MOTIVATE Yourself, and Turn Your ANXIETY, Depression and FEAR Into Power | Jay Glazer

You're different. Different is good. Different leads to success. Like, don't be a face in the crowd. Be the [ __ ] crowd. Let's be our own damn crowd. So, that's one of the our matches. And same like our football players, we're seeing too many of them go by the wayside right now. Um cuz when their uniform comes off, they're like, "Oh man, I used to play in the NFL." I'm trying to shift that. No, dude, you played in the NFL. And you playing in the NFL is not who you are. What's behind your rib cage that got you to put those hours in? And outwork the world, but not by a little, by a lot. And, you know, beat out millions upon millions upon millions to play on this level. That's who the [ __ ] you are. That suddenly just doesn't leave when your uniform comes off. But who reminds them of that? Jay Glazer, welcome to the show, man. Thank you, man. Appreciate uh you having me. I know we got a lot of mutual friends there, so it's it's pretty cool that our our paths crossed like this. We do, and I'm very excited to do it. And I read the book Unbreakable. It is absolutely extraordinary. You actually made me emotional several times. Uh yeah, it caught me a little off guard, if I'm honest. And Go ahead. Literally, don't judge a book by its cover, right? No joke, man. I am That obviously takes on some pretty serious uh implications as you read the book and and begin to learn your struggles with anxiety and depression. Um but first I want to start with the Unbreakable side. You know, you've achieved just the absolute highest levels of success in your area. It's really unbelievable, very impressive, the career that you've had. But I didn't know the 10 years of struggle that led up to it. And I'd love to start there because I think that, you know, as somebody who really prizes relationships, playing the long game, your career is a beacon of hope for a lot of people to do things the right way. Uh and so it's really exciting to hear, and this sounds terrible, but it's really exciting to hear that it was actually really, really hard for you, and that you still stuck it out. So, tell us a little bit about why you were prepared to endure the level of suffering and rejection instead of just getting, you know, normal day job. And now, it's crazy because now I look back, now I know why. And the why was my depression and anxiety. But because of my grade, because of my darkness, I like I don't know how it is to wake up and like myself or love myself and from the inside out. Like I wake up like this, it it's everyday of my life and it [ __ ] sucks. It is just the truth of it. And so as a result of me not knowing how to kind of build myself from the inside out, I had to go do everything that I could to try to get some love from the outside in, if that makes sense. Like um so yeah, so I those first 10 years of my career, man, living in New York City and you're right, adversity is a gift. And and it gets you Why do you say it's a gift? Um cuz you find out who you are and because nothing like nothing happens by doing things that are easy. Like listen, like I I've trained a lot of football players in in like I started MMA cross-training program for this for for uh when I stopped fighting for NFL players. And I just give them like this simple thing, "Hey man, find out who the best is and do more than them." That's it. Right? You want to be the best, find out what Tom Brady does, do more than him. Find it and I used to tell players this all the time. They're like, "Oh, no, we can't do that." I'm like, "Well, if you don't want to be great, that's what it is." So, that's the adversity part. You got to outwork the world and and one of the things my dad told me early was like if you want your dreams come true, be loyal and loyalty is a a dying art and a lost art. But the the most loyal dude on the planet will outwork the world. And so for me, yeah, I I finally got a a break, if you will, to cover the Giants in '93, which is 4 years after I started making zero money. Um and I walked in that giant locker room and I'm like, a couple of things. One, like, damn, I I'm not more talented than anybody in here. I don't have the education, nowhere near anybody else does in here, and I don't have the experience, but how could I be different? Mhm. Right? And different is scary for a lot of people. It's not for me. So, how could I be different? And one of those is, man, I'm going to if these cats work 9:00 to 5:00, I'm not going to outwork them by a little, I'll outwork them by a lot. And I went I would go there 7:00 in the morning, 8:00 in the morning, whatever it is, until 10:00 at night. Like, I wouldn't stop. And actually, I was so broke, Strahan drove me back in the city every day for 7 years, whatever it was, cuz I didn't have enough money to go from the subway and the bus out to Giants Stadium and back. So, he would drive me, and he lived in Jersey, but he drove me in every single day for years. So, I owe him like, you know, 28 grand in Lincoln Tunnel tolls. Um, but I said, I'll be the last dude standing in here. Right? And like, whoever says quitting's not an option, it's the biggest [ __ ] in the world, because it's it's an option every day, right? It just sits on your shoulder every day. And the other thing was, man, how could I be different than them? I think back then, a lot of reporters used their pen as a weapon. I was going to I said, you know what? I'm going to start relationships. And I'm going to build relationships. I'm not going to go for the scoop, I'm going to go for the relationships. And that was harder, because it was going against the grain and the norm. And now, everything's built on relationships. That's how you do it. But I had to endure the years where I just got crushed by my cohorts for having relationships, and a lot of them killed me and Strahan for having our relationship, used to make fun of us. And Okay, you're a journalist, he's a player, you guys aren't supposed to fraternize. Not supposed to be friends, right? But look, we're just in sports, okay? We're not that important. We're not covering the Middle East, we're not covering like, real stuff. Like, let's not take ourselves too seriously here. And you're right, we're not the the rules, you're not supposed to put I looked at it like well I'm going to build relationships cuz my job is to get scoops well with those relationships those scoops will come. If I just take a scoop and burn a guy forever well that's short-sighted. Well I'd rather you said the long game. I'd rather have the long game and and have these relationships See this is really unusual though. So you know as I'm reading your book it I have the the privilege I guess of reading it from knowing that you end up being successful. But if you were to hear in those early days like one of the great stories in the book is that Strahan twice offered to loan you money. He's like I know you're good for it and you shut him down. saying it. Like yeah. Like not only did I tell him like I jumped his [ __ ] Hey [ __ ] don't you ever offer me something like that again. I got this. Don't you ever and like whoa whoa whoa whoa. Yeah. That's like I'll do this. This is on me. To me you live by a code and I'm often asked you know what does it mean to live life well and one of the things that I would tell people is you need to have a code. There needs to be some set of rules beliefs whatever about how you think things ought to be done. And so few people have a code and even if they have a code sticking with the code would be very hard. And you open the book telling the story of Strahan trying to use the bathroom in your low-rent apartment and he had to hold the stream uh to use the restroom and it was one it was a powerful reminder of that phase of my own life of where you can you know you can't I there was a time where I couldn't pay all my bills at once and so you know you're like really juggling things and it's one thing to have a code when things are going well but what I I I want to know is you were so young and so broke for so long why did the code matter to you so much to stick with it? You just got to be authentic to who you are. That's just it's who I am. Well how'd you become Did you create that? I don't know. I was born with it. It's just how I I was born with it. It's just how I Yeah. I've always been like through throughout my life, I've always been a person that tried to solve everybody's problems, tried to lift people up, and probably because I couldn't deal with my own inner problems, right? So, I've always been that guy. And the way I kind of look at this, it's going to be a little morbid, if you will. But, I look at the world and people like my loyalty will be so high that I'm going to treat people like I'm going to be their pallbearer. Right? That's your top five or six people, and that's it. I'll be your pallbearer. And if I could get 10% of the people I'm with to treat me back the same I got a pretty good little mafia that I'm walking with. And, you know, and I say it like this I still get hurt by the other 90% cuz I don't understand why we all won't do this for each other. And, you know, I don't I don't do things for my friends expecting something back. Right? And that's why I think, you know, loyalty, the art of of loyalty man, how can I help someone? How cuz I It helps me to help other people. It helps me cut through my own gray. But, you're you're hoping that other people are thinking about you independently also without ever having to ask. They do, they do. They don't, they don't. But, I think if all of us do that a lot more for each other we're not just thinking about, "Hey, how can I get by? How can I move myself? How can I do this?" Um the world would be a a much better place, and we all we'd all be able to stress a little less. But, I think too many people just kind of take care of themselves and look at how Hey, how can I help me? I'm just not wired that way. How can I help you, and at least in the moment that I helped you, and I lifted you up, that lifted my gray That lifted me through my gray for a little bit. I hope you enjoyed the episode brought to you by our sponsor, Aura. Secure your online presence from hackers, scammers, and noisy advertising companies. Go to aura.com/impact and when you use my link below, you'll get up to 40% off all plans. Enjoy the episode. All right, so we should probably define this idea of the gray and the slivers of blue. I think it's it's it makes a lot of sense to me that the being loyal and being there for people and trying to help them and elevate them would work certainly on So, I've so struggled with anxiety tremendously. And what I find is on the days that are the hardest, if I can do something where it forces me to be high energy, to be helpful, to engage, to try to be of service, that it really changes my neurochemistry like dramatically. Yes. And you do a an extraordinary job of detailing that in the book. So, what is the gray and what is the blue? Uh the blue I'm still trying to figure out. The The gray is it's what I wake up on every day. So, gray is depression and anxiety and for me ADD, I got everything. I got ADD, elemental [ __ ] I got everything. But it's uh the gray is depression and and uh I think in the book I say it's equally messed up twin sister anxiety and they have their own schedule. They make the rules a lot. Like I just brought up stray energy. Um and I don't know what your anxiety attacks are like, but mine are they they range, but sometimes I find myself actually I have a lot of anxiety attacks on the air, going on the air, which is weird cuz I feel really great like in a gym, in a cage, when people are punching and kicking me, my teammates, I'm golden. On camera, I'm great. The rest of the world, I struggle. Like I'm great in chaos, I suck in calm. And a lot of times I'll create chaos when it's not necessary cuz I'm just I don't feel worthy of the calm and that's what the gray does. So sometimes my gray I'll literally be on camera. I call it wrestling with my abuser. I get a little I get a little emotional talking about it cuz it does it it sucks. Like I'm like damn, this is like I don't deserve this [ __ ] but I didn't sign up for it either. So I can't ever stop fighting against it. So I'll sit there sometimes on TV talking to myself while I'm talking to you at home with this fake smile that I have on trying to pull myself out of it when I'm actually like please just let me go. Like leave me alone. Like let me let me just please not now. Like and I just start sweating and and the gray itself is how I kind of I wake up in the morning thinking the sky is falling. I'm not worthy being loved. So everybody must hate me. People must be against me and it's not true. It's not real. But that's what it feels like and it's a physical thing for me too. Like I feel it on my rib cage and I feel it on the left side of my gut. You hear about right? You feel something in your gut or gut punch and that's how I feel and it So I was talking about Strahan a couple weeks ago I had a man anxiety and depression. I usually don't get woken up like that. But this one woke me up in the middle of the night and man it just it kicked my ass and I told Michael I said hey and this isn't in the book cuz this just happened 2 months ago. We were supposed to have dinner. I said hey dude, man I can't have dinner tonight. He said what's up? I said man I just have one of these I had one of these gray days man. This thing just got me and I just needed to get some sleep and he's like you want me to come over? I said nah and he "Um you want to talk about it?" I said, "Nah, I'm I'm I'm good." And the 30 years we've been friends, that's the first time I've ever told him that I was struggling in the day. Woah. First time. 30 years. And he says to me, "Why have you never told me?" I said, "I don't make up the rules of this [ __ ] For some reason I had shame with you. Maybe cuz we're so competitive." And here's my best friend. And yet I'm able to write it in a book and tell the world, but I couldn't tell him. And if had I, I would have had somebody to turn to for the last 30 years about this, that I could talk to. But again, I don't make the rules up for this [ __ ] And what I have realized, and I want all your your your viewers and listeners to know, when I have opened up to him and other people in the most doodly of sports, you know, football and fighting, it has gotten us so much closer together. It's bonded us in such a way. Um so, yeah, it's it's crazy how um the shame or if you will, you know, kind of takes over and then what you were talking about, you know, having this you know, kind of go go go. So, when you see me on TV, a lot of it is like, man, I'm trying to pull myself up up out of it. So, I have this larger-than-life personality, um which the depression and anxiety led me to, and thank God cuz it's led me to where I am. But the larger-than-life personality is to pull myself up and out of it. A lot of times it's to mask the pain. And it's yeah, it's painful. And it's like one of my friends the other day called me and he said, uh "Jug, you said, man, we always knew you were crazy. We didn't know you were in pain." And now I'm able to talk to people about the pain that And I literally I text these words to Michael 3 days ago for the first time, actually, now that I think about it. But even this, I I man, I just I texted to him 3 days ago. This about being in the living in this pain and it used to get me because of the pain and used to be that used to get me to have a lot of outbursts and I had a lot of trouble and I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Like I'm a [ __ ] up flawed human being. And it's because of this pain. Like I I love everybody, but I I'm in a lot of pain, so I do things that are not great for me and others and you know, I'm not perfect and I'm working on myself. Um So, the blue like you were saying about I'm trying and this book is a prescriptive prescriptive book about how to get us all through the gray to the blue. And by the way, level of gray is different. Like my level's deep. We all got something nowadays, especially with social media. We're comparing ourselves to everybody else's filtered fraction of a second is [ __ ] We all feel left out, right? How do you not? Most successful people are like, damn, my life sucks with all these people are doing. It's just So, I mean, it's hard for when people going after their dreams and they think that others have gotten theirs, it's not true. And here I am telling you I'm on the top of the world and I still don't know how to feel it on the inside. So, that and and the [ __ ] we see on Twitter, the the bad um man, the just the amount of hate. Like the human condition's not meant for that. Right? So, whatever level you're at here of of gray, if you will, this book is prescriptive and the three things are being of service, we just talked about and there's a lot in the book of how you could be of service. You don't need to have money to be of service. Um it could be of service on on several different levels, but that gives me a break from the gray and I see blue like like I I I I feel all the time like like a black and white TV show, right? The old gray like I love Lucy, like that's how my life that's how I see my life through the inside out. I don't get to see the rainbows and unicorns and the beautiful sky that a lot of other people get to see. When I'm of service to people, like doing this right now, it lifts me up cuz I know you and I are going to touch some people, and that will will pull me up out of some of that darkness. And what I got to do by this, and then also laughter helps me a ton. There's the gray haze laughter, and that's why you see me on TV all the time always joking around. When I'm having a panic or an anxiety attack on TV, I will try and crack a joke. The sooner I can laugh, the more it goes away. And I may force the joke. It I may just let It may not even fit, but it helps me. And that's where I have a whole practical joke chapter, which, you know, this is the is the perils of being friends with Jay Glazer. Um And then having a team, and you know, having a team helps me. But I've been limited in my team cuz I wasn't so open about this as I am now. So, now like, man, I'm able to to build this team with you and everybody else in the world that we could literally walk this walk together. Um that gets me to see through the the gray a little bit more, and I'm working on um feeling like I'm worthy of the blue and I deserve it, and um stringing together days of it. And what I like when I have a good Man, I said to Ron Day Barber recently, I said, "Man, today was a good day. I think great things are about to happen." And I immediately said, I go, I said, "With this book, great things are about to happen cuz I'm going to help people." And immediately I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] No. No. I just I just [ __ ] myself. Now Now all the gray is going to come and and fight back harder." And that put me in a hole for about a week by saying that I deserve something good to happen, I got stuck in a dark Hey, this is this is the part of your story that is so difficult to comprehend. So, I understand people that live in the gray and it just feels like the world is crashing down around them and this is why I found the book so powerful. So, I understand that. I understand people who don't have to struggle with that and therefore can dream big and be successful. What what makes the title of your book, Unbreakable, so perfect is that you have this gray crashing down around you and yet you still find a way to have these big dreams even when you're not able to say to yourself, "I'm going to be like good things are going to happen to me." But, you still [ __ ] drive, man. Like and and this is if you can help people understand this of how things can look like they are stacked against you, right? You talk about this with the veterans that you work with in the Unbreakable training So, through that and helping them reframe like, "Yes, something bad has happened to you. Yes, you're in pain, but like you can sit and wallow around in that or you can do something." How did you train yourself to do that? I mean, we're talking about a journey that started like you said 30 years ago. Dude, mental health could not be talked about 30 years ago. It was like an an instant pass to being shunned. And so, how did you put a strategy together and see it through under all of that? Well, it was just the like my depression and anxiety motivated me cuz I always had that thought of Cuz you were like, "Fuck this. Like I'm going to And if I do this and this and this maybe this will bring me happiness. If I do this, maybe this will bring me happiness. So, it was my journey for happiness. And what I've really learned is it it can't come from the outside. It's got to come from the inside out. And that's what this journey is for me now. Like I've got to learn to love myself from the inside out. It doesn't work. Like I can't just go get [ __ ] up every Sunday and be [ __ ] the happiest guy in the world. Like, it's got to come from here. And that's why the motivation for me was convincing myself, man, if I go and if I become rich, if I become famous, if I become this, all all this shit's going to go away. And And it doesn't. And then part of my struggles, too, is there's a lot of us out there who are antidepressant, anti-anxiety medication resistant. So, I've been on I've tried 30-something different Woah. medications over the years. And none of worked. Um like none. And like Vicodin worked for me. And that was before That was before the opioid crisis. And I was like, wait, I play a sport of pain. Like, when I was fighting, it was like, hey, take these. Oh, [ __ ] yeah, it feels good. And then realized, okay, this helped with your depression? That well, make it feels good and then until it doesn't. Until you go until you act like more of an [ __ ] than people because it Yeah, the roommates in your head did not play along nicely other. But you're looking for any sort of break from the pain. And there were painkillers. end up struggling with addiction? Not addiction, but I think I was for a long time. Lucky guy, started in the '90s. We didn't know any better. Like, I was doing mixed martial arts in the early days. Hey, that's a game It's a It's a game of of pain. Painkillers Sounds good to me. Like, made a lot of sense to me. Um But it did cause me a lot of problems when I went out. But yeah, it would it would dull the pain for me of the gray short-term, but caused long more long-term problems. Um especially in my behavior and my outbursts. And me me, Vicodin, alcohol, and these are not a good combination at all. And like my mic you know, for for a dude like me who who uh who really thinks like, man, it's so hard to be my friend. All my friends are getting people I'm I'm too much for my crew. I've done a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] over the years and here they are still with me. You know, like and I get choked up cuz it's like sometimes I realize when I say it things like that like damn maybe I'm not as bad as I thought like you they're still with me. Like these stray hands and these constant sworts that you know and Mike Meridan and Mike Andrew Whitworth of the world man these people are still by my side despite me having these blow-ups and Randy Couture's and the Chuck Liddell's despite me having these meltdowns they're still there. So uh maybe I'm not as bad as I think but it takes things like that for me to I don't know why it just hit me so hard right there it did but uh cuz I don't I don't talk about uh the drug side of it barely ever. Um so yeah that they've been out with me with a lot of manic moments if you will caused by that. So it's an I had a I've had a curve. Um but that's the motivation of of Ben. I'm I'm trying to find I'm trying to find the outside love so much where it gives me enough of a break where I can kind of be on this ledge here as I'm working on how to love myself from the inside out. Like I'm worthy. The The universe is not against me. And the sky is not falling. Hasn't fallen all this time yet I wake up every day feeling like it's going to and a lot of people successful or not have that same fear but no one talks about it. I'm like [ __ ] it I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to put it all out there for us. So we are like literally as I said we walk this walk together. 2021 has seen over 1 billion records get hacked from major social media sites, national grocery store chains, cryptocurrency exchanges, pharmacies, and phone and internet providers. Aura is a new type of security service that helps protect your online accounts, internet connection, and devices with one simple subscription. Aura's apps will also protect your devices from malware and encrypt your Wi-Fi connection so you can shop, bank, and stream online securely with an easy online dashboard and alerts sent straight to your phone. All plans come with $1 million in identity theft insurance to help recover eligible losses and experienced US-based customer support that's got your back. So, if you want to secure your online presence from hackers, scammers, and nosy advertising companies, go to aura.com/impact. And when you use my link below, you'll get up to 40% off all plans. That's aura.com/impact and you'll get up to 40% off all plans. And Aura is spelled a u r a. aura.com. All right, guys. Take care and be legendary. Peace. Yeah, the the aggression that you have comes across in the book and I have to imagine that that has served you well. There is something when you look at people that really achieve the kind of outsize success that you've achieved. There's often times a pain point. It could be dyslexia and feeling like you're dumb and everybody's making fun of you and so you, you know, overshoot things. It could be growing up in the inner cities like looking at what Jay-Z has done. You know, it's like the inner cities break most of the people that it touches, but the people that get out, they really hit escape velocity. Uh depression, same thing, you know, destroys most of the people that it touches, but then there's occasionally somebody like you where you're able to focus enough aggression to get beyond it and you come up with these tools and tactics. And for people that that don't know all of your background, which is freakishly well-rounded. So, obviously very recognizable for um the commentary that you do on Fox for the NFL. Uh I didn't know the depths to which though you were involved in mixed martial arts and so that is very interesting to me and how much you're using that to help players and veterans who have as you say lost their tribe, they you know, transition out of sports, they go from having this big group or they transition out of military, they have this whole group around them and an ethos that carries them and now they're you know, in an isolation game which is like the worst thing for somebody struggling. And as you bring them together, you bring them together over fighting which I think is really interesting and there's something out of the book I want to quote. This really hit me. I thought this was really powerful and you were talking about how to become a warrior. You said this is how we create warriors. You have it all in you. One, find out who is the best and do more than them, talked about that earlier. Two, be relentless. Three, push your breaking point, push your breaking point, push your breaking point, push your breaking point. Four, neutral face. Don't ever show you're hurt or tired. And five, it's your honor to fight hurt. And I was like, dude, there's something about that like go hard, [ __ ] don't don't take it don't take it from yourself, don't take it from anybody else. Like you can't you can't be weak. Like you've really got to push through and there were a couple times like you were saying like I get hard on people that I know are contemplating suicide or whatever and I'm not trying to villainize that but like there is a moment where you just have to [ __ ] and say like you got to get tough, you've got to push through this and I'm very curious when you came to that, was it something you found early? Why is that universal? Like is because you seem to use that I mean from Demi Lovato who obviously did not begin as a trained fighter though I'm sure after time with you, like there's some pretty unexpected people. trust me. She can fight. She knocked one of your teeth out if I remember. little [ __ ] Yeah, she got my teeth with a spinning elbow that I taught her and Let's build a new team. Put them on a new team and let them build each other up. It's peer-on-peer counseling if you will. And I use a lot of the stuff in this book to as as our mantras and as our teachings. And I learned a lot from them in our talk. So, we train together for about a half hour just to give you a burn. Then after, we have these hour hour and a half mental health huddles. We just sit there and we just talk our [ __ ] out, open up. And like for our vets, like they're ingrained not to have individuality. They're ingrained not to talk about it. So, how are you supposed to get through the transition if you don't talk about what you've done? Everybody else lies on their resume. Combat vets don't talk about their resume. Well, it's hard to get through the transition if you won't talk about yourself. And so, it's one of the things yeah, I kind of get on them about it. Like, "Hey, um you know, they have all these like you go overseas and you do incredible things. You've saved people and you have grace under fire, courage under pressure. And then they come back over here, they're like, "Oh, I'm different." "Oh, I don't belong. I don't" And I'm like, "No, [ __ ] that. You're different. Different is good. Different leads to success. Like, don't be a face in the crowd. Be the [ __ ] crowd. Let's be our own damn crowd." So, that's one of the our matches. And same like our football players, we're seeing too many of them go by the wayside right now. Um cuz when their uniform comes off, they're like, "Oh, man. I used to play in the NFL." I'm trying to shift that. No. Dude, you played in the NFL. And you playing the NFL is not who you are. What's behind your rib cage that got you to put those hours in and outwork the world, but not by a little, but a lot. And you know, beat out millions upon millions upon millions to play on this level? That's who the [ __ ] you are. That suddenly just doesn't leave when your uniform comes off. But who reminds them of that? So, I put them together so they can remind each other of that. And yes, you've got to You got to be around. Suicide cannot be an option for us cuz you know, I know you're in pain, but then you're leaving your pain and putting it on us. Like, don't do it. You've got to stick around for us. As much as it sucks and hurts and like we've had a lot of members attempt suicide that that now haven't since they've been part of MVP. And every single one of them has saved somebody since. So, like you never know what lies around next Tuesday. But if you hold on, like you could do something that could impact somebody else so greatly. And then the people that they save, they might end up saving 10 people, 100 people, 1,000 people, 100,000 people. I've gotten saved. So, you know, I'm able to And I say saved, I I will never get to the point where I will kill myself. But man, I get to the point where I'm like, "Man, I hope something takes me out." And if that something like that happened, if I didn't Like in the end you saw my like last chapter, I'm on a a gurney in Cedar-Sinai. It's both my lungs aspirated. If I just gave up there, there'd be a lot of people who wouldn't be with us right now. Right? So, I've got to make sure that I'm there for everybody. And I I I could promise you this. Um man, our our crew and we we've had this in our our huddle and you'll see you read in the book, right? About those who have made that unfortunately have that decision, I can guarantee you they're in whatever afterlife you believe of believe in guarantee you they're not up there seeing everybody cry like, "Yes!" They're up there like, "Oh my god, what did I do?" No. No. So, I point this out to our group and say, "This is your chance to have a I I bet they wish they could have a takeback now." Well, this is your opportunity to have a takeback. For those of you who attempted it, this is what you would have left behind. And you get to see it firsthand. I know you don't want to leave that behind. So, it's really made a a huge impact. So, that's the MVP part. And I know that That's a lot. We're in seven cities right now. Um we have three zooms a week. Um and it's me and again, me just grinding and my crew trying to raise money and and it's free for all vets and combat vets and um active duty uh military in combat zones and uh pro athletes also. So, we're in seven cities. That's what vetsandplayers.org is our our website for that. So, I'll take a little breather there cuz then the other part was was the unbreakable part. Um Yeah, it to me it's it I read the book feeling like the two things were interconnected and I'm curious if you see it that way. So, the the book obviously begins with you know, how hard your career what Well, I mean, first you set us up with the gray and then you talk about, you know, look, I I really struggled for a long time to make it. And you detail things out. It is so inspiring to see how hard it was and how long it took you, but how you live by that code, you were super consistent. And throughout the book you'd do a couple times where you're like, "Okay, here are the keys to success in this." You talked about some of those earlier, and then you get into this warrior mentality and how we can all build that inside of ourselves. And if I remember right, that was tied to this, you know, where people are struggling. Yeah, well, that was tied to the gym. So, it was it was funny cuz when I first did the book well, people have asked me to do book being the NFL insider for years. Like, "Oh my god, the secrets you must have." I'm like, "Guy, I'm putting that [ __ ] out." I'm not looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. And and I probably put out 1% of what I know on the air um cuz that's also build relationships. I don't want to burn people if I want to continue to have the most inside information as anybody else. Um and it well, if somebody deserves to get burned, they deserve to get burned. But for the most part, we're, you know, we're I'm not trying to look at it and screw somebody over cuz I know something dicey on them. Um but, you know, this So, I'm at an event um for a friend of mine, Mike Bayer, who just wrote a book and I know him well. Like, and so Dr. Dr. Phil was there and I think Dr. Phil threw the party and all these people were there. And these women walk over These three women walk over to me. Uh Jan Lacey Chairy. They said, "Okay, we don't know who you are. Everybody in this room's talking about you, but we cannot figure out what you do. Like, you're an actor?" I said, "No." No, she goes, "Yeah, you're on Ballers with The Rock." I go, "Yeah, that's but I'm not an actor. I'm just playing my normal [ __ ] self and that's cuz I'm friends with Dwayne." "Well, okay, but you're a you're a trainer and an MMA coach for for Demi Lovato?" I said, "Yeah, okay. Okay." "No, but you're a vet?" I said, "No, I'm not a vet, but I have charity that's helped a lot of vets and that's what I'm most proud of." But and then Dr. Phil walks over and he says, "Hey, the Cowboys going to resign Dak Prescott or what?" And they're kind of looking at him like, "Why are you asking the the guy with the veterans and Demi and the the Baller that like now I do the NFL and they go all right. Your [ __ ] so confusing. Can we buy you a drink? And I said yeah, I'll take a Sauvignon Blanc. They go well, we didn't expect that either. I said they ended up being my literary agents and Jen Miller and and and Lacey Lynch and Carrie Thornton was the publisher. They were like, we need to do this book especially when I started talking about MVP and and um and how many lives were were saving and empowering over there. I said we'll do it. So but I always said like how am I going to do a book cuz I got six different careers going on because I've always done these crazy outlandish things to try to find the rainbow and just try and find the blue. So I've always had to go do push myself more and more. And in that book, you know, Unbreakable, we are the number one gym in the world. Um and that's what the word name Unbreakable came from. It's my gym where again we're trying to push your breaking points and there's two things about Unbreakable there a couple of things about Unbreakable that are really unique. One, we train you as a team. All right, I talk a lot about teams. And as a result, we're the only gym in America we got zero mirrors in the gym. None. Cuz I don't want anybody's back turned to the rest of the team looking at themselves. We're in this together. And you'll have Demi Lovato working out with Sylvester Stallone and Wiz Khalifa are coming over here doing this and the head of this company over here and the head of this company doing there and this person doing and like it's just the weirdest [ __ ] you've ever seen. But we are a group, dude. We're a team. And I say hey, you got to fight team. It's a scary world out there now. And and I give you like man, I build good communities and and a great locker room. So I'm like I'm going to put a therapist in here because I'm telling you we're going to build you from the inside out. That needs to be in mind, body, and soul. Um but this Unbreakable mindset, okay, that's how I live life. It's how I coach our athletes to play. It's how I fight. And the moment I make the decision to get out of bed every day, which is a hard one for me. Like, the gray keeps me in bed. It's hard. And somebody just asked me this recently, like, how are you able to go after life when it's hard for you to get out of bed? The moment I make that decision, I get out of bed, like, yeah, I am going to be so relentless in everything I do. And look, I'm not I'm a little 5' 7" Jewish guy, man. I got everything against me physically. So, I what I don't what I don't lack is that relentlessness of man, I will push my breaking point so much. So, as I push my breaking point, I look back and I go, man, I can't believe that used to be hard for me 2 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago, 4 months ago. And now I know I have more in the tank. But also, like the way we train, I do not stop. I don't stop. I don't stop. I don't stop until somebody goes, holy [ __ ] get them off me. Right? And I talk about our neutral face. Um, and it's the complete opposite how I want everybody to be in life. So, this is for athletics. I don't want anybody to show it. In life, I want you to talk about everything. It's one big, you know, it's it's it's Why does talking work so well? That that one, while I agree, it it feels counterintuitive. It not for this stuff. When I'm like talking to you right now, [ __ ] therapy session for me. It's great. Like, the more we can talk cuz we share, it bonds us. Cuz you probably have something that's going on also a lot. That resonates with you, and you're not going to feel so alone. And you may not It's probably things that you won't share with other people that you're afraid to share A, for shame, or being judged, or I don't know if someone's going to like this. And all of a sudden, we share it, well, F that team, right? We're bonding over something. You're not as alone. That you get to hear it. Maybe to yourself, I was always afraid to say that. Now, I don't have to be so afraid. Cuz I'm not alone. It's not I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one who thinks that. I'm not the only one who's fears that. Um but the other part is like or again back to the athletics part. Our fighters cannot take a stool in between rounds. I want them pacing back and forth and pacing back and forth. I want you know, their opponents to look at them like why the [ __ ] is Randy Couture not sitting down? Like what's wrong with him? Why is he How is he not hurt? Great, right? How is he not hurt? And man, I will just like I our guys can't take a No hands on our hips. I say neutral face. Cuz I don't want I want to see like you when someone breaks when you break someone in athletics and sports and fighting or football you could hear it. It's awesome. There's nothing like it. When I break somebody else's will, there is nothing freaking like it. You could It's like a branch breaks or twig, you could hear it, you feel it. And you know, I tell all our football players all the time man, if you're yeah, you can do three-minute rounds with a one-minute break with us and you don't show it you damn sure could do a six-second round or seven-second round in the NFL field with a one-minute break. And the moment where you turn around you see someone I see someone gasping. I see someone with their hands on their hips. I see someone doing that. I forget I'm tired. I start sharpening my weapons even more and then I start becoming more relentless and ramping up ramping up. So they'll beat my ass in the first round or two we still got a couple rounds to go and eventually every one of them they're going to go I did not sign up for this. Like I and and you know, I tell us all tell them all that game starts that cage door locks. You better make that guy across from you beg to get out of that cage with you. That's your job and again we talk about the pain part of it man, I've had I got uh I've ruptured L4 L5 four times, L1 L2 twice, herniated C2 3 4 5, broken this seven times, broken my ankle twice, dislocated that, but tore that, tore that, and every time I'm hurting, I don't tap out. I go, "Oh, [ __ ] I'm not going to train today cuz I'm not feeling good." Instead, I'm like, "Man, if I can give this guy a handful, I don't even win. If I can give him a handful, and I'm only at 50%, man, that makes me a gangster." It's your honor to fight hurt. My honor to fight hurt. Like, it's your honor to go out and drop 100 yards on someone with an ankle sprain or an elbow and but Because it tells you something about yourself? Yes. And that's that's where like our crew we don't really give a [ __ ] if we win or lose. And I learned Look, I've been around a lot of greatness. And I have a God blessed me with the ability to communicate their greatness, I think, in you know, more relatable way and to the masses. A lot of times, what's normal to them is great, and they will realize, "Well, that's not normal." So, the more I can teach people on how to be a champion, um like I was a I'm a lousy competitor. As I've started to coach, I've gotten a really good cuz now I get it. No one ever taught it to me in the past. Now, I'm now that's my mindset. Like, if I'm a hurt dude, you will never ever ever ever know. And in there, like, you'll never see me Nothing. I'll never show it. Now, after I may pass out or whatever, that's fine. But during, that's that's one of the ways I'm going to try and break you nonverbally. So, there there really is something So, people need to read the book, which I truly found extraordinary. And you're you're flirting with this dichotomy through this whole, um, conversation, which I find so useful in real life, which is Okay, look, I'm teaching people how to be so hardcore. Don't show your weakness. Break them mentally. You're like, you can hear it, and I love it. And yet, you're also the guy that's like, I have a therapist in the gym because after, you know, we spar for a little while, that's when like the real emotions come out. We can cry and really bond and heal. And something we haven't talked about, but that you go into great detail in the book is, you know, all the ways, big and small, that you serve people and all the people that you've helped. It's really It's incredible. When people read the book, they're really going to be impressed with the number of different ways that you serve. It's It's really pretty breathtaking. Which we we all could do it. That's why I'm saying I'm showing it cuz everybody could do it. Like it's Here's Here's the truth, Jay. You talk about shooting straight. I'm going to shoot you straight. The reality is most people can do one or the other, but they can't do both. And this is This is what I find interesting, that you both in the ring, when you're training, you want to break somebody's will in that competition, and you want to love them and protect them. And in the book you you must use the word teammate 300 times. I mean, it it's you you refer to the reader as your teammate. Which will make sense when you read the book. But But I can't be alone cuz I'm not I don't like getting stuck with this I don't know how to love this dude or like this dude. So I need teammates so I never feel alone. Yeah. It's really important that I think people learn. So I talk about it in Star Wars terms, that there's a light side and a dark side. And that if you eschew one of them, you've given up half of your options. And the the dark side, the you know, breaking a competitor's spirit, if you can do it well, where it's like, hey, in this moment we we slip into that mode. And then in the other moment we would never dream to be in that mode. But it's So there's this idea of the meek shall inherit the earth. And I heard an interpretation of the word meek to mean, instead of weak, which is how I always assumed it to be, instead of that, it means somebody who is strong and very capable of fighting, but they keep their sword put away. If if you are not dangerous, then you are not being gracious by not getting into a fight, right? I heard that from um Feross I don't know if you know him, but MMA trainer, amazing, amazing guy. And I was like really struck by that statement. Say say to me again. If you are weak and don't know how to fight, you are not being gracious by, you know, avoiding conflict. You're avoiding conflict cuz you know you're going to get your ass beat. If if you're Firas Zahabi and you were a trained mixed martial artist and you know that you could [ __ ] this guy up six ways to Sunday and you decide to leave it be, to calm the situation, there's there is gratitude in that. There's gratefulness. There's There's a gift. There's graciousness in that. And And that to me is what your book encapsulates. This is Look, you [ __ ] struggled, man. But this is not the book of somebody who has had it easy and therefore was persistent. It is the story of somebody who's struggled in every way imaginable, still managed to keep a North Star and move towards it relentlessly. When people hear you detail out those 10 dark years, dude, it is unbelievable. And then punchline is Oh, and by the way, I spend all my time loving on other people because of that it it echoes back, right? So it's this this incredible tale, and this is what I think life should be for everybody, is to find that ability to both break somebody's competitive spirit and find joy in the ability to pull that off and at the same time care about that person as a human and love people so much that I can only imagine how many times you've taken phone calls and like suicide watch and all that. It's like you deal with heavy [ __ ] But dude, Jay, I I I am not glossing over how much you continue to struggle. But what I want people to hear in your story is that this is somebody who has built up every tool that he can. You are slathered in muscle. You know how to fight. You're quick-witted. You have proven tenacity and loyalty win over everything. It It is an amazing journey that you take people on in your life, which you happen to have detailed in a book. Uh it is not surprising to me in the least that you have collected this extraordinary group of people in your life. Every one of the people that I know that you know are incredible human beings. So, anyway, your book details a strategy that I think is breathtaking. Thank you, man. I really appreciate that. It's That's That's a wow for me, man. That's a a big wow factor for me. I appreciate that a lot. Again, it it things like this like I'm trying to piece a lot of these together so I can learn how to celebrate myself from the inside out. You know how to do it for the outside and you know, hang with all our friends and party and this and that and you know, fighting all that stuff, but for the inside out, that's where my That's where the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is for me and um this is the next step for me and and I'm trying to figure that out and attain it and me it's Yeah, I get to use my pain to help other people through theirs, right? I can use my own gray to help people through their darkness. And that for me is man, that's, you know, probably why God put me here and found my why. I I do I I told him this a story the other day. I said, I think I found my why for the first time. I think I found my why. So, appreciate it. And and again, you I don't try and figure life out. Like I was for years I'm like, damn. You know, [ __ ] why like why you like this? Why you like this? And I don't try and figure life out. I don't try and figure out why good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people and all that stuff. You know, I just for me now I kind of know the why of man, I had to go through all this so I can help other people through theirs. I get it, man. I respect it. So glad you wrote the book. Where can people follow along with you? Where can they get the book? Oh, go You can go to HarperCollins or Amazon or Barnes & Noble and sold everywhere where you would normally buy books audio tape audio comes out soon also January 25th is the launch date so go on pre-order now I do the read for the audio version so yeah as I the way I talk is the way I write as you as you probably saw I'm honored like the rock wrote my forward which is like man like such an honor and he and I are able to get deep in it also which is just great where he can use he wanted to do it cuz he's like hey you're going to be that voice of the gray for all of us and again here's the biggest star in the world and we all have some gray that I'm hoping to be this like I said I hope to be a light for people through their gray so maybe they'll help me get through mine so and then if you go to my Instagram or or Twitter there's a link on it there also but yes I would love you all to walk this walk with me more teammates we can have and I want people also to share their own struggles with this with other people who are like when I I've been on social media in real time like hey this is what this [ __ ] feels like right I don't want to do filtered crap and make people feel worse about their lives like this is it so when you see those comment you're struggling comment it's been really cool to see other followers then lift them up and be teammates together and help them out and um also like it's good for us to remember to celebrate and a lot of love ourselves up right so things like this allow me to celebrate myself and and love myself up you it's even hard for me like to get it out like celebrate no oh [ __ ] it's hard it's really hard for me man it's legitimately hard um but things like this get me a little bit more toward where I need to get to to that blue It's amazing. The book is amazing guys. If you have ever struggled with anything, whether it's just having a hard time achieving what you want to achieve in your life, this book, trust me, is for you. If you've carried the weight of any kind of mental illness that creates that sense of overwhelm, that things aren't going to go your way, this book is definitely for you. If you want to laugh, this book is for you. It really, really is a phenomenal work. Jay, thank you so much for coming on the show today, man. I really appreciate it. Unbreakable is things that could have broken us, but didn't. That makes us unbreakable. Like all our scars, again, be proud of your scars. Be proud of the stuff that has knocked you down. Be proud of the crap, the adversity that you've gone through, and it didn't break you, and you came through that other side of the tunnel, that's what being unbreakable is. I like it. Appreciate it, man. Thank you. Guys, speaking of things that will help you become unbreakable, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Peace.