STOP Letting Your Past Hold You Back From An INCREDIBLE Future | LOGIC on Impact Theory

So, when I was a kid on his come-up, like, I'm [ __ ] broke, life sucks, like my family ain't [ __ ] blah, blah, blah. People were like, "Yeah, yeah." And then now my [ __ ] has changed. It's like I I have to juggle millions of dollars in personal relationships. And people just want the young, hungry version of me from 10 years ago. And da da da. And I write this out because it's what I'm going through. For me, it was never about that. It was always about [music] explaining and expressing my emotions so that I could deal with it. Bobby Hall aka Logic joining us today. Welcome, man. What's up, dude? I am super excited to be interviewing you. I read your book, This Bright Future, uh your memoir. It was startling. I had no idea what your history was like. So I knew your music. Um didn't know how much of your music was autobiographical and how much was sort of persona generated. So reading the book was quite the eye opening experience. Um the real thing that I want to start with is identity and how we're created really by three things. Our genetics, which you've certainly had an interesting uh road there in terms of public reaction. uh the [laughter] family that we grow up in, which the book was revvely in terms of what your childhood was like, and then ultimately the the story that we tell ourselves about who we are. And there you've got Bobby Hall, you've also got your alter ego um of logic and then, you know, you've got other sort of subgos under that that you've wrapped from the perspective of as well. And so I'm just curious in the light of the memoir, how do you think about how you became the person that you are and what the alter ego was meant to do for you in your life? Um, what a great question. Uh, I really and I also really appreciate you actually reading it because you know you do some things like, "Yeah, this is this is great." Oh, yeah. And then just somebody telling them what half of what went on. Um h okay. So yes, having you know parents addicted to drugs and alcohol and witnessing abuse and death and crazy stuff, you would think I would [clears throat] go down that path. I I would wind up like uh like my parents had, which is sad and unfortunate really. Right. And um I think I in I've well I know it's got to be in the book because I I there's no way I would write it without putting it in there. But I think God and common sense first and foremost and whatever God even is, you know what I mean? Like I respect religion and people's religion and but I don't know. But I'd like to think there's a something bigger. Not necessarily sky dad just like a white dude on the cloud. But anyway, um so I think it's I I think yes. just this just common sense of like, oh, let's not shoot up heroin. Hey, let's not smoke crack in front of our children or, you know, let's not put a gun in this 11-year-old kid's hand. Just little little things like little things, but little things like that that I look back on and I just was like, this isn't right. There was some weird voice in my head and it was like, don't do this thing. Um, and I think that matched with my my wanting to escape and then trying to find, okay, how can I escape? And the first real escape from that was obviously television, entertainment, things that I love, anime. Um, but the real escape while healing at the same time was music. because, you know, it's not I've never just been a rapper that's like, "Yeah, [ __ ] and hoes and this and that." You know, like I'm just that's just not who I am. Um, so for me, I could take my music and write about my dad smoking crack or write about my mom's bipolar and borderline schizophrenia, write about my abuse, write about my anxiety. And and that was a big one, you know, because like it's a little cooler nowadays to be like, "Yeah, man. I've, you know, I got anxiety, man." Like it's when I was coming up in hip-hop, even just in these last five years, it was not cool. I would get made fun of for talking about my emotions and my feelings and my this and my that, but I could, you know, give a damn. For me, it was always first and foremost uh something that I put in place to be able to express myself so that I wouldn't put a bullet in my head to keep to to be frank with you. You know what I mean? Um so I I yeah, common sense. Sorry for the long-winded answer. Uh I think a bit of God common sense and then utilizing this uh alter ego to uh vocalize it and in doing so was extremely therapeutic. Do you remember when you first started thinking about identity? Did you ever think about it? Was it conscious? Did it just happen? Um because certainly in the book you talk a lot about, you know, there's this moment where you begin to realize, like you said, that this stuff is [ __ ] up and that you don't want to go down that path. But I'm curious, you know, when so before I do an interview, I always start just journaling about what I found interesting and what you know, you start with an emotion, right? So reading your book gave me an extraordinarily strong emotion and I highly encourage people to read it. I maybe your um the intimate fans will have known a lot of this stuff but it was really a surprise to me and uh so you step back and you try to put words to what it is that that feeling is. And so I started thinking about you really are this fascinating collision of all the different ways that we make up our identity. And was there a moment where you became aware of that like that you needed to take control of that narrative or did it just God and common sense and that's how we ended up here? If you want to talk about real control of like a narrative of my life. I I know you don't necessarily maybe you didn't mean it exactly like this, but for me at 31 only now do I feel like I'm actually taking a control of the narrative of Bobby Hall or logic or or my public perception or whatever the hell that means. I because I've actually decided to uh write about it completely unfiltered. You know what I mean? I mean, there's even a a section of the book where I discuss uh my Joel moment, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, where he killed a bird with an interaction that I had with a mentally uh challenged child and I was young as well. And um I didn't, you know, I used different words because back then we used different words. And I think for me being able to get all of this out um is the first time in my life where I don't feel like I'm constantly fighting to prove my identity to anybody else because one there was it wasn't really there was no uh there was nobody on the other on the receiving end. Do you know what I mean? So I'm sitting here and I'm writing this book and I'm like this is the truth. This is my truth. this is what I went through. This is what it is in music and and my come up as a musician. It was always, you know, hey guys, like I'm a rapper. No, you're not. What do you mean you're white? Oh, well, oh, I'm not white. My dad's black and my mom. And then it always goes into this thing about race. And then it goes into having to prove my identity or blackness or lack thereof or this or that or whatever the case may be. So, it wasn't until the and I hope I'm answering your question, but uh it wasn't until this project, you know, this memoir that I felt uh this is my identity and there's nobody really there to to tell me that it's not there will be, you know, when once it comes out. Yeah. But I mean, the coolest part is is like it's just different. I don't know how to explain it. It's the first time in my life where I just don't feel like I have to. And also, it's like I'm 31. I know I'm young, but I'm older. I'm not a 22-year-old kid trying to make it in rap and hiphop and gossip and this and all this other stuff. It's just like, hey, man, like if you like, take it or leave it. Like, you might not have to you don't have to like it, but it's it's true. And I hate that so much of it is that it is true. Everything I went through, the state of the world, race relations, like it all sucks. But rather than run, uh, I chose to talk about it and finally get everything off my chest, especially about people in my life who had a lot to do with my identity and and h and my upbringing who may not like how they are described um, in this book, but at the end of the day, it's like I didn't do it from a place of malice, anger. I just was telling the truth u, and it was all very awesome and and I'm very glad that I did it. I was going to ask was the book is the act of writing this stuff cathartic in some way? Um, for sure. So, I actually had a partner uh a collaborator who helped me piece it together, you know what I mean? So, it's like I'd be writing and working on this thing and going over it and it was kind of cool to have a person there um to bounce the these things off and then find out the placement of it because, you know, when I'm writing and I'm going through all this, I'm I'm not really going from the beginning to the end. It's kind of like, oh, here's a crazy moment in my life where my mom got stabbed. Here's a crazy moment where my sister was sexually assaulted in the bed next to me when I was a child. Here's like, you know what I mean? the craziest stuff and then putting it together with al also like um you know I don't know just smoking weed for the first time like just trying to figure out how to do that and then and then um put it together and in doing so yes it was it was one it's was one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced um because you my dad and all the abuse I'd gone through. Um, there was for sure anger. It's not like it was when I was young when you're all young and pissed off and just like whatever. But there was still like, man, how could you do this? Like, I look at my son, my baby, my little Bobby, and I could never leave him alone in a car for five hours while I go smoke crack. I could never look him in the eyes and tell him that he's not my son because I'm smoking crack and he doesn't want to be around that. Like it's just the craziest stuff. But it wasn't anger. It was more like I mean it was first and foremost forgiveness being able to write this. It was like I've forgiven my mom for the things that she said to me and my dad and all of these people in my life, but living it through it in incredible detail again uh gave me a peace I I've never felt before. Yeah, it's it's actually really interesting to hear. So there's a lot of different research around okay so how do we process through trauma and there are schools of thought that are like hey you need to write this out and you're finally able to go through the actual business of processing it other people are like no no no you're reliving it you're reseing it you might even be because the way that the brain works actually pretty fascinating the brain when it pulls forth a memory it takes it into working memory it will adjust it and then restore it back in long-term memory so you can actually change the shape of a memory over time, which is pretty powerful. Uh, wow. But then you also have things, oh dude, it's it's purely insane. And then when you look at things like the mechanism of sleep, a big part of why we sleep is to strip a memory of its emotional resonance. But people with PTSD, their cortisol levels remain elevated while they sleep. So as they relive this trauma, it never removes the emotional impact. And so that's where you get into things like MDMA therapy and psychedelic therapy where you're able to like completely recontextualize that memory in a totally different neurological state. It's pretty fascinating. So So that you will then in turn feel differently emotionally like kind of taking that pain away. Yes. One thing you one thing you talk about in the book that I think is particularly relevant to MDMA treatment is so the idea with um a lot of the things you talk about in the book are you know hey I would be at home and I would get these panic attacks if I went out which is weird because like my mom is part of the problem and but yet being away from her was all I knew so I'd get panicky but then when I was living in a house with people that made me feel safe I didn't have any of those problems and part of the hypothesis around MDMA treatment is that you're calling forth a traumatic memory while you're a wash in serotonin because basically serotonin which makes you feel good and safe and like everything's okay, love, connection, all of that causes these massive spikes in serotonin. So you relive this traumatic memory in this connected loving sort of whole neurochemical state. And because of the way memory storage works, you're now putting it back into long-term memory with this new sort of feeling of wholeness and safety and all of this, which is absolutely fascinating and gets into my obsession with your story and this idea of we construct ourselves somewhat. Our environment constructs us, our genetics construct us, right? We're not born blank slates. We aren't just the product of our environment. And there's this third element around storytelling. And for those who don't know, like you're it's utter people need to read the [ __ ] book. So first of all, like you you don't you don't do anything to make yourself sound cool. So in the end, you're able to as the reader look back on what you've accomplished and just be like, god damn. Like even stripping all the bravado away from it, it's amazing. So, one, you've obviously got to come up as a rapper, but you're a number one New York Times best-selling author of a [ __ ] novel. You've sold out Madison Square Garden, platinum selling artist. I mean, it's really it's really pretty extraordinary. And to me, the whole time you've been playing with this sense of who am I? How do I present myself to the world? How do I present myself to myself? And now in the memoir, in the way that you wrap everything up and present it, it's it's really pretty breathtaking in terms of your ability to say it from a place of forgiveness. Uh well, god damn, I never thought of myself that way. It was really it's just really weird. I never thought like, oh yeah, platinum selling artists, Madison Square Garden, you know, blah blah blah. Like I just I never thought about that. And I also think a big part of that, which I do discuss in the book, is the fact that no matter what I do, it's always never good enough in the eyes of not necessarily just hip-hop, but entertainment in general. You know what I mean? It's not good enough. You're going to, okay, you got, you know, you got a couple of followers on Twitter, but you can't do a show, and then you do a show. Okay, yeah, 50 people showed up, but 500 people didn't show, and then 500 people show up, and then 5,000 people, and then 25,000 people, and then it's like, okay, yeah, but you ain't got you ain't got no album. you know, it's okay, but the album's not platinum. Okay. And that that starts to ingrain into your head. And it's not just the just music. I mean, it's life, right? It's like, okay, you have no high school diploma, and then you get high school. Yeah. But you didn't go to college and you go to college. Yeah. But you don't have your masters. And you get your masters. And then before you know it, you're [ __ ] like 80 years old and you didn't you don't live your life. You know what I mean? And I think um I think I'm really lucky to have discovered that at a young age, you know, because 31 is young. Um but I I my life is a lot just slower now because I've been able to look back while creating this book and realize that basically the goals I had as a young man and a musician and a creative person were [ __ ] So, like even though they were real, sorry I keep cussing. Anyway, uh even even though Okay, [ __ ] yeah. So, look, even though they were real, uh and they make sense, you know, like, okay, I want to put out an album. I want to sell a certain amount my first week or do this or do that. It was just this hamster wheel that never stopped. Um, and I think I I I just feel like that's very unhealthy. I never once patted myself on the back or said, "Good job." But that's also because I was constantly being bered online and this was like the revolution of the internet. You know, I came up in a place where like a year before if you didn't have a record deal and weren't Britney Spears and on MTV like there's no way you were making it. And then it was me and and a few you know amazing people Mac Miller, Jay Cole, Kendrick Lamar utilizing the internet and going oh we don't need them. All we have to do is say, "Hey world, here we are. Look, check us out." By being on Twitter and Instagram and and YouTube and doing things and utilizing it oursel. But when you're doing that, you're then opening your whole world up to the, you know, YouTube comments and other people who are trying to say what they would do if they were you. And it can just, it's very boring. You know, it's like extremely difficult to hear thousands of people tell you that you suck while you're doing amazing and the analytics are there and the numbers are there to prove that every song, every album, every this is getting better and better and better. And I think in a way it's kind of like a correlation to my life personally growing up. You know, I would I was like, I don't really want to shoot this gun. And then my friends are like, "Oh, you're a pussy." Like, you know what I mean? And it's like, "No, I I don't think I want to sell crack to my dad like my brothers did." And people are like, "Man, like, it's just a really it's a really crazy thing." Um, but I'm happy that I'm here. I hope I'm don't sound like I'm all over the place right now. It's It's just a weird thing. When I make an Sorry to cut you off, but when I make an album, it's like this is what the album was. This is what it was like to produce it. this is what but to talk about my life it's a weird it's very overwhelming sorry no I think it's uh it's really important that you put the book out so obviously one of your biggest most acclaimed songs the 1800 song about you know feeling suicidal and uh the number of people that I'm sure that that helped and that came up to you and said hey because of your music you know I hung on and I think after reading your book It's I think it's going to open the minds of however many people I don't know but the people for whom it will open a window into what you can become despite where you've started is going to be really extraordinary reading the book dude it's it's literally one it's well written two it's a litany of just unrelenting punishment and dysfunction and uh yeah I mean it was really crazy to hear the kind of things that you went through. So for you to be able to open it open up to that to talk about it to come on to interview to not posture to really just lay it out and say but at the same time I had a goal I built a family of people that I collected along the way and there there's a moment in the book that I think is really really important and that's where you go from being a kid and not feeling like you controlled anything in your life feeling like you're sort of you know battered about by the waves of life. And then it starts in a dark moment where you stand up to your mom, but then from there it becomes you putting a team together, realizing that this thing that you were doing online and in forums of like I think it was was it rap battles written where you were just like typing things out and realizing you could build something. Yeah, it's a I think the thing for me is I never realized that I was doing it. I didn't realize that it was happening. I didn't realize that I was building a family, you know. Um I never had a family. I mean I did but I I didn't I didn't have even anything close to a traditional family. So um while you know feeling like Annie waiting for the sun to come out tomorrow like I was just started rapping and even while rapping I was still surrounded by negativity and violence and all these things. Um, but slowly, little by little, you meet one person, you know, who's not really about anything going on in my world and negativity and drugs and whatever the case may be. And I was like, "Wow, this person gets me." And I love where this person is. And that's like a producer, like My Boy Six. And uh, you know, then you find someone else who also has a dream to be a giant movie director one day, but they're just a guy with a Canon camera in their hand. And that that was, you know, Gravity who was making all my videos on my come-up for free and so on and so forth. I meet Lenny who's my my best friend and my brother who ended up giving me my my rap name and you kind of don't realize it and then you just wake up one day and you're surrounded by 20 people, whether it's the people on your tour and your assistant and you're this and you're that. And it's, you know, there there's there was days when I'd kind of look in the mirror and I'd be like, you know, everyone is in my pocket, though. So, like, do these people really love me, you know? But it's like, of course they do. Like, we we it's a system that doesn't work without each other. Like, I could I never looked at myself and was like, "Oh, I'm the star, man." Like, blah blah blah. Like, no. If I'm acting like a douche, well, this producer buddy of mine, he's just going to go make beats for someone else. and this videographer will make videos for someone else. So, it was never that. We never none of us ever had that mentality. It was about all utilizing our own talents. Um because if I make it, they make it. And if we all make it, then we we we did it. Uh so it was it's it was it's just a very weird thing to have woken up one day not uh surrounded by a new group of people that are the complete opposite of every single person that I grew up with and that's no slight to those people that I grew up with and I make that very clear in this book but uh yeah yeah one of the lines that you said in the book that I thought is it captures that come up so well is you were talking about the people. You were just saying that you had gathered around you and everybody had their role and you said, you know, we were all working so hard because none of us wanted to be the one that let everybody else down. And I just thought, man, that that goes back to that that. So, you see all these movies, you know, A Star is Born, whatever, about these people that are on the come up and you realize, and this is the same in in business where the the time that you will look back on the most fondly is when you're coming up and you think like, "Oh my god, we might actually make it." But before it gets big, that [ __ ] moment is so magical. And I'm always telling the people on my team like you have to enjoy each phase for what it has to offer because every phase is fun. Like when Lisa and I, my wife were broke and clipping coupons and like tracking Blockbuster rentals like who's 299 was this? You know what I mean? Like that's going on somebody's list. And you know those moments when you're in them, it's you can get lost in it's hard. You can get lost in like, yo, I'm worried about paying my bills. But then when you start to get successful, some part of your brain is like that was rad. Like she believed in me and we were together and like we fought this fight together. And so I got to a point in my life where I could realize while it was happening, I don't love XYZ part of it, but I want to focus on the parts that when I know I'm looking back on this, I'm going to remember it so that I can actually live it and enjoy it. and one seeing you talk about that kind of stuff in the book those transitional moments that become like these really beautiful things and now as you're putting the book out you're in that next transitional moment I mean you're I assume you're far too creative uh whether it's writing whether it's film making whether it's music or whatever that you're going to keep producing stuff how do you think about that now I love this question man this is good [ __ ] Um, that is exactly where I am. Okay. So, when I was in the basement, like I'll never forget going to my best friend, Lenny, who I'd only known for like maybe two years and h not having a place to live, and him letting me live with him, right? So, he's letting me live with him in his basement and his like mom's upstairs and he's just an amazing guy and it's like I should have a job. I'm like 21. Like, I should be paying rent. I should be this. But I had this conversation with him where I was like, "Look, man, like if you just give me one year, dude, I know this sounds crazy, but if you give me one year, and in that year, he clothed me, he fed me, he took care of me, like he made sure I had soap to wash my ass. Like this dude like literally took care of me." And almost a year to the day, I signed a major label deal with Def Jam and uh he quit his job as a land surveyor for 12 years and we moved to La La Land. And it was like incredible. But every day was terrifying because it's like, "Hey man, just give me a year." And it's like for me, those days were going so quick. And I hated it in the moment, but I loved it at the same time. And what I mean is like I hated that I don't know, one of my songs didn't just blow up immediately. I hated that it felt like forever. I hated that it felt like it wouldn't happen. That it felt like it could happen at any moment, but it was actually happening very slowly. It was a slow burn. You know, it's a marathon, but every young person wants the sprint, you know. I mean, speaking of La La Land, I mean, wasn't that director like 19 or something when he made that movie? Like, we all want that, you know? And um as I got older and as things were happening and I don't want to get too you know dive too deep but it's like every goal I would attain I was then on to the next one. So because I was just on to the next goal uh while working on that thing. So for example get a record deal. Boom. I got a record deal. So now the next goal is release an album. Okay. So then I'm think I'm working on the album and I know that I'm going to release that album. But then after that I have to do a successful tour. So then I'm thinking about I'm thinking like three goals ahead. And in all of it I am ignoring everything in front of me. I'm ignoring the beautiful quality time that I'm spending with my friends in a studio. I'm ignoring the fact that I was damn near agorophobic and scared of the world and scared to go outside out of fear of a million and one things that could happen to me or the people I love. And here I am just a few years later traveling and eating in the Eiffel Tower and like the but I'm not thinking about it. So in present day um I finally have made this leap as an actor and a writer. Um and um long story short, I'm actually writing a film right now that I'm going to I'm going to star in and I'm going to fund it. I'm going to do it myself. And everyone's like, "You're crazy." And I'm like, "Fuck you, Kevin Smith, [ __ ] I'm about to kill this." So, um, but it is scary to do it. And, um, recently, um, by now I think that all the episodes will be out for a show called Mr. Corman on Apple TV starring Joseph Gordon Levit. And I don't know how I did, but somehow me and him became friends. And we'd been friends for a few years. And long story short, I had an opportunity to audition for this crazy character that an entire episode is about. And it is the first thing I'd ever done as an actor. And he was the first one to actually believe in me that I could that I could do this. And I'm on set and I'm freaking out and I'm talking to my buddy Mike. Mike Holland. He's my producer at uh Bible Boy Productions. Shout out Mike. And Mike is like my six my producer back in the day. Only now here I am. Then I was 30 on this show doing something I've only ever dreamed of doing and I found myself saying, "Slow down." Cuz I'm talking to Mike like, "Dude, we got to do a movie and I need more roles and blah blah blah." And then I was like, "Wait a second. I'm on a [ __ ] movie set right now." Like I stopped myself and was like, dude, like I was going I was running these lines and committing them to memory when my wife was in labor. Like she just needed a distraction from the pain. And I'm like talking about chili pepper songs and like you know this dialogue and stuff like that. And it was one of the most surreal moments because I realized what I had stripped from myself of being present and in the moment and enjoying the ride even though I was terrified because I was dirt broke in Lenny's basement. I could now in another form like you had said another form of creativity another uh uh chapter of my life I could actually enjoy it. That is really interesting. So, going on to coping mechanisms, we'll call it. So, I'm curious to know, I had a guy on the show that I interviewed that had been just sexually abused in in ways too horrific to even catalog. Wow. And he now teaches people how to construct an alter ego. And in the book, you talk about Batman. You say Bruce Wayne's just Bruce Wayne, but Batman like gets to beat the Joker's ass or whatever you said. And you know, in some ways, logic had become that alter ego for you so that you could overcome some of the stuff and get out and and do uh the things you do. I mean, to to perform in front of that many people, I imagine, when you're, you know, two days ago, you're a gorophobic is it's a pretty big bridge to cross. So, uh an utterly fascinating coping mechanism that I think has some scientific validity to it. Now, as you go into acting, as you're writing the book, do you have a new coping mechanism or do you use similar things where it's like, because I remember when I was really afraid to public speak, I would do what I call pushing my No way. No [ __ ] way. I'm sorry to interrupt you. You had a problem with public speaking. I don't know. I I used to be crippled by anxiety. Crippled. Wow. Wow. So, yeah. Yeah. We We all have our stories. Uh, so do you use a coping mechanism now or have you just integrated this all so well that you're very attuned to calming yourself down? Oh, no. I'm a [ __ ] wreck. Like, you know, I I honestly I I haven't spoken too much about this, but I just found out recently I have cervical donia. Do you know what this is? I've only heard about it through you. Okay. Oh, wow. Well, yeah. So, it's a it's a neurological disorder which basically either can cause a person's uh head to turn in one direction and it's kind of stuck in that direction unless they use like a sensory tick and for me um I have a a tremor, a head tremor and it goes in a no motion and I cannot control it and it causes me a lot of pain. So I know this is I guess for me when it comes to these endeavors of acting and writing scripts and all this stuff um the alter ego is the character right so it's like I'm writing a character so it's never really me right you know maybe somebody could say talk about my performance or whether it good or bad or this or that personally Bobby Hall's performance but when I'm creating it's always as that. So even when I'm writing, right, I am pretending in my head that I am these characters. You know, if I'm writing from the perspective of a woman, well, I don't go, okay, well, what would a woman say? No, I go, what would a [ __ ] human being say? You know, a badass chick. What would she say? She's she's just a person. And the thing that rips me from this, the fear that I have is that I can't control my head from shaking. And so for the last two years, I haven't written anything. I haven't really sat sat down. I mean, with the exception of this book, um, and sat at a table the way that I like to sit at a table normally without my head doing this, which is shaking back and forth, which causes me extreme emotional pain, which also stems from the fact that when I was a young boy, I would see the elderly shaking, and it [ __ ] freaked me out. It scared me so bad. And then now I'm dealing with this thing. Um, I think it's crazy that, you know, as we're having a conversation and you're talking to me, I'm doing everything that I can to listen to you while also wondering, are your viewers watching my headshake and wondering why are they do they think I'm nervous? Do they think I'm weird? Is it weird that I'm sitting on a couch at a certain angle and turning my head while trying to hold this and put my arm back here to look as normal as this is the [ __ ] in my head. And I wish all I had to worry about was the creative aspect of it. Now, here's the funny part. There's always going to be some [ __ ] Back in the basement, I was broke with my mom, you know, and what I was going through. I was on welfare and food stamps and, you know, my stepdad slitting his Achilles heel open and bleeding profusely all over the the the kitchen floor while my mom was hauled off by the by the cops or when she was in a psych ward and I was all alone with my sisters. There's always something. And so part of the reason that I bring this up is to say uh I don't know. I mean, I know it's a little odd, but just to say like there's always going to be something in our lives. There's always going to be something that isn't right, but we can't let it stop us from doing what we love. And um if anything, no, I don't think I I need a character for me in a sense to write that flows. But the antagonist is for sure this physical ailment that I've been dealing with. Yeah. that uh I know the way that things like that can drip on your mind where uh in fact that was when I used to get before I had real anxiety when I used to just get sort of average everyday nervous I remember thinking the only thing I'm actually nervous about is that someone will hear that quaver in my voice yeah I was like if there was no external thing that people could pick up on I would never worry about it but it is only the fact that then people are going to you know like you said are they paying attention to my voice can they hear that I'm really freaked out right now. Um, so I definitely get that and that really does then it takes some significant portion of your attention and your brain is on that uh instead of whatever it is you're trying to do as you think about that. So obviously one of the mechanisms you have is just to talk about it and be honest about it which I think is really really smart. Um, what's already taken so much off of even just saying that in this particular interview you know that you have to move forward. you've got a passion for acting, you're not going to let it stop you. So, do you have a a strategy for dealing with that? [snorts] Um, neurological disorders, there's not really a lot of medical advancement because it's it so much of it is non-life-threatening, right? So, because of that, modern medicine and science and everything is more focused on like curing cancer and all these other which makes sense. Um, the only real thing that's and I've tried physical therapy and I will try continue to try it. uh but is Botox injections, which is hilarious because you know I'm not a Kardashian. That's a joke. Anyway, so what I'm saying is like Botox was actually created for destonia, which I didn't realize to uh to aid in pain. It also helps with migraines. But what it does is it weakens the muscle. So I'll have a young ass looking neck. It's another bad joke, but uh it's actually deep. it's much, you know, deeper than the surface to weaken the muscle to stop it from contracting because you have these two muscles that are just doing this because they're fighting each other like here. But if you slightly pull that, then it it'll stop. Uh my fear um and it's so funny that we're even talking about this right now, but my fear is actually being on screen. So, it's even when I look back on uh the Mr. Corman shoot that I did, nobody knew what was going on in in my head. no pun intended, but I was thinking about it constantly where all these other actors could just be normal nervous and, you know, be worried about forgetting their lines or flubbing a, you know, whatever the case may be. I wasn't thinking about any of that [ __ ] Like, you know, this guy's in front of me and he's running a line and I know it because I am a sick bastard and go to sleep, wake up, shower, go on a run and I'm constantly going over these lines because it's that important to me. But really all I'm thinking about is what is the best position to look at this gentleman in front of me so that I don't shake or how can I do a um like this kind of neurological trick to trick my brain by touching the side of my face. But then further still, how can I do that and make it seem as though my character is just doing that naturally while having a conversation? This is the [ __ ] that scares me, man. because I think about the fact that I want to star in this movie that I'm writing and I'm like purposefully not trying to to write like stairs ahead intensely like you know what I mean so that my head doesn't shake and it's crazy and I know it's it's kind of a first world problem at this point but I guess uh you know I think the reason we're talking about it right now is because yeah so many people have underlining things that they deal with personally that nobody else would know and it's torture man it scares me it scares me what if I've given this to my done. What if it becomes extremely debilitating and I become a burden to my my wife and my family? But at the same time, yolo, I have to focus on the present. I have to look back on what I wish I could have been focusing on in the basement. What I have right now is my health. I am able to sit and have a conversation and most people don't really notice it. and I will be damned if I allow it to stop me from writing or doing these things just because it's like someone's poking you 247. You got to live with it. Adaptation, it's one of our, you know, mankind's greatest features, I believe. So, that's where I'm at with it. There's going to be really interesting to watch you. I feel like one of the things there's a subset of artists that um and I while I I I'll put myself in this basket though the way that I address it is more through business than artistry but um because I feel like I've learned everything the hard way in my life I feel this sense of like yo you can actually solve these problems and so I want to help other people learn easily what took me great pains to learn um and so watching you watching the transition seeing how one seeing how good you got at rap which was really quite extraordinary watching you deal with all the criticism around race and all of that and now watching you transition into writing which of course everybody told you you wouldn't be able to do it's so it's like you know watching all these transitions and now you know obviously I wouldn't wish upon you that it's more difficult for you than the next person but as somebody who's already established themselves as somebody that is of tremendous use to other people because you're willing to talk about it because you, you know, have created all these strategies for dealing with things. Uh, yeah, it'll be interesting to watch how you continue to give to other people as you go through this. Just just one thing I do want to say which I think is really funny. You kind of saying, you know, yeah, all these people saying, oh, you know, you you can't write, you know, you're not going to be able to write write a fictional novel or your memoir won't do good or you can't you're not going to be an actor, you're just the rapper guy or blah blah blah. Now at this phase of my life, those things don't ex like I don't hear that. I mean, I acknowledge it. I know. I mean, I'm a human being. Sometimes it hurts to hear it, but I've gone through it my whole life being told what I can or can't do. Not only personally, but then professionally, you'll never be a rapper. You'll never sell out the garden. You'll never this. You'll never that. and knowing that every single thing that is, you know, I I've been told that I couldn't do, I actually achieved it. And so, as a man, you know, at 30 and stepping back and realizing my worth as a human being, now stepping into this next realm, this next chapter of creativity, I know I can. I know I can. And to and for me, that's what this book is. That's what this conversation is. It's letting people know like, dude, you can do it. Because at the end of the day, I just feel like we're all kids. Like everyone's like, you know, first graders with nuclear codes as adults. It's weird, you know, but it's like how could you look a beautiful child in the face and be like, you [ __ ] suck. Like you're never going to make like this. Like nobody would do I mean maybe 1% of the world would do. It's such a disgusting concept to think of. And when I look at, you know, other people, when they tell me their dreams and their ambitions and all this, I see this child inside of them that that is pure and excited and I root for that person um because the child in me has been stepped on and kicked um but is still standing. So, moving into this next chapter, I think the biggest thing, even though it's hard, even though my own voice goes, you can't do it. You're a fraud. They're everyone's going to know. I still say yes, you can. You know, you can you can do this. How do you convince yourself to believe that? Like, when you you yourself have a voice saying that, and by the way, because you're famous, you have millions of people that'll happily tell you that as well. How do you compartmentalize that or soothe that voice and believe enough that you can do it that you actually do the work? Um, I've been alone and I've had to I've had to be that voice, but I I am also lucky to have amazing people around me. I'm blessed enough to have uh, you know, I got a guy right here right next to me right now named Tony and he loves my music and when I put my music out, he's a big fan and he just goes, "Dude, this is great." And if I'm in the middle of making a song, I'm like, "What do you think?" He's honest. Oh, what if you tried this instead? Or or maybe do this. You know, it it's it's I'm surrounded by people who are loving and kind and can help me, guide me, aid me into ignoring that voice. Uh when I was younger, it was about proving people wrong. Oh, you say I can't? I can't. This chip on your [ __ ] shoulder, I'm going to show you. That is no reason to create art. That is no reason to follow your dreams out of spite. I mean that's like a episode of curb your enthusiasm. Like who does that? You know what I mean? And I did that. I did that my whole career. My whole career. And when I write and I work on scripts and I I I only do it for me and possibly anyone I could help with an underlying theme uh in in the words. So yeah, it's interesting the whole chip on your shoulder thing. I may have a an unpopular view, but your career is evidence that the the chip isn't all bad. And when I think about Star Wars, so I think in movie terms a lot, but I don't think that'll be lost on you. When I think about the reason that, you know, Darth Vader is able to do what he does is because there is real power in the dark side. There is real energy there. and from anger. Yeah, from anger for sure. And so the the whole the way that I look at it is this. There's the light side, there's the dark side. And I mean that in the Star Wars sense. And I try to spend at least 80% of my time in the light energy, the beautiful things I want to create, the people that I have around me that love me. Um, but when I'm at my most fatigued, when I am just spent, and I don't have anything more, I think about the people who want me to fail. and then I've got a bit more energy. And I just find that you have to be very careful how long you spend time there because as you well know it becomes very corrosive and that in and of itself can ruin your health, stop you from having any ability to enjoy what you've accomplished. But nature gave us that tool for a reason. I agree. I I wholeheartedly agree. I think in my situation the chip um became like a bag of Lays like like you know what I mean like it was more so um it wasn't just this little thing like oh man like this person on the internet says like I can't make an album. It was like it was like I was only doing it to prove that person wrong. It was like I was only writing raps as intricate as I could and doing on purpose thinking about someone else rather than just from from my heart. So I agree. I think it is dope, man. I kind of like when people are like, "Ah, this guy's not going to act because I'm like, "Fuck you, man." Like, I'm going to show you, you know? And and I I agree with you. I like that. I just don't like when it takes over when when you go to the dark side like fully. You know what I mean? like I just it's just not for for me. Um I I found I wasn't happy anymore because I had let it engulf me. I mean, I've literally accomplished every everything you could accomplish as a musician. Um except win a Grammy. Um and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a Grammy because I would like one. Also, I think it's just been systematically embedded in me that I'll have some more worth or something if I do. But at this point, it's just something on a on a checklist that I'd like to accomplish. However, um I will never make music again to try to get a Grammy or uh a number one album or you know even this even this book you know it's like pre-orders and there's a whole thing and it's like I'm you know I'm doing I'm doing the best I can but like with my last book it was like I was shoving it down people's throats like go pre-order go pre-order this is get it get like crazy like five times a day and tweets and this and now I'm just like hey guys go check this book out you know once or twice a week I'm like it would mean a lot to me but it's like okay if it's not a number one in its first week does that you know like not inval make me invalid or my story any less real or no and anything that is honest and from the heart will grow and people will talk about it and it will you know word of mouth and it it'll do its thing So, I've I mean, don't get me wrong, man. Like, I still want to be I want to be as successful as I could possibly be, but I realize like all these numbers and all these things um they're not important. The only thing that is important with this book is first and foremost expressing everything that I've gone through in my life so that I can heal and be and have a better understanding of my childhood and my upbringing. And two, um, hopefully there are people out there who will be able to relate and this could possibly help them even a little bit. That's the only reason I made the book. It's a pretty good reason to make the book. When I think about all the things you've gone through, when I think about the just avalanche of uh, hate that somebody in your position has had to deal with, there must have been a real temptation. In fact, here's what really surprises me. How did you see the risk of becoming bitter? Like most people just aren't aware that they're becoming bitter. It just seems so self-evident to be bitter given what they've been through. It just sort of makes them bitter. How did you question it? How did you become aware enough of it to avoid that? Dude, check this [ __ ] out. On one of my albums, I mean, a few of my albums, I've talked about this industry. I've talked about how social media has changed the perception of music, what's good, what's not. I'm not complaining about this. I'm voicing frustration so that I can heal because any and everything that I've ever gone through, I've written about it and I still continue to write about it in music and now in film. And and and for me, the hardest part was hearing people go, "Oh, you sound bitter." When really, it's like, "What? No, no, no, no, no. I'm just voicing how I feel about this." So, when I was a kid on his come up, like, "I'm [ __ ] broke. Life sucks. Like, my family ain't shit." Blah, blah, blah. People were like, "Yeah, yeah." And then now my [ __ ] has changed. It's like I I have to juggle millions of dollars in personal relationships and people just want the young hungry version of me from 10 years ago and da da da and I write this out because it's what I'm going through and then people will be like man this isn't as good as the old [ __ ] or it's or you just you sound like you're complaining or you're this or you're that in that I could write keep going even deeper like [ __ ] these people and blah and like even deeper. But for me, it was never about that. It was always about um explaining and expressing my emotions so that I could deal with it. So, I think hiphop in and of itself is extremely young. It's just a young man's game, dude. Like, it is right. And I'm 31. I'm I'm not 19 anymore. And um I I just released a mixtape for fun and one of the comments was um he's he's not the he doesn't sound hungry anymore. And another comment was and I didn't even really look at any comments. I just kind of peaked for one second. And another one was um uh the way he raps you can tell music isn't his everything. And I told this to my buddy Joe Joseph Gordon Levit. and he listened to it and and I I I had this conversation. We were both talking about how we deal with press and what people say and all this [ __ ] and uh it was very cool that me and him could have a conversation cuz one I like idolized this dude and now we're friends and it's weird. But anyway, law of attraction. So um so I said that to him and we had a good conversation. We hung up. Like two three days later he texts me this really beautiful text message and he goes, "Hey man, I just listened to the project." And he goes, "It's my favorite one." Because it's called the Bobby Tarantino series. It's like another alter ego within an alter ego of logic. And he was like, "You know what you said about the kid who's like, "You don't sound hungry anymore, like you're on your come up." He goes, "You're not." He says, "You're not on your comeup. You're a grown man." And he was like, and I love this. He was like, "I hate listening to people, rappers mainly in their 30s and 40s trying to pretend to be like they're 19 and talking about hoes and I got the newest Fendy clothes and I got this and D and it's like here you are talking about doing your best to be a good father, staying faithful to your wife." He's like, "You are not a kid on his come-up. you are a grown man and you are writing music and making you know content for people of your age. Uh, and when he said that, dude, it just made me so happy because I could be bitter and I could try to be this young hip guy and like, no, man. I've accepted that a lot of the lingo has changed and if I say dope, I probably sound old. Like, you know what I mean? Like, cool, dope, whatever. Um, I think letting not being happy with the person I see in the mirror has allowed me to not let that bitterness grow. It I'll never be perfect, man. You know what I mean? It's like when I was a twig, when I was 100 pounds, I was so self-conscious about my body and people on the internet would say, you know, very mean thing. my own mother, she's, you know, when she saw me with no shirt on when I was a teenager, she was, she was like, "Ashwitz, like what?" Like, who says that to somebody like that [ __ ] me up, you know what I mean? And then, so I had this like thing in my head that was like, I need to be the strong guy. And then finally, I put some man weight on and at 28 years old, I would wake up at 5 in the morning and drop down like Bruce Wayne and do uh 200 push-ups in sets of 50 before I even started my day. I was in the gym five days a week for two hours a day. And do you know why? For other people. Like that's what it was really about. Don't get me wrong, I did want to be a little healthier. I changed some things in my life, but the and I know I'm going on here and I'm all over the place, but it's this is me. This is your guest. Um, so so I was working out and I was doing it from a place of health, you know, cardio and lifting weights. But then on the internet, people are starting to notice that this like, you know, dude who looks like the stick bug from A Bug's Life is now kind of putting on weight and they're calling me Bobby Biceps and [ __ ] And that gets into my head and it's like brainwashing me that I have to be this strong manly man and blah blah blah. And you know what? It took me being physically the strongest I'd ever been, the biggest I'd ever been in my life to realize that all of that had nothing to do with strength and that I had been strong my whole life and I didn't need some outward physique to show me that or prove that to anybody else. I believe the punchline to life is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself. It's really all that matters. How did you get to the point where you liked the person that you see in the mirror? When I realized I wasn't a fraud, you know, I had so many people telling me what I was or what I wasn't or that I was trying to be this or that I was trying to be that. And I was just always just trying to be myself. You know, sure, I've tried to rap like Kendrick Lamar and J.Cole because I think that they rap really cool, so maybe I'll try a cadence like them. I wasn't trying to be them, you know what I mean? Um, but you could say the same thing for Tribe Call Quest, for you know, Nas and Jay-Z and Kanye West. Like, imitation is what what they say the serious form of flattery or something. You know what I mean? Like the these are guys that I look up to. And and for me, it's funny that if you're in a not to go on another tangent, but you can't be a fan of a contemporary artist. Like you it's just no. In a way, they're your enemy, but they're your brother. They're your competition, but they're And it's like, no, dude. If if Kendrick Lamar has a really cool beat, I'm going to be like, "Six, let's make a beat like that." And I want to do it in a completely different way. Realizing that that's okay. Like all these all these imaginary blurred lines on what you can't all these rules that are just made up, you know? It's like I'm that child inside drawing and painting and making uh the sky orange or whatever, you know, painting the sky orange. And so with that, looking in the mirror now older, I've realized everyone's full of [ __ ] Nobody knows what they're talking about. I don't know [ __ ] Why am I worried about this? Like, my son is beautiful. My wife is amazing. My life is amazing. I'm just a guy who writes words down and sometimes wraps them or sings them or acts them out in a scene. And some people literally hate me for it and some people like me for it. And some people have no [ __ ] A majority of the people on this planet have no [ __ ] idea who I am. So what? And it's just that kind of calming understanding of looking in the mirror and just being like, "Oh [ __ ] there's a wrinkle that wasn't there a year ago." Or, "I don't look the same way I did 10 years ago." But then it's funny because 10 years ago, I would have looked at myself and been like, "Wow, he's he's got a nice weight." You know, he's he doesn't look like this stick bug. taking away the words of people and the thoughts that have been implanted my in my head by people about myself is probably the most freeing thing I've been working on. You know, like I'm not perfect, man. I wake up and sometimes I don't think I'm good enough. Sometimes I don't think I'm creative enough. Sometimes I don't think my movie is going to work or the writing isn't great or the this or the that or da da da. But once again, that's just that's that's the voice in your head that you have to tell to [ __ ] off and then maybe you take a little bit of that chip that it's giving you and use it as fuel. What would you say to somebody who's on the come up now? I have no doubt that we'll have some young artists watching this that they want to make it, man. They want to do what you did and they want to take advantage of you know the current disruption whatever that may be and you know ride that to sidestep the traditional gatekeepers and do something themselves. How would you help them get the kind of because I mean you have so much lyrical prowess it's crazy and I know that one does not come upon that easily like that is a lot of work. So, how do you help them get in a frame of reference where they'll put in that work, but that they can enjoy it? Or maybe that's not how you think about it. I'm I'm curious what advice you'd give. Oh, I do. Um, everybody wants [ __ ] handed to them. You know, we could say, "Oh, this generation, man, these young kids, man." Like, no. Like, we were those kids. Like, everybody does. If you could have it handed to you when you're, you know, 18, like you you would if somebody could just be like, "Here's your masters and all the information you would have learned in college and and a degree and blah blah." you'd be like, "All right, cool. Yeah, I'll take it." But it's like, it's the experience, man. Like, you got to put in the work. You have to earn it. You have to make it your life. Um, the first thing I'll say is before honestly really moving on to anything else in your life as far as uh any passion. So, if we're talking about music, let's use that as an example, but at the end of the day, we're talking about creativity, we're talking about life, we're talking about dreams and goals, right? So, um, utterly commit yourself to this one thing before moving on. So, I've been doing music for 17 years and it's only now that I am moving on to film um and different things like that while still doing music because I love it because I'm an addict. Um and what I would say is like make it your everything. Like don't be and I'm still a student. I I think I know a lot about hip-hop and music in general, but it's like dude, I'm still learning all the time. Uh when I was younger, here's another piece of advice. When I was younger, people would say things like, "Oh yeah, you know, uh when Sugar Hill Gang did, you know, blah blah blah blah blah." And I'd be like, "Yeah, mhm. Yeah." But I wouldn't know what the [ __ ] they're talking about. I was scared because also when you're a kid and you don't know something, you don't know the newest thing in pop culture or you didn't see a movie and all your friends are talking about it and they're like, "Oh, you [ __ ] idiot. You don't know about" and it's like this thing that's kind of ingrained in us. Um, no. Ask questions because it is better to ask a question and learn and learn something. Like only an [ __ ] is going to make you feel bad about asking a question and learning something that you didn't know. And let's be honest, if it's an [ __ ] who's trying to teach you the lesson, well, [ __ ] that guy. Like, you don't even want to be around this person. You want to be around someone you can ask. And I did my best to surround myself by um by people like that. Um everything like literally make it your everything. I would wake up and think of raps and ideas. I would wake up and record. I mean there was a point in time when I was doing five songs a day. Minimum minimum five songs a day. Now they probably weren't that good. [laughter] You know what I mean? But it's like I was doing it to learn cadence, to learn style, to learn, you know, even just the flow. I mean, think it's it's such a a a poetry. I'm trying to think of like a rap. I don't even know what's uh how does um [ __ ] whatchamacallit go. Um I have so many songs I have to ask other people. I'm sorry. Uh growing pains for how does that start? I live by Oh, here we go. Um I live by the beat. I die by the beat. Um since 1990, I live by the beat. I die by the beat like MPC Akai who I name William after cuz I get bills from these beats. Um so that right there right is is extremely intricate and and what I'm saying. So I live by the beat I die by the beat like 1990 ah live by the beat I die by the beat like NPC Aka who I name William after cuz I get bills from these beats. [ __ ] the industry you know we keeping it real up in these streets. Came up in a room that's uh came up in the world that's office access. All that's promised death and taxes don't give a [ __ ] who be running the fastest. my anxiety make me spit it my eliminated I'm sucking the clinic like Flynn Montgomery take a step back tell me right now boy just what's your summary creeping through fireside like so that whole thing there's a million things in there I'm talking about the main character Flynn Montgomery who feels like he's stuck stuck in this um this mental loop and how that was actually me I live by the beat I die by the beat since 1990i what that means immediately out the gate is I live by the beat like I live on this beat that I'm rapping on uh but also I live by the beat of my heart since 1990 which is the year that I was born I live by the beat I die by the beat like MPC Akai I'm surrounded by MPCs um which are drum machines which make beats which I also named the uh one of the main protagonist characters of my second album the incredible true story uh which is about two gentlemen who are looking for a planet called paradise in the year 215 and it's this whole [ __ ] thing but one of The characters names is William Kai and I named him Kai after the Akai MPC and also the play of words. I live by the beat I die by the beat like MPC Akai who I named William after because I get bills from these beats. Bill is short for William. So then I'm talking about bills as far as money and this and this and D and whatever. Now I'm not sitting here trying to suck my own dick. I'm just saying I do what I do and I do it very well. And that's one example of it. The only reason I do what I do so well is because I made it my life. I have studied everyone who came before me. And I didn't just study uh you know the Nazis and the and the uh KRS1s and the Big Daddy Canes and Rock Kims and Wuang Clans and Most Deaths and I mean I could go on and on. I studied poetry. I studied the dictionary. I studied the thesaurus. I studied these books on anatomy that my mother had. So I understood corateed artery and what goes into the brain and neuro and and and and uh uh uh um the uh just our entire system and literally where organs are in the body. So, it's like if I wanted to do some play on words about a hit uh or or how that would spread through your system like a disease or this or that, how long would it take? How this other? I soaked up every piece of information that I could so that I could be better at what I wanted to do. And if you are not prepared to wake up every day to in many ways, you know, kind of like [ __ ] your life up, you know, turn down dates and hanging out with friends and all these things, then don't do it, you know. But I think if you uh as an artist, creative, whatever it is that you want to do, but I'm talking to a musician right now, let's say, if you really want it, just do it. It's that simple. just do it and make it your life. Um, it's funny because me saying this now kind of wants to tell the kid version of me like, "Dude, go outside." Like, you know what I mean? Like, get a friend. Like, what are you doing, you know? Like, you're scared of the world. Go walk around. Like, you know, do your thing. Um, but the fact of the matter is is that's [ __ ] Anybody who's a genius at what they do or amazing at what they do has sacrificed a large part of their social life, emotional life, mental health, honestly to reach that level. And if you want it and you do it right, it can be worth it. It can. So it's just if you want that life or not. Let me ask, was it worth it? [ __ ] yeah, man. It was worth it. It wouldn't have been if I killed myself, which is something I think I would have done if I did not have that God or common sense just a few years ago to go stop. I was in bed with my wife the other night. I haven't told anybody this. I don't even think I told you this, Tony. Crying. I was crying. I haven't cried. Well, first of all, I cry all the time. Mainly to film. And my wife will tell you, "Dude, I'm I'm crying to like Oen Ishi E getting her head cut off and Kill Bill just because the cinematography is so beautiful and lines up in incredible sync with like the score at the like I'm a I'm a weirdo. Like I just love movies. So it's it doesn't even have to be like I don't know something sad. It's weird. But anyway, uh I was laying in bed and I was crying because I realized that my career is over. And you could say, "Well, what do you mean?" [clears throat] I I I don't necessarily know that I would put it that way. It makes more sense for me to say it that way in my head. But this Logic guy, you know, with all these platinum records and uh accomplishments and all this [ __ ] Um I don't want to be that anymore. And that doesn't mean that I won't make music and it won't go platinum. It probably [ __ ] will. I hope it does, you know. But I refuse to chase it. I refuse to uh do so many push-ups in the morning I pull a pictorial muscle. I refuse to go on tour um and be completely utterly unhappy and depressed on stage. I refuse to look at other rappers young rappers younger than me who may be more hot in the moment and be jealous and envious and made to feel as though I'm not good enough. I refuse to do that. And also um I look at the fact that I've made more money than I could have ever dreamed of making and uh more success than I could have ever had. and I realized I'm I did it and I don't want to keep playing that game. And when I saw that in my head, I realized, oh my god, it was very emotional because I was like, that's it. It's over. Like, it's over. Everything I spent, every moment, every minute that I spent telling that kid who was just listening to me like to do all those things, I got there, you know, however many years later. And it was worth it. Sorry, I know that's where we were, but it was worth it up until that moment. And then I had to say goodbye and know that I might not be the most relevant and I might not have the number one hit smash across the world anymore or this or that, but I don't want to because I want to be there for my son and my wife and I want to do different things now. So I met I'm at this juncture in the road. I'm at a I'm at this c, you know, this this crossroad, fork in the road, and there's millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars in a box to the left. And there's millions of dollars on a road to the right. And that road that I can walk has the most beautiful view. And I get to take my time walking down that road. And that's the road I chose rather than this [ __ ] highway of like insane go get the money, get the money. People in your head, you know, this this might not last. You know, you got to get it. You got to get it. And now I'm just 31. Like I'm young. I got a whole life ahead of me. And I'm going to focus on the things that make me happy and that's all that matters. And it's not numbers. And it's not number ones and this and that. Those are bonuses for sure. But to create music, to create art based on trying to be the most popular and and play that game, I'm through. And I had the craziest cry because I was like, "Oh my god, it's everything I ever wanted." And I did it a couple years ago. And I'm only really realizing this now. Okay. All right. [ __ ] yeah. Let's watch Friends. [laughter] You know what I mean? Bobby, that is uh an amazing place to end. Where can people follow you on this next phase of your journey? All I care about if you want to follow me is follow me. Follow my work. Don't follow what I post. Remember my name, Bobby Hall, Logic, whatever you want to call me. And I hope that um that you'll know my heart and soul is is in everything that I uh that I create and that um that I hope you'll follow me on this next chapter of my life as a creative man and uh and enjoy it or not, but just follow me. And the book is This Bright Future, correct? Yeah, this bright future September 7th, which is probably today. [laughter] And um yeah, it's it's a story on my of my life and and I wrote it from my heart and I hope you enjoy it and um yeah, we're already start starting to talk about the biopic. It's going to be crazy. That is having read the book that is going to be crazy. That'd be amazing, dude. I am super excited to watch you as you go into this next phase. You're an extraordinary creative. You work your ass off to get good at what you do. And so seeing how young you are at this point in your career and that you've got so many creative years ahead of you be very interesting to see what you do um now that you know it's about the art more than it is about the recognition. So very very exciting time. I just I'm going to interrupt you dude and I'm just want to say this is one of the best interviews I've ever done for real. Um I care that you took the time. I care that you have incredible questions. I love that your audience represents you. Um, and I am extremely honored to be here. So, thank you so much for being here. It really was great. Guys, the book is phenomenal on how Hey, hey, hey. I just wanted to say yes. You have a nice smile. Well, that's very kind. I'm kidding. You said I can interrupt. You look. [laughter] Okay, do your thing. Do your thing. I'm sorry. Thank you. All right. The book is amazing, guys. You will love it. I promise. It's really a pretty crazy journey that will blow your mind. And speaking of things that will blow your mind if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Peace. Going to Haiti after the earthquake. [music] Man, a lot of courage, man. It took me. Trust me, I'm that true MC after the earthquake. I landed in Haiti. My life started out in a small village. I ate dirt from the floor. Homie, no kidding. [music] I ain't had no kitchen. Grandma said, "Pray to Christ." This Jesus baby barely had a bag of rice.