The Children (1980) Killer Kids, Toxic Waste & Pure 80s Horror Madness!

Hello and welcome to another edition of Frankfully Forgotten's Trash or Treasure. Today we have a request by one of our channel members, Miranda Lola, would like us to cover 1980s The Children. But before we get going, what are we drinking? A very fitting IPA Ravens Back IPA. Beautiful. The Children was directed by Max Calmanowitz. Woo! Sounds like a crazy deli or whatever. Magalmanowitz is Yeah, that sounds like an awesome deli. Martin Shakar is in this and he is in lots and lots of stuff. He's still doing things today. He's the only actor from this movie that has like a huge filmography. He plays John Travolta's brother in Saturday Night Fever. Gail Garnet's also in this and she's done a few things. I was like watching the movie like where the [ __ ] do I recognize her from? And I looked at the filmography. I was like, I've seen none of these things except for Kung Fu the Legend Continues. She's in like one episode. I'm like, that's probably where I know her from, >> right? >> But she was also in another Canadian staple television show from back in the 80s we used to watch called The Edison Twins. >> Oh, that takes me back. Yeah. >> Now, if you have ever seen the Edison Twins, then that you're digging deep in Canadiana at that point. falls deep. >> Yeah. And she also did a voice very early in her career in the stop motion animation little children's monster movie called The Mad Monster Party with Boris Carlo. >> Yeah, it's pretty cool. So, the movie starts off these workers at this nuclear plant. Everything looks fine to me. We didn't really go over the place all that well. Should we go back in? It's like, "Oh, what? Do you think they're going to pay you overtime for this or what? I need a beer." Yeah, let's go get a beer. They just take off. Zooms into like this pipe and it's leaking all this [ __ ] So, they obviously did a piss poor [ __ ] job. We then see this school bus and the kids are all singing like that hail to the bus driver. Bus driver, bus driver. >> If I were that bus driver, BE LIKE, "SHUT UP. SHUT UP." YOU JUST DRIVE OFF a cliff and end it for everybody. >> Jam it into a river. and the school bus drives through all this yellow fog and mist and [ __ ] So then we get introduced to Sheriff Hart and he's at the local diner and he's getting hit on by the waitress woman behind the counter. He leaves to start his shift and he's driving on the highway and he comes across that school bus, but it's in the ditch. There's nobody on board. Lunch box is on the seats and he sees like the driver's hat. >> Yeah. >> He kind of laughs or he chuckles. Why? I don't know. Like, everyone's missing. Why are you laughing at me? >> It's a little odd. Yeah. >> Drives to Dr. Gould's house. She's dressed like she's sunbathing, but she's in the shade. I don't even know if it's like a bathing suit she's wearing. It just looks like she's in her bra pants. He's like, >> kind of weird. Invalid sister or whatever in the house. >> Kind of weird. He's like, "Have you seen the kids?" No, she she says no. leaves with the sheriff to go back to the bus to inspect it. The sheriff leaves to go inform more parents that the kids are missing and she hears a sound in the cemetery and she goes over, trips over the body of the bus driver and looks at him and he's all burned up, melted all up and everything. Joyce and it's one of the children and she goes over to the children and she gets all steamed up. We then see the sheriff, another parents house, and it's this mom sunbathing with her tits out. >> They're hanging out and the dad guy's all lifting those weights. He's all ripped. >> Yeah, he's all strong and like some eight pack. It's like, I got an eight pack, but it ain't muscle. Tells them that the kids are missing. And she's like, "Oh, well, maybe something exciting will finally happen around here." Like not concerned at all. Like the old takes that ashtray and empties it in their pool. He's like, "What the fuck?" The sheriff decides to set up a roadblock to not let anybody in or out of the town. At the roadblock, there's some disco [ __ ] that all pulls up. We don't know why or who he is or why he's important. >> I don't know. He just gets the deputy to like call these people and they're like, "Yeah, let him in." And so they drive in. It's like, "Okay." >> Yeah. And then he sees that woman all riding her bike and he's like honking at her to get out of the way. But they have a whole highway to go around her. I think she wants to die. Boogie your ass on around her, you [ __ ] [ __ ] The kids start coming home now. The mom like opens up the door to her kid and like she's like, "Mama." And she goes and hugs the mom and steams her all up. And then the dad, my god. And then you just hear his screams. John Freeman, then he's broke down at the side of the road. And the sheriff comes up behind him, gives him a ride back to his house, tell his wife that the kids are missing, but they kind of try to downplay it a bit as to not to worry her so much. You do find out they have another child playing upstairs and he comes down on the banister and everything. The sheriff is hugging him. So I was like, "Okay, well this kid's okay." For some reason, they stay there till sundown and then they leave to go kind of look for the kids again. On their route down the highway, they see the deputy's car pulled over. He's all melted up. What happened? Let's get out of here. They go back to the Dr. Gould's house. The sheriff is all scared of her dog. >> Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to go in. That dog is crazy. Find everyone all steamed up and burned and everything. They open up this closet and the dog falls out. He shoots the dog. >> Yeah, but the dog is already dead. >> He's like, "Good shot, Sheriff. You shot a dead dog. Take off down the highway and they see one of the kids walking down the highway in their headlights, right?" So, they pull over and take the kid in. They stop off at another house. John gets out, is looking through the house. In the meantime, the sheriff is in the cruiser and the kid comes up from behind and tries attacking him, but he kind of gets away and the kid runs off. So now the sheriff knows kids have something to do with this. Go back to John's house in a big panic and the wife is like, "What's going on?" But they don't want to tell her. John's all frantic and just make us some coffee. WHERE'S JENNY TO MAKE THE COFFEE? HE'S ALL YELLING AT HER, "MAKE THE COFFEE. MAKE THE DAMN COFFEE." John's wife sees their daughter Jenny outside coming towards the house and she's super happy. Jenny. John sees this. HE'S LIKE, "NO, WAIT." HE RUNS OUT, pushes his pregnant wife out of the way, but his daughter grabs his arm and steams his arm all up, right? They run back in the house. What happened to Jenny? YELLING AT HIS WIFE. GO CHECK OUT. THEY WERE yelling at her and she goes up and he's fine, but she sees out the window these kids approaching the house and these gunshots and the sheriff is like at the window picking off these kids and [ __ ] shooting them down. The children. THEY'RE ONLY CHILDREN. >> He hits him over the head with his vase and knocks him out. In the meantime, this kid shows up at their kid's window, lets him in. You're it. >> Yeah. Starts playing hide and go. >> Go hide and go seek. Can they do this sick rotation through the bed? Mom goes up to check up on the kid again and sees him all steamed up. Zombie kid comes down the stairs and the dad blows him away with a shotgun, just goes flying off the stairs and the sheriff takes his like katana off the wall and cuts the kid's hands off and the kid dies. >> So now they know how to kill the kids. You cut the hands off. >> Yeah. The hands. and the kids are still kind of surrounding the house and that's where we're going to end the plot. So, if you want to see how the children ends, we're probably going to spoil it later on the review. Yeah, >> but you should watch the movie, but is it trash or treasure? That brings us to the treasure. And one of the screaming treasures of this movie is the score. The Harry Manfredini score. By coincidence, it sounds exactly the same as Friday the 13th. It's just like they nicked the [ __ ] thing right out of the movie. Like >> exactly the same. I didn't even have to look on who did the score. Like I didn't even have to look it up. The music starts as like I know who did this. >> It's almost like they ripped it off. >> Yeah. It actually works better in this movie than it does in Friday the 13th. >> I think so. >> There's a lot more situations in this movie where it's ominous. That music really helps that. >> Yeah. And it's fantastic. >> Yeah. It's great. Yeah. On its own. Another piece of treasure in this movie is that kind of small town setting and the fact everyone's kind of spread out and it takes a long time for them to drive everywhere isolated so no help is coming. >> Mhm. >> And they can't get help even if they wanted it. That small town charm, right, that this movie has like that cemetery is that really cool creepy small town cemetery. General store that the old woman works at. They all clean her out. They need all the guns and they just take they don't pay for anybody. Just take all of her supplies and leave her there. >> I thought the effects were actually they're not great, but I thought they were decent enough for the kind of movie that it is. Characters in this movie are pretty good actually. Like they're fleshed out a bit. Like I like the sheriff how he's like you can tell he's a small town sheriff >> who's never had to deal with anything like this. Like probably not even a single >> robbery or murder. Yeah. And suddenly he's dealing with this like crisis with these zombie kids. He's totally out of his element. John is a good character too like a regular guy put into this situation and he doesn't know how to handle. And I like how he's always angry and flipping out cuz he just How do you HANDLE THIS, RIGHT? >> DO IT. >> HE REACTS THE WAY you'd expect people to react in THAT SITUATION. >> MAKE THE COFFEE. >> YEAH. IT'S LIKE GO UPSTAIRS. LIKE [ __ ] >> Make the damn coffee. This movie does a great job of building suspense and tension, and the music helps a lot with that, too. >> POV shots from like the children when they pick the kid up, and then John goes in the house and leaves the sheriff with the kid. >> Slumps into the shadows in the back of the car, so you can't see where the kid is. >> Get out of there. You're like, >> and the movie's got a pretty solid tone. Like, it doesn't get too jokey. And when it does get jokey, it's kind of not by design. it's maybe because the effect wasn't up to par or something like that. It's more to do with the budget rather than sticking with a tone. And that's and they do stick with a pretty solid tone the whole way through. They're not going for jokes. If something humorous happens, it's to kind of maybe break the ice, but it's not like they're putting jokes in their horror movie. It's just to kind of break it up a bit, which is exactly how I think humor should be handled in a horror movie. And the whole final act for this movie is really good. Like it's great. And a couple of really good twists that you don't see coming. One of them you kind of do see coming, but when it happens, you're happy they went that route. >> Exactly. >> It's like, I kind of hoped you would go that way and I'm glad you did. >> Yeah. >> Another piece of treasure in this movie that will lead us into the trash cuz it kind of teeters on both sides is the acting. Martin Shakar is quite a good actor and he kind of shines in this movie and kind of really holds the seriousness of the movie in his hands and does the best that he can. >> Yeah. >> With the subject matter to make it serious and believable. >> But everyone else kind of hams it up quite a bit. And that will bring us into the trash. And that is a lot of other people's acting in this movie is pretty like melodramatic and like a little over the top. The hands. >> Yeah. If only I could get those hands. >> Yeah, there's a lot of ham in this. >> There's a lot of ham. >> God, if they get those hands on you. >> The look on his face is right. Yeah. Yeah. Like super overacting. Gail Garnet, who plays the wife, really hammeed up at the children. >> They're only children. >> The children. >> The children. Have you both gone mad? He was shooting the children. >> Jenny. >> She's like the female Eric Roberts. And a her acting at the end where she's like in labor. To me, it just didn't make sense cuz it seemed like she was like having an orgasm when she was going to labor. >> Yeah. It's like I think it'd be a little more dire than that. like in pain and struggling in agony like oh >> and the kids for this movie is kind of cheap. It's the part of the movie where they should have probably spent the most money >> and most amount of time kind of like making sure they got it right. >> Yeah. And they didn't. The movie The movie is called the children >> and the children [ __ ] suck. >> Yeah. The children are kind of the weakest part of the movie really. Even just the makeup, they're just kind of like a little bit of white. Yeah. >> Little baggy eyes and black >> the black fingernails in the Frankenstein walk. Yeah. >> Like, well, let's kind of let's let's work on this. Let's workshop this a little bit. Better if they moved faster. >> Actually, rather than mama. >> Yeah. An 8-year-old kid doesn't say mama anymore like that. You know, it's like this. parents would be like, "What the [ __ ] going on with this kid?" So, yeah, the kids are cheap and they're not scary enough and just kind of more they're too generic zombie. Change it up a little bit, you know, make them look a little bit scarier. Make them Yeah. faster. Don't say mama. >> Yeah. It's like you could get a little more creative. You kill them by cutting off their hands. >> Yeah. >> Like it's kind of It seems too easy as well. It's like, >> well, I get that you're trying to be different than your typical like shoot them in the head, kill the brain type of a thing. I hate the [ __ ] brain, >> but like the hands, like what's important in there that's going to kill you? Like >> Yeah, I know. >> And they all die instantly. >> Yeah. It's like I they should have decapitated the kids or something. I don't know. That would have been maybe a little better. >> The hands. >> We've got to cut off THEIR HANDS. THE PACING FOR THIS MOVIE is kind of a bit more trashy because easily the first half of the movie is just the sheriff going around to all the parents' houses and telling them that the kids are missing. Very slowgoing the first half and repetitive and repetitive. Repetitive. >> Yeah. It's like, oh, >> sheriff again. Sheriff, >> there's a curfew. Get your ass and be a week in jail. Another piece of trash in this movie is a good chunk of the dialogue is pretty cheesy and hammy and a lot of that has to do again with the children. The parents reaction makes no sense. Like how exciting. Like >> yeah, who the [ __ ] would say that? >> Why would you say it's exciting that your child is missing? Tell John's wife that their kids are missing. The first thing she says is you guys want to stay for a pot roast as opposed to well go out and find the [ __ ] kids. It's like, "No, not stay and have a pot roast." Like, "No, the pot roast is not the priority here. >> The children is the priority." >> That's right. >> And they do stay for the pot roast cuz when they leave, it's [ __ ] nighttime. The characters choices are bizarre. >> Plot points that go nowhere in this movie too, right? Disco guy. Like, what the [ __ ] that? Like, >> it goes nowhere. Yeah. He makes a big stink about getting into the town and they let him in and then he makes that comment about the woman riding the bike. I think she wants to die and then you never see him again. Like what was the POINT OF ANY OF THAT? >> YEAH. Or even >> establishing that character and all that time that went into that and nothing happened. >> Yeah. It's all totally useless. Totally useless. >> It'll be totally useless. The two guys left at the roadb block. Yeah, the guy from the thing and his twin brother. >> Yeah. And it's like, well, what happened with those [ __ ] guys? They're just permanently there like a drink and they're all drunk and everything and nobody calls them off the post either. >> I guess they survived the whole ordeal. >> But still, it's like, well, what happened to them? >> What happened to those people? the doctor and your weird sister playing the piano that that they established but went nowhere because they just died anyways. >> Yeah. Eccentric characters. Very interesting. And they should have went somewhere and then they >> they don't go anywhere. >> They just die or you never see them again. Like that rich couple with the guy lifting weights. Like >> [ __ ] that guy all about? Some of the effects are kind of like, oh, like clearly that they're wearing a mask and you don't see where the mask ends and everything too and and everyone wears the same mask after they're steamed up. So, they look exactly the same. You being steamed up would look different than me being steamed up, but they all look the same cuz they share the same mask. Right. >> Right. Yeah. To save money. >> Yeah. And then when they're when they're dead, they kind of don't really look all that melted. Like they look more like a weird like plant. >> Yeah. Some swamp thing swamp thing more than like a burnt corpse. The end scene with the birth, it's like they forgot everything that happened before that moment. Get the water and towels. I love you so much. They just had two kids brutally killed. >> The whole town is dead. >> The whole town is dead, you know, and they're just like, I love you so much. Oh, are you okay, honey? And like but the voice over like cuz it doesn't show the actual birth, but you hear it. >> Yeah. >> He's like, "You're you're doing great, honey. >> You're doing great. You're doing great, baby." >> It's not dire enough. >> Not dire enough. Like too happy >> considering the rest of the town is dead. >> Yeah. >> Funny cuz I was laughing, but it's like it doesn't work within the context of the rest of the movie. Like, >> yeah. Shouldn't it be like, "Let's get this done and quick so the kids don't kill us." Yeah, cuz they don't really know that it's all over, right? Yeah. And before that, when John finds the sheriff dead, he doesn't like rush back to his wife to make sure she's okay. He just falls asleep next to the dead sheriff for who knows how long, leaving his pregnant wife totally by herself alone, vulnerable. >> That's a plot point for sure that's like super whole plot. >> And he doesn't wake up until he hears her screaming for his name because she's in labor. >> Y'all would have slept in slept through it all. >> Trash or treasure? I I like this movie. I think it's treasure. I really enjoyed it. I had a good time with it. A lot of the bad stuff I can personally overlook and I don't really mind it all that much. And it's just a fun movie. I was really teetering, you know, for a while cuz I was watching it. I was like, "Ah, fuck." Like, it's going nowhere. It's slow. The acting's not that great. And I was like, "The effects are kind of laughable." But then there's so many fun parts. Yeah. You know, but it's a good laughable. Yeah. >> So, I think I'm going to say Treasure as well. >> Yeah. All right. Well, and the music kind of puts it over the top a little bit, too. You know, >> I think the movie takes itself seriously, but watching it, you don't take it serious. >> Yeah. Like you have fun, you know, watching it, but Yeah. That's like >> they're like, "Oh, they're totally serious >> that the black fingernails would make it work." >> I used to have a copy of this on VHS. The damn thing got caught in my machine and I took it to that repair shop run by that mean old bastard. Every guy had a VCR like that once. [ __ ] bastard. Killed himself using it. Guy was so obsessed with every mover he put into it. I'm going to tell you something right now. This place is for unemployed bums. They got to keep their VCRs running so they can stay on the dole, not for some rich ass snot-nosed kid who wants to go bootlegging foreign films. I catch you in here with an Arento movie. You're out on your ass. >> Sir, what? Those men over there are watching Sesperia. Better tell them to stop. >> You're trying to help your buddy right out of here, Chuck. Nah. >> Then shut your pie hole. I know a nerd when I see one. I think I'm looking at one right now. Now get the hell out of here. We're closed. So there you have it. That's what we think about 1980s the children. And until next time, keep drinking and steaming. Steamed up. Heat. Heat.