Video summary
Dr. Peter Attia addresses the pervasive issue of negative self-talk, describing it often as an internal "Bobby Knight" that constantly scolds individuals for falling short of their high standards. He argues against the common myth that one must berate themselves to achieve peak performance or leave a mark on the world, noting instead that many great coaches extract remarkable results from athletes without resorting to constant criticism. Attia emphasizes the critical distinction between criticizing a specific negative behavior or outcome and attacking one's fundamental self-worth; for instance, stating "I didn't do X" is fundamentally different from declaring "I am worthless because I didn't do X." He posits that this internal tormentor creates rage downstream, which then manifests in various destructive ways if left unchecked. To combat these harmful patterns, Attia shares a personal experiment he undertook roughly four years ago to reprogram his inner voice after more than forty years of negative habits. His method involved audibly recording memos on his phone every time he felt the urge to curse himself for a mistake, such as shooting poorly with an arrow or burning a steak while distracted. Instead of engaging in self-loathing, he would read these recordings aloud, imagining they were messages from him to a friend who had committed the same error. In these hypothetical conversations, he practiced gentleness and empathy, attributing failures to external factors like wind conditions or distraction rather than personal inadequacy, effectively treating himself with the kindness one would offer a brother in his house. The results of this deliberate practice were profound, serving as what Attia considers the single greatest example of neuroplasticity he has ever witnessed. After three to five times daily for four to six months, the volume of his internal critic dropped significantly until it was no longer audible at all. He notes that while anger can still occur—such as when struggling with a difficult F1 circuit in a simulator—the duration and intensity are now drastically reduced compared to the past. Previously, such frustration would linger for hours or even days, leaking into every subsequent action; now, within sixty seconds of stepping away from the source of irritation, the emotion dissipates completely because he does not indulge in the narrative that "you suck." Attia attributes this transformation largely to the act of speaking aloud and creating distance between his critical thoughts and his identity. Although he admits he did not fully understand the neurobiological mechanisms behind why it worked initially, believing at first that changing one's height or abilities through thought was impossible just as immutable traits are fixed, the experiment proved otherwise. He suggests that while his case might seem extreme due to the severity of his previous inner voice, others with less intense self-criticism could likely achieve similar improvements by following a comparable path of rewiring their minds. The core lesson remains that high standards and firmness do not require whipping oneself into submission; rather, true performance flourishes when individuals can separate their actions from their identity and treat themselves with compassion during inevitable failures.
Read the full video transcript
one of the things that I really
appreciated about you was your openness
you've spoken about this a number of
times your openness about your own uh
sometimes negative castigating inner
monologue it's something that I'm
incredibly familiar with as well myself
what would you say to the people who
have poor selft talk a scolding in a
voice that reminds them of how they fell
short way too often what have you
learned about dealing with that and also
about balancing that with your
high standards for yourself about
wanting to make a mark in the world but
also needing to be able to give yourself
self-love yeah it's an interesting
question
um I don't know that I could provide
generic advice on the topic because it
probably depends on where the person is
in pain right now so I know that for
me the message the the reason I was
willing to engage
in the discussion around changing the
behavior was because the output of it
was was was made clear to me right so
once I recognized the link between my
selft talk and my rage and I fully
accepted the fact that I wanted to rid
myself of Rage then I accepted the fact
that I had to go and fix the selft talk
so my guess is the only way to really
try to convince somebody that um you're
having an inner Bobby Knight which is
what my guy was having an inner Bobby
Knight that screams at you all the time
is harmful is by helping them understand
a clear path between how that behavior
links to something that is hurting them
in another way that is more obvious and
I I think if you can't do that it's
probably a little too abstract to just
say you know you should be nicer to
yourself I listened on recommendation
from a friend to a 20year old nearly
20-y old Tony Robbins awaken the giant
within workbook on Audible it's about an
hour and a half and I never read the
original book and in it he talks about
pain Pleasure Principle and he talks
about bringing with decisions that you
want to make or with habits that you
want to change bringing as much pain to
bear look at what this has cost me in
the past look at what this is costing me
now think about what this will cost me
in the future and then turn that up to a
thousand so my friend wanted to stop
biting his s so he thought about all of
the times in the past that girls had
sort of made an icky sort of move when
he put his hands on and they'd seen them
and how ashamed he felt about it at the
time and about how this was going to
hold him back in the future and how it
made him feel like a juvenile and it was
immature and then he went online to turn
it up to a thousand and he looked at the
worst photos that he could find of
people that had bitten their nail these
awful you know like bloody stumps of
fingers uh and then he thought about the
opposite he thought about how much
pleasure could I bring to this how proud
I would be if I'd overcome this thing
that I'd done for 20 years about how
much more attractive I would feel about
how much more confident I would feel
when I shake someone's hand or I put my
hand on my girlfriend's leg and these
sorts of things and uh I have to say
it's incredibly powerful like to do that
to bring to bear and what you're talking
about
is there is a inner Tormentor that kind
of does a thing but it's all inside of
your head and it's Upstream from some
things that actually manifest that you
can kind of hold on to and do a thing so
how do you get how do you get back up
and how do you point the finger at
what's actually going on well you bring
to be so much of what's happening in the
real world but yeah it's I think this is
one of the most common issues especially
people that listen to this sort of a
podcast you know they're high Achievers
they want to do things they want to
leave a mark on the world want to
improve themselves but so much of that
comes from like whipping themselves into
submission all the time I'm going to
castigate myself until I I like bow
under the strain of how much torment
I've given to myself and but
as you know it there's a real myth that
you have to do that to perform well
right um and and the myth is that you
know there are plenty of great coaches
who extract remarkable performance from
their athletes without that behavior so
and it doesn't mean you're not firm and
it doesn't mean you don't have high
standards and it doesn't mean that if
the team absolutely shits the bed and
doesn't show up that the coach isn't
going to let them have it but that's you
know that's very different from the
constant berating and also I I think
there's just a real difference in terms
of um you know differentiating kind of
um a negative behavior or a negative
outcome from the individual themsel is
the is the is the problem right so so
it's one thing to say I don't like that
I wasn't able to do X Y and Z that's a
different statement from I am a
worthless person because I didn't do
comment on my my selfworth on how much
respect I am owed by the world okay so
take me
through how you reprogrammed that selft
talk I understand that you can have this
thing the rage is Downstream from the
whatever but what what did that look
like what did going in and factchecking
your uh very Stern in a voice look like
uh it was a it was actually a very
deliberate set of actions cuz I think
you have to do actions and the easiest
way to reprogram is through voice so uh
I think you have to audibly reprogram a
system I don't think thoughts are enough
and so uh the exercise that I
undertook uh about four years ago to
reverse a pattern of behavior that was
in place for more than 40 years was to
every single time I had a moment of
self uh what was about to amount in a
sort of self cursing um situation I
would I was I was instructed to take out
my phone and record audibly a a a
description of what I would say to a
friend had they just committed the same
quote unquote egregious act okay so
example would be if I'm shooting my bow
and arrow and I'm really doing a lousy
job of it instead of jumping into
self-loathing I would take out my phone
and record a memo speaking but not to
myself but to my friend you know like if
it was you what if you had just shot as
poorly as I did what would I say to you
and it I would I would be much more
gentle what what were the sort of things
that you would say be it would be you
know and again you have to understand
how strained some of these discussions
are CU in the moment you're so angry y
right it would be uh hey Chris I know
you just finished trying to shoot today
and it it just didn't go well at all um
you weren't able to accomplish any of
the things you wanted to
accomplish I I know it's frustrating um
I think you just have to accept a couple
of things one is um you're probably a
little distracted today if you're being
honest with yourself um because you have
a lot on your mind and you know
truthfully it's a little windy today and
I I think it's just hard for those
arrows to fly straight when the wind is
blowing at 10 m an hour um and you know
as you know from pre previous
experiences like tomorrow will be a new
day like you're going to come out here
and do this again tomorrow and it'll be
better and we're just going to go back
to process and we're going to get it
right and we're going to we're going to
do a couple of drills tomorrow to
instill that that was it you know it
might be a one minute little voice memo
I'd send that to my therapist and then I
don't know five hours later something
else would come up that would piss me
off I'd burn a steak or something cuz I
turn you know I got I got distracted and
left the barbecue and and inside I'd
want to immediately eviscerate myself
but instead I would pull it out and
pretend that it was my brother who had
just burned the steak and what would I
say to him if we were at his house and
he had just burned the steak how would I
make him feel better about it while
acknowledging that it sucks we don't
have dinner tonight you know and and I
would do that and after four to 6 months
of doing this I don't know three to five
times a day hey lo and behold I couldn't
hear Bobby Knight talk anymore wow so it
can it really turned the volume down it
is in my life the single greatest
example of neuroplasticity that I have
ever witnessed and how old are you how
old were you when you were doing this
I'm 51 now so
47 dude that's wild yeah you wouldn't
think it could
change I think especially when you're
talking talking about selft talk it is
the internal physics of your system it
literally is the texture through which
you interact with your own mind and it's
the fish underwater thing like you just
yeah you don't know that it could be
different and to think that it's as
malleable as that and how sticky has
that been do you need to drop you having
to go back and do this or is no i' I've
never had to go back and do it and I've
never heard the voice again now I want
to be clear this doesn't mean I don't
get angry what it means is a the
frequency with which I get angry is a
fraction of what it used to be the um
and the duration or the blast radius is
much narrower so the last time I got
really pissed at myself or pissed at my
inability to do something was I was in
the simulator I'm trying to learn I'm
trying to learn a new F1 circuit in the
simulator and um for whatever reason
there are certain tracks that are just
very hard Silverstone is a very hard
track to drive uh it's very hard to put
a perfect together and it just really
gets under your skin and so is IMA so
Ima is a circuit I'm learning right now
like learning in great detail right like
I want to come up with a really cracking
time on emila and I was down in the
simulator and I was going through it and
I just couldn't nail the last the second
and third last corners and I would have
these epic flying laps and then I would
absolutely [ __ ] the bed in this corner
and either off track spin or just lose
so much time that I couldn't put a lap
together and you know after I don't know
an hour of this I just got super
frustrated got out of the simulator and
was like absolutely ripping pissed off
but because I didn't indulge in any
selft talk it wasn't like you suck how
can you not do this which is exactly
what that voice would have said in the
past it was just oh I am so pissed that
I am not able to do this right now like
I'm going to come and do it tomorrow and
by the time I got from my simulator room
upstairs I had forgotten about it and
that's the difference whereas before
that would have stayed with me and I I'm
embarrassed to say this it would have
stayed with me for the rest of the day I
would not have been able to shed that
anger for the rest of the day and it
would have leaked into everything I did
uh whereas now in 60 seconds I it's not
that I didn't remember it happened it
just the emotion of it was had
dissipated already so I can imagine
there's a number of people whose inner
voice perhaps isn't as uh pharmaceutical
grade as yours was or weapons grade
maybe um but presumably that means that
if they were to go through a period of
this rewiring that dose could be less
intensity would be less difficulty would
be less like if your patient zero for
having a really really bad inner voice
that means that people who just want to
make it a little bit better because it's
a bit bad should be able to get there
have you got any idea what what was
happening when you going through like
what is it about speaking to the friend
what is it about that increase of
distance what is it about the saying it
out loud and yeah you know I've never
really I've never really thought about
what's happening from a from a
neurobiological perspective it would be
it would be an interesting discussion to
to have with someone who's smarter than
I am um and or at least understands that
more but it is again I I I didn't do
this because I thought it would work I
really was
like kind of a dumb idea there's no way
this is going to work and I'm going to
just be doing this for the rest of my
life and maybe the fact that I have to
do this for the rest of my life is the
Penance like for for my sins but I was
like it can't work like again I just
thought like it it's so ridiculous that
I'm going to do this because like you
don't what is the next thing you're
going to tell me I can be a foot taller
if I think about it every day like if I
talk to myself I'm going to make myself
taller like I I thought that this trait
was as immutable as a physical trait Y
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