Video summary
The reviewer begins by noting that Ridley Scott has returned with a new film, *The Dog Stars*, proving that age is no barrier to creativity at 88 years old. However, despite the director's reputation, the movie itself feels like a disjointed mishmash of various genres and tropes that have been seen many times before. The reviewer initially expected a story about a man and his dog flying around on misadventures in a post-apocalyptic world, but instead found a narrative that felt more like *Twilight* with zombies. The plot follows a grieving pilot named Hig, played by Jacob Elordi, who is described as a boring character who pouts constantly while trying to find other survivors. His best friend is a German Shepherd named Jasper, and the story revolves around their slow journey across a desolate landscape where most humans have died from a virus or been killed by a group called the Reapers.
A significant portion of the film's runtime is dedicated to what the reviewer calls "product placement," specifically for Coca-Cola and Sprite, which are so heavily featured they feel like the unsung heroes of the movie. Characters are shown drinking ice-cold Coke throughout their harrowing journey, and one scene involves a pilot delivering medicine alongside a 12-pack of Sprite to sick children in a settlement. The reviewer jokes that if it isn't Sprite, something is wrong, and even suggests that the film's R rating for violence and swearing feels unjustified given how little actual violence occurs compared to the amount of soda consumption. This heavy commercial focus detracts from the story, making the post-apocalyptic setting feel less like a gritty survival nightmare and more like an advertisement break.
Beyond the product placement, the reviewer criticizes the film's pacing and narrative structure, noting that it feels both rushed and overly slow simultaneously. The movie builds up intriguing elements, such as a section resembling *Fallout* where characters live in a bunker pretending it is still the 1970s, but these moments are quickly discarded to rush toward an uninteresting ending. Additionally, the reviewer expresses disappointment with Jacob Elordi's performance, stating that his character lacks growth and remains a sad sack who simply sits on a bed grieving without providing an engaging experience. The dog, Jasper, is also described as annoying because he barks incessantly at threats, which breaks the tension rather than adding emotional depth to the story.
Ultimately, the review concludes that *The Dog Stars* is a visually stunning film in terms of framing and scale, particularly during flyovers of mountains and certain chase scenes, but these aesthetic strengths cannot save a script that lacks substance. The reviewer feels that the movie fails to establish an emotional connection with its characters, making the fate of the dog inconsequential rather than heart-wrenching. While there are moments of high energy and intrigue, such as a chaotic escape from armed attackers, these are treated too briefly before the film returns to its slow burn. The reviewer suggests that if the more interesting middle sections had been expanded, the movie could have worked, but as it stands, it feels like a collection of better ideas smashed together without cohesion, leaving viewers with a sense of wasted potential.
Read the full video transcript
As I was watching this brand new Ridley
Scott film, one question popped into my
mind over and over again.
Y'all need a pilot? We got my boy Ridley
Scott back with another film, proving
that age is just a construct made by
human man, and it doesn't really matter
how old you are. At the tender age of 88
years old, he's still knocking out
bangers.
Someone said, not me, because I watched
The Dog Stars, and unfortunately, it's
kind of dog [ __ ] And I'm going to tell
you about it in a spoiler-free review.
The Dog Stars sounds like something you
would see on the Disney Afternoon in the
'90s featuring a family of dogs flying
around in planes, but unfortunately, no,
it's just one dog here flying around in
a Cessna. And his name is Hig, and he's
played by Jacob Elordi. Jacob Elordi,
he's so hot right now. Jacob Elordi. I
guess there's two dogs in the plane
because you got Jacob Elordi's
character, Higs, and then you have his
best friend, the German Shepherd,
Jasper.
We love Jasper here.
We don't really know Jasper that well.
Here's the deal, the movie's called The
Dog Stars, feels a little bit
disingenuous because I was thinking this
was going to be another man with his
friend flying around on misadventures
sort of a thing.
And not really that. All right, most of
this movie can be boiled down to this.
It is essentially Twilight if it was a
post-apocalyptic theme. Meaning, we're
following around a very boring character
who's going to fall in love with another
boring character, and the rest of the
story's really going to revolve around
them. Even though this is on the shorter
tail of a Ridley Scott film, clocking in
under 2 hours, it feels very, very long
because so little happens for so much
time. And when things do happen, he's
hell-bent on getting rid of that stuff
so he can go back to the boring again.
Let's uh
Yeah, let's talk product placement. The
the real unsung hero of this film has
got to be Coke because they just
effortlessly put this [ __ ] all over the
first half of the film. I know they came
to Ridley Scott with a chest full of
cash and said, "Listen, [ __ ] you
better put the Coca-Cola Classic, you
better put the Sprite symbols all over
this thing or you can kiss your funding
bye-bye. You want the funding or it's
going to go bye-bye. YOU PUT COKE IN
THERE OR BYE-BYE." There are several
scenes dedicated to the greatness of
Coke, one of which features our lead
character going over to get hospital
supplies, but more importantly grab a
12-pack of Sprite. If it ain't Sprite,
that ain't right. He then flies that
[ __ ] back to the sickly kids, at which
point he gets out, he hands them the
medicines, but more importantly hands
them the Sprite. "Thank you, thank you,
mister, for the medicine, but more
importantly for the Sprite."
If it ain't Sprite, it ain't right.
>> [cough]
>> Oh, that's my own blood. On top of that,
we have Josh Brolin's character who
fancies himself a nice ice-cold
Coca-Cola Classic straight from the
bottle. You know, this post-apocalyptic
nightmare hellscape we live in sure is
garbage bad.
But drinking a nice ice-cold Coca-Cola
Classic
almost makes the whole damn thing worth
it. The Dog Stars feels like three or
four different things you've seen a
bunch of times smashed together without
any of the interesting aspects. So, we
have a world that looks very much like
The Last of Us complete with the
twanging of a guitar.
We have the man and his best friend dog
companion scrapping around trying to
find food and shelter and medicine and
clothing. We have the old dog, Bangly,
played by Josh Brolin. He's kind of a
mentor figure for Hig, but they don't
really get along that well. They get
along well enough to live together, but
uh you can see some odds at play there.
And then thankfully Margaret Qualley
comes in to at least give me something
to look at for a little bit, and she's
rocking a mean tank top for a little bit
of the film. Not enough to justify
watching this thing, I'll tell you that
much. Her character's name is Seema. Bad
name. I assume it's short for emphysema
or maybe semen. I'm not sure. She goes
by Seema, though. That sure is a fine
filly over there, that Margaret Qualley.
The only thing that could quench my
thirst more than her female body
is that of a nice Sprite or a Coca-Cola
Classic. She lives with her papa out on
a ranch, and she's going to come into
contact with Hig when he crash lands
onto their field and into their hearts.
Why is he crash landed there? Well, it's
simple. He's trying to find other groups
of people out there. The The world has
gone to [ __ ] There's a virus that took
most people out. There's a large group
of bad guys out there known as the
Reapers running around pillaging and
plundering. How many times in these
types of stories has there been a group
of people called the Reapers? I feel
like it's every other freaking teen
book. Oh, the Reapers are here. They're
They're They're going to reap us. The
hell did you just say? You heard me. And
then completely out of left field, it
turns into Fallout for like 8 minutes. I
can't speak to the novel, but it seems
like Ridley Scott really didn't care for
this part of the book, so he's like,
"Let's just speed through it." And that
sucked because when we get to that point
way late in the film, I turn to my
buddy, I said, "What Where Where was
this film? This is good stuff." There's
this weird group of people living in
this bunker place trying to pretend like
it's still the '70s or some [ __ ] It was
fascinating. Plus, you have Allison
Janney who finally shows up, and she's
easily the best part of this movie, but
if you got up to go take a long piss and
get a refill on your soda, you missed
this entire section. And I feel, not
reading the book, that I missed entire
swaths of this story because there are
things built up in the background such
as who the Reapers are, why the dad of
cinnamon sticks has a weird tattoo on
his forearm. None of it gets explained.
None of it goes anywhere. Actually,
maybe they explained the tattoo and I
just blacked out for a few minutes
because so [ __ ] bored. I don't know.
May- maybe that's all right. Regardless,
I know there was a lot of stuff built up
that didn't go anywhere and there was
absolutely stuff left on the cutting
room floor because this just feels like
it's rushed to get through to the ending
even though it also simultaneously feels
like the slowest snails race you've ever
sat through. Another incredibly puzzling
thing here is this movie's rated R for
violence and swearing. But why? Outside
of Josh Brolin cursing like a sailor in
the first 15 minutes of the movie, that
all kind of goes to the wayside later. I
I feel like people didn't swear as much
in the second half and the violence is
barely existent. There's a couple throat
slashes with some CG blood. Could have
easily been removed. Nothing changes in
this movie. I just don't understand what
the demographic is for this film. It's
such a lame movie across the board. A
been-there-done-that from every genre
smashed together. And what doesn't help
matters is Jacob Elordi in this film is
just awful. And I've seen him put in
good work. I thought he was fantastic in
the Frankenstein film by Guillermo del
Toro, but here he is such a sad sack of
[ __ ] from front to back and I get it.
The character's grieving the loss of his
wife off camera. We go back to this
several times where he just sits on the
bed and pouts. But it's not a fun,
interesting character to follow. And if
you don't really ever see that turn and
that growth over time, uh
like I I I'd rather watch paint dry. All
right, let's get some pros out of the
way. It visually looks good. I mean,
it's really Scott. The guy knows how to
frame up a beautiful shot. There's great
scale to this. It looks visually very
stunning at times when we get those
flyovers of some of the sides of
mountains.
Uh, less so when there's a stampede of
CG buffalo going after our character,
which felt like it was straight lifted
out of the book and and didn't really
add to anything in the movie. But, then
we can juxtapose that with a later chase
scene where they're trying to hop on the
plane and escape a bunch of angry guys
who are throwing sticks and spears and
shooting at them and hopping on their
plane and trying to take an axe to the
top. That was very well put together.
There was some stakes there. There was
high energy going on.
We got to get out OF HERE. THERE'S
PEOPLE ALL OVER OUR PLANES. THEY'RE
TRYING to kill US AND MORE IMPORTANTLY
TRYING TO TAKE OUR COCA-COLA CLASSICS
BEFORE WE inevitably get to the next set
piece that brings a little bit of
intrigue. And again, Scott has no desire
to stick around. So, he's like, "Well,
no. No, we're leaving. We're leaving
this." Now, because there's a dog
involved, some people are obviously
going to be very concerned about the
well-being of the creature. I'm not
going to spoil anything about it. I'll
just say, "Eh."
You don't have to worry either way. You
don't really get much of a connection
with these two. So, whether or not the
dog lives, dies, runs away, turns into a
mech, I wish that would have happened.
That would have been sweet. It's kind of
inconsequential. It's not near the focus
that the trailers and the advertising
will have you believe. And while the
movie may pretend like that's the heart
and soul of the film, it never really
plays out for me emotionally at all. I I
just I don't care about these two.
Honestly, the dog was annoying. He would
bark and make noises anytime some bad
guys would come around. And I'm just
thinking like, "Bitch, have you not been
here for a while? Do you not know to
stay silent?" I was ready to to the gun
and just
hit him with the butt of it, at least
knock his ass out. Subscribe for animal
abuse. So, what we're left here at the
end of the day is a mishmash of
different movies you've seen done
better. We have a performance by Jacob
Elordi that's rivaling that of Edward
from Twilight. We have a large focus on
the wrong things in this film, which is
again going to be kind of that that
puppy love thing for a while. Over
there's the Big Dipper. Down there is
the Little Dipper.
>> [laughter]
[gasps]
>> That's my penis. Uh that one right
there, that constellation, that's the
beautiful outline of a Coca-Cola Classic
bottle. Man, I love me a good Coke. We
have a slow burn pace that does not lead
to anything interesting. And when we do
get to interesting things, we completely
get rid of that [ __ ] as fast as humanly
possible. Too sweet, we're out of there.
One other thing worth noting that's kind
of funny is this felt like a '90s action
movie in terms of explosions. Ridley
Scott is under the impression that
everything blows up upon contact. You're
going to see rooftops blowing up for no
reason. You're going to see a grenade
drop and make like a napalm's level of
explosion. It's just very silly at times
when the movie's clearly trying to
ground itself in some sort of a gritty
realism to have stuff blow up at such a
comical degree. I went with my buddy and
he had pretty much all the same
thoughts. He did He did point out that
it's too bad this didn't work because
there's clearly the right ingredients
here for something fascinating, and it's
probably present in the book. If you're
a fan of the novel, I can't imagine
you're going to be happy with how this
turned out. It's either that or it's
really close to the book, in which case,
yeah, I don't have any interest in
reading it.
All right, let me know your thoughts
though. Did you check this one out
already? Are you a fan of the film? Did
you think it was great and Ridley Scott
hasn't missed a step? Or did you think
it was a massive letdown and it's really
not worth your time or a watch? Which is
unfortunate to say because I do think,
again, there's some stuff there that
could have really worked well,
especially later on in that Fallout
section. Had they expanded that to be
more like half the movie, then holy
[ __ ] that would have been great. But
no,
we we don't have time for that. And
there you have it, my review for the
Coke Stars. I mean, the dog stars.
Well, a little bit of both.
>> [music]
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