Video summary
In this discussion, Dewayne Dry Creek addresses the complex balance between hardness and softness in masculinity, acknowledging his own old-school tendency to suppress emotions until they become toxic or debilitating to those around him. While he admits that seeking help is necessary when internal battles weaken a man's ability to function, he argues against the current cultural push toward therapy for every minor issue, fearing it might lead to men becoming "weak." He emphasizes that while getting professional help is valid if one has lost their footing, there must be an individualized balance where men do not simply follow a one-size-fits-all approach but rather find what works specifically for them. To illustrate the necessity of diverse approaches, Dry Creek uses tennis as a metaphor, citing British sports reporter Matthew Sayad's observations of three world champions: Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic, and Roger Federer. Each player represents a different archetype—Nadal with raw aggression, Djokovic with precise rationality, and Federer with fun and flair—all achieving greatness through their unique styles rather than a single prescribed method. Dry Creek applies this logic to men's mental health, criticizing the modern narrative that prioritizes internal states over external responsibilities or suggests avoiding all difficulties until one is perfectly ready ("mindful Mondays" vs. "cookie Wednesdays"). He warns that swinging too far toward emotional vulnerability can create an imbalance on the other side, just as ignoring pain entirely leads to physical collapse. For young men lacking life experience who cannot yet distinguish between gut instinct and default childhood programming, Dry Creek advises against trusting their immediate reflexive responses. Instead of blindly following advice from figures like David Goggins or adopting extreme behaviors simply because they are popular, he suggests questioning the "why" behind any action a man takes. He posits that lifting heavier weights to bench press 200 pounds may feed ego rather than serve others, whereas spending time in the backyard with children provides a more meaningful answer regarding what makes one a better person for those around them. The core advice is to evaluate whether an activity strengthens or weakens one's ability to care for family and community, ensuring that choices are driven by purposeful service rather than external validation. The conversation concludes with practical steps for maintaining health and perspective, including checking in regularly with oneself not just on emotional matters but also physically through blood work. Dry Creek promotes his partnership with Function Health, a company offering comprehensive lab tests monitoring over 100 biomarkers, heart health, hormone levels, thyroid function, nutrient deficiencies, and cancer screening under the scientific advisement of Dr. Andrew Huberman and Chief Medical Officer Dr. Mark Hyman. He notes that while such detailed analysis usually costs thousands, Function Health offers these panels for $500 with a waitlist of 300,000 people, providing actionable data to improve lifespan and healthspan. Ultimately, the goal is for men to navigate their own unique path between toughness and sensitivity without losing focus on what truly matters in life.
Read the full video transcript
how do you come to think about that
balance between the hardness and the
softness in
Men I'm Still old
school um I'm still very old
school
um now there comes a point where it can
be deil debilitating to those around
me okay um if I bottle everything up
inside so that I get to the point that I
am
toxic or debilitating to those around me
then I need to get some help but as long
as I'm not I don't need to add more
burden for them to carry that's that's
just me can you be a bit more specific
about what that what that is how it how
that shows up for
you
um m
my wife has has been encouraging me for
a while now for me to go and talk to
somebody just there's years and years
and years of I mean there were a lot of
rough years there
um but I'm like I can't I can't do that
you know I mean the guy I know the guy
gets paid to sit there and uh but it's
not it's just not
necessary you know um I'm still of you
know I'm still old
enough and I I'm of the I'm of the
school it's like
just just deal with it suck it up suck
it up you know I broke three ribs one
time in a barn saddling horses horse
threw a
fit took eight
aspirin and got on that horse and did a
4-Hour
ride because I had a job to do it's my
job now I know let's let's go back to
balance okay I was about to mention that
I understand I'm with you
100% but at the same time your balance
and my balance and his balance are
different um and so I think I think a
man has to find his own
balance um
and the
and you're going to get so many messages
on here disagree with this um but I I
think that this thought of men's mental
health emotional health go get help go
I'm not saying it's bad I'm not saying
it's wrong I'm not saying it's out of
place but I think like everything else I
think it could be taken to the point
that men just become
weak and brother let me tell you in this
day and age we don't need more weak men
um now when
your when your internal
battles come to the point that you need
help because they have weakened you then
get help you
know but I think everybody's balance is
different and I
fear there was a problem for years on
this side but I fear just like
everything else with that subject being
pushed the way it is we're going to get
out of balance on the other side and
it's like and everybody needs therapy
for everything this is the Nuance I
think around what we were talking about
type A problems type B problems right
because it's easy to just take that as a
uh one single meal on a plate as opposed
to multiple different pieces or a onesie
that you put on as opposed to an outfit
that's piece meal and put together so
there's a a British called Matthew Sayad
who's coming on the show soon and the
interesting thing about tennis as a
sports reporter is that you had three
phenomenal world champions all at the
same time you had Nadal you had uh jovic
and you had federa and he used to go to
Wimbledon and he would see how they were
warming up and each had a different
approach so he'd go and see Nadal and
his just raw aggression his tops off and
he's hitting the ball as hard as he C
and he's sort of just Fury and then he'd
go and see jovic and he's like a robot
in this guy's precise Precision
rationality then he go and see fedra and
he's playing trick shots he's laughing
and he's having fun and he's sort of
flirting with the ball girls and stuff
like that and each of these guys have
won titles while all of them have been
playing and they've traded places some
on this court some on a different type
of surface
Etc but if you were to look at any of
them and say in order for me to be a
world champion I must
be okay well which one because all of
them were world champions
yes and this is I think you're
right the message May largely have swung
too far back toward
the you cannot deal with any difficulty
you must prioritize your internal State
over external responsibilities mindful
Mondays and and time off Tuesdays and
you know cookie Wednesdays um and it's
trying to find who's this message for
particularly and and I think really
trying to get people that are listening
to feed it through the filter of is this
for me is this or is this for someone
else right and that point around just go
harder bro can cause you to have a heart
attack laid in bed next to your wife
yeah uh and you go okay that that's
something that I probably do need to
heed right and on the other side like am
I a a useless blob of emotional
nothingness okay well maybe I need a bit
more David Goggins in my life right and
I think finding that balance and not
having a one-sized fits all answer so
how does a man a an individual pick any
individual how does he find that
balance that fits
him with difficulty I think for me it's
come with age it's come with learning
myself it's come with experience of
understanding what happened the last
time that this situation occurred and
how I felt right and trying to so what
would you encourage or um advise a young
man 19 23 who doesn't have the benefit
of the age in the experience and what
would you advise him and say look this
is kind of an area that might help you
find your
balance I think checking in with
yourself and not treating your first
response as always the correct one
uh I think the
immediate sort of reflex that we often
have espe especially as young men uh
Young And Men is an issue because
that you haven't accumulated enough
experience for you to be able to call it
gut instinct wisdom right what it is is
probably your default response which is
from childhood from the group that you
grow up in maybe it's Dad's patent maybe
it's Mom's p patent maybe it's the
teacher and the way that you have to
protect yourself in
school it's unlikely that that is the
best way for you to deal with things so
I
think don't believe everything you think
yeah um can
we can we boil it down to a booya base
and say
look
when when you have the thought don't
trust the thought I need to do this or I
need to do
that what if we start out asking oursel
why why do I need to run 300 miles with
two broken legs because David Goan said
so you know why do I need to do that
what is the purpose not why for me but
why do I need to do that to make myself
the man I need to be for those around
me why do I need to say you know what I
need to spend more time in the backyard
with a
cigar why do I need to do that and if
the answer is because I'm becoming an
overwound overtight losing my balance
losing my focus on what really matters
in life I'm becoming hard to live with
to those that I care the most about to
those who I am the most responsible for
so the why is this will make me a better
person for those around me me being able
to bench
press 200 lb as opposed to 180 lbs does
not necessarily make me a better
person for those that I'm here to serve
it feeds my ego so maybe a little more
time in the gym doesn't answer the why
and a little more time in the backyard
with my kids that gives me a better
answer to the why do I need to make this
choice as opposed to that
choice and maybe that's a little more
accessible to a Young Man Without a lot
of experience if you haven't been
feeling as sharp or as energized as
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much for tuning in if you enjoyed that
clip you will love the full length 2hour
long conversation with Dwayne right here