The Narcissist Realises You Don't Need Them Anymore

The narcissist realizes you don't need them anymore. You've had enough of the narcissist. So, you've left. And that is good. That is what you should do. But when the narcissist realizes you're not going to come back, what do they do? What happens to them? What are they thinking? What are they going to do next? When you have got your own power back and you see through the lies, they are not going to like this. Because the most important thing for the narcissist is having control. Control over a person. Control over a situation. So, when you have taken control and you have full control over the situation, they are not going to like this. It is going to be extremely challenging for them. Because it means you know the next thing that's going to happen. You know what the outcome is going to be. And this makes the narcissist very nervous because they thrive on control. So, when you have control, their future with you is uncertain, which makes them very anxious because you've realized that they are toxic. You know that they are just out for themselves. They are entirely focused on their own personal gain, their own advantage, without caring about other people. They are selfish and self-serving. So, you've left, you've gone, or maybe they've left. And after they've left, you've realized they're not who they say they are. They don't have your best interest at heart. Because we all deal with anxiety. Especially when we lose control over our lives. Or when the future is uncertain. But what about the heart? What about the sympathy and care for people? And that is what led to you taking control. That is what led to them leaving you or you leaving them. It's what made you go no contact. Because why would you leave someone who genuinely cared for you? That's not something normal people do. But you know that they never did care for you. And that is why the best thing to do now is to go no contact. Remove all of your attention and focus on them. And when you do this, they can't stand it. Because they don't have that emotional information on where you are or what you're doing. And this drives them crazy. But at first, they may be invested in trying to understand why you're not giving them any emotional validation. They might stalk you. They might watch you. They might use other people to contact you to find out exactly where you are. But when they are met with blocks and you're not responding to any of their communication, they are not going to like it. It is going to be very difficult for them. But this is often when you will see how little they cared about you all along because they will move on very quickly. They will give all of their attention to the next person because they prefer something easy. They don't want to work for anything. They don't want to give explanations. They don't want to invest time, energy, or money unless they haven't got any other options or any other people. But in most situations, the narcissist is going to have plenty of other at their disposal. So that's what they're going to be doing. They'll be contacting those people. They will leave you on the shelf while they're busy playing with their other toys. But either way, you have succeeded in removing your attention and focus from them, which is not an easy thing to do. And that is actually something that most victims struggle with. Many victims stay stuck in the fog for years. Sometimes even their entire lives. They can't separate themselves from the experience. They can't view the situation as an observer or from outside of themselves. But this is something that you have managed to do. You have managed to regain your self-awareness. In spite of their gaslighting and their manipulative tactics. So this is why they don't like it because it's not something they're used to. People don't normally break out of it or if they do, the narcissist can normally find a way to put them back into it. They're used to having this sense of control. So this is often why they go crazy because you've escaped the plantation. They've lost you as a potential person and they may never expect that this to happen. They may have thought you would always give them attention. They may have thought that you would always want them as though that would be outside of your control. So, once you do figure out a way to regain control, they can't stand it. They don't like losing these types of people because now it means that they have to invest time, money, and energy into bringing a [music] new person in. A narcissist don't like bringing new people in to become primary sources of supply. They don't want to have to advance someone else to the primary position or just have someone else take your place. Because that takes a lot of work to get someone else to give what you give or to tolerate what you tolerate. It's much easier just to call you up and get you back in because grooming a new source is much more challenging. But, they will do it if they have to. But, it's not something they want to do. This is why they have so many exes and they remain in contact with all of them because it's all about control. They objectify people. They view people as their possessions. They think that these people belong to them as though they own them. They are their own property and they can control them. They can do whatever they want to them because it's an object. >> But we are not objects. We're human beings. So, we're not meant to be going to or told what to do or controlled and manipulated. We can't control another person. We can't alter their reality. We can't alter how they think or how they behave by giving them a small amount of information or giving information that we want them to know. But that is what they do. It's how they think they can behave in these scenarios because it's what was done to them as children. It's all they know. It's their attachment style. And that's why they then repeat it with you. They love bombed you. They married you at the beginning because they want you to fall in love with them. And this is what they had to do with their own parents. They had to make their parents love them. They changed who they got to become someone that their parents wanted them to be. And this doesn't change. This is what they do now because it's all they know. So, when they realize that you're not coming back, it is quite scary for them because they only want you because they want validation from you. It's a one-sided transactional dynamic. You have to provide them with something, but they don't have to give you anything. And this is very damaging. It's very different to how we see relationships, but this is their realization. They realize that they lost something that they can't control. And they don't see this as bad. They don't see it as something that's damaging to you. They see it as normal. As something that they need to do. Something to occupy their time with. Because maybe they're bored or depressed. Their life lacks meaning or purpose or they feel empty inside. So they have to fill it with something. And that's why even if you're gone, they will come after you. They want it to continue. So you should realize that they really have no power at all. Because they can't even determine when it ends. They keep coming back to you. But when you decide it's over, that is when it's over. Because you stop them from coming back. You decide that you're done. And they don't like this. Because they see it as though they have lost the game. And yes, this is a game that they play. Because they know that from the moment they enter the relationship, that it's not going to last forever. They know that they only have a certain amount of time that you will tolerate them until you figure them out. Because they've been doing this for many years. And you're not the first person they've done this to. So they know that at some point it's going to end and you're going to leave. And when you do that, it is very difficult for them. They might try to reach out to you and get you back. But even if they don't, it's not because you weren't good enough. It's not about that. It's about how easy it is to get you back and to get supplied from you. Which is why with some of you they won't even try. They may not even want to do that. Because they see you as too powerful. You're too alert and sharp. But they want people who aren't fully aware. People who haven't realized who they are. People who don't understand what they're doing. But it's not going to be easy to get you back. They're going to have to offer you explanations. They're going to have to offer you something to make you believe in them again. And they don't want to do that. They don't want to give you validation. They don't want you to understand what has happened with them. They don't have the mental bandwidth. So they don't want to give you the truth. They wouldn't want to explain themselves. That's not what this is about. It's about easily getting supply without any worry or effort. Without any potential consequences or lash back on them. Because where there are consequences, criticisms, potential retaliation, scrutiny, inspections, or examinations, they are not going to stick around. To the point where anyone has the opportunity to dissect who they are or what they're trying to do. Because they're not trying to improve anything or be anything for you. They're trying to avoid detection so that they can fly under the radar and continue their exploitation of you. That's why they keep everything vague and quiet and they give limited explanations or responses to you so that they can keep having access to you and keep getting validation from you. So, it's not that you're not good enough. It's that you're too good. And it's going to cost them too much. And when they realize they can't have you back or they can't control you, it is difficult for them. Now, they can't just hop from one person to the next. And this is what they were trying to do because they have an attachment disorder. They can't experience deep or meaningful relationships. So, when they realize you're not coming back, it's not because they realize the error of their ways. It's not because they want to make amends. They just want you to keep giving them supply. I hope this video was helpful for you today. If it was, please give it a thumbs up. Subscribe to be notified when I upload a new video. For more personalized support, you can book a one-on-one consultation with me. Go to narc survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon. >> Woo!