That We Might Forgive One Another | Kimberly Cummings

So, you can turn to Ephesians 4 and I'm quite confident you will go through this much more slowly because you're going to study Ephesians in your Bible study this year, right? And um so I'm going to but I'm going to take a big chunk of scripture because there's a concept that I really want you to get to know, but I would say that of all the states in in the United States, the one that is most known for road rage I haven't looked it up. I'm not into statistics, but I would say it's probably California. I'm just guessing, but I see it all the time. I see really angry people. But with that said, when we were driving here yesterday and Stephanie was chauffeuring us, there was a very angry angry lady next to us. And I thought I hope she doesn't have a gun because she just looked mad. Her jaw was like this and her she's like this and she's driving right next to us and so I'm not saying anything to the women cuz I don't want everybody to go you know, and look at her. So, I just prayed for her. I prayed for her. And it right about that time Stephanie changes lanes and gets in front of her. So, I start praying some more >> [laughter] >> I'm like this could go sideways. We could lose a third of our speakers like that. So, >> [laughter] >> anyway, but it but it's a thing, right? It's a Yeah, see I didn't say anything. I was like ignorance is bliss. I don't want to scare anybody. But uh the this this anger, this pent anger, and then sometimes it just explodes, right? Well, we can't expect anything better from the world. But, I would argue that that church split that took place over a piece of ham really wasn't much different, right? There was a desire there for something that someone did not get. And that desire turned into a form of bitterness or anger, something to the point that a church split over a piece of ham. And it sounds really silly, but if we're honest in our heart of hearts, a lot of times like the arguments that we have like when we're we get in a argument with our spouse or or maybe a a sibling, and we think back to what caused it, we're like, really, was that worth You know, because sometimes we're competitive and we want to win, right? I want to be right. And so then we become angry because we're not winning, we're not right, we want our way and we're not getting it. And so we have to constantly be in evaluation of our hearts and checking uh to see if there is any angriness, bitterness, clamor, wrath that leads to having an unforgiving spirit. And we need to be quick to check that because when we don't, it grows and it festers, and sadly, like that church split, things like that spread, right? Like gangrene. And so we have guard our hearts from that, and we want to be mindful that as in Christ ones, we still have the vestiges of sin in our hearts. And so, we're not exempt from simple anger. Angry people split churches when they don't get their way. Christian homes are torn apart by anger. Christians parents yell angrily at their their children. They call them names. And churches split over a piece of ham. And the Apostle Paul doesn't give an inch of wiggle room when it comes to the sin of anger. Instead, Paul provides the believer with hope, because we want hope, right? We don't want to sit in our anger. If we desire to sit in our anger, that may be evidence that we are not in Christ. If we like that, we may not be an in Christ one. We may not have an a transformed heart. But Paul provides the believer with hope and a command through a concept that we can find all throughout scripture, um which we call the put-offs and put-ons. Just a quick raise of hands, how many have heard of the concept of put-offs and put-ons? Good. Good. How are you doing practicing it? Okay. That's why we learn again, right? That's why we That's why we go over scripture over and over again. And something that Susan mentioned last week and even today is um as you're reading through the whole counsel of God, one of the things that you can do is look for certain uh themes, like she looked for all the promises in scripture. I thought it would look be fun to look for all the antithetical statements. Uh Um just to show that contrast of how we uh are to be discerning uh with say for instance darkness and light, uh evil and good, things like that. Um I thought that that would be a really good mind exercise, but I think a really good mind exercise as well for the New Testament would be to go through and look for all the put-offs and put-ons in scripture. Not by Google, but by reading the word. And just get in the word of God, and when you see the the theme lay aside, put off, kill, those are things that you know you need to get rid of. You need to stop. But we want to get I want to help you get this concept in place, and I do want to help us think of it in threefold uh a threefold manner, because sometimes I think we leave out the second part. Um so I do want to make sure I'm as thorough as I can be. So uh get your water bottles, get your caffeine, and we'll get after it. But before we can practice a command, we have to really comprehend the concept of these put-offs and put-ons. So before we talk about uh putting on a heart of forgiveness in an angry world, uh I want you to turn to Ephesians 4, and we're going to look at 17 through 24, and we're going to read that. And you see A on your outline is to put off sin the sin of old self. On your outline, put off sin of old self. Paul is letting the believer know that as a new creature in Christ, they walk differently than the world. We look different. We are supposed to look different. Uh or he uses the term Gentiles and we're to look different in our thinking than if our thinking is feudal like the Gentiles, then then like the Gentiles, there's a darkened heart. So, let's go to chapter 4, verse 17 and read. So, this I say and affirm together with the Lord that you walk no longer just as the Gentile just as the Gentiles also walk in the futility of your mind. Excuse me. Being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart, and they having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But, you did not learn Christ this way. If indeed you have heard him and have been taught in him, just as truth is in Jesus, that in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lust of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and you put on the new self, which is in the likeness of God, has which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness and truth. And so, here we see this concept of put off, lay aside, and put on. Paul is letting the believer know as an in Christ one, we no longer walk like the Gentiles walk, and we are continuing in the sanctification process. So, what do we have to do? We have to put off sin, and we have to keep putting off sin. We have to do it continually. Paul says, "But you as a believer did not learn Christ this way." No, you do not learn Christ through worldly thinking and practices. We renew our mind with the truths of scripture instead. You have heard Christ and taught in Christ. And what does it say in verse 22 there? That in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lust of deceit. Do you see that picture of what that old self is that has to be put off? Because we're not fully glorified yet, are we? No, ask our husbands. They know we're not, right? And that we know they're not, either. We're being sanctified. We're growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior. We haven't reached it yet. So, the old man or the old self is this common play phrase in scripture that tells us that we need to get rid of something. And that something is sinful. And we need to put it off. Colossians 3:9-10 says, "Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices and have put on the new self, who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the one who created him." So, you see that concept again. Our old selves have been crucified. We're no longer slaves to sin, but to righteousness, according to Romans 6:6. It says, "Knowing this, that our old self was crucified with him in order that our body of sin might be done away with so that we would no longer be slaves to sin. Hebrews 12:1-3 says, "Lay aside every encumbrance." How many encumbrances? Every encumbrance. And the sin which so easily entangles us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. And how do we do that? We fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and the perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. And so we want to be like Christ as we are putting off sin. We want to lay aside the old self so that we can become more and more like Christ. In the context of Ephesians 4, Ephesians 2:1-10 is particularly important because it is exploring this idea of putting off and put on as he explains to us what our nature was before salvation. Before salvation, we were children of wrath. We were dead in our trespasses and sins. We were hostile toward God and we were destined to experience the wrath of God. Ow. That's where we were before Christ. And then Ephesians 2:4 is one of the most meaningful conjunctions found in scripture. It says, "But because of his great love for us." Right? Who is our model for how we love one another? Right? Christ. All humanity is by nature children of wrath, but God provided a way to become a child of grace through faith. Ephesians 2:10 takes it further and shows us that those who believe in the person and the work of Jesus Christ are new creatures. And because we are his masterpieces or his handywork, we have been given the call to good deeds that he has prepared beforehand. So, in this section of Ephesians, the old man and the new man are distinguishable. The old man is found in the first three verses of Ephesians 2 and the new man is explained in 4 through 10. So, Paul's imperative in Ephesians 4:22 is rooted in the context of these truths. So, there's an example of new self that is provided in verse 24. And it says in verse 24, let's read it again, "And put on the new self, which is in the likeness of God, at which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness and truth." See the difference, the contrast of the old self and the new self? That's what we want to look for to see which one we are looking like. 4:17 begins with the discussion of our Christian walk or how a Christian ought to live. Paul tells us in verse 20 of Ephesians 4 that the Christian should not live like those that were mentioned in 14 17 through 19. Better to live according to the truth found in Jesus Christ. And to do this, we have to put off the old man. The NASB, which I use, says the word there for put off is lay aside. We are to lay it aside. Imagine at the end of a day working in the garden and you're they're all dirty and what do you do? You take off those dirty clothes and you lay them aside and then you proceed to put on new clothes. So this leads me to be on your outline. We need to renew our thinking and ladies this is the part that I'm afraid that we leave out because we we get into this moralistic behavior change and we say, oh, I'm just going to stop that and I'm going to do this instead. No, we need to take time. We need to renew our minds and that word renew there gives the idea of a renovation. How many of you ever have had a home renovation project? It's messy, isn't it? Dealing with our sin gets messy because the more and more we are laying aside and putting off the more and more we see. And so this is this renovation project. When I flooded my house 3 years ago with my new washing machine, I got it new floors. That meant a renovation project. So I think every time when I think of put-ons and put-offs, I go, oh, renovation projects. Those are rough. Those are those can be hard, but the outcome of that renovation project beautiful, right? You have that new newness, that new smell. Everything looks different. That's what happens when we're transformed, when we renew our minds. And we know from um from uh Timothy first sorry, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 that scripture is profitable for this, right? We know that it's inspired by God and that it's profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness so that the man of God may be complete equipped for every good work. And so we need to see that scripture is going to reprove and correct us and we're to renew our mind in the process and we're to as we are renovating our hearts and renewing our minds because our minds and our hearts are our control center that you cannot separate them, okay? Uh when we talk about our heart in scripture, we can often trade that with the word mind and when we talk about our mind in scripture, we can trade that with our hearts because they're connected. We're we are uh soul creatures and our mind is part of our redeemed person, okay? And so we have to be able to think in a redeemed manner. So when we renew our thinking and we align it with the teaching of scripture, we are going to put on that new man, that new woman. And as one renews the mind in truth, one is biblically equipped to take off the old and replace the new. Ladies, are you walking around spiritually naked? Have you removed the filthy rags of your sin and not replaced it with a new wardrobe? That would be ridiculous, right? If we did that physically, but spiritually we don't just stop something. We have to replace it with the new. So with that in mind, we want to learn how to put this into practice and we're going to do that with verses 25 through 31. So turn over there in Ephesians 4. Says, "Therefore, now that we've learned this concept, laying laying aside falsehood, speak truth one of you with his neighbor. For we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. He who steals must steal no longer, but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. And let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only a word that is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed the day of redemption. And here we go. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you. And then he goes right to verse 5:1, and he says, "Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children, and walk in love." So, there is that foundation that we talked about last night of loving one another. So, with that said, you may be thinking, "Well, what about verse 26 that you read, Kim?" Go back to verse 26 there, and it says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." Okay? Well, what is that saying? It's saying you are going to get angry and you need to keep short accounts and you need to deal with your anger quickly. Do not let it fester in the night. Do not I my husband and I have we have had uh a conversation. We'll call it conversation. We don't go to bed angry. And if we're still working on it and renewing our mind and thinking through things, one may be waiting up for the other for a while. And that's okay. That's okay because I don't want the sun to go down on my anger. So, and it says there do not give Sorry, that's in 27. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and then it says do not give the devil an opportunity. That's why I wouldn't go to bed. I don't want to give the devil an opportunity. Can you imagine laying in bed all night angry at the person that you have to sleep next to? That would be terrible. That would be awful. There is no love of Christ in that, ladies. So, we want to make sure that we don't give the devil an opportunity. And I love what one commentator says. He says, "Didn't Paul just command us to be righteously angry?" Mhm, no, not really. He's just saying that it is so hard to be righteously angry that we're to be careful. We're not to justify anger is righteous anger. Very, very rarely is our anger righteous. When I get a counsel e and they have been sinned against horribly and I am angry I am angry at the the sin that has taken place. But I am not sinfully angry at that person. And so we have to guard our hearts ladies because it is a slippery slope when we get sinfully angry. The mention of anger is something that is bad without qualification so soon after 26 it suggests that being angry without sinning is just rare. It's almost non-existent. We know that only Christ could do that. Ultimately. So the distinguishing mark of sin for simple anger is selfishness. I didn't get my way. I want my way. I didn't get my rights. I demand my rights. And we sinfully use anger to try to dominate and control a situation. I want my way. So if we justify it by thinking I'm the mother. I said so. But we speak in an ugly way and it with an angry heart we've sinned in our discipline with our children. If we say you know, I'm the boss. I've been put in charge of you at my job without showing kindness and just spouting off because I said so. I'm the boss. Do what I say. The testimony of Christ is being blasphemed. Look at 2A on your outline. We must control our anger. We must put off all bitterness and anger. We must renew our minds with what God's word has to say. And then it says that we replace it with kindness and forgiveness just as God in Christ has forgiven us. And he makes three points. First, he uses six terms to describe the old simple hate behavior that we have to put off. And then he uses three terms to describe the new godly behavior that we are to put on. And then finally, Paul gives the motive or the reason why we should adopt this behavior. So, to control your anger, you are to put off all bitterness and anger that we saw in verse 31. We need to begin by observing that Paul does not psychologize the problem of anger by saying, "You have to understand your childhood and you have to probe into your subconscious and you have to get to the root of the reasons of why you might be angry." And then you dream up all these things in your childhood that never took place. Guard your hearts, women. We need to stay away from things that are going to keep us from putting on kindness and forgiveness. Maybe your parents modeled anger or um he maybe says things like um you know, as a parent I grew up in a in a angry home from one side until my dad got redeemed. And so, there were very harsh words that were used, unkind words that were used. But by God's grace, he was redeemed and I watched his speech change over time. But we sensed that anger. There was this little this just kind of walking on eggshells because we never knew when that anger that was inside was going to erupt and come on the outside and spill over to us. But Paul is basically saying here, stop sinning. Put away all anger just like you would put away dirty, smelly clothes. But in case you think that this is just a matter of human willpower, remember that these verses are helping us to see that this is a supernatural act because Christ has done a work in our lives and we are no longer walking as the Gentiles walk, but we have been redeemed. Before salvation, we were darkened in our understanding, we were excluded from the life of God, and we were given over to all type of sin. But now we are new creatures in Christ. We've been changed from the inside out. And so what's left, we need to continually be putting off. We now have the Holy Spirit as a new creature. So he is dwelling inside of us and we have this close relationship with him, and we are to not grieve him as we read in verse 30. We are to be so controlled by the spirit that we do not desire to fulfill the sin the the lust of the flesh, but rather we want to produce this beautiful fruit of righteousness. So, I often emphasize that to overcome sin, it's vital to recognize that all sin originates where? In our control centers, right? It originates here. I'm not talking about being sinned against. I'm not talking about suffering. I'm talking about when we sin. Suffering can lead to sin, but I'm talking specifically uh um I'm I'm not going to go into every detail of when is a sin, when is it's not, but when we sin, generally, um it is from within, out of the heart of men proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness, and all these evil things proceed from within and defile the man. Mark 7:21-23 tells us. It comes from within. This means that it's not enough to fake a smile and restrain yourself by gritting your teeth all the while you are seething on the inside. This is not fake it until you make it. In scripture, we call that hypocrisy, right? Let's define our terms. The instant that you begin to feel angry, you must deal with what you are thinking. You must stop long enough to think. Maybe you need to stop and think about the character of God. God, in this moment, you have sovereignly sovereignly allowed this person to come into my life with this situation that produced this conflict or this conversation that we must now resolve. Thank you, Lord, that you allowed it to come to expose what was in my heart so that I may be renewed and become more like Christ. Ladies, often anger is the result of or the fruit of something else. There is a desire that is had that you must figure out what that desire is. Most often, it's control or comfort. When you become angry, it's because there was something that you wanted that you did not get or something that you did not get that you wanted. And so then you try to control the situation and then you get more and more angry. Well, Paul moves from this resentful inner attitude and then he moves out into these outward expressions and outbursts of rage or outbursts of anger and seething anger and then he gets into clamor, which is this yelling this harsh harsh yelling. And then he mentions spreading our anger by slandering. And then he concludes with this catchall that covers all forms of wrath anger called malice. So, let's just quickly look at each one. It says that we are to we are to remove all bitterness from our hearts. Bitterness develops over time as we nurse our anger and we tell ourselves that we have good cause to be angry and we play the situation over and over and over in our minds and we're blaming the other person and we're justifying ourselves that we have the right to be angry and a bitter person will refuse to be reconciled. They have no desire. Someone that theoretically has been reconciled to God does not want to be reconciled to one another. That is hypocrisy. And at that point when there is no desire for reconciliation we begin to wonder. Are they reconciled to God? Are they truly reconciled to God? A bitter person wants to make another person pay. Bitter people keep score. I once counseled a woman and she pulled out a notebook of 16 pages of all the wrongs she recorded that her husband had done. And I said I said, "You need to hand me that notebook and I'm going to pour water over it and I'm going to put it in my trash because I'm in a burn ban in California and I can't burn it outside. Start another forest fire." We're not going to sit here and go recollect every account of wrong suffered. Love does not keep account of wrong suffered. Now, I may have to ask some questions to find out what way out what's going on, but I don't need a laundry list of every single thing. I'll probably be able to get to the root of the problem a little bit more quickly than 16 pages of wrongs. So, ladies, do not keep an account of wrong suffered. Guard your hearts. When I told her that we needed to get rid of that notebook, she was not happy with me, but that's okay. That exposes the heart, too. Further exposed her anger, didn't it? Hebrews 12:15 warns your bitterness will defile others who are close to you. But even worse, if you continue in bitterness, it says that you will come short of the grace of God. Those are scary warnings, ladies. Keep short accounts. We're also to remove all wrath from our hearts. I like the NIV translation. You won't hear me say that very often, but I No offense. I just I prefer the NASB. Uh I like I like it it says rage. Rage. And that really that idea of wrath, we we see that rage in someone. Their faces will contort sometimes when they're enraged, like that lady next to us. She Her face was contorted and I was like, oh, there's there's something going on there. Uh it's also used to describe the people in the synagogue at Nazareth whose rage at Jesus drove them to try to throw him over the edge of the cliff in Luke 4:28. They were that angry at him. This wasn't just, oh, here, follow me. You know, this is, I am so angry at Jesus. They wanted to push him over. It's used of the rage of the mob in Ephesus that led to the riot against the Christians in Acts 19:28. Paul says that that type of hot anger has no place for believers. We're to remove all anger from our hearts. This is the same word that Paul used in 4:26 for righteous anger. Um it's used of righte- Jesus' righteous anger in Mark 3:5. It's used of God's wrath in John 3:36, in Romans 1:18, in Romans 12:19. Ladies, this is a settled hatred in opposition to what is good. This This simple anger, humanly speaking, are largely synonymous. When we hear wrath and anger, they're very similar. Um the difference may be that wrath is more of a sudden outburst, okay? It would have more more an outburst of anger. And anger refers to more of a settled attitude. Have you ever met someone who just has a settled attitude of anger? And everything that comes out of their mouth will usually be critical. Because they just have that settled anger in their heart and it produces a critical spirit. We're also to remove all clamor from our hearts. Clamor is loud. It's angry words. This is where people are screaming at each other. It includes cursing, calling people abusive names. And ladies, the only time you should yell at your mate or your children is to warn them of danger. We do not have to get someone's attention by yelling and using harsh harsh language. This whole thing about cursing pastors, what in the world? That is worldly at the least. At the very least. Also, when we look um at slander, the Greek word is the same word that's used for blasphemy. When one blasphemes God, but here it refers to speaking evil about someone to someone else who has no need to hear it. Ladies, this is murder in the heart. This is murder. You are using your speech to murder someone. That is hatred. And often times a slanderer will twist the situation to make it look like they're the victim. Right? Often slander is accompanied by lies. And we're told to put off all falsehood. So, where we stretch the truth or we only give enough information to tilt the verdict in our direction, that's a part of slander, too. We're also to remove all malice from our hearts. Malice is just this general term of wickedness. It's a general term for wickedness or ill towards another person. It's the desire to harm another person either emotionally or physically. And when you put that with slander, the intent is to harm a person's reputation, to harm his relationships by smearing him. Ladies, that should never be said about those who are in Christ Jesus. Paul commands us to remove all six of these sinful attitudes and actions. They are characteristic of unbelievers and they have no place in the church of Christ. Into the people of Christ, into the hearts of image bearers in Christ ones who are being conformed to the image of Christ. One commentator says that anger and bitter bitterness are two noticeable signs of being focused on self and not trusting God's sovereignty. Okay? Are you being self-focused or are you able to turn quickly to the sovereignty of God when these words come out? Think about it. Now, to control your anger, you actively engage in the process of replacing bitterness and anger with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. As we've seen, Paul's pattern here is not only to have to stop doing the evil behavior, right? Did your parents ever do just stop it. Stop it. >> [laughter] >> My mom would be so fed up. Just stop it. Stop it. We'd be like, okay, we'll stop it. But we need to replace it with something, right? So, we need to make sure that we're not just stopping stealing, um, but instead we need to work hard and give to those in need. We don't just stop using unwholesome words, but instead we use words that build up and give grace. So, here simple anger is to be replaced with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. And it says there that Greek word in Ephesians 4:32, that little word be, it means to become. So, we are to be becoming it is a imperative verb, it's saying this is an ongoing process. We are to be becoming tenderhearted and kind and forgiving. It's continual. As long as there is sin, we will need to be becoming kind and tenderhearted and forgiving. And we know that that will be until this side of heaven. And so, if you are if you are bitter, you need to own up to your bitterness and your anger and your sin. You need to confess it to God. You need to spend time in prayer asking for the Lord to forgive you, and then you need to look up the scriptures that talk about what you need to replace it with. You confess, God, this is sin. I am confessing to you that this is sin. And that's what you call it, so that's what I want to call it, and I desire to put that off. And I desire to replace it instead with kindness and tenderheartedness and forgiveness. We must choose to accept responsibility for our sin rather than blame others. Now, to control our anger, we must replace anger with kindness. Paul says that love is kind. 1 Corinthians 13:4. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22. A kind person is not harsh or sharp with others. He allows others room to maybe offend, to maybe make mistakes without becoming offended and crawling all over them. And instead it would in a gracious manner pointing out when you've given them room and they've said what they need to say, then you can lovingly come alongside and help them to correct their thinking. Sometimes in the moment, if someone is speaking harshly to you, you just need to say, "Thank you. I need to think about this and pray about it and I'll get back to you and we can talk about it soon." That way it avoids strife exploding. And sometimes I'm just like, "Honey, what do I say to this person? I need some wisdom. I need someone to come alongside me and help me." So, a kind person will take an interest in others and they try to understand what the other person is going through. And so, if someone is um is angry and you're trying to come alongside them in kindness or if you've been angry and you need to replace it with kindness, then you need to have someone that's going to ask you some good thoughtful questions as you renew your mind to help you to see if you have genuinely renewed your mind and uh put on the new man. God himself, it says in Luke 6:35, is kind and ungrateful to evil men. Ladies, can we be like Christ in that? Be kind to ungrateful and evil men. And it's his kindness that leads us to repentance. Our kindness that we show to others may be what God uses to lead them to repentance. Have you thought about that? What a gift that would be. Wouldn't it be worth it all? Right, it'd be worth it. We have tasted the kindness of the Lord. We see in 1 Peter 2:2-3 that we have tasted the kindness of God and because of that, we are to grow in respect to our salvation. Mamas, instead of being harsh or stern with your children, be kind. Be firm, but be kind. I had a dear sister in Christ who had children that she had way more children than me and I watched her parent and she had a nickname. Her nickname was Gentle Janine. And she would whisper to her children when they did something they weren't supposed to do and when they were in sin. And I don't know what she said. I'm assuming the best that it was kind. But you would watch the faces of those little babies and they would tear up. And it's like, my mom just rebuked me, but she did I wouldn't even know it. She was whispering in their ears. She was so gentle and kind in the way and you could see in her eyes when she would look at her children, it wasn't daggers, you know? It was a firm concern for what they were doing. And they would look, and they would tear up, and they would repent. It was the craziest thing I ever saw in my life. I didn't come from a home like that, and so I was like, "Wow, what is she whispering in their ears?" But she was kind, she was gentle with her children. Ladies, that will motivate your children to obedience far more than sinful anger. And they will see the heart of Christ. Wives, be kind to your husbands. Are you likable in your conversations with your husband? Be his friend. If you're his friend, he'll want to talk with you more, and he'll want to work out uh sin issues in his life more when he sees that you're compassionate and tender-hearted and kind. But if he sees that you're going to be harsh and angry when he's being honest with what he's working through, he's not going to come to you. So be a good friend to your husband. >> [snorts] >> Also, ladies, to control our anger, we must replace bitterness and anger and anger with tender-heartedness. One version says that we are to be compassionate. It is used in 1 Peter 3:8-9 to sum up, "All of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind, tender-hearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead." It comes from that Greek word of bowels, which they see that's where the seat of the emotions were, right? We don't say, "I love you with all my bowels." We say, "I love you with all my heart, but that's where we feel our emotions, isn't it? It is. That's just the truth, and so we've kind of translated that as more as heart. Okay? Now, this is the op- I hear you giggling. It's the opposite of being calloused or without care. Okay? We don't want to be calloused or without care, which is who we were before we met Christ. We don't want to look like the old man. To control our anger, we need to replace bitterness and anger with forgiveness. Did you think I'd ever get there? Instead of holding a grudge that develops into bitterness, we are to forgive those that have wronged us. The word used here points to undeserved favor. Hmm. Do we know somebody who granted that? Who was it? Christ. Christ. It implies that the other person truly has wronged us. To forgive is to choose to absorb the pain and to show grace to the other person. Choose to absorb the pain and show grace to the other person. If it doesn't cost you anything to give it, it's not true forgiveness. Paul says that to control our anger, we need to put off all bitterness and anger and replace it with kindness and forgiveness. Ladies, by forgiving, we become Christ to others. When we forgive, we become Christ to others. We are most like Christ when we forgive. By bearing in our bodies the weight of an unjust accusation, an undeserved pain, an unretaliated harm, we are the Lord's messenger of Jesus to others. When we do that, we are adorning the gospel message of love >> [snorts] >> to those in our sphere of influence. Because the world doesn't do that. The world doesn't do that. By the practice of forgiveness, we have the privilege of being a living witness to the one we love most and who has loved us eternally and sacrificially. Then he gives us this profound motive or reason for why we must do this. And it's three on your outline. To control our anger, we must remember the cause or motive of our obedience. Motives matter. Remember I told you last session, motives matter. Begin every day, ladies, at the foot of the cross. Um just be in marvel at the amazing grace of God that he has sent his own son to bear the wrath that we deserved. As the psalmist puts it in Psalm 133 and 4, "If you, oh Lord, should mark iniquities, oh Lord, who could stand?" But there is forgiveness with you that you may be feared. So, let's consider briefly three things. God forgave you by his grace, not because you deserved it. Okay? If you think that somehow you earned or deserved God's forgiveness because of your good works, you do not understand the gospel. I thought I was God's gift to salvation. I thought I could be a good girl and I would fail and I would just wipe myself off externally and I would forget that I had done these horrible deeds and I'd go pretend to be a good girl again and again and again. Ladies, I was a Pharisee. That [snorts] is not forgiveness. We I was not God's gift to salvation. Christ was God's gift to salvation. God's forgiveness is by grace alone. We must grant forgiveness to others, not because they deserve it, but rather because we have been shown grace. You were forgiven in Christ. That means that he didn't just shrug off your sins as no big deal. To do that would have compromised his justice and his holiness. Jesus, the eternal son of God, came and bore on the cross the penalty that we deserved. While forgiving others is never as costly for us, right? When will we ever have to forgive to the extent of the cross? I hope never. But while forgiving others, it does cost something. There may be a legitimate place for requiring restitution as a means for teaching responsibility, but even then forgiveness is costly. There are things that sometimes have to be worked out by the laws of the land. But forgiveness can still be forgiven. I was talking to a sister in Christ the other day and there had been some horrible abuse within the body of Christ. And uh reconciliation had taken place. By this horrible abuse and they were able to come together again within the parameters of the laws of the land and worship at the same place. By the grace of God. By the grace of God. Was there a sting and a hurt to that? Absolutely. Did it cost something? Absolutely. Ladies, make sure that you have received God's forgiveness through faith in Christ alone. Also, you need to allow your heart to be humbled by God's grace every day. When someone wrongs you, think about what you really deserve. What do I really deserve? Judgment. Judgment from God. That is way worse than what someone can do to me humanly. Because my sin deserves judgment. So, think about this often. Think about the grace that you have received. Think about the judgment that you have not received. Are you filled to the brim with thinking of the goodness of God? Are you filled to the brim of thinking of who God is? Do you study the attributes of God and think about who he is and that lavish grace that he's bestowed upon you? That will change your heart. You also need to structure your life for change. That means being diligent to spend time in the word. You need to memorize verses. Um maybe this text that I read in Ephesians 4 would be good to memorize. So that it comes to your mind quickly when you are either tempted to be angry or someone is angry at you. Okay? Pray frequently for those you are prone to be angry with. If you live with them, pray often for them and pray with them. It's so hard to be angry at someone you pray for. It is hard. It is next to impossible. And I would I would say that if you are still angry with someone after praying for them, you need to pray some more. And you need to evaluate your heart and see what you need to put off because when you are praying, you will lose that angry spirit. So, memorize some verses. Then also, I've said this already, confess your anger quickly. Ask the Lord to help practice the fruit of the spirit of self-control in the context of your mind and your emotions. Our emotions can gain control so quickly. And so, we have to ask for the Lord's help for self-control. Do not let angry thoughts fester. Don't let your anger go unconfessed. Ask God's forgiveness. Ask forgiveness of the one you have sinned against. It's a lifelong battle. As long as there is sin in this world, there will be the need for forgiveness. Loving one another as we have been loved by God means that we will desire to forgive as God forgives. If Jesus took the cross, ladies, I would argue that we can gladly take the smaller piece of ham. Let's pray. Father, I just ask that we would be diligent in putting off and putting on the righteousness of Christ. Father, that we would put off the deeds of the flesh. We would renew our minds and we would think biblically. That biblical thinking would just ooze out of our hearts and it would show kindness and tenderheartedness and forgiveness towards others that you have put in the sphere of our influence. Father, I pray that um we've just gone over a few of the one anothers about being forgiving to one another, serving one another, and the root of through the root of loving one another. Lord, help us. We can't do it on our own. It only comes through the work of a transformed heart. And so, Father, I pray that as we are being renewed day by day, that we will love others more and more and more, and you will receive more glory and more glory and more glory, and more people will come to know you as a witness because we do not look like the world. We can't do it on our own, but Lord, you are able. And in your strength, we can do all things. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.