Raccoon Wars, Lindsay Clancy, NFL Scammers & Past Crimes - Matt McCusker

People of the UK and Ireland, if you've listened to Modern Wisdom for a while, but haven't seen me live, it isn't just a podcast on stage where you can finally see my legs. It's a show that I've spent over a year building specifically for a live audience. There are stories I've never told before, ideas I've deliberately saved for the stage, audience confessions, and a Q&A where I try to solve your biggest problems. Dublin has already sold out and all of the other cities aren't far behind. So, if you want to see me live, head to chris Williamson. That's chris Williamson. I'm in a battle with raccoons at the moment. >> Where? >> My backyard is just me versus raccoons at the moment. >> They go on your roof. >> They I've got this nice couch thing like they sit on. It's like comfy. You can lie on it. And they've just wrecked that. Every single night they come in and they wreck that. They decided they were going to tear up one Croc. I had like two Crocs, a pair of Crocs left outside, which I mean they might have done me a like fashion [ __ ] favor. >> I always feel bad. I almost I I like fought the urge to wear Crocs here today. >> You're a Crocs guy. I love Crocs. >> Unreal. I'm But anyway, like I'm a I'm actually at war with these [ __ ] raccoons. It feels very demoralizing like losing a war of wits with an animal that survives exclusively on garbage. >> Yeah. >> Like, oh, that that's what's defeated me. But I haven't been able to get rid of them. So that's >> Yeah. You got to trap them. >> You trap. But then what you do? Get a professional. >> Get rid of them. Yeah. Go send them somewhere or have a professional can trap them. They'll just release them somewhere else, >> right? But okay. You have to like drown them or anything. >> You can't. I kind of love raccoons, but they they've I was growing watermelon. Raccoons just destroyed my watermelons. >> When were you growing watermelon? >> The summer. >> You >> I had one I had one big watermelon forming and I came I woke up one morning and the raccoon had just torn it to shreds and I was like >> that was like my croc except I hadn't got to grow it, I guess. But yeah. >> [ __ ] >> No, I was pissed. But I I do kind of love raccoons. I was like all right well >> I can't believe that Austin allows you to grow watermelon. I don't know where I thought watermelons grew, but I assumed that the climate had to be way more exotic. >> No, you can grow watermelon. No, you can grow watermelon here. It's like a short season. You got to start early. Otherwise, I get burned out in the sun. >> Otherwise, the raccoons come and get it. >> Yeah. I got to put it behind the fence this time. >> Yeah. I keep imagining what it would be like to like be in a fight with those raccoons. Like they've got claws. So, like I'd look like a lunatic. I've got one croc on now because my the other croc that they've taken away like a broomstick for self-defense. Like be like be one of those guys in World War I that's got like a bugle and a sandwich and like that's what he's sent over the top with. >> Dude, my my neighbor used to have raccoons for pets. He had two raccoons in a cage. And remember Urkl cereal? I don't know if you were here when it's like uh Family Matters the show Carl Winslow. Remember Urkel the Black Nerd >> who go he had his own line of cereal for a while >> and my neighbor who lived behind me would feed them Urkl cereal. ate his own cereal and they fed him cereal for like a while in a cage and it's illegal to keep them as pets apparently. >> The American like desire to turn anything into a legitimate commercial opportunity like you were just >> I'm telling you I've never seen >> Yeah. >> help find Laura. >> What like what year was this? >> Back in 1991 Steve Urkl got his own cereal. Erkalos was basically strawberry and banana flavored Froot Loops. >> Yeah. I just remember seeing Urkel cereal next to a raccoon cage and being like, "Damn, my neighbors raccoons eat Urkl cereal." >> Well, that's pretty I was like a real little boy and I was just like I just stored that fact away in my head. It's I break it out anytime raccoons come up. I'm like, "Oh, they actually love Urkl cereal." >> My goto raccoon fact is Urkl cereal. >> Yeah. I mean, imagine you're already entrapped. Your life is in in a cage and now the next thing that happens is you have to eat cereal for the rest of your life. Like banana flavored cereal sounds horrible. It's like fake banana is awful. It's the worst thing. >> Fake bananas polarizing. I remember banana runs were I love banana runs. You're going to have we're doing this America British. Well, the runs are just a hard candy that are like they're shaped like real fruit, but it's just a hard candy. >> So, there's one there was the banana run. When I was growing up, everyone would be like, "Dude, get those away from me." I actually like the banana run, so I would trade up all the time. Just end up with a ton of banana runs. I have a story for everything, dude. You want to talk about banana flavoring? We can talk banana flavoring. >> The idea of you trading up. >> Nobody wanted them >> because you get them in a variety pack. >> You get Yep. Every little fruit comes and I every like, "Oh, it's banana ones." I'm like, "Bro, let's go. >> Hit me." >> Yeah. Hit me up. >> I can take the watermelon, take the strawberry. >> Unbelievable. >> Here's a cherry. >> Yeah. Yeah. I uh I wanted I I do want to teach you about some British stuff. Do you know who Francis Bourgeoa is? >> Okay. So, I got to the the Grand Tour, which is that thing Jeremy Clarkson did on Amazon. It was about cars and stuff. It was this big car show and then they kind of moved and did this other thing on Amazon. He's a new guy that's taken that. He's a train guy. He's a train spotting >> dude. And um I kind of Oh, here we go. So, what? Just watch this video. >> Yeah. I'm about to see the largest steam locomotive in the world. I've waited my whole life to see 4014 Big Boy in action. So, today is a very important day. With crowds lining the tracks, an unexpected arrival before the main event. There's 21. >> Oh, no. Brutal angle. >> He does it on every video. Here it comes. >> Oh no. Oh no. >> It's big, bro. >> At such an important moment, my phone dies and I have to reach for Amy's phone, which is fortunately. >> You have a camera on your [ __ ] head. >> Big boy. A dream come true. But 21102 is about to >> This was in Pennsylvania, wasn't it? >> I think so. Yeah, >> dude. So, this was really hot that day and a lot of those guys passed out >> that were working. >> Bunch of fat-legged autistic guys who went down. I'm telling that day, my friends were telling me about this. They were the bunch of people were standing in the field and they passed out while waiting for big boy to come. >> Well, I mean, he's one among many. Meanwhile, Francis Bourgeois, he managed to >> he had to live the dream. I was telling my friend, I was like, if I was there with my kid and they passed out awaiting a train, I would step over and just walk away. I would just step right over be like, I'm out of here, man. I'm not I'm not doing this. Train spotting is an odd, but I >> It's very weird. >> That particular like archetype of of person does. There's like a type of white that only exists in America, but there's also a type of white that only exists in England. >> Yeah. >> And that is a category of white that I don't think that you get in America in the same way. >> Oh, we have them, man. We have train spotters, >> right? Yeah. Yeah, I suppose. So, but you they they like present in a different way. >> Oh, yeah, for sure. Our our American train spotters are a little probably a little more quiet. >> Kind of stand there and just watch. That guy was he was pretty talkative. >> You Yeah, there's I have no fear that Francis Bourgeoar is going to become a future school shooter. You said you have no fear. You don't think >> No, I have no fear at all for him. Yeah, >> but the if I was to make him like Frank Bougie, which would be the American equivalent, I'm like watch him. >> Yeah, you'd want to keep an eye on the internet history for sure. >> I can't believe that people passed out. >> Yeah, people passed. It was It made when I heard it, I I laughed for like 10 straight minutes that a field full of children just fell out waiting waiting for a train. >> It was the kids that did. Yeah, it was like Yeah, it was young. It just got hot in some of the >> Well, I suppose that >> not all of them, but enough went down. It It was a bit of a problem. Some of them missed Big Boy. >> Big Boy was coming and they just went down. >> If your kid passes out, it's kind of easy cuz you know they're not going to move. >> So, you think, well, they're going to stay there. >> Yeah. >> They're just going to stay in that location for sure. Like you put a little cool pack on them and then you can go and see Big Boy and then come back. >> Yeah. You could I mean, you're you're there. They they were all waiting and they went down and Big Boy just went right by and they came back like, "What? What happened?" >> They just teleported beyond Big Boy. >> Yeah. And you had to just be like, "Yeah, yeah, you saw it, man. You saw it. >> He's great. I promise. I promise you." Like child memory was working. But yeah, there's like there's two there's basically two, I think, categories of stereotypical British person. And one is Francis Bourgeois. And then the other one, I don't know that you've seen British people going Bosch on the internet. So, this is a guy called Big John, and he does like takeaway reviews, and this is Oh, right. Okay. This is him. This is the guy. >> Can I have two pie one mess twice, please? >> So, he's like kind of a food reviewer, I guess. >> And he's getting it. >> Pies. And Matt, don't say that. >> Don't do that. Don't do that. >> There's two There's two colors on that plate. >> Do you want? >> No. No. No eels today. The eels can save. >> Oh, he's being asked if he wants eels. >> Oh, thank you. >> That's right. Robin's buy mashing roford. >> The food of my people. >> There you go. >> The one that says it ain't. Or they've got this one. I've got that one. >> You think about that. >> Turn your pies over. Chili vinegar. Chilies in there. All over the pies. All over the liquor. All over the mash. Dash of salt. >> Apparently a dash of salt. >> There we go. Yeah. You ready? Look. That's I'm going to go in here. >> I love the idea of eating with just a spoon and a fork, but like the knife >> is totally irrelevant. >> It is funny. I have a friend who's English and he'll send me the pictures of the classic British breakfast and I'm like, "Ew, >> what don't you like about it?" >> The sausage and tomatoes and beans. It's like bacon, bacon, potatoes, eggs, >> no beans, no you don't want tomatoes and it's not it's not really appetizing when I see I will stand on business with the beans like hard. I'm sorry. >> First thing in the morning. >> Yeah. What? >> You're farting all day. You're I'd be >> That's a power move. >> True. >> The the remainder of the day is >> just destroying a room at 10. >> Yeah. You've loaded the magazine. >> True. >> For the remainder of the day, >> you're ready all day. True. That's not bad. Then they're out by the time you go to bed and you're not farting in your Yeah, that's not bad. >> Correct. I'm more of a >> If you invert it, >> I'm more of a raccoon when it comes to farting. I'm nocturnal. I'm all night. All night, dude. I'm farting all night. It's terrible. It's actually kind of I'm concerned. It's been like usually you'll get one day out of the week. I've been on like a 4 day stretch where I'm like, I need to change something. I need to change something now. >> There's um machine like apps for sleep tracking that record when you make noises or move. I' [ __ ] love to hear what yours would be because yours would be broken by either like snoring or rustling or something or just straight ripping. >> Could be. D. That's pretty crazy. So they they actually track the noises. >> Yeah. So this when it's silent or ambient noise or whatever and then it just turns on the recorder when it's to work out whether you're snoring or not and stuff. Um or talking in your sleep. So >> I might have to get that. >> That would be sick. And then you could make a compilation of all of your favorite farts. >> Oh, what what what would you make? Not the nighttime ones would be awesome. >> Yeah. You're like, you know what? You know what missing your own fart while you're asleep is like? It's like being a child that passes out whilst watching Big Boy. >> You're like, I missed it. >> True. This was the entire reason for me eating those beans at night. >> Yeah. All to waste. >> And I didn't I wasn't even there for it. >> Like my mom got to see it or whatever. Like, you know, like the wife got to see it. She was a part of it. >> Have you ever Have you ever woken a woman out of sleep because you farted in bed? >> Yeah. >> It's not a good feeling. >> There's a level >> I've done it. I've done it. >> There is a level of like shame and pride. It's equal parts shame and pride. >> Well, it's so funny. But you also you're like, "Yeah, that's a horrible way to wake up." >> Apologize. I'm so sorry. >> Yeah, I've done it. I've done it before. >> Yeah, the old fart alarm. >> Yeah, we're not even I'm saying not audio. I'm talking wake by smell. I've woken by smell before and that's when you're like >> wake by smell is crazy. >> Wake by smell is pretty It's pretty devastating. And there she was in such deep sleep. It's just my life. She was in such deep sleep. She forgot. >> So I had a good like four days where I was like, "Oh my god, you didn't even mention that." >> I got her scotfree and then the memory came back. Did you tell her? I brought eventually I brought it and she was like, "Holy [ __ ] I forgot about that." And I was like, "Yeah, my bad." >> You told her about the father alarm. >> I was like, "You have to remember that. I can't believe you don't remember this." And then she was like, "Ew, I do remember that. That was gross." And I was like, "Yeah, my bad." >> Did you admit it to the crime? >> I had I Dude, I had to know. I'm like, "How did you just champ that?" It was like kind of bothering me. I kind of actually I wanted my penance. That's what it was. I was like, "I can't get away with that. I wanted to atone but I needed her to remember. >> Right. It's a combination of like I want you to recognize just the power in case in future I need to like hold it over you. You think well >> I turned myself in. It was like a guy who killed somebody and just can't live with it. I was like I got away with it and I was like I got to go to the authorities. I got to report. I got to I got to turn myself in. >> What is the wakeup of someone who's woken by a a smell that's so noxious? >> It's it's like if eyes are still closed. I saw the whole thing. eyes are still closed and you go and it's just like a groan. It's like groaning into consciousness and then you go and then going back under. And I was like, "Oh my god, that was the craziest thing I've ever seen. It's like coming into hell and you're like then you just go back under." It was really upsetting. Honestly, I was saw that I was like, "Holy [ __ ] >> I'm in so much trouble when I wake And then you got off scot-free and then put yourself through. >> Two days went by and I I was like telling everyone I knew about it and finally I was just like I was like I got to tell her I can't I can't I have to like let her know that that happened. >> The idea of like telling it in pride behind the scenes as well like to have guess what I managed to achieve last night. [ __ ] sick. >> Yeah. It was hopefully 101. That was the only time. >> No, I thought you meant by sound >> cuz you can rip a rip one that's loud enough where he's like >> Yeah, you can get that. Yeah, but it's the slow. I wonder how many breaths it takes. It's going to take like the first one's going to hit and but you're gonna hope that the body's going to hope that when it gets exhaled, it's not going to get hit again. And then the crescendo I think it's probably a two breath a two breath alarm. >> Yeah, there's one that's kind of like Yeah, but apparently I think I I could be wrong, but I think your amydala is like really close to where smells come. So they're linked. So she like that was a threat immediately. That's like really linked with threat. I think smells. Swear to God. >> The wake by the wake by far. >> She was she was it was you was terrified. >> [ __ ] me. >> That is true. That is that is very true. I went to um I went to the PBR. I saw Shane at the the bull riding thing which is weird because again talking about very British things and also very American things. It's like close to about as American as you can get. >> Yeah. But it is a arena of people hoping that somebody gets injured by an animal that weighs like a few thousand pounds. >> It's a very strange sport >> to watch and um >> not a massive amount of racial diversity >> in the audience. >> Yeah. >> Uh and then Nelly played. >> Yeah. >> So he kind of offset it toward the end. Uh but yeah, PBR was crazy. That was like that was a very interesting experience. Yeah. Yeah. That uh I I only ever watched it on TV, but bull riding. I like bull riding compared to bull fighting. >> Bull fighting seems like one of the meanest is so mean. >> Yeah. I just learned they pre-stab them. The bulls are pre-stabbed before they even you fight the bull. >> Like that scene in Gladiator where like shiv him before he goes out. That's all of the >> exactly like they just poke him up a couple times. I got to get out. >> So then weaker. >> Yeah. >> I found out that the reason that the capes, what's that called? the >> Oh, I don't know. >> The red rag to a bold thing. The reason that it's red isn't because bulls see red and get angry. It's to hide the blood >> as the bowls run past. >> Oh, >> because otherwise if you had a white sheet or something, >> it would look horrible. >> Yeah, it would just be like marked with loads of bull blood. >> Yeah, that's I didn't know that. >> That's why that's to hide the blood. And that makes sense because they've been pre-stabbed. >> Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. I I thought my whole life I thought like if I was wearing I I like been around bulls a couple times and I would always scan like, "Bro, I hope I'm not wearing any red. They're going to [ __ ] charge me." I had a bull actually that also lived behind me. We had a bull that just was >> Where the [ __ ] did you live? >> I lived on a So my dad and his brother uh bought a piece of property out in like the suburbs of Philadelphia, but it was like when we moved out there, it was like really rural. Like there was nobody out there. There's no sidewalks. But they bought this like plot of land and so they each had a house and they you know they had like a spread. We were right I was right next door to my cousins and then behind us was this like other house up there. So they just rented it out to this guy and he had like that was a guy who had the raccoons in the cages. So he had he had like animals. He had like a weird kind of he had like a barn. There was horses, you know, >> great cereal collection. >> Yeah. Great cereal. And he had um he had a bull for a while and we had it was a old apple orchard but the apples trees like dried up so they'd only make crab apples. So me and my cousins would sit up in the trees and just shoot this bull with a with a you know little slingshot with crab apples all the time and it got so aggressive and like so nuts we had to get they had to get rid of it. We would sit up there and torment it all I was like 9 years old. We would sit there go boom and hit it with like it would it just shake and it became they were like we got to get rid of that thing PTSD from being hit by these like little crab apples all day long. Could you imagine if you were a bull and you didn't understand how physics and gravity works and you're like that tree is throwing apples at me like that tree is my mortal enemy that keeps on pinging me with crab apples all day >> and there were those like I don't know if you had those like real nice slingshots they would like hold they would like you'd pull them back but they had like almost a wrist brace so you could really rip those things back. >> You were hitting it with high velocity crab. >> Yeah. very hard >> explosion on upon impact and then bowls got you know when you shoot someone in paintball and it's just got loads of mobs all over it back. >> Yeah, we were and again it's like that that thing started getting nasty like we had to get rid of it got too canankerous. So now I'm like maybe they just got rid of it but I'm pretty sure we fired that thing up cuz it was we just like taunt it and [ __ ] with it all. >> It was really nice naturatured until maybe that would be a good because I was so the um owner but CEO guy of the PBR was in the the area that we were and obviously I have no idea what's going on. I don't know how the scoring system works. I don't know anything. And he loves bull riding. Absolutely loves bull riding. And he wrote the rules. So I'm like just harassing him autistically about any like so how does this happen and what how do they train the balls and stuff like that? >> But I didn't realize that the people that own the bulls, they have so much pride in like no one's ever ridden like there's element have got a bull and it's called ride in salty. So you can just name it whatever you want. I guess that's awesome. Yeah. Uh, riding salty and no one's ever ridden it or some [ __ ] like that. It's like, "Oh, this is it's the best rider in the world versus the hardest bull in the world." And there's kind of these matchoffs. They pair them up and then there's coaches on the teams of the riders who know what way the bull turns and they put a guy that's like really good in the clockwise position or whatever. It's like matching fighters up against other fighters or like I don't know a sport where you go, "Well, the guy that's on the left wing, he's a little bit slow when he cuts in." So if you put a guy that's rightfooted on that and there's it squads and there's training and they've got tactics and I was like I just see a guy holding on to a bowl. >> That's what I thought. I didn't know they have teams too. They have a bunch of teams. >> Yeah. Like each city's got a different team and then the city that you're in gets to be the final one and there's walkout music and like each one each each guy comes out to different walkout music and stuff. It was sick. >> Yeah. 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Plus, they offer free shipping in the US. Right now, you can get a free sample pack of Element's most popular flavors with your first purchase by going to the link in the description below heading to drinklnt.commwisdom. That's drinklnt.com/modernwisdom. Yeah, we I did I don't I haven't done much super like u Texas stuff. I did the two-step dance lessons. Have you seen that before? >> I've seen it. >> The broken wheel. >> What's that? You can do you can go in there and take lessons for twostep and it's this old lady runs it and I I honestly was like it takes a lot to kind of astonish me when people are like doing certain things. Dude, she apparently can just grab lady's asses and like so she was g I shouldn't say this but we were in there and she would she'd be like come out here and dance with me young lady and she'd be like god your ass is flatter than cardboard just smack like it was insane. She was just grabbing and smacking ladies asses and just I mean you know any kind of racial thing she would throw that in there too just to like flavor it up. >> Dude, there is >> she was I I was sitting there like bro this is insane and everyone's like ah this is cute. I guess >> I've been transported back to the 1950s. There's a level of bigotry that you just like when people get beyond a certain age they just get a pass for it all. >> Yeah. You have to let this lady cook. It was really good cuz it was a it was a lot of it was a a good amount of like Asian tourists came and she was having a field day with them. It was it was wild. There's nothing there for me to grab. You have no ass on you. Look at where you from Vietnam. Get out of the way. And I was like, God, >> she thinks she thinks the war's still going. >> But it was our enemies. >> It was fun. It was fun to see. It also was nice. It brings everyone down. It's like, yeah, let her let her do her thing. brings everyone down to like a you know >> that's what being British is like actually that that level of like insulting of everyone. Were you any good? Is it hard? I've never >> I wasn't very I was all right. It's not it's pretty easy honestly. >> But it's all about you have to kind of like >> it's like easy to do but once you have like 30 people on the dance floor, everyone you don't know which way anyone's going. So it's it's uh and then there's people who are like actually really really good at it and you're like >> I'm in the way now. >> Do what? >> You're in the way. >> Yeah. You're just in their way. They're like whipping people around and throwing them. And it it's also very important that you have to lead your partner. And it's like I am horrible horrible at dancing. So I'm kind of like trying to I'm stepping on her feet the whole time and I'm like actually I'm in charge. Be quiet. Don't move. And it's like >> she said the ladies grabbing ass and said I'm in charge. But it was uh Yeah. I didn't I I >> You don't want to be over there with the Asians. I'm not going to make you sit down on the [ __ ] substitutes bench. >> Yeah. So it was fun. I would definitely go back. It's defin It's a It's a fun night. You go there especially if you roll their stag. I mean, dude, ratio is in your favor. >> Uhhuh. >> It's mostly >> How many people are going on their own? >> Oh, there's a couple. There's a lot of women actually go, >> but they're going as girly group thing. >> But you need a male partner. >> Hard hard to peel off a chick from a group of chicks, though. >> But in a in a d in a formal in a formalized dance setting, easy as it's like as easy as it gets, >> of course. Because they've got legitimacy to leave the friends at least for a bit. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. But you >> there's that there's that like inner feminine kind of rivalry where it's like now whoever you ask to dance it's like oh cool >> because of >> not them. Yes. >> Because of the ratio >> because of the ratio. >> Yeah. It puts them it really throws them in like an upside down world where you now you're the commodity. You get to be like my lady. >> I was peeping all this with my wife. I was like this is great. >> Yeah. Watching the watching the dynamic go on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As you stepping on her feet. It is going to be hard though if you're not good at dancing and you're like okay I need to do this thing. I need to lead them. You said you need to navigate the traffic of the rest of the room as well and you're trying to like lay down some game at the same time plus get the phone out. You're like, you know, can you do the thing? Can you do the nudgy thing like take your number before I'm going like spin it around and stuff? >> Yeah. I mean, you have to go a couple times. There's a lot of old men that go there and they just like they're like experts at it and they just kind of twirl young chicks around for like two hours at a time. And then also the the instructor kind of feeds them like don't if you see Dale, he'll spin you around. Don't you dizzy. Don't don't be shy. and she kind of like feeds him over. It's pretty wild. >> Yeah. Like this does begin like sounds like it's going to be a Netflix documentary in a few years. >> It's like one of those ashrams where like some yogi that developed a new type of yoga but all of his disciples were the ones that were feeding in the new followers. >> Yeah. >> It Yeah. Like the Nexium cult. >> Yeah. That's what's that one? What's that? >> That was the uh God, who was that guy? He was He was like branding chicks. He was getting chicks brand. Yeah. He was just serium cult here in America where I don't even know what he did really. It was just he just had this cult and then the the thing he did that was genius. Obviously he's a cult leader. He's having sex with all the women in the cult. There's married couples. So he instituted a rule where everybody has to kiss on the lips when they greet each other. So that way he could just kiss every girl on the lips and no one they wouldn't know that he was [ __ ] all of them. It was pretty kind of an ingenious move. Yeah, there's Well, I mean, what's interesting is that he decided to brand the women in the cult as opposed to just using crab apples in a slingshot. >> He could. >> He could have just got them from way further away. >> True. He could have came from anywhere >> if he got really good with He could have written something on the side of him. >> True. >> That would have been really good. >> Yeah. No, he uh he was brand apparently at all. You get in trouble. He got in trouble for sex trafficking. So, whenever you move a lady across state lines to have sex with her, that's when it's like >> Isn't that crazy? Yeah, >> that was the thing. Who was it that >> under false pretenses? That's a key term. >> Who was it that got fully diddled for that across state lines trafficking women across state lines thing recently? There was some big case and that was the main like tons and tons and tons and t no E. >> Epstein or Diddy? >> It was Diddy. >> Diddy, correct? You said Diddle, too, which is funny. Yeah, it was it was it was uh it was Diddy that they got you. I don't know if he actually got charged for sex trafficking, but that was the one they were trying to run. >> State lines. Yeah. But under false pretenses. >> But what what's the issue with the state lines thing? Why is that? >> I don't know. >> Like so under false pretenses within the state is fine. >> I think so. >> So I get into a motel that's just across. >> Yeah. If you can trick a woman, if you're in Texas, you can trick Texas women. If you trick a woman in Oklahoma, [ __ ] >> You're going to jail. >> And it's it's all false. It's a very vague thing. That's what that's Yeah. It's what people get in trouble for because it's like if you lure someone here saying, "Hey, I have a job for you." And they travel. And then I don't know, you brand them and keep them like your slave in the base. Then you get in super big trouble for >> double making them go across. >> Double trouble. Yeah. Yeah. And worst of all, he made them go to Oklahoma. Yeah. And then it's like, oh my god, we we must take him to jail. The guy's a monster. >> Yeah. It's a very weird rule. I've always thought about it. It's a it's a it's a it's one of those things that it's like it's really weird. >> Can you Can you chat? Why Why is it Why is it cross state lines for what is it? >> Sex trafficking. sex. Well, it's like trying to work out why sex trafficking is so bad dot dot dot across state lines. Yeah. Just seems like Well, it's, you know, within state lines. It's not great. >> Yeah. It's just one of those extra char. It's like an enhancement they toss on you. >> It's like an upgrade. Do you want to go super large on the on the happy meal? Super size it. >> Yeah. I don't I don't know. It's it's a but it's one of those things I think that's very important in these cases where that they if they can get you on that, that's how they kind of get you. >> Have you been Oh, here we go. Crossing state lines isn't inherently considered more evil than committing state sex trafficking within one state. The reason it's treated more seriously in US law, it's largely about jurisdiction and federal authority. >> Oh, >> not greater moral blame. >> Oh, because it's like >> we do get higher penalties. That's what they're saying. Someone can be prosecu prosecuted for sex trafficking even if every act occurred within a single state as long as the conduct has the required connection to interstate commerce. >> Uh oh, hang on a second. So >> that brings the FBI in. >> But so sex trafficking under current federal law, someone can be prosecuted for sex trafficking even if every act occurred in a single state as long as the conduct has the required connection to interstate commerce. So, if it doesn't, if you manage to find a locallyowned motel >> and you don't use a payment processor that like roots it through [ __ ] Delaware or something, you pay in cash, like sex trafficking is just free. That seems like a loophole that needs to be closed. >> Yeah, they get you for tax evasion then. >> Oh, okay. Yeah. Where did that cash come from? >> Have you seen this day John Love thing? This case that's everywhere. >> Who's Was that the guy? Who was that? >> The fake football player from the 49ers. >> Yeah. Yeah. who's been going around saying I I caught that. I was like in I was actually doing a podcast. I went to the bathroom and I was like checking my phone. I saw someone I know was like one of the influencers I follow was just kind of like oh man I almost thank God I didn't pay this guy and I didn't even know he wasn't a player. I'm like damn why was he asking that guy for 200,000 bucks and I came back and was like yeah that was >> it was a dude. >> Yeah that said this. >> Oh yeah. >> So he was trying to dle men and women especially women. Yeah, I think he was really going for the women women's money, but yeah, there was a guy influencer I know who was like a health guy and he got like they tried to go for him. >> Yeah. So, he was >> he went for 200,000. He's like, "Give me 200k and I'll like promote your, you know, electrolytes or whatever." >> I think he didn't have that many followers on it wasn't a huge So, yeah, for the people that don't know, this guy pretended to be a 49ers player and he was >> starting wide receiver. >> Oh, here we go. Uh, 35-year-old Dejon Love, who federal authorities say faked an entire NFL career as a 49ers wide receiver to scam others, has been arrested and charged with defrauding over 26 women out of more than $1.3 million. Love allegedly met women through dating apps, convinced many they were in a legitimate romantic relationships with him and portrayed himself as either a wealthy NFL player or a successful real estate investor. Uh, fake 49ers, fake Instagram theme presence, fake banks and investor. I think he had like uh an 18-year-old that he would put on um FaceTime and was like, "Oh, this is my investment adviser." And it's just like one of his friends who was 18 years old. And uh yeah, he one one woman lost around 87,000 and helped him get a McLaren to qualify for the McLaren. He made her a fake payub saying she earned about 50k a month. Another woman gave him seven grand for an apartment he never got for her. Another gave him around 30 grand for a Mercedes. After a while, you just think like these people kind of deserve it. Yeah, the the romance scams are really really messed up. Also, working him working out on the beach is hilarious. Just a football helmet on the beach is like that's one that I'd even catch. Like, hold on a second. I don't see >> me. I remember Tom Brady. >> Yeah. >> Swim shorts. >> Yeah. Just like a regular football. >> It's a memor. It's a It's a memorabilia helmet presumably. Does Is there not one of him? I swear he's got his helmet like in the car at some point. Have a look on here. Keep going. >> Yeah, that one's hilarious. >> Go back. >> It's him like expl There it is. You got to got to have the helmet. I'm just popping the helmet in the passenger seat. Why is it not in your bag? >> Yeah. Yeah. I don't know this uh you know what this is? This is uh karma from the bad men of the world for the Lindsy Clansancy case. This is the them trying to come back around. This is like some dude like comically going like there's something that women are getting complained about at for at the moment. I'm going to I'll leave in the stakes and I'll give her something that men can be >> complain. I'm sure Clancy is the lady who everyone's trying to like get her out of jail right now. The protesters. Dude, >> it's a mistrial. >> That's a rough look. It's a It is a mistrial. >> It's a mistrial. One guy, one supposedly allegedly one male juror >> held out for 6 days. It was 111 and the one juror was like, "No, no, murder. >> Not doing it. >> Mist trial." So just she's like free at the moment. >> What? Or is she on bail? Would she be on bail? Well, >> is she has she can you work out if she's got bail or not? But mistrial, so they've got to do they've got to run it back. >> Do it again. They've got this whole thing has got to happen again at least again or maybe go up to some bigger court. >> Dude, it's I so I was actually reading about this uh last night and I didn't realize first of all it happened like three years ago, three or four years ago. The husband's already he's remarried. >> But the weird thing is it's been 3 years is quite a long time. It's not a long time to get over something traumatic. But for everyone that I didn't I'd never heard Lindsay Clansy's name until 3 weeks ago. >> Yeah. >> And for him this is part of Think about where you were three years ago. three and a half years ago. Like that was quite a long time ago. >> It was a while, but it's like Yeah, but I think I think he's just like I could be wrong. I think he just like works in an office. Like an office job. Yeah, just has like an office job. That would be that'd be insane. >> I had a psychiatrist earlier on this week and he worked in the ward where she was discharged from. He like knows the doctors that prescribed her all of the medications, the people that looked after her care, everything. And there's a little bit I think especially a lot of guys sort of defaulted to she killed her kids like >> uh and then there was a little bit of me as he was expl it was an hour of him just explaining the deep neuroscience of what happened with the pharmarmacology and and and um what happens with the psychosis and how all-encompassing and and like totally compelling it is and basically your agency is taken away from you. They use the example talking of like farting and shedding. He used the example of, you know, when you go to the bathroom and you take a dump and you're like, "One, huh, one wipe wasn't enough. Like, I need to go again." And you don't even think about it. You just do it. Said, "Oh, that's kind of what psychosis is like. You don't even think about it. You kind of just get compelled." So, he's an hour of him explaining it to me. And as he was doing it, there was a little bit of me that was thinking >> this is I thought I had my position. >> Mhm. And now you have decided to like just pull the pin on this grenade. And now I h now I'm all conflicted again. And now I'm in I'm now I'm with everyone else. He's like I don't know what the how do we deal with this as a society? >> Here's the thing to me. It's it's like yeah it is it sucks. It's like the whole situation sucks. The poor I like really felt bad for the dad. I was reading about him last night like damn this guy actually just start his life over. I'm like that sounds sad. And then you have the lady who it's like, yeah, she, you know, strangled her children to death and, you know, maybe she was in psychosis. The thing, too, is like if she had been a meth addict and got high on meth and then killed her kids, everyone would be like, "Yeah, throw the book at her." >> Since I guess she's trying to get, you know, help or whatever, it's slightly different. My my only problem is when like cuz you get you have people now who even like neuroscience types who are like free will is an illusion. We don't have free will. It's just all it's all expression of genetics. And it's like, okay, well, if that's the case and somebody does this, if they're just essentially like a lump of meat, just why not just discard them? >> You know what I mean? Because if we have there's no free will and people are just going to do this kind of thing, which I don't think is her case really because it was like the medication and psychosis. But >> I don't I think you I think you got to park I think I think you just got to park those people forever. It's like look, this isn't fair. This sucks. >> That there the thing is she is going to be parked forever. It's is she going to be parked with culpability or is she going to be parked with uh an excuse or reason, right? It's like she's going to be >> well, if she gets to psychosis, I think she's uh mandatory like psych psychiatric asylum for a per year at a time with her case to be reviewed every year. So, there's a world she gets. Yeah, I think she'll only be held for a year. I could be wrong, but I think she'll only be held for a year >> before she gets reviewed. >> It gets reassessed. And they could keep her forever. They could reassess her every year. she could get out. So, it's one of those things where it's like even even if it's pure psychosis, if someone can fall into that level of psychosis and obviously it's on record, it's like, yo, you kind of got to be >> She's a distinctive looking lady as well. It's going to be very hard to come out even in 5 years time and not not be >> Well, she's paralyzed too, right? >> That as well. >> Yeah. But all of that, >> this dude is it's it's I think the saddest thing that's ever it's like not the saddest thing. really [ __ ] sad, >> but it's as close to as sad as it gets. >> There's I mean, dead kids, suicide attempt, paralysis, like postpartum depression, public scrutiny, loads of women wearing pink. It's It's OJ Simpson for white women. That's what it is. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. >> It really is. It really is. It's also, again, it's one of those things where it's like, >> I'd love to ask the protesting ladies like, what do you want to see happen in this? you do you want to have her to live with you? Like what what are we talking about? What are we what are we are you going to take care of this lady? You know, cuz he's like the state failed her, put her in the hands of state mental care. It's like maybe not if the state failed so badly cuz that's where she's going back to. You got to park her. You got to give her the bane treatment, dude. And it's like sad. >> Bottom of a well. >> You got to chain. Yeah. Or Yeah. >> Bulk her up. Feed her pizza for a while. [ __ ] lock her in. >> Dude, it's so [ __ ] up. And I did the same thing. I heard about that. I'm like, "Fuck that lady, dude." And then you read about it, you're like, "God, that's so [ __ ] sad." But it's also like she's a sick ticket, dude. It's like you get once you strangle your children in the basement, it's like all bets are off in my book. It's like it's just it's sad. It's [ __ ] up. There's complexity to it. But it's like, >> you know what else is interesting? I think uh you look at the gender split of support for and against. almost exclusively women who are in support, >> but not necessarily only men that are against because mothers kind of get split into two groups. Cuz some of the mothers, especially the ones that have been through postpartum, go, "Wow, that was [ __ ] rough. That was really hard." And maybe I think Dr. K gave me the stats. He says about three in 10,000 get postpartum psychosis. And of the psychosis sufferers, 5% get homicidal ideiation thought things. So it's like a chunk of a chunk of a chunk like but because there's 60,000 births a day in the US, the law of large numbers means there's like one person every one lady every day who's maybe going to have this homicidal thoughts with the psychosis and all the rest of this stuff. He's like, you know, explaining it to me and going through all of this. But what that means is there's some women who will see the beauty and the delicate nature of their children and just get the total tiger mum mother bear like I can't believe that this would happen aggression. >> And then there's another group of ladies who are going to think I was close to feeling down and bad and I wasn't myself. So even that is kind of split into two >> different groups. It is it >> stuff like this. I mean, you do you ever think when situations like this occur, Netflix, all of the executives must just be going like, >> "Yes, [ __ ] come on. >> Here's six more hours of content." >> Exactly. They've got This is season two. Netflix just renewed season two of a documentary they haven't finished filming. >> Well, they must have done cuz they're going to run the trial back. >> Oh, they'll they'll have Yeah. >> We'll rip. They're thinking to themselves, they're like, "Well, there's episode five." Yeah. And then [ __ ] they're doing it again. Right. Okay. We finish it in five episodes. We'll run it back for season two. This is like making a murderer. Yeah. You're like, "Hey, keep the case going." Yeah. Come on. >> Keep it. Yeah. This is another This is another season. >> Tell me if this sounds familiar. You train regularly. You eat reasonably well. You feel fine, but you're just kind of going off vibes. Most people have absolutely no idea what's going on inside their body. 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But it's really I what I think though is that like I would say especially women are not supposed to be by themselves after they have babies. Like that's a thing that like that's how people live now. It's not what you're supposed to do. Like they really should be like as soon as you have a kid, you should be with other mom ladies and other ladies and just like you should have a lot of people around you at all time. It's I think it's a relatively pretty new thing of like just have a kid and sit in a [ __ ] house for a year by yourself as a lady. Yeah, I think especially it's like really [ __ ] up. >> I asked uh literally an expert who wrote a book called Dad Brain. So there's Mum Brain, which you lose about 3% of your gray matter. It's like executive function. You forget where the keys are. But what is interesting is you actually become better at knowing about stuff to do with the kid. You're just really bad at knowing about some other stuff. You managing your calendar or doing finances or whatever. And dads have kind of the same sort of thing. I was talking to her and she thinks the same thing. She thinks that it's almost exclusively mediated by is there support? Do you feel like you're well contained and held by the local community? There used to be this time, Luis Perry taught me about this. There was this time called laying in. You ever heard of this? So laying in was a month-long period in the Middle Ages where a woman that had just given birth, all that she did was lie in the living room or whatever. And everybody had to >> do stuff for her, like be nice to her, like bring her food, help her go to the bathroom, help her get washed, like what do you want? Do you need a shoulder rub? Like we'll look after the baby. like it's just everybody was as kind of probably a >> infuriating amount of attention like actually if you were a bit of an introvert you're like okay this has been nice but I would like you to leave and um that was it and now you think >> no mandatory maternity leave and people are back in the [ __ ] solo cubicle office within like we still haven't even physically recovered >> oh yeah >> haven't haven't physically >> and now you're at work going like I make you know I have to make more than basically um daycare basically if I don't make as much as dayare care then I'm at home. >> You're running on a treadmill. It's you versus daycare and if you don't run fast enough you like >> get kicked off the back of it, >> dude. It's Yeah, it's brutal. And especially when you have a kid that first like two weeks or so, everyone's like, "Hey, everyone's stopping by." And then it's just like that's over and it's just you and you're like, you know, if you're you're just sitting there, you're nursing it all the time. That's like constantly releasing hormones when they're feeding from you that you don't produce enough milk to produce. It's it's kind of a nightmare, dude. It really is uh should be revisited as to like how people go about doing that kind of stuff because it's it's not it's not good at all. I think we got the 90-day maternity leave from uh there was just like a therapist back I think it was an English guy who was just like winnott he was just like yo you got to give these you got to give these people like at least a couple months. Yeah. He he determined he was like 90 days is the bare minimum. >> Nine months mandatory. >> Is it really? >> Mhm. >> Yeah. I don't think we do that here. I think we got like >> I think people can go >> turn and burn. Yeah. >> Yeah. He's got to get got to get you back into the meat grinder, dude. Yeah, there's some emails that need to send in. Come on. >> It's nine. You said it's nine months. >> Nine months. You can pick when as well. So, if you want to do from a month before and then have eight months after or my business partner's wife was like like trying to take it up to the [ __ ] limit. Like, absolutely. Like, she went to a Spice Girls concert the day she was due and then went the day after. Like we gave birth the day after and they were like, "Look, if we give birth while Jerry Halwell's on stage doing like what I want, what I really really want, it's fine. That's fine." Like what? That's kind of a cool story. But they had floor tickets. >> That's how Spice Girls are made. >> They had floor tickets. >> That's insane, dude. Floor tickets. >> Floor tickets in the middle of a stadium for Spice Girls as a concept. It was seated, right? But like, >> bro, that's big. >> Crazy. >> Massive. Like on a Swiss ball this morning. Spice Girls tonight. >> Oh, just imagine like I was at the Spice Girls concert and then like some ladies water broke next to me and it was [ __ ] wild. >> Yeah, it does. It definitely when you're like with a woman who goes through the whole process of like being pregnant and giving birth, it really does like flip a switch in your head where you're like, "Wow, you guys can do cool stuff." Not in a bad way. I know that sounds patronizing, but I got >> before that. I just like you just got in the way of my farting. It it really I should say that's a horrible way to put it, but it really does give you a deeper appreciation where you're kind of like damn that's cuz they they [ __ ] champ. Child birth is terrifying. >> And you watch them go through it and you're like where the [ __ ] was this [ __ ] stoicism? Where was this [ __ ] I've known you for three years. Like I've seen belly aches take you out. Now you're just dude literally like if I pass out, grab me. I'm like okay. Like what the [ __ ] like like battle vest jocker willing to st your wife's body. >> He comes in in camo fatigues with a [ __ ] rifle. >> It's like kind of in it's like terrifying. You see it they're just it's unbelievable. But yeah, that that is that is a thing that kind of completes the whole picture. You're like, "Oh, okay. All right. This is now I can see the full kind of spectrum here." >> The lady navy seal transition is crazy. I wonder uh how what what changes what changed with you? Like how did you change? Well, when having kids are saying, >> "Yeah." >> Um, well, the the main one is it's kind of funny. The main one is like kind of painfully obvious. It's like you don't realize and not even like in a bad way. I don't know if it's like a necessarily a bad way cuz I think everyone does this. Just how self-absorbed how all of your thoughts are just like bong bong bong like all day long. And it's like natural. It's very natural. Then you have like a kid and you're like it literally just plants almost like another self in your brain that you're always thinking about this person. and you're still thinking about yourself and then like it's it's very weird how that works cuz it is cuz you notice like you know you're like all right it's time I'm going to do this and you're like you have to do something with your kid and you're like >> all right I'll get to that later then you start being like I'll never get to that other thing like it's just not happening like I'm never going to do it and you kind of go through this weird kind of like inner transformation over time where you're like just letting certain things die off and but it's it's nice because you know you feel good to like >> but like no one really enjoys is an insane level of selfishness. I think too much attention on yourself. I I saw this tweet the other week that said something like um you're not autistic. You're just spending too much time in the house on your own and it's making you weird. >> And I also don't think you you should like I don't think your brain's designed to think about yourself for more than like 30 something years. >> Cuz I had a kid when I was like in my 30s and I remember being like >> I've played all the hits of like why don't I do this? I'm gonna do this. And I'm like I remember thinking like just getting kind of [ __ ] old. I'm like circling all these tracks and you have a kid, you're like, "All right, thank God. I can just think about you now." >> Yeah. Jimmy Carr talks about saying it's um uh having a child is um uh it's a surgical procedure where your own heart now lives outside of your own body. >> Yeah. >> Like you just okay now this is the thing that's the most important. But yeah, I mean I I definitely believe a lot of the malaise and like business pursuits and and like weird habits and and like obsessions that guys have are just surrogate families they haven't got around to yet. You think so much of this would be fixed if you just had a >> Yeah. >> had a baby that you were looking after because it would clean out all the barnacles off the bottom of the ship or maybe it would just completely torpedo your life cuz you can't afford it. I don't know >> that too. But also it is there is something where it's like um like I've tried a lot of stuff. If I had a kids I'd be like all right I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. And you do things you're like I guess it's kind of cool. When you have a kid it's like it like clicks in a very obvious set groove in your brain. You're like yes this makes sense why I'm doing this now. Cuz I would do things I'm like why am I even doing this? And you're just like okay this all makes sense. Yeah. It's like it's like a bakedin kind of purpose. It's just And it's funny, too, because like when you examine it from like, you know, like advantages and all this stuff, it's like just more so disadvantages. Like I get hit in the nuts constantly. I get woken up early. Dude, kids just hit you in the nuts, >> right? As soon as Well, they're like they're hand they'll like go to like hit you. >> They're nut heighted. >> They're just nut height and they just go and they'll they'll jump on your nuts. They just they're just like, "Oh, they don't have any concept of like nuts." >> So they just jump. They just jump like I'm about to land on my dad. Boom. Right in the nuts. Punch you right in the nuts. So, you're getting your nuts are just getting obliterated never endingly. You're waking up all the time. You never get sleep. You're every day you're like, I'm, you know, making meals, doing stuff, and it's like you it's just you're happy to do it. It's weird. It's like a very uh I don't know. It's like a very fun when you think about like the deals laid out like all right, what am I getting out of this? And it's like you get repaid with like like last night I was about to go to bed and I did I saw they had we have like an inflatable alien thing in our house. They won from like Chuck-E-Cheese and they had dressed it up in a Princess Peach dress. So I'm going I look up the steps. It's just an alien in a princess beach dress. And you just laugh for like five minutes like what the [ __ ] And and it's like that you get like little rewards from just like complete nonsense. >> Just random [ __ ] Well, I wonder if you could market this is my showing how much I've spent time in America that if you're on a TV show, you can commercialize yourself into a cereal that given that dads get hit in the nuts a lot. Maybe you could make a special cup that's designed just for dads. >> That wouldn't be bad. >> The dad cup. >> Yeah, it wouldn't be bad. Just wear it for a couple actually. Not a bad idea. Even if it wasn't full because sports cups can be a little rigid, but even just a little bit of padding needs to dampen it a bit. >> Yeah. Just a little bit because you get it's it you react in the moment as if some just random guy came up and punched you in the dick. You're like, "FUCK THE FUCK." AND THEY'RE LIKE, you're like, "I'm sorry, guys. I'm fine." You're like instantly like, "We're about to fight." And you have to be like, "Ah, sorry guys. I'm fine." >> It just really hurts me when you do that. >> You've got to try and explain it. >> Child language. Yeah. Like, "Does it hurt now?" I'm like, "No, it's going to hurt. Hold on. Just give me 10 seconds." Like, "Yeah, here it comes." But yeah, >> but it it it really does though. It helps me for me. It really put into perspective like, "Okay, I love my kids a lot. That other human being's somebody's kid. I should try to be as nice as I can to them if I, you know, if I can help it because >> was somebody's kid in the past as well." >> Well, now you have like you have um I don't know what you would call it, but it's like now you have something people can be like, "I hate cuz if someone's like, "I hate you. I'm like, whatever. I don't give a [ __ ] Someone's like, I hate your kids. I'd be like, [ __ ] you, dude. So, you're like, I can't be cuz if someone were that mean to my children, it's more so like do unto others as to yourself, >> but like your kids are like 10 times, you know, >> that goes back to your thing about at what age do we say, okay, this person's culpable like this is >> this is your you you're responsible for. Sam Harris has this great thought experiment. You know, U Hussein is Saddam Hussein's son. >> Okay. Have you ever read about what he did? >> No. He's bad guy. >> He makes his He actually makes his father look like a a lovely man. Like a very very nice man. >> He's like Mini Koopa. >> Crazy how ruthless he was. He would like turn up at weddings, kill everybody except the husband, then assault the wife in front of the husband, then kill the husband, then kill the wife. Jesus. >> Just because he could. like it was why I once had a a guy on the podcast who uh had to look after him as he flew to Vegas and like get him cocaine and all of this stuff and he was just going around Vegas trying to be this warlord from the Middle East. But anyway, Sam Sam Harris has this um example. It's kind of like maybe one of the most evil guys that's ever lived. >> Yeah. >> And you say uh at what point does Uday Hussein become culpable for his actions? You say, "Okay, so he's two years. he's got the genetics of his a warlord father, right? >> Um and he's 3 years old and he's pushing the other kids in nursery or whatever he had. And you go, well, you know, he's three, like kind of not really. And you go, okay, roll the clock forward. He's six and he's pulling the wings off of flies. >> Uh and he's grown up in this honor culture, this sort of father, the genetics, but then this reinforcement of dad is he lets him do everyone lets dad do whatever he wants. Okay, well he's six like he's and then you go okay like just roll the clock forward >> like at what point and it's really difficult. I'm not saying that people that are adults aren't responsible or kids aren't responsible for what they do, but it's kind of it [ __ ] you up as a question because you go I don't know. You do look at a kid and think, well, no. And we also even have that reflected in the legal system where there's juvie, right? Or an equivalent. >> Yeah. >> Why ya where that Johnny Chang guy went young offenders or whatever it's called? Young adult thing. Uh yeah. Yeah. At what point does this horrible guy, like maybe one of the worst people that's ever lived, do you point the finger and go, "Yeah, you're now you're responsible for what you did." And the same thing with, "Well, he was someone's son at some point." >> Yeah. >> And but some people are [ __ ] and you're allowed to say you hate them. >> Yeah. Well, it's also like Yeah. Again, he was Saddam Hussein's son, so I think most people are like, "Fuck both of those guys." But it's like it is it just kind of colors your thinking. You know what I mean? Where you're kind of like, "Yeah, you know, let me" Like more for just like strangers would like do stuff. Usually, you know, you're driving around, you're like, "Oh, that guy like offended me somehow." I'm just going to go nuts and you start to kind of be like, "H, maybe that guy's having a," you know, small stuff like that. But I feel like once somebody does irreparable harm to another person, you're able to be like, it's sad that is someone's child. But, you know, we got 8 billion of us here. We got to that guy's >> we got enough. Sorry. >> Yeah. Put them away. >> Yeah. You lost You lost your chance. >> Yeah. Exactly. I feel like it comes a point where it's like, you know, it's not ideal, but you're like, "Bro, get out of here." Yeah, >> it' be nice to be like, "Oh, let's just like put you away in like one of those Norwegian jails where you get to learn drums or whatever." And it's like, >> I don't know. Some people just got to be, you know, be tossed away. >> Got to learn. >> They have, Dude, the the jail in Nor uh Norway is kind of sick. >> There's a I'm pretty sure there's a quiz on the internet, which is, is it a Norwegian jail or a British university halls of residence? And it's essentially impossible to work out which one it is. And like the halls of residence a lot of the time were old jails that were just near a university and then they cleared people out. That was the case in Newcastle where I went. One of the halls of residence used to be like a a correctional facility. Really? Yeah. And they just like >> that's a big building. We can probably put students in there. That'll be fine. And >> you just want to change Yeah. paint. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Put some paintings up, you know, like change the color. Get rid of the bars and uh we'll be fine. >> That's crazy. I used to have an I was well I used it as an office but I had an apartment that was in an old insane asylum. It's pretty cool. It was an when you had to get in there was just like kind of like labyrinth under to get kind of like you know the basement level. It was [ __ ] terrifying looking. >> Are you not worried about ghosts and [ __ ] like that? Is >> I didn't sleep there. If I had slept there I'd have been terrified. I was just there. It was like my apartment office apartment. So I would go there and work during the day but I never slept there. I would be so scared of crazy ghosts for sure. >> No thank you. Baby Stranglers. >> In other news, have you ever noticed how some websites make it ridiculously easy to buy while some feel infinitely harder? >> Back in my day, I had to walk 10 miles to the local store. >> Aren't you younger than me? >> Yeah, I bet my dad got a DUI. >> Anyway, the reality is most businesses just get the website wrong. And if your setup is messy, you lose a ton of sales, which is why I'm such a massive fan of Shopify. They power 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, including brands like Gym Shark, Skiims, Aloe, and Newtonic. Because when it comes to converting browsers into buyers, they are best-in-class. Their checkout's 36% better on average compared to other platforms. And with Shopay, you can boost conversions by 50%. So upgrade your business and get the exact same checkout that we use at Newtonic with Shopify. You can sign up for a free trial period by going to the link in the description below or heading to shopify.com/modernwisdom. That's shopify.com/modernwisdom. I know that you're into uh writing and and and stuff. Have you ever read Leo Toltoy's uh diary entries? Have you ever seen any of these? >> I've read some of his short stories. >> Might be some of the best diary entries ever. >> What was he what was he on about? >> Yeah. September 19th, 1858. Decided that one must love and work and that's it. September 20th, tired, didn't work, and didn't love. Just the best. Uh March March 31st, 1852. Woke up at 6:00, woke everyone up. I did not get up and slept until 9. That's it. That's his whole time. January 25th, 1851. I've fallen in love or imagine that I have went to a party and lost my head. Bought a horse, which I don't need at all. The guy sounds [ __ ] awesome. >> Yeah, he does, man. He Tolstoy was another one of those Russian guys, right? The Russian writers are unbelievable. >> Bill different. >> Yeah, come 100%. Dude, >> they'd be living in the insane asylum. They would love that. >> They're wild dudes. I'm I'm reading a Dossi book right now or however you say his name. And it's Dude, those guys are that time. I don't know when Tulso was live, but that like 1890s Russia time period just I was it's insane because like you know obviously there's no cell phones or whatever but like you're just in a town full of people and like they would obviously have their beefs and quarrels and stuff but like you couldn't like you know you can text someone out like hey what do you want to do and if they don't get back to you like they want to hang out you'd have to go to someone's house and they'd be like go away and you'd be like what the [ __ ] your problem? You like I don't like you and you'd be like okay [ __ ] >> Do you think this is unique to Russia? Well, it's just that time period in general, >> but it was just like, you know, there just the way they talked to each other is so fun. I think in general probably the whole area >> the way that beef unfolded before cell phone before being able to make phone calls is well everything's face to face. >> And it was also that like old time kind of like vocal register where they'd be like your your presence offends me. Get out. Cuz you would dude it's like they do it in the book where like you got to find matches. So we don't know where your matches are. They were like your cell phone cuz like if you were if it was night time you had to light matches, light a candle. People would just come into your house and be like, "Hey, was Hey, I need my wife's given birth. I need or I need a So, you're just sleeping." He's like, "Who's there?" And you'd be like, "Oh, it's me." Like, "Get out. I don't like you." And he's like, "Hey, I need to talk to you now." And he'd be like, "Be gone, fool." And be like, "Where are my matches?" And you'd be fumbling around in the dark. And you'd light a match and be like, "Oh, [ __ ] It's some other guy." And dude, it was like just [ __ ] it was crazy to think about. They'd be like, "Well, very well. I shout and come back and I I'll I'll leave you here, you wretched beast." He'd be like, "You're a fool." It was just like, "All right." Then you just go to bed. You're like, "Fuck that guy." >> The idea that you're in your entire existence is relying on whether or not you can find your matches and you've got you've got beefs that play out in I mean, >> [ __ ] It's crazy. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a >> that those Russian guys are [ __ ] wild, man. There there was a I think I think it was Toltoy actually. He had a story about a guy and it was maybe it was like an old folktale that he like just wrote down, but there was this guy who had like a farm and he was like, "Damn, this farm's cool. I need a bigger farm." He got an even bigger farm and he's got greedy from more and more land. Eventually he went to these like >> I don't know what they would have been like indigenous Russian kind of like Inuit types >> and he went and found those guys and they're like dude if you can have all the land you want he traded them something for it. He's like but you got to walk it off and as far as you walk from sun up to sun down if you make a like a circle or square and connect the dot we'll give you all that land. He's like right on. He walked so far he ended up just like dying basically cuz he kept walking trying to get there ran and just dies and they was like I bury him like what the [ __ ] [ __ ] >> the most Russian story. Yeah >> I read um it's called A Swim in a Pond in the rain and it's basically nine short stories Russian short stories and after every page the guy that actually wrote the book explains how to read it. >> Yeah. Who was that by Sa maybe? I forget or something. >> It's kind of famous. >> Yeah. They'll be like, "This one's boring." Yeah. >> Yeah. This >> [ __ ] This one just sucks. But those guys, I don't know what it's it's, you know what it is? It's so stark and just you're reading it, you're like, Jesus Christ, life sucks. >> Doesn't make me feel good. It was actually, we were talking about this before, like some things, some experiences that you go through. You can do NAD, which is this IV thing that's supposed to make you healthy, and it's awful the whole time. It's awful. And then once you finished you, it doesn't feel awful anymore and you go, "Ah, maybe I'm better. Maybe it improved my health or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore." And it's kind of like reading anything about Russian literature or about that period. You're like, "Maybe it's taught me something about my life." Or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore because that sucked. Like it this is it's so >> mean. Everyone's mean and everything's gray and there's not enough food and the horse just died and the wheel of the carriage broke and someone's son just got like [ __ ] you know, leukemia and no one even knows what leukemia is and I was about to die of dissentry but I you know and then you go oh that's over and now I feel better about my life by contrast. >> Yeah. It gives you like 30 seconds and you're right back to being like >> I'm bored. >> This coffee is too hot. >> Yeah. I don't like this. This bean's over roasted. a hit in the nuts. >> Yeah, just got [ __ ] whacked. >> Yeah, it's um >> that stuff is nice. I I I do like to kind of think about that stuff a lot or just like I really really really challenge myself to not sink into and I and I can do this easily of just like whatever that mindset is of me being like this is bad and just getting like shitty and nasty. It's like there it's for me it's just like it's so inexcusable, dude. It's like you don't what are you doing? That that should be the first for me. I'm talking to myself. >> The number one focus of the day. Usually I'm like, I got to get this. I got to go to this. I'm like, I need to not be just >> whining, >> whining, and just kind of like, well, if I said that to you, Amy, man, just like, dude, shut the [ __ ] up. It's just me personally. I'm like, shut up, man. Why are you doing this? >> So, I I really try to like every day I like wake up and try I'm like, give me one let me try to get it perfect one day. >> Defeat the voice that complains about stuff. >> Just [ __ ] dude. >> It is interesting. the the more that somebody complains, the less accurate their view of reality is because usually you're complaining about reality not meeting your expectations. >> But that's not reality's fault. >> Like it's your fault. >> Yeah. >> It's your fault that reality didn't meet your expectations. Obviously, stuff can happen in the world that's unfair and that sucks or whatever. You should point it out. But the complaining bit >> to yourself, >> yeah, >> it's like why is there all this traffic on the way to work? You go, well, because there's traffic and you didn't anticipate there being traffic, but it's not the traffic's fault. And let's not forget as well that you are traffic. >> Yeah, you're another guy >> [ __ ] contributing to this in the middle in the middle of it. And uh yeah, reality is a thousand and undefeated. >> It's total knockout. Reality is completely undefeated with regards to this. And the more that someone complains, you or you know, if you've got a friend who's always complaining, like I I don't think you understand how the world works. You can't you straight up can't understand how the world works because if you did >> you your expectation would be closer to it and therefore you wouldn't be complaining as much. >> Yeah. No. Yeah. It's 100% true. Or for me it's like raising if things are good I'll find trivial annoyances and I'll just put them to 10 and be like this is [ __ ] [ __ ] and I'll just focus on that for like 4 hours. This is [ __ ] [ __ ] You're like it's not even a real problem. Like that's in comparison to problems you've had before. That's like you can just ignore that. And >> it's strange cuz when you've got loads of big problems, you think, "Oh my god, all of these problems are big." And sometimes you actually have ones where you go, "This is a justifiable issue I need to deal with in life." And then other times when there are no problems, it's like the demand for problems is fixed and the supply needs to be brought up to meet that. It's like I have a waterline of problems that I need to have in my life and I will lower the threshold for what constitutes a problem >> until I'm able to like make the things that are happening in my it's like this [ __ ] I should have got it blended. I should have got it bl I got it on the rocks and I should have got it [ __ ] blended. I know I should have got it blended. Morgan Hel's got this [ __ ] awesome story where he he kind of talks about this. He um planned for a long time to go away to this holiday with his wife and they would done the research about it was the first one I think where they were taking both of their kids. It was going to be this big deal and it was the first time the kids were going to go abroad and they were all excited and you know they've had the kids for a while so they haven't really been able to go away and they've saved up the money and then they even looked at the the restaurant that they were going to go to in this big resort in Mexico or something and they knew even the the the menu in advance and the table. They knew the table they wanted to sit cuz it's got apparently on the reviews it's got the best view of the sunset and this is the cocktail I'm going to get and I'm going to get it blended instead of whatever and then they finally get there and they've got the kids and it's a [ __ ] nightmare and they arrive and they've dumped all of their stuff and it's the first night and the kids are at the nursery thing that looks after them for a little bit and they've got this first time to sit down away from the kids in another country since they've had the kids all the rest of it and the first thing that he thought was well it is nice but like there's some sand between my toes >> and the sand is that's distracting me and I should have got it blended rather than on that. And the sun the sunset look the sunset is nice, but I actually think it would have been I don't think the reviews are quite right and I think that that table there would have been better to see. And I didn't bring my glasses and now the sun's so low it's sort of hitting me in the face and that's kind of a bit uncomfortable. He's like what the [ __ ] am I doing? Like what am I doing? I've dreamed about this thing and the experience is so close, >> but I just the human like curse is to for everything to kind of be not quite as nice as you thought it was going to be and then for you to focus on all the ways in which it's not as nice. >> Yeah. I I I think about it a lot. Like I remember I can like clearly remember, you know, when I like was like kind of living and dying by like I'd have a job or I I [ __ ] hated that job and I was like one day it'll come together and I'll make a living doing a thing I like. And then I remember when that started to become something of a reality and it's like really unsettling. I remember being like so I had all these problems I could rely on be like [ __ ] my boss is a [ __ ] I hate this. I don't have money. Uh, and then that stuff started to go away and I was like I felt like weird. I was like, "Oh, this doesn't really feel good to not have all that stuff kind of like it's always it's like comfortable in a way where like at least I like am familiar with this and then you get out of that and you're like yeah I kind of did it and then it's just like you're flooded with just different problems that you're just when you look at them because you get so used to what life becomes and then you you're like I remember being like I would never fall into that kind of stuff. Then it happens and you're like a [ __ ] doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do. I'm a piece of [ __ ] But yeah, it's, you know, just it really does for me it's just like learning how to just slow myself down and not be such a [ __ ] spaz every day. Like if I if god forbid if I don't get something done or you know just one day if I don't get this or that done and it's like just learning how to like chill and like I don't know man just like really hash out my priorities rather than being like you know just doing the things you think you're supposed to do eventually. You have to perfectly dominate the day and if you don't then you go to bed a loser. >> Yeah. Or just feel >> that's not fair. It's like cuz again with the uh your ability to like dream a world who's always going to outstrip reality's ability to deliver that to you. You're you're literally fantasizing about what this cocktail could have tasted like or how the sunset was or the lack of sand between your toes. >> Yeah. and you think, well, if you set this almost impossibly perfect standard for every single day, you're kind of guaranteeing yourself to be miserable. And um it's interesting on the the you get escape velocity, freedom from this thing when all of the problems and your boss is a dick and you don't like it and you get out of that and then you almost have to grieve this weird life that you lost. Connor, one of my friends who was on the show this week, he talks about how when he had his when his wife was pregnant with his first kid and he'd lived in his car and rode a motorcycle with [ __ ] like spikes glued onto the helmet, like all of the things, red flags in your future son-in-law, like all of the [ __ ] that you don't want somebody to do. >> And his life could have gone in such a horrible direction, like smoking weed and selling weed and drinking booze and getting in fights and doing all this stuff. wasn't a good productive member of society. And then he remembered when he was married with a house and a wife who was pregnant and he had this moment of like I made it out. >> I made it. I made I've finally gotten free of what could have happened in my past life. Yeah. And now I'm >> blown away by what where I am. But he said it made him he didn't even know what it what the emotion was. It was very confusing of like, [ __ ] >> that could have gone so wrong and now I'm in this new place and I don't think that I have to worry about those problems anymore. I don't I don't have to worry about those things that were like my driving for my motivation, my ambition. All of that was driven out of I just don't want to be that guy that I was when I lived in my car in a Walmart parking lot. I just don't want to be that guy anymore. >> Yeah, that's that's the that's the funny thing cuz I I was like possessed to escape like the 9 toive job. That that was like when I when I was younger I I would have you know would have done anything to just get the five like I can't do this been in an office I did that for like you know I would do it for like three weeks and quit remember I was like more I still am I think about it every now and again I'm like dude that like terrified me to such a level where I was taking like insane risks just to get out of that you know and it's like who knows I could always go back at any time but it's like dude I I remember I was thinking about that driving the other day. I was like, "Dude, when I was my my whole my 20s were like just [ __ ] insane. Like I could have died like for sure a couple times. It wouldn't have been that crazy." >> What was the What was the close What were the closest times that you came to? >> Uh I I've had guns pulled on I used to sell weed, too. So I would have guns pulled on me uh twice. So that was like any other day that guy could have been like, "Yeah, I'm just going to shoot actually shoot this guy rather than not do it." And I thought about it and I was like, "Holy [ __ ] man. That was crazy." >> Came really close. >> Yeah. So you think about it and you're like, "Holy shit." Like that would have not have been that crazy. Like >> was that debts and stuff like that? >> Robbery. They were robbing me. I wasn't I was not a robber. I was the robb. So I would get robbed. I would get robbed constantly. I would just be like whatever. [ __ ] it. >> Sounds like the wor You sound like the worst drug dealer ever. >> Well, here's the thing. I Well, hold on. I was It was these other guys that are the worst drug dealers. I was doing my job. I was on time. I was punctual. I was quality control. Very quality control forward. You know, I was I was never trying to rip people off. But for me, I was always for me, money was always to buy kind of freedom. So I never I didn't care about like nice stuff. I never like wasted. I would just save all my money and be like, "Yes, I don't have to work for like six months. This is awesome." Then I would get robbed and I would just be like, "All right, I'll make it again. Come on, guys. Let's go." But like you just you think about it and it's like for me it's like, "Yeah, it's cool, you know, blah blah blah to get out of it and like risk taken." I think that's all good stuff, but then it's like, dude, I could have just like chilled out something internally, too. like I didn't have to go that crazy, you know? I could have I could have >> slowly but surely figured things out and blah blah blah. And it's like, >> yeah, I'm just it's it is a relief. You're like >> never have to worry about that. Like I've got pulled over by cops recently and just kind of like, hey, what's up, guys? Before I would have been like, my life's over. I'm dead. This is terrible. I'm going to jail for it. Now I'm just kind of like, what's up, guys? >> Hello. >> How you doing, brother? >> It's it's it's so nice. >> You sound like a very standup drug dealer. >> He's a nice He's a nice >> Dude, I got that. There's one compliment I always get. They're like, "Dude, you're you're actually on time. You're this, you're that." I was very good. I didn't I never rip people off or anything like that. >> A shame that there aren't Trust Pilot reviews for drug dealers. Wouldn't that be good? >> You'd have had you'd have had a great rating. >> I think that's like the dark web now. So, I think you kind of if you're like a lot of them just operate on the dark web and it's like you can just forego all of the drama and crazy stuff. >> In other news, if you're trying to go from Joey Chestnut to Joey Swoll, the RP Strength app is the best place to start. 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That's rpstrength.com/modernwisdom and modernwisdism at checkout. But the thing is, if you're a drug dealer, a supplier, I guess, on the dark web, the game is completely different because it's not about who you know. It's basically, you're essentially running a Shopify store. Like, how good are you at product photos and like, you know, writing headlines and stuff. >> There's just guys in one-bedroom apartments now just quietly raking in millions of dollars a year. Really quiet, unassuming life. You do it for a couple years. You get out and you're like, "All right, peace." You have a bunch of Bitcoin. I watched this Netflix documentary once about a guy that ran a similar service to the Silk Road from his bedroom and he was young and as a part of the documentary they recreated the bedroom perfectly. the old computer he had, the exact desk he had, the full-on dimensions, put it into a sound stage, and after he got out of jail, sort of put him back into it and seamlessly cut from archive footage of what was going on to like reenactment by the guy in the same size, same shape, same color, same lighting, same computer bedroom. It was so immersive. It was really cool. >> Yeah, that's crazy. But yeah, the uh the fact that being a drug dealer now means that you can basically just be an online marketer. Yeah. It's like, how good are your Facebook ads, dude? It's a very different world to the one that you lived in. >> Yeah, it is. It's uh I I didn't have I I remember hearing about the dark web when I was younger and I know guys who used to do that stuff, but I was like, I'm terrible with computers. I was like, I'm just inst I'm going to click yes and get arrested. So, I'm like, let me just do what I know and just drive around here in my beat up car. But yeah, it was uh you know, it was just I like I think about it now because it is it was just such a weird thing because I I was like it was like a decade. Like I did it for a long time. So I had like a very very long time doing it to where I I think I like fried my nervous system. My hair's I mean my family does kind of go gray early, but I like went hyper gray really fast cuz you're adrenalized every [ __ ] day and it's like so if you're in an office you're bored and that's a problem. So, I escaped that and I was just like constantly flooded with adrenaline just for like 12 years. >> What are you worried about being caught? >> Being arrested pretty much. It's It's mostly being arrested. Any other problem? >> Interestingly, not being killed. >> I didn't I was like, they're not going to kill me. I went there was one guy who pulled a gun on me and then I went back to them later cuz I I was like, "You have to front me stuff from now on." So, I figured in my head like if I didn't have any leverage, there'd be no reason to try to rob me, I guess, if that makes sense. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. >> So, I remember I went back like a battery wife and was just like, "All right, I'll hang out with you again, but don't do that." All right. That was really [ __ ] up. He had thought I had robbed him. That was his whole thing because I had given him money to go get something and he would go get it and come back and he came back like, "Hey, they took all your money. Why the [ __ ] did you I'm like, "Why would I rob you to take my own money back?" And he was like, "I don't know what's going on." He cocked a gun, was holding at me. My roommate at the time came out and was just like, and he ran outside and then he ran after. I was just like, "Oh shit." >> Hang on. The guy did your roommate was the one that got chased. >> Poor poor roommate. No, I did. He just came out like, "Hey, what's up?" >> Yeah, but he was the one that got chased. Well, he he was just like, "Go get him." And I was like I was just frozen. I was like And then he ran out just kind of like I'm out of here, too. But he like ran out right after him. And I was just like, "Fuck." >> Was your roommate not involved in anything? >> Not at all. He was mortified. He was >> You are the worst roommate. >> Horrible. I'm the I am I think I was the worst roommate. I was cool though. I would I would cover, you know, extra stuff. But at that time, >> because you're selling drugs. >> Come on. It's the one thing that you can provide is drugs and cash. That's literally it. But I I it was funny too cuz I did have a uh I had a real serious conscience about it. I remember like weed is like you really conscious free like you know I wouldn't sell to like high school or nothing like that. So it was like >> I didn't feel bad. >> Ethical drug dealer is crazy >> dude. I remember I I dabbled in trying to sell coke which I've never done by the I've never done coke. I tried selling coke for a while and I remember this guy would come get it off me all the time and I I remember stopping people and being like dude you're doing this stuff too much. You have to chill. And they'd be like shut the [ __ ] up. And >> actually an ethical drug dealer is a horrible drug. You're you're the worst drug. >> That was bad. >> Yeah. I can't believe you had a decade career in it. Something that you're bad at. >> Well, it was also though the the weed was my strong suit cuz that was like you're dealing with kind of like-minded people for the most part, you know, and it's pretty chill all things considered. But once you scale up and you get into like bigger money, that's when like a real criminal element enters and that's when >> people Yeah. Yeah. >> So yeah, I know someone who got just shot in the face >> point blank. They try to set up like a, you know, 50 60 lb deal. Someone flew out cross country to meet them is right in the head. >> That was it. Yeah. It's it's like it gets gnarly, but you start off just like slinging ace to like your boys and it's just all very chill. You slowly gets like scarier and scarier. >> Work your way up. You was saying before about uh you know, you walk up the stairs. I mean, I guess your old roommate would have maybe seen something crazy at the top of the stairs, but it wouldn't have been an inflatable alien with a >> Princess Princess Peach. He just replaced one like slightly intimidated, very worried roommate with two small sort of insane. These kids are kind of always on drugs. Like they kind of behave in the manner of a like a child is essentially a drunk adult. Yeah. In tiny form >> for sure. >> You're like, "What are you doing?" Like headstands. Like why? Like I don't know. >> It's rules. Yeah, just sick. Sick. >> Comes up and punches you in the stomach about like I've got my I've got my dad cup on. [ __ ] you. Uh but the difference is my housemate's away in Montenegro at the moment and there is something really like kind of despondent about coming home and nothing's moved. Like nothing's changed. Like that cup is in the exact same place >> as when I left it this morning. And I just want someone to come and like me even if they messed my stuff up a bit. >> Just vandalize it slightly. >> Just a little bit like move the cup or something. I just want new mess or different mess or something like but it's really like oh it's the same. It's the same as it was before. That's there it is. >> It's Dude, it's uh Yeah, that's when I travel for standup like my hotel rooms. It's the same. I walk into that silence and I'm like just kind of people like it must be great, right? I'm like no I don't I really I really dislike it. it. But yeah, that was kind of like my my whole my I guess the thing that I've like learned like horribly in the wrong like the hard way is that like if at my early 20s cuz the problem was is like you at least I think in school it's geared towards like achieve for yourself and yourself alone get into the best school make the best make the most money but then you're like set on this track that you're like like I remember being like in college being like I don't really care about that but I also want to do well and I want to have a nice life and it was like had this big conflict Whereas like if I were to talk to like a a 20-year-old now, I'd be like, >> find something you like to do that maybe benefits other people and that will actually give you enough meaning to like endure the horrible time in your early career where you're eating [ __ ] and everyone, you know, it sucks >> cuz I tried to like lightning jump ahead of that and it just was like a [ __ ] disaster for like 15. It was a one disaster after another just to get out of like I was such a [ __ ] about having a job and being like I deserve more than this. And it's like I I could almost died because >> deserve to have a gunpointed. >> Yeah. I almost literally died because I I could have just like found something else >> because I couldn't drink coffee and sit in a cubic. >> I know, dude. I for real I like see office guys hanging out at like lunchtime like 10 people at lunch and it would get to the point where I would be like envious of them. I'm like dude that actually looks nice. >> Mhm. >> It looks nice. You're there with your friends. Everyone's kind of chilling. >> Don't need to take your work home with you. You're not worried about someone breaking your door down. Your housemate doesn't hate you. >> Yeah. You're just you're just it's so it's like and I remember like almost craving boredom at a point where I was like, I wish I [ __ ] was bored. That'd be awesome. >> Not have to worry about like 90 million different things. And you know, it's like >> people really sort of [ __ ] talk university, going to college or whatever. And then they do the same thing about having a 9 to5. And it's cool to be being able to do your own thing or build your thing or work on someone's thing that's smaller and you've got more ownership over all that shit's great, but it's not it's not necessarily better. And that I don't have to take my work home with me. I get my weekends off when I want. I don't have to worry about like making pay for the people that work for me and like all of that [ __ ] A lot of people think, "Oh, working for myself means I get to choose when I work." But what it results in is you just working all the time. >> Yeah. >> And you go I do you want that? Is that kind of what your dream is? And you're right as well to say that um you're going to have to endure a bunch of like you're going to have to eat some [ __ ] Yeah. >> It's like what flavor [ __ ] can you eat? >> Yeah. >> Cuz some people can eat the cubicle coffee lunch break [ __ ] super easy. >> And other people can eat the I'm never going to get a day off [ __ ] super easy. It's like which what pain do you want in your life? There's that line about um like do what feels like play to you but looks like work to everyone else. >> But that kind of ignores the fact that >> even the most existentially aligned thing that you do in your life is regularly going to feel like work. It's regularly going to feel like [ __ ] So what [ __ ] do you want? >> Yeah. >> Like not what fun and play do you want? It's like even writing your books and stuff. You turn up and you've managed to have the perfect morning and you've seen sunrise and the kids are off and you you trained and you've got the right amount of caffeination and you sit down and you go, >> "Fuck." >> Yeah. >> Just a blinking c you versus a blinking curse. >> Or or you're just twe you're tweaking a sentence for the 30th time and you're just like you're like, "Dude, I feel like I'm going to pass out. I I'm like I'm sitting in a chair. I have no blood going to my brain and I'm like uh is that a perfect claw?" And yeah, it's just anything and I love I love writing and it's like yeah, even then you're like [ __ ] But that that's for with anything. It's like not even like what it's like just why just if if like just figuring out like why are you doing this outside of your own personal gain because that'll fizzle out even if you get it. >> It's like is there a compelling reason to do a thing? >> Is it for other people? Is it for just like you know creating something new of yourself? Whatever the [ __ ] it is. But that that was the one thing like >> I completely missed and I got older and I was just kind of like there it is. >> Yeah. [ __ ] I could have made >> there should be a name for when you disregard cliches and then in future realize that the cliche was right. >> You know, I know. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's it's that thing that everybody says, but because everybody says it, it feels trit, which means that it can't be true, so I'm not going to do it cuz that's [ __ ] gay. And then you realize like, oh god, I already had it. I literally had it and I got rid of it. And it was some [ __ ] my mom said to me when I was 13. Yeah, that was uh I've been reading, you know, Chesterton Williams, the another Englishman, GK Chester. DK. Yeah, GK Chester, that's his name. He uh I I love reading his essays. And he he's has this book I'm reading right now called Orthodoxy where he started out being like, I'm about to come up there. Someone was like, well, he did a book that kind of criticized a lot of other philosophical systems of his time. And someone was like, what's your philosophical system? He's like, all right, get this. Lays it out. And then he goes, [ __ ] this is Christianity. [ __ ] I just explained Christianity. He He starts his book with a the story of a sailor who's off one degree. So he thinks he's going to South Africa and he ends up just rediscovering England. He just goes in a circle and lands back in England like I've discovered England, guys. Check it out. And everyone's like, "Yeah, dude. It's been here forever." >> And it's just such a funny idea. He was like a real like witty, you know, he's obviously a really sharp witty guy. >> And he was like, "I'm about to blow their minds with He's like, "This is the this is" and he just put it together and he was like, "God, this is Orthodox Christianity. Yeah, he said he uh yeah, he was like, you know, he thought he was only like he's like I felt like I was like 10 minutes ahead of like the pulse of everything. Turned out I'm like 1,800 years behind. You dude, you get older and you're all [ __ ] sparks and fireworks. You're like, dude, I'm And then you get old and you're just like, yeah, I'm just another old guy being like, hey, be careful before you make decisions, man. Really? Try to think about other >> Shut up, old man. I'm doing this my way, okay? Advice is lame. >> Try to think about others. You're like, "Yeah, thanks. Thanks, dickhead." >> Yeah. Yeah. And then you find out it's true. The um The Alchemist by Paulo Qualo. Uh I That was like the first book I read. I went >> so long without reading a book cuz I was in uni and I hated academia even though I was okay at it, but I just got so disenchanted within three weeks of being in university. It's like, why am I learning about Henry Ford's principles of scientific management? Like why? This is I I'm never going to need this. So I just immediately started running parties and was like, "Oh, that's sick." And that actually also teaches me business kind of. But I became very uh like flippant and dismissive of any stuff even if it was probably useful. Like no, it's like stupid because I've learned it from a lecturer who has never run a business, right? Which is the interesting thing about typical business courses. Everyone goes to think I'm going to learn how to run a business being taught by people who don't run businesses. >> The business theory guys, I went to school for business as well and I was kind of like, so you're a doctor in business? Like >> why are you not in business? Should you not be like that would be like finding out that you're learning from a doctor that a surgeon or something and you're like >> or like a research do it's like getting surgery by a research doctor. You're kind of like all right this doesn't make sense. Yeah, those guys. That was a So yeah, that's sorry that made me laugh cuz I had a similar experience being like what the [ __ ] what you uh but anyway, so like I I go through university and I'm like this [ __ ] doesn't really I I don't really understand what it is that I'm learning and then I get out on the other side and I haven't read a book in in for like Harry Potter was like the last book I read when I was 14 or something. And then um I go to do Love Island, that reality TV thing, and you have a week of media lockdown where they need to release to the press who's going on the show, but they don't want any of the people that are going on the show to know the other people that are going on the show. So they basically have a guy that supervises you and lives with you for a week and you go and do all of your interviews with the TV and the radio and the press people and then he watches you at all times and you're living in it was Palmer Morca so the south coast of Morca and you have a little geographic area that you're allowed to move in with your chaperon and he follows you 24 hours a day and then all of the other people that are on the show have got different territories and they go to different gyms at different times. times to make sure that there's no chance that you would overlap each. It's really crazy. It's [ __ ] wild. It's like a military operation. And um while I was there, >> they're taking your phone off you and you're not allowed to access the internet. You can't even go to news agents. You're not allowed to go into a news agents on your own in case you know there's an English newspaper that's about to say the new series of this thing and here's the people that are there or whatever. >> And um so I I was I've got nothing to do and all I've done is message people on WhatsApp like, "Hey mate, are you coming out tonight?" for a decade. All I've done is that it's not probably not too dissimilar to your career. And then uh I I've got this book like my mom gave me this book. She said, "You should read this while you're away." So read it. And uh have you read The Alchemist? >> I have. I read it a while ago. >> [ __ ] psychedelic trip to read it. Anyway, the all of that all of that long diet tribe is to say the lesson from that book is um going on a journey and ending up at the same place that you started is not the same as having never left. And I think that that's kind of cool because it can suck to realize, damn, I wasted a long time trying to relearn a thing that I already knew or traveling the seas to come back and go England again. Damn. >> And uh that it that made me feel less like I wasted my time. like you kind of learned that a bunch of experiments that you thought might be right were wrong and now okay like yeah you're back at the place that you started but at least you've gotten rid of all of the things that you thought that might have sucked that might be good for you. >> That's also just like there's no emphasis I I would say on people's interior whatsoever. It's like, you know, it's like work, get a thing, get a job, do this, that. But there's, and at least in American school, there's no class. There's nothing being like, hey, you know, if you feel this way all the time, maybe think about this. Like it's it's I would say because if in the day I put probably, you know, 95% of my day into like getting stuff done, blah, blah, blah. Usually it was like 100% and 0% of like stopping, not even meditating to be like I [ __ ] meditated today, but like just go for a walk, chill, try to like calm myself, just focus on like what's going on inside of myself. And it's like, >> dude, it's just I would say it's >> I mean it's not as important because like if you just like you could meditate yourself, you need to do stuff. You need to do stuff. I'm not being one of those guys where you don't have to do anything, but I really think you need like 10% of your day of being like even if it's like 10 minutes of your day of like slow down, >> maybe like write your thoughts out, do anything to like try to figure out why you're doing what you're doing that day and like what are you feeling like that day? Why are you feeling that? You know, what what's the plan here? >> And I I've never done that. I I don't know many other people who really do it at all. where they're trying to fix the problem by just I'll just throw enough [ __ ] at the wall and maybe some of it will like get through me. Yeah, we did this [ __ ] It would really been so funny to have put Matt on the episodes with Joe, Dr. K, and Connor. So, we had three master coaches like one was a monk in an ashram. Another has gone to Tibet and done ghee [ __ ] iovedic medicine. and another one's coached tens of thousands of guys with Yianni and psychoanalytical theory and shadow work and all of this stuff. We had them around this table and they basically came to that which was like you you should spend some time being aware of why you're doing the things that you're doing and if you're not you're kind of just like in the dark trying to find stuff in a bedroom like picking up something it's like okay this isn't it and you don't even know what you want you don't know where you're going so it is kind of it does kind of come back around that way but the the reason I said about the university thing it's like people give so much [ __ ] to going to uni or having a nineto-5 like university for me ruled >> even if I hated the actual course that I did and didn't learn anything from these lecturers. And then the times that I've had 9 to5s, I >> knew it wasn't going to be forever, but I was like that also was like kind of nice. >> I don't know being disparaging and saying, "Oh, you need to lone arranger make your own way in the world thing is kind of cursing." Oh, let me give you this. This was >> so so embarrassing. So, I went to Bali and did this show at the back end of the Australia tour at the start of this year. met up with a a a friend that used to work for me in nightlife and she was out there um doing nutrition coaching you like hormone optimization and this is how to work with your body and stuff and she'd done some courses online used to work in finance in London she said you know what it is >> I earn like five grand a month and I'm the happiest that I've ever been >> and I used to live in London and have all of these things and whatever and I was like okay tell me how your business works oh well I coach people over WhatsApp one-on-one and how much do you charge he said however much it I was like, "That's stupid." What you need is you need to have a big website. You need to have a funnel and you need to have a low-level deal. The low-level deal is your squeeze page. And once you've got them in, say $5 or $10 or whatever. So, you need to make a lead magnet to get their email addresses. Once you got the email, then you'll upsell them to the small course. And then you've got your mid-level course. And your mid-level course, you don't need to look after. And that's sort of where most of the people are going to be. But then you've got your one-on-one. And your one-on-one's going to be an upsell. But that's going to be like, you know, a grand or a couple of grand. So, you need to have a sales call for that. That means you're probably going to need to learn sales. And then you need to, you know, if you scale up a bit more, you're going to need to get people to do sales. You'll need to do paid. you need to learn how Facebook ads. And I was watching myself going like, what? I stopped. I was like, what the [ __ ] are you doing? She's literally just told you she's the happiest that she's ever been. And you're like, hey, let me curse you with the same problem that every person in history has said not to do. It was so insane. >> Yeah. >> I watched myself go like and I paused and I was like, actually, just disregard everything that I just said. Like, you should just whatever you've done, like you've already done it. And here's me going like, that's stupid. Like, this is what you need to do. >> Yeah. So dumb. Yeah. It's like you need to scale this out of the biggest thing ever. Although I say some of that too is like if I do have any level of expertise in anything, >> I'm so happy to dump that on like especially, you know, I don't know what your relationship if she's kind of a babe. I'd be like, "Let me tell you about something I don't." But no, it's the same thing like here's what you got to do. You got and it's like I'm good, man. Like I'm I just told you I'm good. >> I'm chilling. >> Yeah. No, I I I suffer from a similar thing where I'll just completely dump stuff on people. >> What's this private investigator thing? Was that like a part of your history? >> I was a PI very briefly, >> right? >> I was a PI. Yeah. The Well, it was So I >> Hang on. So you went from >> It was while >> being a person on one side of the law to being somebody presumably that kind of assists >> PI Well, yeah, it's it's uh more insurance companies honestly. >> Okay. So >> what's the process of becoming a licensed private investigator? >> It was actually kind of a sweet. So I knew somebody who was so they kind of just like let me do it and they kind of give you a little thing like yo if cops come up and bother you just show them this thing. >> So nothing you're telling me basically. >> Yeah. I mean you could get your real thing but I didn't have like a real license. I was just doing kind of like PI grunt work. So they give you like a little fake you know here do this and like show if someone comes up to bother you be like hey I'm working with these guys. So you have like something to flash the cops >> because they'll call the cops on you. They'll be like why this person was sitting in my driveway. >> Um I thought it'd be a lot more exciting than it was. It was very boring. I did it for two days and I stopped. I I I had to sit outside like a [ __ ] like warehouse and like they're like here's a grainy photo of a guy. I had to just sit there and I like, you know, I had to like wait for the shift to see if it was like the guy came out, but it was like I I it was just hard to even distinguish. I had like the grainy photo of a black guy and then like 12 black guys came out of the building and I was just like [ __ ] It was winter time. Everyone's wearing hats and scarves and [ __ ] And I was like, "Bro, I can't I got to get like I need to get like up to face to face to even have a shot." So, I just sat there and read books for like two days and like told my buddy, I was like, "Bro, I can't. I'm >> This isn't for me. >> Take your badge back." >> Dude, he was showing me like [ __ ] spy watches and [ __ ] When I went in there, I'm thinking I'm going to be in a bar like recording conversations. I was in my car just for like 12 hours just reading >> reading books. Then I come up and like, "Oh [ __ ] they did a shift change." I was I was a terrible private eye. It was one of my Yeah, it was one of my many jobs, but that was that was two days. And I I would have jobs too during my whole career of I would say mainly selling weed. It was like I would have good time. I booms and busts within that. So then the during the bust I'd go get a job. So I would kind of like constantly be doing like multiple things. >> Sell drugs, make money, get robbed, take job. >> Yep. Save money, buy drugs. If I can't get them front or if I can't get them fronted, I'd have to save up money again and then Yeah. start over again. And then I would get the job when I knew I had enough money from weed. I would start trying to find weed customers at my job and then I would quit the job and then I would then I would leave. >> The Princess Peach alien sounds like heaven compared with that. >> It's the best, dude. It's it's like Yes, it's that was the big thing. When I had kids, I had such like a weird anxiety and fixation over like what's my job? And I once I had kids, I remember the guy came in to change like I was in like the hospital room and uh the guy came in to change the paper towels out of the dispenser and I was like, "Oh, dude, I could I could do that for all I give a [ __ ] Yeah, I don't care." Like if it like it all made sense to me where I'm like, "Hey, just get a job, dude. Have so you have money to do all this other important stuff rather than being like blinded by like my job is my entire world." >> Yeah. Or fighting raccoons and hoping that you're going to [ __ ] scare them away. Like I don't I just can't I can't do it. I can't do it, dude. Dude, the bets appreciate. >> Thank you, man. Appreciate you. >> Uh, what have you got coming up? Where should people go? >> Oh, um, I have a bunch of shows coming up. mattcusker.com. >> Uh, let me see. I have a I have one. There's one I New York is a one I got to really move some tickets to. But either way, just go to mattcusker.com for standup. Matt andsher podcast. The whole the whole shebang. >> Sick. Appreciate you, man. Thank you, man. >> All right. Goodbye, my beauties. Dude, [ __ ] awesome. >> Yeah, it was fun. >> Congratulations. You made it to the end of a podcast episode without dying. Now, here's another one. Go on, watch it.