Video summary
In this episode of Impact Theory, the host addresses how to navigate and overcome significant obstacles by establishing a clear hierarchy of priorities. The core argument is that there can be no dual number one priority; instead, individuals must rank their challenges from most important to least important and attack them with ferocity proportional to their value. Using his own health issues as an example, the speaker illustrates how he prioritized recovery over other life obligations like work or minor distractions, even if it meant taking paid or unpaid time off. He emphasizes that while doing less is always a viable option, hating one's life is not; therefore, when facing critical challenges, one must be honest about what truly matters and willing to deprioritize secondary concerns rather than trying to manage competing "number ones" simultaneously. To sustain the motivation required for long-term goals, the host explains that emotional connection can be cultivated through a deliberate process of embodying desired feelings. He notes that the brain justifies whatever amplitude of emotion is displayed, suggesting that acting out excitement or passion initially feels theatrical but eventually becomes genuine over time—often taking six to eighteen months to fully internalize. However, he warns against building hype around goals one lacks the willingness to pursue, citing his early desire to be a stand-up comic as an example where intellectual interest did not translate into enjoyment of the process. Consequently, a strong "why" must be both exciting and honorable, elevating oneself while also benefiting others, ensuring that the pursuit remains sustainable rather than leading to high-friction burnout. Addressing self-destructive anxiety-induced habits rooted in childhood or long-term patterns, the speaker identifies diet as a primary driver of anxiety due to the gut-brain connection and dysbiosis. He shares his personal experience where removing artificial sweeteners like Diet Monster and Diet Coke reduced his anxiety amplitude by 70%, demonstrating that physical inputs often dictate emotional states before the brain constructs narratives about specific worries. Beyond dietary changes, he advocates for a holistic approach involving sleep, exercise, meditation, and pattern interrupts to prevent rehearsing anxious thoughts. This combination allows neural pathways associated with anxiety to atrophy over time, reducing their frequency and intensity, while also encouraging professional therapy when necessary to undo deep-seated loops. Finally, the discussion turns to managing unfulfilling employment situations where financial constraints or toxic environments conflict with personal values. The host introduces a framework involving two levers: making more money by acquiring new skills during nights and weekends, or needing less money through lifestyle adjustments. He stresses that joy and fulfillment are essential for life's punchline and warns against bringing unhappiness home to family members. To resolve conflicts between ambition and family needs, he advises open conversations with loved ones to determine whether their support is genuine or if they would prefer quality time over material gifts derived from hard work. By maintaining honesty about one's ambitions while respecting the desires of those closest to them, individuals can find a sustainable balance that honors both personal growth and familial well-being without compromising integrity.
Read the full video transcript
Hey everybody, welcome to another
episode of Impact Theory. Today, we are
going to be talking all about how to
power through
any obstacle and crush any goal. And
that is absolutely what you're going to
have to do. You've got to be able to
smash through, go over, go under, go
around, whatever it takes, any obstacle
to get things done. And the people that
are able to solve the most problems are
always the ones that win. So now the
question is, how do you do it? And
that's exactly what we're going to be
talking about today. Here we go.
First question. When you have one major
obstacle that you were overcoming, in my
case a health issue, how do you focus
your mind on the smaller life obstacles
you must overcome at the same time, even
though they are infinitely less
important to you? The great news is you
have already answered your own question,
which is you need to put them in
priority order, and you need to attack
them with the ferocity that their
like value to you is. So, if something
is really high value, really important,
the most important thing you could be
dealing with, then you're going to do
everything you can do to move that ball
forward. Now, inevitably, no matter what
it is, there will be times where you
will get to the point where you need a
break, or there's nothing more that you
can do, whatever.
And so, you're going to do everything
that you can do to push that ball
forward. And then once you need to move
on for whatever reason,
then or you're waiting for something,
then you go and focus on the smaller
things. But don't be afraid to say,
"This is my number one priority." And so
other things are going to get less
attention. So one thing I always tell
people at Impact Theory is doing less is
always an option.
What's not an option is hating your
life. Okay? So we're not going to do
things that allow us to hate our life.
So, if I know, "Hey, I've got a health
issue, I have to go really ham, but I
also have all this knick-knacky [ __ ]
that I have to deal with,
I'm going to take care of my health
first and foremost. I'm going to cut out
things that don't have,
you know, anything to do with that,
because they are less important to me.
And we went through this with Lisa. And
that meant that she was doing less at
work. Um, you know, if you have to take
paid time off or whatever, do it. If you
have to take unpaid time off, do it. If
you have to scale your lifestyle back to
make sure that you can take unpaid time
off, do it. There are a thousand ways,
but when something is truly the most
important thing, then you need to
address it as such. Now, what I find is
everybody tries to have these dueling
competing number ones. They think that
they're supposed to be doing all of
these things at the same time.
I'm just here to tell you that's not how
it works. So, you have to put things in
rank order. There is no such thing as a
dual number one priority.
Okay? There is number one, there is
number two, three, four, five, six, so
on and so forth. Okay? So, line them up,
do them in that order. And you have to
be relentless about it, and you have to
accept that not everything is going to
get done as well as you want to get it
done.
But it should get done in priority
order.
I find people have a really hard time
with that. That one to me is a bit
weird. If your priorities are listed in
order of the things that are important
to you, why would you do them in any
other way?
Unless you're lying to yourself about
what's actually important to you.
So, if what's in really important to you
is what your parents think about you,
well, then you might start making stupid
decisions, cuz you're not being honest
that what you really want is to please
your parents. Now, once you start being
honest about what your priorities are,
like for instance, let's say you have a
health issue, and you have kids, and the
reality is that your kids are your
number one priority, and your health is
number two.
Now, what do you do?
You've got a choice. You either have to
deprioritize your children, which is
going to be hard for some people, or
your spouse or your job or whatever,
but be honest. And if you're not
prepared to deprioritize your kids, then
you have to own that and accept the
consequences. Namely, depending on what
your health issue is, you may die
younger than you otherwise would because
you're not addressing it.
This is where we got to be honest. We
have to say what's really going on.
We've got to say what our priorities
really are. And when we stop
bullshitting ourselves about what our
priorities are, then we can execute in
priority order. And then everything in
life gets clear and simple. Doesn't get
easy,
but it gets clear and it gets simple.
Do it to it, as my mom would say.
I hope you guys enjoy the episode
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right, enjoy the episode.
How do you develop a strong enough why
in order to keep going if you feel like
giving up? Okay, there's a process for
this.
It is very straightforward.
There is a weird trick of evolution
where your brain
will justify
whatever amplitude of emotion you
display.
This is why if
um
it's kind of like where a child will
fall, bang their knee, and they look to
their parents like, "Am I okay?"
And if you react big, then the kid
starts crying. But if you're nonchalant
and you're like, "All right, cool. Stand
up." then the kid is nonchalant.
Your brain has a similar mechanism where
it's like, "Yo, this thing just
happened. How do we feel about it?" And
if you're like, "Oh my god, this is
amazing." then your brain goes, "Shit, I
guess this is a big deal."
So,
first of all, it's very important to
recognize that when you're trying to
build this connection to a why, you want
to start with something that's real,
something that already is exciting to
you for whatever reason, it just is
exciting.
Now, when you start with something that
you have a legitimate exciting
connection to, now, through that method
that I just explained, you can dial that
up. So, you're going to say it out loud
to other people, you're going to say it
internally to yourself, and you are
always, and I mean always, going to
embody the emotion you want to feel.
Now,
in the beginning, it's going to be very
theatrical, and you're going to feel
like, this is dumb. Why am I doing this?
I don't feel this sort of hype level
that I'm bringing to it.
But, you're going to start to, I like
the 3-month mark, it starts to be like,
oh, wow, like, that's just how I respond
to this. Then, at the 6-month mark, it's
like, yo, I actually have a deep
emotional connection.
By a year, by 18 months, it's like, it
it will really change you. And so, you
have to be very careful what you point
yourself at, what you decide to make
your why, what you fan the flames of,
because over time, it really does become
a part of you. Now, that's amazing, but
it's also
high-risk isn't the right idea, but it
is
it's dangerous. Like, you have to be
thoughtful, because you can get yourself
super hyped up about something that
either you don't actually
have the willingness to pursue, and so,
you can create the sort of high-friction
thing in yourself.
Um
Like, let's say, for instance,
this is random, because this wasn't what
it was like for me, but in in the early
days, I wanted to be a stand-up comic.
Now, I could have poured all my time and
energy and all of that into being a
stand-up comic, but if the act of being
up on stage is actually miserable, and
it isn't fun, now I've just built all
this hype into having a why around
entertaining people or whatever, and I
don't enjoy the process. And so, maybe
there's something intellectually
interesting about it, which was that
original spark that made me want to
build this enthusiasm around it. But, if
that doesn't actually play out in the
long term, you have to be careful. So, I
would be thoughtful about a why
that is exciting and honorable. So,
something that not only elevates
yourself, but elevates other people.
That you can usually pour yourself into
with reckless abandon.
Okay.
How do I overcome a self-destructive
anxiety-induced habit, even if it
started at a very young age? Okay. So,
we are first and foremost, this is going
to surprise you, but first and foremost,
we have to make sure that the anxiety
response atrophies. So, neurons that
fire together wire together, and this is
not the surprising part. I'll get to
that in a minute. So, neurons that fire
together wire together. So, the anxiety
loop has become easy for your brain to
do, easier than anything else. So, you
are more likely to have this anxiety
response because you've just done it,
like you said, since you were a kid.
So, we have to get those connections to
atrophy. And the way that we're going to
get those connections to atrophy is
actually going to start with our
diet.
Now, I have found in my own experience
that because of the gut-brain
connection, the number one driver of the
anxiety impulse is caused by dysbiosis.
So, you're eating and/or drinking things
that are causing the sense of unease,
which your brain, going back to the
previous answer, your brain is going to
justify the way that it feels. So, you
feel anxious, and you're like,
"What am I anxious about?" Then your
brain is going to tell you a story. "Oh,
you're anxious about X, Y, Z."
It's actually not true.
You feel anxious because of what you ate
or drank.
And then your brain is simply overlaying
a story onto that thing. So,
now, let's exacerbate that a
thousandfold and say, "No, no, no, this
thing really is anxiety-provoking." Yes,
but now it's a question of amplitude.
So, what we want to do is bring the
amplitude way the hell down. So, we're
going to get our diet right. In my own
life,
70%, so not 100,
but 70% of my anxiety was caused by my
diet.
And as I removed Diet Monster and Diet
Coke,
and I miss them both dearly, they are
lovely, but they made me feel anxious.
And as soon as I cut them out of my
diet, my anxiety improved so
dramatically that it was startling.
Now, of course, like anything, it takes,
you know, a couple weeks to really work
its way out of your system. Now, that
doesn't mean that I went from not have
or having anxiety to not having anxiety,
but I went from these huge amplitudes of
anxiety to them dialing down 70%. It was
incredible. It was the biggest win in my
journey of anxiety. So, removing that
was hugely important. Getting sleep also
hugely important. Exercise hugely
important. And then meditation hugely
important. If you are doing those four
things,
and then do one fifth item, which we'll
call pattern interrupt, so that every
time you begin to get on that loop, you
interrupt yourself, you don't allow
yourself to think about that thing that
triggers your anxiety.
So, we get the diet right, get the
exercise, get the sleep, get the
meditation, so we're getting better at
turning down the volume
on the anxiety amplitude.
And then, over time, as you pattern
interrupt and stop yourself from even
thinking that and rehearsing the failure
and the worry and all of that, now
you're going to find that those bonds of
anxiety in your brain, the literal
connections, are going to atrophy.
And your brain doesn't At first, it
doesn't leap to the same amplitude, then
it doesn't leap to the same amplitude as
often, and then it just doesn't leap as
often.
And that's how you begin to undo the
anxiety.
And then, of course, there's always
therapy. So, don't be afraid to see
somebody to help you through this
process. If nothing else is working,
undoing anxiety is extraordinarily
difficult. I, unfortunately, know this
firsthand.
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How do you come to accept you have to
withstand something like a bad job that
takes up your whole day while knowing
that your time is valuable and limited?
Okay. Now, let's play a game. And let's
call this game
What would Tom do?
Now, I want you to ask, do you think
that Tom is going to stay in a bad job
for long?
No.
That's the I'll skip to the last page.
And Tom has a bad job. Uh
skip to the last page. Tom leaves the
job.
Now,
Tom is going to be very thoughtful
because I completely understand that
this is largely about, "Yo, I have to
pay bills. Hey Tom, nice for you. You
don't have kids and you've already been
successful. So, that's not really
helpful for me."
Now, I will say that
joy and fulfillment are the punchline of
life, not money, not success, not
adoration. So, you are losing, losing,
losing if you're staying in a job that
makes you unhappy. I promise if you have
kids and that's the thing that's really
making this difficult, you are bringing
that unhappiness home. And so, we have a
moral obligation to break that, to make
sure that we are pursuing things that
are joyful so that we can show our kids,
"Hey, this is how it's done." Now,
you're not stuck at a job. There's
something that's making you feel stuck
at the job. I'm going to assume for now
that it's money keeping a roof over your
loved one's heads. That That to me seems
like the scariest. So, okay, assuming
that it's that, remember, there are
always two levers. Lever number one,
make more money. Lever number two, need
less money.
Okay? You can pull on either lever you
want.
Now, if you say, "Uh, Tom, I can't need
less money. Just We're all We've already
cut it all to the quick. You know, my
kids just need a certain amount. It just
is what it is." Okay, amazing. So, now
we're going to make more money. Awesome.
How do we go about doing that? First of
all, let's identify what we hate about
our job because there might be Are there
other roles within that company? If it's
just the job and not the company, is
there somewhere that we could move? In
which case, we go ask, "Okay, I want
this job which pays more money. What
would I need to do? What skill set would
I need to have? What expertise would I
need to demonstrate in order to get
there?"
And then go do that thing.
If it's the company and we just the
company's toxic, we can't be there
anymore, then I will ask, "How many
resumes have you sent out in the last 48
hours?" If the answer isn't 250, then
we've got some work to do.
Now, let's assume that the answer is
250. Then we have to figure out, why
aren't we getting a response? Do we not
have a skill set that's marketable? Is
our resume terrible? Are we not going
out to the right places? Have we not
framed ourselves well?
Could be any one of those things, but we
have to be honest and real and figure
out what we need to do to get out of
this situation. But we certainly don't
just accept defeat and go, "Wow, this
sucks. This is my whole life."
Nights and weekends is also going to
come to our
help or aid here. So, nights and
weekends, if you know, "Whoa, I just
don't have the skill set that I need to
go find another job." Then we're going
to start building that skill set.
Maybe the skill set is interviewing,
getting good at interviewing, and then
we're going to get good at that. But we
are going to find a way out of our
situation, and we are going to find a
way out of our situation quickly. So, do
not accept defeat, hold yourself
accountable to the truth, to what you
need to do to get out of that situation,
and then get out.
Because as you said, our time is truly
limited.
My biggest value is my family. So,
outside of my day job, they are my
number one focus. Because of this, I
really struggle to make time to acquire
and develop the new skills I need, even
though they have the potential to
greatly improve my family's quality of
life in the long run. How do I
prioritize myself over those who are
most important to me in order to make a
better life for all of us?
Okay, I can feel you have competing
values. So, first of all, you need to
figure out what your highest value truly
is. Is it
improving the life of those you love?
Or is it
being with the ones you love? And so,
those can be very different things. And
Lisa and I talk about this all the time,
and I talk about how hard I fight for
this family to do amazing things for
this family. And Lisa's like, "Hey, you
need to be thoughtful about that because
some percentage of that you're doing for
yourself,
and some percentage of that is really
something valued by her, right? And so,
I really have to ask, like, where does
this become it's about me and my
ambition, and where does this actually
become about her and the family? And so,
you need to have those conversations. In
what way does your family want to be
served, right? Because if you're saying,
"I'm doing this all for my family."
and you're serving them in a way where
they're like, "You know, honestly, Dad,
husband, or Mom,
whatever, that wife, that maybe they
would just rather have time with you."
And so, all this crazy stuff that you're
doing, they're like, "Hey, when I think
about you being into it, not being your
ambition, and you wanting to work that
hard, then it's like, rad, I want to
support you. But when I think that
you're doing that somehow for me, like,
dude, I'd rather live in a hovel
and get time with you, than whatever it
is that you {quote} {unquote} think is
going to make our life better."
So, you have to be very thoughtful about
what's really going on. Like, for me,
I'm [ __ ] ambitious. And so, yes,
there is some of like wanting to make my
entire family's life better.
But a lot of it is really just that's
where I want to be. And so, as I told
Lisa, "Look, you're my number one
priority, but there's one thing you
cannot ask me to give up, and that is my
ambition. But whenever like I'm really
starting to damage the marriage, I'm
taking too much time, I'm too focused,
I'm too hardcore, whatever, let me know,
and I will react accordingly. But it's
not a mistake that Lisa and I have built
companies together for the last
whatever, 12 years.
Okay? That's very much on purpose, so
that as a couple we're coming together,
even as we're expressing our individual
ambitions.
But we're super clear about what's at
play, where, how much is, you know,
personal ambition, how much is really
like that well-received
contribution to the family. Because if
they're not receiving the gift you are
trying to give, then are you really
giving a gift?
So, you've got to be super thoughtful.
Talk through this stuff. Be very open
and honest and candid and vulnerable.
Find out what they really want.
And then find that balance that works,
right? That some of it may just be, "Yo,
I'm doing this because I want to help
the family and the family's told me that
they, you know, want this gift. And then
some of it is just my ambition. And so,
I might work a little bit harder at work
than my family would want me to, but I
don't go crazy in where I'm not
spending, you know, maybe instead of
spending 3 hours with the family every
night, I'm spending 2 hours with the
family every night, putting a little bit
more work in, you know, at my job. And
maybe it's like I give them all day
Saturday, but I only give them half of
the day Sunday. And they're like, "Oh
man, this is amazing. You're so focused
and the time that we get is so
incredible and so high quality.
This is amazing. I couldn't ask for
anything more." But the only way you're
going to find that dance is to discuss
it and to be completely honest about
what you want in your life.
That's the way.
That is the way.
All right.
Obstacles can come in many forms in your
life.
It could be failure. It could be a
difficulty at work. It could be
that you want something that you feel
like you're not supposed to want. It
could be conflicting desires. It could
be waning passion.
Each thing that comes into your life,
take them one by one. Assess them
honestly.
Figure out what you really want in life
and then adjust accordingly.
And if you've got enough perseverance,
enough passion, a deep enough connection
to your why, you really can do
extraordinary things with your life.
But you can't give up. You can't give
in. You've got to stay focused.
You've got to be driven. And if you do
all of those things, you can get to the
other side of anything.
All right. Thank you guys so much for
joining me. And if you haven't already,
be sure to subscribe. And until next
time, my friends, be legendary. Take
care. Peace.