Video summary
Navy SEAL Andy Stumpf opens his discussion with a stark warning about the evolving nature of modern warfare, arguing that no one is truly prepared for the coming conflicts driven by rapid technological shifts and AI integration. He highlights how drone technology has moved from being purely surveillance tools to kinetic weapons capable of detonating remotely, creating new dangers on the battlefield without necessarily making war more humane. Stumpf expresses concern over the trajectory toward "human out of the loop" scenarios where machines make life-and-death decisions faster than humans can react, potentially leading to a future dominated by robots rather than soldiers. He notes that while innovation in electronics is advancing rapidly, combat tactics often remain rooted in World War I and II methods like clearing corners with rifles, creating a dangerous blend of high-tech capabilities and low-tech human vulnerability where visibility remains the enemy for operators using night vision gear during full moons or bright nights. The conversation delves into specific anecdotes from Stumpf's career, including his reflections on Operation Neptune’s Spear and the complexities of post-engagement protocols regarding captured targets. He recounts stories that diverge from official narratives, such as accounts suggesting a significant delay between securing Osama bin Laden and taking photographs, raising questions about whether follow-up shots were fired to ensure death or if there was an immense amount of time for processing information before finalizing reports. Stumpf emphasizes the importance of adhering to rules of engagement and avoiding mutilation, noting that while inflicting wounds incompatible with life is standard procedure during active clearing operations, post-combat actions must be handled carefully to maintain moral standing and prevent adversaries from escalating their own brutality against American forces. He also touches on the physical realities of military service, sharing a harrowing story about Keegan Gill, an aviator who ejected at three knots under the speed of sound after initiating a maneuver outside the envelope, surviving only because he landed in cold water that constricted his blood vessels to prevent fatal bleeding before being airlifted by Coast Guard. Beyond tactical operations and technology, Stumpf addresses the cultural shift surrounding veterans and the psychological toll of military service on society's perception of war. He observes how public reverence for American troops surged after 9/11 but has since swung back toward a more typical skepticism, contrasting this with the deep respect shown to British soldiers in the UK where he frequently receives gratitude from strangers despite his lack of direct combat experience there. This pendulum swing highlights the dangers of over-hyping military communities or treating veterans as infallible heroes, which can lead to disappointment and cynicism when reality clashes with idealized narratives. He critiques the current political climate regarding indefinite wars without clear end states, citing examples like Afghanistan where objectives were met years ago yet troops remained for two decades, leaving behind infrastructure that was subsequently exploited by enemies once American forces withdrew. In his concluding remarks, Stumpf offers profound advice on personal growth and mental health, urging listeners to be cautious about what they are willing to die for or sacrifice in life. He introduces the concept of the "curse of psychological strength," explaining how high performers often endure excessive discomfort and suppress their emotions to succeed professionally, only to pay a heavy price in private relationships where attunement matters more than endurance. Drawing from his own experiences with marriage and self-reflection, he warns that treating love like a challenge or believing suffering is noble can lead to self-abandonment and hollow victories. He encourages people to slow down their decision-making processes, avoid isolation by recognizing shared struggles, and understand that true fulfillment comes not just from achieving external accolades but from using one's unique experiences—whether military training or personal hardships—to help others suffer better in their own lives.
Read the full video transcript
I'm going to play a little trick for the
first time ever in this studio to make
you feel a little bit more at home. So,
you're a man who operated largely in the
dark.
When you are doing raids, when you would
have been operating, I imagine some
stuff would have been by day, but other
stuff would have been by night. Unless
there was an extremely compelling reason
to do so exclusively at night. Mhm.
Oh, nice. Here we go, transitioning
evening.
And now we're in a blood moon. You said
you didn't go out at full moon.
Oh, okay. Cuz there's too much
visibility.
>> So, you know, even though you can see at
night
with night vision goggles, we constantly
we're looking at the illumination, the
external illumination, because at some
point people can almost see you as well
as you can see them with the
technological advantage.
So, we would avoid the high illumination
nights, and obviously aviators and
things that fly that could be backlit
against those, they try to avoid it as
well. What
are you surprised by with
what's happening with warfare over the
last few years? Like, I can't work out
whether technology is making things more
humane or more dangerous. I think an
equal measure of both. I've had a lot of
conversations about this with guys
during the time period that I served.
I'd never for a single second
thought about the danger drone warfare.
And I don't mean drones to us was
predators or reapers or overhead
surveillance platforms that had great,
you know, sensor pods and
they could pipe stuff down and you could
have the ability to look at what they
can see. It was great for situational
awareness.
I never once was concerned about
somebody
essentially ordering a drone on the
internet. Not that that's how it's being
built in or made in Ukraine specifically
and Iran has some smaller ones as well.
But having that be a kinetic option on
the battlefield, didn't think about it a
single time. And I am glad that I am not
a part of that because
I mean, I have an internet connection
just like anybody else. And I I don't go
searching for those videos, but
sometimes they find you and people
running away from a basically a DJI
drone
that detonates. Mhm.
>> [clears throat]
>> Uh
a hard pass, the hardest of passes being
involved in that. I had read that field
medics
are not getting the same sort of trauma
training that they used to because the
kind of injuries that soldiers are
getting on the battlefield are totally
different now.
Well,
towards the tail end
of Afghanistan and Iraq, it was very IED
heavy. So, it would be explosive wounds
which are really gnarly. Um not that any
kind of wound is particularly great. Um
but it just it just tears things to
pieces. And most of the stuff I'm seeing
with the drone warfare is kind of the
same. It's explosive base. So, maybe
I don't know. I'm not sure. It might be
more aggressive. It might be might be
able to be more powerful. I don't know.
But, uh
Yeah. Uh well, what have you been
surprised by? What have you been able to
predict the direction that warfare was
going to go in? No, because at the same
time with like let's take Ukraine as an
example. At the same time that they're
at the cutting edge of what's going on
with electronics
there are videos of guys running through
trenches
fighting at distances between you and I.
Like just putting AKs around a corner
which, by the way
kind of a fan of clearing a corner that
way. Like Hello, is anybody here? God, I
Not advisable, honestly. I mean, maybe
like peek No. It's a high-risk strategy.
It is controversial. I'm not here to
tell anybody how to party, so you do
you.
But, I mean, so we're talking back to
World War I and World War II, but at the
same time at the leading edge of
electronics
in the same battle space.
What?
So, it's this blend of innovation and
evolution and then humans getting it on
like eye to eye.
Do you think we're over-hyping AI in
warfare? Cuz each technological
development is basically touted as the
end of one era and the beginning of
something different.
I don't know. The way it's been
described to me is that there's phases
that AI is coming in.
>> [snorts]
>> Um right now there's a human in the
loop, meaning a human making the final
decision maybe assisted by AI.
Then there's human on the loop,
meaning
kind of just over watching the AI. And
then the phase that I think terrifies
everybody is human out of the loop.
And I think that's where a lot of the
stuff when it came to Mix Claude is at
Anthropic. I think that
I want to believe that they stood their
ground. Um, and again, I only have
information based off what I could
consume on the internet, which, you
know, take all that with a grain of
salt. But it seems like they stood their
ground morally from a
intelligence perspective or the ability
for mass surveillance and then getting
to that point where humans being off the
loop. Cuz if we take humans off the
loop, I don't know how you combat that
as an adversary
without doing exactly the same thing.
Cuz if it can think and make decisions
faster than any human that's any of
those earlier phases,
then you're already at a tactical
disadvantage.
And then we end up working for robots
for our daily water ration, and I don't
think that's great. I don't want
Terminator to become a documentary.
Which we might be on that trajectory.
Yeah, I uh
Coming from a SEAL background, how do
you feel about AI basically being
involved in
life and death decisions for operators?
I don't know how it would be at the
level that we operated at. I mean,
broadly, to speak broadly. And again, I
am dated, so I don't know exactly how
they are interfacing AI right now.
The job was to, at some point,
a lot of other entities would find, fix,
locate an individual, fix them in a
location, and our job was to get to that
location and then
finish. And that doesn't mean kill.
Sometimes it does. It largely depends on
the actions that the individual would
take, but solve the problem, which means
cross the threshold of a door somewhere.
I don't know how AI does that for you. I
think AI can do a lot of stuff,
especially in the electronic spectrum.
Um
I mean, I don't know. I mean, I guess
you could in you know, those
Raytheon dogs or whatever they are, the
robotic type stuff. I mean, maybe it
gets to that level and maybe that
removes the operator from that or
they're controlling him like the
the drone operators are now, but I don't
think it's at that level yet. So, I
think it helps more in the planning and
analysis process than anything. But, as
long as there are people still crossing
thresholds of doors,
I don't know how much impact AI is going
to have. Could choosing to cross the
threshold of that door or not or the
time to do it or not and targeting and
planning
>> Yeah. the fact that that's done by AI
now puts operators at the mercy of the
decisions that maybe humans weren't
involved in. It'll never make the
decision as the go no go criteria. It
will spit like intelligence
the intelligence community can present
packages
and you can, you know, in your mission
planning process, you are looking at
every phase of the operation. You're
planning
mostly on contingencies, but you're
looking at all of those things. The go
no go is not based on
an intelligence package. It's based on
essentially the ground force commander
saying this meets the criteria. Now,
there are exceptions to that, I would
say. Let's say if you are looking for
somebody and there's a trigger,
a cell phone pops up on a network and
you've been looking for that thing like
that's like, "Hey, we might need to go
like right now." But, other than that,
the decision is going to be based off
when you think it is best suited for you
and least suited for the person that
you're going after. Mhm.
Tell me you saw this ghost mammal thing.
Oh, you mean how we can find heartbeats
from space? Yes. Yeah, I'm sure missing
hikers would have appreciated if that
got used for them as well, too.
You know, like I don't
>> This is the wildest [ __ ] Yeah, but
that's because it you found it on the
internet.
I saw Bigfoot on the internet one time,
too, and that doesn't mean it's real.
You don't think that this is what they
did? No. Wow. Okay, no. Um does it sound
awesome? Yes.
Would it do I want that tech to exist
Well, now was it from space or was it
supposedly from an aircraft?
>> Supposedly from an aircraft. Um, I do
not want to tip my hand. Again, I'm very
dated, but I don't want to tip my hand
on any of the Like to me, it is
essential to maintain the TTPs, tactics,
techniques, and procedures.
There are
>> [gasps]
>> ways and means
that I think aviators have
to identify their location that would be
picked up by aircraft and probably the
higher you are, the better you would
have for line of sight and things like
that.
Do I think it's capable of doing it in a
heartbeat? Maybe, but I don't think
we're there yet. I really don't.
There are other less complex ways to do
that.
>> You mean instead of quantum
electrodynamics fixed to the front of an
Apache helicopter detecting a heartbeat
and getting rid of all of the gerbils
and dogs and enemies that are out there
zeroing in on this one guy from 40 miles
away to pick him up and extract him. So,
when the episode comes out, can you just
dub me saying what you just said, but I
>> [laughter]
>> Cuz yeah, so it's exactly
I don't know why you think that this is
unrealistic. This is just seems fun.
>> the thing. I want stuff like that to be
true, but can you The funniest story is
the truest story. That's the way it
works.
>> how pissed people would be who had lost
family members in the back in like back
country and technology like this existed
and we didn't use it for our own people
cuz we were trying to protect It's like
send the
>> You wanted to We wanted to wait for this
one guy. What's he called? Like Dude 44
Bravo or something? What was his code
name?
>> I don't know.
>> Dude 45 Bravo or something.
>> too good of a code name, to be honest,
or a a call sign. Most of them you'll
notice they're
they are from mistakes or things that
the person who the call sign is
associated with are not proud of, which
is exactly why they need to be what they
are. Like if you make a galactic mistake
in training and they can associate one
word to that, that's what you're known
for for the rest of your military
>> What was yours? No, it was only aviator
was.
>> Okay, okay, okay.
>> I was just Andy. Okay.
>> [laughter]
>> Super lame. What is of the most stupid
ones that you've heard? Oh god, you hear
people you know when they're trying to
make them up cuz and most of the time
this is involving alcohol to be like oh
yeah yeah my call sign was bone crusher.
I'm like you're 142 lb soaking wet. Shut
up.
>> [laughter]
>> It's stuff like that, you know what I
mean? Like you know, reaper just like
take it easy, dude. Take it easy, you
know?
>> So you did you think that this ghost
mama thing at least the explanation of
it's [ __ ] in the way that they
managed to find find this guy in the
middle of the desert was something a
little bit more? I think there are
easier ways to do it. Okay. And when
when pilots eject, it's not like they're
ejecting with no tools.
So
um part you know there's entire
department like the aviators don't
maintenance the aircraft, right? There's
those people making sure that the
aircraft is good to go. There's people
making sure that survival equipment is
good to go. All of those things. So when
you First off, I've never punched out of
an aircraft. I've talked to some people
who have. It seems to be
a spicy ride. How so? Um well, I had a
guy on my show who ejected at about
three knots under the speed of sound
about a
>> [laughter]
>> So and I I might be I might be getting
this uh exact detail incorrect, but he
was doing a maneuver and was nose down
in a Hornet looking at the Atlantic
Ocean rushing up
and punched out and it basically
How did he describe it? Took all of the
bones in his body that weren't broken
and did the opposite of that. And the
only reason he's actually alive is
because the water was so cold. He was in
the hospital for months. Keegan Gill is
his name. Why would the cold water help?
Because it's uh shuts your blood
vessels. He was going to bleed out
otherwise.
Hang on. So the force of ejecting a few
knots under the speed of sound. Because
the ad that was that managed to slam
into Okay, so it wasn't the force of the
ejection, it was the I don't think that
feels good either. I was going to say
cuz people people can get concussed I
think just by doing that. Oh, I think if
you do two, you're done. I think they
medically retire you if you get two
ejections.
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, do you know it'll shorten your
vertebrae. I mean, it's I think you go
for Dude, I used to be 5'11. What am I
now?
>> think it goes zero to double-digit Gs
like that. Um and so yeah, he was
Um and he was flying
>> was a real one-two punch. Yeah.
>> That was the the jab was the ejection.
He basically said he almost got
liquefied on
departure from the aircraft.
I'm like,
okay.
>> [laughter]
>> Yeah. And then and his aircraft aircraft
just vaporized when it hit the ground.
Yep. Well, water. Yeah, with the water.
There happened to be I believe it was a
Coast Guard vessel nearby that his he
was flying with his boss.
They were doing like some early air
combat maneuvers and he literally he's
like, I initiated a maneuver outside of
the envelope that I should have, put the
aircraft into a position where it was
not going to recover. And can you
imagine that visual? So he was probably
like
600 miles an hour.
And he said a second and a half from
impact. Can you imagine that visual
coming up?
[ __ ] What? Yeah.
And then if you miss the the little
ejection handle
>> [laughter]
>> He didn't take the safety out. Yeah.
Yeah. No, thank you. Hard pass. Well,
but when they go out, not in that
situation, um you have you have tools
with you. And it so the ejection seat
itself has some stuff that comes with
it. Like a little life raft before
existing in a For sure. You can you can
have a firearm, probably. You're going
to have a radio. You might have a beacon
type system. Um maybe some food.
Probably. Yeah. Um it's not going to be
awesome.
And people forget that aviators so that
we go to the same school the basic seal
school that aviators go to. They're
specialists. That guy was a weapon
systems officer. So he was in the back
seat of an F-15, I believe. So he wasn't
flying. And I actually don't even know
if they're pilots. My guess would be
that they're not. So, the guy up front
is completely responsible for
manipulating the controls. I don't even
know if they have controls in the back,
actually. Never been around an F-15
cockpit.
So, he's doing all the weapon stuff.
Their world is very high off the ground.
And so,
I've done a backseat ride in an F-18,
and it was I'm like, this is
ridiculously uncomfortable. Like, my
head was bouncing off the canopy.
Um was sick for about 2 days, felt
nauseous because of the Gs we were
pulling.
But then, earlier in my career, I went
to SERE school, and I was paired up with
an F-18 pilot. And you want to talk
about a duck out of water.
Like, how do you read this topographical
map? Like, how do you You know, now to
me, I'm like, oh yeah, but this will
celestially navigate, or this is east,
and we're just going to do that. And
they're like,
where's my airplane?
>> [laughter]
>> Right? It's It's the complete inverse.
Like, if you were to throw your average
special operations dude in an F-15,
they'd be like, oh my god. So, just
imagine the reverse of that when these
people punch out.
>> they're on the ground, was supposed to
be in three dimensions, I'm now in two
dimensions.
>> Yeah. And it's it's real, you know? You
could maybe see you on your sensors,
people looking for you, trying to shoot
at you at 25,000 ft, and now you're at
250 ft, and those same people are down
there, and they're looking for you. I
don't know if anybody got that close to
him, but
I I I would like to believe that tech
exists. I think that's a far stretch.
Probable? I don't Well, uh possible, not
probable. Mhm.
Yeah, it's crazy to think that
these guys that have been Well, they
have training to be able to
evade. Limited. So, like I said, we
would we go to the same school. It's
about a week of in-classroom stuff, and
a lot of it, at least when I went
through, was based off of Vietnam. A lot
of studying the Hanoi Hilton.
And the POWs there, and the, you know,
the tap codes that they they created an
alphabet system that they would teach
each other through doing it. Um and it
was a 5x5, um and a lot of it is
what to expect if you're captured, how
you're going to questioned. You need to
you know, stay You're supposed to do the
best that you can to stay inside of the
boundaries of
releasing particular information, but
the reality is with enough pain, people
are they're going to break, you know.
Um
And then you go out to the one I went to
is in Warner Springs, which is in East
San Diego by not very far.
>> The one you went to? The the SERE
school. Survival, Escape, Resistance,
and Evasion.
Um you go out to the And it was this was
aviators and
largely
people who might find themselves on the
ground. So, special operations
personnel, anybody that might find
themselves on the ground in like a
theater of war.
>> [clears throat]
>> Um I don't think you would need to send
like traditional Navy people who are
going to be on a vessel to SERE school,
very unlikely that that would be
That'd be a rough day if they ended up
getting rolled up. I don't know. It's
like, "Wow, they swam out here and took
you out of here, man."
>> far from home.
>> Totally. God, that would suck. And then
you would really wish you'd gone to that
school, but you know, uh you got to play
the odds on that one. So,
it was a couple days of group
navigation, and then they they start off
a simulation where
now you're on E&E, escape and evasion,
and you're paired up, and you were
trying to evade an enemy force that is
looking for you, probably very similar
in concept to Iran, and then everybody
eventually gets caught because you spend
about 2 and 1/2 days in slappy camp,
where they slap you around, and they
introduce you to uh being I don't know
if they would say interrogated, but it's
essentially what it is. And you're in
this little, you know, it's this
It looks like dog kennels that human
beings are in, you know, and they're way
too small to be in there, so you can't
find a comfortable position. There's
music playing all the time. It must be
very hard for you to get comfortable
with the with the erection that you had.
Uh it's just stay hard, you know what I
mean?
Just the whole way through. That's
That's actually a great way to warn the
terrorists off you. Yeah. It's like, "We
can't go in Don't go in in kennel number
five. Uh he's just he's permanently
erect."
>> the That's the That's the problem is
some people they let it go. The The key
is go hard, stay alive.
>> [laughter]
>> I mean, I have If I put myself on the
other side of that coin, I'd be like,
"Just leave that dude alone." Clearly,
there's some psychopathy there. I don't
know what I'm terrified of him.
>> [laughter]
>> But if it's a couple days, and then
those people go back to If you're an
aviator, your job is to aviate. And so,
they're going to go back and master that
craft. And I don't think They'll keep on
top of their handguns, their Probably
not. I don't know what like level of
minimum training that they're required
to do. It's probably currency at best.
Competence and currency are not the same
thing. But again, they have to be
competent in current and flying in
multi-million-dollar aircraft in
>> a place where you prioritize your
training appropriately. Totally.
Yeah, so I can only imagine that that
guy he had a hell of a
day and a half or two days, however long
he was on the ground.
>> Someone said, "I can't wait for Mark
Wahlberg to play this guy in a movie."
Yeah.
Yeah, it's possible.
>> That's basically what you're doing.
You're like, "I don't want to be I don't
want to be picked up after 12 hours. If
I get picked up after 36, then there's a
movie. Mark Wahlberg doesn't That's the
play me. Especially if it's like 48."
Yeah, then now we're talking. Yeah.
Yeah, don't turn your beacon on. Yeah.
Really Really keep them guessing.
Wouldn't it be cool if you had like a
little chart, and on the chart it's the
different actor levels, and for the
longer that you stick about and go,
"It's 36 hours, but at 36 hours I only
get Marky Mark, but at 48 I get Brad
Pitt." How did you get such insight into
how the US military ops And at 72 it's
Chris Hemsworth. And I'm like, "God, I'm
going to make it to 72. I want to
Hemsworth to play me."
He's a handsome man. He is. Better in
person?
Yeah, unbelievably handsome in person.
Yeah, that actually was where I got the
permanently erect idea from. Okay.
>> It's terrifying. So, technology in war,
yep, is it making soldiers more fragile
or more effective?
Do you think?
I think two things can be true
sometimes.
I don't
I don't think you should outsource kill
it.
And killing through a screen,
even though I think that that's the way
that the world is probably headed,
I think that removes the burden
associated with that.
But at the same time, some of those
tools can help you
kill people a lot more effectively. So,
you mean there shouldn't be a flippancy
with pulling the trigger or the
equivalent of on another human? No.
I don't think so. I think it should
scramble your eggs for what
maybe the rest of your life.
Not like destroy you,
but it should change your optic
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Wasn't there a stat around the number of
soldiers who either didn't fire their
weapon, or fired their weapons in a
direction that wasn't basically toward
the enemy in World War II? Yeah, S.L.A.
Marshall did a study on this, and it's
why they went from shooting at circular
accuracy targets to silhouette type
targets. Now, there's some issues with
S.L.A. Marshall in his data collection
though. So, as they've looked at this in
hindsight, he claims to have
interviewed a substantial number of
people. And somebody finally just got
out a calendar and a piece of paper and
said, "How many did you say that you
did? And how long were you over there
for?"
The math doesn't math on that. So, there
come to find out there's some BS
involved
uh in that section of military history
as well. Um but that is
um a lot of where Grossman got his on
killing information as well, too. And
walking through that, they claim that
there was a
>> [gasps]
>> a
statistically very small amount of
people that would actually aim their
weapon at another human being and pull
the trigger. And they associated that
uh probably with
two prompts. One, just the morality of
humanity. But two, only practicing
shooting at things that didn't look
real. Not that a silhouette like a green
type silhouette doesn't look that real,
but it looks more human than a circular
bull's-eye.
So, they swap that out. And then, I
believe SLA Marshall and Grossman their
theory
was that the
percentages went up.
I don't know how you actually measure
that.
You know, I talked with some guys who
served in Vietnam. They're like, "God
damn, man. I was shooting at everything
I could get my
>> [laughter]
>> Well, then it stopped me cuz I ran out
of bullets." I'm like, "Whoa, dude.
You're at a 12. Can I get you back at an
eight? Also, are you okay? Have you
talked to anybody about this in your
life? Are you just like waiting for me
60 years later to ask you this
question?"
>> [laughter]
>> That's my dad, by the way.
Jesus Christ. Well, I look, I mean, the
technology might enable people to get
around that if that is an issue. And
should we allow that, man? I I
>> [snorts]
>> Killing is so romanticized in so many
ways. And it is
something that I God, it should be a
last resort.
And I don't know if you should remove
the complexity and difficulty associated
with that.
With suddenly
the flippancy that people can find
around that. It shouldn't be that. Well,
look at it. You can
If you're on any social media platform,
I mean, did you see Charlie Kirk's
death?
Uh how do you say? Uh
unconsenting, yeah. So, all twice
>> So, all three of my kids did too. That
was the hardest conversations I had to
have was with all three of my kids.
Especially knowing what that that did.
They I am the
most resoundingly uninteresting human
being to them. I think they have maybe
asked me about my old job
five times. Hm.
I don't I don't know what they know or
don't know. I don't talk with them
about. I have nothing military related
at the house. It's just
I'm just I just try to be their dad. But
all three of them in formative years of
their life
scrolling on social media cuz their
generation is of course almost
terminally online at this point saw
that. I saw it as well, too.
And on any of these social platforms, if
you go deep enough down a rabbit hole,
there's no way that these filters can be
as effective as we want them to be.
You're going to see people who are dying
online.
And that is not something that most
people ever actually see in their real
life. And I don't know if that reduces
your You know what I mean? Like it's
like this
this barrier
that I'm very thankful that almost
nobody is willing to cross. Like my
people might talk a big game about that,
but almost nobody is willing to cross
that barrier, and I'm very thankful for
that. Because it's not something that
should be talked about flippantly. I
don't think we should remove barriers to
making that easier.
That was really I mean, that's seared
into my brain. Think about how many
videos on the internet you've seen. Like
the tens of thousands of videos that
I've seen. I mean, isn't that lucky
numbers? I I I I I I I [ __ ] baby
[laughter] numbers, dude. Up your game.
We're talking a week? Yeah, yeah. Just
That's just porn.
And uh that one it's not the it's not
the main angle that everybody saw. It
was the second one that was much more
graphic. And I didn't mean to see that
one either. I
that's not my idea of a good way to
spend an afternoon to see that. And uh
yeah, I didn't I didn't mean to, but
then you're contending with what does
freedom of speech mean? And freedom of
exposure? Is that the same thing as
freedom of speech?
Freedom to be exposed to these things?
And how much should we There's certainly
things that we don't want to be
insulating people from. Yeah.
But then you There's stuff that almost
universally like a guy being
killed in a really, really graphic way.
That's one of the ones that I Who Who
needs to see that as a part of their
human development?
I completely agree. And the fact that
that stuff exists and will for the
foreseeable future.
I don't know I don't know what that does
to the psyche of people who see that
when they're
in the those developing ages.
What's something about special
operations that you think civilians
glorify that's
completely wrong or misconstrued by
people?
Legitimately, so I
I truly served with people that I
considered to be
just tremendous in every regard. And not
like a person that was tremendous in
every sense, but I could look at
somebody and say, "Oh my god. I wish I
could do what you're able to do to fill
in the blank." I could find inspiration
in those people and look at them and
say, "Okay, I know what's possible." And
And if you can get to that level, I can
at least try to get to that level cuz I
want that to be the standard. You can
apply that across the board.
>> [gasps]
>> But they're all exceptionally normal
people.
The special operations community is not
comprised of people that put a cape on
and go to work. They are very normal
people that are tasked with doing some
exceptional things at times, but they
suffer from the same ailments of life
that everybody else does.
And you can easily create this
unrealistic expectation
that they can do anything, that they can
tolerate anything,
that they are impossible to knock down,
and that isn't the case, man. They're
normal, exceptionally average people. I
wish I could take people and
introduce the first day of of buds
training where you'll have a couple
hundred people lined up and they're like
just look at the physiology of these
people. They'll be like there's going to
be like a D1 college athlete, which
guess what, that fucker's not going to
be able to swim, so see you later.
Right? And there's going to be a
marathon runner, and that guy's going to
have a really hard time swimming. So
that stuff kind of sorts itself out. The
rest of it, you would look at their
physiology and anatomy and you'd be
like,
really?
Like you look like the dude who was
checking me out at the grocery store and
that's like, yeah, that dude's a savage.
But still also a normal person. And I
think that's forgotten often.
And you can actually lie to yourself
when you're in that community because if
people expect that from you, you start
expecting it from yourself, and then
you're headed in a really deep, dark
place. You got a line, we are not as
unique as we think. We just struggle in
different ways. Yeah.
I'm guessing that's what you're talking
about here. Yeah. I mean,
there you have more in common with a guy
who's bagging your groceries and a
special operations soldier than you
could possibly think. And nobody wants
to believe that. I'm not saying why do
they not want to believe it? I don't
know.
Um
because then I think it makes it easy
for people to say, well, I can never do
that because that person's different.
And I'm not saying take the grocery
bagger to Iran, you know, maybe maybe
take the guy
>> you can [ __ ] survive Actually, we
really want to make a movie about you
with Mark Wahlberg.
>> [laughter]
>> You can put whatever you want to in this
brown paper bag, but it's all you have
to survive. I think 72 hours. Yeah. Only
if you want, Chris. Yeah. Yeah.
Now it's is easier to if you can say,
well they're different. Then you give
yourself an excuse. So I can't do it.
I mean and I went back as an instructor
for 18 months and I watched these kids
and I'm sure the instructors watched my
class
and said the same thing like
God, I work with retards.
>> [laughter]
>> That's
clearly what they were saying about my
class, but it it was not a group of
people
that are on baseball card decks. It was
people from all over the US.
From the Midwest to coastal cities
who would probably have politics align a
little bit more blue and some align a
little bit more red and people who
joined the military to get out of their
social economic position because they
had no upward mobility and legitimate
people had probably generational wealth
and they're all there.
And they're all
so ridiculously the differences are on
it's just it's round off error. The
similarities are
Yeah, they're just average people. What
did you learn as an instructor
looking at selection that you didn't
learn being part of selection? Yeah, let
me just tell you it's a different
experience.
Right, yeah cuz you were warm. Did you
did you play into the fact that when you
went through it you saw some bastard
with a big anorak on holding a hot cup
of cocoa and you're like, "Ah, now it's
my turn."
>> Well, with all generational trauma the
goal with it should be to pass it
downhill. So at least that's what the
military uses. Um no, there are
definitely people who play like roles
and caricatures.
I was I went back about 10 years after I
had been in and I was rehabbing from
getting hurt.
So and also we were well into the global
war on terror. So when I went through in
1997
the concept of the real world
application of the job was exactly that.
It was a concept. I volunteered during
peacetime
and there was a generation of SEALs that
had served post Vietnam all the way up
until that point that it never seen any
combat. No, but I mean it that doesn't
change though how hard they trained and
how much they focused on the job. It's
either good luck or bad luck depending
on the optic that you're looking at it
and people would tell you it's both like
oh it's good luck I didn't get that or I
had feel like I have horrible luck
because I didn't get those experiences.
So it was a different world for me
going through training. A lot of this
stuff as a student it's really weird.
You see my class started with 180 people
and we graduated 18 of the originals. So
every day you're peeling people off.
Mostly in the first phase of training
that's where the vast vast majority of
people are going to disappear.
But
you don't get to talk to them because
your training day continues and they're
just they're gone and they are shifted
over to another division and they're
housed in a different area and this and
that's not the meaning by any stretch
they just they lift and shift them from
the class that is going through training
and you're back to the needs of the
Navy. You can come back and that's
something that people don't often know.
You can uh you're going to have to go
back out to the fleet for a couple of
years. You're going to have to rescreen
to come back in. But some of the most
legendary SEAL operators are guys who
didn't make it through Buds their first
time.
And I don't know why people it's
understand that like oh you failed one
time I have to go you know my life is
over and I'm like I don't you know I
don't if I had a list my successes and
failures let me just tell you the
failure list is multiples magnitudes of
order greater than my success list.
But when I went through as a student
nothing made sense
because you would have an instructor one
day he would you would do something that
they would ask and they'd be like good
job. And the next day you'd do something
that they would ask and they would just
hand you your ass. You're like what is
going on here? So it was very chaotic.
And it didn't make sense like why are we
so focused on some of these things? It
was always attention to detail attention
to detail attention to detail and follow
procedure regardless of how you feel and
what is going on around you. As an 18
year old kid
all some of those things are very
difficult concepts right? And I also,
again, the lens of
I mean, this is just training, right?
Like nobody's been to war in a really
long time. Like
you guys take it easy a little bit on
me. Like, God.
Then I go back in 2006, so we're 5 years
into the GWOT at this point, and I
looked at the curriculum and I saw what
we were doing and I there was constant
aha moments of like, oh, this is why we
do that.
Attention to detail has nothing to do
with the knife that I'm expect
inspecting to see if it can cut here
before you go for an ocean swim or the
CO2 cartridges that you twist into a
life jacket that was produced in 1918,
but I don't even know would save your
life if you fired the cartridge off.
But you're sitting there as an
instructor and you're looking at each
one of the,
you know, the the screws and all all the
the little crevices. Is there any rust
in there? Is there any sand in there?
It's not going to matter when it comes
to functioning. You're focusing on
attention to detail above everything
else because that's what's keeping you
alive when it comes to following a
tactic when your entire world around you
was falling apart.
Um so, that type of stuff.
Time management, emotional control,
decision-making, all of those things.
Going back as an instructor, I'm like,
okay, now I get it.
And the way I viewed it was this.
I'm only going to be an instructor for 2
years, maybe on the far end, 18 months,
and I do want to continue my career. And
if I do so, I'm going to go back to a
SEAL team. And guess who I'm going to
end up serving with? All of these
people. So, it is probably even to my
own benefit and perhaps survival if I
try to pour as much knowledge
information into these people as opposed
to treating them like the red-headed
stepchild that you'd like to forget,
which is
technical description of how my class is
treated.
Not that I harbor any resentment and bad
feelings.
>> you had a particularly bad one? They
hated our class.
Well, hated the leadership of our class.
We did So, Hell Week is the fifth week
of training and it opens with like
M60s firing blanks and smoke grenades.
It's supposed to be like this intro into
combat. Sounds like [ __ ] Coachella's
opening party or something. I've never
been to Coachella, but I like where your
head's at.
>> [laughter]
>> And probably less alcohol at this party
than Coachella and Molly. But for our
class, they just walked out to the beach
cuz they put you out in these huge
general purpose tents.
And they just walked out to the beach
with the bullhorn and like
hit the surf, which just means run out
of the tent and you just go get into the
water. That's all we got. They hated our
class.
They'd beat the [ __ ] Why do you think
they hate you so much? There's
leadership.
Do you have a leader during Hell Week?
You have a leader at all times. Right.
So, um they did not like me.
Were you the leader?
And how?
>> [laughter]
>> No, no. I was going to say I totally
understand them if so. No, no. I failed
in my leadership role much later on. Um
after I had enough knowledge and
experience and just not the technical
capacity to do my job.
>> [laughter]
>> That it's not everybody's There's
another thing that a misconception that
people have.
Well, you know, if you come from special
operations, you're just naturally this
leader. You're going to be awesome. You
can lead in any situation. It's not
true. The best leaders that I ever was
around was in that community.
And in the same breath the worst leaders
that I was ever around was also in that
community. But nobody can tell that from
the outside because we still will be
successful. Get the job done.
Right. And then so people look at that
community and then they say, "Well,
okay. If you guys always get the job
done, then your leaders must all be
awesome."
Why don't you go ahead and canvas the
group and you'll find out right quick
which leaders are liked and appreciated
and are actually doing the jobs and
which ones are lucky
that they might not have a dick rubbed
on the inside of their coffee cup.
>> So, you had a strong headwind.
Does that mean a dick on my coffee cup?
Yes. Yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> I did the best I could. I've never
claimed to be a good leader, man. I have
made I'm not joking. I've made more
mistakes in my life than I've had
failures. This episode is brought to you
by Gymshark. I have tried pretty much
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Most of it looks good on the website,
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checkout. That's gym.sh/modernwisdom
and modernwisdom10 at checkout. You have
this line about failure being tuition
payments. Yeah. Every friend how I view
failures, I now consider them tuition
payments. Some of my tuition payments
have been relatively inexpensive and
some have taken me to the brink of
bankruptcy. Yeah.
Uh it's just an easier way to uh
get comfortable with consistently
failing. You're just lying to yourself
and reframing that, "Hey, maybe this is
a good thing." Cost of doing business is
a great way to look at this stuff
though, dude. Yeah, it really is.
Legitimately, I I didn't view it like
that for many, many years in my life
because you want to sit there and blame
every external circumstance and maybe
you do fail because of an external
circumstance,
but by reframing it as a lesson that I
learned then that I can apply moving
forward, the tuition payment that you
really don't understand the cost of, I
mean, I'll take a
to put in business terms, I'll take a
$5,000 mistake that would save me
500,000 later on, you know, and that's
that's really all it is.
It's uh failures are rough. I mean, it
doesn't make it any easier by reframing
it to that, but I also
sitting here today the person that I am
because of the failures and hopefully
what I've learned from those as well.
What are some of the most expensive
lessons that you've paid for?
Oh, man.
So, earlier in life
my entire life was based around
this concept of being somebody
who was incapable of quitting
because that's the community that I came
from.
And
because of that
I put my children and myself through
probably 10 extra years in a
relationship
that I'm still working my way out of and
the impact of because I would look at
myself in the mirror
and say
today's the day, huh? [ __ ]
Going to quit?
I literally
talked myself into staying in something
that demonstrably and objectively almost
everybody from the outside
after I made the decision to leave was
like, "Hey, man.
Good job on that one.
Wish you would have done that about a
decade ago because of how I viewed
myself in that situation." That shift
and I write about it. It's I'd actually
at this point in my life rather see
people fall a little bit short of their
goals
and know when to walk away than destroy
themselves because they don't ever want
to quit and they end up having nothing
in their life.
There's a fine line between resilience
and suppression with this. A lot of the
time I think we are
we compute confuse suppression for
strength.
And I don't I'm I'm I'm kind of
fascinated about
the line between
giving up too soon Mhm.
leaving it on the table, sandbagging a
workout and stopping because you're
about to get injured.
That is a tough one because how do you
measure that? That there's no external
tool that somebody can look at you and
say, "Hey,
you should keep going." Because they
don't actually, you know, like they
don't know
how your body is
>> What your limit is. Yeah, and especially
like you know, if you use an exercise as
an example, like the tension that you're
under, like you you're actually getting
physical feedback. Like, "No, no, I'm
not going to put that down so I don't
blow my, you know, my spine out." But
the emotional one's even more difficult
because
what does it mean to say that you went
past your emotional limit? Yeah.
>> What does an injury
relationally or comically or
psychologically mean compared with yeah,
dude, I I put
380 on the bar and tried to do 20 back
squats and I blew my MCL. Yeah, that was
a bad idea. But what does that mean?
Because it's you erode psychological
well-being in small chunks typically
over a very long period of time. So, you
can always go one more day. You can
always go until you get to the stage
where you've accumulated sufficient
damage. Yeah.
I wish I would have been able to
recognize that point earlier in my life.
It would have saved a lot of hardship
for
myself and I think for my my children as
well, too.
But if I'm like anybody else,
I'm almost always my own worst enemy,
you know. Like my mastery of negative
self-talk and I I
I have no uh education beyond a high
school diploma that I barely got. I
think they gave it to me just so I would
get out of there. But a PhD in negative
self-talk.
How does that encourage you to stay in
situations that you should leave
earlier?
The reason I stayed is because the
entire currency of my life up until that
point was being known as somebody who
wouldn't quit. Mhm.
And that's very common inside of that
special operations world. Again, you
know, what what do you what are these
misconceptions that people may have?
And and that's why to me it's so
important to at least try to pull back
the curtain a little bit and just
explain that these are absolutely
average people. Like, yeah,
and God, so many guys will say this.
I hate the term always and never, but
most guys would tell you like, "Listen,
the job will always suffer last. The
boys will always suffer last, but the
family will absolutely suffer before
your job performance does." I mean, you
put everything
for that pursuit of who you are and and
what you're doing on a pedestal,
and everything else around you in life
is falling apart, and you still have to
deal with that at some point. And it's
just that unwillingness to let people
down, and that unwillingness to admit
like, "Hey, man, like I'm falling apart
at the seams here. Like, I might be
performing work, but absolutely every
other metric in my life is is trending
in the wrong direction."
The guys won't say anything.
And it's it's dangerous.
I think it has a lot to do with what
happens when
you know,
guys get out and the struggles that they
have when they get out as well, too.
I found out that
of professional athletes
who get divorced, 50% of the divorces
happen in the first year after they
retire.
It's a different universe when you stop
going to work and you actually have to
physically be there.
On a the world I came from,
270
days a year on the road, easy.
I mean, you you you're living
independent, but maybe hopefully
parallel lives. And then you switch to
365 home.
Hey, honey, do we know each other? Do
you still like me?
I mean, you've lost your purpose. I
think that's a big one. Like, you are
trying to deal with the deceleration of
your own identity. Hopefully you guys
put the brakes on a little early, you
know, lift their head up a little bit,
realize that however long you want to
stay in the military, the end is coming,
so you can kind of keep an eye on the
horizon, on the future.
Uh the longer people wait for that, I
think the tougher the transition can be.
But, yeah, it's it's a shock, man.
You got to be careful that it's not who
you are, that it's just what you do.
Given that it's so all-encompassing,
that's got to be difficult, then.
>> Extremely. And I think that's why
I mean, the stats don't lie.
Statistically, uh veterans, special
operations as well, suicide rate is
statistically anomalous in comparison to
the rest of society.
You've got this line, "Until you view
yourself as the author of your life,
you'll be the victim of it." Yeah.
What's that mean?
It means until you stop blaming
everything else around you for the
course and trajectory of your life,
you're just going to be a flag in the
wind going with the direction that the
wind is blowing. And for clarity,
you have almost no control over what
happens in your life,
but you have complete and total control
in how you respond to it. And that is
being the author of your life. So, life
sucks sometimes. Cool.
Are you going to suck with that? Or are
you going to take control of who you are
and work your way through that and maybe
even be better at the end of that,
right? Um and that's the difference
between somebody who will sit there and
externally and instead of doing anything
about what's going on, they'll sit there
and complain about what's going on and
point fingers at everything. The author
of your life, not that it's any easier,
you accept what's going on, and you
focus on what it is that you can
control, which is largely going to be
your actions, your thought process, your
internal monologue, and what you do with
it.
I suppose an interesting
an interesting challenge that you have
here is
you are the author of your life,
and that means that you need to take
responsibility for how you have
contributed to the problems that you're
facing. But that also includes how your
traits, even the ones that in a
different world or a different
environment were strengths, Yep. you are
having to pay the price for now, too.
That's also you are your own
responsibility. Your traits are your own
responsibility.
If you take a no-quit attitude to
everything in life, you are headed
towards failure.
You have to control those tools as well,
too.
And again, that from coming from the
community where that was the currency
and equity is your ability to never
quit.
Let's apply that to alcoholism.
Like
I have a drinking problem, I should not
never quit, okay? Maybe I should just
pick up heroin then, too, see how far I
can push that one. Like, do you know
what I mean? Like, you there's easy
examples of where that can get
completely out of control.
>> [snorts]
>> And
it's just God, it's so God, it's so
dangerous.
And and that's why I say I would rather
have people fall a little bit short of
their goals and understand that not
everything is worth destroying who you
are or killing yourself for. There's
just so few things in life that I think
actually rise to that level. What's the
classic avatar
mold of a special operator's
relationship
like with their wife?
Man, uh that really varies. I don't know
if there could
Some guys like to marry strippers.
You know?
So We're not even talking [laughter]
about SEAL team anymore.
So, I mean, that's that's that's so
weird avatar and I'm not here to tell
anybody how to party, but I mean, that
relationship dynamic often involves
Chinese food getting thrown at you for
some reason. I don't know why, but I've
seen it.
>> [laughter]
>> I've seen it. It's weird.
Um
So, it really depends. The divorce rate
in special operations, I would say,
hovers at
80 to 85%? [ __ ]
>> That's an estimate. Like, I have no That
That It's anecdotal based on my
experience. But, the other side of that
is let's say it is 85. The 15% of those
people are making it. And I have seen it
where it's been high school sweethearts.
Legitimately high school sweethearts and
they
they have the ability to grow together
even though they're apart and they can
reconnect. I mean, a lot of it has to do
with, too, the the what was modeled for
you when you were young, right? Because
a lot of people will will replicate the
avatar of what was shown to them when
they were growing. That's what they
think a relationship looks like. That's
one of my regrets for staying 10 years
longer than I than I think I should have
is
and I got to the point where I was
asking myself like would I want my own
children to follow my footsteps in this
relationship?
>> Yes, and if the answer like And you are
imprinting them. Yes, and like what am I
modeling here? I I'm so you know, I am
the most influential person in my
children's life, especially at that
point in time in their life. What am I
modeling? And it's like that is a tough
conversation to hear to have like, oh my
god, I'm actually
even though I I view myself as somebody
who can never have quit and this is the
only currency that matters, I'm actually
modeling something I would never want my
children
>> want that for your kids?
>> Yes. Yeah. Before we continue, I wish
someone had told me 5 years ago to stop
overthinking nutrition and just find
something that works. I've simplified
mine down to one scoop a day and it's
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I mean, I spent a good bit of time with
Jocko over Christmas and uh Isn't he a
tiny little robot? Dude, he was just
like so extolling the virtues of his and
his wife's relationship. Yeah. He's
like, "Yeah, we I That's an example of
one that did work.
>> I think we've had
about one and a half arguments in 35
years or however long they [ __ ] it.
Oh, that just means they lie to each
other. No.
>> [laughter]
>> Or she's too scared to do it. Uh that
guy is a teddy bear. Yeah. He's cute.
He's been He was nice. I saw him [ __ ]
roll on the floor with Mark Zuckerberg.
Like that was a a scene that I never
thought I would have observed. That's
not wise at Mark. No. No. That That no.
That's not good.
>> He's about half half the weight and size
and about a tenth of the experience of
Jocko. But it was fun. It was fun to
watch. Especially while they were on
their feet. It was really fun. Yeah.
It's like watching UFC 1 happen. Is Zuck
we Is he wee? Is he a tiny man? He's not
small. He's definitely packed on some
muscle and size. He's been training a
good bit.
>> How tall How tall do you think he is? Uh
5'9".
I would try for one, but
>> [laughter]
>> Look, I mean, it was it was good to see
Jocko lie on top of another man. That
was That was a great way to spend it.
>> That's the best part about Jocko.
Morning. Yeah. Getting to lie on another
man. Or have them lie on top of you.
Mhm. You know?
We're not all tops.
Sometimes we're bottoms. Sometimes we're
bottoms. Dude, um what happened with
this Rebel Neil conversation? Cuz me and
you were texting about it and I saw an
absolute tsunami of [ __ ] occur. Man,
um I don't know how to accurately answer
that because I don't know.
This is the first time he and I ever had
sat down and talked. When we opened the
conversation, he reminded me that I had
taken him for his first tandem when he
went to the tandem, of course. I didn't
remember that because on that day I was
there as an instructor.
You probably take six or eight people
for a jump and that's how you That's
strapped to you. Correct. You're a
bottom.
They would be the bottom. Ah.
>> They're They're front riding.
>> Power position. Yeah. Yeah. How to
actually it is power bottom, yes.
>> [laughter]
>> PBA, power bottom actual. Yeah. Um
I didn't remember that.
Because I'd always said I'd never met
the guy. He was like, "Dude, you took me
for a first hand." I'm like, "Fuck,
sorry man, I didn't remember that. I've
taken 1,500 people for the first hand
him. So, it definitely wasn't
intentional."
I have never
seen a military operation that has
more
tentacles
going out
with divergence in
relayed experiences or stories, whatever
you would want to call it, than that
particular one. And I don't know what to
make of it.
I know a lot of people that were there.
I was not.
And
not all of their stories align with
the most
common narratives as well, too. This is
the Osama bin Laden, right?
>> Correct. Yeah, the operation was called
Neptune's Spear.
So, to I don't know.
Um
He didn't deviate from his story. You
know, he added some things in there that
that definitely surprised me about what
they included in the debrief and what
they left out of the debrief. What were
those things?
Uh
from Again, I was not there, so I'm
relaying this. There was the first
floor, the second floor, and then bin
Laden and his wives and I believe a few
children were on the third floor.
The stories or the relayed experiences
seem to start deviating at the the
stairs that go up from the second floor
to the third. And very, very few people
were actually on those stairs. I don't
know how wide the the stairways actually
were. But, stairways can actually be
really dangerous from a tactical You
don't want to get get a bunch of people
in there. It would take one guy to pull
a pin on a grenade and roll it down a
set of stairs and you're having a real
[ __ ] day.
So, you want to have enough people, but
also the minimum amount. And the way he
described it is that it they were
getting a little bit thin on bodies.
But, the
first person
saw movement, took a shot.
They went into the room.
Rob encountered Bin Laden, shot Bin
Laden,
and then essentially before
they went to the debrief and then after
that it I mean Rob said that as he was
getting ready to take pictures a guy
walked up and shot him in the face
multiple times right in front of him.
That essentially before they went down
to do the debrief, they the the people
who were on the third floor got together
and decided what they were going to
include in that and what they were going
to include in that. And again the
conversation was a while ago so I don't
know the exact specifics of it but it
was the initial shots and then the
follow-up shots from that as well from
Rob and the man who was in front of him.
Mhm. Why is shooting a enemy combatant
that's dead in the face It's a war
crime.
>> [sighs]
>> Mutilation of an enemy combatant.
>> Correct.
Yeah.
Not
not advisable.
And if you
are going to do that and I mean it's
just I heard
That stuff happens. I mean bottom line.
Um
you also sometime I mean it but there's
a difference between the way he
described it is there was an immense
amount of time
between essentially the target being
called secure which is where you can
kind of unravel a little bit from a
tactical perspective, right? You like
that call come over the radio and then
you start a process of basically
gathering as much information as you
can. That's where you get the cameras
out and you start looking for stuff and
bagging things.
>> [gasps]
>> It you know when you're clearing
you don't want to you don't want to
leave uncertainty. As if you engage
somebody you don't want to leave
uncertainty as to whether or not they're
going to resurrect themself and come So
it's and so you what you end up doing is
you inflict wounds that are incompatible
with life. So if you can put the inside
of their head on the outside of their
head, that's usually a good indication
that that problem is solved. Um there's
a difference in doing that as you are
clearing instructor and instructor and
actively engaged
and then after, you know what I mean,
after that happening.
It happens.
It's a It's a [ __ ] ugly occupation.
And it
will show you the best of who you are
and the worst of who you ever thought
you could be.
And some people get lost in that.
And you put people on the front lines
who have been sharpening their teeth for
decades
fighting the same people in the same
places.
It happens.
But Did that feel like righteous
retribution in the moment, perhaps?
Probably in the moment.
But And almost immediately regret.
I don't know if there's always regret.
Hm. Um
Sometimes I don't think there ever is.
To me, my personal opinion, and I always
speak for myself,
we need to be better than that. If we
want to be a beacon to the world,
we need to be better than that.
And that's tough.
Because it means that you need to play
by rules that other people are maybe not
going to.
You need to respect certain boundaries.
You need to play, I mean,
war fair, you know, the the
Geneva Convention, get it, totally
understand. Rules of engagement, totally
understand. Law of war, rule of war,
totally understand.
There is a lot of flexibility inside of
all of those things. You can do
everything that you need to do and be
accomplish the mission you need to and
dominate people on the battlefield
inside of those things.
Just imagine it. I mean, in a lot of
times all you have to do is flip the
coin. How would the American people
react if, let's say,
pilot in Iran,
right, we'll go to modern day, got
captured,
got killed, and then they put on the
internet a guy walking up with an AK and
unloading a magazine into his face.
That's not going to go over well. Yeah.
If we do that to other people,
often times it'll move the barrier
for what they're willing to do to us as
well. And I think that our country and
our flag needs to stand for more than
that.
Well, there's already a level of
contention over the US entering
conflicts at the moment. And
I don't know what you think this does to
how attractive military service looks at
the moment. But at least for me, you
know, in the UK for instance, you've
spent a good bit of time in the UK.
Um
there is no we would like to invite
first responders and active military
personnel to board the plane early. How
come?
Because no one gives a [ __ ] about our
military.
I've never I've flown hundreds of
flights around the UK. And they they may
have changed it now, but I've never once
heard
>> Do they have a special group that they
invite on early?
I'm fascinated now.
>> [laughter]
>> I
I don't know. Maybe your friend that
ejected himself out into liquefied,
perhaps he would get to go on first.
>> Gillian Gill, look him up now. Holy Can
he walk now?
Yeah. Okay.
>> running half marathons. Okay. I mean,
I'm not saying he's Gates good, but it
like
>> [laughter]
>> He's Gillian Gill. He's loping down.
>> A little slower. Uh yeah, did just I
said the UK doesn't revere the the
veteran community in the UK. I have no
idea what that Yeah.
>> And to me it's the sort of [ __ ] that I
just learned about in American movies.
And then since coming here,
I for instance, I once was wearing a
Black Rifle Coffee uh t-shirt and I
think it had the American flag Yeah. on
and it's a sort of um um military green
kind of color.
>> Yeah. It's really nice t-shirt. I wore
it until it was [ __ ] threadbare. And
I got on a plane and a gentleman who was
sat in one of the earliest rows said,
"Thank you for your service." to me as I
went past.
>> What did you say? I was like, I we I
[ __ ] yeah. And as I'm like being [ __ ]
conveyed belted along
>> The movies you say, "You're welcome. I
did it for you." Oh, yes, go and get it.
>> [laughter]
>> I don't know. Is it enough about stolen
valor already for the British to come
in? Not only stolen valor, it's stolen
patriotism. Holy [ __ ]
>> It's stolen passing valor. You were
being pushed over. That's correct.
>> [laughter]
>> I'm like desperately trying to like my I
needed to get my British out of the way
first so that I could apologize for him
getting it wrong. I'm like I'm so sorry
that you you you seem to be mistaken.
Allow me to say my word. Um but even
within that like it's just so there's a
a reflex response in this country.
Not always though. So my dad served in
Vietnam.
They didn't get that.
Most of my dad's generation and served
in the military they'd be the last
person to tell you that they actually
did. His experiences were completely
different than the Yeah.
Yeah. Then the modern era veteran. How
do you think he would change in the UK
though? Like let's transport 9/11. Do
you guys have twin tower Are you guys
allowed to build that high? Are you
capable of it? I think we're capable of
it. I mean look Christopher Wren
>> I thought five stories was the maximum
you could do.
>> Christopher Wren was Dude, we had the
7/7 we had the 7/7 bombings.
So what let's say it was something Okay,
what
for whatever the analogy would be if
9/11 had occurred in the UK
and the UK had responded in the way that
the US had in Afghanistan or like also
taking the fact differences in size and
all that.
Do you think it would have changed the
mentality though of the
the citizens in the UK and how they
viewed it? Perhaps. I mean I look I
Are you saying to me that the turning
point
around how the military was interpreted
and the level of warmth towards people
who were veterans was 2001. I don't know
if that was
the I don't know if I can't claim
causality but correlation certainly
existed.
>> That seems to be a for prior to then not
quite so revered after then pretty
revered. But it's Okay, so maybe it's
just recency bias for me talking that
what I know from my memory of how people
respond to
American veterans is that it's
Thank you for your service, special
dispensation,
a variety of different days and and
parades and all sorts of other stuff
with rainbow flags. And then you get
to now where
I don't know if the same thing's quite
so true. I I feel like there's a a lack
there's a dearth of Pendulum's always
swing.
And so maybe it's going back to what it
what is more typical. Perhaps that was
the aberration. Perhaps that was the
anomaly the last 30 years or so 20
years. Perhaps that was what was
strange. I would say one hears is the
anomaly. And honestly I think the
again
to go back to misconceptions. I
Sorry, please World War II. Yeah. Guys
came home.
That was a big part of the baby boom was
off the back of dudes that were just
revered by every single person who
hadn't been to war. And all of the other
people that had as well. Yeah.
I think uh
revering
a community above all others can also
become incredibly dangerous as well. It
becomes a manipulatable system, it
becomes a system that you can gain, and
then poor examples [snorts]
or expressions of that start that
pendulum going back in the other
direction. I think it's a naturally
correcting thing.
But
yeah, I think it has more to do with the
previous 20 years than anything else.
>> Mhm.
That'll be my guess.
Yeah, I would just you know
if you are
if there's the potential for boots on
the ground being needed in the Middle
East, which
every day it just how whatever low the
likelihood was or is
that likelihood increases each day. I
have absolutely no idea what is going
on. It is
pretty wild. How so?
Um
I thought
that we were in the like end the wars
phase of politics.
And uh you know, don't start any new
ones. Even the technical who are not at
war, right? Of course there's that
lovely little caveat of how the
authorized use of military force has
been completely bent by every president
that has been in office since it was
created.
Um
I don't know how well the checks and
balances are currently working.
Um I don't I don't know what the
conscription thing like registering for
the draft. I mean, there's a difference
between registering people for the draft
and then they like executing a draft.
>> Mhm.
I would actually really like to see 2
years of mandatory service for young men
and women. It would give people such a
different context on on the world around
them. As opposed to just experiencing
world through Instagram at that age,
you'd go out and just if you could leave
where you were at and go to an area that
was perhaps more impoverished or just
get it a different view of it and and
serve something bigger than yourself for
2 years, I think it would help a lot.
>> [gasps]
>> But
I mean
I don't I don't know. Um
I get really wary
when
there's no definable end state and
that's on my own experience in the
global war on terror.
I mean, we accomplished our
military objectives in Afghanistan, then
this is people way more steeped in
military knowledge and understanding
than myself in about 90 days.
We stayed for 20 years.
Our exit
probably could have been better.
We left a few things behind.
Did you see the video of like the day
after we left?
They were flying a Black Hawk with a man
hanging from his neck underneath the
rope underneath it literally the day
after.
No. Oh, yeah. Not really. We left a lot
of stuff behind. Iraq
you know
what's our definable end state? What
How long Sorry, how long ago was the
official
withdrawal? Uh 5 years? I think so,
yeah. We would have to look that one up.
My point is however long ago that was
>> [laughter]
>> I don't know. It's like you and a toxic
ex. Like you're just not able to stop
going back. All right. I She's not good
for me. She wasn't good for me for a
long time.
God, I've had a few cocktails though.
So [laughter] how many do that to send a
you up WhatsApp? You know what's wild
too is
where was it? August 30th, 2021. So not
even 5 years. And here's what's wild.
We're talking about
The talking point now is that Iran has
been our enemy for 47 years, which I'm
not going to argue. But death to America
is a thing for a certain segment of the
population and ideological belief there.
Got it.
Why are we choosing now over the 47
years? Where was people that I mean, we
had a robust for people who don't know
where Iran is. It sits in between Iraq
and Afghanistan.
We had Oreo'd that [ __ ] They were the
delicious creamy center.
>> [laughter]
>> So what is analogy is getting wild
bastard
of the US military.
But what we did is bailed
when we had an immense amount of
infrastructure there.
And now we're going to go back and I
just
Give me some Give me some metrics by
which we're measuring our if it's like
what are we using as our metric here? We
destroyed their entire anti-air system.
But we just lost two F-15s and two
A-10s. We just nuked four of our own
A-6s and the C-130s that they flew in
there on like
I thought we had air superiority. Can't
get We can't let them get a nuclear
weapon. Well, then what do we strike for
last year because the president of the
United States got up there and said we
completely annihilated their ability to
enrich uranium. But now we're saying we
can't let them get a bomb like
Were you not telling me the truth then
or you're not telling me the truth now?
Or are you never telling me the truth?
That's probably the better question for
politicians.
I just it's such
It is such
a horrific thing to ask of people to go
do those things that I wish the people
that made the decisions
to some degree I wish they had more skin
in the game. I wish they had to go with
them, which that's never going to be the
case, but We'll get back to talking in
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and modernwisdom at checkout. What's
that line about wars being chosen by old
men so that young men go out and die?
There's some Yeah, some pithy aphorism
around that. But I mean
I I think what's what's been fascinating
to me is watching the
commentariat and the supporters and the
critiques, criticizers of both sides,
like can talk themselves into knots
trying to work out what their position
is on this. People who didn't like Trump
still don't like Trump. Yeah. And have
more reason not to. Lots of people who
did like Trump also now don't like
Trump. I don't know of anybody
who has been converted over to the
support and I think this is shown in the
polls. Like he's he's had over the last
2 years, check this out Jared, I'm
pretty sure over the last 2 years what
what's happened to Trump's approval
numbers? I think he's had the fastest
decline
in approval numbers
maybe in American history. Historically
when you tell people to go [ __ ]
themselves on Easter
that may happen.
>> [laughter]
>> Or and what did he end the Easter post
with? Praise to Allah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, what the [ __ ] was going on with
that? I was over this drawing
>> me what's going on with that?
>> [laughter]
>> Over the last 2 years Trump's approval
has followed a pretty clear pattern of
modest bump then a steady decline now
persistently low and polarized. Uh 46%
approval and 43% disapproval in January
2025 which is higher than 2017.
Uh keep going down. Recent polling shows
55 to 60% so a net negative approval of
14 to 20 points.
Yeah, maybe that's not as low as I might
have thought. But I mean still not
great.
But
that's a big drop and
What was the [ __ ] I was in Australia
for this so I kind of saw it third hand.
Why why did he say the Allah thing?
I love that you're asking me
for an explanation to that.
>> [laughter]
>> He's so funny. Analyze Donald Trump for
me for a second.
Uh Oh yeah, good. There you go.
>> Psychoanalyze Right. I have a theory
about
Why Donald hate look I was at Glasses
Ty.
>> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put these Put these on
and now that you've got
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, so why did Donald Trump say
Praise to Allah?
Because we elected a
TV star to be the president of the
United States.
>> [laughter]
>> I'm going to have to I'm going to have
to condition myself to use this.
>> [laughter]
>> Uh yeah, well
I don't know what the [ __ ] um
is like what you can say the current US
administration's plan is. I don't know
if they have one.
And I think that might be the scariest
thing.
I people get so wrapped around the color
of their team's jersey and I just
I want whatever administration is in
office to do the best they possibly can
so that we all can benefit from that.
And I don't know where it it leads us
when
people forget that the goal should be
like, "Hey,
like thriving of this country." But
they'll choose alignment of their
colored jersey over like to the
exclusion.
I don't understand that. I don't know
why it got that way. I don't also don't
know how to get out of it either.
>> They'd rather their side win but the
country lose. I don't know if they would
verbalize that but their actions seem to
be in line with that.
And I don't that's not great. It really
does feel at the moment, dude, it really
does seem just like
I know own goal after own goal. And then
even inside of the Republican Party like
the whole thing that J.D. Vance ran on
was America first. Like the whole the
whole his whole philosophy was that.
>> The next Republican candidate for
president is going to have a very
interesting character trying to [ __ ]
unwind this. Well, they're going to have
to run at a time where he's still
president and answer for a lot of the
policy
>> and throwing him under the bus. Somebody
is not going to like
>> able to because I think he would cut his
own nose off despite his face when it
came that I think
>> and not support them. I think so.
>> So you've got to walk this tightrope of
and how do you do that? Well, this was
the issue that uh Kamala had, right?
Where she was being asked
>> Putting it down to a single issue or to
throw
She was being She was being asked to
under the bus Biden while still being
his VP. Yeah. And that was something
that she struggled with.
I mean, uh
something I thought about, you know, did
the Republicans win the last elections
or did the Democrats [ __ ] it up so much?
You know, like, hey, we're not even
going to let you choose which candidate
you're going to vote for, all because of
all the money we would have to give back
and not be able to fundraise with. So,
yeah, we're going to strip away your
choice and like this is the person you
got.
Get on team blue. Like, what?
What? Yeah.
What do you think about the um
the future of
mercenary organizations, of sort of guns
for hire? Increasingly, I'm seeing
Depends on who you ask. Some people are
saying it's the way forward.
Um
usually those people own those
companies, but
>> [laughter]
>> that's a tough one. I don't think you
should be able to rent the American
flag. I think it should be issued on
your uniform and that's it.
If you want to do things if the military
is not capable of doing the things that
you're filling those gaps with, then do
me a favor and restructure the military
and develop those capabilities instead
of outsourcing it because there are some
ways to cut corners
outsourcing it and paint outside of the
lines that the military isn't supposed
to be able to do, and I think that's a
dangerous thing.
I think if the military isn't serving
the role and isn't capable of doing it,
then let's solve that problem.
Because you're using this
buttress performance enhance
uh thing to And out so I mean, it
compensate. Yeah, it's uh
and there's also risk in that, too. I
mean, it the Iranian pilot as an
example. Dude, we nuked some assets to
go get that guy. Which by the way,
people complain about the price of that.
But to go back to like being issued in a
flag on your uniform and being asked to
do exceptional things, it kind of helps
to know that if [ __ ] goes sideways,
like the chariot will be lit on fire. It
might not be pointed in the right
direction. Like, you might see it go off
a cliff, but like we're going to come
and do something totally different.
>> Send more chariots until we get you. It
uh it's
that doesn't exist in the contracting
world. I mean, if you're out there and
and you're doing a contract and you
know, a kinetic contract in an
environment that is maybe
less newsworthy, but you're still I
mean, there is no like red button like,
"Hey, send everybody." It's so there's a
lot of risk involved in that as well,
too.
>> That's interesting. I didn't know that.
Well, how could there be? I mean, the
the the the C-SAR combat search and
rescue response so that was all military
based, right? I thought that there would
be something that was a part of that
ecosystem inside of it. But, I suppose
it's it's much closer to a market. It's
just a capitalist and Correct. Yeah, I
mean, they're talking probably minimum
manning at times. You know, I mean, how
many bodies do we need to be able to do
this? What can we charge? They're not
going to have like the assets that we
no pun intended, metaphorically and
literally burned to the ground, those
organizations don't have a stable of
those things to be able to do that.
>> Yeah. So,
yeah, it's
I don't like the idea of
of outsourcing military type roles,
specifically when the underlying
motivation behind it is to skirt rules
that prohibit military behaviors and
activities. What are those sorts of
rules?
Rules of engagement.
Um
meddling in affairs that the US military
is not supposed to be meddling in
because it would cross some kind of
diplomatic
>> or
Yep. legislative Yep.
Right.
I don't think we should be doing that
stuff. I think that [clears throat] gets
real murky real fast. I'm not saying
there's not a role for private military
contractors, PMC's, which are most of
those organizations.
Um
I don't think you outsourcing war is a
good idea.
But, suddenly opens up
the problem of who's got the biggest
bank balance and who can continue who
who is going to pay the most. Yeah. And
if allegiance is basically
to whoever's got the biggest paycheck.
That's a problem.
I don't know much about Bitcoin, but
There's a lot of people out there with a
lot of Bitcoin. Yeah, [laughter] yeah,
yeah. Why don't we have our own private
military contract? That'd be nice. Uh
>> Yeah.
People quit when they focus on how far
they have to go. Yeah. Where'd you learn
that?
Uh so, interestingly enough, going back
as an instructor. I was there for 18
months.
I did not want to go back. It it was
global war terror. That's a shore duty
command, non-deployable, meaning
regardless of what's going on, your job
is to be an instructor. Which if you are
in a profession of arms and arms are
being used in your profession, you're
probably going to want to be over there,
not at the schoolhouse, wiping the noses
and asses, right? We didn't actually do
that. We let them do that for
themselves, cuz they're adults.
But it ended up being the most rewarding
18 months of my entire career. I look
back on it and I learned a lot about
myself, and it gave me an incredible
understanding of the
community, and I realized it was like
the world's best laboratory
on why people quit.
Like all of this There have been so many
s- millions of dollars, and I don't have
an exact
I'm going to say it's safe to say
millions of dollars have been spent
trying to figure out who makes it
through SEAL training.
Psychological assessments, looking at
your sporting background, did you come
from a nuclear family, a broken home,
where'd you come from, socioeconomic
status, all of these things.
Pre-training programs that existed for a
couple of years. The attrition rate
just hums right along. All of this
stuff, it might have bumped it a
percentage point. And uh for people who
don't know, the attrition rate in the
summer months is about 75%, so three out
of four students aren't going to make
it. Winter months, a little bit colder,
so more exposure to the elements, 80,
maybe sometimes 90% attrition rate.
Which is winter, right? Winter Hell
Week, yes. Um, for sure. I'm I'm My
class was the last hard uh Buds class
that there ever was.
Um, documented. It's written somewhere.
Uh, probably in my handwriting, but
um
the winter the winter is just it's just
colder and the cold sucks more.
As a student, when you're going through,
you don't get a chance to talk to the
guy who is next to you who quits,
because they're gone and your training
day continues.
And especially like Hell Week, if that's
a 5-day evolution starting on Sunday and
ending on Friday,
if they're gone, most of the uh quitting
occurs between Sunday and about Tuesday
morning, they're already moved out of
the barracks. Like, you'll probably
never see them again. So, as a student,
you're just like front sight focus. As
an instructor, they're there for a
couple of weeks. They have to process
out. They get put over in a different
berthing place.
A lot of times they have uh medical
issues that they're working their way
through.
And you are around
young men who
probably a week before
you have a conversation with them would
have told you that it is their singular
goal and focus in life.
And that there's nothing that you could
have done to make them quit. And that
they were going to be there on
graduation day. And that this is the
only goal that matters to them.
And then eight to nine out of 10 of them
quit. And you can sit there and you can
talk to them about why.
And I try to be very kind uh in talking
with them, because most of the people
who have regret is the largest emotion
that this is kind of outpouring. It uh
they want to go back. It sucks. I met
students decades later or people who
have quit Buds. I'm like, "Hey, man,
I'm not trying to be a dick, but I'm
just curious, because I have a theory.
Like, how do you feel about that
decision?" Regret, every single time.
They wish they had been able to see it
through, because it leaves a really
large question mark in their life going
forward.
So, in spending time with the students,
I I would ask them, you know, "Well, why
did you quit?" And in that
kind of fragile state, they were really
honest with me. And they kept saying the
same things. There There There was a
couple categories, and one of them was
huge. The small one was
like life habit. My dad died and I got
to get the [ __ ] out of here. Like, dude,
I wish you the absolute best. You know
what I mean? Like, that's not the data
set that I'm looking for.
Injury is another one. Can't control
that because that wasn't necessarily a
consensual choice. So, boom, they're
gone. Everybody else who rang the bell.
Why'd you quit?
And they would all say the same thing. I
couldn't be as cold as I was for as long
as I thought I was going to be cold. I
would say, "Well, how
who told you how long you were going to
be cold for?" Well, nobody.
But, I told myself I couldn't be cold
for as long as I thought I was going to
have to be. We're tired. We're hungry.
We're a combination of all of those
things. Or in physical pain.
Um or it was too hard.
What they are all
expressing
is a moment where they became
overwhelmed by the situation that they
were in.
And
they started looking at
time. Literally time. How they viewed
time was the determining factor on the
decision that they made.
If they could only see where they were,
like this is the start of BUD/S first
day. Mhm.
And this is graduation. On average, 180
days. And only thing that they can see
is the the gap between my two fingers.
Dude, that's a lot. Especially on your
first day when you get your [ __ ]
absolutely kicked in. And let's say you
had a three-inch stack of
uh little notes and on the first one it
said 180. And at the end of that day,
where you're barely able to walk back to
the barracks, you rip that off and it
says 179.
How pumped are you? Not that pumped. So,
that's a person
who became the They're They're They're
They're They're creeping towards
becoming overwhelmed. Hell Week, the
same thing. Starts on a Sunday.
ends on a Friday. But if all you can see
is this gap and how far you are from
your goal,
you're getting into a really susceptible
position and a really malleable position
from an instructor state.
And
that that was literally
like that's the secret sauce. This is
the most important thing that I learned
in my entire career.
If you can identify
that that is the main reason why people
give up on their lifelong goals, you
should be able to reverse engineer that.
So, how do you do that? You think about
everything other than that. So, instead
of trying to get from here to here and
only looking at that distance, you slam
these two together. So, there is a
microscopic step that you can take and
you only focus on that step and then the
next one and the next one. And you don't
have to keep track of your steps because
as long as you keep making forward
motion, this bridge will be gaped at
some point in time.
The muscle that fails at Buds is not
below the neck. It's between the ears.
So, they focus on that distance, they
become overwhelmed when they make a
decision and they'll regret for the rest
of their life.
So, the key to that is to chunk your
goals into the most digestible piece
that you possibly can and then
consistently put those one on top of
another. Is there a difference between
stress and overwhelm?
Can somebody force you to be overwhelmed
is a better question.
I don't think so.
You can't actually And I would I would
so have some interesting conversation
with this dude. Like, "Well, instructor
so-and-so made me quit." I'm like,
"Stand by, please. I have additional
questions."
"What do you mean?" "Well, they made me
quit." I'm like, "So, they they
they
interlace fingers
like the movie Ghost where they were
doing pottery. "And they put your hand
on the bell and rang the bell?" They're
like, "No, no, no. No, man, that's not
what I'm saying.
But they were like in my face and they
weren't going away cuz they told me they
weren't going to go away
and I couldn't take anymore, so I quit."
I'm like, "Okay." And again, these are
people in a fragile state, so I'm not
like trying to have an argument with
them.
But I would try to you know maybe
reinforce a little bit like listen
that instructor facilitated an
environment for you where you became
your own worst enemy.
And you made that choice. And here's how
I know that this works.
As soon as I understood that concept
that
the view of time
was the most dangerous thing for the
student.
I gave up on all physical tools that I
had whether it was the ocean or the
watch
or food or physical exertion
then I would [snorts] just talk to
students like you and I are talking
right now. Hey dude, what's going on
man?
It's like you're having a shitty day.
This is only the first day of Hell Week
and it would be like the third but
they're already hallucinating and I had
set my watch to incorrect day and time.
How you look like you're really cold.
How long do you think you can be this
cold?
I'm on shift the next 12 hours. I'm
going to sit here with you for 12 hours.
I'm going to keep you in this water for
longer than you thought was even
possible. Huh?
And then you could see it in their eyes.
The students were like just whatever
dude, I know the game. [ __ ] off. And
then and then so what they're chunking
in that moment is just surviving the
interaction with me. And I can recognize
it too and I'm like lame, next.
Then you go to the other student and you
can you start seeing the self-doubt and
you just water
the self-doubt. It was the single most
effective tool to get people to quit
training.
Had nothing to do with anything in the
physical world.
So you can reverse engineer that.
So by reminding them
how much further they had to go. That's
all I focused on as I tried to get them
to focus on where they were and how much
more work they had to do to get to their
goal. Mhm.
It's not just going to be the next
minute.
No, I tried to get them to think of
anything but that. The kid who was
thinking about the next minute like
lame, get out of here. You're going to
be fine. Good job. And then like as
you're walking you're like good job. You
wouldn't say that of course but
>> Yeah, I think it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you outfoxed me. You saw the game
that I was trying to play.
>> Yeah, totally. Yeah.
That's I mean it it's
For clarity, for people who hearing this
to like, yes, I'm going to start doing
this and everything in my life is going
to be easy. No.
It doesn't make anything easier. It
makes it more digestible. Pain still
hurts. Suffering still sucks.
But little bites of suffering, focusing
on that little bite and not letting
yourself get overwhelmed to make an
emotionally poor decision,
that's going to make a huge trajectory
distance in your life.
Yeah, the being paralyzed by indecision
thing is something that I've been pretty
fascinated by and I know it's something
that you are too. That line, many a
wrong move was made by just standing
still. So we're seeing can do I wrote
about that too. Uh
You get ambushed. The actually the worst
thing that you can do is just stay in
place, which is a really hard one
because sometimes you find awesome rocks
to hide behind. You're like, hey dude,
get over here. This thing stops bullets.
And your body will be screaming at you,
stay behind this rock because it
currently is stopping. It's
ballistically it's cover, right? Cover
is something that stops bullets.
Concealment is something that hides you.
Both work in hide and seek. Both do not
work in a gunfight. Don't confuse the
two. I've actually seen it happen. It's
pretty gnarly.
>> [snorts]
>> Mostly it was the enemy combatants
thinking that bushes were cover. And it
was not.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay. And also I can see you because you
keep picking your head up. So like,
dude, you suck at hide and seek.
>> [laughter]
>> Um
If you stay there though,
because you're scared,
>> [snorts]
>> because you don't want to die, both of
which legitimate emotions,
and your enemy starts to come around the
corner,
it's going to be where you die. Mhm.
Your indecision and inability to control
the fear that you are experiencing and
being shot at and somebody trying to
kill you is scary.
Um it's another one of those
misconceptions people have that there's
there's this fearless nature of people
in that community, but is not my
experience. I actually don't want to
work with somebody who is fearless
because that either means you're not
paying attention or you're a sociopath
or a psychopath. Neither which are a
good model for that world.
>> [gasps]
>> So, if you just stay there because
you're scared and your enemy starts to
maneuver on you,
it's going to be where they find you.
It's actually where you're going to be
there you're going to find your dead
body.
What you actually have to do is even
knowing
that you could potentially absorb risk,
you could get hurt, you have to move and
you have to switch that on the people
that initiated the ambush on you. The
fastest way to get out of an ambush is
to either, depending on the type,
there's linear ones that look like lines
or L's, often time is to punch through
it or to flank. But that requires
movement.
That's then that's the same thing as
that indecision, right? If you're
paralyzed by indecision, you're not
going to do anything and the world is
going to continue to shift around you
and then you're even farther behind the
eight ball.
I'd rather have see people take
maybe even take a step in the wrong
direction, but get some momentum going.
Obviously, correct for your mistake as
quickly as humanly possible, but dude,
get the wheels running. Like get the
wheels spinning on the road. What are
the other traits that matter in life or
death situations that people
overestimate or underestimate? Emotional
control. As ridiculous as that is to say
because it is an emotionally scary
event, you have to be able to detach
your emotions from your decision-making
process. You have to be able to function
and that is
but
the test I administered in second phase
was a dive and test and it was 20
minutes long. You're tying a bunch of
knots in the student's gear
>> [gasps]
>> and they have to get the knots out in an
appropriate procedure. If you deviate
from procedure, you fail. We'll pull you
out of the water. You get four attempts
at the test.
So, even if you do the knots, but you do
them in the wrong way? You have if the
if at a broad level the mouthpiece that
you were breathing out of, if it is in
your mouth and I leave it in your mouth
as I tie a knot, you have to start from
the mouthpiece and work your way back.
If I rip it out and tie a knot, you have
to start all the way from your manifold
and trace it up. And some people will
just reach up and put the mouthpiece in
their mouth like dip and just it's like
filled right there. Yeah. But they can't
breathe.
And I know that because I can see the
inhale and exhale. And if you want to be
a dick instructor, you wait till all the
bubbles come out and go, "My
mouthpiece." Right?
If you don't want to be a dick
instructor and you want to teach the
students, you just tap them on the
mouthpiece cuz it's a one-to-one ratio.
This is a one-to-one test.
Tap them on the mouthpiece. Let them get
a big breath.
>> [snorts]
>> And then I take the mouthpiece and I tie
knots. And there's a variety of
different ways that you can do it. And
I'm sitting there as an instructor just
floating in a wetsuit
with a mask and snorkel on and you you
start seeing it. They start like
Like it's insane.
And it's like cool. I've been there. I
know it sucks. Are you going to follow
procedure?
And at the end of that week, if they
pass that test, you sit them down.
You're like, "For the love of God,
please do not go recreational scuba
diving cuz you guys don't know a [ __ ]
thing about it. This test had absolutely
nothing to do with diving and everything
to do with stress management and
following procedure regardless of what's
going on in the world around you." Mm.
What's drown proof?
Drown proof is uh an evolution that does
not make you drown proof at all. Plenty
of seals unfortunately have drowned.
You get introduced to that in first
phase. Um
the final evolution, which is the
picture on the front cover, is where you
have your hands tied behind your back
and your feet tied together.
And I believe this is whoo 30 years in
the rearview mirror.
You bob up and down for an hour.
You then have to transit the pool
uh
all the way to the end and then back.
After an hour? After that which
if this is one of the most relaxing Hold
on. Hold on.
What I'm about to say is not a
recommendation for people to do in their
own personal pool. Uh what I'm saying is
as a student, you can only hear them
yelling at you as your head is above
water. So, if you're comfortable
>> [laughter]
>> If you're comfortable in the water
>> if I stay down here, I can't hear Andy
shouting at me.
>> It's Yeah, well I had a bullhorn so it's
like talking in a normal voice with a
extremely high decibel level.
>> Yep. Which talking to somebody from 6 in
from their face with a bullhorn, let me
just tell you,
it's pretty fun.
Big
>> [laughter]
>> What are you thinking about right now?
There's like a
Again, generational trauma, it has to be
passed down hill cuz instructors did
that to me.
It is for an hour. I played water polo
in high school. So, for me, I was
comfortable in the water. And
although on the picture on the book,
their hands are tied, their feet are
tied. But this is also a one-to-one
ratio. Half the class is watching the
students in the water, and there are
instructors in the water for safety.
Mhm. So, You try not to kill people. We
do our absolute best, even though I will
say it is essential people die at
training from time to time, and we can
touch on that if you want to after I
describe this. But the first time they
do this, their feet aren't tied
together, and they're just holding their
fingers behind their back. It's a crawl,
walk, run approach. Then we'll use like
some Velcro, right? Or maybe just do the
legs and then the hands.
If you bob up and down, it's it's
honestly you bounce at the bottom,
take a deep breath,
>> [sighs and gasps]
>> and you slowly exhale to become
negatively buoyant, and you bounce. It's
really not that bad. The swimming isn't
that bad, either. Then you get back,
and they throw a mask into the water,
and you have to go down, bite it with
your teeth,
come up, and then bob with it for a
bunch of times, and then the test
actually ends.
>> Cuz that limits the ability for you to
breathe, or it's just a [ __ ] awkward
thing to do? I feel like it's the
latter. I have no explanation as to why,
and I think there's honestly a
somersault in there somewhere, too.
Scientifically, this isn't justified at
all. No, it's not at all. Again, this is
just a rolling rock of generational
trauma that's going down hill.
And so, that is drown-proofing.
The concept being now like, before
thriving, let's learn how to survive.
It's about control and comfort
to the best of your ability in an
environment that you can't control, and
probably shouldn't be comfortable in if
you have your feet tied together and
your hands tied behind your back. Some
people are like, "Oh, man, is is so
like, if you guys are taken hostage on a
boat, you can just go do like a dolphin
off the side and port puss out?" And I'm
like, "Uh, no. That's not what that's
for at all." So, I'm up like, it's so
crazy. And again, I didn't I didn't
understand a lot of this as a student.
I did this was just the evolution of the
day. Like, okay, cool. Let's go through
it. Let's get it done.
One of the evolutions is a 50-m
underwater swim. Like, why?
Why do we do this? Cuz it freaks people
out. Mhm. And that's exactly why we do
Is it Do you really need to be able to
do a 50-m underwater swim? I don't think
so.
I hope not. That would suck.
I don't want to do one. Mhm. But, you do
it in training cuz it scares the [ __ ]
out of the students. And it's again,
it's a one-to-one and the instructors
are doing the best they can to make you
nervous beforehand.
So, how are they doing that?
Oh,
we have many tricks and tools.
>> [clears throat]
>> What year is it? 2026? Okay, statute of
limitations has probably expired on
this. So,
we would often grab the foreign students
first. They were augmenting training.
>> [laughter]
>> Uh,
they were paid to be there by their host
country and we couldn't really get rid
of them anyway. And so, like the diving
test. When you're So, the 50-m
underwater swim is a great example.
But, the diving test or even the tread
is even better. We have scuba tanks on
your back.
You have your fins on, a weight belt on,
and you have to tread water with to the
wrist or about where the watch would be
with your hands out for 5 minutes.
>> [sighs and gasps]
>> Five or six students are going in at a
time. Everybody else is on the pool
deck, but their back is to the pool. So,
you can only hear it.
So,
if you were to grab
a sub-par performer
and they were to lose their [ __ ]
and everybody else had to hear that,
wondering what in the absolute [ __ ] was
happening, knowing that they have to go
next, thinking that they were prepared,
sounding like And then somebody sounds
like they're just like talking to a
dinosaur and then is being pulled
unconscious out of the water and being
slapped back to life by a dude with 7
years of medical school.
That's one way.
>> [laughter]
[gasps]
>> The noises
You you could just see people just like
God. And you're like God, I love my job.
It just it warms your soul like a candle
that starts a forest fire, you know.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh and what about the underwater swim?
Same thing. Just people struggle with
that. They make weird noises. What makes
them mad?
Well, only when they pass out. Of all
the evolutions in training, that is the
only one I'm aware of that if you pass
out, so you jump into the water front
somersault
Front somersaults? What's that? I don't
know. I don't know.
It well, it's just it's weird. It
interrupts cuz anybody could like run
and jump and dive and carry the
momentum, right? And it it like screws
with your ability to hold your breath
like just enough, right? Like we know
you can do this, but can you do it the
way we ask you to do it for no reason
other than we're asking you to do it.
So, you jump in
front somersault. The smart students
dive down to the bottom of the pool cuz
it compresses your lung a little bit
more. It makes it easier to hold your
breath than maybe 6 inches above the
surface. Mhm. Or below the surface.
You get the other side, you touch the
other side, you have to do another
[ __ ] front flip.
And I think this just so you can't push
off actually now that I think about it.
>> Mhm.
You start coming back. This is also a
one-to-one instructor ratio. So, anytime
it's one-to-one, it's considered more
high risk. This is the only evolution
that I'm aware of that as you are if you
can
stay down there and do like this last
Herculean breaststroke in your forward
momentum, your head touches the wall as
you are unconscious, we will pull you
out and you go to the pass line.
But the noises that students make when
they come out of the water
I don't know how to describe it. And
it's it's like a drunk elephant
trumpeting or a blue whale surfacing.
Is he trying to get water out of them?
No, because they're just unconscious.
They're only unconscious for a few
seconds.
>> Right. BUT THEY'RE JUST LIKE
AND MEANWHILE, ALL THE OTHER STUDENTS
ARE JUST LIKE, "OH MY GOD."
>> [laughter]
>> It's wild. And yeah, cuz people are
like, "Oh man, they make you hold your
breath in training until you pass out,
right?" Like, no. Actually, in every
ever ever evolution in the water, if you
pass out, you're going to fail for not
following procedure. Because there's a
hand signal you can put out if you need
us come down and get you. But does that
not mean you fail, too?
It means you fail. So, but that if you
get to that point, it it means you
either didn't follow procedure
or you didn't control your You know what
I mean? Like, something went awry, and
that's why you don't get just one and
done. You get four attempts at the test.
Most people pass it on their third
attempt. The diving test that I
administer. Oh, okay. Yeah. You get two
attempts on one day and two attempts on
the next day. Right. With a really
probably great night's sleep.
>> That's [ __ ] rough that you have to
know that you've got to go back and do
it again.
As somebody who passed it on their third
try, you don't sleep very much. It
sucks.
And then, that night, I slept way
better.
But
to go back to chunking, the reason I
failed the first two times, the first
time I remember Cubs 30 years ago, I
remember there's a knot where your head
can get turned to the side, and it's
just an exhalation
knot, meaning you can still inhale and
get air, but your head is crimped to the
side, and you can't blow It's a
regulator much like Jacques Cousteau
would dive with. It's two rubber hoses
that come to a bit essentially. So, your
head is yanked to the left, and all you
have to do is breathe out of your nose.
Mhm.
But down there, you're like freaking out
because this happens within 30 seconds
of starting, and a little bit of water
is coming into your mouthpiece, too,
because your head is to the back.
And I remember the first time that
happened to me, I started thinking about
the exact thing I was telling myself, "I
can't do this for 20 minutes."
All I started thinking about was the gap
in between the two. Same thing on the
second test. By the time I got in the in
the third one, the only thing I was
thinking about was the problem that was
introduced at that time, which again was
the head yanked to the left. Like
whatever, no problem. Just went back to
crawling, meaning as the student you
accept the malfunction. It's not a
critical malfunction, you're ready to
continue with the test. I'm like,
why didn't I just do this the first
time?
And that that's the only thing I changed
was I was like, one problem at a time,
we're going to work it, and that's the
only thing that exists in my life is
that one problem at a time.
Why is it important to have a proper
attrition rate for people to actually
die?
Because the job is very dangerous, and
I'm not I don't want people to die, but
if nobody ever died in training, you are
not training hard enough.
The training has to be a reverse
engineering
downstream
real-world requirements of the job that
you are expected to do, and it is a
dangerous job. You cannot prepare for
that
by avoiding danger in training. Except
no one ever died, there wouldn't be
anything on the line. Ultimately, there
wouldn't be a sufficient risk for the
guys to know that this is pushing it
hard enough.
>> There's a reason to fear it. Yep. You
wouldn't be pushing hard enough.
What's the most common way that people
die?
Drowning? Uh that is not uncommon. I
think well, the last one I think in the
pool was somebody who uh vomited and
then aspirated it while they were
underwater.
Um
The last student to die in training was
post-Hell
Week.
Um and I don't remember the exact
medical term, but it was fluid into the
lungs.
Uh and then yeah, he made it to the
hospital, but still expire.
It's a You You are destroyed at the end
of Hell Week. It's the only week
afterwards where they let you walk in
tennis shoes.
Be I mean, you're like you're wearing
life jacket. Like you are
Sand is abrasive. For people who didn't
know this, imagine it's basically
wearing sandpaper for a week because
you're wet and sandy the entire time.
It does things to the body. Uh and yeah,
you're just absolutely destroyed, and
most people are nursing an injury anyway
uh throughout training, but
yeah, that one [snorts] gets you.
What role do you think hardship plays in
people's lives?
I'm at a place now as I'm getting closer
to 50 than 40 that I actually think the
pursuit of an easy life is a mistake. I
think that the grind
is actually what life is all about. It's
It's not a matter of whether you're
going to have a a hard life or an easy
life. It's the
ability your ability to determine how
well that you can suffer along the way
and try and to enjoy the journey.
Okay. So, as somebody that has either
endured or dolled out quite a bit of
suffering,
how do people deal with suffering more
effectively?
First by acknowledging that sometimes
the answer is you are going to suffer
instead of looking for a way to avoid it
altogether. You know, you don't have to
nerf all the corners on tables. Maybe
you shouldn't. Maybe it's okay to
bang your knee every once in a while in
the middle of the night. So, I think
it's actually starts with accepting that
if you really want to accomplish
something in your life, there's no hack
to hard work.
I I think you should hack as many like
for efficiencies like hack your Gmail
inbox, but totally go to town. Hack your
business systems.
There's no
there is no substitute for hard work.
Do you have anything in your life that
was truly given to you that you didn't
work for at all that you except you have
right? And then I look at the things
that I worked the hardest for and the
goals that I set where I'm like, "Am I
out of my mind? Like can I actually do
this?"
That's the stuff that I value the most.
And then I'm trying to trying to
emphasis on this, learn how to enjoy
that journey more.
Because it's hard.
And enjoying hard things is it's
difficult.
What gets in the way of enjoying it?
Usually just myself.
You know, I I'm my biggest enemy
throughout my entire life has been
myself. You know, waking up knowing your
day is going to be difficult or more
difficult or choosing to have it be more
difficult to do the hard work up front
so maybe you can enjoy it easier day
later in the week. It's not a keynote.
It's challenging. I think that's what
people struggle. That's where I
struggle.
Strange to think that as you get older,
you try to make things harder not
easier.
Yeah, and my goal in life for sure up
until let's say exceptionally recently
was let's make things as easy as
possible.
Everybody's searching for that. Then you
just and it, you know, you realize that
all the stuff that you got easy
just doesn't matter.
It's the stuff that sucks, especially if
you can share that with your friends.
That's the biggest thing I would say I
probably miss about the community is
that
we would do the dumbest, most painful
[ __ ] ever and laugh about it while we
were doing it.
Because you're doing it with somebody
else.
>> Yeah, totally.
It would suck by yourself. I mean you
could do it, but
watching somebody else suffer with you
and finding joy in that, yeah.
If you could take one lesson from the
SEAL teams and force every young man to
learn it, what would it be?
Choose.
One lesson.
Be cautious.
And make sure you know what you're
willing to die for cuz not everything's
worth it.
Say more.
Many times in my life the things that I
thought were the most important ended up
being inconsequential
because I didn't put enough thought or
time and effort into understanding why I
wanted to do them.
And killing yourself and sacrificing
everything in your life and trying to
achieve that, you might get it at the
end of the day and be the most hollow
shell of a human being known to man.
And how do you do that assessment
without having to go through it?
I think you have to slow down a little
bit.
We seem to be in a world where speed is
one of the most important metrics and I
think
that's important at times,
but do all decisions have to be made in
a moment's notice? But for me, it's one
of the things I really Like, if your
house is on fire, get the [ __ ] out of
your house, right?
If
your house isn't on fire, and you have
time to make a decision,
think about the decision. Think about
your available options, and make the
most educated one at the time, and then
on that journey,
keep asking yourself, is this I mean,
like, reinforcing it along the way as
opposed to just one decision, and then
you're full back dive straight ahead.
Mhm.
I don't think you can get to that point
there without making some mistakes on
your own. Like, people always ask me,
"What would you say to your younger
self?" The truly honest answer is, "Buy
Bitcoin, you dipshit." Yes. Buy Bitcoin
and do 531. That's it.
But here's the problem, though. If I was
18, and my 48-year-old self went back,
I'd be like, "Shut up, dude. I got this
figured out."
>> [laughter]
>> All right, granddad, sit down.
>> Yeah, totally. Pretty sure I'm likely to
invest in new cars.
Uh Yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> I like to buy high and sell low. It's
not a big deal. It's a new investment
strategy.
Yeah, um I I wouldn't have listened to
myself, but
I also probably
would not remove the mistakes.
I wouldn't remove
some key mistakes in my life just to
make sure
that I learned the lesson from them.
>> Mhm.
I would remove some, for sure, because
they were underneath this, you know,
pain and suffering, and don't worry, I
made They were repeats of mistakes that
I was already making. Yeah.
But you have to have those mistakes. The
fascinating thing about the question,
"What would you tell your younger self?
What advice would you give to your
younger self?" If you answer that,
it is almost always the exact advice
that you need to hear right now. For him
the same way that you've got the same
feet that you did 30 years ago, you have
the same patterns, the same fears, the
same coping mechanisms, the same
responses when things become stressful
or overwhelming.
And
that means that you're going to be
driven by those unconscious
unalchemized trends. Those are going to
be the things. They're going to be
the [snorts] [ __ ] that you dealt with
when you were 18 and you got cut from
the baseball team or the way that your
first breakup felt and how you coped
with it after that.
For the most part, those are going to be
the dynamics that are going to drive the
rest of your life, too. So, anything
about So, for me, it would be feel less.
Like, just stop [ __ ] fearing so much,
dude. What do you fear the most?
Not doing it right, not getting it
right. What do you use as your yardstick
for that, though? No, it's totally
superfluous
ethereal [ __ ] fluffy big cloud of
like something going wrong. Things will
go wrong and you'll be in the wrong and
something will be taken away from you. I
don't know what, I don't know by who.
But not doing it right, not getting it
right, not being enough. I don't know
who for or why. All that's going to
happen, though.
Of course.
So, isn't the juice then in just
preparing yourself for that and working
your way through And then overcoming it.
Yeah, of course, which I've done
throughout my entire life. But they
>> the judge of that, sir.
Yeah, yeah. [laughter]
Interestingly, we have a we have a pool
and a bunch of knots for you to get
stuck into after this.
Um
you know, all of the things everybody
that's listening, whatever the
challenges that you thought was going to
destroy you by virtue of the fact that
you're listening to this, it hasn't. Can
I add one thing to that, too? And this
is one thing that I wish I know people
hear this, but they don't believe me.
Whatever it is you think you're going
through,
please do not convince yourself that you
are the only one struggling with it. My
god.
If COVID taught us anything,
that it should be that isolation
or even perceived isolation is one of
the most damaging things to the human
brain.
We are every person I've ever met in my
life is more defined by their
similarities than by their differences
and that
it is so unfortunate
against statistically the world that I
come from has a much higher suicide rate
than many other occupational fields.
And for those that have chosen to leave
things behind often times there are deep
sentiments of being isolated and alone
and feeling like they were dealing with
something
that nobody else would or was or that
nobody else would understand and it's
not true.
You You can't Nobody knows what's going
on behind your eyes, right? Like We I
guarantee you and I are probably
spend our mental bandwidth worrying
about the vast majority of the same
[ __ ] But in my mind I'm like cutting my
nails. But I Who Who could I possibly
talk to about this cuz I'm the only one
on Earth dealing with this and the
reality is almost everybody is. So we
lie to ourselves, you isolate, you don't
say anything and it ends up getting
worse. And it's interesting you said um
I don't think that I can do the thing
that I need to do for as long as is
going to be required of me.
And that's not too dissimilar to one of
the most common thoughts that people
have before taking their own lives,
which is that the world would be better
off without me. Or I can't take this
anymore. The people around me will be
better off without me and I can't
continue. Yeah. Uh and it's the
combination of those two things. It's
the isolation that's in there too. You
know that
wonderful line, "The feeling of being
alone is one of the most dangerous lies
we tell ourselves." I have never asked
for help and not received it. Mhm. And I
have been
like in tears
overwhelmed with the number of people
who saw that I needed help
but didn't say anything cuz they were
waiting for me to ask.
Mhm.
Well, this is a curse of being competent
in the sort of people that listen to
this show and read books like yours
that the kinds of people who usually in
their friend group are the ones that
have
got it figured out. You know, they
they're the ones that are working on
their diet, they're thinking about their
sleep pattern, they're reading and doing
meditation, they're they're everything
maxing. Like Thor. He You know, he he
did he didn't he just genetics maxed.
And um
what that means is that if you're the
friend that always seems like you've got
your life sorted,
people tend to not want to come to your
aid because oh [ __ ] like, you know,
Andy's the guy that that I go to. Like,
who am I Who am I Who am I to help
the him? Like, he's got he's got it
sorted. Like, he's not he's not on me.
Like, he's it's going to be
embarrassing. It's going to be whatever.
And um it's a weird inversion of things
that are good of of
There're lots of ways that competence is
great, but this is one of the ways where
competence can hold you back. And uh
Yeah, I think it's
It goes back to the misconceptions about
special operations.
Defined
by their competence.
The country calls upon that community to
solve problems when they can't figure
out another solution. And by the way,
they're not looking for a negative
result. They're looking for success.
I wrote this essay. This
came to me when you were talking about
the fact that you stayed in a a marriage
for longer than you should have done and
that you'd used a skill
that had got you a lot of accolade
in your military career, but it had
damaged you when it came to your
relationship.
The curse of psychological strength.
Everyone has a limit.
An end to the amount of discomfort that
they can cope with. This is obvious
physically. Some people can lift more
and run further than others.
But how much emotional pain, upset, or
disappointment a person can endure is
subtler and harder to detect. It's not
apparent in the size of someone's arms,
but the capacity of their nervous
system. It's not a weight that you can
see on squat rack. It's their ability to
carry a heavy emotional load. This
psychological strength can be a good
thing.
You're able to handle more than most.
You don't bulk at pain. You keep pushing
through regardless of how you feel.
But too much strength can be a weakness.
High performers are particularly
vulnerable to this trap. Psychological
strength is rewarded almost everywhere.
In the gym it's discipline, in business
it's grit, in public it's composure. You
become person who can handle it, who
doesn't complain, who pushes through and
others don't quit. Your ability to
ignore how you feel and keep moving
forward earns admiration, builds your
career, and creates momentum.
But what you are praised for in public,
you often pay for in private. Oof.
Relationships don't reward endurance,
they require attunement. If your default
strategy in life is to absorb discomfort
and override warning signs, you will do
exactly that when someone repeatedly
hurts you. You'll rationalize it,
reframe it, decide it's your job to make
it work. And the stronger you are, the
longer you can stay.
What looks like strength from the
outside becomes self-abandonment on the
inside. You've trained yourself to
believe that struggle is noble and
difficulty is meaningful. So when love
feels destabilizing, it doesn't register
as a warning, it feels like a challenge.
And challenges are your thing.
But a relationship isn't a marathon to
be endured, it's a place to feel safe.
The qualities that make you formidable
in the arena can quietly make you
miserable in your own living room.
Let's say that you're dating when you
feel like a side character in your own
relationship. You put them first and
they put you sixth. The rupture is
regular and the repair is absent. Lower
resilience, less stubborn people, would
have broken long ago and said, "I'm
out." But not you. You're the Jocko
Willink of psychological suffering.
Forget carrying the boats, you'll carry
the whole fleet forever.
In these situations, you're faced with a
much tougher problem. Not how much can
you tolerate,
but how much do you want to tolerate?
Perhaps this is what you had to do as a
child. If your needs weren't noticed,
your sadness was ignored, and your
feelings didn't matter, then you become
accustomed to pushing through
disconnection in order to make those
relationships function.
If child you learns
I need to work hard to be loved, then
adult you believes, "If I am not loved,
I just need to work harder."
You've achieved 10,000 hours of ignoring
your own needs. You can't tell people
how you feel without first worrying
about how it'll make them feel. You
unconsciously believe that suffering is
the price of connection, and that silent
subjugation is noble.
You basically think, "I should be able
to tolerate the intolerable in order to
make this work."
What inspires you to write that?
Thinking about some of the ways that I'd
denied myself
uh prioritization. That
I'd pushed through discomfort because I
could.
Because
almost everything that was valuable in
life had come on the other side of
working hard and going through
difficulty. So, there's just this
implicit belief that, "Well,
if something's hard, that must mean that
there's something valuable on the other
side of it." But, there is such a thing
as kind of pointless suffering.
Yeah.
It made me think It made me think about
Yeah, the curse of psychological
strength. It made me think about what
you were saying.
Sounded very self-reflective as you were
writing it. Massive. Massively. I mean,
I could have easily
You use You have a better grasp on the
English language than I do, probably cuz
you guys You guys don't use it properly.
I think you guys might Kind of invented
it. Yeah.
So, yeah. No, that's uh Say more.
>> [laughter]
>> It's good, man. That's I can hear uh
a startling amount of myself Yeah. in
that.
It's tough.
Yeah.
What people see from the outside isn't
always what's going on on the inside. I
like that line, you know, what what you
are praised for in public, you pay for
in private. And uh it's one of the
reasons why when you look at anybody
that's a high performer or somebody
that's in seals or you know, whatever.
Uh
anybody that's got unusual results
typically has unusual inputs and unusual
environment internally, too. Mhm. You
know,
normal people get normal results. Weird
people get weird results.
And the most successful popular in the
world
you shouldn't your first response
shouldn't necessarily be envy. A lot of
the time it should be pity.
Like what happened to you that caused
you to do that to yourself? Or at what
cost? Yeah. Yeah. What did you have to
go through in order to get that? Man,
that message is so not
put out there.
That be careful what you wish for and
you know, envy may not be the first
thing that you cross your mind when you
see somebody who has something you want.
It's the It's the question that I've
been most fascinated by on the show for
probably about 5 years now.
Unfortunately, it's an anti-meme. It's
If you tell people that
the view from the top of the mountain
that they are still climbing maybe might
not be worth the rest of the journey, it
feels to them like you're sucking the
oxygen out of the fuel tank.
Because it is
it is
[ __ ] your feelings, just work harder,
you will get there and glory is waiting
for you.
The total addressable market for that is
99.999%
of people.
The people who get there or got close to
the top and said, "I I I think this is a
false peak. I don't think that what's up
there is going to be worth it." Or they
got there and said, "No." There's a very
small number of people who got there and
went, "Ah, it's two mountains. That's
the problem." As opposed to this entire
game is kind of rigged against me and I
actually need to look deeper. I'm not
going to fill an internal void with
external accolades, etc., etc., etc.
It's an anti-meme. It's an anti-meme and
it is always going to lose to a much
more simplistic No, no, no, it's just
more. The answer is more. You should
push for more. Yeah. Uh well, especially
in a society that celebrates more.
It's radical to say that you're
satisfied. The most radical thing that
you can do in a meritocracy that's
capitalist is say,
"I'm good."
It's to be in Montana as opposed to
downtown New York City. It's to I'm
I kind of like my life. It's kind of
enough for me.
>> And uh
Yeah, dude, it's it's it's [ __ ]
fascinating. And what's more fascinating
to me is how many guys have come out of
special operations and uh
turned their hand And there's still
always the [ __ ] Glenn in your guys's
eyes, the little Yeah, that one.
>> What do you need? The You want me to do
more?
>> [laughter]
>> And instead you got to pin me down after
we finish up, which actually is my
request. Um
it's the the the turn to [ __ ] like I
really did a lot
physically, kind of in these three
dimensions, and then, you know, this
is
you trying to turn that mirror around, I
guess, on yourself and then start to
show it to other people, too.
>> [sighs]
>> The most common thing people say to me
when they find out about my background,
they'll say,
"First off, dude,
you must be crazy." So, I I skip that
part of it.
But they'll say, "Those experiences must
have been like unbelievable."
And the reality is, they were.
And they are statistically out of reach
for almost everybody. Mhm.
But if I end up
doing nothing with that, and only only
impacts my life, and I'm on my deathbed,
I will regret not doing something with
that. And I think that there is a way
to take those experiences
and package them in a way
that can help people. Because at this
point in my life
all I really actually want to do
is make the world a little bit better
than it was when I came into it. Like
that's literally
Money is cool. I like nice things as
well too, but I'm also at the point in
my life like, "Okay, I get it. Like I
might want the nice thing, but there's
no actual happiness from the nice
thing."
Teaching [clears throat] somebody
something or giving them a tool that
they can use to just attack a problem in
their life,
that's [ __ ] awesome. And it is so
much more rewarding than a thing you
write a check for.
And that's what I'm trying to do with
that is to take experiences and tools
and lessons that people think they don't
have access to. And I'll And I will be
honest with this too. You can learn or
be exposed to those lessons in organized
sports. It's not like the military
There's no unique creations inside of
the military. Yeah, a lot of things are
reinforced to a higher degree because
the consequences of the environment
can get pretty gnarly pretty quick. But
if things work in that pressure cooker
environment, you're telling me that
they're not going to work in your
personal and professional life. They'll
help you just crush whatever it is that
you're trying to do. And that's
I resisted writing something for many
years.
One because I talked so much [ __ ] about
other guys who were SEALs that wrote
books and now I'm well deserved and
deserving of the other people who are
talking [ __ ] on me.
But um
I just
I want to try to take those to create
tools to give people a foundation
and a framework to throw it at whatever
it is is going on in their life.
So
that they can maybe
suffer better. I don't know if that's a
great way to put it, but just to attack
whatever it is is going on in their
life. Suffer better is a wonderful
tagline, dude. If the world went
completely sideways from a zombie virus
outbreak, we had to put together a
militia to save the human race, Andy
Stumpf would be my top draft pick. Can
you imagine how [ __ ] the rest of the
militia would be?
Oh, exceptionally. You're the first guy.
Yeah. At the tip of the spear. Well, at
the base of the shaft, bro. Ah, of
course. [laughter]
Andy, you're a [ __ ] legend, dude. I
appreciate the hell out of you.
Congratulations on this. It's awesome.
You worked real hard on it.
Yeah, it's uh
I don't know if you get emails like
this. I'm sure you do.
Because the internet's a weird place,
right? We hit upload and I don't know
where anything goes. And
your platform is massive and I could not
be more proud for what you have built.
Thank you.
But I bet you get emails from people
that you'll never meet and they say,
"You know what? Something I heard you
say or a guest say changed the course
and trajectory
of my life." And that is
I don't I save those emails. I have a I
have a folder, but a dozen people have
reached out and said they'd chose not to
kill themselves because of something
they heard on the podcast.
Books are measured by best-seller lists.
[ __ ] all that.
I want to hear about people who changed
the course of their life because of
something they got from a place that
they never thought that they would have
access to. Mhm.
They picked this up and realized
holy [ __ ]
we are way more similar.
And I can use this and I will use it.
And you're still going to make mistakes
and I hope you do cuz you need them.
But it'll help you suffer better.
[ __ ] yeah. Dude, you're awesome.
You're awesome. Congratulations. Thank
you, man. Appreciate it. All right.
Goodbye, everybody.
Dude, let's [ __ ] go. So good.
>> [laughter]
>> Unreal. Unreal.
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