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She can't find out what I watch

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The video explores the complex intersection of race, sexuality, and cultural expectations through a series of personal questions addressed by the host. One viewer asks if it is appropriate to rekindle a connection with an ex-friend after two years of silence due to family pressure to marry within their South Asian community. The host advises that reaching out depends on whether the individual has first examined the roots of their family's beliefs, distinguishing between cultural understanding and internalized supremacy. If the person has clarified their right to love who they choose and resolved any capacity issues regarding reciprocity, then reconnecting with a friend is a valid step toward finding genuine connection rather than succumbing to external pressure. Another segment addresses the sensitive topic of hair extensions worn by Black women, where one partner accused the other of wearing them out of insecurity to resemble white friends. The host reframes this issue by celebrating the versatility and beauty of Black hair, noting that styles like wigs and weaves are choices made for fun and self-expression rather than grief or imitation. She encourages open dialogue with partners to educate them on how diverse hair textures can be enjoyed without judgment, emphasizing that wearing extensions is a celebration of one's ability to choose different looks rather than a sign of dissatisfaction with natural features. The discussion then shifts to the challenges faced by interracial couples, particularly regarding raising children in a predominantly white society. A Black woman married to a white man describes feeling anger over her partner's family's casual handling of racial issues and worries about the subtle ways white supremacy influences their young children. The host validates these concerns, explaining that while privilege allows some people to ignore daily struggles, marginalized individuals must constantly navigate microaggressions. She urges families to be intentional in their parenting, such as buying diverse dolls like Black Barbies and carefully selecting media, to ensure children grow up proud of their heritage without feeling less than others due to societal biases. Finally, the video tackles a hypothetical scenario where a partner discovers pornographic search history featuring women who do not look like her. The host explains that pornography often serves as a fantasy outlet for exploring various identities and desires in a safe, contained space, distinct from real-world relationship dynamics. She suggests that if the content is viewed out of curiosity or a desire to explore different realities rather than a rejection of the partner, it should be discussed openly to avoid trauma-based misunderstandings. The core message is that sex and intimacy are expansive topics deserving of deep conversation about humanity, power, and vulnerability, ensuring that such discoveries become opportunities for connection rather than sources of hurt or shock.
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I'm a black man dating a black queen, but daily I watch. I'm just prepping for the day that she finds out and I'm not going to know what to say. So Shan, I'm hoping that you have the words. Okay. Hey there lovers. So I'm answering your questions about sex, dating, and race. Wish me luck. But first, a message from [music] the sponsor of this episode, Squarespace. This video and heck, this whole channel is powered by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform that makes it easy for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you are just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy for you to build a stunning website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. Play around, see if you like it, and if you love what you built, go to squarespace.com/shambbouty because that's how you're going to get 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com/shan booty for 10% off. I'm South [music] Asian, Pakistani specifically, and my parents have made it clear that I'm supposed to marry within the community. I've internalized that so much that I sabotaged [music] a friendship with an amazing man because I sense he wanted more. That was 2 years ago, and I'm still single. Would it be weird to reach back [music] out to my friend to see if the flame is still there? Hex, yeah, it would be weird to reach back out to your friend if all you've done in the past 2 years is acknowledge that you're still single. Did you acknowledge why your family has those belief systems around who is worthy of your love and who is not? Where is that coming from? Is it coming from a sense of supremacy or is is it coming from a sense of cultural understanding? You got to figure that out first. And if you did figure that out because you had the conversations and you were able to come to an agreement around the beauty of love and your right to love, who you want to love, and also the problems of luring somebody into a loving relationship that you weren't capable of reciprocating because of the inherited beliefs that you got from your family. When my mom and dad got together, I am South Asian, black, and white. My dad is Indo-Caribbean from Guyana. My mom is half black, half white, black presenting. Long story short, when my dad brought my mom home, my grandma was horrified that he brought home a black woman. But my dad and his sisters had done the work and realizing how that was. Senseless, sensical. What? We should be coming together and loving together. There's no beef between you and I. We share this land. We share this culture. We eat from the same fruit tree. My dad and his sisters had done that work. And so when my grandma started acting out, they had already developed these rich diverse relationships elsewhere, all of them. And so when she was carrying on and she actually locked herself in a bathroom. One of my favorite stories. My grandma locked herself in her bathroom and she said, "If you marry that woman, I will kill myself." And her two daughters knocked right back. And you know what they said? "Yo, want rope or poison? When you're at that place?" Yes. Then you should reach back out to the guy. I'm a black woman who grew up in a mostly white suburb. I've worn hair [music] extensions for years because I look in the mirror and I like what I see. It's not that deep. But I'm seeing this black guy who flat out told me [music] that he thinks I wear my hair like this out of insecurity, trying to look like my white friends. It's like he's asking me to choose. [music] And now I don't know what either choice will say about me. Let's get one thing clear. You wear your hair and extensions in celebration of all that you can be, not in grief for what you're not. I was out the other day and I was looking at two black women. One had the most gorgeous full head of natural locks, blonde, red, brown, black, like every color sprouting from each diverse beautiful lock. And then they were sitting across from another black woman with bone straight hair. And I knew that that was both of those women's hair. Black hair is so diverse. It's so versatile. And I think it's fun to acknowledge and play with that. I think it can be quite sexy to play with that to like be able to live out the range. A teal bob. My grandma's 90 years old and she's got a a blonde little pixie. Or if you just want long, strong, bone straight hair, you could if you wanted to. So I think wigs and weaves are just ways of celebrating that. I think it's quite beautiful. And I think that can be a conversation, one to have with self and two, to have with this guy to give an education on that. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not wearing this because I don't love what I have. I'm wearing this because I love the fact that technically I could have this or I could have something else tomorrow. If I really did it to my hair, I probably couldn't because, you know, hair isn't all that resilient. But I could go in either direction comfortably. So, why not play the fact that maybe this day I can choose and that day I choose different? It's still me just voguing me. I'm a black and Filipino woman and I've been with my white husband for 8 years. I love our life, but since [music] having kids, something shifted. I'm suddenly furious about the things that I thought I made peace with. The way [music] his family talks about race or around race, the schools we're choosing, what our [music] kids will be told about themselves. I'm not questioning my marriage, but I am questioning whether I prepared myself for what [music] it actually means to build a family in a white family structure. >> [music] >> Did you prepare yourself? Obviously not. It's a shitty thing to have to be prepared for. Let's just be honest. It's just so fascinating. We just the things that we take for granted when we don't even have to think about them. And that's all of us. Some of us right now are not even thinking about hearing in our ears because we don't have to think about it. We're not hearing impaired. We don't have any struggles. So, we don't even have to think, you know, can I hear? or how's my hearing today? And that just trickles all the way down. And so when you are a white, able-bodied, heterosexual individual, the amount of that you just don't have to think about that other people do every single day, it's a big ass gap. Dude, that gap is so big. There's just so many small encounters you just completely take for granted that I have to go into fight or flight every single time. We're in the exact same room standing side by side. And your body is the river, a calm river, and mine's a raging waterfall. And you don't even know that about me. It's hard to explain. I don't even want to put that on you. I don't want you to have to go through the world like this. It sucks. It's so like I don't want to have to think that if you think I'm stupid just because I look like this or talk like this. I don't even want to have to have those thoughts. I don't want to. But I do. And now we're all in this together in a family, right? And we want these beautiful black and Asian children to know this part of themselves and be proud of it and not have to go through life feeling like they're less because of it because of all the thousands of micro ways that life has communicated that. If we all don't want that for them, the best shot we have, we got to be airtight here. this family. We have to be an oozing sea of black love, of Asian love. We have to not just be quiet about it because the world is being quiet about it. Literally, you don't hear about it. You don't see it constantly put in front of you. the ways in which I know my children have adopted white supremacist thoughts at the age of three because that's just subliminally what they see all day long. And I had to be very mindful about that as a parent. We can't watch all that content with this same person, always in the hero role, always the one who saves the day, the smart one, the interesting one, the funny one, the athletic one. We cannot watch that story over and over about the same kind of person, especially because you're not that kind of person. And the best thing that I can do for you is just give you different stimuli and make sure the family knows and they're in on it. And they compliment you specifically about the things they know the world is going to question you on. They give you love and praise and ammunition and that fundamental knowledge. And we all have to be in on this together mindfully. So family, I need you to be buying black Barbies for these children. that will be so meaningful to them and to me to us what we're trying to do. I need you to be mindful of the music and the movies and the things that you put in front of them and of the language that you're using because we all are on this same time, right? We want them to live the life that you live, right? Not having to think about it and go through life with that type of extra burden. And when everybody gets to that place, then we have a safer space too for everyone not just to think that, but for that to be the truth. that just takes a lot of effort. And so I think that you're right in acknowledging that this is the effort it's going to take. And I'm sorry that it took for you to be having children to acknowledge that because you needed this care all along. They had to have been doing this for you. They should have already been making these kinds of considerations for you, asking these kinds of questions. And I'm sorry that you exist in a space where they don't even think to do that because they don't necessarily have to tell their story again because it's always being told. So they just kind of assume that your story is their story, right? And they never really got curious about you. And so you kind of learned to maneuver along in this space that was too tight, too inconsiderate, too walled off for you to actually fully exist in. But you did it because there was love on the other side. And that's beautiful. And I'm not discounting that love at all. And maybe the two of you have this beautiful system where he understands your blackness and he understands you um in a different way. So, I I'm just acknowledging that that's what you've needed. You've always needed this discussion and now you're going to do it on behalf of your kids and it's going to be really helpful and healing for everyone involved. I'm a black man dating a black queen, but daily I watch POG, which stands for [music] perfect ass white girl. I'm just prepping for the day that she finds out and I'm not going to know what to say. So [music] Shan, I'm hoping that you have the words. Okay. Hypothetical day comes where they search your computer. Sounds like you're a clear history kind of porn watcher. So maybe they just searched it on a day that you were under the weather. You're off your game. They search your computer. They see your search history. They click video after video of you watching porn that centers the sexiness, desiraability, camera worthiness of an ass that is very different from hers. She sees this. She doesn't see herself reflected back in your porn consumption habits and she makes a deduction. Is my partner really attracted to me? Are they just doing what they think is right for others? Are they doing this out of pity? Do they even find people who look like me beautiful? Damn. Damn. So, this person's having that experience and you want to know what do you say next? You say sex is a place that you go where it's complete freedom to express the various identities, thoughts, conflicting emotions, curiosities that you have. Very expansive space. It's a representation of everything that could possibly happen in a moment. Screaming at the highest pitch or being dead silent and all that making sense. thrashing around violently or slowly crying in unison with someone else. The range of possibilities is so expansive and so some people's relationship to sex is an exploration of that expansiveness. But you can create containers that are healthy. You can create containers or just uh outlets for for each desire to have its space. Doesn't mean it has to be in the real world. So if you have an interest in white women because honestly you've never actually wanted a white partner, you have it. There's a level of humor. It's just culture, food, music, knowledge, understanding, experience, shared networks and communities and friends that you just get from a black woman that's amazing to you. so hot and she's so sexy to you and she's everything to you and so you don't really actually think about being with a white woman, you know, long term, but you wonder what it would be like and then you go through a period of time where you wonder a lot and it becomes kind of this weird thing that you do because you're like, I don't want this, but I I like this. And so you keep watching it just the same way that women, you know, escape to a fantasy world that depicts maybe the certain kind of male character. She doesn't want that guy more. It's just a different reality to play with. It's a different version of herself that she even gets to pretend to be in her head. She doesn't want to be that person in real life. But in this world, in this contained world, yeah, it's kind of fun to think of her with the 6'7, 11 in, two toilet paper roll thick dude. Like, that's kind of fun. And that brings out a different energy in her when she reads books and thinks of herself with that guy. She doesn't want to be that. She has this amazing life. She can't. That version doesn't make sense in this world. And this world is the best world. It's the best world. That's why I'm choosing to live in this one. I could do so many different things. I am making a billion choices each day which align me with this exact moment, this exact lifestyle. Sometimes we make those choices out of a place of trauma or confusion or repress repression or psychosis and that's true. But for most of us, we're in the life that we chose because this is who we choose to be. That's beautiful. You can play in your mind. That doesn't mean that you want to play in reality. This is the conversation that you have with your partner and then you affirm them and you say, "I actually think it sucks that we haven't had conversations like this before so that you didn't have to have this as your entry point cuz I wanted you to just to know from the jump that I just choose you in every possible iteration of what could be. I choose reality with you." But I I have experimental thoughts. Not because you want to do it, just because it's like there's a version of you that you could see in a different light that you're not you're not there. Why not? I'll play with that. I'll explore it. It's fun. It's the only place I get to do that. It's like it's kind of interesting. It lets me get to know myself more. Grounds me more in my reality or a million different other reasons. But I'm just saying that that conversation that allows you both to just acknowledge that um sex is big and wide and deserves a lot more conversation than what we have about it. I think we're we're deeply limited when we say talk about sex. Most people think protection. They think uh here's what I like, what I don't like. here's my boundaries and here's what sex toys I'm willing to purchase and what I'm willing to do on a Friday if I get really drunk. It's just so much more than that. It's humanity, fragility, power, submission, chaos, calm. It's like all those things. And so all those conversations deserve to go with it. And if it doesn't, and if you don't have those kinds of conversations, then things like this can be really hurtful and again a very shocking entry point into conversations like this. And whenever something starts with a traumatic base, that's a pretty bad starting line. So, you want to avoid that at all cost because it's a beautiful conversation to have, but you don't want to start it in an ugly way that has long-term impacts. popping in to show some love to the sponsor of this video, Squarespace. Now, if you guys have seen my latest website, you know that there are a lot of moving pieces, a lot of moving parts, which means a lot of money. Save yourself all of that. Get everything you need in one spot with Squarespace. You deserve to have a growing, thriving business that's not overly complicated. So, how do you do that? With Fluid Engine, the next generation website editor from Squarespace has never been easier for anyone to unlock unbreakable creativity. Choose your website starting point and customize every design detail with reimagined drag and drop technology. Squarespace blueprint AI and SEO tools. Start a completely personalized website with new guided design system Squarespace Blueprint. 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