Video summary
Mary Harrington argues for a complete ban on the surrogacy industry, asserting that gestation should never be treated as a manufacturing process where babies are produced to satisfy adult desires and handed over to other carers. She emphasizes that pregnancy is not merely about creating an infant but fundamentally transforms the mother through hormonal changes and physical shifts in her body, specifically preparing breasts for nursing and reorienting the mind toward receiving and prioritizing care for the child. This biological priming creates a deep level of attachment and attunement at birth, which Harrington views as essential for laying the foundations of an integrated person; she contends that depriving a newborn of this immediate maternal bond in favor of adult convenience is profoundly morally wrong and fails the duty of care owed to dependent infants. Harrington supports her argument by contrasting human biology with other species, noting that across mammals, pregnancy primes parents specifically for attachment to their own offspring rather than allowing them to be swapped out after birth. While she acknowledges that adoptive parents can do a wonderful job caring for children, she maintains that every child starts at a disadvantage without the biological foundation of being born into a home with both mother and father present from day one. She illustrates this point by referencing an episode featuring Dr. Animin regarding postpartum depression in fathers, explaining how men often experience guilt and shame because their paternal bond develops slowly after birth rather than during gestation. Harrington shares anecdotes of wealthy individuals fearing they will not love their unborn children until the final months or years, only to realize that time allows these feelings to develop naturally, a process she believes is entirely bypassed in surrogacy where neither parent undergoes the biological preparation required for immediate bonding. The discussion extends to specific examples involving celebrities like one of the Kardashians who openly admitted struggling to bond with a child procured via surrogacy using her own genetics. Harrington interprets this situation as human trafficking, arguing that it is ethically equivalent to buying and selling people even when utilizing one's own DNA. She criticizes how such narratives center on the mother's emotional journey while ignoring the suffering of the newborn baby who needs constant care but may be left with nannies because both parents feel unable or unwilling to bond immediately. In her view, prioritizing adult desires over the immediate needs and vulnerability of a baby represents a failure in moral duty, creating an upside-down world where the most dependent members of society are sacrificed for convenience rather than being protected by those who owe them care. Ultimately, Harrington concludes that surrogacy intentionally deprives children of the unique love generated through pregnancy, which she believes is necessary to prevent infants from having a weaker start in life compared to those born into loving homes with their biological parents. She warns against allowing an industry where babies are created solely for adult wishes, suggesting this practice fundamentally inverts our responsibilities toward new life. By highlighting the psychological struggles of fathers and the lack of bonding in surrogacy cases, she reinforces her stance that we must protect the integrity of the mother-child bond at birth to ensure healthy development from infancy onwards. Her call to action is a total prohibition on all forms of surrogacy to uphold the moral obligation to prioritize infant needs above adult convenience or desire.
Read the full video transcript
what's your thoughts on the surrogacy
industry I think it should be banned all
of it banned yeah across the board I
don't think surrogacy should be a thing
why little B little babies need their
mothers um and and mothers are not in no
no woman a woman is not a factory you
know gestation is not a process of
manufacturing to the to produce a
product which can then be handed over
willy-nilly to to another another carer
um pregnancy doesn't just create a baby
pregnancy creates a mother um it
pregnancy rewies your brain it it
transforms you through a series of you
know you know you you get sort of
hormone bathed for for nine months over
the you know over the course of that
your body changes your your your breasts
change everything about you changes in
and and you it completely reorients you
towards ready to receive ready to
receive and and to to receive baby and
to prioritize the care of baby so in in
a you're and this is this is not just
true across human species it's true
across count animal species you're
primed for attachment and you're primed
for attent Attunement to your child um
and of course this is not to say that
this is not to say that adoptive parents
don't do a brilliant job and there are
countless adoptive parents who wonderful
jobs and and do and care for and and
Care wonderfully for their adopted
children however um everybody everybody
accepts that a motherless child is in a
is off to a weaker start than than than
the than a child born into a loving home
where with with their mother and father
and there's a reason for that and it's
because the the Attunement that that
come the that that basic biological
level of Attunement and attachment
that's primed through the process of
pregnancy um is is essential from birth
onwards to to laying the absolute
foundations of what it means to be an
integrated person um and and to say and
and I think it's just profoundly morally
wrong to say we should we should create
a a new life with the with the express
intention of in that Bond at Birth
because somebody just for the sake of
adult desires I think that's profoundly
inverting the duty of care that we owe
to dependent infants you know we should
be prioritizing their needs not ours did
you see the episode I did with Dr animin
about life of dad and about how yes this
I'll send it to you it's so good so she
looked at the role of fathers kind of
throughout all of a child's upbringing
to they leave the home and talked about
how I think that one of her pregnancies
was uh particularly difficult and um
then she and the child had been taken
away after the birth which was
successful and and she was okay uh and
the dad was just left in there no one
even came up to him and he just thought
that like Mom could be dead daughter
child could be dead uh no one ever spoke
to him about it you know all of the
pre-child classes I don't know what
they're called um all of them are
focused on Mom mom's the one that's
going to give birth it's her body that
goes through the stress etc etc but she
said fathers can deal with uh a like
post child depression what's it called
postpartum thank you postpartum
depression dads can get that um there's
this really really common issue that
fathers encounter which I saw firsthand
and then she talks about in the book
which is that uh wife is
pregnant future dad to be knows that
wife is pregnant six seven eight nine
months deep dad doesn't feel like he
cares about child dad doesn't have any
change in paternal Instinct dad doesn't
have any the bond develops after birth
for dads it develops um and there's
plenty of evidence but they feel guilt
and shame and I was sat in this I
remember where I sat in Austin with this
room like 100 millionaire 100
millionaire billionaire millionaire
millionaire 100 millionaire like big
hitters all the way around this room and
it was one of these you know guys if
anyone's got anything that they you know
they wanted a bit of advice on we've got
a room of people that are pretty in here
and you can say what you want this dude
was like wi's 8 months pregnant don't
think I'm going to love the kid what do
I do and dude sat across from him was
like give it six months after the birth
Everything Will Change but that fear and
the guilt and the shame and can I tell
my partner does this mean I don't love
my partner does this mean I'm going to
be a terrible father you know all of
these things like that one Insight from
that episode I haven't had so many tags
and messages from guys in a really long
timez I thought I thought I was brok
broken I thought I was defective or I am
going through this right now my wife is
X months pregnant or the child is 3
months old and I'm like I just feel
nothing for this kid and and and it just
takes longer for men okay so now
bringing it back to surrogacy so now
imagine that um instead of instead of it
being the dad who takes who takes that
long to develop the bond with the child
now it's both parents because neither
parent has been through the biological
priming process of pregnancy wow um now
and now imagine now let's we I can't
prove that this is going to do this is
going to impact on the on the life of a
newborn baby but I would bet you any
money that it will and I think it's just
profoundly wrong to take that immediate
immediate love of of of motherhood away
from to intentionally deprive a child of
that in the name of adult desire I just
think that's profoundly morally wrong
and we shouldn't be allowing it I think
I saw a video I was told about a video
of one of the Kardashians that one of
the Kardashians who was very open about
this and she you know she she procured a
child by surrogacy um and procured yeah
it's it's human trafficking Chris it's
human trafficking just using your own
genetics yeah it's human trafficking
using using sometimes your own genetics
so she Pro she procured a baby via arogy
and was very open about the fact that
she really struggled to bond with with
the baby and I was thinking you know so
so okay like we can all we can all
empathize with you maybe but like can we
can we just think about what the baby's
going through here this is a newborn
baby who needs to be surrounded by love
and and responded to with care and you
know nursed whenever it need picked up
and held whenever he or she needs it and
and and both parents are struggling to
bond and both parents are are feeling
nothing and both parents enough nannies
around to you know just pick it up give
it to the nanny The Nanny will continue
to pick yeah and I I just I inside
reading that I just wept for the baby
who was still not being centered in the
story even even as Kardashian was
talking about how she was how about her
emotional Journey even then the child
was not being centered in the story and
I I just think it's profoundly
profoundly upside down we owe a duty of
care to to the most dependent of all
most vulnerable of all which is our
babies and and every time we prioritize
our own desires over those of our babies
we're failing in that duty of care in
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