Video summary
The discussion centers on women's preferences regarding penis size, highlighting a significant discrepancy between idealized perceptions and physical reality through research conducted by Proulx and colleagues. To avoid biases caused by men misreporting their own sizes or women lacking accurate mental benchmarks for dimensions like inches versus centimeters, the study utilized unlabeled 3D models of various cylindrical objects. Participants interacted with these realistic models to select preferences based on tactile feel rather than visual estimation alone. The findings revealed that the ideal length for a long-term relationship partner was approximately 6.3 inches (16 cm), while short-term partners were preferred at around 6.4 inches (16.25 cm). Similarly, circumference preferences averaged 4.8 inches (12.2 cm) for long-term relationships and slightly higher at 5 inches (12.7 cm) for short-term encounters. A critical insight from the study is that these ideal sizes represent statistical outliers rather than common experiences; a length of 6.3 inches places an individual in roughly the 95th percentile, comparable to finding a man who is 6'2" tall or taller. While this might seem like a "freaky preference," it simply means most women have never encountered their ideal size because such dimensions are relatively rare in the general population. The speakers draw a parallel between these sexual preferences and societal ideals regarding female height, noting that while many men prefer partners who are significantly shorter than average, few actually date them due to practical constraints. This suggests that mate preferences often reflect aspirational standards rather than realistic expectations for daily life or long-term compatibility. The conversation further explores the behavioral implications of size differences, specifically addressing whether these ideals translate into relationship breakups. When asked if they had ever ended a relationship partially because of their partner's penis size, about 27% of women indicated yes, though this figure is likely an underestimate given social stigma surrounding such topics. In most cases where size was a contributing factor to a breakup, the issue involved the man being too small rather than too large. However, there are documented instances where men were rejected for being excessively large, as extreme dimensions can cause physical discomfort or pain by hitting sensitive areas like the cervix. This establishes an upper bound on preference that differs from height preferences, where going taller generally offers diminishing returns but rarely causes direct harm. Ultimately, the dialogue concludes that while women may express a desire for larger sizes in hypothetical scenarios, reality imposes practical limits that create a "roller coaster" of expectation versus experience. The study demonstrates that men typically overestimate their own size by about 20%, meaning many believe they are closer to the ideal than they actually are. Furthermore, because volume increases more significantly with circumference than length, even small differences in girth can have substantial impacts on satisfaction and comfort. The speakers emphasize that while these preferences exist as statistical ideals, most people fall within a range where minor deviations do not constitute deal-breakers, provided there is no physical pain or extreme mismatch involved.
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Your area of expertise,
penis size preferences.
What's happening? Are we talking about
women's penis size preferences? Yeah,
sure. Okay, so slightly slightly far
afield of my of my expertise. Yeah,
yeah. Okay, so women's penis size
preferences are a bit of an emotional
roller coaster, I think,
for the men listening because when I
have the the experience of presenting on
this topic, what I see is kind of a
crescendo of oh, that sounds really good
to realizing it it's not as good as it
sounds.
So the best study on this subject comes
from Proulx and colleagues.
And what they looked at was um
what they looked at was women
interacting with real 3D models of
various
you know penis shaped objects
cylinders essentially and had them pick
and choose which one they actually
favored. And the reason that this study
design is more powerful than just asking
women you know what size do you prefer
the reason that this is powerful is
because it gets around issues of
misreporting due to
not knowing how big or small a given
size is.
>> How many times has someone said I think
that's about it's about 6 in the left
isn't it? You know when you're trying to
put a picture up of something. You have
no idea how big 6 in is. And when we're
dealing with things that you know are
all things considered on the scale of
like couches and cars and things
relatively small you know an inch off
that's 20 to
15%.
>> Also they're not judging their penis
preference based on how big it is to
look at which is what you would be doing
or in terms of memory you would be doing
it based on feel. Right, exactly. So
that's that's a really good point. So in
terms of you can ask women on a pen and
paper survey you know like what size do
you prefer but even if you get like a
really consistent answer of like 7 in
you still don't know that they know what
7 in actually is right? And there's
actually good reason to suspect because
men you know over report their own penis
size and that that likely causes some
kind of mass confusion as to what size
it is.
Yeah, exactly where it's like men are
saying that they're a certain size and
so women are maybe learning about sizes
through that causing the Yeah,
exactly and then that's coded. So
unlabeled 3D models I would say that's
the gold standard if you actually want
to learn
what size is preferred.
What were they doing with them?
Just interacting with them just going in
and and picking. And in terms of length
it was 6.3 in for a long-term
relationship 6.4 in for a short-term
relationship. So that's
if I
if I'm correct maybe 16 to 16.25
cm
and then in terms of circumference 4.8
in
for long-term 5 in around
for short-term which is somewhere on the
order of 12.2 to 12.7 cm.
And so when men hear that they typically
think oh that sounds pretty good. Right?
Like that doesn't sound that big
because of you know
what's socially said about size. And so
this is kind of the peak of the
emotional roller coaster where it's like
oh things are really good things are
really great you know the view's
fantastic from here. But then you look
at men's
perception or at least their statement
of their own size versus their actual
size and you see that men overestimate
their own size by about 20% right which
is a lot. So rule of thumb men are
usually about an inch smaller than they
think or at least an inch smaller than
they say. Again that's quite a bit 21%
was was the figure from the study I'm
quoting.
So
where does that leave us? Well
in actual fact the average man's penis
according to a meta-analysis of 17
studies is about 5.16 in when erect
right?
Um and that would leave 6.3 in as about
95th percentile right? Now 95th
percentile what is that?
That's about as common as a man being
6'2. So it's not like really really rare
right? If you walk into a lecture hall
or an airplane Mhm. There's going to
[clears throat] be there's probably
going to be at least one guy a few guys
maybe yeah. Exactly there's going to be
at least one guy who's at least that
tall. So it's not like we're talking
about some like freaky preference but in
terms of the frequency with which it's
encountered and that that is that is big
right? Like a 6'2
man is is a big guy right? In the same
way as 6.3 actually is quite big.
>> What about what about circumference? So
average circumference is in the same
meta-analysis 4.59 in. Mhm. So
>> What was the 4.59 and what was the but
the top was only 4. something is still
in the 4.8 right? Okay, so you're much
closer in terms of relatively close but
each unit with circumference it makes
like more of a difference like that's
like a bigger increase in total volume.
Squaring the matter or whatever
>> Yeah, yeah, exactly like the volume is
getting is getting bigger for an inch of
circumference versus versus length. So
and then it's 5 in for short-term. So
the difference between
if I I wish I'd measured this in
Newtonics in advance
but the but the difference here is is in
fact pretty big.
And more interesting and I think this is
actually the the most interesting part
of the study
is that they also asked women to pick
out the biggest and smallest from the
array of models. So you can imagine that
they for the study design they have an
array of models that they can choose
from that basically look like sex toys
and they say you know what's ideal
what's the biggest you'd seen ever
what's the smallest you've seen ever.
And
very interestingly most women had never
seen a penis that big. And so they were
exhibiting a preference for a penis size
that was bigger than they had ever
experienced right? So that's the kind of
I would say that that's now the trough
of the roller coaster where where things
are as not fun as they could be.
>> I mean it's also not fun if you're a
woman too you're cursed to almost never
encounter the ideal penis that you want.
Well yeah I mean it's very similar to
women's height preferences where so the
6'2 analogy I think is very good. If you
asked women you know what's the ideal
height of a boyfriend?
Maybe they'd say 6'2 right? A lot of
them would say somewhere between you
know as we discussed in the last episode
somewhere between you know maybe 6'3 and
6'5 would come up a lot but maybe it
would be 6'2. But then you ask them have
you ever dated a guy that tall and most
of them will say no never right? It's
the same thing with with penis size. Now
these are ideal mate preferences and
ideal mate preferences can be a little
silly right? Like
like what's your ideal mate preference
for a woman's salary right? It could it
could be
as rich as possible that doesn't
occasion security concerns right? But
then in actual practice you might not
mind if it was if it was even you know
20 grand a year as long as everything
else was lined up.
So this is an ideal preference and so
ideally most women probably would like
to date a guy who's taller than 6 6'2
who's you know 6.3 in
um
but because it's an ideal preference
they're likely flexible as to their
minimum preference which was which was
not collected in this study.
One insight though they did ask a very
good behavioral outcome question. I
really like behavioral outcomes as
opposed to just state statements right?
As to like hypotheticals. They said have
you ever broken up with a man over his
size? I think that's a very good
question because that's where it's like
behavioral deal breaker. Yeah.
And they said at least partially over
his size. So there was no wiggle room in
the question for you know well there was
a list of five things and I'll focus
I'll I'll just focus on the most
socially appropriate one. It's like was
it an influence as to why you broke up?
And about 27% said they had. So most
women don't break up over this most
women this doesn't appear as a deal
breaker
but about a third have had the
experience of saying you know what I'm
going to call it quits
the size is not working for
>> Contributed to. Yeah, the size was one
of the contributing factors and I'm
willing to say that to a researcher as
well right? Which is probably an
underestimate. And in most cases of that
27% subset the vast majority of cases it
was because the guy was too small. There
there were some women who said that part
of the contributing factor was too big
but it wasn't common. Mhm.
Couple of things come to mind. I would
be interested to see the bell curve of
how satisfied would you be as in I guess
that the uh
Talking about fat tails when we're
discussing this is a fraud.
I'm going to guess that being a little
bit under
or even like a maybe a standard
deviation under versus a standard
deviation over there is an upper bound
like on one you're talking about less
pleasure on the other you're talking
about pain. Mhm. Any woman who's ever
had her cervix hit knows like that's not
fun. Yeah. And that I would imagine
actually you probably have more latitude
on the small side Mhm. than you do on
the big side because there's
no hard and fast rule about small
like being literally impractical or
dangerous.
>> threshold whereas the length of the
cervix actually does. Exactly. Yeah,
yeah, yeah cuz if you've got that hit
then that's it it's kind of it's going
to be very uncomfortable. That's a
really interesting point. I I was I was
imagining that it would be in the
abstract before you said that I would
have assumed in the absence of data that
it would function similarly to
women's height preferences where it's
you know
tons and tons of benefit up to some
reasonable point
like being way too short and then a
decline that doesn't ever really bottom
out. But given that fact that there's
there is
there there is a size limit.
>> much room at the end. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
No, I know of a friend of a friend who
got who actually did get rejected from a
sexual encounter for being too large,
like flat out.
So That's not going inside of me.
>> Yeah, exactly. So that can happen and
maybe
maybe that's something that can't be
worked around, you know,
in the in the same way.
That's interesting.
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