She Lost Her Husband… Then Discovered Joy She Never Expected | Unscripted Faith

We have a powerful conversation ahead. When grief walks into your life, which it does for all of us, it doesn't just take someone you love. It changes everything. After losing her husband to cancer, Dr. Jerry Woodbridge found herself navigating the unimaginable pain of loss. But through her own journey of grief, God began turning her pain into purpose. Dr. Jerry, welcome to Unscripted Faith. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. >> We are honored to have you. You have such a powerful story and I want to get into all the intricacies of it. So, take me back first to how you were raised and how you met Jesus. >> I I met Jesus at an early age. My both my grandparents were um were the kind that would take you to church. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> And so my mom was a a single parent as well during that time. And I remember when I was about six years old, I had my tonsils removed. >> Okay. >> And when I had my tonsils removed, then uh I remember waking up in that sterile environment, surgery, it was all kind of cold or whatever, and then they put me back under. But when I went home to recover, you know, in my grandparents house, I woke up that morning or in the middle of the night and all of a sudden there was blood everywhere. And so apparently the stitches had come open [sighs] and I freaked my grandparents out, I'm sure. And they quickly drove me back to to the hospital. And they had their pastor come and visit me in the hospital. And I just told him, I said, "Look, God's already saved me. He's already saved my life. So So when are you gonna baptize me?" And I bugged him for four years until he finally said, "Okay, I'll baptize you." >> He's [laughter] amazing. I love that you're like, "You don't need to come here to consult, counsel me. I got Jesus. Now, when you going to do your part of baptizing?" >> That's right. That's right. >> So, you grew up a believer knowing the Lord. How did you end up meeting your husband? And share with us your story. >> Okay. Um, we actually went to the same college, but he was uh four years older than me. Okay. >> So, the um when he was a senior, I guess I came in as a sophomore. >> Okay. >> And I met his uh his sister-in-law because I did a pre-intership with um preschoolers and she was over that >> and I remember seeing her husband come in and he was a he was a professor but he was also a runner. Um he ran marathons and things like that. So, I remember briefly meeting them, but when I graduated, I went back to Jacksonville, Florida, and I started my first teaching job um for Christian Heritage Academy. >> Okay. >> And so that's where we met. He was in the singles uh group as well. And I knew ahead of time that we were going to eventually um get together because the Lord told me that I had met my husband. Wow, that's amazing. >> So, it took him a little bit longer to figure it out, but he did. [laughter] >> Well, most us women typically figure things out a little bit quicker than our men. We love you guys, but sometimes we're we get the ahead of the curve a little bit. >> Yeah, exactly. >> So, you were married and how long were you married and what happened with your husband? >> Um, we were married 18 and a half years. >> Okay. >> So, we got married in December. >> Okay. And so we had kind of like a Christmas wedding and he went well he supported me. I got my doctorate. >> Okay. A doctorate in >> education. >> Education. Okay. >> And um he was able to go with me to a conference because it was a roundt presentation. So he got to sit in on it. And he told me afterwards he goes, "That's the first time I understood what you were doing. >> [laughter] >> Wow. That's the entire time. And then we went home. And when we went home, he went out one Saturday to mow the grass. And he came in. He goes, "I don't feel real well. I'm going to lay down." And I'm like, "Okay." And then Sunday came and he's like, "I I can't go to church. I I just don't feel well." And that's, you know, he was raised as a Nazarene pastor's kid. >> Okay. So he, you know, that was very unusual for him to miss church. And then he called me in. He goes, "Call 911 in Sunday evening." So I did. And as they were wheeling him out on the gurnie, I I looked at the paramedics, the EMTs, and I said, "Um, his dad has had colon cancer several times." And he looked at me like, "Why are you telling him that?" >> So, wow. >> He had surgery on Monday. to remove a huge tumor that was blocking his colon. So that's why he was feeling so bad. And so it took a few days for us to get results. On Thursday, we were told that he was diagnosed with colon cancer. And basically they told us what would be next. You know, for treatment, he had to get well enough to be out of the hospital for a month and then we could do treatment. Um on Friday, the next day, you know, around noon, he um his kidneys had started backing up. So, organ failure and he went into cardiac arrest and he passed away. So, we found the diagnosis on Thursday and then Friday he died. So, I'm having to call my kids and say, you know, are not them directly, but the people that were kind of helping to take care of them. And I said, I need you to bring the kids to the hospital. >> Oh my word. Now, how old were your children at the time? >> My son was 12 and my daughter was 16. >> Oh my gosh. I cannot imagine the shock of that moment because you're still one, right? This healthy man is suddenly going to the hospital via ambulance. You're like, "Okay, what is happening?" Then you find out, "Oh, he has to have surgery." I mean, >> right. >> And then he was gone. Like, I mean, well, no. Then you get the cancer diagnosis and have literally maybe 24 hours, if that, even to process that. Not even. >> Right. >> And he's gone. I mean, what did you do in those hours that followed? >> Well, my mom happened to be out in the waiting room, so I went and told her first. Um, so yeah, it was very surreal, very uh, okay, I got to take care of the kids. >> Yes. And what did that look like taking care of the kids? Because at that age at 16 and 12, they have a good understanding of what this means. Not fully, of course, because they're still children, right? >> So, what did that look like for you? >> Shock. >> I mean, everybody was shocked. >> Yeah. So, and you know this was the person that the Lord had brought into my life course you know to to be my soulmate, my helpmate and my support system and you know then suddenly he's gone. >> So, >> and is in that season so your husband and you was was he working you working outside the home and he was working outside the home or what did the dynamics of the family look like? Well, yeah, good good [laughter] question. Um, he he was definitely working um outside the home and um I had started to teach online. >> Okay. Okay. >> So, you know, I just started, you know, adjuncting at University of Phoenix. Yes. >> Um that was my first uh teaching job and you know, as far as in higher education. >> Yes. So, >> so what did the aftermath look like? Okay, obviously this ridiculous loss, huge loss. Um, but as as you all begin to move forward in life, not necessarily from the pain or the suffering of it, >> right? >> What did that look like through your eyes and what did it look like through your children's eyes? I think the first year we all tried to be stable. >> Okay. >> And and mom found projects to work on which was like, you know, the house and >> okay, >> you know, things like that. You know, we we tried our pet therapy. we adopt as some animals and you know just to provide comfort and you know tried to keep things stable because I was also helping to start a school and um you know and it wasn't going to be a paid >> paid gig but um after the you know the first year of helping with the school I said I really need to get a paying job. >> Yeah. So that's when I began uh I received a job at Indiana. >> Okay. >> Wesleian. So I was in Marian Indiana. And so that second year we were transitioning. So we were you know bought a new house, had a new job, all those things to focus on. >> Yes. >> Year three said, "You're not ignoring me any longer." M >> and so I started doing a lot of journaling during that time because you know >> where do you go with it? >> Yeah. >> And you know so what do you what do you do with your pain? Well you know if you're honest >> write that [laughter] part >> if you're you can be honest when you journal. >> Yes. And and then I was like, okay, you know, um all those feelings of of grief and some of it's anger and some of it's >> confusion and it's like, you know, we were doing every we thought we were doing everything right. >> Yes. >> And you know, and then this happens. >> So I had to study scripture to, you know, I had a concordance and I'm looking up widow. I said, Lord, I need to know who am I in your eyes? >> Wow. So who is the widow? Well, and who you know what is my relationship with the Lord? Well, the Lord will provide. He will protect. >> Yes. >> He will make sure that the widow's boundaries are intact. >> Yes. >> So after understanding that then I had a lot more uh peaceful contentment, you know, I could start living again, start >> Yes. Because a lot of times when we lose a loved one, you know, we're kind of like wanting to memorialize them some way. >> Absolutely. >> Through our suffering. >> Absolutely. [laughter] Absolutely. >> And it's like um okay, that that works for a while, but then I have to become the new person. >> Yes. >> Because grief does change you. >> Yes. Absolutely. Well, I love that you said that you had you had to find a place of journaling, right? To be honest, because a lot of times in that grief, in pain, when we have those questions of God, where were you? >> How could this happen? Like, I am so disappointed. I thought you were, you know, when all of that comes at us, we need a place to release it. And I love that you found journaling in that space. You made a comment and you said, um, we had done everything right. Was there a part of you and I would ask the same thing for your children that you thought God why are you punishing us? >> Oh yeah. Because it you know I mean it's hard. I mean grief is hard and >> nobody experiences it the same >> because it's usually based on the type of relationship you had with that person. >> Yes. So, you know, there were three of us that were grieving >> and my daughter was grieving the loss of her dad, which is her safety and her security. >> Yes. >> And you know, he taught her to drive. Thank you, Lord. [laughter] And then then my son um he lost his best friend, his role model. um you know he you know he he had a lot of anger um with with losing his dad and you know the backstory behind our relationship with my son is we adopted him at birth. >> So you know we were the only parents that he knew. >> Yes. >> And you know my thing is he had 12 years with his dad. >> Wow. And I can see that that made a difference because now he has two sons. So my grandsons, Atlas and Titan. And I see how he fathers them. >> Wow. >> And I see my husband. >> Wow. [laughter] What a beautiful legacy. It It's It's truly remarkable like to your point how your perspective has been able to flip. It's been able to see the good, the God in these moments where some may sit and say he only got 12 years. You say he got 12 years with him and it formed him and made him into the father he is today. So you said your son had anger and that I'm sure showed up in many ways. Your daughter lost a sense of security. So what did that look like for her? What did kind of her maybe reeling or grieving look like in that season? Well, I think I mentioned backstage that six months afterwards we both started ballroom dancing. >> Yes. >> Tell us about that. Tell us that story because it's such a good story. >> It I kept driving past the Arthur Murray dance studio and my daughter happened to be in the car one time and I just got the courage and I said, "Okay, you know, let let's go in and check this out. Let's go see what it's all about." And we uh Ahmed was the owner and the lead dancer apparently and he was Egyptian so he had the gift of hospitality. Yes. >> So as soon as you walk in it's like hey [laughter] you know it it is kind of like a a dance version of cheers. >> Yes. [laughter] where um and he would he would always make sure if somebody knew Kane, he would introduce you to them >> because you know we would have the practice dances >> of course. >> And what I didn't realized I needed was a new social connection that only knew they only knew me as Jerry. >> Wow, that's profound, Jerry. That is very profound. And then I love music and you know moving you know when you feel stuck you need to move right. >> Yes. >> And and I needed to learn something new. >> So I was able to do all of this. So the music was healing. I was able to on the one-year anniversary um you know dedicate a a dance to my husband. >> Wow. And >> so that's interesting and it's so profound that you said you needed a community that just knew Jerry. So, was it kind of this space where you didn't have to give explanation for what you were going through or was it a place where you got to kind of rediscover who you were as an individual? >> I think that >> the last one, the the individual um because people could get to know me and not get to know that I was half of a whole. >> Yes. [laughter] Okay, that makes sense. >> You know, so they got to see me as a whole. >> Yes. and they got to meet me as the mother of my daughter, Julie. >> I love that. And I love that you did ballroom dancing. I mean, first of all, I'm a dancer. I danced all of my life. Danced in college. And then, in fact, my husband and I at our wedding, we went to Arthur Murray prior to learned to dance and did it for the folks that were there and for each other. It was it was spicy. It was a salsa, you know. >> It was great. But I love that you found that and through that you had mentioned um earlier off camerara that your daughter actually found a new passion for competitive dance. >> Right. And I think that helped her through >> um the depression aspect of grief. >> Yes. >> Because it gave her something new to learn. >> She could move. She loves music. >> She um she did ballroom dancing instructor for a while. >> Wow. And you know, so and it's still very much a part of her life. >> Yes. She found life. When you're saying new, I hear she found life. And and we can find life in the new things, discover new things. >> What a beautiful, beautiful story. I want to get more into what you're doing now with that pain and how it's turned into process. Hey friend, if this conversation is encouraging you, consider donating to Cornerstone TV [music] to make these programs possible. You can do that at ctvn.org/donate. Dr. Jerry, share with me, how did you help your daughter and your son? How do you help children when you're going through your own heartbreak? >> That's a great question because I had to go through my own grief experience. >> Yes. And I saw how my children were reacting. >> And sometimes the the the other parent can help and sometimes we can't. >> Yeah. >> Sometimes the children need somebody else >> um to share. For example, my son needed another man >> makes sense >> in his life. So, um, you know, he he went back to Jacksonville for a few years to live with his best friend's family. And I think why that was so important was he got to be in a familiar setting >> and he was able to still have a pseudo father. >> That makes sense, >> right? >> Yes. Yes. So, you know, a lot of people did not understand that decision, but things were really unraveling for my son emotionally. Um, he was starting to experiment with things and >> uh not enjoying school, all of these things. But I'm very proud of him >> because he knew what he needed. >> Yes. >> And you know, when your child says, "Look, Mom, I need to go back. I need to go back to Jacksonville." um you know and basically put it in terms like you know or your my blood is on your hands. >> Wow. >> So that was kind of shocking and I was like >> okay since you put it that way. >> Yeah. [laughter] And how old was he Cherry? >> He was about 15. >> About 15. So, what I'm hearing you say is as you're going through your own grief, >> right, >> your children begin to express and he actually gave language to what he felt he needed, >> right? >> And you listened, >> right? >> You listened to it. >> Yeah. I felt like I lost my son there for a few years because um he needed to find a way to grieve. >> Yes. >> In a safe area that was familiar to him and that he would have the support he needed. Yes. >> Through his best friend and through his dad and, you know, family that way. So, um, he found out that when he went back to public school that it wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. So, he decided, "Oh, I'm going to go get my GED and I'm going to go to the community college and get it that way." >> And he did. >> So, he did all of this on his own. >> He he started working. He bought his own little black truck. I mean, it was really something [laughter] something very loud. Yes. >> But, um, he was able to do all of that. And then, uh, the Christmas before he turned 18, you know, he said, "Mom, I want to come home." >> Okay. >> Um, we talked a lot because I was just trying to keep him out of trouble. >> Of course. [laughter] Of course. Yeah. No, truly. Yeah, that's true. you know, and um >> so we got our relationship back on track and then he decided that he would move back before he turned 18. >> That's wonderful. So, you now have a passion as a result of what you've gone through and helping your children go through it and through your journaling that has really helped to alleviate some of the pain. Give you words as you go through the process, help you to get out what needs to get out so God can heal it. You have found a deep and profound purpose in bringing that same healing and and journey for those who are going through grief by writing stories and by sharing those stories. And you've recently wrote wrote a book joy overcame sorrow. What a powerful statement. First of all, it does overcome sorrow. But share with us your passion. >> Yes. Um, actually I wanted to do a TEDex speech [laughter] about how ballroom dancing helped me move through grief. >> Yes. >> But you know these were a bunch of business women. They had products or services to sell. So they looked at me like what are you going to do? You're 50some or you're going to dance on stage. I'm like no I'm going to talk. You know >> it. So I started elaborating my role as a teacher. Okay. >> I said for example I'm the perfect teacher for a kid who's lost a loved one. >> Yes. And not that I'm perfect, but um I can see when loss when grief is taking a toll. >> Yes. >> And that it can affect memory and it can affect how they learn. >> Yes. >> So I gave the example of a fifth grade boy who had lost his dad two years prior. He's in my class. He's still grieving, >> you know, because we we can't really put a timeline on grief, but he's still grieving. And one of the assignments in our fifth grade is that they write a Tropicana speech. >> Okay. >> So, who's he gonna want to write a Tropicana speech on? >> His dad. >> So, I knew it was going to be hard for him. Yes. >> And it's kind of set up like, you know, you have a classroom competition, you have a school competition, you have regional, you have state. >> Yes. >> So, I knew it was going to be hard for him >> Yes. >> to get through that. But I also knew it was very important that he do it. >> Yes. >> So he did and yes, there were tears and there were tears among the audience and all all of this. So it was very much something he needed to do for his dad. >> Wow. >> So I'm sharing that with him and they're like, "Oh, well we think you should write a children's book on grief." Well, okay. I don't [laughter] I was just like, "Really?" So that idea just kind of stayed with me and I said, "Well, let me give it a try." >> It took me four and a half years because I didn't know what I didn't know. >> Of course, >> I didn't know how to write fiction. Um and by doing some research, I found what are other books that are out there. >> Yeah. >> You know, that that mention grief. >> Yes. >> Um for children that are fiction, have a relatable character >> like Bridge to Terabia. >> Yes. It has where the main character loses a friend. >> Yes. >> But it does not go into uh the grief journey. >> Yes. >> And so I'm like, okay, well, we need to talk about the grief journey. And then I noticed that the books often did not come from a child's point of view. >> So those are the two defining things that I do with books. >> Wow. is I write from the child's point of view and we take each character through >> uh at least the first year of the grief journey. >> Now these books are they were would an adult read them? Would a child read them? Who can read them? >> I think anybody can read them but >> but I know that's always a marketing question. >> Yeah. >> And I would say well my first purpose was writing for the for children. >> Yes. And then I found out that other children that had not lost loved ones could read it and learn empathy. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. >> And then I found, well, okay, >> who's going to buy the book? Because usually it's not a kid that says, "Oh, I'm going to pick up I'm going to pick up a book about grief." >> That's right. >> So, it's usually the caregivers, the parents, the um >> the educators, the chaplain, the, you know, the pe anybody who would help a child. is Dr. Jerry. I am so thankful you found this area to be able to speak to because you're like you to your point, a lot of people don't know what to say with those who are grieving. They don't know what it is to experience. Maybe they didn't lose their parents at a young age, but it needs to be discussed and they need help, companionship, community in the process. Dr. Jerry, thank you so much for coming by today to share your story and your passion with us. Thank you.