Video summary
The reviewer approaches *Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma* with a mix of skepticism and disappointment, framing the film as a prime example of "one man's trash" that fails to deliver on its promise as an '80s slasher reboot. Although early reactions were glowing and the director has a distinct style, the reviewer found the storytelling approach uninteresting from the very first scene. The movie attempts to masquerade as a nostalgic horror flick but instead focuses heavily on themes of self-discovery and sexual awakening, which the critic finds tedious rather than engaging. Despite positive marketing and high expectations, the film quickly devolves into what the reviewer describes as a painful slog, failing to capture interest in its characters or scenarios.
The narrative centers on Chris, a shy gay director rebooting the infamous *Camp Miasma* franchise, who travels to the original campsite to interview former star Jillian Anderson, played by Sarah Sherman. The reviewer notes that the film's R-rating is misleading, as the sexual content is minimal and often obscured by bad close-ups, while the nudity appears suspiciously perfect, possibly prosthetic. As the story progresses, the tone shifts from a potential horror movie to an awkward journey where Chris and Anderson sit around a campfire smoking joints and discussing sex. The reviewer expresses frustration with the film's meta-commentary on modern art and social issues, comparing the movie's pretentiousness to abstract charcoal scribbles in a museum that challenge viewers without offering any genuine value or insight.
The horror elements of the film are equally criticized for being ridiculous and over-the-top, featuring a villain named "Little Death" who is essentially a giant HVAC vent system lobbing off heads with unrealistic blood geysers. The reviewer identifies only one truly cool moment in the entire runtime: a brief killing spree viewed through the eyes of the killer while Counting Crows plays in the background. However, even this scene serves the film's bizarre plot point where Chris can only achieve climax by watching herself get sexually assaulted through the killer's perspective. The movie attempts to be quirky and self-aware about being "woke," but the reviewer argues that this does not excuse the poor execution or the fact that the villain is revealed to be an imaginary character created in a lab under a lake, adding another layer of nonsense to the story.
Ultimately, the reviewer concludes that *Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma* is one of the worst movies seen this year, noting that three people walked out during their screening, including someone who left after just forty minutes. The film's production value, such as its 70mm style and matte paintings, is acknowledged as interesting, but the attempted humor and social commentary fall flat for the critic. The ending, where Chris becomes the killer and vomits blood while engaging in sexual acts, is described as a perfect yet horrifying conclusion that validates the reviewer's rage throughout the experience. While there may be an audience for such niche, meta-heavy films, the reviewer firmly states they would rather watch *Spa Weekend* three times than endure this movie again, urging viewers to decide if they appreciate art more than he does.
Read the full video transcript
Camp me asthma. We hold you in our
hearts, and when we think about you, it
makes me want to fart.
Subscribe for dated references to
Nickelodeon shows from the '9s. Have you
ever seen the display at the art museum,
probably in video form, of a Coke bottle
and a Pepsi bottle linked together on a
machine, and then they just slowly
rotate so that the liquid goes between
the two bottles? And some people call it
art while others like myself call it
trash. As the expression goes, one man's
trash is another man's thing that they
think is worth value but is not. That's
how that's how that expression goes.
Anyway, I'm just randomly bringing this
up because I saw a movie last night
called Teenage Sex and Death at Camp
Miasma. And let me tell you, it puts the
ass in Miasma. Not only because the lead
female protagonist has a lot of junk in
the trunk, but also because this movie
sucks ass. But again, one man's trash
and all that. I'm gonna get into this
film in a spoiler-free review kind of a
little bit, but not really. I'll start
that way and I'll probably veer into the
[ __ ] fest. So, join me if you want.
The early reactions for this film were
positively glowing. And speaking of
glowing, this is from the very same
director that did I saw the TV glow.
Jane Shuenbrun has a style and I don't
know if it's one I necessarily gel with.
I did not see TV glow, so I can't speak
to the quality of that, but I've heard
really bad things, but if you're one of
the folks that really liked that film,
then you're probably going to be right
at home here assuming that that too was
full of a bunch of artsy fartsy stuff
that I don't really care for. And no,
it's not because it challenges you to
think about it, to dig a little deeper,
but more so because I just hate the
storytelling approach, and I found none
of it fascinating on its face. So
therefore, I'm not encouraged to go
deeper because I hate what's on the
surface. But what's on the surface,
pray? Well, it's simple. This film takes
place in modern times, but it's very
much got its sights set on the 80s as
our lead protagonist, Chris, played by
Hannah Einbender, is a hot new gay
director on the scene, emphasis on the
gay. And it's not me putting the
emphasis on the gay. It's the film
because that's actually the point of the
movie, self-discovery,
unlocking your sexual potential. And
it's masquerading as a good
old-fashioned '8s slasher flick. Chris
is the director responsible for
rebooting Camp Miestma, a very popular
80s horror flick that spanned a whole
bunch of shitty sequels. And so it's her
job to take things back to basics.
Halloween this thing. She heads to the
original reclusive campsite where this
whole thing took place in the dead of
winter so that she can interview the
original star of the franchise played by
Jillian Anderson. My Skully, my
beautiful lovely Scullies in this from
the X Files. And I have to say, much
like a fine wine, this woman is just
getting better with age. Even as she
engorges herself on a bucket of KFC with
her ridiculous southern draw, I can't
help but be all sorts of turned on. And
that goes doubly for Chris, who's not
only interviewing a potential actor for
this rebooted franchise, she's
interviewing a potential partner. She
just don't know it yet. And the audience
might not know it yet either because
that's what this movie's all about,
baby. If you were hoping this was going
to be a good old-fashioned throwback
slasher with some fun social commentary,
[laughter]
no, it's the opposite. It's a film about
being comfortable in your body, finding
someone that understands you, and then
finally hitting that perfect climax. I
suppose it is a bit my fault. Had I
watched the trailers, maybe I would have
known what I was getting in for. But I
went into this one fresh. I saw the very
positive reviews out ahead of time. the
marketing worked on me. And so I guess I
was expecting not necessarily something
by the books, but something that at
least could pull me in, get me
interested in the characters and the
scenarios as they played out, have some
good gore here and there, have some fun,
creative kills. Instead, no, it's this
self-discovery journey where we have our
lead protagonist and a [ __ ] Scully
sitting around a campfire smoking a
joint talking about the best way to get
off. The film is rated R, not for
teenage sex, as the title would have you
believe. There's a tiny little bit of
that, but it's mostly just fingerplay,
and you don't get to see it. It's just a
lot of thrusting and really bad
close-ups on uh Scully there. Like, you
can see every pore and crack of the the
makeup going on. It's like, pull this
[ __ ] back. Holy crap. Hannah Bender also
has several minutes of topless nudity,
and I thought, you know what? Those have
got to be prosthetic ones. They're
they're just too perfect. But I looked
it up. I did research for that and only
that, and Google seems to tell me
they're real. So, good for her. That
being said, the twins are not worth
sitting through an hour and 50 minutes
of painful torture as you get through
this slog of a flick that gets weirder
and weirder as it goes on. And not in a
fun way. Now, now, now, now, now, now,
now. In a metaphorical, up its own ass
stupid kind of way. When Sarah Sherman
showed up in the film as Chris's agent,
I knew it was over. I knew we were
completely off the rails and this movie
was going to suck. I have yet to see
Sarah Sherman in anything that's not
horrible. Okay, let's set aside the
she's All That section of this movie,
which is the majority of it. We have our
nerdy director Chris who wears thick
glasses and is not very confident and by
the end she's got those things off.
She's got the t-shirt off and she's
running around in a sprinkler. It's just
so
God, I hate this movie. Let's get to the
horror side of things. We have a villain
named Little Death who has a vent for a
face. Just a giant HVAC system. HVAC's
really being represented this year.
First, we had the new Spider-Man film
prominently featuring HVAC, and now here
we have it again. Has big HVAC taken
over Hollywood? I'll let you be the
judge. Actually, I won't. Don't watch
this movie unless you have the weirdest
taste. Here's the deal. I took my
children to the Walker Museum in
Minnesota where we're going to go look
at art. We're not really the art type of
family. I have a visual communications
degree. I'm kind of versed in in the art
forms out there, but I don't really care
for the modern stuff very much. And one
of the first exhibits that was displayed
prominently over several hallways and
and just, you know, big features was a
woman whose name eludes me, but she was
into charcoal drawing and it well
charcoal scribbling. It was basically
just charcoal circles and then words
written around the circles like angry
lesbian,
worthless, daddy's little angel, things
like that all over the wall. And I kept
thinking,
this is [ __ ] awful. But somehow the
gallery decided in their infinite
WISDOM THAT THIS was the new face of art
that should be displayed because it
challenges you. It thinks outside the
bun. Not really. What? No. If that's the
level we're at with art in 2026, I'm
concerned we are one mural away from
seeing Jared Leto's Joker up on display
with the freaking damaged across the
forehead, the tear drop. Jay, please
kill me. I'm not going to kill you. I'm
going to hurt you really, really bad.
[laughter]
Wipe out
this movie's terrible. So, Death Man,
aka Little Death. Terrible title, but
you know, it's got a it's got layer to
it. There there's something there for
you to think about. I guess he's going
to have a few scenes here and there
where just lobs off the heads of
unsuspecting teenagers with his, you
know, his spear thing. And in their
place is a geyser of blood that erupts
several yards into the air. It's
ridiculously over the top. It doesn't
really reflect the 80s violence. Like
everything's ratcheted up by like a
million because there's so much layer to
the commentary.
There is exactly one cool moment in this
entire film and that's where the two
love birds are going to watch
an old slideshow version of the original
film. And then we're going to go into
the original film as little death as he
goes on a couple minute killing spree.
There are three reasons why this scene
is awesome. Number one, it's time not
spent with Chris talking about how she
can't orgasm properly. Number two, it's
really the only action killing murder
spree in the entire film. Um, spoiler
here. Spoiler.
That's not the ending. That doesn't
matter anyways because this is all
makebelieve nonsense. The main
character, Chris, can only have her
greatest pleasures when she is out of
her body watching her body as she's
going. And the best way to do it is
through the eyes of the fake killer from
the movies. Yeah. Unfortunately,
watching herself get fingered by Scully
through the eyes of Little Death is now
the only way she can achieve climax. The
third reason, if I if I counted right,
why this scene is awesome is because of
the song being played. And that's Long
December by Counting Crows. That's
right. C2 is in this. We got Counting
Crows, baby. Vent man is walking around
killing teens left and right. It's been
a long December and there's reason to
believe maybe this year will be better
than the last. And it's one more day up
in the canyons.
And it's one more night in Hollywood.
If you think that I could be forgiven,
I wish you would.
N
again though, if I wasn't a movie critic
hellbent on sitting through some of the
worst crap I've ever seen, I never would
have spent a dime on this thing. 3
minutes of a fun killing spree, plus a
couple minutes of topless nudity are
just sadly not enough to justify the
ticket price. The movie up its own ass
with meta commentary also attempts to be
quirky. They attempt to make fun of the
woke stuff while also simultaneously
being incredibly woke. Kind of like a
have your [ __ ] and eat it too as the
expression goes. Just because the movie
self-aware and bragadociously tells us
that does not make it any better.
There's obviously an audience for this
type of film. It's just not me.
Productionwise, it is a very interesting
looking film. I like the 70 mm style to
it. The ridiculous amounts of blood when
someone dies, it's it's kind of fun here
and there. The attempted humor, while
not lost on me, just doesn't hit me
correctly. But music-wise, production
value-wise, I mean, it's it's at least
cool from that aspect. I did like all
the matte paintings, the fake trees, and
kind of just the surreal stuff they put
into the film, which not only alludes to
those old '8s flicks, but also, you
know, works within the story that
they're telling, which of course is
makebelieve Mickey Mouse [ __ ]
because the villain from Camp Miasma,
who's summoned at the bottom of the
lake, that's not actually real. He's
just an imaginary character so that the
director can become the imaginary
character after he slaughters her
friends and acquaintances so that she
can find herself in a bedroom getting
finger [ __ ] by Jillian Anderson and
reach climax. Jesus Christ, I hate this.
Oh, on top of these shenanigans, there's
the other level of commentary where
little devil or little Nikki or little
Dicky or whatever, he lives underneath
of the movies in the lake. At one point
during a conference call with the
studio, the director goes off about how
they're all fake. Everyone inside of the
film is a character inside of a real VHS
movie that's being created underneath of
the lake in a laboratory cavern where
faces kind of come out of the walls and
there's a naked vent guy that that makes
the movies to entertain himself. And
then he rises back up. He gets his
outfit back on and his vent face. He
kills again. And then another tape is
created for the sequel. Wash, rinse,
repeat. This movie also has the [ __ ] or
I should say the ovaries to set it up
for a sequel in the final shot of the
film. [ __ ] you. I can't EXPRESS THE
UNBRIDLED RAGE I HAD sitting in the
theaters through this crap. Three people
got up and left. One dude who was Han
Solo, he popped out about an hour and 15
in, made it farther than the couple in
front of us. They got up and left about
40 minutes deep. I wanted to leave 20
in, but I stayed the course. And I asked
myself every 15 minutes, why though? If
the movie sucks this far in, who cares
if the last 30 minutes is the greatest
thing ever? You still have to sit
through all the awful [ __ ] terrible
stuff to get to it. And it wasn't good.
The last 40 minutes wasn't good. It was
just as bad, if not worse, than the
first half. When the movie ended with
Scully vomiting blood on Chris as she
fingerbanged her and a geyser of blood
also erupting from Chris's private
parts, I thought, "Yep, that's exactly
how this should have ended. Why would I
expect anything else?" She did it. She
became the killer. She killed herself as
she was getting off. It's perfect. It's
just a perfect It's a perfect time for
someone. One man's trash, right? is
another woman's pleasure in this
instance. All right, there you have it.
My review, I guess, of Teenage Sex and
Death at Camp Me Asthma. I think this is
one of the worst movies I've seen this
year. I truly I would rather honestly
sit through Spa Weekend three times in a
row than go through this movie once
more. Let me know though if you
appreciate art more than I do. I guess
it doesn't take much. Leave a comment
down below. Please think of liking and
subbing to the show. Adam does Movies.
I'm I'm Adam. I I do the movies if that
wasn't clear. And I'd love to have you
stick around for the next one. Now, if
you'll excuse me, I have some C2 to fire
up. It's been a long sim.
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