Reacting To My FIRST Video, 10 Years Later ✧ ₊˚

[music] >> Oh, she is mugged down today. >> Wait, hold on, y'all. >> Hotty, hotty, like a bag of Takis. I'm the [ __ ] >> Your honor, she's out again. >> Good morning, leak beauties and others. No, hi friends. My name's Freddy. Maybe I should have someone else introduce myself. >> my name is Frederick Chen. >> [screaming] >> Yeah, so >> [laughter] >> Can't believe I'm digging in my own archive. She's digging in me. >> It has been 10 years since I started my YOUTUBE CHANNEL. >> WOW, OLD. I feel like I'm ready to be sent out to pasture. Is that the phrase? Why am I Why am I a cow? I haven't watched this video in years. We're going to go back through now that I've transitioned. I think the last time I did this was 5 years ago. First, I just want to say, thank you all for enjoying my videos and for sticking around. Whether you joined a month ago, 5 years ago, anywhere more than 6 years, you're crazy. >> [music] >> You need therapy just like me. I recommend mine. She's great. You're a trooper. >> Because I don't know how you put up with all of those phases. We have male Freddy to go through, painting Freddy, bucket hat propaganda Freddy. >> [screaming] >> Sunflower is still here, by the way. She's never left. Please let me know when you started watching me and what you miss the most. You can say painting. She does miss painting trade, trust me. At this point, should I hate mob threatening for me to go back to painting? I'll do it cuz I miss pixel art so much. And I want to preface this by saying, I hold my past [music] self with a lot of resentment and love at the same time. As I get older, I learn to care less about what anyone thinks because being trans in this economy, in this day and age, is one hell of a drug. And I want to do what makes me happy cuz I deserve to live the life I've designed for myself and that is also because of y'all. So, if you see me being mean to, you know, 14-year-old Frederick, take it with a grain of salt. Of course, I'm grateful for him because without him, we would not have received all this. 3 2 1. >> Hey guys, my name is Frederick Chen. >> No, it's not anymore. >> [laughter] >> I don't think anyone understands how difficult it is to watch this whole video. It's only 2 minutes. For context, I thought this one video, this one tiny video, would skyrocket me to fame so that I would be able to pay for my parents. We were moving from Charleston, South Carolina to New Jersey, and I didn't want that in freshman year. Spoiler, we moved still. She did not get famous instantly. [music] >> And for my first video, I thought I should tell you guys some things about me. Now, I'm too lazy to do 50, [music] and I'm sick, so get off my back. >> [laughter] >> COULD YOU IMAGINE? ME TODAY, "HEY GUYS, here's the 50 things about me, but guess what? I'm sick, so I'm going to give you 10, and you can get off my back." Just lazy as [ __ ] This is my old bedroom, too. My wall is inspired by this lighting cuz what is up with that? I think it was my mom's old vintage lampshade that I used. We didn't have any ring lights, none of the little phone flashes. When I asked my parents for my first ring light, I said, "It's a modern lamp that the kids really like," and they still believe that to this day. >> I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. HOW DARE YOU? >> ALMOST all of these facts are useless for you. [music] Like, you'll never have to know them. >> Those eyebrows. Those eyebrows. Freddy. >> I'm 14 [music] years old. My birthday is June 20th, 2001. >> That's still true. My birthday is June 20th, 2001, and it's also someone else's birthday. [laughter] Don't tell Vivi. She doesn't know yet, by the way. Trying to ruin my own birthday, but yes, I'm a cancer. Every time I've said that, people think I have cancer. No, I just have crabs. >> You what? >> zodiac is a snake, and I'm 24 years old now. And if I think about it, I have done YouTube almost half of my life. Wow. And what has changed? Absolutely nothing. I'm still just as annoying, if not more. >> I've been vegan for a year. >> She's not vegan anymore. During high school, though, I was a snobby vegan, as in I wouldn't sit next to anyone else who ate meat. So, yeah, I had no friends. And then I said, "You cannot do that to yourself, Freddy." >> I'm the gayest guy you'll ever meet in your life. >> Uh-huh, right. This just in, Freddy's a liar. I am a bisexual trans woman. Actually no, I'm a I'm a cis white woman. What am I saying? And I'm from Ukraine apparently. And I also wear a hijab according to TikTok. I have a sister. [music] This is her cat. His name is Diesel. I still have a sister. This was our cat Diesel. Rest in peace. I have four cats now. Actually five. One stepson. Also recently had another one pass named Kiff. I hope that y'all are at ease and not in pain anymore. Oh, look at you cuties. Okay, okay. The double chin thing, get rid of that. I would just like to say Freddy had a very toxic Asian upbringing [music] so I hated everything about being fat. Do not hold the same sentiments now. Actually I do insist on eating more so that estrogen moves the fat where you want it to. Where you want it to. The best way to not have your parents bring up your weight is to not speak to them. My favorite color [music] is blue. I only listen to pop [music] music. Actually I listen to good music only. Yeah, and I stand by that. For all of you who are so nosy about it on Twitch since [music] everyone's asking, "Where's your playlist?" What makes you think you deserve it? What makes you think you deserve what I have curated? No, I'm kidding. It's in the description. It's stuff I've had since I was a kid. Why do I use YouTube Premium? Uh, because I bought it. Fun fact, the small indie company YouTube does not give it to us after 10 years. Nor will we get a million subscribers. So I have a family plan for all my friends. I'm not paying extra for an Apple Music. No. I will use the YouTube Music app even though it's disgusting. The UI is terrible. >> And most of the songs are by Adele who is [music] my favorite artist. >> Adele, most of the songs are still by Adele. That's a separate playlist. That's my sad music. No one's allowed to touch that. And no you can't have it. No, no one's allowed that much access to my brain. She is still up there. Conan Gray is up there. My most common comparison was Eugene Lee Yang growing up and then Conan Gray as well since we were both YouTubers. And we both actually look alike. And that well that's a joke. Double entendre there. Conan, if you ever wanted to know what you would look like if you transitioned, this is what you would probably get. I don't see that happening for him soon because I picked up the weight, he picked up the weights. This is not a wig by the way. It's much more damage than a wig. And if anyone disagrees with me, I will fight you. It's true. I still will. Watch out. These hands, these claws, these rings, they pack a punch. >> I live in Charleston, South Carolina. >> I live in Los Angeles now. For those who don't know, I grew up in Charleston 14 years of my life, New Jersey for a few years, New York for the rest, and then recently LA after I graduated. The only thing stopping me from moving back to New York is the fact that I've already moved my cats here. I have settled. If you want to think about four cats on a plane, it makes you want to jump off the plane. And I don't miss the East Coast humidity. It is terrible for my skin and hair. >> I'm Chinese, [music] but don't ever try to tell me to speak it because I suck at it. I really hated being Chinese back then. >> I can say Putonghua. I don't know what made Freddy say that I couldn't speak any Chinese at all. I didn't go to Chinese school. I only learned by ear, so I can't write it. I can't read it, but I can hold a conversation easily. Is my accent the best? No, because I had a Southern accent and learned Chinese by ear through my parents at the same time. So, get off my dick. >> Cut that. Just take that out, Freddy. >> Doesn't it just piss you off when you're bilingual and then [music] everyone at your school is like, "Oh my god, can you speak whatever?" >> That is what happens still. The way y'all treat people of color and just anyone who's not white in the South has to stop. Y'all are so weird about it. And also, while I'm here, stop fetishizing all Asian people because my parents immigrated from China and Singapore. I'm not Korean. I'm not going to be like a K-pop idol. And I'm done being compared to every other K-pop idol under the sun when none of us have the same nose. And everyone I'm being compared to has double eyelids, not me. >> Like, no. No. >> She thought she ate by cutting off that music. Comedic timing, still working on it. >> piano for around 12 years and I hated every moment of it. >> [laughter] >> I had a Russian teacher who would like beat me with a ruler, so that's why I hated it, but eventually I got someone else and I then I loved it. If you care, just search Frederick Chen piano. There's a lot of compilations I've done. A lot of people found me through that, too. If I get a keyboard, I'll play it more. >> I have a fear of spiders. >> I definitely still have that fear of spiders. I wasn't on Twitch streaming this, but we were just playing Lethal Company with my friends. There is a clip. I didn't know there were spiders in that game, nor did I know about the arachnophobia filter, so I went into it blind. Watch him put on headphones. >> UM >> [screaming] [laughter] >> OH MY GOD, THERE'S ANOTHER [screaming] ONE. >> [laughter] >> I STARTED CRYING AFTER THAT. MY CURRENT FAVORITE TV SHOW is Steven Universe, probably because it's gay. Ooh, ooh, let me just formally apologize. I'm too embarrassed to look back on my Steven Universe videos. That was when I was in my making up my mind, critiquing queer culture even though I was freshly 18. Still haven't learned everything about what it means to be queer, clearly. Steven Universe gets better with age. The more you look at it, the more you realize how much [ __ ] nuance Rebecca Sugar put into it. And if you can look at that show without inserting yourself into it and understanding the characters' points of view, it is phenomenal. I will defend that show till the day I die. I wish more kids could watch that today and it was still being passed around. That sounds wrong. Being distributed. It's a very important show and I'm so glad I had it growing up. I encourage you all to watch it as well as watch Adventure Time, Regular Show, Amazing World of Gumball, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, none of the Cocomelon, Subway Surfer jargon. Cartoon Network truly helped shape my personality and interests as a kid and it still does today. Also, get into Rebecca Sugar's independent album. Amazing animations as well for the music videos. I've only been to Starbucks once in my life. Like all the white people hate me right now. >> Who the [ __ ] cares? Like why are you talking about that? Literally, who gives a [ __ ] I don't know why I mentioned that. This might have been like the beginning of Starbucks becoming relevant in our culture. I think this is right before the pink drink of it all and like before everyone says, "Oh, let's go to Starbucks. Let's get a Starbies." Freddy was just [ __ ] woke for no reason and just angry at the world. And you know what? Rightfully so, cuz now that I think about it, I'm locked in my room here because I was so mad at my parents because they, you know, told me to get out of [music] the house. We're past that now cuz they're not allowed in my house. Hated school cuz I was moving away, and that's why I went to YouTube. So, I came on very harsh. I think I still do to this day. Uh some of that's just autism now, and I'm working on that, but truly, y'all, if you have all that anger inside of you, and you were just a young middle schooler, uh first, if you're watching me, >> [snorts] >> so sorry. I hope a lesson that people take from my videos is that there is always a way to get better, and to understand that a mistake does not necessarily make you a bad person. It is just the act of Do you want to get better? Do you want to make the world a better place? Do you want to live a better life for yourself because you believe you deserve it? Even in all of my despair, I still chose to turn on that stupid camera that I didn't know how to work. It was a lot of record 11 minutes per video. And I did it just for the love of the game. Like, I didn't become successful on YouTube until 4 or 5 years in, and I think that's when people started to actually see me because the first year I got 100 subscribers, second year 1,000, third year 10,000, and then by the fourth year 100k. I think I hit 1 million on my sixth year. So, it literally could take that long for something to become a career, for you to pull yourself out of your own misery. Pull. Pull, Freddy, not put. YouTube, please don't demonetize that. But, if you have a passion for something, if you need an outlet, please find it, nurture it, work on that, and someday it will come back [music] and pay you. Whether it's financially or just internally, please find a hobby outside of generative AI and spewing your feelings to ChatGPT, and going on Reddit, and doing posting. It's not worth it. I'm not doing this to talk down. I've been there. I still go through that phase sometimes. I was just there last week, ready to end it all again. That would have been my third attempt in life. It can get better. There is so much to life that is worth living. I hope you find that for yourself. And if no one said it to you [music] lately, thank you for still being here. Please give yourself physically, give yourself a pat on the back. I don't give a [ __ ] if it's cringe, do it. Mama told you to, okay? It's my 10-year anniversary, it's the least you can do to yourself. That's all I ask from y'all. And like this video, I guess. People might say, "You're so strong for still being here," and you may not feel that. I get told that from y'all that like I've grown into this strong woman since I was a kid. I don't believe that every day. There are days where it's harder for me to feel like I've done anything worthwhile in life and I just feel like a useless piece of trash because I cuz I just downed a bunch of french fries and my stomach hurts. And your girl's got IB. Let me take a Tums actually. You guys, I just had to take breathing exercises cuz I thought I didn't hit the record button. Round of applause that we actually did because I'm recording this at 2:00 a.m. right now. I would have jumped so fast off this building if that was not on. 10 years into my career, still can't figure out if it's recording or not. You'd be very surprised at how many videos have been lost because of that. I hate spicy stuff. Now all the Asian people hate me. Actually, you know what? I will hate you for that as an Asian person. I have the best spice tolerance in my family now. Is that because I eat a bunch of spicy food here in LA? Yes. She wasn't good at putting it into words back then, but the feeling of not being American enough nor Asian enough is being shown. I'm just being a dick [music] about it. I've never dated anyone. I've dated four people. Still single now. And for those who say like, "Oh, why are you still single? You deserve someone." You don't want to date me right now. I'm still working on myself. My therapist can call me out and say, "No, Freddy, you don't want to date someone." Go get back shots however many times you want, sure. Which doesn't happen by the way cuz I stay at home. I'd rather be single right now and happy. I'm a lot as a person and it's hard to find someone who deserves all this and can handle all this. >> [laughter] >> All of my friends hate this, but I love shopping. Which friends hated that? Are they my guy friends who hated that? Mostly I like shopping at Lush [music] Cosmetics because it's the best place in whole world. Oh, true. Still stand by that. Sometimes it gives you a headache. That smell is a drug to me. I will stand Lush Cosmetics till the day I die. They are always on the right side of history as well. To this day I still go to that store to buy random stuff. They're part of the reason I got into beauty. I've never won a game of Monopoly [music] and I've never broken a bone. Who? Who literally [ __ ] cares? Bro, who the [ __ ] cares? You want to talk about real gaming? Mastered TFT. Peak trans woman right here who played competitive on a game that didn't matter. Didn't do it for the money. Did it for the love of the game. All of that was just because in college there would be some guys who would say, "Oh, I play League of Legends, bro. And like I'm diamond." And I go, "Oh, you're diamond? Sure. Let me get something above this guy just to say I did it." And for those who care, my main is Veigar. We got the same laugh. >> [laughter] >> It's the next day, and I just woke up to edit the video. And it turns out that the rest of the video got cut off. This is my first video. Show some mercy, please. >> The Pusheen in the back? >> I thought it was recording probably 40 minutes worth of content. That's why I mentioned 11 minutes cuz it stops right there. That camera didn't automatically keep recording. >> So, if you enjoyed, please [music] leave some feedback in the comments so I know how to improve. >> Oh, you want my feedback? You're a [ __ ] brick. You're ugly as [ __ ] You'll never surmount to anything, and you will grow into a very beautiful woman someday, Freddy. Cuz look at her now. On a serious note, I'm going to gay post for a little. Thank you all so much for staying around for literally a decade. I hope people understand how weird that is to say it as a 24-year-old. This is not a job most people have. This is not a career most people envision. I don't know where I'm going with it, but thank you all for encouraging me to be a better person, for holding me accountable when needed, for telling me to be more gentle [music] to myself because sometimes I forget that I'm talking to a kid, and there are kids watching. I don't need to bully my past self all the time because someone could be looking at that kid and going, "Oh, that's me." If you think you don't know anything yet, I still don't know everything at 24. I'm still learning how to adult to this day, and that is just the circle of life. You will be doing that till the day you die. No one knows everything. We're just good at hiding it or not mentioning it. Please remember, you don't see everything that happens behind the camera. I don't always look like this. I do it to look presentable because I like doing that for myself. I thought it'd be fun to create these blank things about me since I didn't care to do 50. And I don't care to do 50 now cuz y'all know so much about me. But here's what's important. My name is Frederick Chen. My chosen name is Freddy. Ends with d i e like die. Not the peola Freddy Fazbear horror horror horror [ __ ] I am a trans woman. I started transitioning almost a year ago. I was a cashier at Wegmans growing up. I went to NYU, graduated with a digital art and design major, and a digital art minor. I'm autistic. Some of my interests are dinosaurs. Favorite one is Protoceratops. I recognize the irony. I didn't know she chose that a long time ago. I have two loving parents that don't always understand me and we are not on speaking terms right now, but hopefully we will someday. This has been my career for the past few years because of y'all. I have four cats named Remy, Sushi, Miso, Ruby, the stepson named Bender, who's currently licking his ass over there. I love art in all of its aspects. A lot of you met me through my pixel art, my painting videos, my grad cap video, maybe that one Photoshop video where I said I didn't want to pay $300 so I edited out the watermark for my senior pics. That was me before I got deleted. No regrets. [ __ ] that school. The way I come across online is not how I am in real life. I'm very introverted. I'm able to yap out all of my feelings through here in the podcast, but if you see me, of course I will say hi and gladly hug you. Please say hi for a pic. If I'm crying, maybe not cuz I'm very easy to cry now. I was sexually assaulted in third grade by my next door neighbor who was my best friend and when I made that video calling him out, I'm in a bucket hat or something. They proceeded to message me on Twitter saying they didn't know what they did wrong. So they got blocked and you deserve a comes to you. Sunflowers are my favorite food. They're my favorite flower. I love the symbolism behind them. I don't know what the next 10 years has in store for me, but my dreams are to make my own brand, to be able to never take a brand deal again and rely on other companies, to be self-sufficient enough so that I can live a happy life and then donate to where I can, especially for queer people in transition them and pay off the GoFundMe so people can get their bottom surgery or their FFS. I would love a cat cafe someday or just a middle space for queer people to hang that isn't a bar cuz I'm a mess when I'm drunk. Thank you all for staying and for watching through the end. I don't know how I don't know how to explain how pivotal making YouTube videos has been for me. It is literally the purpose that I found. I just talked about that earlier about trying to find a hobby. If I didn't have this, I don't know if I would be here still and that's not an exaggeration. My cats and the obligation to tell stories and to help people feel more comfortable in their identity are my main saviors [music] and my motivators for life and yeah, this is not a lot, but it's something that is worth it to me because I just I get a lot of messages from people and I know how hard it is to be queer and how hard it is to be trans and I just want people to have a life that's worth living. And most of y'all are so young and you don't know what it's like to be even 24 yet or even to even take a shot of HRT and to feel that instance of euphoria and I just wish that I could give that for more people. Thank you for seeing me for who I am as much as I can show at least on camera. I don't like saying like if I can do it you can but hey, I'm here after 10 years. [music] I've gone through one Trump administration. I'm going through another one and yes, I will bring up politics cuz it matters to my life and it should to you as well. I'm going to still stick it out because I am hopeful for what people can have in the future. Whether or not you still like me or my videos or you grew up, thank you for enjoying them at some point. I hope I was able to make you laugh. I know what it's like to unsubscribe from someone or to feel like you've drifted apart. I don't blame anyone. That shows you've matured and you found your own belief system. You found your own interest and maybe they've changed and I would hope so because you're growing up. Just know that even if it's one time you've watched me or multiple times, [music] you've helped me along the way to get to where I am today and that support is something that I can never pay back but I will always say thank you. I wish I could thank every one of you for helping me get here. It's going to be a long [ __ ] 10 years from now on so buckle up sister or sibling or whatever. Oh and [ __ ] Nancy Mace. Anyways, love you all and as always, everything is less than three. You know what that means? A heart, right? We can't go 10 years into this and still not know the [ __ ] meaning. I love you all. I'll see you soon. Goodbye. Goodbye.