Video summary
Freya India argues that modern women are increasingly adopting traits historically labeled as toxic masculinity, such as promiscuity and sexual entitlement, which she reinterprets through a feminist lens as signs of "boss girl" power. She suggests this shift is partly a defensive reaction to past experiences with men who exhibited these behaviors; having been hurt by male infidelity or abandonment, some women feel compelled to adopt similar assertive and aggressive tactics in their own relationships to avoid vulnerability. Furthermore, she posits that social media algorithms reward extreme confidence and vulgarity over modesty, creating an incentive structure where influencers like Tanjo thrive on displaying these masculine-coded traits while framing them as signs of a healed woman free from negative emotions like jealousy or worry. This cultural shift has led to the implicit shaming of young women who remain reserved or shy, with society often interpreting their modesty not as a natural disposition but as repression requiring "healing." Freya notes that if a young woman is quiet about her life or relationships today, she faces pressure to become more sexual and assertive, effectively punishing those who do not conform to the new standard of success. Consequently, promiscuity has been normalized while traditional forms of modesty are stigmatized as problematic, creating an environment where introversion is viewed through a pathological lens rather than accepted as part of one's authentic self. Despite this apparent liberation, Freya highlights a profound contradiction in the current moment: young women often experience crippling anxiety alongside a loud "I don't care" message that claims they are fully free to be themselves. She points out a deep nostalgia among Gen Z for an era before smartphones and social media existed, where love was not commodified into swiping on Tinder or reacting to Instagram stories. This longing extends beyond mere technology; it represents a desire for the mystery of falling in love and genuine connection that has been replaced by digital interactions like maintaining Snap streaks rather than meaningful face-to-face guidance from friends. The fundamental nature of human relationships, including friendship and flirting, has changed so drastically that previous generations cannot offer relevant wisdom to navigate this new world. Freya emphasizes that the definition of these concepts is now entirely different, leaving young people without established rules or archetypes to guide them through a completely novel reality. Because adults are often just trying to keep up with trends themselves rather than possessing timeless strategies for handling modern life, they cannot provide the necessary guidance, which exacerbates feelings of anxiety and disenchantment among youth who must feel their way forward in an era where everything has become cheap and commodified.
Read the full video transcript
why is it
that pretty much all of the examples of
toxic masculinity from the past uh
promiscuity sexual
entitlement hyper Independence are all
traits that are now regarded
as boss girl yeah feminist power I don't
know I think it might be like a Revenge
thing um I I
think I think young women react to the
very worst traits of some men by
thinking I'll just do it back and that
would give me the power so they're
like uh maybe they've had a string of
relationships where the guy has kind of
slept with them and then left or
something and then they think yeah I'll
just do that to the next guy or um you
know they look at the men doing that and
think well they seem very confident and
happy so that's that's the way to go um
I think it's like a defense me ISM of
some kind and also I think they're
probably also the traits that get you
popularity online so if you look at
tanjo or some of these
influences uh they are promiscuous
they're quite masculine they're quite
aggressive in their speech because
people who talk assertively and in
Extreme Ways will just suit the
algorithm you know if you're like a
reserved timid young girl you're not
going to be the top influencer on
Instagram so I think those traits get
rewarded and and then they're what girls
are scrolling through all day every day
and they're like oh my favorite
influencer is really like vulgar and
promiscuous and she's super assertive
the path to success yeah and that's
again that's the model of like the
healed confident woman who's not held
back by negative emotion or worry or
jealousy or any of these things
assertiveness is confused for self
assuredness or wholeness completeness
fixedness well also promise it is
like well I often think now if you're
like a reserved young woman who's modest
you're now shamed maybe not explicitly
but implicitly people will think there's
something wrong with you because they'll
be like oh no you are beautiful you
shouldn't be so like shy about guys you
know you shouldn't worry about sex you
know it's fine like people will reassure
her
now as to like that look at her as if
she has a problem that needs heal
rather than she just is modest um and I
think that's what tends to happen is you
look at promiscuity becomes so popular
and
normalized and then we stigmatize the
girls that aren't interested in that or
aren't that way um so yeah I think if I
think if you are a young woman now who's
who holds back in that way it's kind of
like if you're introverted and people
come up to you and say what's wrong you
should speak more and it's it's just
like sometimes it's just who you are um
so I think it's the incentives again
you're almost punished socially if
you're modest and shy and and not super
assertive and masculine because people
think you've got your like healing work
to do you need to become more confident
and like sexual and like get rid of all
your reservations and like repression
people think you're just like a
repressed person rather than everybody
should be tan Mojo whatever she called
like she's she's like released herself
of all her kind of traumas and burdens
everybody is Tanner at zero yes and you
just need to try and get back there
yeah is there a wistfulness for times of
the past there sort of nostalgia for a
better time I don't know when it was
maybe before you were born maybe when
your parents were around or something
yeah or I don't
know slightly older Generations would
have that kind of wistfulness American
Dream Etc yeah what did jenzi think of
the current moment do they think that
it's liberating because it seems like
there's two things going on at once that
life is horrible and terrible and I have
anxious attachment and maybe autism yeah
and
also I'm fully liberated to be myself I
can be whatever I want to be I can go
boss my way through promiscuity and sell
my body on only funds and make loads of
money and I don't need no man yeah so
which one is it I know there's like like
crippling anxiety among young women but
also this really loud I don't care
message um I think I think young people
in general are very nostalgic for a
time they they haven't known which is a
time before smartphones and social media
so if you look at like Jonathan height
again he did a survey recently and found
that a lot of jenzy wish things like Tik
Tok and Instagram never existed which is
kind of unusual you don't really get
that with any other inventions like he
was talking about the bike and like um
the hair dryer like it's really not that
level of I'm I use this all the time and
wish that I
didn't um and I think there's a lot of
that ambient feeling among genen Z of
like longing for a time for example When
Love wasn't like reacting to someone's
Instagram story or swiping on Tinder um
you know some young women have never
experienced love before it became that
uh like the mystery of having a crush on
someone and falling in love like now you
just you can't wonder what they're up to
you just kind of skip through their
Instagram story or look at their
Facebook profile and it's all listed out
there so I think there's a real feeling
of like disenchantment with the modern
world where it's like everything has
become so
commodified and cheap and there's like a
Nostalgia for a time maybe they didn't
exist but everyone tells me the '90s
were way better so I'm just going to
assume they're telling the truth but a
time before phones and the internet and
the commodification of everything became
so
extreme um because now everything I I
try and explain to people like the very
concept of things has changed so
friendship for my generation versus
friendship for my parents generation
friendship now is like your friends
online you maybe have a snap streak that
you keep up you pose for each other's
Instagram uh you don't really
necessarily hang out as much as you used
to there's not really again friends
don't give each other guidance or tell
each other what to do because that would
be rude and toxic um and so the the
definition of friendship has changed in
this era the definition of Love Has
Changed of flirting
everything um
which is why like you can talk about
kids being on screens and it's kind of
sad but like the actual truth of what's
changed is insane and the fact that
young people are anxious and can't cope
with it is not because they have a
disorder it's because they're the first
to try and feel their way through a
completely different world yeah with no
rules or strategies or archetypes or
stories with a generation that can't
relate doesn't relate you've just taught
them how to use the iPad yeah what are
they going to be able to teach you about
how to handle this yeah and that's kind
of why you can't blame them for not
giving guidance because the world moves
so fast there's no such there's no
wisdom anymore you you can't pass
anything down so now you just have to
keep up with the kids it's irrelevant as
soon as it leaves your Labs yeah and I
know you have adults like talking like
teenagers and using the same social
media platforms being informed of the
new trends which has always been a thing
but now now CU like adults go to young
people to get guidance about the world
um and that makes young people anxious
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