Nintendo Switch 2 Has a BIG Problem...

Oh, this Switch 2 makes me moist. Because Picopia is underwater now. What did you think I meant? Speaking of barely treading water, you see what they're saying about the Switch 2 lately? Oh, it's not looking good, guys. The quarterly sales figures just dropped, and IGN let us know that the Switch 2 sales are down over a third from the explosive launch it had this time a year ago. Numbers. I mean, we were having such a good time with this thing. So, to see it absolutely failing abysmally and horribly and being doomed Oh, but the Oh, but the worst part is developers, man. They just keep releasing [music] new games on this thing. Don't they know? Don't they know it's over? Thank you all for joining me. We're gathered here today to mourn the Nintendo Switch 2. It lived for barely over a year, but unfortunately, it's only managed to sell another 3.8 million consoles this quarter, bringing its lifetime sales to 23.68 million? Wait a second. YOU'RE ALIVE AND WELL. BOLT YOU, SUCKER. NOW, PLAY ME. Play me hard. Ew. Seriously, though, something has happened with the Switch 2 recently. About a year ago, I didn't really know what I was supposed to play or talk about on this thing. And now, all of a sudden, I have so many games that I couldn't possibly make a full video on each one. So, today, I'm going to review all of the games that I've been playing and see if we can finally answer the question, why is the Switch 2 dead? That's what IGN said, right? I mean, words to that effect. Which is why my Switch 2 Oh, I feel like I'm in one those old infomercials. All in black and white juggling a bunch of cords. Thankfully, this video was sponsored by Ugreen and their Nexo Pro 160 watt charger. It's pretty sick and you want to know why? We can just plug this directly in. ONE. YOU know how excited I am for this? Also, there's a six screen on it. Oh, and this retractable Look how nice this is. You can stop it at any length that you want as well. It goes all the way out to here. This charger delivers up to 140 watts from the retractable cable or USB-C one port and 160 watts total. And something I really like and I like this screen. It shows you all four things that you've plugged in, what you're charging and the total watts it's drawing. There's a bunch of other like information here that I don't even understand. I don't know what you're thinking. Oh, that's cool. I'm going to buy one using your link in the description, but whatever I guess. Well, no, not just whatever I guess because you can also connect it to an app. So, you can monitor what's charging. You can change power settings, screen brightness, themes. And if you're like me and you need more, this is the 300 watt desktop charger. It's got six USB-C ports on the front and another one on the side. Huge thank you to Ugreen for sponsoring this video. I will leave links down below to both of these products. As we go along this video today, I will be live predicting the Nintendo Switch 2 survivability probability. And as you can see right now, we're at a very healthy leak. 0%. But don't worry because our first game that we're looking at today isn't actually a game, it's DLC. But it's Baktopia DLC. I'm actually I actually am very excited to talk about this. You guys know me, I'm a dirty little Baktopia. I love it. It's by far my favorite Switch 2 game and screw you if you don't think so. Go play Knockout Tour for the 20,000th time. I bet that's been fun. Where's your DLC? Speaking of Mario Kart, have you seen they have it in VR now? That's sick. If this video gets 26 likes, I'll play that on the channel. I love this bubbly basin DLC, Pupper Goppia. For a lot of reasons, but the main one is you can fly now. Yes, I I know it's technically swimming. Shut up. In the main game, building or breaking anything more than three blocks high is just a pain. And I know late game you unlock the Magneto ability, but let's just be honest with ourselves. Nah. Also, I thought that was an X-Man. I always thought while playing the main game it would be so much easier if I could just reach. If I could just fly up there and do it real quick. And in bubbly basin, you can essentially do that. >> [laughter] >> You can just swim up. You don't have to change form constantly and switch back and hit B and have it ask you, "Do you want to change back into a human?" Well, yes, I want to change back into the Magneto. That's stupid. It's not stupid. It's a fun game, but it was really annoying and cumbersome and this is way easier. It's essentially flying. I'm having so much more fun exploring and building and creating in this mode for that reason alone. This DLC is huge, by the way. It's It's over It's an overwhelming DLC. You know how my main video was just me being overwhelmed and not knowing how to even review or talk about the game. I shouldn't be surprised that the DLC is as jam-packed filled with new stuff. There's this place and there's this place and then there's also over here. Move over. What a surprise. I'm a water whirly girly now. I have had so many people since Pupper Goppia launched ask me in my real life, like my friend Kip the other day, "What do you actually do in that game?" And I don't know. I never know. I started explaining like, "You have to get Pokémon and then each one has a habitat. You got to find the habitat." And he's like, "Well, what do you actually do?" And I'm like, "I you you build them houses." And I'm like, "Yeah, but what what is the game?" AND I'M LIKE, "I DON'T IT'S EVERYTHING EVERYTHING all the time all at once. I'm trying my best to explain." But we don't have the time. It's already 9:00 p.m. and I want to go to bed. I can't start an explanation now. And that's before we get into how much content Poképia 2.0 update added into this sucker. Like obviously you have the dive ability where now you can go underwater, build underwater not only in this new town but in the entire game. But they also added this. Why are you not more excited? Do you know what this is? This is a storage container that's a portal. WHICH MEANS I CAN ACCESS MY STUFF FROM ANYWHERE IN THE GAME. Now I am actually moist and not because I'm underwater. The update patch list also had all of this stuff which I'm not I don't have the I don't know Google [music] it. It's there's so much. And the new DLC even added treasure [music] maps. >> [laughter] >> What am I a pirate? This reminds me of Assassin's CREED 4 BUT >> [cheering] >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT, WELL THAT WAS UNEXPECTED. DIVING back into Poképia for this new DLC after a month or two of not playing just reminded me how much I love this game. And it is truly I believe my favorite Switch 2 [music] exclusive. And this is just DLC part one. I would pay $34.99 just for this. And there's still two more parts. In fact, Game Freak can you scrap those? I really I mean I don't have time. I'm good. We're good. That's enough. But surely this, if anything, must increase the Nintendo Switch 2 survivability probability rating by a lot. So, let's check in with our meter. >> [screaming] >> Really? I guess IGM was right after all. The Nintendo Switch 2 really is doomed. >> Damn you, IGM. >> What about Big Walk? If you're a fan of co-op games or Breath of the Wild or just having a silly, wacky, goofy little time, I really recommend Big Walk. And I also really recommend buying it anywhere other than Nintendo Switch 2, but we'll get to that. We'll circle back around. We'll put a pin in it. Wait for it. We'll get there. Big Walk was developed by Untitled Goose Game developers House House, which coincidentally is both my favorite TV show and where I'm standing right now. The premise is simple. There is one massive open world and you explore with friends. You can play with up to 12 of them. And now, if you're thinking to yourself, "Oh, my one weakness, being likable." I have good news for you. You can play it with up to 12. You can also play it with only two people. So, if you're still thinking to yourself, I would suggest maybe going outside for a real Big Walk. I suggest a shower could help. This is, honestly, one of the best gaming experiences I have ever had. For something so simple, it's also so fresh and unique. There's a sense of wonder while exploring this game because everything is new and you don't know what anything does or where you're going or where you are. But you're figuring it all out with your friends while laughing and [music] talking and just hanging out. And I feel like somewhere in all of that, there's a metaphor for life. But, I'm not smart enough to figure it out. >> Early on, you'll find a big tower, and on top you have these slots where you put things that essentially act as keys. And you'll also find puzzles everywhere around the world. And when you solve them, you get one of these keys. The puzzles can be as simple as just shooting hoops with your friends. Or, they can be as complicated as four separate rooms that once you and your friends lock yourselves inside, the only way of communicating is with a one-way radio that only connects to one of the other rooms, but that room can't reply to you, but one of the other rooms can talk to you, but you can't talk to them, and somehow you have to all coordinate to figure out this puzzle on the wall. Are you following me, camera guy? >> Does anybody Can anyone tell me anything? >> Can you hear me? Who hears me? I'm room four. Hello? Does room one hear me? >> Yes, Jordan, I hear you in room one. >> [screaming] >> Okay. All right. I guess Jordan can't hear me. I can just hear Jordan. >> Rick, can you hear me? >> Yes. Yes, I can. Yes, I can hear you, Jordan, but I think you can't hear me. >> Who can hear me? >> [screaming] >> Oh, wait. Oh, yes. >> [laughter] >> God, this is so confusing. Okay, I get it. I get it. I get it. I do get it. So, Bob can hear me, but he can't talk to me to tell me that he can hear me. All right, I'm dumb. I get it now. I'm dumb. >> I can't explain the feeling of playing this game. You just have to do it. It's so organically fun, and everyone's adventure is going to look a little different. Because, just like in Breath of the Wild, you can go anywhere and do anything right from the start. I don't want to share too many of the puzzles or talk about the game too much, cuz I don't want to ruin the experience for you. But, one that I will say is Scoop, Bob, and I, we found this box with numbers on it. And after being a little confuddled by it for a while, we realized Wait. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Uh does is the number changing? >> Yes. Yes. It's It's It must be like >> Yes. >> They're coordinates. >> So, I strapped the box to my back. >> So, you got to tell me is the number going up or down right now? >> Yeah, this is good. This is good. >> And this was unironically an actual very big walk. We were walking in the direction of these coordinates for about 20 minutes, and the payoff of finally getting there >> [laughter] >> And it just it makes you feel so smart. And that's the best part about it, because it's just like in life how No, I still can't do it. The game's not about graphics. However, well, visuals aren't important to a fun gameplay experience. Sometimes frame rates are, and for whatever reason the frame rates for this game on Switch 2 are just kind of bulked. For lack of a better word. You better bring some chips, cuz we got dip. The other problem with playing on Switch 2 is this game relies heavily on proximity chat. My friends and I were going to get this game on Switch 2 when we realized that, we decided to buy it on PC to have nice crisp audio. I also regret telling Bob that I was going to share this conversation as proof for the video, because then he said penis a bunch. Our friend Knight decided to grab the Switch 2 version and cross play in, and his mic sounded about as crystal clear as a Texas lake. >> Yeah, I sat in the lake. I don't know if he's in the room or not. >> Knight, you don't even sound like yourself. That mic is so bad. Is that someone's microphone, or is that >> That's how the game sounds. That's That's That's an activity. >> That's the It's this person. Who is this? >> It's that guy. Is that actually mine? >> Yeah. All right, big walk. Show me big money. Big money, big money on the survivability rating. Now, that makes sense, I guess. I did literally say don't buy it on Switch too. Oh, I know. No, I I have a great one actually. I think it's going to blow this rating out of the water and I ain't lying. Yeah, that Okay, I get it. You're You're not laughing because you don't understand the joke. Once you hear the name of the game, you're going to get it. Lies of P. I should have done the joke second. I love this game and I know I've said that about all the games so far and I probably wouldn't be talking about these games if I didn't love them, but I really do and I want to clarify it. I'm a real boy. I don't know why my voice was getting so high. I fell in love with this game back when I reviewed the Lenovo Legion Go S2 Extreme Plus. I don't know. I don't remember. I was just so amazed with how fun the game was, but also just how well it was performing and looking on that handheld PC and I got to tell you the game still fun and it's also looking and performing on this handheld handheld. It's great and I ain't lying. >> [laughter] >> See, you get the joke now. The P stands for Pinocchio and it's based on the 1883 book. I mean, it's like a dark and twisted version of it. Sure, baked into a Souls-like game. I think by far my favorite part of the game is just the art direction. I love the character outfits. [music] I love the gothic architecture. I love the enemy designs, the intricate puppets. I mean, heck, even the loading bar is Pinocchio's nose. It grows as it loads. It even says now lying. Lies of P is by far my favorite Souls-inspired video game that I [music] have ever played and if you've been asking for Bloodborne to come to the Switch or Switch 2 for a while and you don't buy this game, you're a hypocrite and I don't want to hear your excuses. Oh, the game's $70, and that's really expensive, and I got to buy food for my family and pay our bills. No, okay. Well, that's actually fine. You should probably do that. $70 is very expensive. I don't know what they were thinking here. I wouldn't blame you if you would want to wait for the physical that comes out in October. It was a limited release, but you can still get it on GameStop's website. It's not even a game key card, which is awesome, but also I think probably why it is $70. Man, got to love gaming in the future. Anyway, Lies of P is a more linear, like the old-school Dark Souls-style games with brutal enemies, hard boss fights, little rest stops where you level yourself up, and if you die, you go back to it, and then you have to run and pick up all the little souls that you lost before you die again. You know how it works. It's a Souls-like. Which by the way, isn't it weird when a game becomes like the whole last name of the game genre? It's like Metroidvania. Those are two two different games smashed together, and then we just call everything that. That would be like if we called every platformer a Mario-Sonic-like game, which we should be doing. >> [laughter] >> I really have to focus on Lies of P here. For me, the reason why I love it so much is it it kind of feels like a Souls-like game, but mixed with Devil May Cry 5, even down to Pinocchio's arm being completely swappable and modifiable. And Big Walk can take a big hike off a cliff because this game 60 FPS. Ooh, smoking. I started playing the game, and I was like, this is running incredible and looks fantastic. And then after that, I realized Ooh, there's a bunch of different settings for handheld and docked. You can swap between quality, performance, balanced. The quality mode looks phenomenal. It has to be one of the best looking Switch 2 games. Sadly, it runs like mud. Not in a bad way, but when you switch from 60 FPS to 30 FPS, oh, you really feel it. Come on, Lizard P. Come [music] on, you can do it. You can do it. >> [screaming] >> Really? Maybe I should start talking about Assassin's Creed 4 again. You know, I really LIKE THE SHIP I KNEW IT. NO ONE WANTS to hear me talk about that game. Not even the fake chart I made up for this video. Perfect. Oh, and I haven't even talked about Elder Scrolls yet. You want to see Oblivion? I'm about to obliterate this number. I remember when Skyrim came to the Switch 1 in its first year and it was a big deal. You mean I can do what on a plane? Move over the Mile High Club. This is better than sex. Bethesda did a great job at supporting the Switch in its first year and it's fantastic to see them doing it again on the Switch 2. I mean, you have Fallout 4, you have Elder Scrolls Am I crazy or does this look awful? To be fair, I haven't played this remaster before anywhere. I mean, I haven't even played the original, but surely this doesn't look as bad on PlayStation 5. So, the game's [music] just ugly. Visuals aside, I had so many frame rate issues. Just constant dips. I mean, it would dip so low the game would freeze sometimes. The draw distance is just awful, which to be fair is probably the game just protecting me from seeing more of it. The world is just so muted and devoid of color. I mean, if you compare it to the PlayStation 5 version, it's it looks like they exported the Switch 2 version through a Ring Doorbell camera. The trees, the grass, the artifacting. I mean, oh, Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof. Then there's whatever the water does anytime I'm near it. It just reflects anything in front of me, like this whole ass tree is just being I'm so far away from the water. It's like Bethesda heard that the Switch 2 has ray tracing now, but they traced all of the wrong rays. And oh my god, the load screens. >> [laughter] >> They're not short, for one. They take a while, but also every door is a load screen. And I know this is a remaster of an old game, so it probably just was like this. One time, while the game was loading, it just froze. Like it completely froze. And for 5 minutes, I thought that was normal. >> [laughter] >> I'd gotten used to it. I was just sat there waiting. To be completely fair to the game, I will say that the inside pods look great. Like the dungeons and the caves. The whole start of the game, when you're moving through those catacombs, looked incredible. And I was getting really invested in the story and my character, and I thought I was going to sink a lot of time into this. And then I stepped out into the world, and I thought I'm going to go back to lying on my pee. That isn't sound how I wanted it to. Let me get out of this by checking the survivability probability rating now. Cuz surely Now, that sounds about right. Would it help if I said the game's only $50? Yep. That's Okay. Well, uh last chance at saving the Switch 2 in this video lies on the shoulders of Final Fantasy XIV. I mean, did IGN tell Square Enix that the Switch 2 was failing? Not a good time to put an MMO on the console, if you ask me. You know, the kind of game that relies on developers supporting it long term, while maintaining constant updates and community support, on a dying console? Oh, what a goof. All right, jokes aside, sometimes I don't know if you guys can tell when I'm being satire or not, and I feel that way because of my last [laughter] video, but also I don't know how often I make it clear. So, let me make it clear. Jokes aside, I'm really glad that Final Fantasy XIV is on the system because something the Switch family of consoles has sorely been missing this whole time is an MMO. Like I know we have Warframe, which is essentially an MMO, but kind of not really in the traditional sense. And the next closest game I can think of is like Xenoblade, based purely on just the combat and gameplay style. And now, the Switch 2 doesn't just have an MMO, it has the MMO. I don't know, I mean, that's probably World of Warcraft, but one of the really big big ones. And I actually have a little bit of experience with this one because I'm somewhat of a virgin myself, or at least I used to lop as one, because I used to play this game. And I dove into this game pretty hard. And by pretty hard, I mean 50 51 levels hard. I was a an archer bard thing. I don't really know. The The amount I remember about this game I could probably write on a postage stamp. I honestly got really bored and stopped playing. But as my friend Fried Biscuits has since taught me, it's probably because and in his opinion, bard is by far the most boring class you could possibly play. Now, like the absolute idiot numbskull that I am, when this game released, I rushed to the eShop, I clicked the first icon I saw that said Final Fantasy XIV, and I bought it. I would like to blame my very tired post 6 hours of solving puzzles in Big Walk on stream brain for just buying the first thing I saw before actually checking the eShop. Oh wait, I see a free one. There is a free one. Why did I just pay $40 then? There's like seven different options of this game that you can grab on the eShop. Just get the free one. Don't be like me. I heard for so many months leading up to this game's release that the Switch 2 wasn't going to be able to handle Final Fantasy 14. That's what the fans were saying. What yeah, I I really get all. >> [laughter] >> How is it How is it doing it, guys? The console must really be struggling. Somehow we've already found a game that makes Oblivion look good. Once again, I'm kidding. It's an MMO It's a 15-year-old MMO, mind you. And oh boy, is it an MMO, by the way. Hundreds of hours of battling and raiding and people running around and it emoting and they can get married and you could like buy a house or something. I don't know. Again, I barely remember. The point is, it's a persistent online game that the Nintendo hardware has severely been lacking and missing throughout the entire Switch era. It even has mouse controls. You can even plug an actual mouse into the Switch 2 to and a keyboard. And that's my favorite thing about the Switch 2 is it's just it's filling all of my holes, you know. We had Lies of P, this gorgeous Souls-like gritty adventure. And then you have a massive open-world RPG like Oblivion, which okay, sure, that needs a little bit more tender loving care, so we'll move on from that. But then you have this an MMO. Later this year when we get Call of Duty come to the Switch. At that point, we're really starting to cross off some of these major experiences and titles that the console has been lacking for years. [music] And I love it. I'm even planning on starting a new character in Final Fantasy 14. I might even stream it tonight. I might even be streaming while you watch this. So, come help me relearn how to play that game. Okay. All right. Funny meme number it is then. I I'm out of games. I don't know where else to go from here. I guess the Switch 2 really is just suffering from its own success. [music] Because while everyone else is out there seemingly on the internet typing away and complaining about quarterly analytic statistics and whether or not the Switch 2 selling 3.8 million units in a quarter is a big deal. It is by the way. I on the other hand, I have the opposite problem. I don't have enough time to play all of these games. Picopia just got a massive DLC that I'm going to sink an unfortunate amount of time into. I could happily laugh my ass through another 20 hours of Big Walk. And for some reason, I just decided on a whim to start a whole new character in an MMORPG. Did you forget that I'm also a dad? There are other games that I didn't even get to talk about in this video and more games coming out that I look forward to playing. So, if you're asking me, is the Nintendo Switch 2 dying? I NOPE. SO. OH! WE'RE SO CLOSE. WHAT IF I GIVE YOU A LITTLE KISS? AH! [screaming] BUT THEN GOODBYE. MWAH.