Return to Recovery: Richie’s Story Part 2 ❤️

Welcome back to another edition of the comeback. Craig Carton with you and happy to have a fellow gambler in recovery. Uh Richie joins us this morning. Richie, good morning. How you doing, pal? >> Good morning, Craig. Doing well. Yourself? >> Good. I appreciate you spending a few minutes sharing your story with us. Uh, when was the date of your last wager? >> Uh, July 13th of 2026. >> All right. So, uh, fresh out it again. Yeah, >> fresh at it again. I I did have some clean time from when I was uh 17 to 23. >> Okay. >> But, uh, that's all part of the part of the story. >> I want to talk to you about recovery. Um, cuz obviously you're about a month now back into recovery, which is awesome. So, congratulations on that. Very proud of you. >> But obviously, you know, you're fighting it. um you're not in a place yet where you know you've got to conquer and you're not going to gamble anymore. Uh give us give me an idea of of what the struggle's been for you after making it six years and now starting to gamble again. >> Yeah. So I'm so I'm 34. Um I went into my first treat just going to give a quick story when I was 17. I went into my first treatment center in Florida. It stuck. I did very well. Went back home was working with a family business. ended up really messing that up around my fifth or sixth year. I started gambling with uh judges, lawyers, uh etc. >> Like card games, >> uh no bookies, taking bets from judges using bets. >> Oh, you were a livered bookie. Got it. Got it. Got it. >> Yeah. Uh just whatever, you know, XYZ, however you want to interpret. I was I was doing it and um just within recently my father passed back in 2024 and you know I I was gambling before he passed hard and uh I have a lot of regret that you know now that I'm trying to get help that he'll never be able to see it. >> Yeah. >> When when he was here he would spend money on sober livingings rehabs all for gambling related because I've never I've never smoked weed. I don't even I don't do drugs. I rarely drink and if I do it's with a cigar. >> So, it's just, you know, for the gambling aspect, I'm very upset that I wasn't able to show him the effort now that I'm putting in because it's a different type of uh level for me in recovery. Uh I got bailed out before coming here. I I ran something up to around $100,000 and was basically told if this isn't paid, we're going to have you arrested. So, uh my mom bailed me out and it was like we have to put you into a treatment center. Right. I was I was like, "No, you know, it doesn't have to happen." I think like this was a big wakeup call because, you know, whenever I would be almost arrested when my dad was alive, he would always, you know, mediate a surrender to where it would go down to like, you know, disorderly conduct. I don't have a record. I don't have anything. >> Mhm. >> So, the fact that he isn't here now, I kind of use the excuse like, oh, I don't need to go to rehab. Like, this was a big bailout for me. I'm done gambling, etc. And then two days later, you know, I'm gambling, >> right? >> So, um, we found right we found, uh, right choice and, um, honestly, this is probably the best therapy that I've probably ever gotten coming into a rehab center. I've been to Algamus as well. >> Yep. Yep. I was in Alchemist uh, for a few weeks and I Rob, who runs Right Choice Recoveries, my go-to is, as I'm sure you know by now, uh, it's who I send everybody to. It's a great outpatient uh facility uh in New Jersey. Yeah. I want to go back a little bit with you if you don't mind. So when when you you had to get bailed out by family for a serious amount of money, >> was that street wagering? Was that online wagering? Was it the offshore stuff? Like did you owe people money who might be uh we looking over your shoulder? >> Sorry. No, I stopped using bookies a long long time ago. Uh, this was more about taking loans and embellishing it a little bit, saying that, "Hey, can you give me another $5,000 and I'll throw another $2,000 on top." And >> I took a loan, you know, this is from December. I took it December 17th because I this is how sick it is. I just know the dates of all my loans. From December 17th all the way to May 14th, I was able to get this one kid to give me a $100,000 from that time >> making a story him never seeing a return whatsoever >> to to blaming the crypto sites to editing pictures to just really overloading my brain on trying to not not scam because it's I'm trying to take a loan but just to keep the madness going. And then >> it just got to a point where I didn't even come clean about anything. You know, apparently his, without me knowing this, his family knew my family. His family had some relatives or people that were in law enforcement that knew my father that was in law enforcement. So, you know, just being completely honest with you, my mom's response to me was the only reason why I'm paying this right now is so your dad's name doesn't get dragged through the mud because he was a great cop, a great business owner, detective, family. You know, there was not one bet that you'd probably say about my dad and I think no one else in the world could either. So, it's like to hear that like I'm only paying this so your dad's name doesn't get dragged through the mud. It it hurts because it's like, you know, I'm also your son. while you're not doing it for that aspect. But at the same time, I'm sitting down now with a little bit more of a clear head and saying that gez, I'm a [ __ ] [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> So, I don't need the curse. >> No, you're good. You're good. You're good. >> I just, you know, it just, >> you know, you carry you carry a lot of weight with you. >> For sure. >> I do. It's a lot It's a lot of regret. >> But I imagine, you know, can't speak for what your dad would say, but in his line of work, he saw addicts for sure. He knows the struggle for sure. And my gut would be, I know in your world, it might feel like, oh, it's only been a month. I've got so much more to prove to people. And that's real. You have to reearn trust and respect from a lot of people that you let down. But I guarantee your dad's looking down saying he's proud of you. >> Yeah. And you know, I'm sure and I'm sure that's it. But there's just one thing that I've when I went into treatment in Florida my first time when I was 17, >> there was a it still sticks to me now. Even when I'm in my even when I was in my addiction, someone said this, you I've been, you know, at the time he said this, not me. I've been gambling for 20 years. So just because I'm clean for a year or two years, 3 years, doesn't mean that I should expect my family to treat me any different. When I have 20 years, that is when I'll have a chip on my shoulder. And if my if my family is still giving me [ __ ] I'll fight back. But until then, as the addict, you have nothing else to say. >> Yeah, you're right. And the other part of it is, you know, and I live this, so I can speak to you about this. You know, just because we wake up one day and we decide, all right, we're done gambling and we might mean it. And let's even say we live to it, right? And we never gamble again. We put our families through so much crap that we don't get to tell them, "Hey, I'm done gambling. We're good now." That's not our right. That's they got to tell us when we've earned it for them to shake our hands, give us a hug and a kiss and tell us, you know what, I respect the journey and you have rear earned that trust. So that's, you know, you're going to that's going to be a tough part for you, but that's something we all we all go through. That's not unique to you. >> No, 100%. And that's why also I being here at this facility that they make you put pen to paper and pen to paper for me has never been easy because >> pen to paper making you're making a pledge that you're not going to gamble or at least say you're going to be honest. >> Therapy the therapy writing everything down understanding you know visualizing. >> So it's just like I was never a big fan of that because I don't want to write. I rather I'm a talker. I love talking. I can I could talk to you about the subject for 12 hours. I have no issue doing it, but just but it's it's truly helped me writing it and understanding that why do I feel this way towards my mom or towards anybody? But when someone does something to me, >> huh, that guy's cut off. I don't want to speak to him. He's an [ __ ] XYZ. >> But every single day, I'm just using my mom example because that's who I'm with now. is that if I do something to her and in 2 days from when I did anything, she reacts a certain way and I'm like, "Why are you mad? There's nothing going on right now." She says, "It's years or it's days or whatever that you've done to hurt me. So why is it if someone hurts you, you can't show the same compassion that I might show you? >> It's it's truly change. It's that's just one example, but I'm truly changing the way that I'm thinking because my way of thinking is >> so I I used to have a a thing called DTM and DTM stood for dead to me. And you know people in my life I said out LOUD THAT GUY'S DEAD to me. Well, WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU REALLY IN THE BIG PICTURE? NOTHING. But I was so involved like self involved and the ego obviously is a big part of that where there's 50 people that were DTM half of them now back in my life and we have great relationships and by the way there are some relationships you never get back but the thing you know in your heart is that your mom didn't write that check just because she wanted to protect your dad's name. She wrote that check. You know that deep inside your mom's desperate for her son to be well. >> Exactly. And you know, just talking about the madness and her writing that check >> in our in our and I'm sure you can exper you can attest to this. I was scared for her to write that check because not about me not going to jail cuz in my head I'm playing the tape like it's New York, right? I have an addiction. I'll go into a treatment center. as long as I make restitution within the next 20 years, it will get dropped down to this. I will never see the inside of a jail cell. I'm like, just let it I don't care. Let it happen. Like, it doesn't matter to me. >> And the second biggest thing in my head was her holding that over me. Was saying that, oh, I wrote, you know, why are you not doing this? I just wrote a check for you to stay out of jail. I begged her not to. I begged her not to in front of my attorney, in front of everybody and said, don't do it. I don't want it. Cuz also I want the pressure. I I you know just being bailed out is being bailed out. >> That's that's that's ego. >> That's the it's the ego. >> That's that's that's >> exactly what it is. >> Yeah. >> So >> you also you also gave up some control cuz once your mom writes that check, you know, she's got the hand over you and like she always should. She's your mom. But that that was just a shot right to your ego. That's all that was. >> Yeah, it is. I And that's why I didn't want her to write it. I was like, I'd rather just go to jail if that's what you think is. >> But you know what you should do as you financially get back on your feet? And this is just my take on it. You should take a little bit of money every paycheck and just put it aside. Don't even tell her. And then 6 months from now, whether it's 500 bucks, 5,000 bucks, say, "Mom, I want to give this to you." Um, even though you may never get her the full money back, I think she'll appreciate the work ethic. She'll appreciate that you've never forgotten that she bailed you out financially. and she doesn't she's not gonna want the money from you, but every now and then, mom, this is for you, or mom, let me take you out to dinner. That goes a long long way. >> Exactly. It's just about And it's just, you know, as minor as it might sound at the moment, like I don't have insurance, right? So, I'm trying to because I I'm trying to stay here for a good amount of time. So, I'm like I've ever had to get insurance. either I've worked for a company that provided it or I've had or I had New York Medicaid when I was betting x amount of thousands of dollars just sick. The way I think about it is that it's been taking me a while. I've been working on it for the last two weeks to get a private insurance. I did a health questionnaire >> and all she keeps telling me is just put the effort. I just need to see the effort, >> right? >> Because everything's always just been handed to you without you doing anything. >> So the last two weeks I'm putting in the effort. It's challenging and I'm doing it. But I also see the difference in the way she's speaking. Like, okay, wow, he's actually doing this, this, and that. He's actually doing it. Not saying he's healed, but maybe his way of thinking is starting to understand. >> No, she sees you taking the steps that you need to take. Yeah. And she respects it. You're a grown man, you know, and she wants to treat you like a grown man, but you have to earn that that part of it, too. Um, do you miss gambling? >> Yes. >> Every day? I just, you know, I don't think about it every day, but I just like, you know, we don't watch sports in the house, but when I have my phone and I see a quick update, you know, from whatever just updated, I'm like, you know, I would have bet on this the other way, >> right? >> So, it's normal. It's only been a month, >> you know, since since you last came that that it's normal, you know, cuz part of your identity is also I can't watch sports without betting on it, you know, if you were a sports gam, which obviously you were at some level. Um, so, so that's what I want. If you miss it, that's an honest answer. So, yeah, I'll tell you this. You're being honest. >> Yeah, >> that's that's a big change for how you living your life. For sure. >> What are you going to tell me? Like, you know, if I say no, you're going to call me a liar. If not, you say yes, you're going to say I'ming sick. >> So, whichever it is, >> just be honest. I'll tell I'll tell you this. Look, I'm old enough to be your dad. Um, may he rest in peace. But I can tell you that and this is something that I did. I shouldn't have needed to be arrested and be 50 years old to to know. But the reality is that when you're honest, life's just easier. Like [ __ ] still comes your way. Like I just I don't I don't want to be clear with that. Life does isn't easy um necessarily. You have financial concerns, your girlfriend concerns, whatever it might be. But life gets easier when you tell the truth because you don't have to worry about what was the last lie I told or you know how do I cover that lie with another lie. And when you tell the truth like your mind is at ease. And I'm wondering just looking at you talking to you outside of spending a good amount of time in recovery. What have you come up with thus far to fill the gap in your brain for all the amount of time you spent on gambling? >> So >> what do you do? >> Yeah. So it's funny you say that. Um, I was in high school. I played uh played soccer. Uh, got a few scholarships, but ended up taking things from my father that kind of screwed up that. So, I, you know, gained a lot of weight during my gambling tremendously, isolated, etc. And since being here, I go to the gym two to three times a week. Now, >> what about you today makes you feel like this time it's not going to be just a couple years or a couple months or, you know, short period of time that you are now fully committed to to never gambling again. >> You're going to laugh at my answer, but I'm going to tie it into your sleeping question. >> Yeah. >> Is that since coming here, I sleep 8 to nine hours a night without waking up once. Before coming here, if I did go to sleep, I'd wake up every 30 minutes. It's my just again, it's 36 days or whatever it is. But I enjoy not waking up every 20 minutes. I enjoy having a full day's worth of energy. And I also enjoy understanding that when I know I'm saying something wrong and what I'm doing is wrong and I'm actually realizing it that second. So whether it's like, you know, I just twisted my ankle here on Monday. I was in I was in bad pain. I went to an urgent care. I couldn't put a single thing. It was a high ankle sprain. The next day, knowing how I am cuz I'm extremely overweight and I'ming lazy and I isolate myself. Instead of sitting back at the house there, cuz I'm also at their house uh facility over here going back and forth, >> I went with the guys and I played pickle ball for one game in my boot >> and then after I was done playing, I sat down and I was still enjoying them. >> Good. like I'm just trying to do anything opposite of what I normally would do. And you know, one of my buddies that's here uh we had a mutual friend in algamus and uh we're in a group chat together and I talk to I talk to Kev all the time and he kind of gave me that line because it's a true line. He says, "Bro, my way of thinking has been for 20 years. I have to stop doing what I think and what other and I just have to do what other people are telling me." >> For sure. So >> I agree. You have you have to give yourself up to people who have been through it who can help. >> So that is why truly like anything I say to myself, I don't do anymore. It's if Rob tells me to do something or Tina or one of the case managers or whatever it might be, I'm just doing it. >> Good. >> Because my my first week my first week here, I wasn't gambling, but you know, I was moving some of my crypto around so I would have funds while I was here to, you know, get stuff if I needed something, >> right? But, you know, to the owners of places, to a new, you know, a new client coming in, that doesn't look so good. >> And you're not the first to try it. >> And I'm not the first [ __ ] that tries, >> but but since that one interaction that I had where I was like, okay, you can't do this. >> I'm truly, you know, taking it dayto day here. And I'm truly I don't want to say changing because you don't change that quick, especially with >> You'll get there. I'll get there. >> You will. >> But right now, I'm I'm very content with what's going on, >> dude. Imagine everything you did times a thousand. >> I got there. You can get there. Just it's it's mind over matter. It's a will. You know, all the energy you put into gamma you just put into recovery. And that's easy for me to say, you know, now eight years later. Um but you know, there's also an upside. Number one, you're young, so you've not ruined your life, right? You didn't lose a house, a mortgage, your wife didn't leave you. Your kids haven't disowned you. The dog didn't leave you, right? So you have an entire life ahead of you that can be awesome if you choose it to be awesome, right? You don't have a criminal record, right? And once you get your together and you feel like you have it handled, you have this great great support system through Rob and Tina and the and the gang at Right Choice. I'm going to offer you the I'll be that guy for you as well. And there's this whole community of people who have proven you can get everything back. You can live the exact life you want to live once you start living it the way you need to. And I promise you, the world will open up for you in manners you could never expect or anticipate where you sit today. But I'm living proof of it. I was in prison for a year. And outside of a handful of relationships which sadly I will never get back, there's really nothing in life that is a hindrance for me being successful, right? And you I would just keep that in the back of your mind that if a guy like Carton could do it at 50 with a wife and four kids and a mortgage and a public job, why can't I do it? And the answer is you can. And I'm not a preacher at all, but that's as preachy as I get. So, I'm going to offer to you and we you have my number already. You know, when you need somebody to talk to late at night or first thing in the morning who will just listen and won't blow smoke up your ass, I'm happy to be that guy for you. >> I very much appreciate it. Thank you. >> So, you use my phone 247 and I mean that. Um I'll listen. I'll give you any kind of advice I can give you without being a therapist obviously, but having lived it, you know, there's a lot of people like me that are happy to w watch a kid like you get through this and excel at life. And that's right there for you if you want it to be. >> No, I appreciate it. And just like what you just said, it's while being here, what you just said is what Rob has said also to me. So, it's just good to see like people that have such great personalities such as yourself and that like you know want to help others. I could talk to Rob for 20 30 minutes and he'll help me out of an issue that y >> shouldn't even be an issue but he makes you see it as like you're just working on yourself. It's not something bad. So that's why like I always try to take numbers down you know I have a sponsor so it's like you know I'm just trying to do >> like I said I'm just trying to do the correct things this time where someone else is telling me what to do and I'm just kind of saying yes sir. Yes, sir. No problem. >> And the last thing I'll tell you, the last thing I'll tell you to do, and I I truly appreciate your time today, is next time you talk to your mom, just tell her you love her. >> Simple, right? Tell her. It'll mean so much to her. And every time you talk to her, end that call with, "I love you, Mom." All right. I appreciate you. I look forward to uh hearing your story of success along the way. Please use me as a second sponsor. Uh it's something that you can always talk to. And thank you so much for sharing the story today. I appreciate it very much.