Video summary
The podcast features a discussion with Sara Saffari regarding the dating landscape and maturity levels of men, specifically focusing on Generation Z males between the ages of 22 and 27. The speaker notes that many young men in this demographic are still developing emotionally and often prioritize social activities like partying, drinking, and hanging out with friends over traditional adult responsibilities. This behavior is partly attributed to a broader "slow life strategy" observed among Gen Z, where individuals delay milestones such as getting a driver's license or moving out of their parents' homes due to generalized risk aversion exacerbated by the pandemic era. Consequently, many young men remain in an immature mindset, struggling to transition into adulthood quickly enough to be attractive partners who are ready for serious relationships. A central argument presented is that drive, motivation, and ambition serve as significant turn-ons for women seeking a partner. The speaker emphasizes that having a dedicated goal or passion—whether it involves plumbing, dentistry, fitness, or any other career path—is incredibly sexy because it demonstrates competence and the desire to improve daily. This trait creates an attractive dynamic where one admires their partner's dedication rather than just finding them physically appealing. However, this pursuit of drive often clashes with traditional expectations regarding household chores; some men feel compelled to perform domestic tasks like cooking or cleaning to prove they are not seeking a "non-traditional" relationship, while others prefer hiring help once they earn enough money. The underlying issue here is the perceived polarity between masculinity and femininity, where refusing to do laundry can be interpreted as a lack of traditional masculine commitment, leading men to believe that if their partner isn't doing chores, neither should they. The conversation also shifts to the challenges young women face in defining their own roles within society amidst the influence of social media. Women are often presented with conflicting images ranging from "trad wife" ideals to sex-positive lifestyles and hermit-like isolation, making it difficult for them to find a clear path forward. Social media exacerbates this confusion by constantly exposing users to idealized bodies and success stories that may be unattainable or misleadingly curated. The speaker points out the hypocrisy of public figures who portray themselves as champions of body positivity or moral virtue but are later revealed to have contradictory actions, such as Lizzo's dancers being forced into inappropriate situations or Ellen DeGeneres having a toxic work environment. This disconnect between online personas and real-life behavior suggests that people often prioritize projecting a virtuous image over actually living up to those values. Ultimately, the episode concludes with a reflection on how digital interactions have replaced tangible actions as the primary metric for judging character. Because private deeds are invisible while tweets and posts are public, individuals who engage in "moral grandstanding" or claim holiness often signal that something is amiss unless proven otherwise through consistent action rather than words alone. The discussion highlights a complex modern reality where traditional markers of maturity and femininity are being redefined by digital culture, creating confusion for both men seeking to grow up quickly enough to attract partners and women trying to navigate the pressure of unrealistic online standards. True attraction is found in genuine competence and drive, while authenticity requires looking beyond the curated narratives presented on social platforms to understand the reality behind them.
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like what what a gen Zed guys like the
ones that you either grew up with or
sometimes try and speak to with regards
to dating or or anything what how do you
categorize them how do you classify them
I feel like there's a lot of growing to
do from the ages of from the age of 22
to like 27 for men and I think you know
22 year old men just aren't there yet
necessarily and I think that I am I'm
pretty mature for my age
um
and I think the guys that I've counted
for the most part just aren't there yet
they're just immature maybe caught up
with
kind of a younger mindset yeah so what
are they doing like what are they
what are they prioritizing what are they
concerned about I think they prioritize
friends a good amount which isn't a bad
thing I'm just saying friends a lot
partying going out you know drinking
I wonder how much of that's an LA thing
I think a good amount of it might be an
LA thing I think if you go like to a
rural rural town in Kansas maybe it's
not as much yeah
have you heard of slow life strategy do
you know about this low life strategy
yeah so there's a
it seems at the moment based on the data
that
gen Zed both guys and girls a little bit
younger than you
um you would probably be at the very
front of this wave
um getting a driver's license later
moving out of home later uh getting a
job later not partying as much not
drinking as much not taking drugs so
they've got generalized risk aversion
they're not doing the risky things that
previous generations of that age would
but they're also not even really doing
the adult things like the number of
16 to 20 year olds who don't have a
driver's license is the highest ever
really you think covet had a like a
pushback in that maybe maybe it could be
that people just became more isolated
stopped if that's your formative yours
if you're
15 and coveted hits and you're 18 and
covered finishes you've just grown up
all you can remember basically being the
person that you are is this hermit at
home playing fortnite or whatever yeah
um
but what it makes me think about is
what when these people do need to grow
up you mentioned young guys could do
with maybe growing up a little bit more
quickly yeah if they want a chance and
it makes me wonder whether that's going
to keep getting pushed further and
further not
I don't know it's uh
I think for me one of the biggest
turn-ons or pluses a guy can have is
being motivated or like dedicated to
something even if that's Plumbing you
know just something that like every day
you want to do and work towards to being
better at you know whether that's the
gym or
a job like Plumbing or being a dentist
or being an astronaut like whatever you
know just something to work towards
rather than just kinda
laying back and like kicking your feet
up and just enjoying day by day I think
it's like that's great and everything
but I think you have to have something
that every day you're trying to improve
drive and motivation and ambition I
think are very sexy and competence as
well yeah like if you can manage to hit
the sweet spot with a partner of someone
who you are attracted to but you admire
as well
holy like you've got a a partner that's
your role model yeah that's an
unbelievably potent cocktail I think for
attraction
um
I didn't I it's so strange to think
about
what that is for girls because you know
guys can just go out and get their drive
and and do the things that typically are
sort of masculine traits be very
interested in what the equivalent is for
a girl you know like what is it that a
guy would find in feminine traits that
they want to absorb into themselves do
you know what I mean I don't know one
time I was on Brad's part and I was like
oh like I don't cook or clean and then
everyone was like I still don't live
those comments down I'm like okay I've
been practicing now but I will never
live those comments down like oh like
why would you ever want her she can't
cook or clean Jesus Christ we just get
made like you don't need a wife you need
a maid yeah I was like bro I'm not gonna
I mean I don't think I could ever see
myself doing someone else's laundry
maybe my mother's but my partners never
well you just need to earn a bit more
money and then you can pay the maid
today yeah I'm like bro I'll pay someone
to do it I wasn't opposed to a house
Chef so I think I think I think part of
that is is that they associate a lack of
willingness to do traditional household
things with uh
non-traditional relationship that is
just not going to be as as enjoyable
it's a less feminine uh sort of woman
yeah and the polarity between
masculinity and femininity what the
subtext is I'm not doing the washing
you are yeah right which is and guys are
like oh yeah exactly if you're not doing
it I'm definitely not doing it yeah
right so I do understand and I do think
you know there's lots of talk about
masculinity and and stuff like that what
about the other side of the fence are
you seeing challenges that young girls
have with femininity at the moment of
like finding their role within the world
whether they should be a Trad wife or a
like a sex positive sleep around girl
party girl whether it should be a hermit
I don't know I think it's hard
especially with social media and like
most of the girls you see on social
media are like
you know there's there's two sides of it
of course but there's a lot of like
um like sex symbols you see on social
media or even if it's not like sex
symbols you see like these hot beautiful
girls that may or may not have had work
done but in swimsuits or whatever and
for a lot of people it's hard to like
you would never get there but like
that's who you see on a daily basis on
your phone so that's that's what you
want or that's what you want to strive
towards but
yeah so I think it's hard to say what
kind of
what ex like extent to femininity girls
look for but I think it social media
hasn't made it easier it's confusing
it's confusing for sure and look at some
of the role models that were held up as
okay so this is really really where you
know this is someone that's charging
forward and really getting it right
lizzo fighting for girls all over the
place yeah and then the bottom falls out
and it turns out that she's making her
dancers eat bananas out of strippers
vaginas yeah weight shaming all of the
people as this Champion for body
positivity and Ellen DeGeneres as well
turns out that she's a total prick to
work with
um
yeah it's like and it's the people that
you would think that were like the most
understanding that turned out to not be
I don't know whether it's people that
you would think I think it's people that
portrayed themselves yeah correct yeah
people that portrayed themselves to be
like the most understanding or accepting
of everyone
it's like the senator that's pushing the
hardcore anti-gay legislation that goes
home and secretly watches
right VPN right yeah
um it's I I think it's fascinating and
there's a part of that you know the
because people's actions are way less
visible than their words online like the
thing that you tweet is way more
important than the thing that you did
because no one sees the thing that you
did but they see the thing tweeted yep
so when you look at the people that are
the most forthcoming
about being virtuous or morally
grandstanding or I'm holier than now
when you see that that to me a lot of
the time signals
there's probably something going on
there unless I can really really prove
it and I didn't see it with lizzo not
that I like a lizzo scholar
um but lizzo fan yeah I I didn't look at
her and see
yeah this is someone who's really
working hard to try and find the next
like Frontier for a female body
empowerment or something like that it
seemed like someone doing a grift it
seemed like someone that had managed
they managed to capture a particular
narrative and was just leaning into it
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