Video summary
Many people feel uncomfortable when offered compliments and instinctively respond by deflecting them or downplaying their significance, a behavior often rooted in childhood experiences stored deep within our consciousness. The speaker compares this internal mechanism to an airplane's black box that records every event of a flight; similarly, each person carries a mental "black box" holding narratives about themselves formed years ago, even during early childhood. When someone offers praise that contradicts these long-held negative or modest self-perceptions, the individual struggles to recognize their own worth in the compliment and reacts with avoidance rather than acceptance.
To overcome this discomfort, it is essential to develop kind self-talk and practice self-complimentation by patting oneself on the back for achievements without hesitation. When a genuine compliment arrives, one should consciously choose to breathe deeply, relax, and feel gratitude instead of preparing defensive deflections or feeling resistant. The speaker emphasizes that accepting praise allows us to appreciate the generosity of the person offering it and can even open up a helpful conversation between both parties, transforming what might be an awkward moment into a positive connection based on mutual appreciation.
Ultimately, becoming better at receiving compliments makes us more capable of giving them freely as well, creating a virtuous cycle of kindness in our interactions with others. The speaker reflects that while complimenting someone is always a beautiful and generous act, it becomes difficult for the recipient if they consistently deflect or appear uncomfortable about such praise. Whether you are struggling to accept kind words yourself or know someone who would benefit from learning how to embrace them more openly, improving this skill fosters healthier relationships and allows us all to feel seen and valued in our daily lives.
Read the full video transcript
Do you feel uncomfortable when people
give you compliments?
I know I do.
I'm better now than I used to be, but I
used to really hate it.
And my response usually was some form of
deflection,
putting it back on the person,
downplaying
uh the compliment, um
saying why maybe it wasn't true, or
here's something you don't know about
me.
And all of it was me being avoidant of
the discomfort created by the
compliment. And I decided it was unkind
to the person complimenting me
to behave like that.
And so I dug down into why I was like
that. And I think the best
way of explaining it that I came up with
was, you know,
there's a black box on
planes that records everything
um in the flight. This black box is the
memory of what took place in any given
flight on any given day.
I think we all have a black box in our
consciousness.
And it's recorded things that were said
to us
years ago, even in childhood.
And it holds on to that. And when
someone says something to you that is
contrary to what the black box has
recorded,
and the black box's narrative about you,
when someone compliments you,
and it's against what the black box
has memorized,
we struggle and don't recognize
ourselves in the compliment. And so we
deflect, and we try to dial it down, and
become avoidant.
I used to be like that with compliments.
I was an awful person to compliment.
I don't want to encourage you guys today
to work on that if that's you, to
develop develop kind self-talk to
yourself.
To self-compliment. Nothing wrong with
that. Compliment you. Pat yourself on
your own back
when you do well.
Also, breathe and relax. And when you
see a compliment coming, don't get
resistant like I began to do preparing
my deflection.
But,
breathe. Relax.
Be grateful. Be thankful. Thank the
person. Appreciate the compliment.
Um even create a conversation about it
that may be helpful to you both.
I don't know, but I do know it's a
beautiful thing
to compliment someone. It's a huge act
of generosity
to compliment someone.
But, that gets more difficult to do if
it's someone that always deflects
and clearly feels uncomfortable about
it.
Is that someone in your world that would
benefit from this video? Or is that you
who would benefit from this video?
Um either case, I was you or I was I was
that person.
Let's get better at receiving
compliments,
which I think makes us better at giving
compliments.
Love you guys. Hope that helps. Let me
know what you think in the comments.
Cheers.