Video summary
Chris Bumstead reflects on the complex state of modern masculinity, noting a tension between societal demands for traditional traits like aggression and strength versus the growing need for emotional vulnerability among young men. He argues that true confidence allows a man to integrate both masculine and feminine energies within himself, meaning one can be disciplined and take charge while simultaneously acknowledging feelings, asking for help, and leaning on others without losing their sense of self or competence. This balance is essential because suppressing emotions does not resolve internal distress; instead, men must learn to navigate the imbalance between holding it together and allowing themselves to break down when necessary. Bumstead shares a deeply personal story from his own childhood to illustrate this struggle, recounting an incident where he was hospitalized as a twenty-year-old but refused to tell his parents or ask for help out of fear that they would be stressed or anxious about him. He describes the terrifying experience of sitting alone in a hospital room staring at the wall and realizing how much better it could have been if someone had simply sat beside him, highlighting generational trauma where men are taught not to express pain because their own parents did not know how to show love or support. This realization has driven his desire to break that cycle for future generations while acknowledging that there will always be gaps in parenting and understanding between individuals. To address those who struggle with opening up due to fear of judgment, Bumstead advises finding people who genuinely care and are willing to listen, even if they must be prompted repeatedly to notice changes in a person's demeanor or mood. He emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help when personal support systems feel unsafe or insufficient, sharing his own experience of crying during his first therapy session after years of suppressing emotions. Through this process over the last five years, he found that releasing suppressed feelings made him feel lighter and more aligned with himself, reinforcing the idea that vulnerability is a strength rather than a weakness. He further illustrates that there is no single philosophy for masculinity; what works for one person may not work for another due to different life drivers and backgrounds. He cites his friend George in Austin as an example of someone with a fantastic childhood who has little baggage, suggesting their path differs from Bumstead's own journey filled with trauma. Ultimately, he rejects the idea that men must choose between being successful competitors like Andrew Tate or overly sensitive individuals; instead, they should aim to be the best version of themselves by intertwining strength and emotion. He points to Jesus Christ as an archetype who was both a "badass" figure yet wept before his crucifixion, proving that fear, stumbling, and needing help are human experiences compatible with being strong. The discussion concludes with Bumstead affirming that failure on stage or in competition does not diminish one's worthiness as a man; he remains worthy regardless of the outcome because he values himself beyond external validation. He stresses that while some men may push insecurities aside, others must actively work to integrate their emotional lives into their public personas and ambitions. This holistic approach requires individuals to discover what is true for them personally rather than adopting another's framework entirely, ensuring they can embrace both the desire to win and the capacity to feel deeply without contradiction.
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how much do you interact how much do you
think about sort of the state of modern
masculinity at the moment and the
challenges that young men are facing
I've recently started to think about a
lot more I think it's been surfacing
more and
it's it's a weird like balance because
people like Andrew Taylor saying like we
need more masculinity we need more
aggression we need like X Y and Z and I
think there's
that I agree with that on one level for
like a little bit but there's also a
section of men who just feel alone like
myself who felt like they have to hold
things in that they shouldn't share
their emotions that they don't lean on
people and that they should just carry
stuff in and they need to be X Y and Z
to be like good enough so there's this
like balance of that and you almost need
to learn to again like I mentioned like
that the masculine and The Feminine be
able to integrate that I feel like a
real man is confident and comfortable
enough to embrace the feminine energy he
has in him if he's emotional let it out
but also have that masculine side of it
be like I'm gonna be emotional right now
but I'm still gonna go and [ __ ] [ __ ] up
right now you know I'm still going to
take charge of what I want with my life
I'm going to work [ __ ] hard to be
disciplined but I'm gonna accept that
sometimes I'm gonna break down and it's
gonna be I'm not saying that women break
down but there's more emotion over there
and allow it to feel it and to ask for
help and to lean on people and be able
to balance those two and that like yin
and yang I think I think that's what's
missing personally and I do like on one
level I do feel a sense of
responsibility because if Fitness is a
big world of men who are I think usually
get into Fitness on some level maybe
feeling lost and then can feel a little
bit safe and I heard a lot of people be
like I can go in the gym and just forget
about everything I'm like that's great
the gym is an amazing tool for that but
you still need to go back and feel that
[ __ ] eventually because it's not going
away a good workout doesn't make
distress at home better now it's still
just buried under that [ __ ] dopamine
Russian sick pump you got in your chest
you know it's still there so I think
just learning to navigate and imbalance
that is super important and that's where
I'm like okay I'm someone right now
where people look up to on one level
there's a responsibility for me
let's take my 12 year old self
who felt like he had to hold it all
together he couldn't lean on anyone he
couldn't ask for help and I just
remembered this time I was in the
hospital a few years ago and I didn't
tell my parents I didn't want to tell
them because I didn't want them to be
stressed and anxious and then they found
out and I was like it's okay like don't
come I'm totally fine like they were out
of town or we live in different cities
and I don't even bother coming I'll be
out of here in no time it's okay and I
thought about that and I broke down
crying again and I was like why didn't I
ask for help I felt so scared and alone
and just to have my mom sitting beside
me I'm a man I'm 20 years old at the
time it would have felt better but why
am I so scared to ask for help you know
like why do you think you are scared to
ask about
part of my childhood of just feeling
like hey I saw my dad who didn't really
need help my mom was busy they were both
super busy with work and they gave me
everything that they could but they came
from families who didn't know how to
show them kind of love and support and
they came from so there's all these
generations of this pain who don't know
how to express themselves and then I
think honestly my parents jumped about
tension worth of progress of who they
are and how they showed me love and
vulnerability as much as they could but
there's still stuff missing and now I
would like to jump a few Generations as
well and hopefully help my kids but
there's always a gap of where the kid
where we're gonna miss something and I
think a lot of that does come from my
childhood and then so when I get in
situations like that I'm afraid to ask
for help and now I look back and I'm
just like
if I had you started crying and been
like I need you mom like I would have
felt so much better yeah but I had to be
like no I'm okay don't even come I'm
good I mean sit in this hospital by
myself and stare at the wall and just
try not to think about dying you know
like that's [ __ ] insane I don't know
why I did that what would you say okay
so you know there's a lot of guys
listening who say that that resonates
with me I feel like I struggle to open
up like I
find it hard to embrace the fears and
the insecurities and stuff that I have
what have you found
as a good first step or as the first
steps that's good for those guys to take
to move forward
it's it's definitely tough and it's
depending on the situation in your life
and this is kind of where I was getting
at is like hopefully myself
if I think of who I would have wanted to
be as a role model to that 12 year old
boy that's who I should be in this world
to anyone who is looking up to me now so
I hope that some people like me who
Express this stuff can at least give
permission for people to start that
Journey so if I have that if I have that
impact on anyone and I've had people
come up to me and like a q Nathan [ __ ]
like I want to ask you this but like I'm
[ __ ] going like tell me some crazy
story where I'm about to cry listening
to them and they're coming to share it
with me and I'm like [ __ ] man like
that's that's deep you need some like
you need people to lean on and they're
like I don't know what to do so my
advice for those people would be to
understand that hopefully you have
someone in your life who loves you and
if they love you they want to help you
they might not know how to ask you
because they weren't given that help so
sometimes you have to put yourself out
there and be like and just open yourself
up to them and allow them to see deep
inside you because not everyone can read
your mind and like dive deep into your
school just because you're like you have
a different look on your face today or
something you know so if you have people
you love lean into them and if you
really don't feel safe with anyone in
your life that's scary and I'm like I
feel horrible for anyone who feels that
alone but find a therapist or something
I initially I did have people I could
lean on and loved in my life but I went
to a therapist before even them and back
in 2020 when I told you I think I don't
really want to I can't talk about that
was really hard on me I buried all that
and I went to a therapist and started
talking to them and I thought I'd never
be able to open up to someone some
stranger I don't know first session
[ __ ] crying on this couch and I was
like holy [ __ ] there's a lot of stuff
inside me right now and so much of my
journey for the last five years I've
been understanding how much stuff I've
suppressed and didn't know what was
there and allow it to come up and the
amount of like the how light my heart
feels and how light my body feels when I
kind of get some of that out it just
helped me so much you can tell you can
really tell that you feel more sort of
aligned just like yeah I just feel good
with myself overall and I know like I
said earlier I got emotional just
thinking about like the people I've had
in my life and now it was Courtney the
amount our relationship has built over
this span of time of me being able to
bring myself out more and share with her
or like we were engaged and now I'm like
I don't [ __ ] even know what a ring is
but I'm gonna [ __ ] die with this girl
by my side because nothing's gonna tear
us apart and I just we've built that
connection through that trust
remembering what you said about
um
don't necessarily expect people to be
able to pick up on the fact that your
face looks a bit different today yeah
she had to ask you four times yeah in
the bathroom yeah now I was lucky as
hell that she's such a empath type of
human she's super emotional and she was
able to see me but if not who knows if I
would have shared that over there yeah I
either uh empath or
um unrelenting perhaps but both I'm
gonna keep on asking and keep on asking
me keep on poking yeah I I really do
think that this
this tension we talked about this
attention between a desire for success
and a feeling of being enough
um between wanting to be strong and
competent and also being able to
integrate the emotions that you have
it is all so individual and the point is
that
trying to take any philosophy any one
Philosophy from someone and saying I am
going to take the Andrew Tate or I'm
going to take the Chris bumsteader I'm
going to take the Chris Williamson
approach to this sort of a thing
fundamentally doesn't work because the
drivers that you have are completely
different yeah and I think that the only
thing which really does scale is okay
try and find out what's true
in you try and find out how you actually
feel about these things I have a friend
who's staying in Austin at the moment
guy called George and when anybody asks
him about his childhood and everyone's
supposed to got like [ __ ] from their
childhood he has nothing he has
absolutely nothing like is my childhood
was fantastic do you ever get bullied no
I had loads of good friends and I have
no baggage I have no trauma I have no
nothing so for him the solution is
completely different yeah solution is
completely different to the one that it
is for maybe me or you and yeah I think
there's still a potential that he's
looking back with rose-colored glasses
oh yeah and that he just kind of pushed
a few small things aside and now some
stuff might make him feel triggered or
insecure embarrassing he just like oh
that's normal just kind of push it over
and move on but he doesn't even see it
I'm not saying that's true it might be
but it's possible if he breaks down
crying this week in the just go home and
poke him like are you good are you good
yeah good five times yeah five times how
do you think about breaking that stigma
that like both can coexist in a alpha
male too for men you know like you can
be this [ __ ] killer who cries you know
like you can and I mean I'm not a deep
religious person but you look at someone
like Jesus Christ the night before he
got crucified the Bible says he was
weeping you know he was scared when he
was carrying the cross he was stumbling
he was falling he had to have people
help him like this is the epitome of the
archetypal like human you know and he
struggled he cried he was scared and he
was sacrificed for everyone like that's
a story the oldest time that was equally
showing that but you don't think Jesus
was a [ __ ] badass [ __ ] like I
think he probably was you know so I
think there's a there's an ability to
intertwine that and sometimes people
come out of the Woodworks like Andrew
Tate who are just so far one away like
this is being a man and then there's
people who are too far the other way who
like you need to be sensitive and cry
and who cares about winning and all this
[ __ ] it's like no like I want to be the
best version of myself and that's my
biggest goal but underneath that I want
to [ __ ] win I want to [ __ ]
embarrass everybody on stage but when I
don't I'm not any less of a man I'm
still just as like I still value myself
I'm just as worthy of a human being
let's just I still want to [ __ ] [ __ ]
[ __ ] up over there you know to be able
to intertwine that and just believe that
they can coexist I think it's something
just super important to set off on that
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