The Dark Side Of A Decade Of Hedonism - Dan Bilzerian (4K)

what happened to you where did you go you mean on the last like four things I flaked on or for the last two years pick pick whichever you want um well you know I kind of pulled out a little bit when I did the book right that was like two years and then came back pretty strong for like a year I was going back into the whole thing um and it was funny because when I did the book I realized the whole Hedonism thing wasn't really uh my bag and just wasn't making me happy so I came to that realization much like I came to the realization that money didn't make me happy and then still chasing money for a long time um but yeah I just I kind of wanted to get off the hedonistic treadmill and um I came back after the book I mean there's a lot of like people that were talking [ __ ] and whatever and I kind of did it a little bit for ignite and also just because I was kind of bored and Co was over um but I definitely realized after going you know I did was it I did France and then we did South Africa did South America I did Dubai kind of like a you know a whole tour mes and then I did Thailand and I just realized like I didn't want to travel around with 12 girls everywhere that I went and I didn't want to dedicate my whole life to my sex addiction so that was just the end of it why why didn't you want that what what were you believing previously that you sort of disillusioned yourself of um well the belief part of it I would say that pleasure will make you happy and that Hedonism was the answer and that if I got a ton of [ __ ] and had a bunch of money and did all this stuff that that would make me happy and it did it was fun like don't get me wrong it was fun to [ __ ] hot girls and do all that stuff but it just went to the edge of the Earth with it and I think there was a point I I mean there's definitely a point I was on a yacht 300 foot yacht 30 girls and I'm just like I should be stoked and I wasn't and like my energy was being sucked in a bunch of different directions um I just remember just being way happier surfing with my buddies doing a couple vacation like all the stuff that i' hadd kind of done before ignite so I think 2012 till 2016 was probably the craziest that was like the mly crew Rockstar like drug sex and rock and roll like that was it I you know became famous it was like chicks were you know [ __ ] me in bathrooms it was just like the crazy [ __ ] it was new and it was fun and I did that I did that for a long time um and then I got a girlfriend in like 16 and I was just like I said much happier doing the couple vacations surfing you know the guys who do the guy [ __ ] would work out during the day and then you know play cards whatever I could my girlfriend at night there was no distractions no stress no headaches no [ __ ] and I was just like [ __ ] you know this is much better and then I decided to ignite because I just kind of didn't want to be taken pictures and parking lots for the next 30 Years with every [ __ ] that came up to me and not have like something to show for it monetize the audience and some I just feel like I should build a brand I should just do something with it and so it was and also I I don't know I was watching TV I think it was like 2017 and they said weed was becoming legal or weed was legal and um I was like this is perfect I smoke a lot of weed you know a lot of people wouldn't want to touch the space you know let me do this and so I decided to launch ignite and when we did that it was just everything I'd done before on steroids you know literally you've got a capitalist justification you got a commercial reason to go and do this and you know we'd raise $100 million it was like you know it was just got to make it work let's go do it you know let's just do it stronger than anybody's ever done it let's you know kind of like do a modern version of Playboy and it was just kind of I don't know it was just like all the stuff that I kind of wanted to when I was younger like I you know I you know wanted to [ __ ] be like the new Hugh Hefner I want to do all that stuff and I did that and it was fun you know the million-dollar parties the travel in the world all the stuff but I was already kind of over it from the realization that I was happier having a girlfriend than doing the harm thing and now I'm doing the Herm thing on like a crazy scale like a 100 girlfriends and all this [ __ ] and uh yeah I just but I but then I felt kind of Trapped because now I had a brand and now I kind of had to do it and it was almost like Co saved me a little bit this is the difference between being homeless and going camping right that one one is is sort of mandated upon you and the other one is a choice that you get to make yeah and it's a lot more fun when it's your choice you know you're doing the same thing but if you're choosing to do it it's different how big of a difference was that sort of framing the fact that previously this was adventurous it was on your timeline there was no degree of pressure for you to be able to do it and then you come back and you go this feels like a job even though it's the least job looking job that ever did job yeah it was kind of crazy um I think it was more because I was over it than because I had to do it um so you're like a punch Strunk BK box of getting back in the ring for one last go kind of you know um and I also felt like an obligation to do it because you know we had built the company and done all this stuff so I don't know I was kind of a slave to my own creation for a while and then Co almost saved me a little bit I guess um because then I took the two years and wrote the book and zoomed out looked at my life and things that made me happy things that didn't make me happy and um you know that was pretty eye opening was there an overarching lesson from that obviously he said you know I preferred this thing which was W girl and spending a bit of time with my friends was there like deeper Insight than just admin to Wrangle a squadron of chicks is kind of a bit of a hard day's work well it wasn't even so much that it was hard but it was just spending time doing things that I didn't care about that was a part of it and then the big realization was the pleasure you know and how it functions like a drug and how you need more of it to you know get the same high and then eventually have to do it to not feel like [ __ ] that whole thing so um yeah I just you know I just beat all my addictions when I was writing my book I beat my sex addiction my gambling addiction my weed addiction which was actually one of the harder ones to beat um and then yeah and then I kind of like went back into all that stuff um and then kind of beat it again and I think when you beat it a second time just like okay like you know we got like enough you know and where have you landed now what's life like for you now um well I spent the last two years working on this course and I spent um you know a decent amount of time developing this new sulman product line and just hanging with my friends like I play paintball I you know work out I mountain bike I just I do [ __ ] with my boys and I don't hang out with a bunch of girls all the [ __ ] time and what about that differential in the honic Set Point water line between sort of where you were and where you are we all know what it kind of feels like to maybe be in a everyone's been on holiday and had Peak experiences and then had to go back to their sort of normaler existence and they go oh my God you know this sort of feels a bit gray and a bit dull what was that deceleration like I would imagine it would be like quitting heroin maybe you know I was like the one drug I didn't do um but yeah I think it's tough you know you ever seen the um gambling show oning Mahoney or the movie no so true story about this guy and he um he's a huge gambling addict and he makes about $20,000 a year and at one point in the movie he's embezzled so much money from his bank that he's betting 70,000 a hand on bakarat and um he's like $5 million in debt driving like a $3,000 car and he's married and like his wife has no idea and uh and then he ends up winning like $10 million so he could pay off like the four or five million and like literally be set for life and this is in the 80s when like a million dollars was like enough and he ends up losing it all back like every dollar and goes to jail and it's funny because they had an interview afterwards and they asked him they said on a scale of one to 100 what would you rate you know your highest thrill um in life and he's like gambling and he goes 100 and they said outside of gambling you know what's the greatest throw you've ever had in your entire life and he's like I think about a 20 and the guy's like how do you feel about living at a 20 for the rest of your life and I think when you do like Max pleasure seeking it's tough because you kind of like numb yourself even in that moment like I remember having breakfast with my buddy and he's like you know oh what' you do yesterday and you know it's like oh you know [ __ ] Four Chicks or [ __ ] five chicks or you know whatever it was and it was just like it wasn't even like it's kind of like tell them you ate Cheerios it was just like zero motion none of it like it didn't you know it was just kind of the course of the day and um I think that kind of goes back to the whole you just get used to whatever your Baseline is and I just set like such a crazy Baseline of what normal was that I don't know anything other than that like absolute over stimulation is going to feel like a little bit of a void but I think at the end of the day I I look I got to the end of the Earth with it and if you go to the end of the Earth with something and it's not enough then it's never going to be enough there's a a diary entry from Elton John it might be the best diary entry of all time he says woke up watched grand stand wrote Candle in the Wind went to London bought Rolls-Royce Ringo Star came to dinner that was that's his diary entry I could see that it's just like and it's probably like and for him there was probably like noemotion with any of that stuff it was just like yeah that's like the course to my day how important is it in to be able to say you know it's the classic rich man telling you that money won't buy you happiness uh how important was it for you to sort of push that limit and get take the cable car to the top of the Hedonism Mountain do is there any shortcut could you have seen these things were not going to make me happy without having to go through kind of the trenches of getting there absolutely not I had to do it like I had to burn this my hand on the stove over and over again like I just I think about this all the time right right so there's two types of lessons uh Bill mutual friend good example of this 2D lessons and 3D lessons reading die with zero 2D lesson listening to the audio book even listening to him on a podcast like a two and a half D lesson going to Bill's house and seeing his dial in system and the chef and the wake surfing and all the rest of it 3D lesson I gave him that stff by the way the chef the wake surf and he fought me on the wake surfing for like 10 years you designed you designed Bill Perkins I I understand um he's like a mixed race that [ __ ] like version of you um my point being that there's so many things that you want to be able the whole personal development industry is based on I don't need to do this thing I can learn it through somebody else what's that uh quote about like any idiot can learn from their mistakes I prefer to learn from the mistakes of others yeah uh and what I'm fascinated by are these kind of uh champagne challenges that are ones that you can only learn the lessons are by actually doing them well there's a caveat to that I think for me personally I had to learn them myself but I don't know if everybody else is wired like that and I also think that if there was a guy like me that told me I might have listened you know like if you Hefner would have told me I might have listened my dad told me go yourself you know because he didn't do it like he didn't [ __ ] thousands of girls he didn't go down this road like he doesn't know so he can give me his theory which is kind of like the whole dating space it's my biggest issue with the dating space there's a lot of like Theory these guys haven't done it to the point that I've done it and they haven't like absolutely figured it out it's kind of like poker like in the beginning of Poker there was a lot of theory like we all had ideas of what we thought was the best thing and like then 10 years later like the best of us all got together and we agreed on a lot of things and when the quants and supercomputer solved it we were just wrong we're just dead wrong about a lot of things that every of the best player thought was for sure the answer we're just wrong you know and I think that's true dating and I think there's a lot of guys out there that think that they're right and a lot of these female dating coaches and just wrong you've got this quote that says achieving the result is Never As Good As what you think it's going to feel like and Tate says something not too dissimilar uh which is having things isn't fun getting things is fun yeah I agree with his quote actually more than I agree with my quote because it's kind of in line with like the journey is more um rewarding than like the top of the mountain you know and and that was the mistake that I made is it was just like how do I race to the top of the mountain not like how do I enjoy each part of this journey and the journey is where it's at like it's not about like being at the peak it's about like okay you know here we are 3,000 feet like the views great here we are 5,000 feet the views better you know here we are at 7,000 feet the views better for me it was just like top top top top top get to the top it's like okay views cool like what's the next amount you know and I so I didn't get any of the enjoyment of the climb really cuz I was so like I don't know just fixated on getting there as fast as possible and I think sometimes just enjoying the journey and like taking a breath and you know and being thankful for you know the climb that you've made so far I think is more rewarding than just even getting to the end because a lot of times you don't even get to the end but it doesn't matter because you enjoy the process and the journey what you know we can talk in py aphorisms all day tactically how are you helping yourself to take more pleasure in the journey I think a lot of people feel like this maybe without having to [ __ ] a thousand chicks but a lot of people kind of peer over the shoulder of the present moment looking for what's coming next you know when I find myself doing this the most is when I'm at a comedy show so you're waiting to get in you're excited to get in and then you're excited for the first guy to come on but you're really excited for the next guy and then you're really excited and you're like hang at no point am I actually enjoying the guy that's on I'm kind of always looking past him so what do you do is there anything have you operationalized being able to enjoy the journey a little bit more are there any strategies that you've implemented I think being present like that's probably the number one thing that you could do is just be present and I think also being present and being grateful is the answer I mean that's you know it's not that complicated but I just think that that's the answer it's being present and being grateful so if you do that then you're by definition enjoying the journey you're kind of focused on where you're at and not where you're going and I think a lot of people focus mostly on where they're going instead of of enjoying where they're at and you know I did the same thing so who would have thought that you and a meditation teacher would have arrived at the same place um so I do you remember me and you had a a dinner at Bill's house I think it might have been first or second time that we met and I wrote an Insight after that which I've wanted to talk to you about since then so trajectory is more important than position if you're number two in the world but last year you were number one that is way worse than sitting at number 150 but being on a huge upward slope from 300 12 months ago there's a few reasons for this recency bias if your value is increasing right now that means you have to be popular at the moment by looking at recent trajectory you're selecting for only the people who are trendy right now which really is all that we can remember we can also romanticize where someone will be in future if they're currently hot stuff how high might they climb who knows maybe to the top maybe even beyond the top humans struggle to realize that everything is temporary including growth and decline instead it's easy to label people as Heroes and losers based on what we know of them right now so we don't have to predict a messy future there's an old saying that there's three types of people on the ladder one at the bottom one at the middle and one at the top which one is the best one to be the one that's still climbing that doesn't just work for status but possessions achievements wealth sex everything it's not just how we see other people it's also how we see ourselves we know when we're moving up or down when life is getting better or worse Tate said having things isn't fun getting things is fun another way to look at it is this and this is what me you spoke about any accomplishment is just a new higher bar for you to get over in future I see this in my own work let's say we do a new episode that hits a million plays in a day amazing that's very exciting in a new record wow also that means that every video in future is now going to feel unimpressive until we hit 1.1 million or higher in this way rapid increases in success are more a curse than a blessing so here's the theory slow success strategy even though we might want our goals and accomplishments to arrive immediately maybe a smart strategy is to stretch out the achievements of our dreams we shouldn't wish for overnight success as we would then need to be able to beat it pretty soon less we feel like we're declining instead slow consistent progress is a more reliable way to maintain satisfaction purposefully aiming for slow success strategy may actually ensure that you always feel like you're going in the right direction yeah I like that a lot I think it's kind of similar to the Chinese farmer Parable which is that you kind of don't know what's good or bad like you could have instant success like you could win the lottery but a lot of times that makes people depressed more so after a year than losing their arm right so you know sometimes people think oh I got a you know big promotion or I want a ton of money or I did this or did that and they think it's great but you don't really know until you know 10 years 20 years online deathbed whatever like was that actually good or not yeah exactly so I I mean I like the idea of the slow success because it's kind of like a constant climb and I always always said like if I were to plot my life and I could just if this was a simulation I could just do whatever ever I wanted it would be like start at the absolute bottom and just slow Road up you know but what I did is I like started here went here went here you know I mean and now tried to reset it to make there not actually feel like there yeah and I I said this to Bill I actually said um that I wanted to bet him or whatever like I don't know million dollars it was something where we would go work a regular job for like six months at Walmart or a valet he I think he actually offered me like a million bucks to be a valet but it was like in the summer in Vegas for three months I should have done it but like those sort of things will give you a reset just like when I went to boot camp that was like a full reset because I was thankful for all the things that you know I took for granted so I think having those resets is actually good so you know if you were to writing a book yeah yeah I mean something that just kind of like grounds you out and then even going to jail for like three months you know whatever just some shitty experience because then after that it's you know what I mean like if you were to be thrown in jail tomorrow for three months or four months like you might think that'd be terrible he spent a million bucks I bet you could get someone to make a jail for you for three months be the most Mr Beast has done' be like the most champagne homeless solution to this ever but in other news this episode is brought to you by ag1 over the span of about a year I tried pretty much every greens drink to find the best one I came across ag1 and I've stuck with it for over 3 years because it is so much more than just greens it is the most comprehensive highly tested and rigorously formulated supplement I've ever found providing essential nutrients and gut health support they all work together to fill the nutritional gaps in your diet increase energy and focus aids with digestion and supports a healthy immune system without the need to take multiple products or pills best of all if you are on the fence there is a 90-day money back guarantee so you can buy it and try it for 89 days and if you do not like it they will give you your money back plus they ship internationally right now you can get a Year's free Supply vitamin D3 and K2 plus five free ag1 travel packs and that 90-day money back guarantee by going to the link in the description below or heading to drink a1.com slod wisdom that's drink a1.com slod wisdom what about the public scrutiny you kind of mentioned it earlier on there seemed to be a period I can't remember when it was maybe like four or five years ago whatever when it just felt like people criticizing financial statements this is where ignite is this is actually what's going on behind the scenes what happened with all of that and how accurate have those predictions been yeah I mean it's funny like I think it was like four years ago they're like You Know Dan is going broke like he's you know fleeing the country he's going to jail like Knight's going bankrupt it's like all this stuff and it was just funny because I think I was worth like 375 million at the time or I was like worth more then than I'd like almost ever been um like ignite was actually doing really well at that point like yeah we'd lost 50 million but a lot of companies you know they spent a lot of money on marketing and we've done like 100 million in sales at least every year for the last like three or four years just in Vapes alone and so you know you know like I think Uber lost like five billion and a quarter or something you know and they were like never profit like I I just don't think people understand companies um and we were also in the wrong space we were doing weed in a in a environment where the government was like heavily taxing the people that are doing it legally and nobody's making money um but whatever you know it's like it was one of those things where all these YouTube people were making all these like crazy claims and this clickbait and because of that they were getting a bunch of views because you know you can just say whatever you want that's the thing about a celebrity is like you can say whatever you want like literally whatever you want and there's no recourse you can't really sue them like at best you could get a retraction but like the legal language unless you say that they have AIDS or something you know like medically you can say whatever the [ __ ] you want and so I was in a weird position because my my videos were getting like 50 million views and my stories were getting like 8 to 12 million views a story and my Snapchats are getting like 3 million so it's was like do I want to shine a light on all these retards which is probably what they want you know I mean that's why you make clickbait in the first place and address this stuff or do I just want to like focus on my book and I just kind of like focused on my book and just ignored all the nonsense um but it was shocking like how much people believe like they were just like oh like you know Dan's going broke and I'm just like flying around my jet you [ __ ] house paid for like all this crazy [ __ ] and I just like the [ __ ] you know like I've got $4 million in watches but I didn't like Flex that I didn't like I just didn't give a I was just like whatever dude um but it's funny like the the you know the people just believe kind of like whatever they read and see I think they're getting better now because of covid and because how many times the media's lied to them they're starting to figure it out but I don't know I mean it was a weird thing and so then that's kind of one of the reasons that I did come back a little bit and I started posting a little bit again because when I stopped for the book that was kind of the time when I realized like you know and reflected on my life I was like okay like I kind of don't do this anymore whatever um but I you know for the company I was like okay like you know we'll go back and you know give him a quick [ __ ] you and that's what I did and then after doing that I was like okay now I want to go back to like being a normal person um but yeah it's it's surprising man people just uh you know they'll just believe what any YouTube video says and there's not really any regulation I mean if I were to make the laws it would be that if you knowingly like you know said something on a media Outlet that you knew was false there would be repercussions but there's just not it's going to be very difficult to prove that you knew that it was false as well right I thought that the numbers worked that way I guess it's going to be kind of slippery yeah yeah I suppose so but I think there is like an element of responsibility when you have a big platform like you know Pierce Morgan just went crazy on Tate the other day because he you know said something that wasn't true it's like where were you during Co when you were telling everybody else to get the vaccine and all this other stuff it's like you know do you you know like condemn the media do you condemn demn this you know like appear is such a [ __ ] hypocrite it's so funny watching him but um it's funny because there is no responsibility like the media doesn't have any responsibility like Alex Jones says something that they say is you know false and and hurts people and he gets finded a billion and a half dollars and the media says a bunch of stuff that kills a bunch of people and there's no repercussions like how does that work you know like at what point is there repercussions and at what point isn't there how did that period of Life feel given that you were going through this deceleration transition um detoxing or whatever you want to say like rehabbing from Hedonism uh whilst also going through this public scrutiny whilst also there's a global pandemic which has kind of shut the world and your lifestyle down did that get to you it felt like I was going through hell but honestly not because of any of those reasons as much as the edit of the book because I did 37 edits of this book and every time I finished an edit I was positive that it was done and then ID reread it and then I would start changing [ __ ] and I'd start [ __ ] with [ __ ] and it was just like I just felt like I was in purgatory I literally felt like I was in hell like I felt like I felt like every day I had like an overwhelming homework assignment that I was never going to be able to finish and I had to go to school and you know what I mean it was just like I don't know like school without ever getting summer break or weekend off or whatever cuz I did it every single day I took no days off and it was like 12 hours on I would sleep for like whatever 4 hours hours and then I would do like eight hours and i' would sleep for you know it was just like I didn't even get like a full night sleep it was just like constant what I found is that if I worked for more than like eight hours without sleeping then my mind I would actually do like harm I would do more harm than good and then had to re-edit you know and it was just I don't know it was it was a lot but I but the crazy part is the talking [ __ ] the pandemic the all this stuff like none of it was as bad as the as the book I mean quitting all the stuff and the and kind of like the I guess um like just a lack of dopamine because if you go from just having just massive Spikes all the time I don't know it's kind of like having withdrawal I mean you do have some kind of withdrawals I mean then not smoking weed like and I was smoking weed every day like I went a period of like three or four years where I never had sex without smoking weed and I was [ __ ] like three to four times a day every day I wouldn't even work out unless I was high it was just like a lot a weed and so you know I think your body just gets used to that people say that weed's not addictive but I think it's like one of the most addictive things and so that was a hard one to quit the sex addiction wasn't quite as hard because I did have you know like this you know hot 18-year-old girl running around like you know in lre all day like you know begging me to Banger so I didn't really kind of like stop and it's not like I stopped having sex but I stopped with the craziness um but it was a tough time you know that was like a pretty dark time you know it was like you go from this like top of the world pleasure seeking dopamine Spike over and over and over and over again all the time every time you're the man you're the greatest thing and all this [ __ ] and then you know like having to deal with negativity and then also the pandemic where you can't do [ __ ] and the world's in chaos you know we've been never been more divided' never been more racist like the country's just like tearing itself apart and I'm kind of like locked in the house and I'm doing this edit and it was just like it was a lot just you and a Word document for comfort yeah yeah and an 18-year-old in occasionally my two cats you know [ __ ] everything's got a Sil lining um what's your approach when it comes to sort of public scrutiny you you know do you get sort of sad or riled up or or um does your self-esteem or confidence or whatever take a hit from things like that there's very few people that spend so much time crafting a public image to then have it be derated rightly or wrongly or falsely or legitimately or whatever but for that to then happen and you not feel indignation at it being wrong or you're not feeling shame at it being right yeah I mean it was one of those things where you know I've been famous for 12 years and like on a pretty large scale to where every country in every place of the world like people are coming up to me all the time Non-Stop and I feel like in the beginning of it I didn't deserve it and like all these people were telling me all this stuff and I was just like you know I don't think I'm the greatest guy on the planet like I don't think I'm you know like yeah I'm doing it you know but I'm also you know that kid that didn't get a lot of [ __ ] in high school and whatever and and you know everybody's got their insecurity so you don't feel like you deserve as much praise as you're getting and then I got to a point where I felt like you know I was the man I was throwing the best parties in the world I was [ __ ] the hottest girls I was doing all this [ __ ] and I been doing it for you know a super long time and so maybe I do deserve it but I don't really care and I think during the entire process like I'd gotten a ton of negativity like honestly like my biggest spikes in Fame were from negative things like throwing a girl off you know throwing a girl off the roof like I just like am chucking [ __ ] off the roof like it's something to do like it was like a hustler photo shoot they asked me to do it like this girl like held on to my shirt you know almost killed me in the process but it wasn't my idea it wasn't just like I was just randomly doing this Drunk On A Tuesday it was for photo shoot controlled environment where they asked me to do it but that that wasn't the headline right but whatever you know like I said I got a lot of negative press um and all that negative press kind of like you know catapulted me forward and I was doing the social experiment to see how much you know how famous I could get and whatever and it was kind of like went off the rails and it kind of turned into its own thing and um and then I would say around maybe 2021 is or so kind of the time that I was getting a a lot of the shitty um press or whatever I actually had I think I've developed more confidence in the last like three or four years than I've ever had my entire life because I don't need anybody tell me that I'm great it doesn't really bother me if people tell me that I'm not and I have like a higher you know self value than I ever have before because I know what I've accomplished because I spent two years reflecting on it and writing about it and like realizing like how much you know effort a lot of this stuff took and I also kind of like you know got a lot of confidence in like who I was a person and like the things that I've done and the fact that I haven't sold out and I haven't done you know I guess things that would compromise your value system for money or for fame or whatever like I think a lot of other guys have done that have you got any times where there was an offer on the table that was tempting or that you would thought oh I mean that's that's a of something for me to compromise my values yeah all the time I mean I got offered $3 million to do one post about a cryptocoin you know I got offered millions and millions of dollars to do an nft post you know and things that I felt like would lose people money or whatever tens of millions of dollars for gambling sites or whatever um come and be a stake.com kick partner and live stream you playing Plinko balls or whatever all that [ __ ] you know and it's like I really feel like gambling is in net negative like I think it's just bad obviously the house ends up with money it's not the answer um a lot of guys want this get-rich quick thing or whatever it's an just to sit on that it's a really interesting point that um everybody gets accused and gets the finger pointed at them for all of the bad things that they do and some of the bad things uh that they have been accused of doing but nobody ever gets given plus points for the bad things that they didn't do you know no one knows the podcast guests that would have done huge plays and many of the people brought on but ethically I didn't feel were uh virtuous like I don't get any points for the bad things that no one knows that I didn't do all of the stuff that you say no to and that's an interesting point you know during the nft and crypto phase where anybody I mean that would have been the whatever like bills coin or some [ __ ] would have been a huge cash grab the distribution circulation that you would have had with that I to I totally didn't think about it but that's a yeah yeah that's like a well it's different if you do your own coin because then you have some control over it but just promoting somebody else's rug that I wouldn't feel right about you know that I think is [ __ ] up because like they're gonna pay me because they're gonna rug it and they're going to take the money and the people that I'm going to send to invest are going to lose so it's kind of like all of those people are your exit liquidity yeah exactly so you know I look I mean there's there's been plenty of coins that have done well you know like Doge you know and that made a bunch of money enu blah blah yeah I mean because because the whole premise of crypto is like kind of this decentralized thing that allows people to bet on like the stock market's rigged and people that you know they saw it in the GameStop stuff like they those guys like bad like they halted trading they did all this stuff like finally like the good guys are gonna win you know and they still [ __ ] them so exactly so it's kind of like crypto is maybe like one of the last things that isn't really a rigged Market if if done right and I think that's some of the appeal um and you can't inflate it like the government's inflating the dollar and whatever so I I do believe in crypto but yeah I I wasn't going to do any of the um you know the [ __ ] promo stuff and but I think the confidence that I have is just in kind of like knowing that I'm a good person not necessarily you know I mean like not doing bad things I think is important too but like I think you get your real Confidence from knowing that like you will suffer for the right thing you will not quit you will have follow through you'll do the things that you you know believe in you'll stand for the things that may [ __ ] you you know what I mean like you'll say what's on your mind regardless of the outcome like that's the stuff I think that you get real Confidence from because look anybody can do things that are easy you know it's like how do you be behave when things are difficult or when the [ __ ] hits the fan that's what defines you not like you know are you the nice guy do you take a bunch of photos when everybody's sucking your dick you know it's like not do you you know whatever wave for the crowd like you know it's just it's easy to behave well when things are going good um but I think it's like how you behave when you know there's going to be negative consequences for what you do or what you say and I think when you stand up for what you believe in regardless of the consequences even when you know the consequences are going to be bad I think that's when you get the real confidence it's interesting that your desire for self-esteem or your lack of confidence originally is one of the things that drives you to make a ton of money and then sleep with a loads of women and then have all of these Peak experiences and then you end up it's like The Alchemist by Paulo quo where you end up going all the way back around to just stick to your words say things that you believe are true do hard things when you can it's basically like a philosophical equivalent of Navy SEAL hell week yeah like King Solomon you know it's like I I I think you have to have some real insecurities to drive you to go to the ends of the Earth you know like the David goggin stuff like he has to have some demons you know what I mean like it's just one of those things where and you know and back to the Chinese farmer it's like you know sometimes the insecurities help you you know sometimes those are good things sometimes they drive you um sometimes they give you the motivation to continue when you otherwise would have quit so that's one of the I guess liberating or reassuring or maybe uh actually disenchanting things of the last few years of my life meeting more and more successful and rich and famous people and realizing that on average most of them are more miserable than the average person that a lot of the people are driven by a sense of insufficiency or a requirement for validation or you know a parent that didn't care enough about them or what the bullies said in school or whatever it might be and uh Andrew Wilkinson guy that founded tiny billionaire he says most successful people are just a walking anxiety disorder harnessed for productivity and uh I think you know there's definitely outliers in there there's tons of people that uh have managed to find the correct balance between Hedonism between what they look for from everybody else how they feel about themselves the world's view of them their view of them uh but it's there's definitely a kind of irony in the most admired people often having the least mble internal States you know if you could just take a little holiday to their mental landscape as their head hits the pillow on an evening time and go holy no thank you I do not want that at all like there's a great interview Lex Freedman did with Elon Musk maybe last year and Elon sort of very solemnly looks Lex in the eyes and he says most people think that they would want to be me they don't want to be me they don't know they don't understand my mind is a storm you're like holy [ __ ] like this is the robot dancing on stage at Japan convention Tesla firing Rockets into space guy and meanwhile he sounds like he's having an existential crisis and you go well yeah because what is it that drives somebody internally and what do you see of them externally and it doesn't a lot of the time I don't think you would pay the price that you would need to to be the person that you admire yeah I mean there's that and also just money doesn't solve the problems like people don't people think that it does it actually perpetuates a lot of problems um how so because it exacerbates them it puts them on a larger scale more people are you know wanting something from you it's harder to determine you know people are there for the right reasons um you know you've got more staff you got more responsibility you've got more things pulling your energy now you've got you know four houses to you know manage you've got a jet you've got you know I mean I have like 22 staff members you know it's private life is just as complex as your person your professional life I mean managing staff is just like managing girls you know it's like eventually you just get to a point where like you don't want to manage all this [ __ ] like you don't you know and so then you hire somebody to manage that you know what I mean it's like it's Outsourcing Outsourcing Outsourcing but you're basically like running a company like I've got multiple chefs I've got you know the I've got you know house cleaners I've got a bunch of assistants I've got you know just all this staff right but then the staff has to manage the staff and it's a whole thing right and what is it all for just you don't have to make your bed and cook your food and whatever cuz like last week I just went up to Minnesota saw family had U my grandmother funer and then I went to Canada and we live basically like in the woods we we got a cabin up there but there's um you know we have to use propane and there's an ouse and and you know we have power only because the generator yeah it's it's a lot you know like it's basically like I'm cooking my own meals I was doing all my own [ __ ] and I just realized how how many things were done for me but at the same time like I didn't really need it you know like it was just kind of nice to be able to just be self-sufficient for 3 or 4 days my there's no cell res service so I never looked at my cell phone you know it's kind of nice like it was just good to unplug and just realized like I don't actually need all this [ __ ] we'll get back to talking to Dan in one minute but first I need to tell you about eight sleep I've been using my eight Sleep mattress for years and I absolutely love it I used to find myself waking up in the middle of the night feeling groggy in the morning and temperature was almost always to blame eight8 sleep's newest generation pod the Pod 4 ultra is here and it can cool down each side of the bed to 20° below room temperature and for those who snore heavily it can literally detect your snoring and automatically lift your head a few degrees to improve air flow and stop it and it is clinically proven to give you up to 1 hour more of quality sleep every night best of all they ship to the United States Canada United Kingdom Europe and Australia plus there is a 30-day sleep trial so you can buy it sleep on it for 29 days and if you do not like it they will give you your money back right now you can get $350 off the Pod 4 ultra by going to the link in the description below or heading to Eights sleep.com modern wisdom and using the code modern wisdom a checkout that's EIG ghts sleep.com wisdom and modern wisdom a checkout what have you learned about where money does or what how you can spend money well a lot of ways a tool I mean it's a tool to get what you want it's a tool to save time it's a tool to you know um set up an environment to you know bring what you want to you like you know it could help you with women it could help you with a lot of things um and so it's it's just um it's one of those things where I think people want it for the wrong reasons and I think a lot of people that get it don't know how to use it um but it it's valuable I mean it allows you to you know travel the world when you want allows you to tell people [ __ ] you that that's the biggest thing honestly like that's the reason I always wanted money is just to tell people [ __ ] you and I it's it's always funny to me to see guys like the rock or whatever that's like still like punching the narrative still doing what he's told still you know like giving the speeches endorsing you know like just like who's your master like what the are you doing you got $400 million like what the is wrong with you like why are you answering to anybody like why is anybody influencing what you say like be your own person you have enough like when you get to a point where like you can't spend your money the idea of like being a slave to money is crazy to me I heard you say not long ago maybe within the last few years that you wanted to make a billion dollars and that that was this kind of you knew arbitrary sort of pointless number to get to is that still on the list is or is that something that you've been able to deprogram I've been able to deprogram it that was one of the things and I saw this in my life like I was sure that a million dollars was like enough like I needed a million dollars and then it was 5 million and then it was 10 million it was 50 and then it was 100 and it was like 500 you know it's always like a [ __ ] another number and it was never enough and it's never going to be enough and you know I just realized that I got happiness from like helping other people and doing things that I enjoyed doing so I need to focus on that it's actually pretty simple it's not like a real complex it's not I was going to say one of the themes here is definitely sort of simplifying rather than adding complexity lots of girls lots of complexity lots of Staff lots of complexity lots of money managing that obligations this party that I need to run or go to or whatever I've heard you say that you know most of the parties that you ran when you were in that phase in La you didn't really get any chance to enjoy yourself because you the guy on the door and making sure that everyone else having a good night you organizing this and organizing that despite presumably a [ __ ] ton of the staff or whatever that are there to help you um and increasingly you know the it seems to me that the best ways that people who have money spend money is to actually simplify life rather than make it more complex but the natural sort of root of having money is more things and more people and more complexity MH yeah I think at the end of the day like you realize that you value peace you know like just not headaches not stress not girls fighting not energy being pulled in a million directions um and so yeah I would say I prioritize peace more now than I did before I had like no peace before so I don't know man I'm not like an extremist I just go all the way this Direction all the way this direction and uh yeah doing this parties is a nightmare I mean there was like one point I I I distinctly remember one point when I actually enjoyed the party and it was maybe for 10 minutes but I was I was and I'll never forget it because it was like and I ended the book on it it was I was in a daybed and I had like 20 girls crawling all over me grabbing me and I was like you know mud had kicked in and I was happy and aleso and Carnage and Diplo were all [ __ ] DJing all at the same time and like it was like looked out there's nothing but hot chicks and a few celebrities and whatever and I just like I just realized at that moment like I had thrown like one of the best parties that's ever been thrown in the [ __ ] world like hands down I know it for a fact and there was like some sense of accomplishment there you know and uh but I realized like this was the top like you I couldn't do a better party there was 3,000 girls there's like 300 celebrities and it was just like there what you couldn't have done a better party there was like the best DJ and the best whatever all this [ __ ] Cirus performers and um yeah I that was like that was that was a mountain that I wanted to climb like I you have attempted to spin it up for one last time I mean there it is maybe one more like that's not but but like just to do it just like [ __ ] it why not but not because I feel any obligation to do it and I feel like I did it because of obligation before I mean it's it is fun to throw a good party because you know people have a good time and it's it's something that you know they remember but it is a pain in the ass man like it's you know to do it the way I wanted to do it I lost a lot of friends you know because like I wouldn't let guys come in there I wanted the ratio to be right like pissed off a lot of celebrities um but they were great you know the parties were awesome I mean for the people that were there so and that's what I want to do I always wanted to like go to a Playboy party and then I went to a Playboy party and it was cool and I [ __ ] a girl on The Grotto and I thought like man like I've done it and then I threw a party that was better than the Playboy party and I I was like okay now I've done it that's enough did you pivot to monogamy did how's that but I'm not but I'm not like some proponent that like you have to be monogamous I just found that it's just uh the Natural State like and and people want to always say like you know the only animals that are monogamous or gay ass dolphins and all this [ __ ] but like you know whatever it's like a natural thing in the animal kingdom for the alpha male all the chicks and like I get it you know like I argued that too and I did you know I [ __ ] a lot of chicks but I think that when you actually really like a girl and when she really likes you or you're in love or whatever it's not worth the pain that it causes her to other girls that's what I landed on so it wasn't so much and also didn't need it too like I didn't need to stick my dick in a bunch of girls like I've done that and I think that because I've done that it actually gives you a unique ability to be monogamous because I think if you're some dude from Wisconsin and you're married after sleeping with two chicks and some hot chick hits on you the rest of your life you're going be like damn like what would that have been like I want to what exactly like you know and I and I think it would almost be impossible not to be like that versus if you've had sex with a lot of girls you know what you like you know what you don't like you probably appreciate the girl that you landed on more so and um and you just won't have the wandering eye so I'm also a proponent of getting out there and you know hooking up with a decent amount of girls seeing what you like dating around figuring it out not putting pressure not getting married because Society tells you should get married I'm not saying I even agree in marriage but like a monogamous relationship I think is probably the goal is where you should you know want to end because I think that's where you'll be the happiest because you can focus on your [ __ ] you're not distracted um and it's pretty easy to keep one girl happy you know I did it with like a hundred so like one is one is peace one is very simple I remember one of my friends when I was back in the UK was s really hardcore into pickup Artistry and Keno escalation and when you know Neil stra in the game and mystery and all of that stuff was coming around I remember him saying over dinner one evening he said uh my future wife better appreciate all of this effort I'm putting in I'm like you're going to have to explain to me how you like plate spinning 15 WhatsApp checks at once is an investment in your future wife says well look when I'm walking down the street with my two and a half kids and the golden retriever and my wife I don't want to look at a Brazilian chick and think I wonder what it's like to [ __ ] a Brazilian chick so he's like really I'm doing this for my future wife and I'm like maybe some roundabout kind of but as you're saying here you know there are some lessons for some people like youi constitutions and so for one person it might be money for another person it might be Fame for another person it might be women for other people it might be all of them that you need to check boxes in order to close those Loops there's that and then I think also you get more confidence um and I think a lot of people cheat out of insecurity um and so I think by dating a bunch of women and by getting confidence and realizing that you know women are attracted and they like you this may not have been as true for you you know Mr GQ model growing up you probably didn't have trouble getting [ __ ] or whatever it's a very ugly oh you very ugly guy until I was about 19 so all right well anyways for I think for most guys there's probably you know because there's a lot of different attraction triggers there's the common ones that guys think about but there's a bunch of other ones that are actually really powerful and you know like pre-selection for instance like just having a bunch of girls around you that are interested in you will will absolutely unequivocally make hot girls want to [ __ ] you and I've seen it you know more so than good looks because I went on vacation with Bill you know here's a good-look guy worth $500 million funny smart like all the things that guys think that they need he went four days on a deserted island with 36 hot girls and didn't [ __ ] a single girl and not for a lack of trying he literally tried to every single girl there and they all said no okay so that was one of the things that like you know in deconstructing this course that I realized was like the things that guys think they need is not what they need because I've seen guys with every single and and it's not like he didn't get [ __ ] I mean I [ __ ] 10 girls with him at one time before that you know trip so like it's not like he wasn't confident he was D1 football player the guy gut girls so he had all the things confidence experience whatever the guys you know set up being on a deserted island with 36 girls that can only him I mean I think the security guard got laid but anyway the point is he was doing the most common thing that guys do which is he was overc communicating interest to women and what he did is he just overcommunication interest and he hit on women in the traditional sense that guys think is correct to get girls he hit on them gave them compliments whatever but he blew himself out with every girl because he overcommunication interest and what I told him in the fourth day was like dude you need to just chill the out like stop overc commmun interest stop acting you know you know wreaking of desperation stop acting like if you don't get laid you're going to die you know and on the fourth day sure enough he chilled the out he [ __ ] four girls you know and like met his wife had a few threesim like everything was good and you know and it was just a small shift and so that's what I've seen is like you know small shifts can have a big impact on the outcome and I just think a lot of people are just doing the wrong thing what is your opinion on Modern advice for men we're talking about crisis of masculinity men struggling with their role in the world whether it's financially professionally existentially with women what do you make of the current landscape of advice for men I think it a [ __ ] disaster like an unequivocal disaster the current landscape is atrocious which is why I spent the last two years doing this and like I talked to you about this about a year ago I actually didn't even know the [ __ ] you were I was like you know sharp guys at Bill's house probably good dude whatever and like you know we wrapped about this and then you know and then I found out that you know you were famous too and you had a podcast and all this stuff and you know and you knew about this stuff and you're interested but like at the time we talked it was just like you know two guys chopping it up about this and like you got it like I I saw that like you understood the problem I don't know I just like I I look out and I just see them getting the wrong advice doing the wrong things having bad results and then the problem is they're quitting like that's the biggest problem is not that they're not getting [ __ ] but that they're quitting and I think the problem today is that guys have maps of the wrong directions and Before 40 50 years ago even when we were kids like we didn't really have directions you know it's like we saw some [ __ ] in the movies right we had some good stuff like what James Bond did and then we had the bad stuff the romcoms but like we didn't really have like the bad directions that we have today and this attack on masculinity and all this stuff which is like just a recipe for horrendous results and also coupled by the fact that women because of social media now think they deserve like this crazy guy that that maybe they could [ __ ] but that's not going to date them seriously and then they have experiences with those type of guys you know which exacerbates the problem and then they end up marrying some guy that's worth $100 million it's just like happy because they're hot and doesn't realize that they've like [ __ ] half the you know NFL football team and whatever you know and then the girl doesn't really respect that guy because she you know has all these other previous guys to compare him to plus the fact that she doesn't really think of herself as being like you know that high value because she hasn't been able to date any of the guys that she actually really wanted right so it's like creates this landscape of unhappiness on both sides for men expectations cynicism yeah there's a big trend of cynicism around dating advice for guys and I think as you said a lot of them are checking out how cynical or hopeful do you think guys should be when it comes to the dating Market I mean if they do the right things There's Hope for everybody I mean look I I was not a guy that was supposed to get hardly any [ __ ] and I didn't like in high school like I lost my virginity to a Mexican hooker you know like and then we went a couple years after that you know we finally figured it out like and had sex again but like not much you know and then the military I like did terrible I would like go up to every girl with the typical like oh I think you're beautiful you know can I buy you a drink line and obviously that's going to do terrible because that's like just setting yourself up for failure overc communicating interest it puts the girl in a position of like I can have this guy you know do I want him and when you look at something like that it's like all the flaws magnify it's like when somebody tries to sell you something they pitch you really hard you automatically look at all the reasons why you potentially shouldn't buy this right well it's no different in dating so when a guy comes up and like lays it on real thick and it's just like oh I'm just gonna be honest I'm just going to tell her how I feel and like all this [ __ ] and like you know and it just runs her right the off because she doesn't respond to that because in her you know past experience all those guys that have come up are usually like the needy guys and whatever and so I had the wrong approach and I got shitty results and then you know in college I kind of started to figure it out because the ratio was better and my Approach was different and so when I started like you know not overcommunication interest and we had these situations where women would come talk to us like I had a glimpse of like okay I'm the same guy here I'm the same guy here but I'm getting way better results here why and that was like the first time and I read the game and so I got a little bit of an Insight on it and I I would say the game was kind of like similar to like our poker theory in the beginning it's like it's an idea some of it's right you know but some of it's really wrong too and I I don't think that you know people are even close to figuring out what is like actually effective I I did a pretty good job like I laid out like a good framework of like the common mistakes that guys are making what you can do you know correctly you know hacks like you know just mindset shifts like traveling should be about the journey not the chaos of packing which is why I'm in love with nomatic backpacks and their carry-ons I'm on the road I'm here in Vegas then I'm going to La then back to Vegas then to a wedding in Italy and I'm doing it all on hand luggage hold luggage is a scop meant to keep you poor and late you don't need it and this thing is the Swiss army knife of travel packs they've got pockets for your laptop your clothes your snacks it is so organized even your toothbrush will feel important it's like the Marie condo of luggage they ship internationally and they offer free shipping on orders over $49 in the United States plus if you don't love your purchase for any reason you can return or exchange it within 30 days so you can buy it fill it with your possessions for 29 days and if you don't like it they'll give you your money back right now you can get a 20% discount off everything sitewide by going to the link in the description below or heading to nomatic tocom wisdom using the code mw20 a checkout that's Nom matic.com mwisd and mw20 a checkout break it down for me you know what are the common assumptions the biggest ones that are holding guys back when it comes to attracting women and what are the reframes or the best strategies that you've deconstructed from yourself okay so the most common problems I would say would be some mindsets like you know limiting um limiting beliefs a big one like thinking like oh I'm not tall so women aren't going to be attracted to me or I'm not rich so I can't get women or you know like all these reasons why they're not attracted do those things not matter no they don't matter at all like at all like the things that actually can make a woman pursue you or chase you or be interested in you like you know Bill's a perfect example he had all the things not one not two not three he had every single thing that guys think that they need to get women and plus a desert island desert island with 36 girls like you couldn't get a better scenario so like that is literal proof that like all these things you know still didn't get light exactly that's not going to solve your problem because here's a guy that had all those things and he still didn't do it right and I and I have another sample of a bunch of guys in my fraternity that were short that didn't have money that weren't that smart all this stuff and they got a ton of [ __ ] so like I I just know that it's not the traditional things that guys think that they need that that's a part of it but I think like like I said when I kind of like deconstructed it the biggest Epiphany that I had was the difference of when you are chasing a woman or you're pursuing a woman versus when she's pursuing you and like the flaw is disappearing on both sides when a woman's chasing you your flaws disappear her flaws magnify just like when the you know when the really you know stage five Clinger girl hits you up all the time it's like you're not interested in her maybe she can suck your dick on a Friday night if you strike out at 3:00 am. right but like you know the same thing's true for women is like when these guys massively overc communicate interests they know they can have them and then it's like a conversation of do they want them and when you're looking at flaws you're going to find them like you've got flaws I've got flaws like everybody has flaws right so when you're looking for Flaws you know they stand out but when you're pursuing something you know like think an auction you know like five guys want something five guys are bidding for something and like you really want it and you have this like you know idea in your mind of like when you wanted something you didn't get it in the sphere of loss you're not thinking about what's wrong with it you're just how do I get it right just like you know and this is probably the most common mate guys make is they're like this girl's hot how do I [ __ ] her you know that's the thought process like oh my God she's so beautiful like I would marry that girl how many times you heard a guy say like oh my God she's so hot I would marry her it's like what if she has AIDS what if she's pathological liar what she's like 95,000 guys what if she's just like a you know a Serial cheater like you know what if this girl has massive problems what if she bipolar what if she's got a massive alcohol Problem whatever right like dig a little bit deeper like be Discerning you know like go into the interaction like wanting to find out more about the girl not just accepting her looks as being enough and I think that's the biggest problem that guys make is that they just like the looks are enough and then then the conversation is like how do I get her to like me so you're already going in there with a handicap you know like when a Salesman comes in like he's already coming in from a handicap versus like when somebody goes into the store because they need milk they just go to the aisle they find the milk and they buy it versus if you show up at the door and you try and sell them milk they be like oh who is this guy is the milk old can I trust this you know what I mean like the difference like when you want something it's just like how do I get it it's not you know the same conversation and so that would be the biggest thing and I and I and I figured that out because I had big sample size of girls that wanted to [ __ ] me that I screwed it up with and a big sample size of girls that wanted to [ __ ] me that I also had sex with and I think that's like look in a in a experiment you have to have the control group right most guys do not have the control group like I literally had girls sending me butt naked photos on Instagram I want to you and I screwed it up with those girls so I'm just saying like only in like cross-comparing what worked and what didn't work with two sample sizes of girls that both wanted to sleep with me could have figure out you're the same guy to both of them exactly cuz like you know there's girls that just like wouldn't want to sleep me because I'm Armenian or I have a shitty haircut or whatever right like there's going to be girls that just like wouldn't [ __ ] me period so because I had that sample that I knew that they wanted to sleep with me and I screwed it up I was able to like figure out the things that I was doing wrong and like one of the big things that I was doing wrong was like I was overc communicating interest I would have problems with the girls that I was like oh damn like this girl's hot you know she's different or like you know I really like her whatever and my Approach would change and because my Approach would change my results would change what about you know to sort of treat them mean to keep them Keen slash not signaling sufficient interest that that person that girl doesn't actually end up responding to you at all think well he's not interested so this doesn't this doesn't go anywhere so I wouldn't say treat them mean I would say change your default setting from nice to challenging you know because like a lot of these guys like they aren't really nice guys like oh like you know you know I just want to be it's like you're not that nice to the fat chick you're not that nice to the janitor you're nice to this girl cuz because you want to [ __ ] her you know so like this whole idea of like oh I'm just being myself or like that's another one it's like I just want to be myself like I want her to like me for me and it's like okay well there's different versions of you there's a version of you in an Armani suit there's a version of you dressed like [ __ ] you know there's a version of you where you like take care of your diet and work out and like you know work at your job and there's a version of you that just like succumbs to every one of your you know impulses like you know like I drive by McDonald's and like you know I just want to eat fries but I don't you know like I want to have Snickers all day but I don't you know like you can make yourself better and I think you know a lot of guys don't do that like a lot of guys are just like I want a girl to light me for me so get Tactical for a moment with regards to guy has girl that he thinks she's hot she's interesting I want to pursue her what is a better tactical way of moving toward that what should they do well I mean I I would not start the interaction by overc commmun interest number one so I would go up and you know have a conversation with her you know I mean I've asked girls crazy stuff I I take like a pretty extreme approach and I wouldn't recommend this for you know all guys but like I'll ask girls crazy questions like me and my buddy were having a conversation the other day and like he was like I think it's I I I was arguing that I think you have a lower chance of getting a serious rejection if you put a girl's hand on your dick than if you go for a kiss and this is after a girl's into you and like you guys have been on a date or whatever and there's like you know some chemistry whatever and he was like you're out of your mind like this that and the other and I was like okay well let's ask some girls so like I just would go up to a girl and I'd be like hey you know like this is the this is the question like you know what I wouldn't frame like who is on which side but like they wanted to answer so they gave their answer now all of a sudden we're in a sexual conversation with a girl where I haven't communicated any interest to her at all and I've almost like disqualified her because I'm asking her this question that like usually wouldn't ask about you exactly you wouldn't ask a girl that you're trying to like hook up with because it's like a crazy question too and so I'm not saying that that would be you know the optimal approach but I'm just saying like that's something that like most guys wouldn't to do but that it's more successful than going up overc communicating interest putting a girl in a position where like she has to decide like accept or reject and usually when they're like forced to accept or reject usually reject is the default and if it's not then they're probably a horror if they just like accept every guy that comes up to them this is your uh chasing versus choosing Paradigm well yeah so so you know get into the interaction and and you know the caveat to that is like what you say to a girl isn't necessarily how important is like how you say it so you could go up and say some really stupid [ __ ] to open the conversation it doesn't really matter like as long as you get in there without massively overc commmun interest right and then I would say be Discerning you know be challenging like you know ask questions dig deeper get a little bit of information about it you know um I mean Neil stra had a good one when he was on with Jessica Alba and he said um you know you know looks are common in La aside from your looks like what would your friend say are the three you know best qualities about you and like in that one question he immediately like pulled away her looks which was like one of her strong EST attributes like nobody give a about Jessica ala she's ugly right so it's literally like her superpower he just sucked it right out at the conversation he's also digging deeper and now he's got her in a position of like qualifying herself to him and selling herself to him she's telling him why she's good you know and so that would be a much better start of an interaction than like you know I think you're so beautiful like I just had to come over here and you know by the way I'm a doctor you know and I drive a Lamborghini and like all this [ __ ] the guy's like you know they try and brag about themselves they're doing all these things and the girls just like in a position of like okay you know like do I want this that's that's the conversation usually between guys and girls is like the girls like okay do I want this guy it's like playing poker and the guys just like turn over their cards and so I would say like you know dig a little bit deeper be Discerning like find out about the girl like you know decide and then if you want to give her a compliment give her a compliment on like something that's unique about her something that's like she earned or you know not just like she was born with you know like if she has pretty eyes I'm sure she's heard that from a million guys like don't tell her she has pretty eyes you know like just be different I mean I guess like a big Epiphany I had too was like when I became famous you know and I had to talk about this in there too is like understanding a hot girl's mind because when I became famous like I understood what it was like to be a hot chick and I understood that in the sense of like I had forced interactions wherever the [ __ ] I would go whether it was a Starbucks whether it was you know wherever like I had people coming up to me and the same thing is true of a girl like when she goes to you get her mail when she goes to the grocery store like guys are hitting on her all the time so it's Force interactions and what I noticed is the first hundred times guys would come up to me and be like bro you're the man blah blah blah like you know all this [ __ ] I was like okay cool you know whatever and I always take the pictures you know but I guess what I'm trying to you know explain with that is let's say you were a famous guy and a guy comes up to you you're like bro you're the man dude like all this [ __ ] and you've heard this 10,000 times is that going to make you want to have a beer with that guy no like maybe you'll take a photo with him you'll tell him your appr appreciate it but it's not going to make you want to like hang out with him now if that guy comes up to you and is like hey man you know I only got a second but I just want to tell you like you know I really like this you know maybe the guy's a rockstar I really like this song that you did and he told told him a song that he did like in the garage he's like and I had that same guitar that you had and whatever and then he's just like kind of excusing himself on the way out maybe that Rockstar like wants to have a conversation with him oh [ __ ] that guitar you know that was like one of my favorite guitars you know like now you're coming out from a different angle and I would say the same thing is true with hot girls is like if you go up and say the same [ __ ] that all these other guys have said to these girls you're going to have the same knee-jerk reaction the walls are going to go up she's going to remember the last 20 times she got caught in a 30 minute conversation with some idiot talking her ear off and she knows that the guy just wants to [ __ ] her because she's built no value right like early on in the conversation if you compliment her a bunch before she's earned it and it's kind of like you're telling her indirectly you're above me well you're above me and your looks are good enough I don't even care if you have fla like you're hot and so that's enough for me and I'm ready to date you for the last three years because I've started my morning with element element is a tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't eat grab and G stick contains an evidence-based blend of electrolytes including magnesium potassium and sodium with no sugar no coloring no artificial ingredients or any other junk sodium plays a critical role in reducing muscle cramps and fatigue whilst optimizing brain health regulating appetite and curbing Cravings you might not need more caffeine you might not be tired underslept you might just be dehydrated and proper hydration is not just about drinking sufficient water it's about having the right electrolytes to allow your body to use those fluids there is a no BS no questions asked unlimited duration returns policy so you can buy it for as long as you want try it and if you do not like it for any reason they'll give you your money back and you don't even need to return the box right now you can get a free sample pack of all eight flavors with your first box by going to the link in the show notes below or heading to drink LM nt.com slod wisdom that's drink lmnt SL modern wisdom it's so funny that kind of uh playground mentality of if I know that I can have it I don't want it and it's so funny how that seems to be in your worldview like a fundamental uh part of the physics translates everything you know it's sales it's negotiation it's business it's all these things person that can walk away from the deal is the one that holds the most power always so here's a big one how do guys not get intimidated or nervous by hot women well I mean there's like the the correct way and then there's hacks I mean you can just like pretend like the girl is chlamydia you know if you like mentally kind of like register like she is chyia and like you wouldn't [ __ ] her even if she wanted to [ __ ] you you're going to interact differently with that girl and so that would be like the first hack to just like tell a guy you know what I mean like if they go up to a super hot chick and they're just otherwise going to be really Giddy and you know nervous and just like excited and all they can think about is like you know how do I get this girl to like and then that they're actually on a date with the girl which they probably never will be you know like you know should I make a move now all this [ __ ] right but like if you give her chyia you just like suck all that out you know then you take away that anxiety he's not thinking about like you know how do I have sex with her he's not thinking about like should I make a move now and he's going to interact with her differently you know and that's one of the things is like interact with these girls like they don't have a bunch of power over you like you know like you don't need them neediness is not attractive right I think that's one of the things that guys subc communicate when they you know over compliment when they over Chase when they do a lot of things that guys do is they just put themselves in a category of like you know the needy guy which is most men and if you want to have you know if you want to have success with a super hot girl like don't act like all the rest of the guys how should guys build confidence because it's all well and good saying that you should be the prize and you should make a Chase but what if you've got low self-esteem yeah I mean that's going to be a problem that a lot of guys are going to have to deal with right so by not making the conversation binary right by not hitting on the girl you're actually going to lower the pressure because if you just let let's just say you just ask for directions not that that's like you know the correct way but I'm just saying as an example you're not going to get nervous to ask a girl for directions right but you're going to nervous if you feel like you're GNA you're going to get rejected right and you get rejected when you communicate interest or you put her in a position like you know you give her compliments or you kind of like State your intentions you tell her you know that you know you think she's beautiful and you want to buy her a drink or whatever the it is you know so I would say go into the interaction from a standpoint of like I just want to get to know this person I want to find out more I want to dig deeper you know like act like you're on The Bachelor and you've got 20 other options you're not just going to pick the first option like you're going to want to know more about this girl and if you go into the interaction with that you're going to subcommunication in a better head space which is going to then sub communicate subc communicate confidence and when you do that then you're going to have better results when you better results you're actually going to naturally have more confidence you're going to have less anxiety because you're not putting yourself in a position to get rejected right and so there's a lot of things that you can do and so my game has always been about like doing less to get a better result and I think a mistake that a lot of guys make is they put in a lot of perceived effort and this is before sex so before sex the amount of effort that you put in is going to cut negatively against you and this is very like counterintuitive for a lot of guys because in life in your job in business you know the more effort the more you're going to get a raise or the more likely to get a promotion you show up at your you know Buddy's house at 2 A.M to bail them out or whatever you know you bail them out of jail like the things that you do for your friends like you know then they'll have your back right so like all this effort is rewarded everywhere in life except for dating so the more effort that you put in before you have sex with a girl the harder it's going to be actually to have sex with that girl and I think a lot of guys don't understand that concept what would you say to the women on the internet that go but guys don't make enough effort with me I want them to make effort I want them to show me that they're interested there's enough lothario Playboy guys out there it's actually really attractive when a guy shows me that he's interested and and displays effort she's lying like I mean I I think it's I think it's good to give effort after it's Justified or deserved but like I what I just ignore almost everything that women say because it's almost all [ __ ] because you ask women like what do you want in a guy and then you look at the last 20 guys they [ __ ] and they have like almost none of those things on the list so like asking which is why like women dating coaches are just like such a waste of time because there's what women say they want and then there's what they respond to and what they respond to is what's important right so and I don't think a lot of them understand like the subconscious response mechanisms too like one big one is pre-selection and jealousy like those are talk to me talk to me about that so pre-selection you arriving or you being around other attract girls not everybody has access to a 100 chick harm in a desert island what can what can guys do to get that pre-election going I'm actually not like teaching do what I did because that's you know not really the direction that I feel like most guys are probably going to want to go down and I don't think it's really like an achievable thing what I'm teaching is more like and I say teaching like I'm not trying to be like a dating coach I just want to kind of like put the right information out there so these guys have a road map to get where the they want to go and I think the big thing is if they just didn't do the things wrong they would have a massive leg up so we just like start with like don't do the like common mistakes and then also you know when I say put in effort I'm like I think it should be reciprocated too like a buddy of mine he would have girls pick up a gallon of milk you know on the way to his house and he didn't even drink milk but the act of them like doing something for them made them more invested in the relationship you know and so these guys like the effort is not going to be correlated to your positive outcome just like if you showed up to your first date with chocolates and and and Roses like you're not going to be more likely to sleep with that girl in fact I would argue that you'd be much less likely to sleep with that girl and so it's just listen once you're in a relationship you can put in effort but I think the effort needs to be reciprocated because the problem is if you're the only one putting in effort if you subscribe to this like happy wife happy life [ __ ] then what happens is that effort becomes expected and not appreciated and that's when women cheat on guys when the guys like constantly because those are all a form of chasing when you're constantly like making concessions when let's say movies for instance like you know a woman would be happier watching an action movie on the third movie you know like let's say she wanted to watch a romcom and you cave and you're like okay fine I'll watch a romcom second one okay you know we can watch that and the third one you're like no tonight we're watching an action movie She's gonna be happier watching that shitty movie that she doesn't like because she's next to a man that she respects than watching some stupid romcom with some guy that she feels like as a pushover very pliable people want boundaries like you want that too I want that like I I I like a submissive woman but I still want her to have like some sense of self absolute dmat well I want her to have some sense of self like I want to know who she is you know like I want she like she needs to stand up for something once in a while so there's a sort of degree of untrustworthiness to someone that's if I can't trust your no how can I trust your yes my favorite example of this is Alex hosi so uh Leila his wife is big into fashion and she gets dressed up and she's you know makeup and new hair and she's like a fashiony sort of chick Alex wears shorts a wife beat her and Crocs with long socks and he said it's a really interesting point that uh Laya is more attracted to me wearing the things that I want to wear than wearing the things that she wants me to wear she's way more attractive to the guy that does what he wants to do even if it's not what she wants to do because because that's a real person corre like that's that's that's unique to him that's what makes him him this is an interesting point that I I really want to try and dig into we've got this and I think a lot of people will feel this tension between sort of authenticity and presenting yourself in the most appropriate way without being so contrived and uh sort of deceitful uh and and and manipul that the person that shows up on the date is actually a million miles away from who you really are how do you think about that balance between authenticity and uh cultivating sort of the best version of you to put that foot forward you know what I mean you know this no I do I think it's a great question and a good point I it's so I mean there's different levels to this stuff and there's different um you know parts so I think a common mistake that guys make is they're like you know what I'm just going to be honest with her and I'm just going to like tell her how I feel and like you know I mean and so they go in there and they're like you know what like you're the you know this spend two dates and like I really [ __ ] like you and I want to you know monogamously they just like overstep too early and it's like yeah okay that's honest but are you really that honest like the next time you guys walk out on a date and you see a girl with big tits are you're G to tell her like you know oh damn like that girl has really nice tits I was thinking about [ __ ] her like there's limits to like what you're you know you can overshare right and so I think you should be honesty and that you should be honest and that's like a Cornerstone of my belief system like I am like unapologetically honest so I am like if a girl ask me a question I am like ruthlessly honest so that's something that I for sure believe in and I don't believe in like kind of presenting you know false narratives or like acting to you know like somebody that you're not but I do believe in like being the best version of yourself and also you know in playing poker you know like they're playing poker you can play poker like it's okay like it's a bit of a game until you have sex like and then you have to decide if you want a date so I think this idea like you owe them you know the entire truth about every single thing that you're thinking all the time before you even get to know them is just kind of a nonsense so there's this sort of uh a little bit of a tension between truly being yourself standing up for the things that you want maybe wearing the the the Crocs is a preference for you and might make her more attracted even if it's not the thing that she would want whilst also not being a completely sort of open vessel and totally transparent I see what you're saying I think Alex gets away with that because he has value in so many other areas like if he wasn't Rich if he wasn't smart if he wasn't successful if he wasn't confident if he wasn't all these other things you know if if if he didn't have pre-selection like obviously other women probably want him like there's a whole thing right social status you know he he's got a lot of Attraction triggers they can get away with that I mean look at me I look like [ __ ] I have a terrible haircut I'm wear cheap watch like I don't give a you know like I wear booty hugger shorts like and I still get get a ton of [ __ ] like I think well I mean you know what a counter signal is right from psychology so um there's something called the red sneaker effect which is as CEOs or as uh people within companies get higher up in terms of their job title and also as they become richer at the head founder CEO level they dress increasingly more casually so it's like the dude that's just graduated law school making sure that you call him by his preferred title the dude with 20 letters after his name that's a leading brain neurosurgeon and has been for 50 years saying just call me John yeah um so counter signaling is kind of that I had this Theory which I think is true that mustaches counter signals for guys that it's basically them saying I've got so much Surplus mate value that I can like [ __ ] myself with this thing on my upper lip and still pull and it's kind of the same with the Crocs it's kind of the same with yeah that's like high level game that's like okay I'm like he it's it's kind of like this guy I I saw some videos of him and he will go up to girls and just say [ __ ] [ __ ] to open and have success you know and it's kind of like he's he's signaling that like what you're saying is not that important but like he's doing it with such a degree of confidence and then he also follows up the conversation with like being a semi-normal human being and he's also good-looking and all this stuff but like I guess the point is that sometimes if you're if you are confident and you've got this stuff down to a science I mean like me and my friends we would just basically give each other the line that we would have to go up to a girl with and it was just atrocious like really really stupid offensive dumb [ __ ] you know and we just have to deliver that we'd have to deliver it dead pan we couldn't say oh my friend bet me to say this and we would have crazy success with that we would actually have better success with that than we would if we went up your own line with well with what the world thinks is correct to say you know and so it so I think you have a point but I think that you have to get to a certain level to do that get round out the pre-selection thing for me I don't think we've closed that Loop Okay so pre-election is basically like women believing that other hot women want to sleep with you so you know jealousy would be them being jealous of other women and seeing it you know pre-selection is kind of like I don't know if a girl sees that you have four million Instagram followers she's just going to assume that girls want to [ __ ] you right because you have a level of Fame whatever like and so I think pre-selection you know and then there's like you know visual forms of it like I would show up at the club with two or three girls that were like sitting on my lap that like you know I had hooked up with that were like trying to kiss me all this stuff and then like women would just come up I could literally just like do like a cir and go [ __ ] a girl in the bathroom without even talking to her sometimes because the pre-selection was so strong so it's not something that I would like say every gu's got I'm just saying you should understand all the different attraction triggers and there's ways to like trigger stuff too like like let's say on an Instagram story you just took a picture of a you know your your beer glass and a martini glass next to it that was it that was your story now girls would be like who's he with you know who Who's That Girl or maybe there was just like a you saw a nail you know like or or a ring or something you know the in the photo it's like you could trigger jealousy and you could trigger pre- selection without like being in your face like I said I'm not like telling people to do the [ __ ] that I did you know you don't have to be there with 30 girls and all this stuff like I obviously like went to a circus level extreme but mine was more like solving for fame and it was like abundance and it was like a lifestyle then it was a brand and it was a whole thing so like what I did had a reason behind and also I was just that was part of my life I just wanted to live this crazy life and I was documenting it and it was like a bucket list thing but like I don't think I optimized for getting laid like I had tons of girls but I would not say my Instagram optimized for getting laid and it's certainly not for like the highest quality of girls either like super hot yes you know but like not the best like quality like I almost like like filtered that out almost and so I wouldn't recommend that what was some of the more surprising realiz ations or Reflections or attraction trigger insights that you had when going through this what were the things that you go oh actually I didn't realize that and I didn't realize that and I didn't realize that uh the biggest one was just how powerful the difference was between you know pursuing and being pursued that was probably the most like when I really broke it down because I realized like on the one side it's like you know when you're chasing your flaws are magnified but I didn't realize like that also the opposite effect was true when a girl is chasing you her flaws are magnified and your flaws disappear and like the exponential effect of switching that does that mean that guys if they do become a little bit more successful they make themselves the pursued as opposed to the pursuer that they kind of need to reframe a little well I fixating on like she's got a wrinkly elbow like shut the [ __ ] up like why that doesn't need to be that no it's more just the sense of being more Discerning like being like you know picky with who you want to be with not just revolutionary not yeah not just accepting a girl's looks like that's a big thing it's a big mistake the guys make I see so many guys that are just with a girl because she's hot and it's like dude worth a100 million dollars you're a smart guy you're successful and you're dating a little hooker because she's pretty and I think guys need to get out of that mindset and start digging deeper and start like making girls prove themselves making the girls compete you know like I mean being the wife or a girlfriend of a guy that's worth millions of dollars and smart and successful like that's a prize like that's great for the people that are1 million doar that's an extreme example yeah earns normal money yeah so for the normal guys I mean it's the same Concepts right like and honestly like most of the girls that are dating those guys are cheating on those guys with the normal guys they're the pool guy they're the poor guy like a lot of times they're cheating with those other guys and so you don't have to have the money to say I'm just saying that's one where there's like a big disparity and they're not taking advantage of the fact that like they could have a better relationship with the girl if they just framed it differently and treated the girl a little bit differently and didn't like over Chase because when you're chasing something it can't chase you back that's another like key Point too is like the moment you start pursuing they can't pursue you so I've had women that were like literally like chasing after me and the moment I like showed them too much interest it like oh [ __ ] like killed the attraction well I can have them now you know it's real like [ __ ] do now I have the de like question do I want to [ __ ] Dan ban like you know he wants to Me Maybe that's enough and I think with a lot of girls that just alone can be enough the validation I wonder as well how many how many girls you're kind of selecting for that are psychologically unhealthy for whom that is such an immediate turnoff well like psychology transcends all of this stuff it's true whether you're damaged whether you're 100% put together like humans just respond like you know like every human responds to an auction you know like when you're when you're buying something you want to like you know every house that you buy you want to have an inspection like we're just wired the same way like as much as we want to think that we're like very different like humans are her animals I mean you saw that during Co you've seen that you know numerous times with how much the media can sway so like we are herd animals and people react you know psychology is psychology so you know like a super smart girl is still not immune to intermittent positive reinforcement you know like there's certain principles that are going to apply regardless I wonder how many girls that are listening I think thinking yeah there's been guys that were perfect for me everything was right and he just got too keen and there's some switch that kind of gets turned off and I wish that that wasn't the case I wish that it wasn't the case that when a guy shows too much interest in me that there's something kind of odd going on so very much that push and pull that sort of balance between the two you know 6040 7030 as opposed to 100 zero and that's the problem is like it's okay to show interest and you should show interest and there should be some Push Pull that's the problem is there's not usually Push Pull it's usually one person is chasing and then and it's usually the guy and the girl's like okay well you know [ __ ] 29 you know I kind of want to have kids like you know it's maybe it's time to stop [ __ ] athletes like this guy's really nice you know and then she goes into the relationship with the wrong frame you know like she could end up with the same guy and be happy if he just behaved slightly differently and I'm not saying like he should be manipulative or gamey or whatever but it's just like don't do certain things you know what I mean like wait a little bit for this you know like don't jump the gun like you know just have some patience talk to me about the admin is there any way to make the admin easier what do you mean the admin well there's you know you're dating you're speaking to girls there's the back and forth It's like another inbox to manage with a couple of chicks that you're speaking to maybe you go for a date with this one so on and so forth for a lot of guys I think that that can get kind of like tiresome and exhaust i' certainly know a good few of my friends who when they have gotten into relationships you know they're happy that they found someone that cares for them and they're happy that they're with somebody that they can spend evenings with and go on holiday with and they're very very happy that they no longer have to do the additional mailbox admin of ryer or Tinder or Bumble or hinge or whatever yeah I mean it's going to be work to find the right partner but if you want to find somebody that's going to Bear your children I'd say it's a pretty important decision if you want to find somebody to stick your dick in that's just hot then you know maybe less important so you know it's kind of like I to me like who you choose to spend the rest of your life with is the most important decision you'll ever make in your life who you choose to date is probably the second most important decision right so I I mean yeah it can be timec consuming for sure and it's and that sucks that is a shitty part of it and there's ways to like you know lower that time and that's one of the things that I want to do too is like just give people better results with less effort and in lowering the effort they're saving more of their time but yeah I mean I don't know if there's a shortcut to like you know just immediately finding the right one I don't think have that cheat code but do you have a uh an idea about how much time and attention should be spent by keeping things ticking over digitally versus trying to get dates to happen did you get into Cadence of seeing each other all of that kind of stuff um no not like into the real like Nuance stuff like that you know I didn't do a ton of online dating um so that wasn't really my thing I mean I I teach guys like kind of the social media optimization and like how to use your socials you you know not posting 20 stories you know and like if you're going to post like you know have some time between posts your engagement is better and like you know don't do needy post and if you're gonna you know if you really want to post and like brag about your car like make the post not just about your car you know what I'm saying like there's ways to show communicate the things that you want to communicate communicate attraction triggers without being like really braggy or on the nose about it and I think captions help there's like I mean social media is like a whole separate thing that I kind of like cover but I think if I were to like summarize social media would be like more like you know communicating the things you want to communicate without overtly bragging which is kind of funny coming from me but yeah very rich what what are the big uh pitfalls that guys do when it comes to the online social media I mean look who do you brag to you brag to people that you're trying to impress and so if you're trying to impress people then they kind of like have to be above you right so if your social media is like really braggy then you're going to kind of come off as insecure so you can communicate value you can show that you know you live in a nice house you can show that you have a fun life you can show cool stuff but the way to do it isn't necessarily like to be standing in front of your Corvette with four stacks of cash you know like there's just ways to show things without tell that to rappers all of the rappers yeah well you know their whole net worth because they're wearing it at all point in times it's almost like a like indicator you know like IRS this guy's got 400,000 but yeah they're an extreme example but I still see a lot of guys like make a lot of mistakes on social media and I think social media is you know it's a powerful dating app it's you know the thing about social media is we're talking primarily Instagram here I'm gonna guess yeah I mean Tik Tok doesn't even allow you to message somebody that's not following you which is kind of crazy they don't even like tap into the dating element of it but whatever and yeah my experience has been mostly with Instagram so um yeah with IG it's kind of like when you do a story you're indirectly almost texting every single girl on your phone without communicating any interest right and then if they respond to your story because you post something cool or something you know that causes fomo or they wish they were there or whatever now they're you know maybe they heart the story and now they have started the interaction so now they're chasing right so like there's an example of like how you can do something very subtly like obviously like posting one story would be a lot easier than texting every girl on your phone so there's ways to like save time with this you know and still like you know get in their mind have them thinking about you communicate value build attraction and you know so yeah social media is a tool I don't choose to use it but that doesn't mean it's not valuable how can guys set expectations more effectively You' mentioned about being honest and truthful but a lot of the time there's kind of a a big discomfort there's braver en courage that's needed and guys to be able to do that what how can they set expectations and how can they sort of learn to be more uh open and honest and truthful um I I think you're saying set set expectations kind of like set boundaries no expect this is is what I want this is the sort of thing I'm this is going to be serious this is not going to be serious I'm looking for the mother of my kids I'm just looking for something that is casual uh someone asks you are you seeing other people etc etc like how do you set those expectations well for me I'm brutally honest like I'm just brutally honest about it like if I'm seeing other people I'm I and she asks then I tell her so that's my Approach is and I think when you do that you also subcommunication confidence because you're telling them that the truth is more important than and you know whether or not they walk and that's to me is like you know that's not why I do it I just do it because that's my moral code and that's just how I operate um and honesty is like super super important to me like and a partner it's actually like you know really really high on the list so and in order to ask for that I have to offer it myself that being said it doesn't mean I'm telling these guys to like just blurt out every thought that comes into their mind but you know if a girl asks a hard question be honest you know and if they walk then they walk and I think being willing to let them walk I think the common mistake the guys make I think this is one of the reasons why like almost every girl that I've ever dated doesn't have anything bad to say about me is cuz I never [ __ ] of them and I think a lot of guys in La sell the dream they tell girls that like oh you know you could be the one or I'm going to take you to meet my you know they just say all this [ __ ] they say whatever they think the girl wants to hear so they can [ __ ] them or so they can string them along and date the three or four girls and I was just you know that wasn't my school of thought I was always just like brutally honest and because I was honest it made the girls like oh [ __ ] and I also set a standard of what was acceptable too and I set a crazy stand standard because I one time had a girl ask me like how many girls have you slept with this week or how many girls have you you know have have you you know slept with any other girls and I was like in what time frame sorry that's I jumped the gun a little bit she's like you know have you been sleeping with any other girls and I was like you know in what time frame are we talking about and she goes I don't know in last week and I was like yes and she's like how many and I was like four she goes you slept with four girls in the last week it's like yeah but I used condoms you know and then she was just like that was it for her that was like her red line and she was out but two days lat she came back and you know what when she after she came back she thought thought about it she had processed it and she was like you know what like I just really respect the fact that you just are going to shoot me straight and I know that whatever you tell me after this point is going to be true because like nobody would tell the truth about that and then lie about anything else right and because of that I was able to you know have a you know have a relationship where I dated her and was able to sleep with whoever I wanted and she never gave me [ __ ] about it and she you know respected the honesty and that was like a unusual thing but you know it was because of you know the raw honesty up front I wonder how many girls would find it sort of refreshing even if it's something that they maybe don't want to hear for the truth to be sort of so plain I mean I would I mean I always ask and this is like you know people think this is crazy but I ask girls you know usually within the first five minutes of talking to them how many guys they've slept with I asked them like what the [ __ ] thing they've done what the most [ __ ] up thing like I just get right to the heart of it you know and I just because that's interesting to me like most of what I you know talk to models about is not that interesting but like what her body count is or what she says her body count is is interesting because it tells me like what kind of lie she's going to tell you know and it's like but if she says like a number like you know 73 then it's like okay [ __ ] like this girl's honest right but any any like low number I just assume that she's lying um and then you know then I'll process it you know and then like later on it's like you know uh you know maybe I can catch her and if I if I catch a girl in one lie then I kind of like don't trust them from that point on but like I said I like to ask questions like that to get to the heart of you know kind of like you know what their value system is like you know how honest they are like how crazy they are how fun they are how sexually liberated they are like whatever it is and like it won't always blow them out like I'm not a guy that says that girls only you know can sleep with three guys or I'm not going to take them seriously or whatever like for me like I said honesty is like up here their body count is like more down here are there any other big attraction triggers that we haven't covered well I mean there's a decent amount of Attraction triggers I mean some of them are you know are going to be ones that you would know like you know looks or money or you know whatever but you know then there status there's pre-selection there's you know there's other ones that are somewhat counterintuitive there's status there's um you know leader of men there's you know there's a bunch of different ones that will you know trigger traction on different scales but sometimes just one attraction trigger is enough like pre-selection alone could just be enough you know humor sometimes could just be enough like it just you know it just depends on how strong it is but that's one of the things is like identify what attraction triggers you have and then kind of like lean on those or favor interactions that would favor those attraction triggers so if you're a particularly funny guy don't go to nightclubs where no one can hear you speak exactly exactly like play to your strong suits you know like if if you're a really unattractive guy then you know maybe like dating apps are probably not going to be the best thing for you you know or like you know or nightclubs also you know because nightclubs I think a lot of times you know your initial um you know reception is going to be partially based on look so what would your advice be to unattractive guys um I mean depends on what their attributes are you know because I've seen a lot of unattractive guys with really hot girls um and so I mean if they're rich then they can use their money in many different ways um to create um you know pipelines of girls coming in so then you can have jealousy you can have pre-election you can have competition you know all these things and you know you can create scarcity um I mean money is a powerful tool just most guys use it in the wrong way they they'll like buy a girl a purse or they'll you know I mean just stupid [ __ ] that actually hurts we spoke about this a year ago uh and it seemed to me that when you were thinking this through the hypothesis that there's kind of two buckets there's kind of the every guy normal guy stuff and then there's this other kind of elite level lifestyle design type Guy what's interesting or unique or what's the what's the setup for that guy that's maybe got fewer limitations yeah I mean that would be for me the more fun to do do more you know one-on-one stuff with because I can make a significant impact in his life and most rich guys are used to using their money to get what they want but in dating a lot of times Rich guys use their money and it cuts against them how so they get right and wrong they'll give a girl an allowance straight off the bat you know which is good for control but it's not good for respect you know and and and I think or they'll buy them purses before they've slept with them and then the girl put look there's there's three buckets there's guys that girls want to [ __ ] there's guys that girls want to date and then there's both right what you don't want to be in is the bucket of of I want to date them but I don't really want to [ __ ] him that's the bucket that you fall into when you buy her purse before you have sex with her you know and so then she looks at you like how much can I get from this guy you know she looks at you like more like a meal ticket or a sucker and the moment she does that then all of a sudden you have to be below her because she's taking advantage of you you know and so I see more guys use their money incorrectly to hurt them then I see them use it to help them and and if you use your money to help you I mean Sky's a limit I mean I'm a good example of like what's possible if you deploy Capital correctly I mean obviously that wasn't the only attraction trigger that I had and I really dedicated a lot of my life to my sex addiction but like you know if you create a good environment I mean it's going to just make this massively accelerate it's going to make it a lot easier and then also you're going to have the pre-selection to work with that's going to trigger the better women to chase you and you're going to have a better relationship if the girl chase you the more girl the more you can get a girl to chase you before you know you guys are in a serious relationship and even in the relationship the more she's going to respect you the more she's going to Value you like you know there's there's relationships where this guy you know is is massively higher value than the girl but because he behaves a certain way the girl not only doesn't respect him but she's more likely to cheat on him versus that same guy and that same girl if he acted correctly that girl will be doing everything that she could to keep that guy happy should be waking him up with [ __ ] should be doing all this stuff she would look at him as much more of a prize it's the same guy but if he just acted correctly and didn't you know do do these common mistakes these rich guys do have you tried to use theory of mind to put yourself into the position of a guy that's a little bit more anxiously attached than you someone for whom when their partner maybe doesn't message back for a little while or the the girl that they're speaking to or whatever that they kind of get activated and they sort of want to push in a lot more it's all well and good for you sort of semi sociopath dating man to you know like sort of cut through oh it doesn't matter like working in this rational robotic kind of way but emotions happen for some guys and that's going to arise and it it creates a compulsion it motivates them to behave in in ways or or deal with uncertainty 100% And and look I can lead a horse of water I can't make him drink I could tell him you know what's correct if he doesn't choose to do it because he can't control his impulses on his emotions and he has a bad result that's on him right so like I mean yeah and that's that's the problem is that you know when a guy feels a girl's pulling away he's much more likely to massively engage and Chase and Chase and that's actually what is going to send her right off the planet right that is going to send her out of the orbit of a girl that he's ever going to get back with and so yeah you're right that is his Instinct and that's one of the things that he needs to not do is when the girl is pulling away he needs to not over Chase right he needs to just like chill the out take a Xanax play cool you know and like not text her 50 times at night like you ever seen swingers no you never seen that movie you gota watch it anyway so this [ __ ] guy like you got to watch the movie he like calls his X and he's like constantly like leaving messages on the recording and anyways when he stops carrying then she wants him back but um it's a classic movie you gotta watch swingers Vince span anyways um point is that yeah I mean that th that would be a classic example of a bad behavior pattern that is going to lead him to a bad result I asked Joo uh how to get over breakup and what you say work out at 3:00 a.m. yeah I mean there was like do Jiu-Jitsu go for runs lift weights like BL get up at 4:30 in the morning um but also he said walk away and don't look back and this clip went like super duper viral and uh it's him saying walk away and don't look back if she's the right one walk away and don't look back if she's not the right one walk away and don't look back because if she's the right one she'll come back around like who knew that jocker willink and Dan Bilzerian we're going to arrive at the same piece of dating advice that wasn't on my 2024 bingo card yeah um I mean it is true though I mean I mean and you've probably seen this right when you broke up with a girl and she's just like okay and walked and you're kind of like [ __ ] you know but if she's like come on baby like let let me make this work it just pushes you away further that's a that's a good point actually you know we've spoken an awful lot about um starting things but how can guys be good Enders like do you have any scripts or formats to follow when it's time to bring something to a close that's not usually a problem most of these guys are gonna have but yeah I me but if you're GNA if you get good at the inflow you're going to have to get good at the outflow unless you're going to begin spinning a ten of plates I agree um and so for that I mean once again it goes back to honesty you know it's just but try and try and let them down easily tell them about the things that they can change but there's no like if if if the reason that you and I'm not saying this is right but the reason that you broke up with this chick is she just really wasn't hot enough and you want to [ __ ] other girls you probably shouldn't tell her baby you're just not hot enough I want to [ __ ] other girls right so there's like limitations you don't want to like ruin her self-esteem but if she has been too clingy and she's been very annoying then you can be honest about her and you can tell her look like you're just driving me nuts you're you know you're checking my phone all the time you're doing this you're doing that and I I just it's not making me happy and I you know and and I want to break up like you can tell her her things that she can change but what I wouldn't recommend is telling her things that she has no control over that's just going to ruin her self-esteem because that doesn't do you any good and doesn't do her any good so um yeah and don't do it over text you know be a man like you know have the conversation um but if you've made up your mind then I would say make up your mind and if you and if for some reason in this breakup she's convinced you that you should take her back I would say at a minimum say I want one week break no talking no communicating no social media [ __ ] just one week no contact and at the end of that week you're going to have a pretty good idea of how much you miss her how much you know what I mean you valued her interactions like how much that stuff really bother you know you just sometimes time is the best thing and by doing that you also have a week where it's like it's not so Final on your end either like you could get her back if you want to which makes it actually easier for you to end the thing right and for her it's like a little less of a you know like immediate severing so she's going to go less crazy in that week so you know I think that's a good strategy sometimes but if it's just like inconsolable and she's just terrible or you just want to break up with her then I just you know just don't string her along you know just tell her the truth and you know I'm going to move on and there's just no getting back together getting back to your current sort of Lifestyle situation is kids on the horizon do you want to have kids um you know it's not something I really think about a lot of people asked me that my brother's got three kids um maybe I'll get there right now I am deriving happiness from helping other people out and so I'm focusing on that and I know that kids is kind of like a part of that but that's the ultimate helping other people out right it's your own genetic lineage a little bit but I I think you have to have the right girl and um you know that's the first step you know a lot of people decide they want to have kids and it's like okay well you got to find yeah exactly it's like and that's a very important piece sometimes finding the right girl when make you want to have kids you know sometimes finding the wrong girl make you not want to have kids it's like I don't want to have more of these people on the planet yeah yeah well I mean you know it's uh it's interesting how many Boss [ __ ] CEOs then find a guy that they didn't think existed and you know turn into a very happy mom or how many dudes that were Maniac business people in their 20s and their 30s find a woman that's the love of their life and go my priorities have changed I real Iz that so many of my businesses with surrogate children I think there's a lot more of the latter than the former and I think the problem that a lot of these like Boss [ __ ] CEO girls are going to find is that by the time they want to have kids it's like much higher chance of autism all these other things and they've also kind of like you know not cultivated a lot of things that would probably help them be a good mother so I think this like Detachment from traditional male female rool is another one of the problems that we have too and I think it's okay for a woman to work and I think it's okay for a woman to be a mom you know or or both but I I don't I think both is tough and and I don't think that you can ever be a good mom if you have a full-time job either so I would you know say if kids are a priority then you know maybe focus on you know doing more like of those sort of things like you know being a housewife you know cooking you know doing those sort of things if that's what you enjoy and you enjoy you know taking care of kids that that's a valuable role and a successful guy would probably much rather have a woman that would want to do that versus work part-time and then get a nanny and maybe feed the kids after work when she's tired you know it's just like I don't think that's healthy what advice would you give to women who want to attract a guy that's worthy and that he's going to treat them well and how can they also um be more attracting to guys the first thing is I would say be more honest with yourself of what you actually want you know I think a lot of women say that they want all these things and then there's a lot of those a lot of guys that fit that criteria that are just invisible to them and so you know like a nice guy I want a guy that's honest you know you can go to Walmart and there's probably a lot of those guys and these women won't even see them not to say that you should go like marry some guy from Walmart but I'm just saying there's a lot of like nice trustworthy guys that maybe aren't quite as attractive that these women won't give the time of day or maybe they're less successful or whatever but that guy would die for you you know what I mean so like if that's on your big priority list and like loyalty and honesty and all these things then it's like okay maybe focus more on that but I think what they tend to focus more on is status and you know looks and um yeah you know kind of like what's what's hot in the market you know whatever or what their friends would think would be good or what you know it's just and so be true to yourself like if that's really what you want then look for that you know give one of these guys a chance you know God knows if he's like you know one of these like guys that don't have a lot of options he's probably like never going to cheat on you and treat you like gold and cut off his arm for you you know and it's like if you're a woman that values loyalty then you know maybe go looking for loyalty don't go looking for you know the basketball player you know been thinking about cultivating receptiveness for women like that's uh one I think pretty uncontroversial pieces piece of advice so in a post me to world where any normal sane sort of respectful Guy treats a no as a [ __ ] no or anything that is shy of kind of a yes as this could be a bad situation waiting to happen in a headline uh I think that women are still they've got some concept inertia from the why men love [ __ ] treat him like you don't like him sort of 90s into naughties uh dating advice that was in very widely distributed to women and they need to realize that the environment that they find themselves in is guys that a lot of the time are kind of scared of making a woman uncomfortable first off because if you're not a piece of [ __ ] who wants to make a woman feel uncomfortable secondly because you're terrified of being a me too thing thirdly because you've been massively undersocialized because you spend all of your time on social media you got this huge big stack all on top and I think treating men as a woman look at me [ __ ] mansplaining uh treating uh men as kind of like particularly slow golden retrievers that need bigger signals than you might think so in the um sort of aristocratic era of Great Britain ladies would drop a handkerchief in front of sort of the gentleman that they wanted and it's an an easy opportunity for the guy to oh miss Mom Mom and hand that back over and I think sort of what's the 2024 equivalent of that you know lingering gaze that lasts a bit longer than you think so that you go ah I mean that's she's either got something in her eye or she wants me to go over you know what I mean so cultivating receptiveness I think is a like a cool a cool idea that would be one I I also think that like just kind of being more proactive as a woman because of the current dating you know like you said you know guys are scared you know like they're usually they get a lot of negative uh reception um a lot of guys don't know what to do so they have bad results um and so maybe as a woman just you know don't go hitting on guys but just go have a conversation with them you'd be surprised at how much more receptive men are to you know a reasonably attractive woman coming up and trying to have a conversation with them you know and it's like yeah maybe they wouldn't be that surprised at how receptive men would be to a reasonably attractive woman going but then why not do it you know like so because they don't really because what's what's what's the downside right like for a guy there's a lot of downside you get rejected you get embarrassed it's like this it's that but like for a woman why not just go have a conversation hit rate's definitely going to be higher did you see yesterday that French athlete Alise feno who proposed to her husband after winning a gold did did um that caused a big sort of [ __ ] storm on Twitter with women saying I would never do this guys saying you you've basically just been cued in front of the entire world other people saying well this is super romantic you know she's just achieved her dream in terms of career now she's going to achieve her dream in terms of family what did you make of that in the subsequent response it's interesting you know my first reaction was kind of like what the [ __ ] but then I mean look if she's more successful than him and she's the bread winner I mean look at the end of the day I'm not a big proponent of marriage because I think it makes your relationship more transactional and more financially based um because basically what you're doing if you're a rich guy and you get married you're putting a bounty on the Rel relationship it's like okay she wants to get a divorce like now she gets $100 million you're putting a reward on that and so for her maybe if she's the bread winner and maybe she has more money then she's making more of a Sacrifice by getting married and she's putting more of her finances on the line you know like maybe this guy's a backup dancer or something you know a mechanic at Automart you know and she's making two 300 Grand a year then in in that scenario I actually think it's you know it's okay right and and and it's surprising come for me because I'm a very like traditional conservative guy but I mean I don't know what if she was worth $100 million not not that she was I'm just saying like in a relationship like if a woman was worth $100 million then maybe she should propose because she's the one giving up you know the most I mean I don't think could take her surname well I don't know about that but like you know I think who has the most money definitely makes a big difference I mean because that's really at the end of the day you're getting the government involved in your relationship and you're bringing the finances into it right like if you want to get a divorce you know you're going to and and it's messy you're going to have lawyers you're going to be in court and you're going to be fighting over Money That's How It Ends there's certainly going to be more conversations around this and I I wonder um how female and feminist culture is going to deal with marriages where women on average out earn the male counterpart you know women between ages of 21 and 29 earn on average £ 1,111 more than men do so you know the gender pay Gap is largely a motherhood tax it's when women hit motherhood and then they have to take maternity leave they take time away they have different priorities etc etc uh two women for every one man completing a four-year us college degree by 2030 the Gap that we had between men going to college and women going to college 50 years ago when Title 9 was brought in to encourage women going to college has now been reversed and broken through in the other direction h so the Gap is now bigger in favor of women going to University than it was for men when they implemented Title 9 which was this big world changing uh idea so that we could get more women into college and downstream from that the people that go to college get paid more on average I know that colleges and everything blah blah blah you can make as much money as a a you know Sparky or as a plumber or as an elector whatever uh but you're going to end up with way more women being the Breadwinners in households so I think it's going to be an interesting role reversal when you go okay what's happening with marriage now is it making an honest woman of someone when the woman out earns the man and what how does sort of a lot of the modern talking points that women have been given how does that play together you know what I mean yeah I mean it's a strange thing that I never thought that I would be discussing um you know to me I think this is probably the reason why our birth rate is declining you know um I yeah I like I said I'm more conservative I I think the you know the men traditionally should be out you know making the money and doing that I mean if if you don't want to have kids I guess both people can work um and what a beautiful future that is for for everybody just feeding the capitalist machine I mean that's kind of the thing right is where does that end so I you know I I don't know um I thought it was okay you know that uh the men went out and worked and the women you know had kids and raised families I mean I thought that worked pretty good it worked for thousands of years but apparently that's you know not what people want to do now and so I I I don't know I you know like I said I'm not a big proponent of marriage just because I think it's unnecessarily um put strain on the relationship and puts pressure on the relationship and makes it more about money than it should be um but I guess to your point if the woman is making more money then maybe she's the one that should be proposing wow who knew B zarian says women should propose more uh where should people go you got all of this new stuff happening um what's launching what's sort of coming up from you uh protocol I have a supplement line coming out that is no artificial ingredients so like no artificial sweeteners nothing and that was one of the big issues that I had when I would take sus before is they had so much artificial sweetener um that it was just kind of like mess with my stomach and so um yeah came out with a full sment line that has no artificial sweeteners and no [ __ ] in there and that's uh it should be done I think on the 20th so probably around about the time this comes out should be available protocol.com and then um Sigma Society is the is the guy thing to help them out give them like the road map and um and help them with just the mistakes that they're making in the bad road map I mean like I said I think they have a road map that has Canada in the South and they're you know going south they're trying to get to Canada and it's not going to happen so I'm going to give him a correct map hell yeah I appreciate you man thank you for today thank you very much for tuning in if you enjoyed that episode you will love my full length conversation with Alex hosi which is available right here go on