Submind YouTube summaries
Thumbnail for The Narcissist Is NOT Who You Think They Are [RAW]

The Narcissist Is NOT Who You Think They Are [RAW]

Watch on YouTube

Video summary

The core message of this video is that a narcissist is not the person they present themselves to be, but rather an individual operating from a constructed "false self." This persona is a defensive illusion created specifically to shield them from deep-seated shame, fear of inadequacy, and feelings of not being good enough. These vulnerabilities often stem from childhood experiences involving neglect or abuse, where their emotional needs were unmet by parents or family members. Consequently, the narcissist views their harmful actions not as moral failings requiring remorse, but as threats to the fragile solution they have built to protect their ego, causing them pain and a sense of being unimportant when exposed. Because this entire outward behavior is a mask, victims often find themselves in a confusing situation where no one understands what has happened to them. Unlike functional adults who own their actions and connect them to their self-image, narcissists have failed to develop emotionally due to early trauma, meaning they never learned empathy or the ability to share another person's feelings. Instead, they mimic emotions and grandiosity to appear wonderful to others, but this is merely a performance. When confronted about their past actions or shameful behaviors, the mask slips instantly, revealing a split second of rage that exposes their true, hurt childlike state underneath the facade. The video concludes by emphasizing that recognizing this illusion is crucial for victims to stop expecting normal behavior or love from someone who cannot truly connect with anyone. The bond between a narcissist and a victim is often a trauma bond maintained because the victim fears abandonment if they stop playing along with the deception. As long as one holds onto normal expectations, the narcissist can drive them crazy, potentially pushing them toward despair, but understanding that there is no foundation to their character allows victims to see through the manipulation. Ultimately, accepting that the relationship is built solely on an illusion and that the other person does not genuinely love or care for them is the necessary step to breaking free from the cycle of abuse and disappointment.
Read the full video transcript
Hello everyone. In this video, I want to talk about how the narcissist is not who you think they are. They're not who they alleged you to believe that they are. Because the narcissist operates with a false self. And this is like the most important part of understanding who the narcissist is. It helps you to understand what happened to them. And why you feel the way that you do now. Because if you try to talk to people about what you went through, nobody seems to understand it. Because there is this illusion. And this illusion is something that the narcissist created to protect themselves from their shame. From their fear ends of inadequacy. Their fear ends of not being good enough. Not being like other people. Because when they were a child, they went through certain things. They were neglected or abused in some sort of way. And they are ashamed of that. The way that their parents treated them or other family members treated them or whoever it may have been. And so it's the things that they have done. It's not that they feel remorse as though they are sorry for what they've done. It's more like they see these things as failures as things that affect the solution that they have created. It threatens it. And that then bruises their ego. It makes them feel unimportant. So they use this illusion and the false self to hide the things that they are afraid of. To hide who they actually are. And it makes it very difficult for us as victims because we're going through these things with the narcissist. But then it's like there's no one we can talk to about it. We can't even talk to the narcissist about it. And yet we have all of these questions and we need answers. So we're just trying to figure it all out on our own. And it's just all very confusing. Because it's not like dealing with a normal functional adult who, you know, if they do something they own it. They own their own actions. They connect their own actions back to themselves and how they see themselves. But narcissists don't do that. They're not responsible or mature like we may be. And it's because of the abuse or neglect in their childhood. They never developed emotionally. And children young children they develop empathy. Sharing another person's feelings or experience. But the narcissist never did. It is all an illusion. They're just mimicking people. And they want everyone to think that they're just this wonderful person. And it's just this grandiosity. But when you confront the narcissist on their own actions, on the things that they may have said or done to you in the past the things that they are ashamed of afraid of you can see it in their eyes. This split second of rage. The mask slips. And it just flips this light switch on. And it's like that that true emotions deep down. You see it. Of how they really feel about themselves and perhaps, you know, what happened to them. What they went through in their childhood. So, you see it's all an illusion. This grandiosity. That's not really them. Because underneath all of that there's no foundation to any of it. And they're just hurt children. They failed to develop emotionally. So, yeah, it's all an illusion. And that's how you know, they can just lie to you. You know, they're pathological liars. They they can't ever fully connect to you. They can't love you. And they can just abandon you. They can just walk away after all of the time that you've spent together. And they're not hurt about it. It just seems to be so easy for them. Because there was never a true connection. They can't connect to anyone. Because they can't accept how they really feel about what happened to them. About what and about what they went through. So it is all an illusion. And everything you see it's really just a compensating for their shame. And yet you know, this doesn't make it difficult for you to connect to them. You know, especially if you're not fully aware that you know, they're operating with a false character and it's all an illusion. It can actually cause the bond to become stronger. Because you know, if you're not aware that it's an illusion and they do you're just waiting for you know, what you saw in the beginning to come back. You know, the nice character. But then that's rare. It's like most of the time it's just very difficult. You know, it's abuse. But this is why you know, you've just got to accept. You've got to understand that they don't love you. You need to see the illusion for what it is. Understand that that's not them. You're not dealing with a normal person. So you can't keep expecting them to switch back and react normally. Because you're just going to end up disappointed. The narcissist will drive you crazy as long as you believe in them. As long as you have any kind of normal expectations from them. And some of them, you know, especially the malignant narcissist, they can be really evil, really sinister. They can push you to the point where you just feel like giving up on everything. And that's what some of them want, you know, they want us to commit suicide. And yeah, the longer that you're in it, the more difficult that it becomes to see the illusion. It just becomes normal to us. And they just keep reinforcing it, you know, this this trauma bond. Because that's how they maintain control. And [clears throat] we just even play along with it sometimes, you know. We just go along with it because we're afraid of what might happen if we don't. What if they abandon us? And it's because deep down even we know that the only thing that we really have together with this person is the illusion. That's really all that there is. That's That is the bond. But yeah, let me know if this video helped you to see the narcissist for who they really are. Give the video a hype if it was helpful. Subscribe if you're new to our community. I'll talk to you in another video very soon.