The BEST Creative Writing Class You Will Ever Watch This Year.. (GCSE English, Paper 1)

Hello and welcome back to another GCSE revision video. Now, I recently ran a GCSE English language paper one master class where I went over with all of my students how to approach the challenging descriptive writing question. This is where students get an image and they have to describe it to write a descriptive essay based on that image which has lots of imagery, lots of ambitious language, and a really powerful structure. So, if you're in year 10 or year 11 and you struggle with creative writing and spec specifically descriptive writing, I want to show you within this lesson how to approach any descriptive writing question and also how to write a model response to a descriptive writing question. So, of course, I hope you find this lesson useful. And don't forget, if you want support for creative writing or even indeed language paper one and paper two, I always run these master classes every single Sunday at 5 to 6:00 p.m. And not only do you get the live lesson with me, you can ask me as many questions as you want, but also students who join in will be getting weekly marked homework from GCSE examiners. So, I hope you can join in and I hope you find this lesson useful. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello guys. Welcome, welcome, welcome to today's oneoff creative writing master class, guys. And obviously some of you guys have probably started school. So I hope you guys are having an amazing start to the term. Now guys, um I'm going to begin firstly by uh some very quick housekeeping rules, okay? And obviously for those of you who um haven't ever joined these master classes and don't know who I am, I'm also going to introduce myself. And also guys, what I've done is I've created a schedule of what you can expect from today's master class. Okay? So of course guys, you're all tuning in because you're either in year 10, year 11, or you're doing your research. Okay? And of course, you are um interested in knowing how to boost your writing, especially when it comes to creative writing, which carries the lion's share of marks in language paper one. Right? So guys, what I'm going to do today is obviously go over that. But guys, firstly, I'm super proud of all of you guys having so much interest and enthusiasm so early on in the year. Guys, this is what it takes to do really well. Okay? So, you guys are showing up when at a time most people don't show up to get the results that most people won't. And of course, next month will be mock exams month. The month after that will be resets. So, I know that this is going to be key milestones for lots of you guys. Okay. So, guys, I'm super excited for today's master class. And guys, as I said, I want to make it worth your while. Okay. Okay. The reason why you guys are joining in is because you English can be a really confusing topic. There can be lots of information, lots of things you're being told in school and it's kind of everywhere and you don't know how it all comes together and how it all joins up. And I think it's really important sometimes and really powerful to see how it all synthesizes together and for you guys to walk away with literally a structure and a grade nine answer. So you walk away with answers and you can use this model answer for the rest of the year. And actually guys, I've also prepared a second model answer which I'm going to be sharing with you guys. I'm going to talk about that a little bit later towards the end of today's master class. So guys, starting off with quick housekeeping rules, guys. Um there's three moderators in the chat today because they're going to be monitoring uh today's lesson and master class just to make sure that you guys are keeping the comments nice and respectful. Please make sure you keep it nice and respectful. Also guys, for those of you that are brave enough to share, I always love knowing where my students are tuning in from. So obviously guys, I'm based in London, but of course for those of you guys who are brave enough to share where you're tuning in from, I'd love to know where you guys are coming from. Um, I'm obviously going to be checking the chat every so often. But also guys, in terms of the Q&A, what I'm going to be doing is answering your questions towards the end, okay? So for those of you guys who have questions, please hold those questions, okay? and I'm going to be answering them towards the end because I know that some of you guys are tuning in. You just want to know the answers. You want to know how to approach descriptive writing and I don't want to hold you guys hostage. I want to obviously show you guys how to do so. And for those of you who then want your questions answered, I will do so right at the end. Okay. So guys, I'm going to begin by sharing my screen and I'm going to be checking the chat uh just to see where you guys are coming from. Actually, let me quickly check the chat, okay? Cuz I'd love to see um where you guys are coming from. Okay, so someone's coming from Oxford Share, Nottingham, guys, by the way. So, um, I actually went to university. My first degree is from Nottingham University. Uh, so I did live in the Midlands. Okay, so there's loads of Londoners. Okay, guys. London, stand up. Manchester, Milton, KE, Crawley. Okay. Heart for sure. All right, guys. Luton. Okay, guys. So, obviously, guys, please pop where you're from. I always love knowing where you guys are coming from. Okay. Obviously, Londoners, stand up. Okay. I'm a Londoner. I'm obviously talking straight from London. Um but guys, okay, Newcastle, Woodford. Woodford is East London. So you guys are specifically in East as well. I'm actually an East Londoner. Okay, Rugby. Okay guys, um don't worry if you're late, okay? You've not missed much, right guys? So guys, thank you so much for obviously joining in. And guys, today I'm going to be making today's masterass a little bit interactive. I've created a quiz, okay? Don't worry guys, I'm going to be sharing that quiz shortly. But let me first get into the agenda of what you guys can expect from today's master class because I want you guys to walk away feeling like, okay, I've got this. I've I tuned in. I made the best decision at the start of the year and now I know exactly how to approach creative writing and I'm not going to be confused in that area in GCSE English. Okay. So guys, let me share my screen and as I said guys, please obviously um keep the comments respectful in the chat. But guys, let me first begin by having a a quick overview of what you can expect from today. Okay. So guys, obviously we started off by checking in, okay? And so most of you guys are coming in from London, but I do know that there's lots of you guys who are also coming from Manchester, Midlands, one of you said Newcastle. So obviously it's nice to see where you guys are all coming from. And so guys, um I'm going to begin for those of you who are not familiar with me. I'm going to introduce who I am. Okay, so guys, I'm Barbara. You can also call me Miss Barbara, Miss. When people call me Miss, I always feel really old, but obviously I'm miss for those of you guys who obviously are used to calling your teachers miss and sir. Um, I used to be an English teacher. I qualified as an English teacher back in 2015. And then, uh, I started obviously tutoring back in 2017. Guys, I will answer your questions afterwards. Okay? So guys, please, please, please don't worry. I will answer your questions. Okay? Um, because what I want you guys to do is to be able to follow my trail of thought first off. Okay? So, please hold on the questions. I will I promise promise promise I'll answer your questions. Okay. So guys going back to who I am. I'm Barbara and I qualified as a teacher back in 2015 and uh started these classes. So obviously I've been tutoring since 2017 and even YouTube. I've been on YouTube since 2017 but started these master classes from uh 4 years ago. So this was in 2022 when I started putting together these group master classes. And um obviously guys today's uh master class I'm going over creative writing. But please remember every single Sunday, this is going to be from the 13th of September, I will be going over literally both language, paper one and paper 2 over 6 week cycles. And this is every single Sunday. And actually, one of the things that I've added this year is I've taken on four AQA examiners who literally marked the papers for outgoing year 11s. And so this year, guys, a new feature I'm going to be adding in my master classes is marked homework. And it's not even going to be me who's marking the homework. It's going to be qualified AQA examiners. This is going to be part of the master classes because one of the things I'm super proud of, guys, with these master classes, I always literally I'm so committed to making sure that my students are getting those grades that they deserve. In fact, close to 96% of my students have gotten grades 6, 7, 8, and 9. And one of the things, guys, I also want you guys to do, right? So, of course, you're tuning in to do really well in creative writing, but guys, I also want you guys to see this as part of a wider journey and a wider um narrative in terms of where these grades will take you in the future. So, guys, one thing that I just want to mention and this is something that I'm actually really proud of. So, as part of my master classes, I actually also support students in their applications and one of my students actually not only got a full scholarship. So, this is a fully funded bursery to St. Paul's. this is a private A level and also six forman school. Um, and she did so because she had to get one of the grades that she had to get was a grade 8 in GCSE English. And so one thing that I want you guys to think about is how does this fit into your wider goals, right? Because sometimes it can get you can it can be very easy to forget why you're doing this and to kind of get caught up in day-to-day. So guys, what I'd also like to encourage you to do when you're practicing this and when you're doing these practice questions and really even in the weeks that it gets hard, think about that goal in the end. Okay? And of course, as I said, if you need that support and even for example, if you're like, okay, this is the six form I want to get to. This is a university. I have questions. That's something that's also going to be supported and offered as part of my master classes. Okay. So guys, as I said, what now I want to do is I'm going to share a very quick quiz that I wanted you guys to uh try before I get into it with today's creative writing and the model answer that I'm going to be going into. Okay, so guys, I'm going to be launching a quiz just now because I'd like you guys to start engaging a little bit more directly. Okay. So, we're going to have a very quick 30-se secondond defroster where I'm going to ask you guys to answer just three simple questions. Don't worry, it's not going to be too hard. And then afterwards, guys, I'm going to get straight into descriptive writing. I'm going to get also into showing you guys how to write this uh a perfect response to this. And then, as I said guys, at the end, I'm going to be answering all of your questions in more detail. And um at the end as well guys, I will be sharing the second model answer which I had prepared. Okay, I'm going to talk about that towards the end. Okay. So guys, what I'm now going to do uh I'm going to stop sharing my screen for a second because uh what I want guys is I'm going to turn this over to you. It's going to be just 30 seconds. I'm going to give you guys a very quick quiz for those of you guys that are keen to maybe participate. And I'd like you guys to try some questions. And this is based off um this is based off of descriptive/creative writing. Okay, so guys, I'm going to launch a quick quiz. I don't know if you guys hopefully you can see it. Um and there's three questions. Okay, so this is not going to be a super tough quiz. I would if you are open to it, I'd love for you guys to maybe vote and let me know. Number one, metaphor. What could that mean? Okay. Number two, if you guys can maybe answer the simile question. And then number three, this is something that's always mentioned by teachers. Ambitious language. Ambitious language. Ambitious language. Do you understand what that means when it comes to creative writing? Okay. So guys, I'm going to give you just a few more seconds for those of you who are um brave enough to answer this quiz. Okay? So I can see some questions coming in and some answers coming in. And then guys, as I said, uh I'm obviously going to show you guys the poll results and then you're going to see how this fits in to the descriptive writing part of creative writing and how you guys can now take it forward, especially applying this and also seeing how this is synthesized in the model response. Okay, so guys, uh I'm going to just have five more seconds and then obviously guys, uh I'm then going to end the poll. Okay, so guys, uh thank you so much for voting. I'm going to end the poll uh and I'm going to share the results actually. Okay, so let me see. So guys, um I'm not usually this is the first time I've done um this poll. Okay, so hopefully you guys can see. But the good thing is number one, most of you remember what a metaphor means, which is something uh which is when you describe something as something else, right? Like calling somebody um um an ice cream, right? Um also I can see simile all of you guys remember that. And ambitious language. Okay guys, I'm really happy to see that most of you guys remember ambitious language and vocabulary which obviously goes into creative writing. This is when you use language that not only adds to your essays but also shows um your teachers advanced techniques. Right? So instead of saying words like sad, you use words like melancholic. Okay? So guys, I'm going to stop sharing this. Okay? Because obviously guys um what I'm now going to do is show you guys why I asked you this quiz. Thank you so much guys by the way for participating. That's awesome. Um I'm going to now show you guys why I shared this with you and got you guys thinking and how this fits in to descriptive writing. Okay, so I'm going to go back to sharing my screen so that you guys can see how this all fits in and comes together. So guys, the reason why I did this quiz is because I want you guys to remember three things, okay? And then I'm going to get straight into it with details and how to approach this creative writing response. Okay? So guys remember number one I asked about metaphor and simileies because these fit into language techniques. One of the things that you probably are aware of when it comes to creative writing is your teachers probably tell you guys oh write lots of metaphors, write lots of simileies. What does on a matter mean? What what is um use repetition? Use listing. Right? But also sometimes you hear your teachers saying oh make sure you also use ambitious words. Ambitious words in vocabulary. Ambitious words and vocabulary. And sometimes your teachers say, "Oh, actually your creative writing doesn't have a good structure." So you then maybe sometimes might be wondering, and this is what makes English really confusing. You're getting these three different forms of feedback, right? And you're like, "Wait, okay, so what is it? What do I need to do in creative writing? Is it the techniques? Is it the ambitious words? Or is it the structure? What do I need to focus on?" Guys, you need to synthesize all three. Okay, so just to be clear, guys, and this is one of the things that makes English quite challenging. Sometimes teachers tell you to focus on one thing or another or another. And then you think, okay, so then I'm only going to think about simileies. I'm only going to think about repetition. I'm only going to think about listing. But then your teacher say, oh no, that's not good enough because you don't have good structure. Or I'm only going to write using really good ambitious language. And then your teacher says, "No, no, that's not good enough because you don't have enough simileies." Right guys? One of the things that I wanted to show you, and this was through the quiz, was that you need to be able, and this is something that I'm going to show you in the model response, to bring it all together. It's all interconnected. And remember guys, by the way, when you're looking at this, I'm going to be sending all of this to you guys afterwards. Okay? So, in case you've forgotten the meaning of some of these techniques, I will be sharing them with you afterwards. Okay? So guys, let me now get straight into it as I promised with descriptive writing. And also guys, as I said, I'm going to be showing you guys a model response for this, how this all comes together. But guys, I'm always thinking of how to give my students maximum value so that when they walk away from each lesson that they have with me, they're like, "Okay, not only do I know what I need to do, I have answers." So, as I said guys, I've also prepared a second model answer which I'm going to be talking about and sharing after today's lesson so that you guys can have two grade nine model answers that you can come back to throughout the year. Okay. So guys, let me now get into it in terms of how do we synthesize all of this when it comes to descriptive writing and when you get an image because guys remember that when it comes to creative writing I'm obviously looking at descriptive writing you get a choice of two questions. Okay so you sometimes get or always you will always get an opening of a story obviously guys for those of you that want to go into this I will be having a master class on this during my Sunday lesson. So of course for those of you guys that want to see that I will be doing that in my master classes on Sunday. But also as I said guys you also get a description. I'm looking at description because this is the most popular option with schools and teachers and by extension students tend to go for description. That's why I'm looking at it. So guys number one remember when it comes to descriptive writing you're always given an image just like this. Okay? And it can be any image right? It can be like the most vague image random image. And this is what sometimes makes it so challenging. This also is what makes it um uh uh the question that gets the the most marks awarded because teachers want to see that level of creativity and your approach and your structure. So let me show you guys how we approach this type of question with this specific example. Okay. So guys in this question you're asked write a description of a secret cave that is hidden away. Right? So you've got an image. You can either use the image or your imagination. My suggestion number one guys is I would like to suggest try to use the image that you're given. If you do everything from imagination number one from my experience with marking students papers okay so I was doing a lot of marking last last year when I did my booster classes when they do um descriptions from their heads and completely from their imagination. What tends to happen is you just have lots of disjointed sentences just describing random things describing random things. Guys, remember that with descriptive writing, of course, it's not a story, but still your teachers want to see some kind of thread and some kind of continuity. So, my suggestion is try to use as much as you can the image that's in front of you because what happens if you're using something that's given in front of you in a concrete way, you are able to create a strand that joins up your paragraphs rather than just plucking random sentences from your head. Okay? And of course guys, an even better way to approach this is then look at model answers that do it in a strong way and then use that and take the information and that's why I'm going into the model response. So guys, as I said, what now I'm going to do is go into just your general approach with any descriptive writing question that you get. You will see here guys that there is this uh image and this illustration that I've put together which is five circles. Why are there five circles? There are five circles because let's say you decide and accept that okay with descriptive writing I'm going to go for the image. How do I approach the image? This is how you do so. Step number one in your first paragraph don't go for the most obvious thing in the image. Look at what's happening in the lesser obvious parts of the image and start off with that. If you start with the most obvious thing immediately your answer doesn't stand out because literally 50 to 60% of other people who are answering the same question will do the same thing. Okay. So, you also want to make your writing stand out. So, you start off by focusing on the least obvious thing or the parts of the image that's not so obvious. Now, if I were looking at this and looking at the periphery of the image, I'm probably going to look at, you know, so my eyes are immediately drawn to this part in the image and probably even this person. But I'm not going to focus on that in immediately. I'm going to begin by looking at what's happening at the outer edges or the less obvious parts, right? or also maybe at the more distant part of the image. What stands out to me is when I look at the outer edges, I'm going to think about kind of this light that's falling from this hole in this what seems to be a cave. And I'm going to begin by describing what seems here in the furthest edge of the cave to be kind of the lightest part. Right? So, there's this light and it seems to have bleached or lightened this part of the image where we've got like mold, but also the rocks seem kind of like um sand/ uh a light color. Okay, so that would be my first paragraph. My first paragraph would focus in on the setting and weather, i.e. the sunshine that's streaming in, but also how that affects the furthest corner of the image. Okay, so that would be my first paragraph. Okay. So, I'm going to begin my first paragraph by thinking about okay, so this is the sunshine in the furthest part in the furthest part of the image. But also, I'm going to also describe what's going on in terms of, you know, the description of this part that's kind of been lightened and this part of the rocks that seems really, really bright. Okay. So, then in my second paragraph, okay, so now I'm looking at the these five circles. I'm going to zoom in a little bit more in this description and I'm going to focus on what is it like to be there. How is the atmosphere like? How is the mood like? Now, when I look at this image and when I think about okay, how is it like to be inside this cave? What might the atmosphere be like? Well, actually, when I zoom in and start thinking about, especially if I were this person, how does it feel like to be there? I think what's really interesting is this looks like, you know, um it was maybe taken in the summer time, but this cave is like this interesting contrast of maybe a lot of heat coming from the sunshine, but also there's this kind of cold dark part of the cave. So there's maybe this humidity, right? Because also it seems like, you know, parts of this cave kind of seem to be glistening. So maybe there's like condensation and it's maybe perhaps humid, right? So, what I would do in my second paragraph when I kind of start zooming in a little bit more and thinking about the atmosphere, I'm going to describe perhaps how the atmosphere maybe is quite warm, very humid, because there's this contrast between kind of this heat and also this cold, right? Um, but also maybe um there's perhaps this condensation. So, there's this kind of drip that can be heard in the distance, right? So, this kind of dripping water. And maybe um I would think about kind of this contrast between light and darkness, right? and also this silence in the cave. Okay, that would be my second paragraph. Now in my third paragraph and now looking at this framework, I'm now going to then focus on the most obvious thing to me in the image, the central focus. Now when I look at this image for the first time, what draws my attention is this person who's standing here, but also this kind of greenish rock formation, right? So the these rocks that are kind of stacked one on top of the other and this person who seems to be standing there on what seems also to be like this quite slippery surface. I'm going to describe that. Okay, so that's going to be my third paragraph. I'm going to think about, okay, I held off on describing the most obvious thing. Now I'm going to describe that in more detail. Okay, so that's going to be my third paragraph. My central focus, right, these rock formations at the center, but also this person. Then in my fourth paragraph, I'm now going to think about, okay, so I'm going to look at one or two objects within the image and describe their feelings. In fact, going back to this. Okay, so now I'm going to start zooming in even further, either looking for an object which I'm going to personify and give feelings to or I'm going to look at in this image as there's a person, I might describe how that person feels. I might describe how they feel as they stand in this secret hidden cave. Right? So, I'm going to focus my fourth paragraph perhaps on this person who's who seems to be looking out at, you know, this rock formation, this, you know, really dramatic cave which seems to be quite um isolated, quite hidden, and I'm going to focus in on that. Okay, so that's going to be my fourth paragraph, feelings. Okay, so I'm going to focus on the person who is alone in this cave and they're looking around. Maybe they're feeling wonder, they're feeling surprised, etc. And then the fifth and final paragraph, guys, I'm going to maybe add a ever so slight change. Okay? So, with this descriptive writing response, what you can do, obviously, try not to change the what's happening in the image too much cuz you're trying to portray a picture of what's happening. But what you can do is add an ever so slight change, right? So maybe for example, what I might do is talk about and make the change ever so slight, not massive. I might talk about how this light maybe starts traveling across the cave. Maybe the light starts getting dimmer because the sun starts kind of fading away. Maybe perhaps this person who's looking at these rocks turns back and walks away. Okay, so that's going to be my fifth and final paragraphs. And guys, uh what I'm going to do is I'm going to quickly check the chat just to see that hopefully you guys can hear me. And uh then obviously guys um I'm going to get into it with the model answer and the model response. And as I said guys, going back to um how I'm going to um approach this, I'm going to show you guys how all of this comes together. Okay, so the ambitious language, the techniques, but then also having a structure that makes it really easy for you to hold your teacher's hand and for them to follow your trail of thought and your description as you develop. Okay. and as you develop your response. Okay. So guys, uh I'm going to finish off this plan by talking about the uh slight change as I said and the slight change could be uh so this is the slight change which could be for example the woman turns away and perhaps um also perhaps the sunshine or or the shaft of light that's kind of maybe at the furthest edge of the cave starts moving and shifting. Okay, so the light um shifts from one side to the next. Okay. So guys, I'm going to quickly check hopefully that there's no um issues with sound or anything. I'm just going to quickly check the chat and just ask if you guys can still hear me so that um I can uh I can know that you guys uh can hear me properly and you know I'm I'm still audible. Okay, so guys uh Okay. So I can see that you guys can still hear me. Okay, perfect. Perfect. Okay. Um and I can see one question that came in. When should we finish the GCSE content by? Um guys, if you're in year 11, your GCSE content hopefully, so usually teachers if they want to be on time so that you guys can have enough time to revise, it should all be done the teaching stuff by December so that you guys can just focus on mocks. Okay. Uh right guys, so thank you so much for letting me know that you can still hear me. Okay. So guys, as I said, just to remind you and I'm just going to uh remind you guys of uh what I'm now going to do. I'm now going to because obviously guys, I've shown you guys how to approach descriptive writing in terms of structure. Now guys, I'm going to show you how we synthesize all this stuff. This is techniques plus also ambitious language and vocabulary plus also a structure. And then, as I said guys, there's going to be a Q&A right at the end where you can ask me your questions. And also guys for anybody that's like okay um what if I want to practice this and then I want to um I want my work marked. Okay guys remember that if you want marking from actual examiners right AQA examiners this is something that's going to be offered from Sunday uh when I start running those uh master classes as well. Okay so guys model answer time. Let me show you guys how we now synthesize all of this and how all of this comes together. Okay. So guys, as I said, now what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you guys in terms of a model answer. I'm going to um color code each paragraph. Okay. So, let me color code it so that you guys can see um how this all comes together. My first paragraphs, let me just go back to my descriptive writing framework like literally physically drawing. Right? So, my first paragraph is going to be my setting and weather. Right? I'm going to use the setting and weather to still describe what's happening in the image. I'm going to have that in blue. And um my second paragraph which is going back to this my atmosphere and mood. How does it feel like to be there? What's the atmosphere like? What's the mood like? Is it hot? Is it cold? Is it silent? Is it loud? Right? That's part of atmosphere. That one guys, I'm going to have that in red. Okay? So, I'm going to have that in red. By the way, guys, I'm color coding this so that you see how this all comes together. But when you practice, you don't have to use different pens. You can just use blue or black ink. Okay? But I want you guys to have this especially when you are um reading it afterwards. Okay. Um you can see how this all synthesizes and how it all comes together. Now my third paragraph which is my central focus, the most obvious part of my image which I have held off on so that my answer can stand out. I'm not starting like the way everybody else is starting. Now here in my third paragraph, I'm going to talk about the most obvious thing to me in the image. Okay. So this is my central focus. I'm going to change that and make that green. Okay. So, this is my central focus. Then my fourth paragraph, guys, which I'm going to put in purple, is uh my feelings paragraph. So, I'm going to think about an object or in this case, the person. And I'm going to really zoom in on them and then describe their feelings in this setting. Okay. Nothing has happened because it's still descriptive writing. It's not a story. I'm not changing it into a story. Then my fifth and final paragraph, I'm going to have that in let me see, burgundy. Right. to this red. This is now my ever so slight change. Of course, because this is a description, I do not make it into a story. Therefore, the change in my image has to be very slight, not dramatic. Otherwise, that becomes a story. So, I'm going to finish off with an ever so slight change. And as I said guys, just to remind you, you're going to see how this all comes together. One thing guys is I want you guys to really have a powerful model response that will not only impress your teacher but also teaches you guys new vocabulary and new words that you can use and also change and adapt to different questions. What that means guys is when I'm developing this response now you will see words that you don't understand which is fine. I will of course explain them. If you don't understand them you can ask me to define them in the end. But guys, if you see words you don't understand, do not feel discouraged. What you need to feel is, okay, great. I'm learning something. This is something that I'm now going to be able to use later. Okay, so guys, just a disclaimer that you're going to see stuff and words that you may not understand. That's fine. As I go along, of course, I'm going to try as much as I can to explain them. But also, guys, do not get discouraged if you're looking at it and you're like, "Oh my gosh, I don't understand. Oh, I'll never learn. I'm never going to get good at this." No, guys. Remember that what you want to do is learn because if you see things that you don't understand and then you adapt and learn them and also include them in your response, that's how you improve. Okay? So guys, let me show you how now to um put it all together. Okay? And then as I said guys, I'm then going to take your questions at the end. Okay? Um so guys, as I said, I'm now going to start off with the um furthest part of the image. I'm thinking about I'm going to begin by describing the setting and weather. And I'm going to do so by thinking about okay when I look at this image what's kind of going on around right and more specifically when I look at this I can see somebody has raised their hand I'm going to address your question in a second but when I look at this how can I describe um especially the further part of this image okay so um what I'm going to do is I'm going to start with my first paragraph guys okay this is the sunshine in the furthest part of the image and also what's happening um you know looking at this okay and obviously guys there's a plain version here so that you guys can see what I'm talking about so I'm going to start by describing this. Okay. So guys, this is now how it all comes together and as much as I can, I hope I'll be able to explain the words and also you will see how these words, especially the new ambitious words, fit in. Okay, so I'm going to start off with a weather sentence. I'm going to talk about how large vaults of light, by the way guys, vaults is rays. You can talk about sunshine, sun rays, or the vaults of light from the sun. Okay. So, this is a really nice word to use. So, you can say um large vaults of in fact I can say white light, right? Um filtered into the mouth of the cave, right? So, here I'm using personification and also imagery. Okay, this is techniques. Um, and here I'm then going to mention, so I'm saying that the cave has this mouth. And then I'm going to mention how um they fell from the sky like a light from heaven bathing. So this is bathing um the furthest the furthest edge or even furthest edge of the cave of the cave um with white light. Right. So now here I have also used repetition but I've started off by describing and really concretely setting the weather and also really concretely showing that okay I'm starting by talking about this part of the image which is the light that's streaming in. Okay. But I don't stop there. I then develop I mention brilliant rays of sunshine, right? Um what what happens? So here maybe um fell through the caves. Uh so through the caves opening and bounced off the uh uh the rocks. So even bounced off maybe the rocks are quite sharp, right? So this is a cave with lots of rocks and maybe they're sharp, right? Bounced off the sharp rocks. They um and what they do perhaps I'm going to mention how they bleached they made the rocks especially the lighter rocks really really light in color right so I would say that they bleached the rocks um with a sandy white color um the rocks formed so this is the rocks formed an arch as they so here I'm talking about how these rocks they're kind of rising in this arc or an arch shape right so these rocks They're forming an arch as they rose up to the mouth of the cave. Right? So here again, I'm personifying the cave, it's opening, its mouth. Right? Also, by the way, guys, if you're describing like a mountain, any object that has an opening, you can say that um you know, the the mouth of this object, right? Really nice and easy personification. And maybe um I'm going to mention how more and more streaks of sunlight. So here I'm using lots of sibilance s sounds. Um maybe perhaps they uh fell into the cave and illuminated the mold. The mold that sat so illuminated. So this is they lit up. They brightened up the mold that sat on top of the rocks, right? Um, the mold looked the mold looked like seaweed which was strown across a beach um as it lay on the rocks and dotted their surface. Right? So here I'm describing this. Right? And then I'm going to mention a little bit more maybe describing the mold a little bit more. By the way guys, the mold that I'm talking about is this part here. Okay. So, this is the green parts that are on the rocks, right? So, here I'm going to describe maybe how the mold cuz um maybe the mold is like very um thick and quite hairy, right? So, here I'm going to maybe mention that um thick hairy mold. So, thick hairy mold press crossed. So, this is they crossed they went across the um sharp or even the jagged sharp surface surface of the rocks. They curled and dried as more and more sunlight continued to pour into so to pour into the cave. And that's it for my first paragraph guys. Just reminding you. Okay, what have I done so far in this first paragraph? Number one, I have made sure that I am really clear in terms of my structure. I am also not feeling like I have to describe every single thing like way too much that's going on in the image. I'm focusing in on just one or two bits in the image which is the sunlight and also the surface of the rocks. But I'm going into lots of depth and detail in describing them. But also what I'm doing in this opening paragraph is I'm establishing a really strong sense of what the setting and the weather is like. In fact guys, I'm going to go back to um one thing to remember guys. One of the things that also can be quite confusing guys about creative writing and especially description is sometimes with an image where there's lots going on, you feel like you have to describe everything. You then start writing loads and loads of sentences. I have to describe this, I have to describe that. You then write lots and lots of different disjointed sentences just simply trying to describe every single thing in the image. I would like to recommend guys don't take that approach. Focus on depth. What I mean by that, guys, is take one or two things or maybe three things max per paragraph and go into lots of detail describing it. You're going to see in all of these sentences, guys, what I focused more most on is mainly the light, the sunlight that's coming in, the rocks, and the mold. Those three things I've gone into depth and detail. That is what distinguishes the higherend mark responses versus the responses that describe bits and pieces, but they're very shallow. Okay. So guys, um, now I'm going to go into my second paragraph talking about and describing what is the mood like there, right? And obviously this is a secret hidden cave, right? So it's probably quiet, but also as I said, when I kind of focus in on what's going on, there's this interesting contrast of light pouring in. So it's probably quite hot, quite summery, but also there's this kind of dark part and also what seems to be kind of like a slippery wet surface. So maybe there's lots of condensation, right? when there's lots of heat but also maybe a cool part and then perhaps you know you've got these droplets of sweat or dew that forms and then the surfaces become slippery. So I'm going to also describe that as well and talk about the humidity, how warm it is and how it's like maybe a little bit suffocating to be in there. Okay. So guys, as I said, I'm now going to go into my second paragraph. As I mentioned guys, I'm going to um go into this response that you see how it all comes together and then I'm going to answer your questions afterwards. Okay? So guys, I want you guys to be able to just follow my trail of thought, especially for those of you guys who just want to see how does an answer look like. Okay, so now I'm going to describe what's happening in my second paragraph atmosphere and moodwise. Okay, so now here I'm going to think about um maybe it's quite warm inside the cave, right? Cuz it kind of looks like a cave that's um in the summertime how it look it might look like, right? So, I'm going to mention how a tropical So, here I'm going to mention a tropical warmth hung um in the air, right? So, here I'm mentioning how it's actually quite warm, right? Maybe humid. I'm going to mention um uh uh echoes sounded in the distance, yet um there were no birds, no uh creatures, no scuttling. Right? So, I'm saying that there's echoes, but there's nothing that's actually running around, right? And then maybe later on I'm going to talk about there's maybe a drip sound and that's what's causing the echoes, right? Maybe the condensation and the droplets like falling. So here I'm going to go into um mentioning perhaps um perhaps the um the heat was like a uh thick blanket that hung over the entire cave as the sun's rays continued to stream in. Right? So here I'm just describing how hot it is but also this cave is really empty. Right? And then I'm going to mention how uh the sun's heat was an unwanted guest. So here I'm going to mention how the sun was a guest that nobody wanted in that cave, which is a metaphor, right? So I'm going to mention it was an unwanted guest as it crept in and um uh and uh slithered through the cave. Then I'm going to go into a bit more detail. Uh, yet it. So, here I'm going to go into yet it struggled to um light up the caves dark interior, right? Um, and then I'm going to mention uh whilst so now um when I look at the image perhaps there's all of these rocks, right? So there's um really bright rocks but also there's really dark rocks, right? So here I'm going to mention um I'm going to create maybe some contrast, right? So whilst white rocks um close to the caves, close to the caves opening took in the light, the darker rocks in within the cave sat still. Right? Um maybe here I'm going to add my one word sentence. Right? So here I'm going to say that these darker the darker part of the cave it was kind of still um really untouched by sun rays. Right? Apart from like a little bit of light here and there. And I'm going to create some contrast. Right? So guys, also remember when you're writing stories or descriptions like this, you want to create contrast. Right? So I'm contrasting the light versus the dark. And then here I'm going to develop this and I'm going to mention um uh although heat fell from the sky, damp rose damp rose from the ground of the cave. Um condensation formed. So here I have longer sentences and I'm now adding my shorter sentences. Right? And what's happening? Um it caused so this condensation it caused the caves the caves dark corners to glisten with damp. Right? And now here I'm maybe going to add some uh um onomatic here sound words as well as ellipses. Right? So what can be heard? The dripping sound and then droplets of condensation. So here I'm talking about how there's kind of um this um heat but also this cold and it's causing kind of this humidity and there's kind of maybe this um dripping sound and um everything is kind of slippery in the cave. Right. So here droplets of condensation what happened? They fell from the uh caves um uh ceiling, the uh caves darker um or even uh the the caves darker rocks or uh dark black rocks and onto and onto the um inky black floors, right? So, uh ground even icky black ground, right? um in the darkness unseen strands of mold hung in the sky or even um hung um from the dark rocks or even um and dangled from the dark rocks. And here I'm going to mention um whilst parts of the black murky rocks rocks at the back of the cave were um completely dark. Others were illuminated by light streaks of sunlight. Um yet tiny droplets continued continued to fall from the wet surface of the rocks. That's my second paragraph done. I'm describing this humid atmosphere, how humid and uncomfortable it is, but also there's this kind of drip sound or um echoing through the cave. Now, in my third paragraph, I'm going to go into my most obvious thing in the image, my central focus. This is now the person that's standing here. But also, I'm probably going to describe these rocks here. I'm probably also going to describe kind of this um sloping rocks um on this side of the image as well. I'm going to describe now in lots of detail. This person who's standing and looking out, what does she see? I'm going to describe her in third person perspective. Right? So, I'm going to describe her as if I were not her. Is this a different person? Okay. So here I'm going to describe I'm going to say I'm going to assume that this is someone who's kind of trekking and they've come across a secret cave right and they're looking around maybe in amazement in wonder they're like oh my gosh I've just stumbled across this place right and describing what they see in front of them. So here I'm going to mention how they were gazing around in awe. So in amazement the solitary woman um stood in um or even on a smooth boulder. So this is like a large rock with her hands on her hips. Right? So here I'm describing in detail this individual and she's standing on this rock. So I'm describing that and also describing maybe the color of her clothes which seem all dark. So maybe she's in all black hiking clothes and she's looking around in wonder. Right? So I'm now going to describe that in a bit more detail. So I'm going to say how she's standing unsteadily. Right? So maybe the surface is quite slippery. She's standing a little bit unsteadily um on the smooth on the smooth rocks or even on the smooth rock um or mass of rock even mass of rock. She held um her breath gazing or even peering around peering at the vast cave. She uh closed her eyes and took in her eyes and took in its earthy scent. Right? If you're describing anything in nature, you can say that it's got like an earthy smell, right? It's earthy scent. Then I'm going to talk about how um her eyes rested or even her um maybe perhaps she's standing with her hands on her hips, right? So her hands rested on her hips as she peered around. Right? So, as she slowly looked around um and maybe I'm going to say her black hiking clothes plung to her body as uh to her body as sweat fell from her temples and and her clothes even as sweat fell from her temples in the humid cave. Then I'm going to add a bit more. So maybe uh she's looking around. So peering left then right. She surveyed she looked at the cave um or even the enormous enormous enormous cave. Then maybe perhaps she um breathed slowly. So breathing slowly slowly she looked around right. So um she perhaps um to her. So now maybe looking uh perhaps she's looking to her left here. So now here I'm going to describe these rocks, right? I'm going to talk about the mold that's kind of carpeting the rocks and what she's seeing there. And then maybe I'm going to talk about what she sees on her right as well. These kind of rocks that seem to be broken and they're kind of sloping downwards. Right? So I'm going to describe what she sees to her left. These kind of rocks covered in mold, but also to her right, these rocks that seem kind of broken and are sloping down. Right? So here I'm going to talk about how maybe uh gazing to her left or even to her left gigantic rocks perhaps um which were harpeted. So this is another metaphor with green or even emerald mold um stood silently and watched her back right or even and just watched her um to maybe to her right um broken sharp rocks stood or even formed a hill that sloped downwards downwards right in front of her. Now, what can she see in front? Right? So, here I'm going to talk about literally these kind of rocks here. Um, and even this kind of huge rock at the top, which is kind of sitting in between the light and the dark. Right? So, I'm going to describe what she sees right in front of her. So, right in front of her were rocks. Uh, of her were rocks. Masses and masses of large rocks. They were piled on top of each other like moldy uneven staircases. Right? So here I'm basically saying that these rocks they're kind of piled on top of each other and it looks like kind of this moldy staircase. Right? Again I'm using lots of imagery, lots of simileies as well as metaphors, right? To really bring my description to life. Then I'm going to finish off by maybe mentioning how um these uh especially the rocks at the top, they now start soaking in the light, right? And so maybe perhaps I'm going to mention how um they sat and soaked in the light which continued to stream in from the open mouth of the cave. And here I'm going to mention um perhaps um actually now once I'm done with that, so I'm going to actually move on to my fourth paragraph, which is now I'm describing her feelings, right? I'm now going to zoom in really specifically on her. And actually what I might also do is um describe how she feels as she looks around in this hidden cave, right? The awe. And maybe she's even asking herself, how come nobody has discovered this hidden secretive cave before, right? So now I'm going to finish my fourth paragraph with mentioning how does she feel, right? Zooming in specifically. So I'm going to say, thank you for watching this lesson. And if you want to access the full GCSE grade 9 model answer, simply send me an email info@firstteers.com. Let me know that you watch this video and I'll be more than happy to share with you a grade nine full mark model answer for GCSE English language paper 1. And as I'd mentioned, don't forget that this is part of my weekly Sunday GCSE language paper 1 and paper 2 master classes. So don't forget that these are live lessons that I run every single Sunday where you can ask me as many questions as you want. And also, if you want marked homework and marked exam feedback from GCSE examiners who literally examine and mark students' work during exam season, that is also going to be part of the Sunday master classes. So, I hope you can join me. And of course, if you want to see the full model answer, just simply send me an email and let me know that this is a video that you watched.