Pranking Australia’s Best Restaurant (Season 08 Episode 11)

Matt Brown hat Matt Brown hat Matt Brown Matt Brown nibble swallow nibble swallow nibble swallow done chest >> I just want to see you hairless and then rub up against you like that >> just rub up like that >> that's still quite expensive >> those >> you okay >> YOU GOT RIPPED OFF >> welcome to our club >> it is not smells like piss. [laughter] >> No, that's hectic [ __ ] >> 15 is illegal. It's minor. I guarantee you. >> Which state? >> All of them. I I guarantee I'm not making that up. So, don't tell anyone about what you did. >> We're talking Egypt. >> No, we're talking about the legal age to watch Lord of the Rings. >> No, in live now. Is that why you That's a cover good cover story. Matthew, welcome to episode number 11. That's right. >> Wow. >> Number 11 of the season. Yeah. >> Legs 11. >> And bro, >> it's been a [ __ ] RIP ripper of a year. Yeah. Rough start. We're coming good. And we got a jampacked episode for you. All right. We're going to do a bit of [ __ ] talk. We got We've got Tinder Adventures, of course. We're going to have a prank call. >> Bit of an extension from the last prank call we did. Do we have um trauma trivia? >> See, >> we have trauma trivia. And uh yeah, it's it's you're in for a wild ride. Okay, so without further ado, look at what James has on his lap. >> Yeah, this is crazy. Christy, my partner, just desperately wanted to get a dog and this is what she got. I've gone from jet to a cloud with a head. Look at that. >> Frankie. Frankie. >> Yeah, this [laughter] is this is Frankie, short for Frankston. >> Have you seen Frankie? >> Named after the dangerous New South Wales suburb. It's actually in Victoria. >> Named after the dangerous Victorian suburb. >> Have you seen Frankie naked yet? >> Yeah, I've I've touched a [laughter] paper towel to clean it. >> Yeah. >> On herself all the time and stuff. She's a She's a good I do like her a lot. >> So puppies are kind of like Michael. >> Yeah, she's chewing on a bull's right now. >> She took it down. One of the ones next door dried it out after a couple of weeks and now she's just reaping the rewards. She's nearly finished it. That's the last piece of it. >> She's even eaten the bones of it. >> The skull was the first thing she consumed. You [laughter] >> She's going to be the new podcast mascot. >> That's right. So, there you go, everyone. It's always nice to have fun. >> Ow. >> Good girl. [laughter] >> Oh, what else has been going on in our lives? Eh, >> um, look. Well, I uh have recently bought a bike attachment. Bought a bike. Very excited because I'm going to take Bowie riding. He's going to be on the front. So, he's going to have like sort of first person shooter view of trails. >> Better not crash. >> Yeah, man. >> Bowie's also on one run, too, by the way, brother. >> What's one run? >> He's on one run. You know when you say you get to 100, you get a century. He's bloody bloody hit one. >> Yeah, >> he's off the mark. >> Fully won now. So, he deserves to go on rides. Okay. It's that time. >> Yeah, >> I think so. >> Would you go for a ride with my >> I'll be extra safe now. I know. I used to go full speed on all the devices I've ridden on, but now I've got to be safe. >> If you if you had a seat big enough to fit me, >> a bike's better than an electric skateboard. You should never take Bowie on electric skateboard. You can't control yourself. >> They blow up randomly like that. Bang. You don't even have to be riding it. You stand next to it and it blows up. You [ __ ] Bang. >> Sitting there. I can't use it. >> Does he like the wind in his face? >> Oh, yeah. He loves He rushes. So like we >> should get you do the windmill with your dick and then get a bloody [laughter] get some Wendy's bloody face spray. >> We went [laughter] we went on like one of those flying foxes. You know the flying fox? I just held him. I went down a flying fox. >> You held him in your arm and held on with >> It wasn't a massive drop. It was like a meter. >> That's dangerous. >> Yeah. Is that a hold by the ankle so you can concentrate fully and just have him irresponsible. >> It was like a 30 m long one. And then you know how it clicks at the end and you go up with it. just held on to him tight and he he didn't he just sort of like this >> he doesn't care. [laughter] It's a good sign. >> That's [ __ ] hilarious. Speaking of [ __ ] hilarious, uh uh America vlog is out right now on our website and um it's pretty much just a huge episode detailing the entire trip and it's [ __ ] great. We did we got up some crazy and the Houston Jones video is also dropped over the weekend. So if you want to see remember that massive peruse I showed you guys, you want to see how I got that? Well, [ __ ] check that video out. us on our YouTube, man. >> And like it. Thank you. >> Yeah, that would be good. >> Hey, I did realize that there is 4.6K fivestar reviews on our >> Yeah, dude. That's heaps >> on our Spotify. >> Wow, >> that is so hectic. Imagine when it's at five. Maybe we'll be fulfilled and happy then. >> We've got like there's so many other big podcasts out there and we get like so much more engagement and stuff on Spotify. >> So, we got a great little family operating right now. Look, it's almost like YouTube's gone well and then Spotify. Obviously, if you're listening this on YouTube, if you want to see the uncensored, go to Spotify cuz that's where it's [laughter] more hectic. >> We don't have to bleep everything like >> That's right. >> Frankie sat up, man. >> You should have called her [laughter] >> but spelled like P H O K like some tire name or something. >> You should have spelled You should have spelled her help and then when you're like look, [laughter] she I could change it. It's not too late. Oh. Oh. >> Good girl, Frankie. >> No escape. There is no escape. >> You're trapped. [laughter] >> She stuck her tongue out a bit. >> That's what it sounds like when Matt's >> Oh, no. I'm louder than that. [panting] >> Did you have sex on the weekend? [laughter] >> No, I did not. >> What did you do on the weekend then? What do you do on the weekends? >> I just slept. Oh, >> really? Yeah. All Friday. >> There has to be something else. >> What did I do? Uh yeah, Friday didn't do much. Just slept. And then Saturday I just slept. And Sunday I went out and did shopping for uh today. >> Did Do you play Fortnite? >> I haven't been lately. >> You're over it? >> So, how many hours? >> I'm not over it. I just >> I just haven't been. >> How many hours did you sleep? >> I don't know. 15 each day. >> You did not. >> No, >> you did. >> No, >> you did. I can see in your eyes. Um. >> Oh, that's nice. >> Uh, what did I discover? I discovered something. >> Did you play some PlayStation? >> Go go go um for a walk. >> No, I went shopping. >> That was your walk? >> Yeah. >> All right, let's uh move on. Eh. [laughter] >> Yeah. Wow. >> Good girl. Frankie say sorry. >> Um >> Frankie >> James went to Sydney. Yeah, I went to Sydney. Oh, tell me the highlight. >> Oh, there wasn't much. It was It was just to catch up with a mate whose I missed. I was in the States. >> How many drinks did you consume? >> Only about five, maybe five wines, but like back to back quickly. [laughter] >> No, it wasn't a drinking trip. I like You went old now, boys. I went I went I bloody hung out with some some legends, >> drank some wine, bloody watched watched um that >> I'm sorry to talk about it, but that movie with Rachel McAdams where she's like stranded on a >> stranded on the beach. >> What the [ __ ] was that? >> I really enjoyed it. That was one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen. >> Send help. Take that. >> I really enjoyed that film. >> It was such a good It's like Castaway meets like space odyssey. >> Yeah, that's right. Oh, whoa. >> Um, she played the character well. >> It was all right. I I didn't mind it. >> I wasn't sure about it at all. >> I saw even a worse film though on the I got Nick invited me to watch Supergirl and that was probably one of the worst. >> Yeah. What were we? Of course it was going to be she just a woke Superman. It was really bad. Um, >> was she hot butt? >> Supergirl. I feel like she's really really young, like under I know she's not, but she looks at but yeah, she was she's a good-look girl, but um yeah, I it was terrible and I fell asleep during the film. >> Really? Man, you fall asleep everywhere. >> Nick, our friend Nick, he does movie reviews. Uh I always I always say in bring me along whenever you go if you want and he did and I so I felt bad if I said no to Supergirl. Um, and so I went and yeah, it was uh horrible. But >> you know, there's heaps of people dressed up as Supergirl. >> Popcorn. >> There was popcorn for free. >> Tell you what, there's lots of YouTubers making great movies on small budgets lately. I watched Obsession and um >> Don't say anything. I haven't seen >> these YouTubers and it's [ __ ] great. Makes me think I wonder what we would be able to do. >> Billy Madison 2. Yeah, I reckon like how long's it been since there was a good Aussie comedy movie? >> Yeah, exactly. Billy Madison, too. >> We could do it. I think we've got it in us. >> I reckon we could do it, too. >> I reckon with all of our website footage, we'd be able to put together a pretty rip snortler jackass type movie already. >> Wow, that's actually a good point. I didn't even think of that. We'd just have to do sort of like bits to intro it. Like this is the forle for clinire. >> That's right. >> All right. Should we read the top comments on YouTube? >> Not yet. We saw another movie. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. So, Paramount, they booked us a Gold Class Cinema and we got to invite like 40 mates >> and um yeah, it was so we watched the new Jackass movie and um look, it's it's lovely. The the if you want to see super crazy new stunts, it's not this is not it, but it's just a lovely kind of journey through the last 20 years of Jackass. >> It's like a love letter to the past and a and a sort of goodbye with a few new ones. That's right. And some interesting. There's some BAM footage that's never been seen. And um Johnny Knoxville like shooting himself. Basically the first stunt he ever did. >> That was so stressful to watch, man. >> Oh man. >> Yeah. I never seen so much trust in that thing. >> Imagine if that he just dies there and jackass never happens. >> Wonder what we'd be doing. We'd probably be doing gay porn accountants. I reckon we'd [laughter] be tennis coaching, but we would have succumbed to drugs and alcohol and quickly got fired by Greg. And then we would have ended up in a trap house >> and then we would have probably just ODed together. >> Dude, I wonder though because like we still would have done videos and we started out doing social experiments and then I reckon we just naturally would have started doing we just our sense of humor would have led us towards physical pain anyway. >> True. >> I reckon we'd still be doing what we're doing. We just wouldn't be no jackass. And then we'd sort of like our origin story would be from Australia's Funniest Home Videos. [laughter] >> Oh yeah, >> it was your destiny. >> I couldn't see that happening, [laughter] >> man. We want to be We want to like make fun Australia's funniest videos and then we just end up like sending in like everyone falling over and [ __ ] like that and we just fake falling over now. Oh, I fell over and we'd jump on the [ __ ] Fall off the [ __ ] [laughter] There'd be so many funny videos. >> Australia's funniest home videos. I did enjoy the the movie premiere though because we got you got to bring a bunch of people all together. >> Me and Jackson. [laughter] >> The first thing he told me that he had it. >> He kept telling me, "I've got a present for you guys. We got a present." [laughter] Whips out. >> He's a cheeky boy, isn't he? Yeah. Well, then what? Who else is there? >> The Cracker Milk crew were all there. >> Yeah, Cracker Milk crew was there. Um, >> Josh was there. Ryan, >> Tom, Reese, one of Reese bros and his missile. Um, >> our whole team was here. >> My mom was, my mom came. >> Mom came. Feige came. >> Mike Gambarro came. >> Yeah. I didn't meet him actually. >> Yep. >> Yeah. >> My man. >> Um, look, let's just get straight to the point. So, like, roll the clip, Marty. This is what happened in um uh roll the clip, Josh. This is what happened in planning this podcast like a week ago. I just got I got a bit angry. >> I guarantee there. >> What are you? You haven't guaranteed anything. >> I'm guaranteeing you. >> Guaranteeing what? >> Okay, I'll [ __ ] I'll let money where your mouth is is what he's saying. >> I'll let you piss on my faves. >> That's See, that's that's that' be that be that's that's >> not a punishment for you. >> Piss on your leg if I win. That's >> what do I get? What do you want? >> Money. >> Name your price. >> I want Bowie. >> No. Nothing. No. He He has to stay with me. >> 500 bucks. >> I don't have money. >> Jesus. >> [ __ ] mortgage. What's something What's something you want to do to me? [laughter] >> Cut his hair. >> Put your money where your mouth. >> No worms for two weeks. >> Yeah. >> Done. Shake on it. >> We should have talked about this on the podcast. >> I've got it. I'm filming it. Okay. I get to piss on your leg. >> Ryan will be upset. >> I get to piss on your leg. By when? Put your money where your mouth is. >> Foot. >> No, I want your your leg. Thigh down to leg. [snorts and laughter] >> There. >> Mhm. >> I don't want your piss on my dick. >> Yeah. >> No, I won't piss on your dick. I >> have to glad wrap your dick. >> Yeah, I'll have to glad wrap the upper section. >> And also, we probably won't be able to put the pissing on the potty. It's >> true. >> Unless you piss into a bottle and we just pour the bottle of piss on him. >> Say lemon juice. >> No, that's not going to pleasure him. No, I I'll settle for that. Yeah, if I can pour a bottle of piss, my own piss on it. Yeah, >> lemon juice. >> I feel like I'm getting the rough end of this. >> Why? >> Two weeks to no wor. >> Well, think of something else. >> You're saying you're confident. I I'm guaranteeing there's no way you win. >> Why don't you Why don't you say um two weeks of no wor and something else cuz he's that confident and he has to um He has he has to eat cake every day for 2 weeks as well. >> Oh, I've got it. >> Yes. Here we >> got it. >> Here we go. >> Yes. >> Okay. Scrap the worms idea. We have to watch the entire Lord of the Rings series every lunchtime until we finish it. >> Oh, that's a punishment for everyone though. >> Yeah. Well, [ __ ] >> You better win, Mike. >> Or you're going to upset your friends. a Bunnings bucket full of iced water and Matt gets to pour it on you as slowly as he wants. >> But okay, and they're all wrapped. I'm not doing with handicaps. Like no handicaps. The only handicap will be you. >> I will win this. >> Oh, please win this. I want to see the ice water. >> They win them. >> Okay. So, as you can see, I challenged Matt to a jewel. >> Did you? >> Yeah. Another one. [laughter] >> Good to see you [ __ ] sleeping, mate. All right, so I'm better at pretty much everything. We know that. Like we've got the athletics event today. I think it's shot put. You think you can beat me that discus? [laughter] >> I've busted my toe. I might have to review shot today. >> Oh, come on. >> Now, hang. We'll get to it later. >> We're going to before we do shop put later at the end, we're going to have a quick little comp. Now, I know you love treats, so I'm basing this around you. >> I'm not actually a big treat person. You are. You have chalk chalky chalk chalky chalky chalk. It's Easter every day for Matt Brown. Chocolate. >> Where do you get this from? Matt is just >> You eat a fabricated lie. >> I want to join you in this is >> Go to my fridge and have a look. See if there's anything there. Where? Where's your ice cream? Your belly. I was so ripped. >> Yeah. What happened to that? >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had a kid and I got other priorities. >> You didn't have a kid. Amber had the kid. >> I will get ripped again. But before that, I'm going to I'm going to beat your ass in a game of who can eat the most >> favorites. Now, this is not just a game of eating. This is a game of fingers. You're good with your fingers. Mine's for some reason. There's cactus spines in there. It's [ __ ] up. So, you might have an advantage of opening them up. You got to open the pack. Open the wrapper. >> Question. Can I have one from each of your boxes, please? >> Does that seem fair? >> Thank you. Michael's pissed. He hates sharing. Look at [laughter] that face. Okay. Well, the less that he has to eat though is more of an advantage for him >> because he can't. You saw him with sausage rolls. >> Hang on. You have already have an advantage. >> Why? >> I've eaten a meal today. >> Well, you should have thought about that, my brother. We spoke about this last week. >> That's not going to fill you up. It's >> here. I ate a thing. [laughter] >> Bye, Frankie. Frankie. >> All right. So, >> hey. >> Goodbye, Frankie. [laughter] So, I'm already on a full stomach. So, you're on a >> I'd yogurt, man. >> You haven't eaten in like 4 days. >> So, you want me to open these up and give one of them? You're getting to pick? >> You can do what you want. If you don't want to give him any, don't give him any. >> Would you pick that scab? >> I would love to. >> Um, can I Does it Can I pick one? >> Well, they have to be the same. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, >> look, Michael didn't want you messing with his, so he's literally taking it out. I'm watching. Look how carefully he's watching Marty to make sure. Well, I just want this game to be >> He doesn't want to mess with the game. He He wants that true victory. >> Well, yeah. I I I got to win. [laughter] >> It looked like a reverse. >> There's no It look like a [ __ ] going back in. [laughter] >> Yeah, that was intense. Get a slow-mo of that. >> All right, so [ __ ] kick this off. Let's [ __ ] do this. You ready, Brown? >> Not really. >> Well, you better be. >> This is has been waited upon for decades, this competition. >> Oh, man. I can't believe this isn't in the >> I want to bet. >> Hey, man. >> Hello, Cooper. >> Hello. >> The competition is about to begin for Matt verse Michael to eat a whole box of favorites. Would you like to put $10 on one of them? >> Yes. >> Who would you like? >> I'll go Michael. >> All right. I'll take $10 on Matt. >> All right. >> All right. I'll let you know the result. I knew you'd want to bet. Coupe is my betting soulmate. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> All right. Yeah, you I I probably would have chosen Michael. So, well done. But I'll I'll transfer you 10 bucks in five minutes. >> All right. Keep me updated. >> I will, mate. >> See you. >> Coupe is a better >> C. If if Coop had like money, I reckon he would honestly have a real He'd be like, "Steve will do it, but the quieter version." >> Well, let's get him money then. >> Come on, man. No. Come on. >> He's got 10 bucks on the line. >> You could do this. Look, the first hurdle he stumbles his his own self stops him. >> It's the rapping. It's the Wait, are you like is I'm not going to say anything actually. We'll just see how this plays out cuz I know I would use some strategy here. But anyway, >> Matt, don't look at Michael. Concentrate on what you're doing and go as fast as you can. Yeah. >> Yap, yap, yap. >> And when you're chewing, you are unwrapping. Even if you've got one unwrapped, Matt, you unwrap another one. >> Not even listening to you. >> What's your last name? >> Brown. >> What's the color of chocolate? >> Brown. >> Destiny, [ __ ] M. >> Let's do this. >> Put the brown in brown. >> Yeah, I'm fired up, bro. >> Three. >> Here we go. >> Two. One. Go. >> Go. >> Touch the box slightly faster. >> Matt's in the lead. Matt. >> They both poured things out, which is impressive. Michael's already got >> one in your mouth, Matt. >> That's the stickiest chocolate. [laughter] Michael's dropped the chocolate. Come on, Matt. Conc multiple as he Matt is also doing a wonderful strategy. >> [laughter] >> Also, Frankie's wet vagina was just sitting on Michael's table. He's eating dog right now. [laughter] >> Lucky I washed her bum before when she did a poo. >> Not that you could tell. Brown. >> Look at Matt's strategy. >> Yeah, it's good. Smart. >> Look, Michael looked over. [laughter] >> The way Michael puts them in is rough to watch. Little bites. Bite. Small. Swallow. Small. >> Oh, yum, man. Those chocolate ones. >> Nibble, swallow, nibble, swallow, nibble, swallow, done. Nibble, swallow. Done. Nibble, swallow, nibble, swallow, nibble, swallow. Done. >> Matt's getting rid of the other rappers so as to not cause any confusion. >> I'm going to tell them how many grams of sugar that >> Yeah, good idea. Oh, yeah. I actually think Matt's Matt's chewing is really up to speed with Michael this time. >> It's the jaw muscle endurance, though. We'll see how they go um in in 5 minutes. >> Oh man, that looks like a good time, man. I got to say that looks like such Is that enjoyable, Michael? >> 200 [laughter] >> 250 g. >> He got mildly annoyed then that I asked him the question and not Matt. Let's just keep asking Michael questions. >> 100 g. So there's 125 g of sugar in one of these boxes. Yeah, that's >> that's 30 tepoon, >> Michael. Especially cuz he's considerably smaller. His blood sugar is firing right now. >> Tremendous inflammation within his body. Come on, >> don't shake multiple in. Matt's the better unwrapper. Yeah. Wow. Matt, you destroyed him in the unwrapping. >> Michael just thought about arguing, but then he he went back to focused. >> You could put the rest in your mouth, Matt, and chew like a maniac. chew like a goddamn maniac. >> Imagine if he could just swallow him. >> You're in the lead, Matt. You're in the [ __ ] lead right now. >> Yeah, I think he is. >> You understand? >> Go, Matt. Go, go, go. >> Michael's just got a burst of confidence. >> Michael's already gloating. >> He's not one. >> Oh, he just took the first one where he bit it in half. >> You've had 30 teaspoons of sugar. Who really wins here? >> I won. >> No, you haven't. >> One, two. >> Stuffing too many in. >> No. You's got five. You've got five. >> And you got big ones, too. >> Has he saved crunchies for last because they dissolve? If that is true, that is an incredibly wise >> Matt. This is actually very close, my friend. >> Come on, Brown. Come on. More brownie. >> I'm one up. >> Yeah, but yours are bigger. >> And you got multiple in your guts. You got multiple in your mouth. >> You're going to have to swallow one like a tablet, Matt, to catch up. [laughter] >> Be so good if he did. >> [laughter] >> Come on, Matt. Don't Don't let him get in your head. He's He's stressing. He just doesn't >> That's a tiny chocolate that one. >> Remember the hair and the tortoise? Remember the hair and the tortoise story? >> You're the tortoise right now. >> Come on, Matt. Come on, Matt. This is This is firing me up, bro. >> No. No gloating. It's distraction. >> There's only half a lolly ahead. Half a chocolate ahead. >> Come on, Brown. Michael's got one and a half. Matt's got this. IS VERY CLOSE. >> GO, MATT. >> OH MY GOD. He's chilling quick. Come on, Matt. You can do it. Oh my god. Come on, bro. >> Dude, here we go. Here we go. COME ON, MATT. SWALLOW, MATT. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU [laughter] MICHAEL STARTING TO STRESS. >> OH, that was so close. >> Oh, look how close that was, Matt. >> Look how [ __ ] much food you got him. I'm done. >> [laughter] >> You became a big boy. >> Done. I win. I'm better than you. [laughter] >> Chocolate boy. Chocolate boy. >> No bloating. >> Chocolate stains. Cream t-shirts, too. >> Michael just missed. >> Be careful. >> It's [laughter] going to be a fullblown fight. >> I'm so glad I'm not in the middle of this. >> Here we go. [laughter] This is going to become a punch up in a minute. Look, Michael's actually genuinely a bit mad. >> I'm the best. I win. I'm better than you. >> I also did that after having a full meal for lunch. >> And he's got a sore toe. >> Oh, it is good performance. But that that was that was close. >> Yeah, that was really close. >> Michael thought he was going to dominate that. >> No, I took my time at times cuz I was like, I'm I've got >> you. You didn't win by that much. It was pretty close, >> dude. Imagine if we found a favorite on the ground. >> Dramas be dramas cuz I ripped food out. >> That is true. We'd have to do it again. Whip to the shops. >> You want your seat back, do you? >> Yeah. Let's have a quick bong break. We'll be right back with top comments. We're back. And guess what? I just remembered. >> Oh no. >> Let me just have a sip of my car. [snorts] >> I'll be pissing on Matt's leg. >> Oh yeah. >> What for? >> He won. [laughter] [snorts] >> That's nothing to me. [laughter] I win. I will be pissing on your leg. Upper thigh, not your doodle. I promise. >> No, it was lower thigh. That's what we agreed on. Lower >> thigh. As long as it doesn't hit penis. >> It was always lower leg. >> Bare skin. >> You're not going. Oh, yeah. Lower leg. B skin as well. >> I'll be pissing on your leg. And I cannot wait to do that. Where can we do that? Where can we show that? We probably can't show that. >> We can't be showing that on socials, can we? >> No, we can't be. No. >> All right, we'll put it on the end of the website video. I win. [laughter] Now, what was what was the punishment for me? Like a slow ice paw. I if Man, if I lost, that's game over. I'm dead. >> Oh, shut up. >> You could give him that anyway, Brown. Just for funsies. >> Yeah. >> What's he going to do? >> So, get ready for my piss. >> All right, let's do the top comments, Matt. >> You can think about Michael's hot urine splashing against your skin. >> I've had it on me before, actually. Might have been Marty's pooling in your socks. >> So yellow. I don't drink water for >> hot searing the skin. >> Oh, and it sprays. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to make sure I put my foreskin half back so it can go maximum machine gun. >> It's like a sprinkler. >> You'll miss more then. >> Well, might get your dick real close so it's only that far away. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, it's might might even pierce. >> Even wipe your knob on his leg. >> Yeah, that's right. >> Oh, yeah. Continue. >> YouTube or Spotify first. >> Whichever you prefer. My brand. >> We will go YouTube. [snorts] Ah. All right. Top comment went to Scott Guzler. 958 or Jeza. >> How many likes? >> 149. >> No. >> The Spotify one's the highest I've ever seen as well. >> No. >> Yes. >> Wow. >> No. >> Yep. [snorts] >> What up, Legends? If this gets top comment, Matt Brown gets a full body wax laughing face emoji. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> It's a great idea. Would you? Well, it's what the Spotify one has has got me a bit more excited. >> Well, look, let's get let's just get a bunch of wax strips. Next episode, we'll him. >> No, >> come on. >> 150 likes. >> You'll grow back. >> Let's What about just your legs and arms? >> Beautiful. Fully waxed >> legs, arms, and your chest. >> I don't I don't want you doing that to me. >> We can get a hot You rub them together and then you just click them on. Rip them off. >> Yeah, I know how it works. >> Would you have an ampute hot [ __ ] do it? Why ampute? [laughter] >> Yeah, I'm about that. Yeah. All right. Good. >> So, so can we >> amput hot girl? Can we do your the waxing thing next week? >> No. >> Come on. All right. Look, next week we're going to we're going to work on Matt. We're going to try and convince him. We're going to wax his legs, his arms, and one strip off of his chest. >> Let's convince him now cuz it' be nice for them. They can have something to look forward to. >> 150. That's 150 people. You can't even fathom that. Imagine them standing all down there going, "Please, Maddie. Hey, please." >> It's about as many cheeks of you. That's how many >> That's how many people like that comment. >> Imagine if they were all women, all the girls that you [ __ ] and they're just going, "Please, please, please wax yourself." And then you get to do >> Are we standing up for this comment or what? >> Oh yeah, >> Scott, mate. N serious, Scott. [applause] Mate, Scott, serious, man. That is good, man. >> It is good. I like And we need to we need to show him check >> that it's good >> by doing it. >> And thank you to those 140 however many people that agreed with that too. That's bloody lovely. I agree with it as well. >> What would it take for you to wax every part of your body? >> Shh. You've been quiet. >> What's the price? You been quiet. Name your price. >> Even beard. >> Well, yeah. I mean, eyelashes, everything. >> He's gone. See, this is why I'm saying no. He just takes it too far. >> That's 10 grand. >> Legs, arms, that's Oh, yeah. >> That's probably 10 grand. my eyelashes, eyebrows, beard. >> Waxing that was shave. Just shave the eyelashes. >> That's different story. >> Legs, arms, chest. >> I just want to see you hairless and then rub up against you like that. >> Just rub up like that. >> That's why it's not going to happen. Legs legs ar Spotify top comment. Uh, it goes to Josh >> Yeah. Quasi >> Josh. I'm sorry. I feel like we got that wrong. If this gets top comment and it got 145 likes on Spotify, which is wild. >> If this gets top comment, Matt Matt has to get some shoe tattoos to match the crew. >> If he refuses, he has to take a triple squash ball from Marty, Michael, and James. >> All right, you got to pick one. Do you choose to be hairless or do you choose to get tattooed shoes? What do you pick? >> Oh, you got to pick one. >> I know what you're [laughter] thinking. Oh yeah. >> Easy. >> What was yours, James? Oh, wait. Hairless. >> You take the hairless. >> Yeah, cuz like you were you were telling me you were literally like hallucinating and you had to like take pills and stop vomiting when you were getting the >> No. No. It's cuz I had a whole pack of um >> cigarettes. >> Endones. >> Endones. That doesn't help. >> That's what made me throw up. >> Yeah. >> I think you're only meant to have like every two every like four hours, but I had a whole pack within like 5 hours. >> Sounds like >> Holy [ __ ] That would have ruined you. >> Well, I was fine. I drove home. I just vomited before I once I got in my car and then I drove. >> I think vomit got it all up. >> Um, >> oh man. To be honest, I'd rather do something a bit more I think waxing is not as entertaining as tattoos. >> Oh, you'd be surprised. >> The only thing with the tattoos I'd want something that is like like I don't want some like I wouldn't want what's what's a good example of something bro? >> Your lesbian shoes. >> Yeah. Like that would be >> You wouldn't get the lesbians. >> No. >> What about TN? Well, let's decide what we we're getting you now. >> We we spoke about we spoke this um not too long ago and we were talking about the checkered vans. >> Yeah, but >> but I don't know how many people know them. >> Oh, yeah. No, they're still they're still like well known. >> I reckon a pair of Birkenstocks would look pretty cool on >> I'd be jealous. I'd be jealous of >> I think your you were wearing Birkenstocks, weren't you? >> I saw they like really look cool. >> Yeah. I don't know. I If I can get some examples of like some ideas for a shoe tattoo. Let's just lock it in because if we do this, it's never going to happen. Let's Let's say yes. Let's say yes. And on >> That's a wild first tattoo to get [laughter] >> pretty terrifying pair of shoes. >> And let's go. First week of August, you're going to get them. >> And in the meantime, let's have you guys. How about we get them to vote? >> Help. Absolutely. >> Send in suggestions, Matt. We'll let you choose, but we'll let these guys help by giving you options. >> How much will it cost? >> Oh, don't worry about it. >> What if Matt's vote is worth a hundred, >> you know? >> Oh, >> so he could add 100 to anyone. >> I don't care what anyone votes. I just want some ideas. >> Yeah, I I reckon lesbian shoes are going to win by a landslide. Soccer boots. I I personally I think soccer honestly love for you to have permanent lesbian shoes. >> Yeah. See, that's why I wouldn't want anyone to vote. >> Or gum boots. Big Greek water gum boots. >> I want something that looks like >> sexy. Looks good. >> You want to be a girl to, you know, >> looks good. >> Allow you. >> But does that look good to you? >> Yeah, I reckon it looks awesome. >> Well, do mine look good? >> Yeah. >> Really? >> You think mine are good, too? >> The green is a bit offputting, but they still look good. >> Dunks is very uh >> What are Dunks? >> They're those You'd know them. They're Marty has a black and white pair. >> They're Nikes. These >> I got them from Bali. Dunks. >> $50. >> That's still quite expensive. >> Those. >> You okay? >> You got ripped off. >> Sorry. >> Did you barter? >> Those shoes. >> I remember. >> Very popular. But Matt doesn't wear them. It's why the >> lesbians are so beautiful. >> Lesbians do make sense. >> That's not bad. See, that's not a bad >> That would be doable, too. >> Would you get the Nike tick on you, though? >> I guess so. I guess we have Crocs and Conreny. wouldn't want the brand that would work with >> I'm happy with Converse. I'd never have the brand Nike on me personally. >> But I like the idea of the checkered Vans. That was cool. >> So anyway, >> bowling shoes. [laughter] >> Yeah, bowling shoes. Leave your suggestions in the comments and in one month it's a yes. We're doing it. We can't say yes to them and then not do it. It's happened too often and we can't do it. So yes, in the first week of August, Matt Brown will get a some kind of shoes tattooed on his feet >> and shaking hands. May I suggest the last and most probable one? High heels. >> No. Okay. >> Ballet shoes with little bow. >> Brown. >> Depends what it looks like. I want to know. Well, I want to know what I'm putting on forever. >> Brown leather shoes would look quite cute. >> Well, no, but think like designwise cuz like they they're good cuz they're designwise. If you just got plain shoes like even bowling shoes just I don't know. Just doesn't really I want people to recognize. >> Yeah. Jordans. I don't know. See, we we said that one time. We're like, imagine getting Air Jordans. But I think it doesn't they don't look that good, dude. >> What about just a pair of rainbow socks that have to go up your ankle? >> You gone too high. I want to I want to be >> You can always bloody copy Michael and get a pair of red Connies. >> Yeah, dude. That's been done, though. I think someone on the internet's already done it. >> Anyway, look, >> it's happening. It's a discussion over to you guys. Yeah, let's let's move on. It's happening though. Yes, 100%. I saw the second comment on Spotify. >> Oh my god, it's happening. >> I'm bleeding and I'm picking myself. >> The second comment on Spotify, please bring back Matt's Black Book. I hear you and I will bring it back next week. I was just kind of like, oh, no. >> Yeah, sorry. In next episode. I was just kind of thinking, oh, no one really minded. But since you guys asked for it, I'll I'll bring one back next episode. Okay. >> I'm so excited to hear that. >> I mean, I'll find one in Matt's book. All right. There you go. So, what have we learned? Matt's going to get waxed and he's going to get a tattoo on his feet. No, >> keep the comments coming, guys. We didn't stand up and give it a round of applause. >> Didn't we? >> The second one, I don't think. >> Wow. He really got his [applause] bloody talking, didn't he? Great job, mate. Great bloody job. >> Carlo Carl Stephanovic. >> Oh, Carl Stephanovic >> lost his job. >> We should try and hire him. >> Uh, Josh Quasi. >> Josh, good on you, mate. >> Good on you, Josh. All right, look. We're going to rip into a bong break and then we'll be right back with trauma trivia. Yay. >> And we're back. >> Oh man, I got like [ __ ] stomach pains from chocolate. That's right. He said chocolate cute. Play the jingle trivia. >> That's the only good thing about this whole section. >> That's right, James. >> All right. Welcome to trauma trivia. >> What's the [ __ ] punishment, man? >> Punishment's the little slappy slappy. >> Oh, that's the hand of doom's little sister. >> And the hand of doom [ __ ] hard. So it's little sister probably grinds its little hips on your [ __ ] face too. There's a bit of pain coming. We use it. You still got bruises all over your >> like >> Oh yeah, dude. It's risen. [laughter] >> Yeah, me too. >> Just like Jesus there. >> Swell up. >> All right. And today's subject is the World Cup. >> Oh, okay. Yes. Michael's with sports other than like golf and pickle ball >> or tennis. >> Not even tennis these days. I don't follow it. But yeah. All right. Hit me Brown. What do we got? >> All right. Are you ready? >> Let's just do this. >> What is the most goals scored in one World Cup campaign? By one player in one World Cup campaign. >> Not a team, a player. >> Not a team, a player. And in just one World Cup. >> So, one guy, just one World Cup. He just went nuts. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. See, I know the guy. >> All right. Think this is reasonable. >> Reveal. >> I'm scared. Three, two, one, reveal. >> You're in the middle. [screaming] >> What did you put? >> 14. >> Okay. Wow. >> The answer is >> 13 goals. >> Oh my god. >> That's unbelievable because am I wrong here? But Messi broke the world record or the record for most goals ever is 16. How the [ __ ] did bloody this guy bloody score 13 in one world cup >> and then none for the rest? He must just be a [ __ ] idiot. Do >> you want me to Google it? >> Must have been on meth or something. >> No, it hasn't been updated to the roast reaping well. >> I haven't had this yet. >> Yeah, it's not it's not good. I have to give it to you, James. arm I think. Oh, [screaming] >> my you stupid red [ __ ] It's not >> Whoa. >> Welcome to our club. [snorts] >> It is not >> chair smells like piss. [laughter] >> It's fading. Fading. Yeah, dude. Burn, though. Takes a while. >> Look at it, man. >> Look at Show got this to the camera. [laughter] >> Oh, little streak of red. >> That's right. >> Oh, man. Okay, I got out of that. So, four to go and then hopefully I'm safe. >> Um, I just did some googling. Uh, and um, he only ever played in one World Cup. That >> 13. Hate him. >> He is the sixth highest goal scorer, >> man. That is crazy. One cup. >> Why? >> I don't know. He only ever played in one and he scored that many. >> Ask it why >> Messi's played in six World Cups. >> Yeah. So Messi is compared to that guy. >> Well, it's just hard to score, isn't it? >> Imagine if he only played one game, that guy. >> 13 goals in one game. >> All right, question number two. Uh Leon Messi, Leon, Leonol, Leonol Messi, um holds the record for the most games played by any player in the World Cup. How many has he played in the World Cup? Three. Wait. >> My pen's being gay. >> Sorry. [sighs and gasps] Three, two, one. 38. >> 40. 45. Yes. >> Oh no. I'm safe. >> Ha. I win. Again. >> I think James has lost. The answer is 26. >> Wow. >> Did you say he's played six World Cups? So Argentina mustn't have made it past the group stage a few times >> probably. Or he might have only played one or two games in his first one because he would have been really young. >> Wow. >> James. [laughter] JAMES, >> hit me. [laughter] >> Oh, I have to hit him again. Hit your boy [laughter] James. >> Dumb game. >> Not in the same spot. He's bloody injured. >> Fine. A real man would do the same spot. [laughter] >> We all did. >> Oh, Marty absolutely nailed you in that first one. Sorry about that. Here we go. Three, two, one. [snorts] [laughter and clears throat] >> That helps. No, it doesn't. >> That one in late. >> That sounded a bit more blunt force than >> No, it's very tip. >> It's very tip. >> I reckon he was a bit friendlier on that one. >> Oh, stretch. >> Dude, it's still m dude. It's It's a rough. >> Yeah, this side's better. Yeah. Yeah. That's why the inside's the the >> primary. Like it's still healing. >> I suck at this game. I started counting. I went like I counted all of the the three Oh, no. I miscounted. >> Yeah. So [laughter] if if they if they win a World Cup, they play eight games. >> I rushed. >> If they win a World Cup, they play eight. It's eight games. >> So yeah, it's eight times 46. And then you minus all of the times they didn't make the final. >> Yeah. >> Right. >> Okay. I rushed. >> Um, >> yeah, I didn't know that many. >> I thought you I thought you'd be the dominant one in this, but I guess Marty's German, so makes sense. Qu >> question number three. Oh, I'm nervous. I would be too, Marty. How many different countries have won the World Cup? How many different countries have won the World Cup? Oh my god. Rip snorter. Michaels actually looks like he's counting like he knows. >> Time's up. Three, two, one, reveal. >> 15. >> Oh, please. Please, please, Lord. What is it, Matt? [ __ ] tell me. >> Oh, man. It's um I was scared when you guys like all turned around. I was like, "Oh, fuck." But uh you none of them got it right. But [snorts] uh >> So, what is it? [laughter] >> You dumb. Tell me. >> No, I'm savoring it because it's your loss. >> Oh, really? >> The answer is eight. [screaming] >> Does that mean double hit for him? Cuz you both put nine. >> No, I think that's I think he can choose. >> Okay. All right. All right. I was just putting it out there. >> Look, I'm I know. I think James is stronger than Marty, to be honest. >> And I'm mad. [laughter] >> I'm bigger than Marty. >> Oh, I don't like hitting you guys. Hey, >> despite what you see in all the videos. [laughter] >> Three, two, [laughter] >> looking. He's looking around. OnePip >> tip stings, dude. >> Electricity. >> Oh, I'm sorry. >> I should try that. The head groping does look nice. >> Oh, it's subsided. Oh, dude. >> Look at this. >> Oh, yeah. >> Whoa. >> So painful, man. >> Was that on top of your bruise that was already there from the other day? I reckon that's why it's more painful cuz you got a bruise there. My little flu. >> No, you hit it perfectly, man. Three in a row. I've got >> Oh, lucky we got two more. Question number four. >> [ __ ] >> How many countries have hosted the World Cup? >> I'm just I'm spitting in the dark here, bro. >> I just used some maths. >> Three, two, one, reveal 10. >> I'm in big trouble here. I'm in the middle. I'm in the [ __ ] middle. Surely James would be closer. What's How many is it? >> Can you work this out for me? The answer is 19. >> It's 19. So James is 12 away. >> I'm 39. >> You're only nine away. James lo, >> man. This is D. [gasps] >> I have to hit you again. >> Yeah, >> I've won all of them. >> Very good. >> Very good at soccer. It's the German in I don't know these answers. >> Yes, you do. >> Okay. Oh, James, >> it's a calm one this time at least. >> James, stop. You need that bit to write. [laughter] >> Man, this is >> Dude, look at his arm. >> Don't hold back, Martin. >> Oh. Oh, that felt good. >> Oh, yeah. That's nice. That's lovely. It's like a massage. >> It's a burn. [ __ ] massage. >> [ __ ] Sorry. >> Sorry. >> Oh man. >> I hope you don't get another one, James. >> There's only one to go. >> There's only one to go, dude. >> I hate this segment. [laughter] >> It's going to be okay. >> James has to do this with us. >> I hate this segment. [laughter] >> I actually do prefer this segment over Fussy Boys. >> Me, too. [laughter] Man, I'd love to eat some fish or something right [laughter] now instead. >> Question number five. >> Final round. >> Final final. >> Ah, sweating. >> Yeah, >> plasma. >> Plasma. >> That's what me and Michael was talking about when the clear liquid appears. >> For forearm cancer. >> That's right. >> Really? >> What year? >> What year was the first World Cup? Answers in three, two, one. >> I've lost again. >> Reveal. >> It's good. >> 1960. >> Reveal. >> 36. >> REVEAL. MICHAEL REVEAL. >> TRYING TO WRITE 1960. >> But you didn't give me time. >> And this [ __ ] pen doesn't work. >> Show everyone your answer. Michael, >> I'm in the middle at least. >> Yeah. So, you're safe. >> Yeah, you are safe. >> Ph. >> What is it? >> There's been 19, right? There's been 19 World Cups. >> No, it's way more than that. >> I thought that was the last. >> How many countries? Some countries have hosted more than one. >> Just hurry up and tell me I've lost. >> The answer is Marty. Do you want to say what the answer is? >> I don't know what the answer is. >> Yes, you do. >> 1930. Dude, what the How did I get this? >> MARTY'S VERY GOOD TODAY. >> [laughter] >> STRIKE YOUR BUSINESS, PARTNER. >> PLASMA. Plasma incoming. >> Oh, that was good. He's running. He's off. >> He's having a bloody run around. Little dance. >> Oh, he's spinning in circles now. He hasn't grabbed his head yet, but it'll come. >> So much worse. [laughter] Grab your head. It helps. There we go. >> Whoa, dude. Electricity shot up. >> I haven't had the electricity. Just pure slap pain. >> Look, that one's so much gnarly. >> For some reason, it is that the one I just did. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It hurts to touch, man. >> Ow. >> Well, I don't know about you guys, but I had a good time. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I had fun. >> Yeah, you really [ __ ] out of that one. >> All right, fussy little boys time. >> No, I'm kidding. But I wanted to see you panic a bit. >> [laughter] >> We got a couple of quick PO boxes. >> I see. >> Matt, >> Matt's having a good time. He wants to just let him just open one more. >> Play the jingle. >> If you want to send us [ __ ] send it to uh 256 Tagum uh 4018. Um the details will be in the description. >> Oh, look at that far side. >> We open everything live on the podcast. So, it's pretty crazy. Gets pretty crazy in here. [laughter] >> All right. Did you guys read out the PO box number? Josh will put it up here. >> Already read it out. >> Wow. Very good, man. >> I'm pretty talented. I can make that happen. >> Magician. >> You're not allowed to use knives, remember? >> Yeah, I know. But this one's okay. It says fragile, so that's exciting. >> I'm worried about you. >> You got to Yeah. do the sides, too. Stick your tapes on. >> What the hell, man? That's frightening. >> This is why he's not allowed to use knives. He used to have seven fingers on each hand. [laughter] >> Matt's so excited. It's like Christmas time. >> Oh, man. >> This is Luke's. >> Is this Luke's? >> Yeah. >> Is it dressed to us? >> Oh sh What? >> It's not. Just making sure I don't put their address out. >> Dear Marty, Michael James, and Matt Brown, and all associated victims, the fully actual podcast. >> Hell yeah. Please accept this humble package of Filipino sweet treats. >> Hand carried back from the Philippines and sent with love, admiration, and genuine concern for what will happen to your blood sugar once the medicinal tong hits have fully activated. Consume them responsibly or at the very least eat them in the worst possible order. Blame each other for how bad you feel and call it content. I've been a longtime watcher of the Martia Michael Mine YouTube channel, but only recently made the foolish decision to start watching the podcast. Since then, my girlfriend has been forced to endure the full consequences of my choices. There's a lot here. She She now knows the jingles, the catchphrases, the madeup words, the random sounds, and the completely unjustified confidence. Not because she wanted to, not because she asked, but because I have been repeating them around the house like a broken circus ability. >> Do youing hear me? She knows her jingles now, [laughter] >> Matt. Sorry. She knows the catchphrases, the made up of words. Uh, it's all sort of the same thing. >> My main man. >> I'm walking around the house like a dopey little podcast goblin making sounds with the false confidence of a man who has never been correct but has never been stopped. [laughter] >> Michael loves him, dude. >> I love this guy. >> I can relate. Oh, [laughter] >> my so sad when he gets legitimately upset. >> Anyway, >> sorry. Keep going. She's doing well and and been very supportive. Inside this package are some sweet treats for the PO box. Chocolate pillows, ube pillows, nips, which I mainly bought because I thought you'd enjoy the name. >> That is >> Did you listen to that? >> Oh, I want a couple of nips. >> Listen what he said. >> You thought you'd enjoy the name? >> Skyflakes chocolate filled crackers. Buttercream chocolate crackers. >> Give me them. >> Hang on. There's more here. There. The guy's got like a whole He's got words for us. Um, >> what's tongs? He scared me. >> Yeah. >> No, he's talking about bongs. >> Oh, no. >> So, some of them are drug. >> No, no, no. He said he eat them while you're having >> Sorry. Sorry. Um, [laughter] >> that was good, James. >> Sorry. >> He has some personal measures. Michael, bring back Michael's special needs. The people need it. I need it. The nation is sick. >> Yeah, we should next. We should bring that back soon. Love to. >> The segment is the medicine. Also, I can out eat you. Probably don't mistake that for eating you out. Marty, stay unhinged. Your anxietyinducing song counts down is the best form of psychological warfare against Michael. I want you to be the MC at our wedding. We will cover nothing. All flights, accommodation, meals, and transports. Uh, general says blah blah blah blah blah. We live in Brisbane. >> Oh, [laughter] that's why he'll cover the cost. >> But if you agree to being the MC, we'll have the wedding overseas and the boys can come if you allow them. James, please unleash your inner en so your inner angry Hulk more often. It is >> I already did. I don't like being like this. >> It is extremely funny watching everyone immediately realize they are in danger and physically flee from you like you've just breached. [laughter] >> Anything could happen when James lets loose. >> He goes green. >> Matt Brown, I'm better than you. Not in a rude way. Just factually, spiritually, athletically, academically, probably legally in almost every measurable category really. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy the treats, enjoy the snacks. May the sweets and send you ballistic man fussy boys continue to bring out May brand one day find peace with being second best from Michael C. His name is Michael. PS, I'm better than you. PPS do a [ __ ] >> Cheers, Michael. You're a bloody good bloke, mate. Don't >> you can have any of our family members if you want. >> For the longest time, >> I can go around with it. >> Michael, thank you. That's for my pleasure. >> What happened? Oh, thank you, Michael. All right, man. It's always good to have a bit of sugar. I haven't had much today, so that was really nice. >> That was wonderful. >> We had a wonderful time together. >> Hey. [laughter] >> All right, let's move on, eh? >> For the longest time. >> That's right. >> That's so addictive. >> All right, look. We're going to have a quick bong break and then we'll be right back with some Tinders and a prank call. Oh. All right. Look, before we get into Tinders, I received an email. Um, and this is to do with you, Michael. >> Oh, no. >> Yes. >> Okay. It's from a guy called Jonathan Parrot. >> Mhm. and he has said, "The reason I'm emailing is Michael played a huge part in my paralysis as he was the last thing I saw before I hit paralysis. I was having a dream about the tennis video with Michael in the wedding dress and somehow I was there filming for you." All was going well until it suddenly went dark and I found myself back in my single bed. I've looked to the left and all I can see is Michael's head and he had a dark black free floating body. He's then turned his head towards me and done one of them super creepy smiles and before I knew it, I felt pinned down in my bed. I couldn't move a muscle and began to severely panic. I managed to somehow kick out of it and broke a toe in the process. I've been watching you for years now and I now I can't look at Michael knowing he is my sleep paralysis demon. Wow, man. I feel honored. That is an honor. But there is so many Michael Doppelgangers. >> Could just be a similar demon. >> Chances are there's a demon out there that looks exactly like you. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You have a demon face. Especially Danish looks like a demon. >> Yeah, there he is. >> Now look, firstly, you've got you should be very happy that this is occurring cuz it is a blessing to get sleep paralysis. >> Really? Why? It is the step to lucid dreaming and lucid dreaming is better than anything you can ever imagine in anything. >> Name something achieve it. [laughter] >> You can't achieve then sucked in. >> That's what I mean. So if if they can't achieve it, there could be not really be a blessing. >> Yeah, I know. But it's the first step to lucid dreaming. So if you can >> Tim better than Tim Tams, man. [laughter] >> It is. Yeah. So next time you're lucid dreaming and I come for you, laugh. Laugh at the demon that is me. And then he will sort of dissipate. And then you've got to visualize that there's an imaginary rope. And then you visualize your arms coming out of your body to pull yourself up on the rope. And then you pull yourself up. You float amongst your body. Then you shoot up to the sky and you [ __ ] fly. Do you know what it's like to fly? Matt, you felt it? >> I did. I did not have the rope. So, I just when you get the pin down like and you can't move, I just sort of I used to like say off all the time and then and then I just let it take me >> and then suddenly one day I just shot through the ceiling. It's >> I not Sorry, you didn't see the ceiling. Mine was like I was at like light speed. >> Yeah, it's so fast. You feel the wind though. The wind is incredible. So, you feel exactly what it's like to fly. That is probably the funnest, most incredible thing you'll ever feel. Make sure you try it. >> But it was a dream. Like it's just a dream. >> Exactly. >> I also saw these huge giant mechanical boxes with like wavy hands. >> Should we do the tinders? >> Yeah, let's do the tinders. >> Getting a bit off topic here, aren't we? >> Well, can you not relate? >> No, [clears throat] >> that's probably why. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sleep paralysis. >> Yeah, I've had sleep, but none of this flying [ __ ] All right, play the jingle. [laughter] >> That was top 10 worst parts I've ever done in my life. >> Really? Oh, that's what keeps sleep paras away from me. [singing] >> Pause the jingle. >> Pause it. >> Resume the jingle. >> Only [laughter] look at us sitting here in a dump farting in the microphones. I feel so sick. >> All right, this segment is Tinder Adventures. This is where Matt, we use Matt's identity to go on Tinder Adventures to try and find him a mate. A mate to fill with his spunk so we can reproduce and have another one. >> I haven't had one yet. >> Well, [clears throat] well, I haven't met it. >> Not that we know of. >> All right. So, Matt starts a conversation with this lovely young lady and he says, [laughter] "Really? Rake my yard unmatched. [laughter] >> Come on, please. Rake my yard. >> All right, this one is a very matte um opening. [clears throat] You shall not pass. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> H either Lord of the Rings or I'm not collecting $200 and going straight to jail. >> Lord of the Rings. I just finished watching the extended cuts. I'm going to watch the Harry Potter series next week if you're interested. >> No, >> UNMATCHED. >> NO, that's fair, >> dude. Unmatched. >> If a hot babe said that to me, I would say I wouldn't even unmatch. I'd say you >> I would I would Yeah. says that to a Tinder chick cuz he's so fired up about having watched the extendeds. Yeah, that's unmatched. That's fair. >> I can't unmatched. [laughter] Shocking. [screaming] [laughter] >> Your interests are not attractive. >> Either are yours. >> Hey, pickle ball. >> Nah, it's not an interest. When was the last time you played it? Your interests are sh your hand on the toilet. That's your >> I [ __ ] in my hand as defense. >> Yeah. When did you do that last? >> Couple days ago. >> When did you play pickle ball last? >> Couple months ago. >> Exactly. All right. Here we go. Matt starts a conversation. I've got some mints ready for tacos. I love tacos. I love tacos, too. Sour cream. Oh, stop it. And avocado. Oh, yeah. Cheesy mints squirted straight into the taco. It's hot. The sour cream steams as I pour it on top. Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. [laughter] Oh yeah, that's not enough. I come back for more and inject even more mints into the overflowing taco. I kneel down and suck my mints out of your taco. >> And then we get ready for dinner. >> I'm matching. >> Damn, >> dude. You suck your own mint out of the taco. >> That is rough. >> Yeah, that was rough. >> That is different. That's different way to do it. >> I call this one desperation. [laughter] So this uh this person has a couple of kids just for context. So Matt starts. >> Oh no. >> I want to help raise your children. [laughter] >> That's the best. That's what you'll be saying when I instill family values and respect into your children. Sorry, our children. >> I can't even. You're funny, so that's definitely a plus. I will give up my life and everything I've achieved to be with you. As long as we can have one more child that is ours down the track. Oh, you lost me there. No more kids for me. Okay, [ __ ] it. I just changed my lifelong ambition to have a child just so you might consider being with me. Whatever you want is what I want, even if it's not really what I want. Please, I'm begging you. [laughter] >> You're a funny dude. So, what are you doing this weekend? Should we take the kids out? And then she stopped replying. are messaged like a day later. [clears throat] >> Sorry about that. [laughter] >> I really do want No, I need to see you. Not seeing my kids anytime soon. [snorts] What about you? Let me show show you Let me show you how I can treat you. I'm talking fine dining. I'll pay for all the public transport and even desserts. And that is an ongoing conversation. >> Dude, that is >> hectic. Dad, >> you're in there, Matt. Dude, that is so rough. >> Was she pretty? >> Uh, yeah. [laughter] >> Not that convincing. >> Look, everyone's pretty that I talk to. All of these ladies are beautiful. The beautiful ladies, what's in the inside, the heart is what matters. >> Oh, yeah. >> It is actually that. >> Oh, yeah. You guys, >> cuz think about when you're old and gray, >> your wife is going to be some saggy old [ __ ] >> You got to go through the slot to get to the heart. So, you're going to be like, "No, [laughter] everyone's on a shirt. >> Everyone's ugly when they're older." You need to find Sorry, >> I don't know why. >> All right, Matt starts a conversation. [clears throat] Magnificent. [laughter] >> Why, thank you. I'm really dominant. >> Oh, you are, huh? What do you enjoy doing the most? Making my partner stay at home instead of socializing with her friends. And why would she want to stay home? Because it makes me happy. Let me guess. She should be home serving you. No, I I just don't want a girl as pretty as you out there. You would get taken whether you want it or not. Uh-huh. Please, please elaborate. I seize up when I piss. Every m every muzzle in my body tenses. It's excruciating, but I still piss with full power. Fart in a bath and tell me it doesn't feel good. Unmatched. [laughter] >> That is so random. [laughter] She's expecting something. You still piss at full speed. [laughter] >> Oh, >> I don't think that's what she was asking. >> Oh, man. >> All right. Uh, another one here. So, this is ongoing conversation, by the way. [snorts] >> So, Matt starts. >> It's not me. >> I've been pissing in a bucket under my bed, and I checked this morning for the first time in ages, and a piss skin has formed. [laughter] You know, like how gravy gets a skin? Surely mine is the first ever piss skin. I'm going to take it out and let it dry in the sun. But anyway, how are you? [laughter] >> That girl thinks that's you showing her friends, posting you in Facebook groups. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> That's insane. >> Oh man, we should test that. >> Yeah, >> I think we I think we have. Yeah. >> I wonder if you got piss and then put a kombucha mother in it if it would form a piss mother or if you ate a heaps of gluten like I mean gelatin >> if it would jelly up the piss a bit. >> If you mix it with a piss. >> It's [laughter] dangerous. >> No more digestion. >> All right, that that's it. That's it for Tinders today. >> Outstanding. [applause] >> Well done, Matthew. You're getting closer. [laughter] >> Also, just on topic of this, you guys were arguing about uh the Lord of the Rings and pickle ball and which is most unattractive. I found a study of the 15 least attractive hobbies to women. >> Gaming. >> Got to be up there. >> Yeah, gaming. >> Any other guesses? >> Um, trading cards. >> Some of them I don't even know what they are. >> Collection. collecting collecting Pokemon cards. >> Collecting Pokemon cards Star Wars. >> All right, so I'll tell you the top one, two, three, four, five, six. Coming in at number six with 27.4% >> is anime. >> Oh yeah. >> Oh yeah. Even a chick liking that. >> Get the bus and don't pay for it. >> Yep. That's right. >> That's good, Michael. Makes sense. >> Yeah. Well, get kicked off the bus. just coming in just above that and a a really really popular pastime of our sweet Mr. Mickey over there. >> Golf obviously number actually I I'll there's something called MTG. What the [ __ ] that? >> That's Magic the Gathering [laughter] >> Josh. >> Magic the Gathering is just before this one which is drinking came in at number four. >> Yeah. Look well I don't drink no more and I have five five of >> You had a beer on Thursday. Yeah, I did as non-co. But yeah, look, I can understand you don't want to settle down with a partner who is vacant >> getting sloshed. >> Number three surprises me, which is debating. >> Oh, yeah. You don't want social justice warrior partner. Imagine having a partner that whenever they're debating. >> No, actually this is the way it is. And there's actually climates that are hurting >> you. You sorry. >> Wow. I noticed none of us are speaking. It's all Have you got some past traumas? >> No, it's just this I see. >> He agrees with this list other than the drinking. Number two is cosplay. >> Fair. A man cosplay. >> Yeah, that's rough. And number one, >> a man. Yeah, a dude can't cosplay is rules. A girl can, but >> yeah, a a guy >> Yeah, it's not. >> It's a girl thing. >> What's number one? >> Josh is correct. Comic books. But this is crazy because below that comic book below that is [snorts] >> clubbing which I reckon is worse. >> Porn worse. Gambling worse. Manosphere. >> What's Manosphere? >> Is that even a hobby? >> Right down. It's like Andrew Tate. >> Is that even a hobby? >> Cigars is on there. And crypto. >> Crypto's on there. Yeah. They'll >> win until it makes them rich. >> I'll buy you a bloody Camry. But no Lord of the Rings. It's although it fits in with all that's magic the gathering, man. More of your >> Lord of the Rings is magic. >> More of your things are more of your things are on there than mine. >> What? I don't One of my things. What was one of them? >> Drinking drinking. >> I don't [ __ ] drink no more. >> I didn't hear movies. I didn't hear movies. You're >> still Magic the Gather movies on there. >> Lord of the Rings is Magic the Gathering. >> It's not It's just a card thing. >> Guess what was the most attractive? >> Well, out of all of the hobbies in the world. >> Hang on. Reading. >> That's correct. >> Reading. >> What? >> Mhm. >> Reading. >> That makes sense. >> Yep. >> Why? >> Shows you're like in touch with your emotions and all that kind of stuff. >> How many books have you read? >> I'd love to see who made this. >> He deflected then. See, >> I don't know. >> I've read more books than you. >> Where did that Where did that study come from? >> I've probably read less. >> Pornhub. >> Researchers surveyed 840 people and ranked the least attractive hobbies for men according to women. you need to do. >> Yeah, I agree. You need to do big numbers. >> It's a very very small um >> group >> cuz what if they did that from a like that? What if that was done in California? >> Yeah, that's right. >> Do you know what I mean? That's a terrible place to do a >> That's right, Matthew. >> Yeah. >> How many books you read? >> Be honest. I'll be honest if you're honest. >> Does it count like things like um >> magazines? >> Yeah. [laughter] >> [ __ ] >> you talking about like novels? >> Yeah. No, just like biographies, proper long books, like hundreds of pages, >> like novels. >> Yeah, >> I don't know. Maybe like 12. >> He's probably up there. >> I I'm not a big reader. [laughter] >> That's not that bad. One every two years. >> I don't think he's read 12. I'd say he's read like five. >> All right, look, let's move on. >> All right, prank call. All right. So, we're going to call some restaurants that are definitely booked out and I'm going to try and weasle my way in because I am Matt Brown and I have like 20k followers. >> Somebody did send me a message on Instagram and went to my private request and the message just read, "Are you the Matt Brown with 20,000 followers?" >> Oh, really? >> Yeah. But it sounded like just a [ __ ] But it was very funny. >> No, that would have been them. >> No, just cuz I like to have a bit of room. Thank you for calling and speaking with >> Hey. Um I was just wondering just checking I've just come into town. I'm here for about a week. Um and I heard you guys like everyone's been raving about like your uh food and stuff. So I was just checking. >> Awesome. >> Um if I could just book a table for like this Friday night. You guys got any spots about um how many people? >> So a table for 10. I know it's like quite a lot, but um yeah, I just thought like, you know, >> for how many? Sorry. >> For for 10 like a like a table? >> Yeah, 10 people. There probably won't be 10 people. I just like to have a bit of room um at the table. It'll probably be about four people or so, >> but um we order quite a lot of food. Uh usually like, >> you know, we'll order like we just like to taste stuff. So, like just order like a bunch of entre, bunch of this, bunch of that. So it ends up being like covering like a lot of the table. So it's just easier if it's a bit bigger. >> Okay. Um so we usually um we'll just like book for how many guests there are because we like you can leave it to us to manage um like table space and that kind of thing. That's no stress at all. Um so she'd like me to book for 10 anyway and then you can just decrease a little bit closer to on Friday. Yeah, I really kind of I feel really comfortable if if I just knew it was like a large space like 10 and like Yeah, it's just just I need the room. Do you know what I mean? I don't know what to tell you, but I just need the room. >> We just wouldn't have anything available for 10 people until 8:45 that night is the only thing there. >> Such a shame. Do you guys have like uh like make exceptions and stuff for like VIPs? Like do you guys have like a process how to handle um Yeah. like important people and stuff like that. >> Um, no. We usually are quite like across the board want to make sure everyone um be okay or not once like can get a booking. So, we can't really like there's just no space like we couldn't really like kick anyone off the table. >> So, is there like there's not like any like private rooms or something like a suite? something like a bit more like just away from like you know everyone else. >> We um do have a private brain event just because it's for this Friday. It has been booked by another event. >> Um who's the who is the VIP that you're willing to book for? >> Yeah. So um it's it's me. Um and I'm So if you you've probably heard of me, Matt Brown. if you just Google me or something, it'll it'll show you. But yeah, like yeah, I've got like nearly 30k um followers on Instagram now. And >> yeah, I just kind of like to uh help businesses out and restaurants and stuff by kind of just, you know, giving you guys like some promo and stuff while I'm there. And um you know, then you guys can say like, "Oh yeah, like come eat here like Matt Brown did." And then like everyone will be like, "Holy [ __ ] that guy only goes to the best places." Cuz I do. >> Okay. knows death. Um yeah, we don't have anything at this stage, Matt, but um I can definitely like put you on a wait list and see if like there's anything that does come up. Um >> yeah, I don't I don't Sorry, I I don't like I don't do um weight lists. This is this is so bizarre um that you know cuz it's quite an opportunity for you guys too. Like do you have like the boss's like mobile number? I'll just give him a quick call. Maybe >> I'll just place him on a very quick hold and just double check the team. >> Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. And just let him know Matt Brown. Matt Matt Brown's in town. [laughter] Matt Matt Brown Matt Brown Matt Matt Matt Brown Matt Brown Matt Brown hot matte brown brown hot matte brown brown hot matte brown matte brown Brown. Brown. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Brown. Matt. Matt. Brown. Matt. Matt. Brown. Matt. Matt. Brown. Matt. Brown. Matt. Matt Brown. Brown. Brown. Brown. Brown. Brown. Matt. Matt Brown. Matt Brown. He's in town. Matt Brown. Matt Matt Brown. He's in town. Matt Matt Brown. Matt Matt Brown. Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Brown. Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Brown. Matt Matt Brown. Brown in town. Matt Matt Brown. Matt Brown. MATT BROWN. MATT BROWN. BROWN. BROWN. He's in town. Matt Brown. Brown. >> Yeah. >> Matt Brown. Matt Brown. Brown. HE'S IN TOWN. MATT BROWN. >> MATT. MATT. >> SORRY. Um I'm just So you're looking for a booking. Was it 10 this Friday night? >> Yeah. Yeah. Just a table for 10, but there'll probably be only about five of us. But like I said, like we order big. Like I'm talking like like how many How many meals you got on the menu? Like like no joke, we'll probably get like 80 90% of them the whole venue just bringing [ __ ] out one by one, you know, [laughter] >> just going for it. Okay. Um Okay. Max I can do at the moment is going to be space for seven. Um which I think will be fine. Are you okay with that? >> Yeah. Yeah. Look. >> Yeah. But we can make that work, you know, and like worst case scenario like you know if it is getting like overwhelming like you know like you said you guys can sort it out right and like bring like a little table or some [ __ ] >> kind of not really like the tables are pretty fixed in place but I'm sure we can make something work. >> Okay. Oh, I trust you. >> Maybe we can just pay. >> I tr [laughter] Look, I trust you and um yeah, I'm look I'm happy to bring myself, my friends, my wallet in and kind of just really give you guys some business. >> It's a good time. Okay, cool. Um what time are you thinking? Like does 7:30 work? Looking for something a bit earlier? >> We're probably going to have pre-drinks at Anie's place first. So, I'm Let's say like Do you know what? Let's say 8:00. Okay. Too easy. >> And like you guys do drink drinks and stuff too. Hey, like >> um like you guys do cocktails like real nice champagnes and [ __ ] like that. >> Yeah. Yeah. 100%. >> Oh yeah, that's good. Cuz it's going to be loose. Hey, like working hard all week. I'm so keen to just let some steam out. Hey. >> Okay. Yeah. Sweet. We can definitely get it sorted. Um, so I've got your number here. Um, ending in >> Yeah. Yeah, that's perfect. >> And I'm sorry, you said it was Matt. What was your last name? >> Brown. B R O W N. >> Yeah. And you like just Google me after we get off the phone and then Yeah, you'll you'll probably um know who I am. [snorts] >> Okay, no problem. Wait, I'm doing it now. There's a few map rounds. Yeah, I'm cool. [laughter] >> You're the >> Yeah, the Brown. >> Okay. >> Um, Matt, did you want me to send the confirmation to your email or would you prefer mobile? >> Let's do mobile. I'm so like not in the mood to be checking emails right now. >> Fair enough. Okay, awesome. So, I'll book it in for seven, but so most likely >> you guys do you guys do like if I do like promo and [ __ ] you guys don't do like discounts and any of that stuff. Hey, I just I got to ask I got to ask. It's me. >> We No, we don't really do Yeah, like that kind of stuff, unfortunately. >> That's fine. Look, I'll I'll probably like cuz I'll be like twisted up. I'll probably end up just chucking some stories and anyway. And if you want, I can tag you guys. That's no problem either. That's up to you. >> Yeah. Yeah. No problem. >> Yeah. No, look, I'm happy to do that just because you've been like super accommodating and stuff and um Yeah. You uh are you seeing anyone? >> I [laughter] am. >> Oh, okay. Well, don't worry. And maybe just let any of the single um workers know that um Matt Brown's coming in on Friday night. >> Okay. Noted. Um all right. Well, Matt, I'm going to get that one booked in and then I'll um I'll send a confirmation through to your phone. >> All right, Hector Guys, thank you so much for everything that you've done. >> No problem. Have a great afternoon. >> We'll see you Friday. Hey, >> see you. Bye. >> Bye, >> dude. No. No. [laughter] >> Bye. >> I HATE YOU. THE CRINGEST call we've ever done. >> Everyone's like this the whole time. >> You're going to have to call up and cancel. >> Yeah, I know. >> I'll never be able to go there. >> Why? >> They know your Friday number. >> They can go this You can go this Friday. [laughter] >> Should we call them back? >> Yeah. What do I do now? >> Leave it. >> Yeah. Are they Is it your mobile? >> That's right. >> All right, I'll just say yeah. No, cancel. >> Don't cancel. >> Cancel. >> You could go. >> Yeah. >> Oh, dude. I want to go. >> Dude, >> you honest honestly, we should go >> is >> Let's go. >> One of the best restaurants. >> Three friends, dude. >> The one restaurant of the year Australiawide like three or four years ago, I promise you, not even lying. >> Should we [ __ ] on Friday >> in the valley? We should. and just be like, "Sorry, it was a prank call, but we decided to [ __ ] it up." >> Don't even tell her. We just let Matt have to deal with that. >> Yeah, we should go, >> dude. We should definitely go and film it. >> Just a quick dinner. [snorts] >> Anyway, let's go do some shot put. K. My toe hurts. Don't use your toes then. Here we go. >> All right. Parolympic shotput coming up. All right, shot time. Three throws each, furthest wins. Who's going first? >> Cuz he lost last week. >> Black pocket two. >> Third fight. >> Whoa. >> What was that? Was that actually quite rare? >> All right. You ready? Would there be that much of a run up in real life? >> Not bad. >> Not bad, Michael. >> Not bad. >> That's just my first throw. >> It's just his warm up, man. >> So straight, too. >> Straight as an arrow, mate. Good luck, mate. >> That's yours. Come in here, Matt. >> They did this in the Olympics. Bro, >> I reckon you can go harder, too, if you real fire yourself up. [screaming] >> Now it's getting serious. You had your phone and [ __ ] in your pockets. Amateur, man. >> Or I just don't give a [ __ ] >> Shoot, man. This is serious. >> No, it's not. >> Competition serious in life. >> Man, that's it. Remember, up and forwards, 45° angle. >> Yeah. Explode with that arm. >> Come on, MATT. COME ON, BRANDON. >> [ __ ] MAN. >> OH, DUDE. >> I reckon he's going to prove from here. >> I reckon he's going to win it on the side. >> If you went and if you took another step forward, you would be winning. >> Yeah, >> you wouldn't be winning. Look at this, man. You're there. >> You need to make the most of this for the last one, man. >> Whatever. >> It is within you to win. [screaming] >> Straight. That's on. >> [screaming] >> I [ __ ] got it. Holy. Do it. >> Holy. Look how happy he is. Look at him. He's trying to hide his happiness. Look how happy he is. He's never won before. Look. This is what IT FEELS LIKE, MATT. >> A METER IN THAT. >> THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. YOU YOU DON'T LIKE that feeling? That's called winning. Oh. Oh, look. He's He doesn't even bloody LOOK HAPPY. HE'S THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. >> YOU DID IT >> WITH A BUNG TOE, TOO. >> DUDE, [screaming] YOU FINALLY DID IT. >> I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, MATE. >> What do you want to do next week? >> Let him gloat. >> Yeah, dude. You get you could even this even the score here. Two all next week if you choose Greco Roman wrestling. >> I don't even know what Greco is. >> Just say yes. It's rely on him and you win. You got to be like a gecko. >> Oh, it's Greco. >> Oh, is it? It's Greek gecko. >> Gecko. >> A Greek gecko. Yeah, it is. >> Any final words? >> Or Pepsi? >> Pepsi. >> Well done, Matt. I'm very proud of you. >> Well done, Matthew. Don't forget next episode we forgot to do our partner challenges. >> Oh, yeah. >> Very sorry about that. That will be happening next episode. Black Book returns as well as a wrestling match between the Brown >> the become Olympic sport. >> That's right. Now, please >> I should get to please subscribe >> and please please just a fivestar review. It doesn't cost you anything except two seconds and you can do it while you're listening. So, I don't know. >> It's pretty easy. >> Yeah, it would be lovely. I would. >> And we are the best. That's right. >> Could you get the rules printed for Greco Roman wrestling? Yeah, comment about what shoes you want on M with a B S T with a B E S TB with a B S with a B S with a B E S TB. Hey. Uh oh.