Video summary
The concept of the "curse of competence" describes a unique psychological burden faced by individuals who possess high skills and diverse abilities, where their life direction becomes constrained not by external limitations but by an overwhelming abundance of choices. While having multiple competencies is generally viewed as a blessing compared to those restricted by lack of ability, it creates a specific category of problem that often goes unacknowledged or misunderstood by others. This phenomenon parallels Barry Schwarz's "paradox of choice," illustrated through the evolution of shopping for jeans; in 1960, limited options meant high satisfaction even if the result wasn't perfect because any dissatisfaction was blamed on external circumstances like a poor selection at the store. Today, with endless varieties available, individuals bear full responsibility for suboptimal decisions, making the burden entirely internal rather than environmental. This dynamic is further exacerbated by what can be termed the "Titanic problem," where an individual finds themselves in a privileged position of having many viable paths forward while simultaneously feeling paralyzed and confused. The speaker uses the metaphor of being on the Titanic after hitting an iceberg to illustrate this tragedy: just as passengers might feel cold and wet despite everyone cheering about their ship's grandeur, competent individuals may feel exhausted and guilty for complaining when they have so much opportunity at their feet. Society rarely offers sympathy or understanding to those who struggle with decision fatigue among numerous options, often assuming that a talented person should simply pick the best path without realizing the emotional toll of facing such limitless possibilities can be terrifying and freezing. To navigate this paralysis, the speaker suggests shifting one's mindset from seeking a maximizing lifelong commitment to adopting a satisficing experimental approach. Instead of believing that every choice must be the perfect, irreversible right decision, individuals should set criteria for "good enough" rather than perfection and treat major life choices as reversible experiments with defined timeframes, such as committing to a specific project or career path for 90 days or a year. This reframe allows competent people to leverage their ability to pivot easily; if an experimental commitment does not yield satisfaction after the set period, they can transition into something else without catastrophic failure, thereby reducing the fear of making the wrong choice and alleviating the pressure to find a single definitive answer immediately. Ultimately, managing the curse of competence requires accepting that feeling overwhelmed by options is a valid experience rather than a sign of ingratitude or incompetence. The solution lies in constraining choices through periodization—picking one thing to do for a specific duration—and recognizing that having many roads open does not guarantee immediate clarity or happiness. By embracing experimental commitments, individuals can enjoy the liberating nature of their diverse skills without being paralyzed by analysis, transforming what feels like an exhausting dilemma into a manageable series of low-stakes trials where failure is simply data for pivoting to another direction they might prefer.
Read the full video transcript
The curse of competence. This is
something I've been thinking about for a
little while. You probably are pretty
competent if you're listening to this
podcast. You can do things and you're
prepared to try new stuff. And when you
try new stuff, you don't suck that much
and you seem to probably make progress
more quickly than most people. And this
is the curse of competence because your
options for life direction are less
constrained by your abilities and more
constrained by your choices. And this
sounds like a blessing and indeed it
probably is better than the alternative.
But it's a unique category of problem
which occurs while people tell you how
fortunate you are to deal with it. So
Barry Schwarz in the paradox of choice
talks about the process of buying jeans
60 years ago. And you go to the jean
store and there is one type, one color,
one cut. You find your waist size, you
pay and you walk out. Now you may have
wanted a slightly different style of
jeans or length or color or whatever,
but you had no choice other than what
was given to you. So your total utility
from the genes may not be maximized, but
your satisfaction with the decision is
pretty high knowing that you got the
best that you could given the
circumstances. And if you compare that
to today and you go to the jean store
and look around, do you want skinny or
bootcut, straight leg, cropped? Do you
want ripped, blue, gray, acid wash with
contrast stitching or without? The
options are endless. And hooray. This
means that you can finally select the
exact pair of jeans that you were
looking for. But it also means that any
suboptimal decision is entirely your
fault. If you were unhappy with your
jeans in 1960, it's the fault of the
crappy jean store. If you're unhappy
with your genes in 2024, it's the fault
of your research. Previously, your
experience was largely out of your hands
and limited by the world. Today, it's
only limited by your choices. And this
is how a constraint of options makes the
decision-making process easier. And the
curse of competence plays into this as
well. So, if you're only good at one
category of things, you sure might be
unhappy that you can't do something
else. And that indeed is a rubbish
situation. But the constraint helps to
narrow your choices down. On the other
hand, if you're good at lots of things,
there are many paths open to you, which
is liberating, but can also cause you to
be scared and confused and frozen in
place. And we could call this a Titanic
problem, which is an issue everyone says
you're in such a privileged position to
deal with. Adam Masriani says this is an
extra special type of tragedy. A tragedy
that unfolds while everyone cheers. Like
being on the Titanic after the iceberg
hits, water up to your chin with
everybody telling you that you're so
lucky to be on the greatest steam ship
of all time. And the Titanic is indeed
so huge and wonderful that you can't
help but agree, but you're also feeling
a bit cold and wet at the moment and
you're not sure why. Having lots of
competencies
that you could follow in your life is
exciting, but it's also terrifying and
paralyzing, too. Plus, you have the
added challenge of feeling guilty for
your seeming ungratefulness even though
the world is at your feet. So, it's this
very odd sort of concatenation of of
paralysis of analysis, lots of life
choices, lots of different directions
that you could go in with things. this
sort of shame and guilt around who am I
to complain when there's ostensibly
nothing wrong? I have all of these
different options. Should I not feel
grateful for this? And yet I can't help
but feel like I don't know the the
decision-m having to choose what it is
that I'm going to do just feels
exhausting to me and and and tiring. And
um I I think that this is a challenge
that people who are uh competent face.
And it's with the Titanic problem thing.
It is exactly the sort of problem no one
is ever going to give you sympathy for.
Oh, poor talented person. Look at how
many different directions you could go
in life. You could go into sales or you
could go into marketing or you could go
into the family business or you could do
whatever. Maybe you want to be a mom or
a dad. Maybe you want to be a teacher.
You'd be great at all of these different
options in front of you. No one is going
to ever give sympathy to the person who
has too many choices. And yet the felt
experience of that person is always
going to be painful a lot of the time.
So constraining down your choices uh
picking the thing that you're going to
do periodizing it um is a good solution.
Uh you know instead of saying I have all
of these roads open in front of me and
this one that I choose has to be the
right one. If you set yourself a
maximizing decision criteria as opposed
to a satisficing one like good enough or
perfect. Um if you get to good enough
and say well I'm going to do this but
it's probably a reversible decision. you
know maybe I can try X project for 90
days or a year or something like that
and if I don't like it then I can pivot
into something else and here's the
brilliant thing if you are competent
there are other things that you can
pivot out of so I think changing from a
maximizing lifelong commitment to a
satisficing experimental commitment is
probably a good reframe look just give
it a crack give the thing that you're
thinking about a try and if it doesn't
work you can pivot out of it. But yeah,
the curse of competence, something
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