The "Flip the Script" Rule I Learned From Thousands of Women - Dan Bilzerian
Watch on YouTubeVideo summary
Dan Bilzerian addresses common limiting beliefs men hold regarding their attractiveness, arguing that external factors like height or wealth are irrelevant to a woman's interest in them. He illustrates this point by contrasting his own situation on a deserted island with no money against the success of shorter, less wealthy fraternity members who attracted many women. The core issue he identifies is not these traditional metrics but rather the fundamental difference between chasing and being chased; when a man pursues a woman, her flaws disappear while his magnify due to overcommunication of interest, whereas she becomes more discerning about him because she holds all the cards in that dynamic. Bilzerian emphasizes that men often make the mistake of fixating on a woman's looks as sufficient grounds for pursuit without digging deeper into who they actually are. He uses an auction analogy to explain how desire creates scarcity and value, noting that when you want something badly, you focus entirely on acquiring it rather than critiquing its flaws. Conversely, he warns against the "salesman" approach where a man tries too hard to impress with compliments or boasts about his status, which puts the woman in a position of evaluating him as an option she can easily reject. Instead, men should be discerning and challenging from the start, asking questions that force women to qualify themselves rather than simply accepting their appearance as enough. To avoid being perceived as just another guy hitting on her because she is attractive, Bilzerian suggests adopting a tactical mindset similar to how one would handle unwanted attention if they were famous or wealthy. He recounts an experiment where he noticed that generic compliments triggered knee-jerk defensive reactions in women who are used to constant harassment from men seeking them for their looks alone. By shifting the conversation away from superficial attributes and toward unique qualities she has earned, a man can bypass these defenses. This approach aligns with advice from Neil Strauss regarding Jessica Alba, where asking deep questions immediately disqualifies her physical appearance as the primary focus and forces her to sell herself based on character traits rather than genetics. The ultimate strategy Bilzerian advocates is changing one's default setting from being overly nice or eager to be liked to being challenging and selective. He argues that men often pretend to like everyone equally, but their behavior changes when they desire a specific person, creating an imbalance of power where the man appears desperate. By treating interactions with detachment—similar to how a celebrity might politely acknowledge fans without wanting to hang out with them—a man signals high value and prevents women from assuming he is available just because she can get him. This shift transforms the interaction into one of mutual qualification rather than unilateral pursuit, ensuring that if a woman accepts his advances, it is based on genuine interest in who he is beyond his looks or status.
Read the full video transcript
what are the common assumptions the
biggest ones that are holding guys back
when it comes to attracting women and
what are the reframes or the best
strategies that you've deconstructed
from yourself okay so the most common
problems I would say would be some mind
sets like you know limiting um limiting
beliefs a big one like thinking like oh
I'm not tall so women aren't going to be
attracted to me or I'm not rich so I
can't get women or you know like all
these reasons why they're not attractive
do those things not matter no they don't
matter at all like at all like the
things that actually can make a woman
pursue you or chase you or be interested
in you like you know Bill's a perfect
example he had all the things not one
not two not three he had every single
thing that guys think that they need to
get women and plus a desert Island
deserted island with 36 year olds like
you couldn't get a better scenario so
like that is literal proof that like all
these things you know still didn't get
light exactly that's not going to solve
your problem because here's a guy that
had all those things and he still didn't
do it right and I and I have another
sample of a bunch of guys in my
fraternity that were short that didn't
have money that weren't that smart all
this stuff and they got a ton of [ __ ]
so like I I just know that it's not the
traditional things that guys think that
they need that that's a part of it but I
think like like I said when I kind of
like deconstructed it the biggest
Epiphany that I had was the difference
of when you are chasing a woman or
you're pursuing a woman versus when
she's pursuing you and like the flaw is
disappearing on both sides when a
woman's chasing you your flaws disappear
her flaws magnify just like when the you
know when the really you know stage five
Clinger girl hits you up all the time
it's like you're not interested in her
maybe she can suck your dick on a Friday
night if you strike out at 3:00 am.
right but like you know the same thing's
true for women is like when these guys
massively overcommunication interests
they know they can have them and then
it's like a conversation of do they want
them and when you're looking at flaws
you're going to find them like you've
got flaws I've got flaws like everybody
has flaws right so when you're looking
for Flaws you know they stand out but
when you're pursuing something you know
like think an auction you know like five
guys want something five guys are
bidding for something and like you
really want it and you have this like
you know idea in your mind of like when
you wanted something you didn't get it
in the sphere of loss you're not
thinking about what's wrong with it
you're just how do I get it right just
like you know and this is probably the
most common mistake guys make is they're
like this girl's hot how do I [ __ ] her
you know that's the thought process like
oh my God she's so beautiful like I
would marry that girl how many times you
heard a guy say like oh my God she's so
hot I would marry her it's like what if
she has AIDS what if she's a
pathological liar what if she's like
95,000 guys what if she's just like a
you know a Serial cheater like you know
what if this girl has massive problems
what if she bipolar what if she's got a
massive alcohol Problem whatever right
like dig a little bit deeper like be
Discerning you know like go into the
interaction like wanting to find out
more about the girl not just accepting
her looks as being enough and I think
that's the biggest problem that guys
make is that they just like the looks
are enough and then then the
conversation is like how do I get her to
like me so you're already going in there
with a handicap you know like when a
Salesman comes in like he's already
coming in from a handicap versus like
when somebody goes into the store
because they need milk they just go to
the aisle they find the milk and they
buy it versus if you show up at the door
and you try and sell them milk they be
like oh who is this guy is the milk old
can I trust this you know what I mean
like the difference like when you want
something it's just like how do I get it
it's not you know the same conversation
and so that would be the biggest thing
and I and I and I figured that out
because I had a big sample size of girls
that wanted to me that screwed it up
with and a big sample size of girls that
want to me that I also had sex with and
I think that's like look in a in a
experiment you have to have the control
group right most guys do not have the
control group like I literally had girls
sending me butt naked photos on
Instagram I want to you and I screwed it
up with those girls so I'm just saying
like only in like cross-comparing what
worked and what didn't work with two
sample sizes of girls that both wanted
to sleep with me could have out you're
the same guy to both of them exactly cuz
like you know there's girls that just
like wouldn't want to sleep with me
because I'm Armenian or I have a shitty
haircut or whatever right like there's
going to be girls that just like
wouldn't [ __ ] me period so because I had
that sample that I knew that they wanted
to sleep with me and I screwed it up I
was able to like figure out the things
that I was doing wrong and like one of
the big things that I was doing wrong
was like I was overc communicating
interest I would have problems with the
girls that I was like oh damn like this
girl's hot you know she's different or
like you know I really like her whatever
and my Approach would change and because
my Approach would change my results
would change what about
you know to sort of treat them mean to
keep them Keen slash not signaling
sufficient interest that that person
that girl doesn't actually end up
responding to you at all I think well
he's not interested so this doesn't this
doesn't go anywhere so I wouldn't say
treat them mean I would say change your
default setting from nice to challenging
you know because like a lot of these
guys like they aren't really nice guys
like oh like you know you know I just
want to be it's like you're not that
nice to the fat chick you're not that
nice to the janitor you're nice to this
girl cuz you want to her you know so
like this whole idea of like oh I'm just
being myself or like that's another one
it's like I just want to be myself like
I want her to light me for me and it's
like okay well there's different
versions of you there's a version of you
in an Armani suit there's a version of
you dressed like [ __ ] you know there's a
version of you where you like take care
of your diet and work out and like you
know work at your job and there's a
version of you that just like succumbs
to every one of your you know impulses
like you know like I drive by bu
McDonald's and like you know I just want
to eat fries but I don't you know like I
want to have Sni all day but I don't you
know like you can make yourself better
and I think you know a lot of guys don't
do that like a lot of guys are just like
I want a girl to light me for me so get
Tactical for a moment with regards to
guy has girl that he thinks she's hot
she's interesting I want to pursue
her what is a better tactical way of
moving toward that what should they do
well I mean I I would not start the
interaction by overcommunication
know have a conversation with her you
know I mean I've asked girls crazy stuff
I I take like a pretty extreme approach
and I wouldn't recommend this for you
know all guys but like I'll ask girls
crazy questions like me and my buddy
were having a conversation the other day
and like he was like I think it's I I I
was arguing that I think you have a
lower chance of getting a serious
rejection if you put a girl's hand on
your dick than if you go for a kiss and
this is after a girl's into you and like
you guys have been on a date or whatever
and there's like you know some chemistry
whatever and he was like you're out of
your mind like this that and the other
and I was like okay well let's some
girls so like I just would go up to a
girl and I'd be like hey you know like
this is the this is the question like
you know what I wouldn't frame like who
is on which side but like they wanted to
answer so they gave their answer now all
of a sudden we're in a sexual
conversation with a girl where I haven't
communicated any interest to her at all
and I've almost like disqualified her
because I'm asking her this question
that like you usually wouldn't ask about
you exactly you wouldn't ask a girl that
you're trying to like hook up with
because it's like a crazy question too
and so I'm not saying that that would be
you know the optimal approach but I'm
just saying like that's something that
like most guys when thing to do but that
it's more successful than going up overc
communicating interest putting a girl in
a position where like she has to decide
like accept or reject and usually when
they're like forced to accept or reject
usually reject is the default and if
it's not then they're probably a horror
if they just like accept every guy that
comes up to them this is your uh chasing
versus choosing Paradigm well yeah so so
you know get into the interaction and
and you know the caveat to that is like
what you say to a girl isn't necessarily
how important is like how you say it so
you could go up and say some really
stupid [ __ ] to open the conversation it
doesn't really matter like as long as
you get in there without massively overc
commmun interest right and then I would
say be Discerning you know be
challenging like you know ask questions
dig deeper get a little bit of
information about it you know um I mean
Neil stra had a good one when he was on
with Jessica Alba and he said um you
know you know looks are common in La
aside from your looks like what would
your friend say are the three you know
best qualities about you and like in
that one question he immediately like
pulled away her looks which was like one
of her strongest attributes like nobody
give a about Jessica ala she's ugly
right so it's literally like her
superpower he just sucked it right out
of the conversation he's also digging
deeper and now he's got her in a
position of like qualifying herself to
him and selling herself to him she's
telling him why she's good you know and
so that would be a much better start of
an interaction than like you know I
think you're so beautiful like I just
had to come over here and you know by
the way I'm a doctor you know and I
drive a Lamborghini and like all this
[ __ ] the guys you know they try and
brag about themselves they're doing all
these things and the girl is just like
in a position of like okay you know like
do I want this that's that's the
conversation usually between guys and
girls is like the girls like okay do I
want this guy it's like playing poker
and the guys just like turn over their
cards and so I would say like you know
dig a little bit deeper be Discerning
like find out about the girl like you
know decide and then if you want to give
her a compliment give her a compliment
on like something that's unique about
her something that's like she earned or
you know not just like she was born with
you know like if she has pretty eyes I'm
sure she's heard that from a million
guys like don't tell her she has pretty
eyes you know like just be different I
mean I guess like a big Epiphany I had
too was like when I became famous you
know and I had to talk about this in
there too is like understanding a hot
girl's mind because when I became famous
like I understood what it was like to be
a hot chick and I understood that in the
sense of like I had forced interactions
wherever the I would go whether it was a
Starbucks whether it was you know
wherever like I had people coming up to
me and the same thing is true of a girl
like when she goes to you get her mail
when she goes to the grocery so like
guys are hitting on her all the time so
it's Force interactions and what I
noticed is the first hundred times guys
would come up to me and be like bro
you're the man blah blah blah like you
know all this [ __ ] I was like okay cool
you know whatever and I always take the
pictures you know but I guess what I'm
trying to you know explain with that is
let's say you are a famous guy and a guy
comes up to you you're like bro you're
the man dude like all this [ __ ] and
you've heard this 10,000 times is that
going to make you want to have a beer
with that guy no like maybe you'll take
a photo with him you'll tell him your
appreciate it but it's not going to make
you want to like hang out with him now
if that guy comes up to you and is like
hey man you know I only got a second but
I just want to tell you like you know I
really like this you know maybe the
guy's a rockstar I really like this song
that you did and he told told him a song
that he did like in the garage he's like
and I had that same guitar that you had
and whatever and then he's just like
kind of excusing himself on the way out
maybe that Rockstar like wants to have a
conversation with him oh [ __ ] that
guitar you know that was like one of my
favorite guitars you know like now
you're coming out from a different angle
and I would say the same thing is true
with hot girls is like if you go up and
say the same [ __ ] that all these other
guys have said to the these girls you're
going to have the same knee-jerk
reaction the walls are going to go up
she's going to remember the last 20
times she got caught in a 30 minute
conversation with some idiot talking her
ear off and she knows that the guy just
wants to her because she's built no
value right like early on in the
conversation if you compliment her a
bunch before she's earned it and it's
kind of like you're telling her
indirectly you're above me well you're
above me and your looks are good enough
I don't even care if you a flaw like
you're hot and so that's enough for me
and I'm ready to date you this the wrong
thing it's so funny that kind of uh
playground mentality of if I know that I
can have it I don't want it and it's so
funny how that seems to
be in your worldview like a fundamental
part of the physics translates
everything you know it's sales it's
negotiation it's business it's all these
things person that can walk away from
the deal is the one that holds the most
power always in other news this episode
is brought to you by ag1 over the span
of about a year I tried pretty much
every Green strink to find the best one
I came across ag1 and I've stuck with it
for over 3 years because it is so much
more than just greens it is the most
comprehensive highly tested and
rigorously formulated supplement I've
ever found providing essential nutrients
and gut health support they all work
together to fill the nutritional gaps in
your diet increase energy and focus aids
with digestion and supports a healthy
immune system without the need to take
multiple products or pills best of all
if you are on the fence there is a
90-day money back guarantee so you can
buy it and try it for 89 days and if you
do not like it they will give you your
money back plus they ship
internationally right now you can get a
year free Supply vitamin D3 and K2 plus
five free ag1 travel packs and that
90-day money back guarantee by going to
the link in the description below or
heading to drink a1.com slod wisdom
that's drink a1.com
slod wisdom thank you very much for
tuning in if you enjoyed that clip you
will love the full length episode with
Dan which you can watch just
go on press it