One Of Us Gets A Face Tattoo (Season 08 Episode 14)

You're going to put your little tin out. You're going to put your little tin out and hope you get some crumbs, [laughter] >> Kevin. >> And you won't be able to bloody drive back. Your feet will be so swollen. >> I drove back, mate. >> I was just thinking [laughter] that. >> You better not forget it. [laughter] >> N that's hectic [ __ ] Three, two, one. >> Keep waiting. Michael's getting annoyed. >> Do you need a more like closer? >> We might have to add an hour to the day with you, mate. >> Do you need the claps closer together? >> We should leave this. >> Three, two, one. >> You really need them. It doesn't matter. down. Don't be yourself. Leave this zone. >> 3 2 1. >> Very inconsistent. >> See, this is what we deal with every day. And this is why we have to get you tutors, mate. >> Oh, calm down. >> This is why let him go and we had to throw him a bone. [snorts] >> Why did not let me go? I let them go. Welcome to episode number 14. Holy sh >> Oh yeah, >> it is, brother. >> [ __ ] man. We got a jam-packed app for you guys today. So, sit down. If you're in your car, enjoy. Just sit back, relax, breathe out, let your body relax, and let's have some [ __ ] offs together, boys. >> Just sit back, put the seat back, close your eyes, >> have a car if [laughter] you can, and just enjoy this cuz look, we got we got the $100 challenge is back with the team. >> Excited about that. >> We got a brand new segment, a Reddit segment with James. Fussy little boys is here. We got a prank call where I pretend to be Matt Brown and he gets a tutor lesson. We got Tinder Adventures and of course another competition between Matthew and Michael. So [ __ ] enjoy it. >> Oh, we got some PO box, too. You've got it. >> Yeah. And we and we have a special a special gift from Jackass. And I've got two things I'd like to clear up. >> Oh, here we bloody. Here we go. >> Technically, it's episode 15 because we skipped 13 cuz that's an unlucky number, brother. remember >> we did look they do that at hotels because that you don't want a hotel to collapse. I don't know what could go wrong on a podcast. Okay. And secondly, >> be cool, honey bunny. >> We were trying to figure out if we'd get into episode 300 already. [snorts] This is Matt. And then I was like I said, mate, I checked on >> All right. [laughter] And we move on to the next part of the podcast. >> IT WAS A LIE. I LIED. >> I KNEW IT WAS A [ __ ] LIE. >> What was a lie? >> I lied about counting to all the podcast. >> Wow. >> I knew you wouldn't do it. That's >> No, that deserves applause cuz that was very convincing. I was convinced. Josh was convinced he's clapping. You were convinced, but you just don't want to give him his flowers. >> No, because I was cuz not everyone no one cared that we were hitting 300. So, I was like, "Oh, well, it doesn't really matter." I was just sort of challenging that he if he actually did. >> Does anyone out there know if we've done >> I think we're like we're either on it or we're like one away. Anyway, look, we've done around 300 podcasts, so that's pretty cool. >> I'll do it today. I'll figure it out. >> No, we don't have time. >> Fine. >> Wonder how many days it would take to watch all of our podcasts back to back. >> Probably about three. >> Should we? And we'll stream it. >> Does YouTube tell you how many days of content you got, >> man? >> Hey, watch every episode back to back. >> Didn't watch his films while he was on acid. >> Would you watch all of our podcasts back to back on acid, Matt? >> Be three days worth of tripping. >> Oh, man. You do it on mushrooms. >> You get stuck in the chair. Anyway, >> season 4 through to seven would be rough because I'll be dressed up as something weird and I'd freak out. >> You're still doing the Oh. >> So, >> man, that' be quite cool. It'd be a long >> watching every single episode and we just all sit around watch them together and comment. >> Season one be rough to watch. [laughter] >> Yeah, man. >> We would just [ __ ] with alcohololism. Yeah, >> people say they uh they they do it every year. where they do the whole the whole series. >> So beautiful. >> Used to be like 30 minutes, remember? >> Yeah. And then at one point they got blew up to like two and a half hours. >> Yeah. I'm interested. Write in the comments. I want to know who who's watched every single episode of Fully Actual Start date to end date. So, have you done them all in say 2 weeks? That would be unbelievable. >> I want to know what the fastest amount of time is that someone's watched every episode. And I'd actually be interested to know how many times you've watched every single episode. So, have you done one run through? Have you done two runthroughs? You done three runs. >> I wonder if Spotify has that data. >> Double double data. >> I don't know. Just look at the Spotify analytics. Anyway, look, we've done nearly 300. So, if you could please give us a like and a subscribe because we've worked our bloody tails off to get to 300 episodes and we do it all for you and we want to keep entertaining. So, help us grow our little audience, please. >> Spotify is my favorite. We're at like 4.6 five star reviews. >> We were just talking about YouTube subscribers. We We're almost at 50K. >> 50. Yeah. How cool would 100 be? >> Yeah, 100. We got to do something wild for 100, bro. >> We're only halfway there. If we got another eight seasons to go, but maybe next season we can >> see how we've bloody left a spot up there in the bloody middle of the bloody wall, brother. >> See that? And between the cow and the >> That is for the 100k plaque. >> Grab a plaque. >> All right, look, let's get to top comments. We're sidetracking. We're talking about ourselves a lot. >> Well, you hang on. We're sidetracking yet. You have time to talk about how you lied. >> Yeah. Well, look, that was a very good lie. And also, I wanted to clear up how we haven't actually done episode 13. >> Your hairline's receding. That's why you're wearing a hat. >> I'll take it off right now. [laughter] >> You've exposed all of us. >> We'll leave it on. [laughter] >> You call that receding, then I call you >> All right. Come on. Read the [ __ ] comments. And the top comment from YouTube is actually why we >> Matt's fat, everybody. >> Holy [ __ ] >> MATT'S FAT. WHOA, >> SORRY. >> Sticks and stones, [gasps] >> honey bunny. Sorry, I lashed out. >> Um, yeah. So, top comment from YouTube actually inspired a new segment, which is >> Dante I spat all over myself. [laughter] >> Dante Sparta 5916. 5916. Spart Dante Spider. >> Yeah. James needs to start a segment of his own where he finds the most cringe, absurd, funny stories from Reddit and narrates them to the fans. I'll leave the jingle up to Michael. And guess what's happened? >> We actually did this [ __ ] So we This is a clap. We won't show it yet. We got to wait for the segment. >> Dante, mate. O Dante, [applause] >> how many likes did they get? >> Uh 35, I think. >> 35. There you go. You ask, you will receive. When it's me, we'll get it done. >> Yeah. If it's if it's not involving Matt, it gets done immediately. [laughter] [snorts] >> Delay. >> Yeah, I got I get that one. >> Um, the Spotify top comment was from Toby with an eye. >> Toby Jones. >> If this gets top comment, Matt Brown shall drink an entire 1.5 liter of Buzz Ball. >> Is that Can we buy them yet? It's an energy drink. >> No, it's that alcoholic ball that um I've seen it. It was overseas. I think in the UK they became in the US. >> Yeah, they are. It might be the US, but I've seen like YouTubers and stuff drink them. It's just It's basically, you remember Fat Lamb? I think it's like that kind of but in a ball in a big bowl. And they're super alcoholic and quite delicious. >> 15% alcohol. >> Yeah. >> Would you do that, Matt? >> Oh, we should definitely get one here. >> Yeah. It's just a big ball and you can drink it. And they sell them at like servos and [ __ ] all over America and the UK. Yeah, that's them. >> I'd like to try one. >> Yeah, they look yummy. >> I think I've seen one. I think I literally have I think it's like dog real cheap. Get like they're that's what we would get up in high school on. >> Goon was like goon days. >> Well, yeah, that's pointing. >> I used to have a few of Goons. >> I show you. >> Tropic Tang, lime retita, pink lemon squeezy, berry cherry limeade. I love a berry cherry limeade. >> I'd get the berry cherry lemon. >> I like the idea. >> I'd get it before you, brother. >> I'd drink it first. >> I'm going to beat you a B ball today, baby. >> All right, look. Let's move on. I don't know. >> No, we got to clap, boys. >> Oh. >> Well done, mate. That is bloody spot on. And we will get that done for you, mate. >> Watch. >> Maybe. >> I wonder if we can order one of them. >> Are they in Australia? Yeah, they are. I'm pretty I think I I have a vision [snorts] of seeing one. >> Was a dream. You had a vision. >> No, like recently in Australia in person. >> Just last time we did the drinking challenge with Brown when he drank um Ribina, we literally like the way he was after that we like we've stripped 5 years off his life. >> I reckon five months. [laughter] >> Like I I did daily for years and I'm still kicking. >> That's why you'll die for >> Yeah. But you're like you're like a human like uh anonymous cockroach. >> Yeah. You'll live through the hard times >> and not get sick somehow. one of God's c like weird creations that they didn't mass produce. >> I'm a fluke. >> Yeah, you are. But we got huge news, guys. So, >> multiple huge news. >> We got so many hues. >> So much news right now. Holy [ __ ] >> The hugest of newses. >> So, you know how we normally do a live show at the end of the year? >> Why are you being all sheepish? >> Well, look, we're doing it sort of, but um it's a little different. It's going to be a So, look, we think that the most important part of the live shows is seeing you guys and hanging out with you guys having a part. >> The live shows, they are a huge amount of energy and resources to set up and like learn and do and they're very expensive. So, we've decided moving forward that we're going to instead of a live show, we're going to have a live screening of the podcast finale. So, our plan is we hire a big beautiful cinema. We'll all be there to watch the finale. It'll be interactive, so there'll still be some pain and stuff and we'll all be there obviously at the front and talk to you guys. Then, the most important thing, we all go to the afterparty after the cinema. That way, we don't have to spend 3 months planning one show every year and stressing and and freaking out. we can just all enjoy our podcast together with you guys and then we get on and after which is the most important thing. >> Yeah. So, it's about and I've been into the cinema and it is going to be hectic. The screen is massive. And also this year we are going to have VIP tickets again which means uh you get to come and hang out with us before the show. Um you get to on your own too. It's just just you and us, baby. Also, you will get a t-shirt that is available nowhere else. So, if you're one of the VIP ticket holders, you're going to have a t-shirt that no one else has. >> Yeah, exactly. >> Can you imagine? >> That's crazy. And a unique t-shirt is crazy. >> Yeah. Look, we do have these ones here. There's about five designs. If you want to go to our Thread Head shops, you can see it. But they will not be for the VIP. >> Yeah. And the the podcast itself will also be not just like a podcast like this. Like, we're going to make it it'll be similar, but we'll just make it special and different. So, it's not just going to be a regular podcast. So, we do want to entertain the out of you guys and have a laugh with you guys. So, it's we're going to try and make it as good and interactive as possible and then the piss up after will always be there. Obviously, >> I'm so keen just for the viewing. Can you like imagine a room [snorts] full of all of the people that love the same thing and watching it on a screen that big will be so cool. So, I'm definitely getting a story and put it on my socials [laughter] >> and you can yell out. No one cares. >> Yeah. No, >> no one gives a [ __ ] >> And then we'll be part of the We'll be with you guys. We'll be watching with you guys. Yeah, we'll be [laughter] yelling out. >> Oh, >> this is >> Do you remember? [laughter] >> Do you remember being um waiting to go on for the live shows and the interactive stuff is playing and we're all sitting there going, I wonder if they're going to find this funny and then you just hear that they all lose their >> That's one of the best feelings. >> Yeah. So, we'll still do that. We'll still have like an intro, maybe the prankle, and then we'll come out and have a quick chat and then like a little Q&A at the end. But anyway, more >> I'll sitting next to Kevin. [laughter] I'll sit next to him >> cuz he eats he buys a familysized popcorn and eats one bit at a time chewing with his mouth open. Oh, >> we'll just put him in the we'll put him up the back. >> Yeah, [laughter] put him in a cage. Let's put some steel nuts and bolts in there. [laughter] >> Oh, yeah. Let's put him in the in a cage on the stage. >> Yeah. So, um that's that's our plan. So, let us know in the comments what you think about that, but we will have more details and tickets will be on sale soon. >> Which brings us to our next huge news. Now, give me a second cuz I need to go show you guys. >> Oh, yeah. We've um now years of working and researching have all culminated in this moment. And the other day, we received something that we have genuinely put a lot of time and effort into. So, I'll wait for Michael to come back before I continue speaking. >> Can you go on his chair? He's going to think that's me. >> I'm going to >> It's going to soak in by the time he gets back. >> Do another one. >> Oh, maybe one more. Here he comes. One more. >> Hey, mate. How are you? [laughter] >> We're waiting for you, baby. >> We're waiting for you. >> Have a seat. >> Copyright. COPYRIGHT. [laughter] >> OH, he didn't even notice. >> Welcome to Alaska. [laughter] >> So, look, this it's finally arrived. And you guys might be thinking, why the [ __ ] did that take so long? Well, let me quickly explain. So, we had the instant carver that we found and loved. And then the guy we're working with, he figured out this way to remove some of the taste cuz one the taste is one of the reasons it puts people off. It is very strong, bitter, earthy taste. So he's found a new way to process it. So we're like, "Okay, we'll pump the brakes and wait till that's ready before we launch it." And now we have the packet. This is the packet. We had to change the branding for legal reasons. More more about that later. But here it is. Here is our instant carver in the packet that you'll be getting it. Now, since it's so finely cut, it fills the packet up completely. We almost had to go, we bought all these packets and then we had to buy bigger packets cuz of the new process that they do. It grounds it grinds it up so much that it gets more volume. So, this is somehow 100 g, >> but it's like a whole pack of carver. So you can get more carver out of it if you want or if I'd suggest just putting a little bit extra in the dosages that we've actually sold. >> Yeah. So it says one to two teaspoons and but that was of the old process. The new process you can probably up it to two to four. >> Yeah. And man, >> but just look it's not it's it's not on sale right now. We just wanted to show you guys the packet. It's very it's very close now though. We just got to [ __ ] cross some te's and dot some eyes and [ __ ] [ __ ] and then we're ready to go. >> Yeah. Look, it's so exciting. >> [ __ ] I'm so proud of it. Like that's one that's probably the biggest thing I've ever been proud of, >> man. So from like obviously my son, >> we don't know how like it's been so such a difficult learning curve this cuz like we make videos, we don't know how to run a business. So it's just been um yeah, this is it's basically a university degree >> and we didn't want to just go all right, package it up, make it whatever, get it, bang, sell it. We wanted to make sure it was the best. And we have done all the carvers. I've done all of them. We genuinely have tested all >> and like now we know what's the best >> and look this is >> we're we're proud of it and we can't wait to [ __ ] sell it to you guys. So um yeah the the wait list will be in the description if you want to join the wait list um and you'll be first notified when we go live. >> And look this is just our first product the last we got another one coming that's even stronger. It's a Wacker edition. Wacka is normally you have to brew it. Okay, but we are going to be the first to make it instant. VIP is one of them each 100%. It bends you like it bends you back in time. >> It's not like this one I like cuz it's not like you don't immediately turn into a >> it's just it's subtle and then you put have a bit more. It's like okay then you feel it and then you can push it to whatever level you want. Anyway, enough >> a round of applause for you guys for getting >> Well, it's not there yet. >> Yes. >> Oh, feel that Marty. Yeah. Oh, yeah. >> Oh, that's enough. He's getting a big head. >> All right. Now, um we've locked in Matt's tattoos. >> Yes. >> Oh, wow. >> Tattoos. >> Yeah. Well, you both feet. >> Sorry. >> So, we're getting the check advance. He's getting it done. Probably by the next episode you'll have them. >> Yeah, he will. Next week he gets them done. So, then the following week we we re-record. >> So, that's very exciting. >> Probably next Tuesday or Wednesday. [snorts] Jeez. >> There's a chance he's going to come here, but we'll probably have to go to the coast. >> That's okay. Oh, that's a long way. >> That's right, mate. Yeah. [laughter] [gasps] >> And you won't be able to bloody drive back cuz your feet will be so swollen. >> Oh, I drove back, mate. >> I was just thinking, >> you were going to be You're going to be shocked at how much pain you're going to be in, man. Holy [ __ ] You've never experienced anything like it. >> Long put me off. >> Long bouts of pain. >> What if you can't [screaming] finish it? >> You have to. You don't have a choice. >> Mine was 12 hours long. >> You know what he said to Locky over over text? He said, um, should be able to get it done in one full day unless he taps out. >> Yeah, >> I didn't tap OUT. I DIDN'T TAP OUT MATT. >> They did say that. >> He also took a bunch of drugs. If Matt can do it without drugs, he's better than you. He's one. >> I I did the drugs cuz they were there. Okay. I didn't do them. I would I >> That's not Matt's fault. >> I would have gone without if I hadn't been given a whole pack of endomet. They did say at the end they said that the drugs actually make it worse because when they start wearing off your nervous system's like irritated. >> Take double the drugs. He did. >> You die. I actually threw up at the end cuz I took the whole pack. >> Uh who's doing it? >> Don't know yet. Ly's lock. >> His name's Denal. >> Lucky CB couldn't do it cuz they're going through some [ __ ] >> How about a thumbnail guy? >> Oh yeah. [laughter] >> I'm worried that it's if it's not like it'll be good. Don't worry. >> Oh dude. Have you met Locky? Oh yeah, >> only knows good. >> Logan, poor Matt. >> All right, look, let's have a bong break and let Michael calm down and we'll be right back with a $100 challenge. All right, and we're back. All right, now a crowd favorite segment. We've gathered the boys. They are waiting in the wings and it's time for the $100 challenge. >> Hey guys. Hey everyone. >> There's $10, $20, $30 for $40, $50, $50 more. Then you go back down. >> And that's the jingle for this. Well done, Michael. All right. So, you know how you know how this game goes. We tell them what they need to do and then they bid. It's got to be $100 or less. The lowest bidder wins and has to do that thing for that amount of money that they bidded for. >> Now, I've got an idea because there has been a case now and then of people committing and then uncommitting. >> Kevin. Yeah. >> So, how about this? If you are the lowest bidder and you come to your stunt and you deny it, you pay me the money. >> Oh, that's not bad. >> But Michael has to do the stunt. [laughter] >> So now there is a Look, we didn't say no. >> No, I'm not doing that. But look, now there's consequences for consequences. Okay. All right. So, and boys, you know the rules. Look, these these guys are our editors. They're our workers. I don't come here to do wild [ __ ] So, no pressure. If you don't want to bid, just write NA or just don't write anything. Okay? So, no pressure to do these. Please don't ruin your lives or do anything you deem to be humiliating for this segment. >> What does NA stand for, Matt? >> No answer. >> Not applicable. [laughter] >> No answer. Look, it's not bad. At least he got the letters right. You know, >> give him some credit. All right. Do you want to Who wants to read? You want to read out first? Go on, Brooke. All right. >> Number one, shave one eyebrow. Just one, not two. >> That's rough. >> Kev's reaching for a pen already. >> Deeply [laughter] Cooper's thinking. Like, one eyebrow. >> Make sure you don't peek. Don't try not to cheat. But if some people are very oblivious and just write for the sake of writing, >> it's cuz Kev's like, you know, Coop's got dreamy eyebrows. Look at those things. He would look very weird without one. >> He's done it before. He's done it before. The remember on the bus trip up to the L. He's done it for 20 bucks or some [ __ ] >> I kind of hope Locky wins this. >> Oh, [laughter] >> don't do it, Ryan. You're too cute. >> All right, boys. Do Have we all written down? Oh, let's reveal. Three, two, one, go. >> Kevin's [laughter] done for $30. Kevin's done it for $30. He pass Mickey. You're >> very blonde. >> Do anything else besides my eyebrow and we got to have beef. >> I promise you it's your eyebrow. >> All right, we're going to go this one. Okay. >> Uh-huh. >> All right, let's see what happens here. >> Good luck, Kevin. >> Start. >> Go against the grain. Go from this side up. >> Close your eyes so you don't get any hand. >> I don't trust him. >> Here we go. So cute. Fly away. >> I want to be th >> I forgot how bad Kevin looks when he does this. At least he's got one. So you don't think he's like a freak. You just know his eyebrows missing. >> 20 bucks and I'll do the other one. >> No, I prefer you with just one missing. I think it looks a bit weirder. 10 bucks. Cup of cara. >> All right, that's good. >> All right, cup of cara. I'll do the other one. [laughter] >> No, one's perfect, Kev. You've nailed It's perfect. >> Don't let that hair go in your eye. You're going to [ __ ] go blind. Dirt >> already. >> That's 20 bucks. >> Sit up and look at Josh. >> Wait, that's 35 bucks you got for that one. >> Not that bad. >> All right, 30 bucks you invoices for that one. Okay, we don't have >> next one. [clears throat] You have to have a seizure on our story. So fool will give you some foaming at the mouth and it's going to be like the camera's looking just around the corner. So it's like a hidden camera and watching you have a full-blown seizure for like 10 seconds. >> I will be choreographing this and making sure it looks legit. You have to commit. >> Are we tagged? >> Uh you can choose. You can choose to be tagged or not. >> Yeah. So you will get reached. >> That's a good question. >> How long is it? Just one story. So, 24 hours. >> Like, how long? >> How long is the scene? >> About 10 seconds. >> 10 15 seconds. >> I feel like they're all going to go low on this. I feel like >> I had to do this once at a at an acting gig for like ambulance people when I was younger. Seizing is >> exhausting. Very difficult. Oh, man. >> We did it for a video. One of our first videos we ever filmed. >> All right. Have we all written? Three, two, one, reveal. >> Oh, Locky. [laughter] >> LOY TAKES IT. 50 BUCKS. That might be the lowest bid we've ever had. [laughter] >> Yeah, Kevin's crazy, man. >> Man, even even Christian went low on that one, too. >> Oh, yeah. Holy [ __ ] Close to >> Imagine seeing Christian HAVE A SEIZURE. [laughter] I WOULD LOVE THAT. Oh Jesus. Uh, so you have to tattoo one dot on your face. >> The one dot dot tattoo. You can choose where on your face, >> but on your visible face. It can't be like under here. It's got to be like here. So under an eyebrow. >> And it would be like I'll be like this. I'll be doing it and it will be not like that. You know, I'll stab him. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Of course you can, Cooper. Wonderful. >> Remember, this will be on you for life. Okay. So, well into your 40s and 50s. >> You can get it removed. And also, chicks like face tats. >> Oh, man. I reckon do a teardrop for 20 bucks. [laughter] >> Yeah. All right. Ready? Let's reveal. 3 2 1 go. >> Rellio 100 bucks. Kevin $40 out out 100. Holy Kevin's doing it FOR 40 BUCKS, >> MY MAN. [laughter] >> A pet flea on. >> What did you do, Ryan? Did you do line? >> Yeah. Na. [laughter] >> I don't think he I don't think Ryan liked the idea of you doing it. >> I must say I'd probably purposely slip on you. >> I'm kind of glad Kev got that one. >> All right, come and have a bloody lie down, brother. >> Good boy. >> You can do your dot here, buddy. Good boy. Good boy. >> Getting the ink >> right off the nose. >> Don't touch the plastics or he gets microlastics in his system. >> Deeply embedded into touch. >> Great. Microplastics. >> It's okay. >> Kev, >> how do you [ __ ] it up each time? >> Okay, we ready, Kev? Now >> you point where you want it >> and I push it there. >> There is a hairline about there. [laughter] >> Okay, here we go. It's coming in now. Just stay completely still. >> Oh, it's nerve-wracking. I got to hold my [ __ ] hand still. >> That's it. That's it. >> Looks great. >> Okay, Kevin. >> Oh, dude. It's kind of cool. You look like Marilyn Monrover from Logan. >> It's like a beauty spot. >> Wow. [laughter] All right, sit up. Let's have a look. >> Do you feel it, Kev? >> No, not really. No. Do >> you want me to give it a wipe? >> Where's your spot? >> Face the camera. >> Oh jeez, it's bigger than I thought. Yeah, that's sick, Kev. >> That's 20 bucks. [applause] >> That's a good dot. >> Should we all get dots? Let's share needles. >> All right, the next one in the $100 challenge is >> you have to lick the entire length of the studio floor. So, what we're going to do is we're going to lie you down on a skateboard with your stomach down and you just got to stick your tongue out. It must contact the floor and then we roll you the entire length of the studio and your tongue must keep contact the whole length. >> So it will be from the front door to the garage door. Um, look, you can go lick the whole way and then keep it on your tongue and then wash it off. That's allowed. But if you break contact >> with the with the floor, we start again. Start again. >> And you've got Look, I'll give you three three tries and then if that's a fail, if you can't keep your tongue out on the ground, >> write your answers. H >> I feel like this could be anyone's game for this one. >> All right, looks like everyone's ready. I know Christian's still writing. >> Oh, Christian's [laughter] in. >> He's writing numbers. So exciting. >> $1 million. >> All right, ready. Three, two, one, reveal. >> Oh, wow. 45 50 L it. >> Wow. >> 20 bucks. [laughter] >> I think it's a loss, >> dude. 20 bucks for that is wild. >> Look, there's been a lot of on that literal on that floor. I've pooed kept vacuum this morning, but I've actually my my poo >> my poo has um it's stayed in the cracks, so make sure it's not near the crack. >> No, Luke blew it like blew it all out with a high pressure cleaner. >> Oh wow. >> There's been some the boys know the that's been on the floor there. Lock he doesn't. >> All right, since both the stunts that you have agreed to do now equal up to 35, [snorts] >> keep the change. Wow. >> [ __ ] yeah. >> Hell. >> [ __ ] yeah, bro. >> Your insurance. >> Take a seat. >> Oh man. >> All right. We're going to have to really get down low here. Josh, >> Michael was joking about the change. You want some back? >> Max, are you steering or me? >> I will try my best. >> Ready? >> Action. >> It looks LIKE A SNAIL. >> GO LUCKY. >> WET PATCH. >> COME ON. LOOK AT THAT. THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, DUDE. He's grimacing already. That's not a good sign. >> All right, we're about to go over the patch of cement where Marty [ __ ] into Michael's pants. >> Oh, crack. Oh, >> a >> He's going all right, eh? >> There is a wet line. You can see where he's been. >> You're a snail. You're a snail. >> Very hydrated. Is this speed sufficient enough for you? >> Surely he's getting dry by now. [laughter] >> He's flying in a really low line. [laughter] >> Lock is doing very well. He's literally staying in the exact position. He only HAS ABOUT 6 M. COME ON. 5 M LEFT. GO LOCKY. >> 2 M LEFT. [screaming] >> [ __ ] [ __ ] >> WONDERFUL SUCCESS. LACHLAN. >> [applause] >> That's the real man. No, >> it's pretty good. Darker than >> Well, that tastes like you want to go wash your mouth. >> Yeah, [laughter] maybe. >> All right, last one. Michael. >> All right, the final one. Now, this is eat a chili now. Or read the end bit. Or 10 if your name is Kevin. Cuz Kevin's [laughter] Kevin's really good with chili. So 10 if your name is Kevin. >> That's a good question. What kind of chili? Just like a the long like ones from Coohl's. >> No, no, no. We've got some up in the garden. So, right. Yeah. But same kind. >> Big long. >> And it's very painful eating a chili. >> Really? >> Have you guys chili? >> And it's painful twice in some cases. >> Sucks at night, worse in the morning. >> Oh, it is for me. I got to grip the wall. [laughter] >> That's why I don't eat chili. Fire bum. >> [laughter] >> 10 chilies. >> And we might choose a couple. Luke's got ghost peppers up there. We might choose a couple. Chuck them in. [laughter] >> We just know it's going to be Kev. >> All right, reveal in 3 2 1 go. 50 70. >> Oh, wait. >> We have a tie. >> Oh, w >> we got two 20s. Well, should we give it to Should we give it to Coupe since Kev's already got two? >> Or they can bid again? >> Or they can both do it. >> Or they can beat again. But like, do they really want to go lower than 20? Like, [ __ ] >> Yeah. No, [laughter] >> I was just eating spicy. >> Should we just scissors, paper, rock? [laughter] >> That was gross. I was just eating spicy ramen. [laughter] >> Like, it's really cool. So proud of it. [laughter] >> Scissors, paper, rock. >> Scissors, paper, rock. All right, Coop. For $20, one che. Look, that is doable. >> It will hurt, but it's doable. >> Now, this you owe us $30, Coupe. >> Jesus Christ. [laughter] >> Oh my god. [laughter] you. >> Oh, it's an expensive light. At least you caught the really expensive light. >> All right, Cooper's going to eat a [laughter] >> That's all I know. Something happened. >> Michael trip. >> Yeah. Put it all in. Ch and swallow it. >> You don't have to. >> You do it as you please. >> You just consume it. You don't have to chew it that much. >> This is >> Oh, no. I don't think you realize [laughter] >> he's gone a little bit pink. >> Dude, that's it's been forced. >> Quick, you got to get it down, Coop. Otherwise, in your mouth too long, >> you'll probably start in your mouth. It will >> The more you let it marinate in your mouth for, the more it will singe. You know, >> marinate in your mouth. >> Yeah. It's like having a um something hot on your skin. The longer it's on there for, more it burns. Oh, >> but if you just rub it like that, it's >> going down. Yeah, it's a bit hot. >> Oh. >> Oh, yeah. I can smell it, man. >> They make pepper spray. >> How bad's 10? >> Um, you smell nothing. >> Yeah, it's starting to pick up now. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, no. >> So delayed. >> We've got milk if you need. >> Maybe like a six. >> Wa. Okay, >> dude. I feel like maybe I feel like that would really hurt me. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You Yeah. You hate chili. >> You've gotten taller. new shoes. >> Well, there you go. >> Well done, Coupe. >> Wow. Coup's brave, [applause] man. >> All right, so to to summarize, Kevin's going to shave an eyebrow for 30 bucks. Locky's going to have a seizure on a story for 15. Kev's going to get a one dot face tattoo for 40 bucks. Locky's going to lick the length of the Studio 4 for 20. And Coop's going to eat a chili for 20 bucks. >> Man, you guys got out of that cheap chip. I like Oh, thank you very much, boys. >> Next time you guys should all just go and go, "No one vote below 95." [laughter] >> Oh, yeah. >> You guys need a team. >> 95, 96, 97, 98, [laughter] 99. >> All right, let us know in the comments what challenges we should give to the boys next time we do this, please. >> Someone thought of a banger just before. We should write that down. >> We have arrived at a new segment that has been voted by the people for the people are the people. >> Are you ready? >> All right. Hit it Brown and then James to take it away. [clears throat] >> Haven't heard I haven't heard it either. >> That's Matt playing. >> This is James Reed's Reddit. He said it. You bet it. He read it. Only James can read it. So you better not regret it. Only James, you can credit it. So James, go get it. This is James Reed's Reddit. Reddit Reddit. This is James Reed's Reddit. Reddit. [cheering] >> Oh my god. >> So you Don't regret it, James. >> Oh my god, man. >> So, James, go get it. Get it. Read Reddit. >> And we didn't fade it out yet, >> but we [ __ ] alone. That's wild. >> That was touch long, >> man. If Michael was a [laughter] >> If Michael was a DJ, he'd be known as the jingle tingle. He'd be just up there doing [ __ ] like that. DJ Jingle Tingle. >> Oh [laughter] man. >> All right. Well, welcome. This is James Reed's Reddit. >> Week one. Now, um, so basically I just troll Reddit and find the most up weird stuff that I can find. And this week I had a bit of a theme because back in the day I went to school with a like I went to school I I worked with a teacher who used to be a nurse. And one night we had like a Christmas party and I just sat down for literally like two hours and picked her brain and oh my lord some of the she had these this couple come in, right? And this is what reminded me of it. Both meth addicts >> and they'd been having sex for about 13 hours straight >> and they had such severe damage to their penis. Yeah. Penis and vagina that her penis needed like [laughter] >> her vagina needed like stuff and he had his dick removed. He had like it WAS LIKE REMOVED. >> YEAH. >> IT WAS BLACK. It was dead. They until his died. >> Whoa. >> Yeah. So like there was more. But anyway, so I thought I'm going to look at Reddit and I'm going to find the some crazy nurse stories. I don't know if you can beat that one, but these are pretty cool. >> That was Man, you heard that live, too. >> Yeah, man. >> Hectic. Hectic job. >> Yeah, >> all [clears throat] right. So, I'll tell this one first. So, this one this one was good because it kind of reminded me of our of our coffee bean incident. So, this this lady, she was a nurse, right? And came and this lady came in pretty young. I think she was like in her 40s and she had like this massive distended stomach, like really really full stomach and she was in like horrific pain. So, they did like some scans and worked out that she's had like a huge buildup of feces. >> Yeah. So what they normally do in that situation, similar to what they do with you, is they pump a bunch of liquid up there. So they started like pumping a liter of enema up her, which didn't work. Just put her in like a huge amount of extra pain. >> Why do they do that? They did that to you and it didn't work either. >> Just zap it out of you with like an extraction gun. >> Yeah. Right. >> Yabby pump it out. >> Oh. And then so they were like, "If that doesn't work, we're going to do a they ordered a soap and water enema cuz supposedly that can loosen the stool." that didn't work either. So, she had 2 lers of extra liquid in her stomach. By this point, she was like screaming and freaking out. Um, and nothing was working. So, they had to they had to take this patient into something called the isolation room. That's where they put someone who's like, you know, super contagious or has some sort of intense issue. They put her in there purely because they were expecting the smell to be intense because she had this stomach growing for over a week and the scan showed that she had like weak old diarrhea in her stomach all banked up. So they had to put two layers of gloves on, manually go in through her [ __ ] and start to unlodge some of the feces. and she said a torrent of weak old diarrhea came out and it was ungodly. It was a wave and wave wave after wave after wave of liquid coming out that smelt like rancid death. The smell was so bad that there were secretary officers on the above floor and below floor that were complaining and two of the nurse staff went home. >> Wow. >> Holy. Love to get that in a jar. >> Yeah. And the nurse said that she literally had to shower like five times that day just to try and get the smell out of her hands. Double gloves, but still had like a smell on her hands and in her clothes and [ __ ] >> Wow, that's beautiful. >> Imagine why didn't they do that first after the first enema? >> Probably cuz they didn't want to touch it. >> Well, they did that first to me. I worked out in the morning, early morning when I was in your shower, actually partly. Um, and then I I figured out I could jam my finger in there and get sort of funnel one bean out of at the time by fingering myself. >> Just do that. You waste all of that. >> Would have been taken many thousands. I had my friend. >> Yeah. Whatever. >> And then the first day they ended up trying to double finger me and he tried to dislodge him. Did nothing. >> Did he get two fingers in? >> Yeah. Yeah. It was like four pumps in. It was crazy. >> I was shivering after. >> Yeah. I remember you doing it for a while >> with your finger up there just picking out bean at a time. >> Yeah. Yeah, you had to sort of use your nail to jam it into the side. But it was scary cuz you don't want to scratch your colon with your nail, you know? Is not a good idea. >> Remember those sounds Michael was making. I've never forgotten that. >> Just every now and then GROANING [screaming] >> that like long like uncontrollable. Oh, was rough. It was a crazy week everybody. >> So funny. >> I said I had another one of a nurse, but I don't. It's a different story. So, do you want that or do you want me to save it for the future? >> No, let's hear another one. >> All right. [snorts] This one isn't nurse related. The the first one was >> This one is about a mother, right? >> Man, kids are disgusting. >> So, as we know, when when women get pregnant, they get morning sickness, right? This lady was saying that she was throwing up about 8 to 10 times a day, literally always nauseous and really struggling because her 18-month-old son was like super active. She also had dogs in the family, right? And one day she came home and her Labrador had just done all over the house. So she just instantly started throwing up. And like I think any smell, I don't know if you'd experienced this, like any smell can like bring on intense morning sickness for a pregnant woman. [laughter] >> And then she heard this voice behind her, which was her little son, and he just said the word chocolate. Oh no. >> So she turned to face her son and thought, "Where on earth did he find a brownie or a chocolate bar?" Clearly just hoping that it wasn't what she initially thought. She brought her son over and sniffed the chocolate that covered his entire mouth. >> Oh. >> Turns out that he'd found a a log of the Labrador's. >> Oh my god. >> And just started digging into it and ate the entire thing. And supposedly she projectile vomited all over his stomach and his arms because he'd literally tried to eat the dog. So now he was just crying. She was uncontrollably vomiting and she just had to rinse out his mouth with soap until it was completely clean. And after that he just said that chocolate bad, mommy. [laughter] >> Dude, this sounds like stories of Michael's nights out. >> Both stories are connected to me. I literally dog is rough. Like especially fresh out of the ass. It's like >> warm. It's like ice cream but it's hot. >> It's different. Eh, it's different to human. >> And then it's Oh, man. It's the worst part is when you burp and then you just smell >> from, you know, the insides coming up for like hours. >> If you had to put a taste to it. >> Oh, >> like you said ice cream, but obviously sugar. >> No, the consistency. It's like ice cream. >> What about taste? It tastes like >> No, but like what what like what's it? Is it bitter? Is it salty? Is it sweet? Like >> um >> could it go good with a bit of pate a >> I can't I sort of tried to you know that thing where you don't try and you sort of stop your sinuses from locking [snorts] in. So I just sort of swallowed. So and then after the taste came and it was just I had all through my breath and that was the worst part. I just couldn't get comfortable cuz I was breathing. Oh, >> we were desperate. Desperate times. [laughter] >> Yeah, the smell is so different. Like if you're if you're a website member, you're going to see the next om lecture number three. >> And yeah, can we give it away what Kevin did? >> What did he do? >> Oh yeah. Yeah, that's right. He smeared some um dog [ __ ] through his hair. >> Yeah. >> My goodness, the smell. >> Oh, different to human. >> It was all gagging [snorts] and stuff. E, >> it's very cool though. Very cool. [laughter] Oh, that was lovely, man. I loved that. That was such a nice, isn't it? It's like story time. >> I've already found some bangers for next week or next time we do it, too. Some Oh, man. There's some funny on there. >> Well, there you go, guys. That is uh James Reed's Reddits. [clears throat] All right, let's rip into a fat bong car sludge thing. Like rip a bong through carver water, then skull the car water after. >> Whoa, that's gnarly. >> Yeah. And then it's time for fussy LITTLE BOYS. >> OH. [laughter] YOU BOYS ARE HUNGRY. >> It's poisonous. >> This is James. >> You better not forget it. >> Reddit. [cheering] This is James Reddit. Hello everyone. It's fuzzy little boys here at Matt Brown. [laughter] >> Michael thought he had a holiday. >> Fussy little boy. Fussy little FUSSY BOYS. >> [laughter] >> DO YOU HAVE A friend who doesn't eat much and won't have leftovers or thinks that fish is weird? Well, we get to make their lives hell because Michael and Matt are those people. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good idea, Matt. We'll swap. >> Oh, thank you, James. I'm so excited. >> Yeah. Look, Marty and I are just out there to look after our mates. You know, we really want them to open their open their culinary eyes. Matt always talks about Michael not being cultured, so we're trying to give them both culture in food. >> Excellent. >> We're helping you. >> Yeah. >> So, this one sounds quite dangerous if it frozen. >> The last time that we got this, it ruined the couch because it had we' had it for too long and it spilled here and dripped onto this couch and my lord. But our good mate Ollie from England, he organized a freezer box. He posted it to Australia. So it was and I've kept this in the freezer until yesterday. >> How do you post a freezer box? >> He just put a bunch of ice bricks in it and it came. >> How does it last? >> It doesn't It doesn't sound trustworthy. >> He spent a lot of money. >> A lot of money. >> Was it ice frozen when it came? >> Yes. Cold. >> Cold. >> Very cold. Yeah. So you get like a little styrofoam box and you fill it with ice and that makes the ice last for ages. >> Really? >> Mhm. >> It could be off. >> This is scary though. I've taken it outside and I've had a whiff and it smells. You'll I'll I'll give you a sniff, too. And the difference between this one and that one. So, this is >> this is >> jellied eels. Take two. [laughter] >> So, look. Look. Remember last time it literally like sprayed liquid everywhere. Look at this. >> Oh, yeah. Look at that. Fully gelatinous. >> I think that's how it's supposed to be. >> And it is jelly. So, it's it is jelly. >> Have a sniff. I >> It doesn't smell yum, but it's not rotten. Glad nose is a bit. >> All right, let's get this done. I can't believe this. >> Oh, actually, Kev, could you please run downstairs and get us two paper bowls, please? >> Are you meant to cook it? >> No, >> it's jellied eel. [laughter] It's jellied eels. >> Is it raw? >> It's so loud. >> It's raw. Hey. >> No, it's cooked and then soaked in gelatin. >> Oh man, this is terrifying. This one's a scary one, man. This one's scary. [snorts] >> I'm going to have to go somewhere vacant. >> Pass Nania. >> Ask Alaska. >> Go into the swamp where the eels live. [laughter] >> Jelly. >> And I also wanted to say, who is this? to our dear friend Michael C who sent us this package ages ago. I've looked into these two and they're both like absolutely 100 fine to have. So, we'll do this next time. >> Cool. >> What? >> That's cool. >> He sent us two different things for you guys to try, but it's a dried food, so it's >> less food poisoning. >> Sounds a lot better. >> All right. How exciting this is. >> Well, thank you, Kevin. >> All right, let's dish up jelly beles. Remember airplane jelly? Remember a airplane jelly? They they they didn't do an eel flavor. >> I like a plane jelly. >> A plane jelly for me. I like it for dinner. I like it for tea. >> Oh, look at Watch James serve it up. Look at that. Oh, looks like an eye. >> Why are you freaking out, James? Is it that bad? >> Well, it's just cuz it's jellied eel. Looks like dog food, bro. >> Excellent. This is excellent day. Excellent day. >> Whoa. Okay. >> One. >> Aeroplane jelly for me. >> Oh no. You don't look sure. >> It's just weird, man. >> It's a weird smell, eh? >> It's very weird one. [laughter] >> Oh, it's mush. >> So, you sure we're not going to die here? Well, no one can ever be 100% sure. [laughter] >> Wow. How are you guys sniffing that man? >> I'm nervous, >> dude. It's so weird how you can see >> it's poo. [laughter] >> That's poo. >> That's what dog [ __ ] smelt like. >> If you look closely, you can literally see the one bone that runs down the middle of the eel. >> Spine of it. >> See, that's the one bone that runs down the middle of the eel. >> Wants to get this on board. [laughter] Sounds like my >> He wants us to stop [laughter] talking about it. Am I So I I can't die. >> Is it cold? >> Hey. >> Yeah, it's very cold. [laughter] >> That's nice. >> Oh, it smells like poo. I don't know if it's the fart or this. >> Just don't have too much just in case it can give you horrific food poisoning. >> Really? [laughter] >> It just smells like seafood to me. Oh man, that is >> Dude, it's pink on the inside. >> Just like a >> It's hard to get. >> It just smells like seafood to me, though. >> All right. >> I like [laughter] airplane jelly. >> Jelly. [singing] >> You guys should cheers. >> You guys should cheers your eel. >> Look how happy they are now. They're singing. [laughter] The singing's getting >> How much are you going to eat this? >> Oh, see you haven't got any skin on your win this round. >> I've got a big chunk of skin on mine. He does not. >> Yeah, get some skin, Brooke. >> You got to have the skin with it. >> Shouldn't have said anything and just got some meat. >> If they were both on death row together, they'd both just be singing all the time. [laughter] >> Skipping down to the electrocution [laughter] chair. >> Sit on it together. Yeah, [laughter] we would. This is hard. >> Oh, gray. Three, two, >> I got to sniff it. >> It's brain matter. It's actually brain matter. [laughter] >> Here we go. Jelly. >> It's brain matter. It's not really eel. >> Oh, look at Michael showing his teeth. [laughter] >> That's what he does when he's in a fight. >> It's not good. [laughter] What's What's it like? >> It's just so cold. It's ice cream. >> Oh, Brook's getting it done. >> What's What's the taste? >> Is it Michael? Is it seafood? >> Is it seafoody? >> Is it like an oyster? A warm oyster? >> He's done it. He's got it down. Wow. Are you okay? >> You shouldn't have done that. Michael, don't do it. Don't do it. Oh my god. This might be the first time ever Michael's had a spew. >> Don't do it. Don't do it. Michael, it's not worth it. No way. Ollie, watch. Michael, you're about to to pull off what no one else has. >> The jellied eel. >> He's got >> grabbed out of the swamp. [laughter] >> Grabbed out of the swamp by a fat fisherman. >> Thrown into a BUCKET OF SLOP. [laughter] >> [screaming] >> BIT OF JELLY CRYSTALS IN WITH it and off to the outhouse. >> Oh, I can't DO THAT, DUDE. >> WOW. >> It was the texture and the smell and all of the white. >> You guys are so fussy. >> Oh, have a bite. [laughter] >> Come on, Matt. You got to have a crack. >> Yeah. Come on. Who doesn't like jellied ear? >> I put it in and I gagged and spat it out. >> I had it down my throat. I'm better than you. [laughter] >> Yeah, right. Wow. Okay, look. Well, good effort, boys. I didn't want to taste that one this week cuz that is particularly >> Yeah. >> It's like snail oyster. >> Wow. Matt's going in again. >> Raw just food. >> Oh, okay. Once you get past the opening, all right. >> Is it Is there a vinegar hint? >> Yeah, like tuna or something. [laughter] >> Vinegar tuna. >> Doesn't sound too bad. >> My co saw on my lip right now is burning. >> Really? That'll be the vinegar. >> It's probably the bacteria on the eel. >> I took a bite and swallowed it. >> Matt did it, too. >> What's on your lip? >> It's eel. [laughter] >> Some eel top lip. You got some eel. >> Listen, you got it. >> All right, let's >> Wow, that was hectic. >> Yeah. Score out of 10. That's one of the worst ones we ever had. >> I think really worse than tripe, >> I think. >> Yeah. Like I don't I think once you get the skin off >> worse than tripe Michael the one that tastes like cow >> tasted like poo. Yeah. >> Once you get the skin off it's fine. >> Really? >> Wow. Matt likes it. >> Whoa. And people do eat this. >> Look. Matt is the better man. >> There you go. Kev for your YouTube channel. >> Man, that is horrific. >> Come on, brother. >> Have a smell of it, but don't don't judge it before you've tried it. >> All right. Well done, boys. Once you get the jelly horrific and that that white bit there. >> Yeah, >> it's like really off tuna. >> And I know I'm the only one actually Marty too from Marty and me Ollie. Thank you, dude. Cuz I tried to give him some money for postage. He was like, "Nah, no. I'm doing this. I'm doing it like that." [laughter] >> Kevin's gagging. >> Kept smelling the jelly deals and he's going to yak up some. Now imagine if that's the thing that killed us. >> Yeah. one. I think one if you get the skins off and just get that white that white. >> Can you actually show the camera your plate cuz that is mortifying. >> Anyway, that's fussy little boys. If you have smoke, deers, DM James. >> Yes. And thank you. I can't remember who it was. Actually, I'll look it up cuz my lord, it was one of the best ideas I've ever read. [sighs] >> Matt Matt Traml, man. He sent me an Look, Marty, look at the message. Don't show Michael. >> I was like, that is so genius. >> Oh, wow. >> Yeah. >> So, thank you, Matt. I am looking into it and I will do my best to find that. >> And everyone I know everyone has been blowing up my DMs trying to get me to do Geod Duck. And as soon as I can get my hands on a Geod Duck, it will be done. [laughter] >> Oh, >> I don't know what that is, but it's Look it up. >> Michael's sick. That's yucky. >> You got eel all over you. I really just want to peg it at him, eh? >> No, come on. You wait till I'm sitting here to do that behind him, too. >> Well, I'm not worried about that. I'm just It's just going to ruin everything >> the day. >> Anyway, look, let's move along this podcast. We got to We got to keep going. All right. >> Next up, as you know, Matt is very slow. So, we've helped him out and we've organized a tutor for him to help him. I will be Matt because I am better at being you than you are. We all know that. and Matt will be taking notes and we're going to help him get up to speed. So, here we go with this week's prank call. I think it's like a half an hour lesson. So, um obviously we don't want to have a half hour conversation, so we'll just cut the best bits and I'll probably end it short. All right, [snorts] here we go. >> Uh hello. >> Hello. >> Is that Matt? >> Yeah, my name's Matt. >> Yeah, how you going? um told me that you need some help. How are you? >> Yeah. Yeah, he's kind he's told me a bit about it. Um and yeah, I think I need help. >> Yeah, sure. Sure. So, you work with uh do you work with Matt? Sorry, with John. >> Yeah, I work with John and they gave me a job and it's hard. >> Yes. So, what kind of work did you do, John? >> So, they get me to get pictures uh for the shows they do and I have to speak to people and sometimes people like say ask me questions and and the questions are they're hard questions. >> Okay. All right. So, what do you do exactly? Like a customer service on the phone or face to face or what do you do exactly? I do lots I do lots of things. Um but yeah, the problems I have most is >> Yeah. >> talking to people when they ask things. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I just want to get ID. What kind of industry do you work in? Is it a marketing? Is it warehouse? What is it exactly you work in? >> They do. So they do make social media. They do that and make videos. >> Oh, social media. Oh, content. It's like a marketing. >> They do. They do that. They do that. >> Okay. So, what's your role exactly? Like a customer. >> I do I do little jobs. I do things they need for the videos. I talk to people when I need to get like they want me to get a fridge. And I called the fridge place and they said, "Well, what what how big is it?" And I How do you how do you meant to know that? >> All around like Yeah, I do all around. I do all around always. >> Okay. All right. And what do you finish? What you did you finish up until like year six or >> I do I do year eight, year nine? I do year I do year 10 and then I I had to leave it cuz I got a job and started working in Hungry Jacks. >> Oh, I see you work in Hungry Jacks. What's your branch? >> Yeah, there's one in near the hospital. >> The Yeah. And I do in there. I did there. Uh then they moved me to Hungry Jacks. Uh further up and I do there for two two years. I do it. >> Oh, like customer service and stuff like that. >> No, I do burgers and that but they Yeah. So I did. Okay. Okay. So I do year 10 and I did that and then I learned on the job and >> John gave me a job. He gave me a job and said giving you a chance. I'm giving you a chance >> and I >> He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He likes to help you. >> Yeah, he's really helpful. He >> He's paid you for this, hasn't he? >> Sorry. >> Has he paid you for this? >> Yeah, he did. He did. He did. And actually it was supposed to be last week uh on Monday and I waited for you >> because he was nice. I was nice back to him. So I said to him, listen, normally I don't schedule um my sessions. H So I I told him I'm happy to schedule this week just once off. >> Yeah. I couldn't talk good. I put the soup in for five minutes too long and it's so hot and I drank I went to drink it and it's so hot. >> I burnt my tongue. I burn my tongue and it's so But did he say I have to pay for this or he does that? >> Uh for today? >> Yeah. >> No, for today he has already paid for it for today. But uh for the future it's up to you or him. That's between you and him. You can discuss it. But for today has been already paid. No problem. >> Does he say to you that I have to pay him back? >> No. No, he didn't. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't mention anything. >> Because if he said that, >> I can't I can't do that. >> No. No. He didn't say that. He was okay with that. >> I can't I have to be careful with my money. >> Yes. Yes. 100%. 100%. So, you've done two years of c uh making burgers at Hangry Jacks in Campbell Town. And then John offered you, sorry, John offered you a job with him in the company. For how long? How long you been working for now? >> I do I do maybe three months, maybe three months. And I do good. I do very good. They're happy. Everyone's happy. But just sometimes when idiots ask me, "Oh, how long is it?" Dumb. I I don't like how what are you meant to say? How do you know that? So, John just said he helped me talk to you and get smart, do smart, and do >> and do. >> Yeah. No, I'm happy to help you because I've been uh doing this for a long time ting. So, I'm happy to help you with basic math, basic stuff. [laughter] That's great news. That's great news. >> Oh, so I'm so happy if you can do Matt that put that in my head like I'll be so good at that job. >> Of course. Of course. We're trying to help you so you can succeed uh in your role. >> Yes. Yes. Why not? >> Yes. You're going to do better. >> Succeed. I haven't done that. Yeah, but obviously you've been working for 3 months, John. >> Yeah, he don't say he don't tell me to suck any seeds. >> Well, I mean succeed means like you know be success. >> Success. >> Yeah. Yeah. So like they do better. >> Who is success? >> Yeah. Yeah. Like you know you can do better with what you're doing now. >> Success better. >> Yeah. Listen John, can you listen to me? How how is your literacy skills and numeracy skills? Are you good with numbers? >> I do book, I do book, I can do reading on I do I read on Instagram when it says at the bottom of the picture what it is. I do that. >> So I can I can do that and I can suck sess if you need if you think that will help. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh so listen what you what we should be doing uh is obviously uh work on conversation when you talk to people like he said to me they sent you to get the fridge right >> yeah the fridge is a real hurdle >> and you didn't know what size so you could have just rang your boss who do you report to >> yeah but the I I said that I said I called John and and John says like do that I should do no like the height and that but the guy kept saying he do you millimeter do you cime and I he's too much I I [ __ ] that [ __ ] >> yeah but what you should have done Joel is before you went to get the fridge take the measurements to get a measuring tape >> yeah okay hang on let me write that down >> measure >> that's why yeah like you know like you need to find out where where you going to put the fridge in the office first of all and take measurements of the height and width and depth. >> Measure, >> man. >> Yeah. Yeah. And just when you go to the the department store to get the fridge, you tell them that's how big the fridge is. >> Okay. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. So, I get measure and I do measuring tape. You use a measuring tape. >> Okay. So, what about the numbers on it? >> Yeah. Obviously, you need to learn how to read it. >> Okay. >> Uh but it's it's easy. It's not it's not that bad. It's not that hard. If you just open the measuring tape and [laughter] >> Yeah. And you see how wide is it? The the the distance. You can read the number on the tape and then you can write it down. And this way you know how big the fridge is. >> Yeah. See this kind this stuff this stuff is like what I'm talking about. That's gold. >> Yeah. Where is the office at? Where is your office? In Campbell Town or where >> it's in up near Dhakaban. Do you know Dhakaban? >> Like off away from Campbell Town or >> Yeah. >> How far from Campbell Town? >> Um like in meters? >> No. How far? Like distance? Yeah. From Campbell Town by car. >> Do you drive? Do you drive, John? >> Yeah, I drive. I See, that's what I mean. Like, how do I find that out? What meters it is? >> Yeah. Not meters. Like, when you drive to your office from Campbell Town, how long does it take you? >> Oh. Oh, that's different every time. But sometimes >> the clock changes a bit. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Okay. So the fridge as I said uh you can even take a photo. So even if you don't have to take measurement you can take a photo for the spacing you know the space where the fridge you will be going into in the office and even you can show it to the guy the salesman in the department store where you going to get the fridge from and then they can might be able to figure out how deep or how big the the fridge should be. Make sense? Yeah. >> Yeah. And where about you live? Which area? Around the office or >> Yeah, I live kind of near the office. Uh I just had to move back in with mom for now. Just I'm going to save up some money and try and live with your mom. >> Yeah. >> How old are you? How old are you? Can I ask? >> Yeah, I'm 41 now. >> Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, and you just leave you and your mom. That's it. Do you have any other siblings or any family members? I can >> Yeah, I've got two older sisters. Um, and they've gone out on their own. Um, so it's just me and mom and I did live alone, but um, >> it's just so hard. >> Okay. All right. >> Living is so expensive the living costs. >> Yes. >> At the moment, it's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. Agree with you. >> Albanese Albanese is not doing too good anymore. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Agree. Yeah. The cost of living has been really rising. Uh >> yeah. Soup is like $10. It's crazy now. It used to be like $5. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just you and your mom live together. H Which area? Which suburb? >> Just near Campbell Town. >> Near Campbell Town. not far from the office. Good school. And you work full time, John. Do you work full time? >> Yeah, I go in on Monday and I come out come out of it maybe in the afternoon and then I do that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursdays is my day. John gave me my day to do what I need to do and Friday I go to uh the office. >> Oh, okay. So, you have flexibility in the office. Do you have a bit of flexibility? >> I uh It's kind of not really anymore. I do used to do stretching back when I played soccer, but my flex I'm not flexible really anymore. But I do do stretching when I'm tight. >> But what's your what's your working hours? You work every day, Monday to Friday from >> Yes, I come in I come in 9. come in 9 and then I leave at around 5:30 or so, but >> it just depends how many jobs and stuff I have. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You seem to you seem to be like a nice guy and enjoying what you're doing. [laughter] Yeah. No, no. So, you have the potential. My idea is you have the potential uh to do better at work. Um Yeah. But just obviously you need to ask questions if you're not sure of something. You should be asking. >> Yeah, John says John I call John a lot but he he says like he's busy and >> sometimes so he can't help every time. >> But yeah, so I think I think what can I do >> to just make me not have to ask things? >> Okay. Uh well, it depends. Like some things you can figure it out yourself and other things you have to ask. So it depends on the situation. You know [laughter] what I mean? >> It's so you get my >> Yeah. It's sounds so so simple. It's so good. Like I'm just writing more notes. Hang on. >> Yeah. So obviously if it's something that you figured out yourself, it's better to do it and this way you don't have to bother John and keep him from work. Uh but obviously if it's something technical if it's something technical about work then you probably have to ask him and there's nothing wrong with that. >> So can I if I have like questions can I like call you >> but I do this every week. We can have a session a weekly session if you want. What if like I call you just when I need it and every time we see how long I do talk to for and do put all of that together using maths and then I pay you every 30 minutes of questions. >> Yeah, but it has to be uh in advance because I have to actually work out of my schedule. How about we have maybe like half an hour every week and you gather all the questions and then you can ring me for half an hour. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Like you put all the questions together because if you're going to ring me any time, it's going to be hard for me to manage [laughter] >> what I'm saying. So yeah, like if if if Monday suits you around this time, are you at work now? >> Yeah, I'm just on my lunch break. Okay. So, you normally have your lunch around 1:00. >> Yeah, usually 12:30. Sometimes I'm busy and I don't do do a lunch due. I do a little later do today to one to two. Do >> Yeah. So, again, it's up to you. Like I said, half an hour, maybe 1:00, 4:30. I'm a bit flexible with the timing around this time. Mondays. >> Can I Sometimes I don't have that many questions. So, can I just text you sometimes like maybe a few days before and just say if I need to call for questions? >> Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. As long as you give me enough notice beforehand, that's fine. >> And I just have to check with John, too, that >> he's okay to keep paying you. >> Yeah, you have to check with that's between you and John. I don't want to interfere. That's between you. >> Can you just tell him that I can't pay? If he asks, just say, "Oh, look, I don't think that Matt can pay." >> Uh, I think I'm not in a position to say that. I think [laughter] if you talk to him, anyway, you guys figured it out. You and Joe and Matthew together. >> Is sock says sex? >> Oh, sorry. Remember you said to suck like seeds and sess. What does that is that like a sex dude? >> No no no it's not. It's not. I mean you talk about you know getting serious here and do your job properly and trying to help you >> then you can suck. No, no, no. To be getting better, as I said, to actually get better at work and um yeah, just continue working. That's the most important thing. >> Okay, >> make sense. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's plenty of things to think about so far. Um Okay. Well, I'll I'll write down my questions and then um I'll tell you soon if we need to do another day >> in advance. Yeah. Yeah. in advance, please. >> And I'll tell John that that we said that he has to pay and then I'll do maybe in two weeks I'll I'll text you. >> Yeah. Yeah. No problem. Does that suit you this time? Monday midday like Monday around 1:00. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No problem. Happy to help. Happy to help you. Uh Mr. John and pleasure talking to you. But I wish you all the best of luck and yeah. >> Okay. I'm I'm Matt. >> Matt. Sorry. I got confused. Sorry. [laughter] >> I'm mad. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, pleasure talking to you, Matt. And um yeah, just all the best with everything and hopefully we can help you. >> Okay, Adam. Well, thank you for calling. I'll tell John you do it and I love you. >> Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. That's the most of you. Thank you. Good man. >> Goodbye, Adam. I'll speak to you soon. I'll let you do do how I do. >> Thank you. Cheers, man. All the best. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. >> Whoa. >> Holy [ __ ] >> Dude, you're a good like special person. >> Did you learn a lot? [laughter] Man, that guy's patient. >> Hey, is success? He's so cute, man. That's the I wish that guy was real live. >> He's so cute. [laughter] >> Just bursts out [clears throat] in a laughter and the guy's laughing a lot. >> We should book him in every two weeks and just ask him questions. >> Yeah, I think I'll just start texting him now. Just texting him in questions. And then I'll said he was okay with that. >> No, he didn't. But I'm just going to text him as John and just go um if he's got any like I I'll start texting him from your phone as Matt and then we'll um I'll text as John and go, "Hey mate, I'll flick you another 10 bucks." >> It be fun to call him now as John and be like, "How do you think like [laughter] do you think that you can help him?" >> Literally like we could Okay, two two weeks time or obviously maybe like not next podcast. Oh, maybe we could do it every podcast. We have three questions that we we spin at him. >> Yeah. >> So then we I've got three questions I ask you. Can we book a half hour? >> Why don't we let the audience come up with a question? >> And it's got to be like d like dilemas in >> No, don't tell them, Michael. Let them come up with it themselves. >> Stop directing. >> Sorry. >> All right, guys. Have a bong bake. Have a car. We'll be back for Tinder Adventures soon. >> Oh, >> that's how they do it on the radio, mate. I don't know about the breathing. >> Yeah, I don't know about any of that. >> [music] >> done. [laughter] >> Wow, that was Now I did do a segue of to a car break. All right, we're back from the bomb break. >> Leave that in. Josh Michael explaining that >> I learned I learned that success is not sex. will suck [laughter] the sess. We're all learning. All right, look. It's time. It's time for some Tinder adventures. >> Let's do the the cake and one PO box and then Tinders and then we're done. >> All right, look. Jackass, as you know, has been out in the cinema as well. Now, it is available for rent and to purchase on the streaming platforms, and they have sent us a lovely smash cake to celebrate and some shirts. >> Wow. Wow. >> So, thank you again, Paramount. Look at this. Look at this. Boom, baby. >> Oh, they're cool. [ __ ] boom, baby. >> Is it funky? >> They really went all out. >> They did. They're very, very nice to us this year. We're basically in the movie. >> Ours must have got bloody lost in the mail, mate. There's yours. [laughter] >> I I don't want it. >> I got too many already. >> This is a memory. >> All right, let's smash the dick. Smash the dick. >> Yeah, SMASH THE DICK. OH MY GOD. OH YEAH. >> All right. Come on over, boys. Let's Let the feast begin. >> Imagine if it was a prank and it was just an eel cake. >> All right, Matt. And what's this [ __ ] going on about some [ __ ] the PO box? You [ __ ] >> Um, if you want to send anything to our PO box, you can send it to P Box 256 Tagum 48 in Queensland, Australia. Uh, Josh will put up something now. Matt loves that. Thinks it's the best thing ever. >> Dude, this is for you. And if it's what I think it is, >> it could be pretty cool. >> Um, and it was sent to you, so >> to me. >> Yeah. Um, hopefully there's a letter in to say who it's from and ding-dong dang, but I have a feeling, just be care. Yeah. >> Oh, it's a bag. Thank you. >> What does it say on the bag? Cuddle clones. >> Cuddle clones. I think this is what I think it is. >> Oh wow. >> This is so exciting. >> Oh my god. No way. OH MY GOD. It is. >> Buzzy. >> It's Buzzley. >> You're back. YOU'RE BACK. >> HE WAS JUST IN THE MAIL. OH, it's bring back so many traumatic memories for me. [laughter] Oh >> wow, dude. Very good. Your cuddle clone is home. >> Oh, my [ __ ] [laughter] >> [ __ ] >> You're making me sad. >> Thank you very much. >> Wow. >> I'm going to [ __ ] [ __ ] out of this thing when I get home. >> Try and spike up his mane a bit. >> Up his neck. That's it. That's it. That's That's Now it's getting more like Bos. >> Um I do apologize. I I don't know who sent that in. So, shout out to the person who sent in >> the cuddle clones. Dude, >> thank you so much. Seriously, >> months. >> Okay, I think it's Jimmy. Uh, I'm going to [ __ ] name up. Arvin Nitus. Abanitus. >> Jimmy. Cheers, mate. No, that's serious, bro. >> Jimmy, seriously, that's very, very kind of you. >> That's very thoughtful. That is actually very thoughtful. >> Yeah, it's such a beautiful gift. >> Um, >> that's so cute. >> So, Jimmy was saying is, um, I want to get a plush made of Bosley. I've done it for my wife of her late dog and looks amazing. So, I wanted to get it made for Bosley. just need a few photos and I think we did send some photos through. >> So thoughtful. >> Yeah, what a guy. Thank you, Jimmy. That's such a beautiful gift. Marty's obsessed. >> Um he said, "I know how much Bosley meant to him. I just want him to have something to remember Bosley by." >> Jimmy legend. >> Thank you so much for that. >> He's even got his little >> Yeah. >> Oh my god. This is wild. >> Thank you very much. >> You should put a little sound thing in it. Every time it hears a door knock, IT JUST GOES like that. >> I just do that now. [laughter] >> All right. Anyway, >> we're going to have a bong break. We'll be right back with Tender Adventures. >> [bell] >> And we're back. >> All right, Matt, hit it. It's Tinder time. >> Sad and lonely women. >> An app. Tinder's there for our laughs. Maybe sex if we're staffed. Only cows can be cows. And this is a segment where we go on some Tinder adventures posing as Matthew Gregory Brown, the most single man in the whole wide world. World [ __ ] world. >> That doesn't sound good. >> You don't want to be in a relationship. I offer them to you and you cast them aside. >> No one know. But anyway, I have made some headway and I sent you a lovely one today. one that you like cuz she's in your age range. >> And I've told you go speed to 22. >> I've even said I'll go with you. >> What? >> Yep. >> To what? >> To speed dating. >> Oh, speed dating. >> Yeah, brother. We'll all come. >> No, that'll be [laughter] >> I'll watch through the windows. It'll >> be horrible if you guys. >> Where are [clears throat] you going, Matt? >> Can you take this? >> No, don't. He'll throw it. Just [ __ ] >> smack it out of his hands. Brown, [sighs] >> let's get going. Michael's upset. Look, feels betrayed. >> Pay reduction. [laughter] >> All right, so Matt starts a conversation. [laughter] >> He wants his pay. Oh. Oh my god, that was so close. >> All right, let's settle in for Tinder. It's time for fun. >> All right, you ready? You good? >> Yes. Don't don't [clears throat] don't cut my pay. >> Matt starts a conversation. You're actually quite beautiful. >> Why, thank you, Matt. I got it from my mama. We'll tell your sexy ass mom thanks. And kiss her with tongue for me. And then when she goes to pull away, grab her ass and pull her in again. Push her chin up and suck on her neck. Lick her collarbone. If she says anything, just say, "Matt asked me to to do it so it's not weird." Film it. That's weird. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, but just tell her I asked you to and then she she'll know it's not actually you doing it. It's me. Is your mom married? Unmatched. >> Oh, [laughter] that is super super forward. >> That's right. >> Was she nice looking? >> Um I don't They're all Everyone's beautiful. Everyone's beautiful. >> All right. So Matt and Andy Anyway, you actually started this one. Matt started this one. [sighs] Matt's first message was don't don't what? Don't give me attitude. That's a massive red flag already. That's nothing, Matt. Well, then show me something. Wouldn't want you to call me a red flag again. Bringing up past issues is such a red flag. Unmatched. [laughter] All right. So, she starts a conversation. Hey, how are you? Gray. I've got gray skin and they don't know why. [laughter] Have you ever been on Centerlink? What the? Yeah, the doctor thinks it's a virus. It's freaking me out a little bit. I feel very unwell, but yeah. Have you ever been on Centerlink? Yes. Why? [snorts] Did you ever have issues with the whole showing that you've applied for jobs? I'm on Centerlink and they keep holding my payments because I'm not applying for enough jobs. But I wouldn't be on Centerink if I was applying for jobs. That's literally the whole point. [laughter] I was never on Centerlink for that. I work full-time and I'm a full-time single mom. Oh, right. Well, since you don't work either, can you help me with my forms? What's your number? It might be easier if I just call you and explain. Basically, they want me to send my resume to like 20 jobs, but I just don't want to. I just want to enjoy my unemployment. And then she stopped replying. And then Matt repli responds again, "Hello, can you do my fors or not? Hurry up." [laughter] And then she unmatched. Oh, >> all right. >> And this one is actually one that worked worked worked worked worked worked. >> Matt starts a conversation. Okay. Wow. And just so you guys know, she's 20. She's in her 20s, which is a massive massive tick. And >> massive, massive tick. >> It >> which is another tick. Okay. Wow. Hello. How's your day? So much better now. I can't believe you actually replied. I want to dedicate my life to you. >> I know I don't know you, but just from your looks alone, I would end my whole life just to serve you. >> That's cute. What are you looking for? >> You I've just gone through and I matched every single other combo I have. You are my sole focus in life until we sleep together. What's your Instagram? I'm looking for a meaningful connection. Yes, so am I. Connective tissue stretches from our hands as we unattach ourselves. >> My next relationship has to be my wife. Like I'm so ready. That's why I'm so excited we're talking because you're so my type and I can see you as my wife. >> Oh, that's nice. What do you do for a living? >> I work for Australia's biggest and most important comedy duo, Marty and Michael. I'm the upand cominging on camera talent, and I have an endless opportunity. Surely you've heard of Marty and Michael, right? They're huge. [laughter] >> [ __ ] me. And then she says, "I'm a actuary." >> What's a What's a actuary? It's a profession. I analyze the financial consequences of risk and uncertainty using mathematics, statistics, and financial theory. >> Oh, man. [snorts] >> I've got a bucket full of coins. Lots of gold ones, too. Do you mean gold value? Where are you from? >> No, like one and $2 coins. I'm from Brisbane. >> I'm from GC. I will travel to you every day. Do you have Instagram? The reason why I downloaded this app cuz I my insta got disabled for no reason and I appeal it waiting for the result. I'll have a WhatsApp as of the moment. Oh, no way. That's so annoying. Can we chat on WhatsApp? I don't go on Tind and then that goes on and then she gives me her number and I gave that number to Matt and Matt is going to message her. >> Yeah, [cheering] that is the wife. >> Mrs. Brown, >> I think she's a scam. >> No, it's not a scam. >> Who does WhatsApp? >> Huh? >> That's a scam. You guys haven't been single for ever. So, in my world, that's a scam. >> Look, you win some, you lose some. I reckon go for it. You can still have sex with a Nigerian 40-y old man. [laughter] >> Like, you're not trusting me here, but trust me, that's that's probably 90% chance a scam. >> No, >> I think you got to try. >> Uh, no. >> Maybe >> you got to try. Everything's noisy, Matt. It's It's a thing on the GC. I'm not I want to find love. >> Wow, that is so racist. >> It's a young fresh lady at the GC. IT'S A YOUNG FRESHMAN FROM THE GOLD COAST, MATE. >> GC ISN'T A RACE, MICHAEL. >> YES, it is. >> THEY HAVE FAKE LIPS AND BIG TEETH. IT'S >> still not a race. >> Also, the one girl that you have liked on Tinder, I saw in her little thing, she said all natural and then a peach sign. It's like that's worse. >> Yeah. >> What? [snorts] You like her? [laughter] [laughter] >> That was good, dude. >> You like her, Matt? All right, last one. Here we go. This is This is a good one. This is quite a long one. And it ended amicably. You'll be happy to hear. [laughter] Oh, stomp my feet and call me crazy. I like you. Oh, look out. It's trouble. Oh, you have no idea the trouble I cause. Both my exes are in jail. I'm as cheeky as it gets. What's your history like? Both your exes are in jail. At [snorts] this point, I'm less interested in your history and more concerned about whether I should be wearing a helmet. What kind of trouble exactly are you causing? Ah, so you want a history lesson now? Yeah, I realize I probably shouldn't have opened with that, huh? Going to scare you off. Long stories, but basically one of my exes was a drug dealer and the other one. And the other one after her cheated on me. I didn't know. She didn't know. I knew. And she had a few drinks at lunch and she was driving us home. We got into a fight and I grabbed the wheel and she crashed. Cops breathalyzed her and deemed it was her fault. So yeah, I haven't had the best luck. Okay, your turn now. >> Gee, well that escalated quickly. I was expecting a few cheeky stories, not a whole season of true crime. Sounds like you've definitely had some adventures. As for me, I'm 12 months out of a 10-year relationship. Blah blah blah blah blah. I promise I'm not a drug dealer either. I don't mind a bit of green socially, and I do enjoy a glass of wine or occasionally the whole bottle. But I've got a good job, my own place, my head screwed on. Most importantly, my son's look after. I'm cheeky/ unhinched, but I'm responsible. >> Don't roll your eyes at that. >> Hurry up. >> And I don't club. Stop that [ __ ] In the 20s. In my 20s. She's old, Matt. >> Yeah, it's been hectic. And just so you know, I would never grab the wheel while driving again. We both nearly died because I steered us into a building at 60 km an hour. And then the cops and and then told the cops it was her because she was drunk. I don't feel good about that. Also, please don't mention this to anyone. Obviously, I just want to be honest moving forward. Yeah, I don't do drugs and drink recreationally, but I'm glad to hear you aren't a dealer. What's your son do? >> Oh. [laughter and snorts] That's your past, Matt. I'm not here to judge past life choices. What does my son do? Well, he's six, so he goes to school and lives rentree. How long since your last relationship? And what are you looking for? I was conscious for the whole thing. I pushed the wheel, left hard. She tried desperately to pull my arm off, but I just saw red and stiffened my grip and held on. Right before we hit the building, she slammed the brakes on, but it was too late. Slammed into the corner of a brick office block. Her head bashed into the driver's side window and she was out cold. [laughter] I thought I'd killed her. I can still see it so clearly. >> Sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm so sorry that happened. >> I sat freaking out. Then the police siren snapped me out of it and my thoughts turned to self-preservation. I got out and ran over. First thing I said was, "She's drunk. I begged her not to drive." And when she woke up in hospital, she couldn't remember anything, so she didn't deny it. I still laugh about it sometimes when I'm alone. [laughter] How long ago was this? Also, after hearing all that, I have to ask, how do you handle conflict these days? Hopefully with communication and not grabbing steering wheels. >> And last question that wasn't answered. What are you looking for? >> Happened in the middle of last year. Sorry to dump this on you. I've never spoken about it to anyone. She's got 3 years jail, so two and a half left. I'll think I'll come clean when she's out. It's, as funny as it is, I can't handle the guilt. I've [laughter] really worked a lot on myself since then and it might not and I might not be perfect at handling conflict but I am terrified of letting anything like that happen again and I will not ever let it. When you say you've worked on yourself what did you what does that actually look like? Just started having less beers and I went and spoke to some from church and whenever I get angry I just turn and sprint no matter what the scenario. That's my rule. I [ __ ] power sprint in the opposite direction. >> [laughter] >> So basically your conflict resolution strategy is this. I'm going for a run. Honestly, surprisingly healthy. I can work with that. Also, some [ __ ] from church. Yeah, I just made all that up. I don't have exes. [laughter] Are you serious? >> Yes. I told you at the start I'm nothing but trouble. I got you so good. I can't believe you were okay with me nearly killing myself. My ex. Holy [ __ ] I got you good. You absolute. I was sitting here analyzing your emotional trover like a bloody therapist and you just made the whole thing up. I was ready to hand you a cup of tea in a safe space. You owe me that time back. Maybe block. Oh my god. Surely I've earned a root. When are you free? No, I'm not that kind of girl. Heaps of beautiful on here. Heaps of beautiful women on here looking for that. Not me. Yeah, that's totally fair. And to be honest, you seem like you deserve a good bloke. I'm looking for acrobatic no strings attached sex. So I'll stop wasting your time. I wish you luck. Unmatched. >> What a beautiful lovely ending that was. >> That was a journey. >> Yeah. >> What a crazy chick to think that that's okay. >> Oh, she was ready to accept that. >> Even like he's working on himself is [laughter] to sprint away from the situation. Like she thinks that's good. >> Starts getting angry and then just turns and legs [laughter] it. >> [laughter] >> You fully rolled your eyes when you found out she was a stay-at-home mom. >> No, [laughter] I was rolling my eyes how long that was all taking. >> Oh, man. It just show like women are willing to work on men to try and repair them. >> Yeah, that's Why are you annoyed at that? >> I don't know. She should have just moved on from me. >> All the [ __ ] that came out. >> She's moved on. All the that came out just then and she was like willing to accept is shocking, >> mate. Look, it's beggars can't be choosers at this age. [laughter] >> You got to [ __ ] grab what's left at the bottom of the bin. >> You got to put your little tin out. You got to put your little tin out and hope you get some crumbs. [laughter] >> Oh wow. >> Instead of looking for $10 notes, you got to start looking at the silver, baby. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> All right, look. Before we move on to the Matt and Michael competition, don't forget next episode we will be revealing Matt Brown's new fresh foot tattoos. And that is really >> you are in for some hellish pain. Michael and I have been laughing knowing the amount of pain he's going to go through. So, we'll have some footage of that as well. So, make sure you watch next week and turn the post notifications on and like, comment, and subscribe and all that [ __ ] >> And just like the sandalot says, Matt, >> the sand, >> forever. >> Forever. >> He's going to get me. I don't want to get in. >> Forever. Forever. If you haven't seen the Sandlock, go see the Watch the Sandlock. >> Here we go. It's time for some [ __ ] Bball. >> All right. This is shot for shot B ball. I shoot, he shoot. I shoot, he shoot. >> Yeah, I think they get it. >> First to three. They didn't get that bit. You had heard that yet, did you? >> If Michael sinks through three though and he's had one more shot, Matt does front toe there, mate. Watch that front toe. >> Here we go. This is it. >> Go gra. >> No, I think so. >> Go gra. >> NO, >> HE MISSED. OH, >> MAN. Where'd you get those shoes from? The shoe shop. [laughter] >> Holy man. Come on. >> Hurry up. Hurry up. >> Your hat's backwards. The sun's out. >> In. In. >> This is unbelievable. >> One zip. Mad. >> You farted on me, Matt. >> Matt's shooting style. Horrifically ugly, but it does the job. >> Go grab food. NO. NO. MISS. >> WAIT. Your shirt's backwards. Star Wars is meant to be behind you. >> I thought it was backwards when I first got >> Got him. See? Got him. >> Okay. I'll Where'd you get your knees? >> It's all wide. A chance to draw. >> One n to Matt. Michael's shot. >> Oh [ __ ] Wow. THAT'S >> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY BASKETBALL. DO YOU TWO HAND IT, MATE? Two hands. >> It's in. >> Oh, two nick this otherwise it's over. THIS IS IT. >> COME ON. IT'S IN. >> He hangs on by a thread. >> Now, this is where it gets interesting cuz Brown under pressure has been shown to not be amazing. So, let's see. >> Come on, Brown. Here we go. Michael Jordan. >> Redeem. >> STAR. >> STAR JOB. >> Star job. I can do what I want. >> It's my show. >> It's my show. Brown. >> Block him out. >> Stand up. [laughter] >> Is that what you need? [screaming] >> Chance. Oh, HE'S DONE IT EASY. MATT BROWN WINS 31 AND TIES IT UP AT THREE ALL. COME BACK. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT EPISODE, EVERYBODY.