Meet The $100,000,000 Power Couple Who Sold Everything | Hormozi

Alex and Layla hermosi have become the ultimate power couple together they made over a hundred million dollars by their early 30s and today they're sharing the secrets behind creating a successful relationship the single most important decision that you make of all decisions in life is who you spend your life with building a multi-million dollar business right now is pacing uh just about 250 million a year and how finding the right partner could be the best or worst Investments you will ever make yeah you should learn how to do this like let's build a [ __ ] business on this episode of the ice coffee hour uh this episode of subscribe thank you guys for tuning in subscribe down below and let's get on with the episode but first we gotta thank our sponsor match oh boy now I've known Jack for a while now and uh he's perpetually single which I'm not complaining about because that means he has more time to work and although I love focusing on myself I'm still a sad lonely nobody and I'm a loser with no friend Graham did you write this script listen I've been working on myself lately and it's honestly been amazing for me and surprisingly it's something that girls actually find kind of a try active and now that I'm ready to get back out there it's nice knowing that being in a relationship actually might save me some money match's latest study of over 5 000 us singles reveals that while the cost of being single is skyrocketed in the last 10 years more singles are looking to ditch the white tablecloth and opt for freezy frail free dates in fact over 30 of singles said that they prefer to do a free activity on the first date saving you money and the busier things have gotten the less I've been going out and meeting girls in person how do you like the script Jack it's the truth though it is the truth so having the match app has allowed me to maintain my busy schedule while also allowing me to put myself out there and just to prove that match has been my favorite dating app recently I left my profile link Down Below in the description so for the audience demographic that's like 15 that are girls that are listening check it out so having the match app has allowed me to maintain my busy schedule while also giving me time to put myself out there to see what happens and the best relationships show up when you show up for yourself first and there's never a better time to try out match so check it out with that linked down below right in time for the holidays so bring home someone good for your parents maybe it'll be me okay thank you so much match and back to the podcast hello we are Alex and Layla hermosi we run acquisition.com which is a private Equity Fund firm uh that we just privately manage our own wealth sounds really agree just when you put it like that yeah um yeah we're portfolio companies does uh right now is pacing uh just about 250 million a year it's been a crazy Journey my wife and I um met a long time ago and or actually feels like it wasn't that long ago how long ago was it seven seven years yeah seven yeah but it's a lot has happened since then so um yeah I'll give you the quick present so I was a Consulting bro who like did really well in school did the consulting job did my two years was gonna go try and get into Harvard you know scored really well realized that I wanted to be an entrepreneur in the two years of business school and the cost Associated like I couldn't pencil it out I was like I could take that money and do two years probably make the same money or more so I decided to go that route um I was 23 I opened my first gym in California so I drove across the country um and opened a gym because that's what I thought I knew um I didn't know anything but I thought I knew a little bit about Fitness knew nothing about business and that was a rude awakening for me slept there on the floor for the first nine months and then was able to kind of figure it out as I went I talked to gym owners every single weekend I would fly out or drive out and just like harass them to teach me more about how to run the gyms learned a ton and then from there every six months after the first nine months I opened a new location until we had six and uh right around then is when uh Layla and I met so I had I think five locations when Leila and I met I had just spoken at an event because they had heard that I opened each of my gyms at full capacity so marketing guy had heard about this thing that I would do which I would I'd run these big promotions and I'd pre-sell the whole thing and I would use the cash and the pre-sales to actually pay for the the actual facility so I never took cash out of pocket which is why I was able to open them so fast and um he's like dude you got to speak at my event and tell how you did it so I spoke at this event and after I got off stage and like I was just hoping I wasn't boring people and I got got mobbed like I've never been still to this day I've never been so like like people were in the bathroom with me like I was like this is this is a lot wait there what do you mean they're in the back like I could it took me an hour to get from the stage to the bathroom so they were following you into that they just want to ask you a question about business or like gym business or Fitness business business in general but mostly Fitness stuff because that's what I was like here's how I'm getting you know 30 to one back on I was like every dollar I put in I get 30 back and here's the ads and I just I didn't know how presentations work so I was just like this is what I do and they're like hey I want to sign up for whatever your thing is and I was like I don't have a thing I'm just this is just what I do like these are these are my numbers this and they're like you have to have something can I can I pay you for time because I was like no I don't want to tell anybody what I'm doing I just made this presentation go away but I got like a hundred like literally I had an Excel sheet for to manage the 100 business cards I got from just that speech without wanting to um and I met Layla I want to say like that week and it's like right after like literally the week after yeah on Bumble okay yeah on Bumble yeah so you can probably pick it up from Bumble right udmed yeah let the record show that's house yeah what was your experience with Bumble by the way I mean better than Tinder yeah you know what I'm saying what happened on Tinder yeah I mean like it was just like inundated with photos that I didn't want to see and so I was like this is nasty and Bumble was just coming onto the scene then then I think like it was fairly new still and like my girlfriends that were like a little more classy told me about it and I was like oh okay I'm definitely gonna do that and so you know I'm on Bumble and I'm ironically like I am in California I had graduated college and I had graduated with a degree in exercise science and then the day after I graduated I drove I like packed up my Prius and I drove out to California and I was like I'm gonna just I got like a dumpy apartment that was like in the ghetto of Costa Mesa I then was like I'm gonna get a job at a gym so get a job at a gym I applied to like literally every gym I got accepted all them and like I didn't even work at one of the nice ones because in the beginning I was like okay well when can I start making sales and money and they're like you have to go through three month training program I was like screw this like I need money now because I don't have money to pay for my apartment and so I did that and then I worked my way up to being one of the top sellers at the gym I was at I then took my clientele went to a private facility would train them there and then started doing that plus online training because that was like right at the precipice of when online was like starting so I was like you didn't need to know how to do anything and you could have people you know I was just like you want to be my online client for 500 a month like it was just like so easy 500 a month oh yeah you think that's a lot yeah it's just like you know they have an online portal you're doing their what what food they're supposed to be eating you're giving them their workout regimen or is that like videos like watching them work out no oh it's just a schedule wow yeah interests the program okay it was so easy okay yeah so anyways you know I'm doing that and I'm like I knew that I wanted to have a business one day I just didn't know what it looked like I knew it was some kind of Fitness business and dating out in California was tough because like I'm from the Midwest and like I'm ambitious and I'm not I'm not like a lot of the girls in California where it's like you know I would be like Oh I'm single and they're like you should be going on a date for breakfast lunch and dinner and I was like bro what like I'm working you know what I mean and so I got on Bumble and I was like my goal was every day at lunch I would swipe the whole lunch and that was just like my assignment to myself and so I did that until I met Alex but now why did you decide that that was the right time for you to find somebody I didn't think it was okay I just was like I one I have no friends two all I do is work uh I need to do like if I don't start now I'm like how long is it gonna take me to find somebody how old were you uh 23 and what was the objective of doing that was it to find like a lifelong partner or was it just to like it was just honestly it was just like somebody to have fun with you know what I mean like it was like I had no friends I didn't know anybody out there I was like gosh like I I have to try you know what I mean like find somebody that would just be cool to hang out with because I felt like a lot of the guys I would meet like I literally went on one day I'll tell you this I meet this guy he's really cool we go on this date you know I thought he was awesome he like you know has good things going for him he's like ambitious and stuff and that was what I was looking for specifically I want someone who's ambitious who had like their own going for them and the second date he takes me to uh Javier's oh god oh it's very fancy a very nice restaurant very nice place with like a couple of his friends and I think you know everyone was like drinking a little bit I barely did at that point and at the end of the dinner we like saw guidelined afterwards and he was like Hey and I was like yeah he's like just like not talk as much that'd be great and I was like what and he's like yeah I mean like you know like you look really nice and like if you were just like you know I want you to come to the dinner and like sit and like look nice and I was like oh oh we are not one in the same and I was like this is not gonna as bluntly as that yeah and that was like mackerel that sums up my dating experience in Newport Beach California was like why can't you just shut the [ __ ] up and look pretty trophy that's what everybody wanted okay and I've just never been that person you know I mean like when I moved there everyone's like I'm trying to get clients for example and they'd be like hike up your shorts pull down your shirt and I was like what the I was like I will win off being so good at business not off of showing off skin right and that's just always who I've been so that was my experience up until Alex was just a lot of that and then I was like all skin all the yeah hold it down yeah yeah I got a question so were you guys paying for Bumble premium like the the advanced I don't think that exists I remember it it just like started really I didn't because I was I don't need unlimited unlimited bucks I was like I'll play I'll play on steroids I'll play Nash I'll go yeah yeah and and you were not paying for it as well interesting okay so you guys know Andre Jack right yeah Andre yeah the finance YouTuber he basically came to me and he's like hey man I know you don't pay for apps because I have you know I got them all and he says but you should it's a numbers game and if you just swipe and swipe and swipe you have a higher chance of finding a right match and they also show you who likes you if you pay for cinder Platinum which saves you copious amounts of time right and it's worth it if you average out your you know the value of your time and the time spent on the apps if you don't have it it's worth it makes sense we're just both cheap I think yeah I was super cheap back then so like okay I just don't think I was like fair enough do you remember swiping on Alex's profile let's set that apart well it was a picture of a guy with a six pack oh my God no that was the that's like really that in the water yeah in the water with sunglasses on it was it was it was not like in the mirror I was like at the beach okay literally in the water half so someone else took the thing I was like I was I've had some floaty or whatever that I was like moving and some just had to like can you tell us was that it was an old picture okay which I realized when we met yeah so that was who it was but it specifically it was like Fitness and business so it was like own five gyms Fitness and then like something else you you remember expensive steaks cheap bourbon some expenses takes can you buying that yeah but I was like oh business and fitness like that sounds like me too so that was why I swiped yeah and then he messaged me immediately after I messaged him and was like we should get off the app let's talk on the phone and that was actually what I appreciated the most is I was like I'm so sick of these guys that have like so much time to waste you know like talking on these apps not actually like moving forward to a date I was like this is just like lame so I actually really appreciate that he wanted to talk on the phone but first we got to thank our sponsor Ridge wallets I don't know about you guys but I've had way too many wallets to count and every time I get a new wallet it 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was the first date I went on after being an in five relationship there were no apps like I I didn't know any of how this world worked so I had texted with this girl or whatever and I was like hey uh I live in this I lived in a really nice condo um I was like oh there's like this whole pool thingy area like we can meet at my place and then we'll like go hang out there Grill whatever middle of the day so I wasn't trying to be you know sketchy or whatever I now realize that it is incredibly sketchy for a girl to just meet a guy at his place on the first date without a conversation right so like that's who I was dealing with here so she just shows up at my door we I let her in and I still only think about this in retrospect and we have probably the most awkward no like weird exchange like I don't know what to talk to you about anything and then this is maybe like a 45 or 60 Minute date and and then she was like hey do you have any food and I was like yeah I've got like leftovers and she was like I was like do you want food and she was like yeah that'd be great she was like I've got I gotta go up to LA tonight for dinner and I was like and then it like became clear was another date and so I was like okay so I'm lunch got it all right so I know it was another date I couldn't have been like friends or family you know what I mean like I'm guessing she also was hungry in a different way and that's why she was there to eat lunch so anyways I like literally heated up leftovers I gave her a plate she ate it like she was hungry she ate the whole plate and then I was like bye you know like did she not leave you a tip I mean I feel like yeah it's a gratuity of some sort that was my first online dating exchange and I was like this process is broken how did you kick her out I was like she finished yeah she finished and then left right right and so I was gonna finish your plate um that taught me a really important lesson which is I was like no more dates without a phone screen and so um I would get on and within two messages I would say hey I have lunch at this time I can call you at that time while I'm on my way like what's your number and four out of five times the girls would be like thank God like I don't want to talk on these apps all day and then one out of five times it would be a ghost so that was my like my metric there and so I would get on the phone and I would do a phone screen so I was just like hey you know how's it going what's going on whatever whatever and so what happened though and I think reason my like close rate was higher was that I would go to the date with like a first aid out of the way so we'd have like a 15 or 20 minute call and so I'd be like oh yeah right because your brother he's in Iowa and he's a medical engineer yeah totally and so if there was just more Rapport and more like feeling of familiarity and so anyways um that became a Mainstay in the process and I would always do Froyo for the first date if I could to have a low commitment so we can back out in like five or ten minutes if it's like not good and so that was um anyways that was my that was my bundle dating I have a funny Tinder story I think I've told you this one Jack but I was trying to optimize for Tinder yeah and I noticed that maybe I'd only get a few matches a day and gosh this must have been like 10 years ago I was swiping and all of a sudden I see like this blue like this glowing blue profile oh yeah I'm like what it's what is this and it's a super like yeah and so I screenshotted it and I photoshopped my main picture to be a super like because I think you're only around unlimited super likes on every single girl every every single one and I went from getting maybe a few matches a day to hundreds no and it lasts about three to three weeks and then my profile was taken down oh you got banned I got that that's smart but it works brilliant that's so good um yeah so that's so we actually did uh we did Froyo for the first date true to the true to the process you know stick to the process um very romantic yeah and I actually so Layla actually got there first um and I was walking up from behind her and uh I immediately was like [ __ ] because she has a full back tat um like back to back to tailbone and I was like no this is not going to be a good date um so like he walks up were you wearing an open back yeah yeah I didn't even think about it though because like I got this thing you know 10 years ago whatever it was so long ago and I was like when I was high and like it is what it is but um he walks up and back and then he comes in the front and like he's just like hey and I was like oh God I was like and he was like you want to go in get some Pro I was like I was like let's knock this out I was like half smiling like yeah you know like hey you know and we go in and we're standing in line I remember just looking at his face he was like I don't think we talked he didn't talk I'm dead serious I think I don't think we talked how do you have that confidence to not feel like you need to like you know be energetic in a date you know I think it's Supply demand you really yeah so as long as you go on so many dates it just doesn't you no longer follow that antsiness and like but didn't you get a lot of that out in the phone call in the phone screening process there was definitely yeah the phone screen went and actually Layla tried to cancel on the date she did but I I told him I was sick and he goes you're not sick how do you know how did you know I was just like I've been selling for a long time you know what I mean I was like what gave it away I could just she didn't have conviction in there in her and her she's like oh well I'm kind of sick I was like you're on the phone with me I was like oh that's sick I was like I was like no I really don't feel good he's like yeah you're fine we're going on the date tomorrow and I was like what holy cow that's a power move right there I kind of appreciated it because you don't imagine nobody ever pushes back on me but unless like I'm used to did you feel the need to say you were sick like what made you hesitant about that yeah I think I was hungover because I went out and partied the night before God so you weren't feeling well then and I was like oh I just don't want to you know okay this like what do I care I was and like listen I've had so many bad dates at this point like I'm pretty sure the one right before that the guy like tried to sneak me into a movie without paying like it was just like it was bad he tried to sneak because he wanted to save the like you want to save money and how did he did he end up doing it successfully we got we went in I was like wait don't we have to take he's like no I have this special uh paths and I was like okay and you got it and so we went in and then the security came up to us no and they were like you need to leave you snuck into the movie so I was like wait did you he's like oh I was just trying to save a few dollars man like it was just like movie First Date yeah I don't know part of me thought that Alex might be like a little bit of a sociopath when I talked to him so I was like I don't know like the way he's talking and everything like it sounds a little sketchy yeah so that was honestly like my inkling as well and then you know turned out to be true so yeah there you go so what happened with the tattoos you're in line and you're not saying anything so no I mean yeah we weren't saying anything and then I also tend to be a little bit of a hangry person so like if I don't eat for a while um I'm not as friendly um and so I got so I you know I started a couple bites for Froyo got a little sugar in my system and I was like all right tell me about you what's going and then you know it it warmed up okay and then and then we had a great conversation because she wanted to talk about business and so I was like great and because the vast majority of my dates was always just like me spending a lot of energy pretending to be interested in whatever they were saying um and I was like I don't have to pretend to be interested in what you're saying this is great we're gonna talk about what I want to talk about which is business so I'll talk all day and so we talked like four hours we like went on a walk for like we went and walked like two something miles like just talking and which I had also read was a way of increasing trust faster because people trust inherently people they travel with he told me that while we were walking oh he's like listen to what I'm doing to you right it's like I'm increasing Rapport faster that's like let's go for a walk and was there certain like aha moment where you were on the date and you're like okay this is good you check all the boxes and we're good to go there had to have been for you because you came to my car right after yeah yeah so I had to go to a dinner um just a friend's dinner and uh I was like hey I actually need to buy steak and stuff for this dinner I'm gonna go so I was like want to grocery shop with me for like 30 minutes because we were like in a retail shopping yeah I got it and she was like okay and so then we shopped for like the last 30 minutes or what 20 minutes whatever it was to to get the steaks and then I was like hey this was fun let's do this again and then he called me that night yeah and then we talked for like three hours three hours yeah and then after that the thing the thing that made this religiousness yeah you're talking about just all business and honestly we talked about a lot of stuff from the very beginning like views on everything in life essentially you know what I mean like just perspective yeah yeah okay 100 was there anything romantic at that point or it was mostly just like hey we hit it up you're smiling and you're shaking your head I was thinking about in the pool do you remember what I said oh yeah yeah yeah no there was not romantic Vibes in the beginning which is like weird because like we're like physically a very compatible match and everything but like I think we were just like for me at least I was like it's just so nice to talk to someone that I actually want to talk to like I was like I want to keep talking to this person I'm just so interested that was the word it was like I'm so interested more interested than I am concerned with like anything else yeah yeah and what was it that you said in the pool so it was our second date yeah it was our second right um and we were in the pool and I was just surprised because I think by then we'd gone on to this is our second date and he didn't try to kiss me on the first date and then we're on the second date and we're like in the pool playing around I'm in a bikini and he didn't try and kiss me or anything and I was like I don't understand why is this guy not trying to kiss me so I literally looked at him and I was like I just feel like I just kind of get just friend Vibes and he was like he had never seen all of a sudden his face turned from like super friendly to like you're gonna learn and he was like friend and then he like threw his head back and Chuckles and he was like I'll show you you know like oh my gosh it was I said it never trigger point is to be a friend oh no never it was so fun yeah not once in my entire life had a girl said I get friend vibes from you ever like ever and so to me it was like this is the funniest like I I laugh like a psychopath when I heard that so I was like that is the funniest thing he wouldn't stop laughing and I was like and then I got kind of scared I was like I don't know what I said wrong yeah and so uh yeah the resolution yeah we resolved that we were not friends uh you know that was that was he kissed me made my intentions good nice um but yeah but I mean the I think that the thing that was interesting for me at least was that the word that she used interested was the same one that I had I was like she's just interesting like I I enjoyed talking to her I wanted to keep talking to her um and I didn't feel like there was a lot of effort on my part to like keep conversation go or anything like that and so um what pretty much after that first date we hung out every day and so it was much more like uh and we didn't go on dates I was just like I'm gonna be working all day you can work next to me if you want and she was like sure and so that was what we did and so we pretty much just like started living life together like as soon as we as soon as we met and there wasn't a lot of like relationships take because within the first week of us of us being together I was like you should you should quit your thing and work with me like even if I remember saying I was like even if this doesn't work out or like I don't come with the deal like this is employment this is what I would pay and it'll beat whatever your pay getting paid because I know like if you can sell like we can make a ton of money together and that so I was not receptive at first yeah she was not receptive why is that but we just we just met I mean it's all your eggs and career yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and you know he pointed out that like everyone's he you know the options that I had were like people trying to basically like monetize me yeah and he's like you're bringing everything to table then he's like but come work with me and I was like well he's like yeah we could make way more money so it took like a few weeks yeah okay I mean and that was where I was like I have this new idea and that's because I just spoken at that event to go full circle so I'd just spoken at that event I had all these business cards and I was like I can make some money doing this like just figuring out how to like help other people like launch their gyms and so I um I was like I'm gonna start this thing called gym launch and uh like the next time she came over like I had all the docs and the bank accounts and everything like it was all set up and she was like like you're gonna do it I was like yes I was gonna do it like let's go do it but she still wasn't like sure because she had a full book of business it takes like a year or two years sometimes to build up a full like training roster and so she already had that so it would be like significant cost or risk to walk away from that and so I was like I'm gonna go do this and I'll come back and let you know how it goes and so I called every night while I was doing these launches and so I did three launches in like I want to say like six weeks something like that it was like two and a half weeks it was definitely longer that was that I was at Josh's for two and a half weeks and I did three launches so I feel like it was two weeks it was like six weeks and so and then I flew back and she picked me up from the airport and she was like you have to take me on a date that's the because I hadn't taken on a date like I was like I need to set some standards here which is like you know we've been going to Panda Express and chipotle every night and like as nice as tomorrow I was like we should go do something that's like cute and fun you know where did you guys go on the date The Cliff in Laguna Beach okay and as she picked me up I was like hey I know I promised you were on a date I did this one thing first and she was like dude seriously she was like dressed up ready to go and I was like just so I poured her a glass of like whiskey or something and then I ordered myself one and I taught her how to process payments and so I took out this fat sack of contracts and I was like can you just help me process all these and so we processed like 45 minutes later we had process like 120 Grand or something like that um in an hour and uh I knew what I was doing and so I was like so like you want to do this thing with me and uh who the first question she asked me was is this legal I didn't know you know you also have to understand context which is like Alex's apartment at the time for example like you walk in it's like pristine clean with like pictures of animals and killing positions on the walls and then like in the fridge it's just like Diet Coke and yogurt and he drinks egg whites out of a carton while he's drinking whiskey like you know I'm like questionable what taught you that that was a normal way of like life well I didn't normal way of life but I didn't want a normal life well yeah I mean I had I had Coke Zero I had Red Bull I had uh Greek yogurt that was zero percent and I had egg whites and then I had uh Johnny Walker Black is Coke Zero that unhealthy because I've been getting into Diet Coke lately and I hear like a lot of people tell me like it has what do they call carcinogens how smart are those people sorry I don't know that's the thing you know I don't know I know nothing about nutrition so anybody's probably let's blow up the comments it's fine it's fine it's better at a week and it wouldn't be unhealthy for you sure really if you drink water all day great yeah it's also better to like not drive in cars only walk everywhere like don't smoke don't see people like live in a bubble your whole life you're facing the dirt every morning not live but if drinking a Coke Zero is the thing that you're like most concerned about in your life and you're doing everything else which is a big obvious stuff like the people who are upset about like Diet Coke and cokes here are the ones that like don't even work out I'm like dude why don't you just like shut the [ __ ] and you're a very clean person just in general I'm neat I'm very I'm like I'm tidy I don't like stuff out well you pick up after me so now it's like you don't have to be yeah you know like with myself like I I would I would spending very a lot of effort to not make a mess I wouldn't have to claim so I would like eat over the sink the same cup you know that's what I did yeah yeah one fork one spoon One Bowl that's it they just wash it as soon as they're done simple life yeah it worked out fine and I would always just put water on it and as soon as I would as soon as I would eat the next meal I would just because it was like yeah exactly one wipe and then it's funny the exact same thing dude it works fine and then I had all the the animal pictures on the wall of like in killing and attack positions because like I was really hardcore at the time like more than I am now um and I was just like I always want to be reminded that I'm either the predator of the prey I was pretty good I can't keep and he told me that it's intimidating doesn't that make you feel like the prey now no I just couldn't even take it seriously I was like I remember he told me and I started laughing and he was like what and I was like what you know like I just I don't know I thought it was quirky yeah it was only quirky but I was like it wasn't for her you know what I mean it was for me and so for me it was like if I didn't want to work or whatever I was just like everything around me was like keep going you know what I mean and so and that was the stage I was in business-wise like I was very much in the like I have to I have to grind I have to work a lot uh phase and so I just and that's why it worked out with us because I I didn't the biggest thing that biggest reason I believe that our among the biggest reasons is that Layla never tried to change me and that was something that I felt like was a constant in the majority of the other relationships that I had was like you're here I'm here let's meet in the middle and that's why I have such strong stances on compromise because I like I don't think you can compromise on you you know what I mean and so I always felt like I had to be less than or a different version of myself in order to like make the relationship work and um I also was in a season where like I just gotten out of a long relationship so I was like I'm not really bending the knee to anyone for anything like I'm not compromising if you don't like my schedule then cool like I'm not gonna stop living how I live and so she just kind of like oriented herself around me and it worked just amazingly well and I got to do what I want to do all day which is work and it was great how did you feel about that did you feel like you needed to compromise or or bend a little bit to fit Alex or what was your side of things on that no honestly I think we got really lucky because I was kind of always the same way which is like I'm not gonna like be less of myself and like less ambitious and less career oriented for a man because that was what typically they wanted of me so I actually really like the fact that he wanted to work all the time because I was just finally somebody that didn't tell me like oh you need to go do your hair and look pretty like it was someone who's like yeah you should learn how to do this like let's build a [ __ ] business like let's do all this stuff like I just love that he believed in me so much and I think most men that I dated up at that point sure I'm sure they believed in me but I don't think that they wanted me to ever be any better than I was because they were worried that it would be better than them where do you think that Independence came from have you always been like that was it an upbringing was it a I think it was a couple things yeah uh one you know like having one of my parents separated um and I lived with my mother she basically was an absent parent uh just you know alcohol and all that stuff and so for a period of time it was kind of like I raised myself like nobody was there kind of have to learn how to do things for yourself for context because Layla won't say it like Layla would be alone for days or weeks at a time as like a nine-year-old like a different vibe you know I mean just for context here yeah yeah um but either way I think it was that plus then when I finally moved in with my dad when they figured out like that my mom was not fit to be a parent um my dad he's always just instilled like a huge sense of like you need to have your own career you need to make your own money like you need to be self-sufficient as a woman um and he's always very adamant about that for me and my sister so I think it was hearing that as I'm growing up like that is the priority I think but a lot of women here is the priority is like you're gonna have a family and you're gonna have kids and like that's what you do versus like my dad was like you make money you have a living of your own you have a career like that's what you do and so if you're told that enough times I think that becomes kind of your frame of the world I remember I think it was either the first or second time we had U1 you said that there are two different you know relationship structures that work well and one is like we're in the trenches together we're grinding it out the other one is the cheerleader and the football player right and what is your sentiment towards this you said that we're in the trenches together is more powerful it's harder to break and it's just a better overall relationship is kind of what you were hinting at divorce rates for people who have made a dollar together in a business they started um is 10 so it's significantly lower and I think maybe that's because there's like in order to even get to that first dollar together with somebody like there's a lot of other things that have to be aligned and then you also have this post commitment kind of bias where you both want to keep this thing alive and you're both working together towards like a shared Mission or goal and so I think there's just a lot of alignment that happens there and there's also a lot of um context and so one of the things that I think happens in many relationships is that people get exposed to different stimuli and then they adapt to the stimuli and then they grow apart just because of the nature of just stimulus response right and so if you you're both in the same business together you're being exposed to the same stressors and then you you can grow together in the same direction and I think at least for us that's been our experience rather than having to like we just have a shared Mission and so we're on it together I think it's um something we were talking about the other day is you know we were talking to a guy and he was talking about wanting an open relationship and I come from the air of like I'm not the kind of woman who's like oh my husband should never look he never looks at another woman I assume that Alex looks at other women because he's a man like that is what men do and that's like how we're wired like we're humans right that's a human thing and I think what I subscribe to is that if you want a relationship to last then you have to create more reasons to stay with the person than to not because there's always reasons not to be with somebody Freedom autonomy you want to go bang other people whatever it is right it's like we have all these human instinctual things that are pulling us in One Direction can you create more reasons within your relationship to stay with that person so if you work together if you're on the same Mission together if you have the same values if you both like Fitness and Nutri and like all these things those are all the arguments as to why you want to be with that person and I think what happens a lot of relationships they just don't have much of an argument it's like cool we like each other and that's it like I can go for 10 other people and then there's nothing else in common they're not on the same Mission they have nothing else to argue so when things are hard your mind is going to go why am I with this person it's like I have a million reasons why I'm with Alex if we ever have a hard day it's like it that the thought of exiting doesn't even cross my mind because there's so much overwhelming evidence as to why it makes sense to stay don't you think it complicates things to also be in business that maybe now financially you you have an incentive to stay together I think I mean absolutely complicates things in terms of like there are more there are more layers to the relationship but I also think that to the same degree they can compound and become even you become even you have more potential for disruption but also more more potential for alignment so I'll say something yes which is like me and Alex when we were dating we broke up for six weeks um and we we talked about in the very beginning of our relationship like if we're gonna get into business together and do this together then we need to know what it would look like if we weren't together and so when we broke up we both uphold our end of the bargain like we were great Partners to each other without being in a relationship and so like I look at it like this which is like if you have to worry about the exit then you shouldn't be with the person I don't worry about that with Alex and I I even we talked about this the other day I was like it would we would just do that again you know what I mean like it would be amicable and so I think if you have to worry about what it would look like oh we're gonna fight over money and do stuff it's like then don't be with the person why did you guys break up was that on purpose it was it was mostly me yeah no not to test it no I'm gonna be like hey we should test pick you know let's see what it's like see how it goes I had so at the time this is like this was probably like during the hardest 90 to 120 days of probably my like career besides going out on my own and like starting the gym like that was very hard for me but this was like the next hardest season because like I had lost all the money because of a partnership that person had taken the money out of the account it was the whole thing so I'd lost basically all the money I'd had from opening and scaling all the gems so like when I met her I felt like I had high status because I had five gyms and I was successful I was doing these things and then I lost everything and then my mom got in an accident and then so she was at the hospital and then I got a DUI and a head-on collision um all within a matter of like a month and a half yeah and I just like and I and I still had a partnership for a chiropractor agency a partnership for a dental marketing agency I was doing the actual launches flying out not at home doing these launches and then I still had my five gyms at home and so I was so spread thin and I had so much emotional noise that was going on that I was like she actually came to me she almost like broke up with herself she was like do you want to not do this and I was like yeah that's fine that was literally the conversation I was like do you want to just not do this and he was like yeah I was like okay how long into the relationship was this well we were living and traveling together at this point we were in in Virginia we were in a different state launching a gym there together and uh seven months in yeah somewhere in there seven no how do you feel like a relationship complicated things for you at that time versus just being a business partner was it was yesterday no it's just like there's another Dynamic you know if we were just business partners there's not like another Dynamic of the relationship you have to take care of you know what I mean and what was that like for you going through all of those within a month and a half how did you come out of that better I mean I just I honestly I did not have attention that's all like so that was what I identified was that I was just way too spread thin and so I I mean I say this a lot but like a lot of times like the life you want is on the other side I have a few hard conversations and so I knew I shouldn't have been in those Partnerships like multiple of them I was still in the partnership with the guy who would take all the money you don't mean like I was so afraid of Confrontation and so I was like we need to end this and I was in another partnership and I was like I need to end that and then I was on it I was in three different Partnerships across those different companies and I ended all of them and the difficulty for I knew it was going to be a hard conversation because I was the one who was for the I mean I was there was I was the one who was bringing the money in and so it didn't didn't change my life but I knew it was going to change theirs if I left the dynamic of the relationship and so um that's why I was dreading those conversations and and so anyways I had all those conversations I you know cut back on my drinking significantly and then just try to like focus on the thing that was in front of me which was like this was actually Layla she was like dude the gym watch thing works like we should just like focus on that and uh I was like all right let's do that and so I lost all the money and then Layla went to launch this big gym in Hawaii and this and it ended up being and so one of the reasons that we got back together was that I never could rely on anyone and so it was like it was always Alex has to save the game right and I was accustomed to doing that I'd done over and over again in the business whatever and so when she flew out to Hawaii I basically was like you need to make this work like you have to crush this launch and I didn't have that much money left and it cost 10 grand to like put her up in Hawaii for it was like six weeks or whatever like hotels airfare in Hawaii is expensive and so she was splitting a house with five guys and it was still like 250 at night um but he was all I could like really afford and so we launched this gym in Hawaii and then in that time she set the all-time record for sales and so it was like at a time that was probably pretty difficult for her you know what I mean like we had just broken up what's my future look like what am I going to do with this guy you know whatever and she's in another state in the middle of the ocean um and I was like you have to come through and she did and so it was one of those times where like most people had always wilted Under Pressure but like Layla was hard as [ __ ] and I was like man wherever I'm going I know that I need someone like that with me because I know where I want to go and the life that I want to lead is not going to be normal and so I need somebody who can handle that kind of pressure and she crushed it and so we talked every night while we I mean just like we weren't like malicious we talked every night still about the business things that we were improving Etc and she came back and that cash was what I was able to put into all the refunds at this gym that I basically had to shut down that was my number six that that other guy was supposed to partner with me more than he dipped or whatever so I had to put I basically had a float payroll rent everything without bringing in new sales basically just out of my savings which sucked um and so all that cash went to there and so that was that was when she came back I was I was in a better place I'd like cleaned up a lot of these like hard conversations I needed to have and she had just like stood tall throughout the whole time and so I think what happened at that point is that Layla earned my respect and so like not that I didn't respect her before but like she had earned the respect like independent you know what I mean it wasn't like oh yeah we're gonna do this thing together and you're a girl that I'm with it was like I would do this with you even if we weren't together yeah and I think that was the pivot what kept you going Layla through that like what what motivated you at that point to work so hard I think I've always worked really hard and so it was just like I kind of like the moments when it's like you either like it's an inflection point right where it's like I could give up and I know what my life might look like I'll go back home I've got to go pick up training again I've got to go do all this stuff or I can [ __ ] like pull some strength out of myself and like crush it here and I think that I was looking for an opportunity to show him what I was capable of because I think also like Alex didn't trust me fully I think to that extent yet like in terms of like decisions you know like my input nothing at that point and I felt like I want to show him like I'm really [ __ ] capable and I remember thinking that to myself like he doesn't understand like I'm not I get it like I can do this and I think I looked at it as like I want to show him what I'm really made of and so it worked yeah and then and if I didn't then I would have still made a lot of money so it's fine sure yes I mean when she came back I think the dynamic of the relationship was just it was different it was better it was just like all right like game recognized game like all right what do you think about this you know so it was much more like before that it was very much like this is what we're gonna do this is the plan and after that I started being like what do you think about this this is where I'm this is where I'm at like me or two cents and so then and then it became much more of a partnership so that was a big aha moment basically that one was yeah whatever happened to the guy who stole the money were there any red flags that led up how much money so many red flags yeah can you say oh I mean so I'll tell you what what I knew what I what I was told which was that I you know I confronted was like Hey man like you just drained the bank account which is where I put all my savings to start this new thing together and so he had said hey like well I'll give the the 60 Second Story was I was launching all these gyms we were filling him up and he was like dude you're leaving all this money on the table and me being the distracted entrepreneur that I was I was like yeah I'm leaving all this money on the table I should be owning all these gyms that I'm launching he's like dude you launch a new gym every month and I'll just come behind you and I'll I'll staff it up and run it and that way and we'll just split it 50 50. I was like cool I don't want to run him like I'll just keep launching them and open him so that was the deal um but what ended up happening so I launched this gym we murder the launch um like 370 something people signed up which is really big for like a gym launch and uh and I was like all right man like you ready to run the thing he was like oh no I've got my location you handled that one and I was like whoa no no no no no no no like I already had my five locations like this is not my game anymore I'm not running gyms anymore like I already I've graduated from that like I'm not doing this um and so we had some stickiness and then I woke up one day and all the money from that gym that I'd done 300 plus and each ones of those is like six you know five six hundred dollars uh times 370. so there's a good amount of money in the account plus the money that I put in to like open it get things going Etc um it was all like gone and uh I was like dude with that he's like I know you've been skimming I was like what he's like I'm just taking my half he's like because I know you like you have already taken out the other half I was like dude I no I haven't I haven't and so I went to a coach and the coach was like just show him the math he's like just print out the bank statements and go line by line I was like okay so I printed out the bank statements and I went line by line and highlighted everything and I was like hey let's meet up um and he was like oh I don't want to see that and as soon as he didn't want to look at the math that's when I knew that I had been played and so at that point and the crazy part is like were there red flags he'd already been indicted for fraud I already knew this and he was like it was a misunderstanding and I believed him and that's one of those like you know the the the the saying uh when experience meets money and money meets experience seeing the experience gets the money and the money against the experience that was very much my I got the experience so lesson learned but the thing that like I would say as a as a kudos for Layla is that Layla has like Layla's people picker is it's dead on like I since we've been together like in a lot of the reasons that my you know my business has grown since meeting Layla versus before is that she's such a good judge of character like I trust people more easily and I tend to be overly giving and when I met Layla it was like this kind of unit I needed the Yang you know what I mean I needed someone to balance my like over optimism over trust like yeah let's do something I just want to be like do you even seem like rehe has stayed there she was like that was off I'm really curious about that how what do you look for is it is it to subconscious is it is it a feeling you get what what red flags stand out the most to you I I honestly don't know I mean it's just like instinctual I guess it's different with every person like with that guy it was like the moment I met him I was like he just seems like a crook like and it you also have to look like situational context which is Alex is when I'm at Alex and I I was like this is a very bright guy who is surrounded by people that are taking advantage of him who don't necessarily mean that they don't mean to take advantage of him but they can't help it because he's smarter than them he's better than them and so they're all getting the better end of the deal like he's doing more work and he's smarter than them bringing more to the table it was really obvious to me and I remember thinking like because I've always considered like a lot of the I've been a great supporter for people and so I saw that and I was like you just needs somebody that like really believes in him and like can advocate for him like rather than him doing that for other people and so seeing that guy and like meeting him I think I just didn't trust like I don't know it might I have no idea what it is honestly I wish I can't put words to it because I don't know what it is but like honestly it might be because I pride myself on my character so like my father has insanely good character I've always prided myself around like I can't be the smartest person in the room but like I can have really great character and so I look for that in people more than anything more than like smarts more than Intel like anything I look at character and so I think it's just if you look at something all day you hire for it you filter your friends for it you don't talk to family because of it like it's just Forefront of mind I mean I was just gonna add that um like I a lot I had every one of the businesses I had started up to that point except for my very first gym um which I very quickly brought Partners into um I always had this like fear of doing it on my own right so I always just wanted someone there um and when I look back on my business trajectory like all the businesses that I just did on my own I made a ton of money and all the ones that I partnered on I made not a lot of money and was terrible and so like you know if if you go in 10 relationships and everyone's terrible it's like it might be you so I might have been a bad partner which is very possible or pick bad Partners or a combination of those things but um I think when Leila and I partnered up I trusted Layla um and I actually automatically even in the first you know when I went to go travel like in the very beginning to go try this gym launch thing out I gave her all my bank account passwords I told her to go pick up the cash from all my facilities every week and so she would be handling like 11 grand every week and just cash that she would just like pick up from all the she'd just drive around and pick up envelopes of like hundreds and whatever and she just you know and she was just depositing him for me because she's like this guy's ridiculous and to be fair it is kind of ridiculous but like I just felt like I could trust her yeah did you ever get sketched out that you're picking up envelopes of cash and depositing on on Alex's behalf like that could have been a thing where like now you take the the call for it no I don't think so I think I thought more that it was ridiculous I'm like why would you give this to me like I've you've known me for a week like that's not a smart idea and he was like I just know I can trust you and I to myself I'm like well obviously you can trust me but like how do you know you know it's only been a week yeah so you kind of lucked out in a sense of like you had kind of been taken advantage of by other partners time and time again and then just one random time you over trusted another person like you had in the past but it had been the right person and then it helped you just for the record like I don't I I wish no ill intent and even the guy that that took everything like I hope he's doing better um I and I think a lot of those Partnerships that didn't work it's not like hey I wouldn't even describe it as them I mean Layla uses a stronger language because she was on the outside but on the inside like I don't think anyone had malicious intent I think that that everyone came with skill sets and I think that I tended to have more money making skill sets you know at the time and it worked out that way but like I wish all those people you know positive success you know since then good question when you talk about money making skill sets like what exactly were those skill sets that were your money making ones was like business Acumen just raw intelligence was it like experience I knew how to Market I knew how to sell it was marketing and selling that in the beginning I mean that's what you need you got to know how to Market you gotta know how to sell because if you can't do that then there's no point in like you can't get people to try your thing unless you get someone to buy it and so it's like that's the first thing you need is you need to learn how to promote and you learn how to sell after that then by all means fix the product get it better improve it Etc and then that becomes a much stronger Force but in the beginning you gotta learn how to promote and what were the biggest contributors to that exact money making skill set the marketing and selling was it reading or experience I mean it was uh I would go to I went to a workshop in 2013 and the guy taught Facebook ads in a weekend and so I learned how to run Facebook ads and I was like all right it wasn't as simple as that though like I'm sure you probably did tons no I mean it was it was it was as simple as that really I went there and he was like here's how you run an ad and I was like okay what year was this 2013 yeah oh that's why when no one was doing Facebook yeah I've been very like there have been a lot of things like I've been very lucky you know what I mean like I'm at Layla there are not many Layla's like I recognize that not many there are not many girls who are Persian who are into fitness who love business who want to just work all the time and build something epic like a lot of girls will say that because they want you to like them and be with them but they don't actually want that because then they're always like hey you've worked enough like let's go do this thing or like if I'm working or if I'm like editing the book and it's like four days straight it is what it is like this is this is my life this is what I love doing and we just made it work that way but like anyways all that to say like I've been very lucky in that way and I was lucky at at that you know for that Workshop which was only recommended to me by chance by another guy that I was supposed to partner with and he backed out the night before which is why I got the full gym rather than a 50 50 split on my first one like there's a lot of things that I lucked out on and so like you know I was born you know my dad's a doctor like I was lucky with that I you know like there's a lot of things that I luck out on it's interesting I don't picture you as someone nor you really who necessarily believes in luck so it's interesting you say that I think I can be put into a condition that has a higher likelihood of a probable like a positive outcome for sure if I were born in Bangladesh like same everything but likely that I'd be here significantly lower possible yes likely significantly less likely what do you think about that Layla I think there's just things that you can't control yeah and so it's like by happenstance it's like hand it to you yeah and so like I think about we talk about like meeting each other because people are like how do we get a relationship like yours I'm like I don't know like I don't have an answer because I think we're really lucky to have met each other and I don't think that this relationship Dynamic would work for a lot of other people that either of us would have met yeah so nor is it common it's like how could we control to make that circumstance happen you can't really like you can you know try and it's a numbers game and all that but like think how many other people I know because they send me screenshots they're trying to find their Alex and Layla on Bumble and they can't and so it's like there's things like that that just happen and you're like you just gotta take the cards you dealt you know and be grateful for it it's interesting because I think that like the single great the single most important decision that you make of all decisions in life is who you spend your life with like as your significant other and if you look at all the stats in terms of amount of time spent with people like time spent with family basically drops off at 25 like it's very very low after that time spent with siblings same thing time spent with spend with friends starts dropping off at like 30 pretty aggressively and then the two that increase a lot for the majority of your life are time spent with spouse is number one and then in between those is time spent with co-workers so your co-workers matter way more than your friends do in terms of hours per day so like where you work is actually incredibly important for your overall like your subjective well-being but like there's one person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with if you believe in marriage and like the strength of the relationship you have with your significant other has a 0.71 correlation to your overall subjective well-being so more than anything how well you get along with the person you spend all your time with which makes sense you spend the majority of your time with this person and so I think that if there's ever something to be obsessive over it would be that you saw that chart on Twitter huh which the chart the X and Y and then you have it was a bunch of lines yeah who post what is that it was uh it was this thing that I saw on Twitter and it basically was just obviously X and Y yeah and then you had a line and it's age and then it each different mine had a different color showing you know different groups of people you would spend your time with children like you said co-workers spouse and it shows over time and they obviously all average up to 100 on the y-axis and it just shows the lines change that's a great account go follow them yeah yeah he's got great stuff and that so like it just further proves the like at least for me you know I mean like Caleb's here and he knows but like I will buy 60 pairs of shorts and wear all of them to figure out which one is the one that I like the most I'll buy 40 pairs of barefoot shoes to figure out the one that I like the most like I do that with everything can you say because everyone was asking the last time you came on no I won't you will not say I haven't responded to mine they haven't responded to my DM no I'm not really is there any way we can get somehow put them in touch with you like I feel like oh um you shout them out once and everyone I already did I did one time still you shouted them out yeah I did I did they didn't respond and where could people find it what so I want to ask just a general relationship question so I I believe that there are mainly three pillars to a successful relationship such as shared values cool shared interests and just raw chemistry right okay I think those are the three things as long as you can check those three boxes everything else obviously it matters to some extent but those are the main three boxes you need to check to make sure your partner is viable one I swapped with one of I swap one of them out which one so chemistry out swap because that's going to disappear in terms of like literally your chemical soup and your brain goes back to normal after two years so like that that feeling goes away and so what I would swap with that is something long term which is Mission which is do you want to do the same thing on earth just like shared Mission values is how you so do you want to go to the same place this is how you get there and interest is the stuff you do along the way Tony Robbins talks about it a lot but you can create chemistry yeah in fact we've talked about it a ton because we have to manage our chemistry because of how much we work together yeah how do you do that space how do you create space so many ways I mean independent vacations [Laughter] I'm going to Mexico we'll meet back in the US no I mean I think some of it's physical space which is like you know we technically work together all day right but we don't we stay in separate areas of the house we work on different things like we're very segmented in terms of our responsibilities set in terms of what we do in the business and outside and then on the other side of that it's being able to switch hats which is there's Alex and Layla that work together and you see in the public eye and then there's Alex and Layla that are themselves in their condo when nobody's their husband and wife and so it's being able to switch between those two Dynamics because if you constantly keep on the work hat then like there's no chemistry you know what I mean because what happens is you're not it's the side of you that provokes chemistry and the person like for a woman right for me it's like am I being feminine I'm playful and funny and you know light-hearted well it's like at work I'm not going to beat those things because it's more of like a masculine energy at work where you're like driving things forward making decisions like very decisive outspoken so for me it's been learning how to swap the hats and I think we've both worked on that a lot over the years um so now it feels easy I mean now it feels like the moment people leave like we talk in a different voice yeah like our manners I do a little bit Yeah like a little playful um no I think I think the things that's improved is that we've got our our speed to be able to change gears has improved so what used to maybe take like an hour or two hours to wind down like to switch gears is now like we can do it in almost an instant um and so that's that's been like being able to shift energy is really like the the Crux of it like you can feel like right now you have business Alex and Layla like this is like we can talk objectively about the marriage but this isn't like our relationship Dynamic you know what I mean this is our work dynamic because this is work you know I mean for us you know what I mean but when we are when we're you know at home alone like we're pretty playful you know what I mean like we we tell a lot of jokes we like we'll we'll [ __ ] with each other a lot like there's a lot of practical flights and stuff just like we're really funny yeah there's a lot of games like we just yeah we're pretty goofy and we're it's incredibly light-hearted which is a strong juxtapose against probably what most people see which is just like hard charging incredibly stoic Work Hard Play Hard business yeah but what if something's going on with the business between you two maybe a disagreement that you have on that how does that not bleed over and affect that part we've had disagreements and we've walked out the door and looked at each other and just said I love you yeah and then we just move on to like we're not in this disagreement currently and and being in a dis and like again this like I think we're very fortunate with this because so as a reminder to the audience like we pretty much started doing business together day one and so like we've only had a business Dynamic if anything we had to work harder on the relationships are the Romantic side than the business side so like business came natural to us like it was like a first language for us and then we learned the romance act which is why she was saying like you can create chemistry like you can do it like you just do the things and like the camera she's there with disagreements we that they're short-lived and a lot of times like I think we're pretty good at compartmentalizing it like if we disagree about something we know that we are aligned with the same Mission we know we're aligned with the same values and so the only thing that we will disagree about is like the best way to get there and a lot of times I think both of us are like is this a hill you're going to die on and neither of us really die on many Hills and so it's only if we do it's really important it's shared probably yeah and one of the rules that we had which is one of the most important roles we had in the very beginning of our relationship was we had this like goo or Guru or whatever like talked to us and he was like I don't know what that was yeah I don't know what it was but like the advice was good and he said if you don't agree on something don't move forward and for whatever reason it struck Us in the moment and we have stuck to that which is like and usually it's like Alex wants to do something and Layla's like I'm not sure and because of the positive reinforcement that I've had earlier on in our relationship from like most times where I was like I'm gonna do this thing she was like I don't think that's a good idea and I did it anyways most times those things blew up and so she has a very good track record for that and so now we have like a very like we like to joke that like if I weren't here we wouldn't have a business but if Layla were not here I would have a hundred and also not have a business and so it's like it's the it's the drawbridge it's the tension between these two extremes which is where I think the magic happens for us interesting I've heard like if it's not a hell yes then it's just a no well from a deal perspective absolutely but like from uh like which way like we're agreed on this direction we're agreed on this strategy like how are we tactically going to execute that like there's there's a million permutations you can have and so like if we don't agree because I get this question something we're like well somebody's got to have veto right right so if you're if you're at a standstill we just don't like I don't think that's real like if you're in a business and you disagree you keep talking about it until you agree like it just you keep beating the idea and thinking about upsides and downsides and risk Etc exposure and then you're like I see where you're coming from let's emphasize that you know like you just keep solving for it and I think being open and not taking it personally especially we're in the business setting because we both know because we've done this enough times that like we both just want to win and so it's just like how we both have a hundred percent alignment so just like we don't take it personal how do you keep the emotions out of it I think that we are able to admit when we are emotional yeah exactly so if I'm if we're in a some kind of disagreement I'll be like listen I'm just too stressed with this like I need to go on a walk or something and then let's talk about it later or if Alex you might be like I'm too angry like let's I'm gonna go do something and we'll talk about it later so I think we usually are pretty self-aware of like if we're in an emotional state and if we are we try to wait until we're not to then come back and talk about it then you know what I mean I think it's a really big point is that like we don't we actively avoid discussion when there's emotional charge it's just not productive you know what I mean yeah and even sometimes like I mean I as a woman it's like I have to catch myself and be like Oh I'm acting crazy right now I'm gonna go and he's like and I'm like yeah I'm gonna go because I'm acting like crazy [ __ ] and like I can now catch myself within like two minutes like we'll be in a conversation and it's like if I can feel that I'm just being emotional like oh so sorry crazy going leaving now exiting myself from the room for you that has to be so nice that has to be incredible yeah yeah it's great I mean I think people should be with people who are reasonable but now do you get emotional too I get angry okay yeah I get angry um and so for me it's like I have to cool off like just like I can just feel like it's not like I'm an outburst type guy but like I get very cold and I get incredibly like cutting and sharp with like wrong like I am right and you just don't see it yet because I have to explain this to you in very slow terms so that you can catch up that's how I will be when I'm angry and um it's not good it's not good for the team you know Etc and so when I get in that in that zone I can usually feel it and then I'm like I need like sometimes it takes you know it takes training you know like you do it and then I'll go on a 45 minute you know this is years ago you know I mean random about something and she was like that didn't come across too well you know because we're a lot of times we're Team facing you know we're talking to our team we're talking to you know whatever um and so like now I think we've gotten faster and faster at like just pulling it back but it's not that we eliminate how do you take a step back do you just go on a different room do you go do a workout how do you do that really interesting so one of the things that we found this has just worked well for us is that be it text like text communication we are really good and so like it kind of removes it gives you it gives you a little bit more time to say what you're going to say you know what I mean there's also a record of it you know what I mean and so if we're honestly it's like it's been something that we've done a lot which is like if we're in a disagreement we'll like type it out and typing it out it gives it literally gives you delay between when you feel something and when something gets delivered and you get to see it before like you don't have the slips of the tongue because you see the words and you're like committing to them when you send them and that's been honestly one of the at least from a tactical perspective one of the most valuable things that we've done to like defuse situations I think it works if you're logical which we are we both want to discuss things in a reasonable logical manner I think if you're really just emotional you're just gonna find a reason as to why texting doesn't work because you can't because emotion doesn't have a good argument right so when you type it out it doesn't make any sense I agree with that entirely one thing that I tell my close friends is that if they're ever feeling extremely emotional angry sad whatever they should Journal because the thing is when you're writing stuff down let's say your brain is functioning at like 200 words per minute or 300 I don't know what it is right your hand can only write 40. right so there's a longer Delay from like the emotion that you're feeling and the brain activity to when you're actually writing you basically have to put more emphasis on each word and more thought into each word and it comes off as more calculated than emotional so yeah it's very therapeutic it's worked super well go ahead yeah I mean I I was just gonna say I think it's that and I think we've also learned how to how to disagree with each other more productively and how to manage each other when we're in emotional state so like if Alex is angry like back is six years ago I probably made him more angry when I was trying to help him not be angry now I feel like I understand what diffuses out she's really good at diffusion what diffuses it it's being really nice honestly a lot of times it's like I turn into like a cute little ball of fun she basically turns on her like her relationship hat and then like it I I it's like you can't hit a puppy you know what I mean like you can but like but like it's a lot harder yeah and so if I'm like in this very like aggressive you know what I mean like Zone and she's just being like really cute and kind of vulnerable I like it it I defuse really quickly he can't help but laugh you know what I mean or smile I just have this right smile and be like all right you know I mean heard you know what I mean and then it like we kind of go from there and like for Layla a lot of times like she just like she just needs like a long hug and being like it's okay you know what I mean like it's time to get stressed he gets angry like she gets stressed I get angry and so for me it's like it's okay like you can feel this way and it's totally fine and normal yeah when was the decision to get married 11 months after dating after our first date yeah 11 months in yeah it was uh six days later we had talked about it like a couple times up until then I think it's more just like we were like we like looked up one day and I think people in the business were asking us they were like are you guys gonna get buried and I was like I don't know I'm So Young you know she was 23. and then we started talking about we're like interesting they're all asking us if we're getting married and we're like do they feel like it's not stable well that was actually a big point they were like job security wise like we feel weird you know committing to this and you guys aren't even committed to each other you know what I mean like what happens if you guys break up and both of us were like we just keep doing the same thing like we'll keep running this business nobody believes you though yeah No One Believes you but like as a side note for the dudes who are like considering getting a girl into their into their business like you have to have objectively been willing to pick that girl of all people to do that role but I think happens more often is guys are like man I want to involve my wife in the business who doesn't really like business and then they pull them in they don't give them the respect because maybe that's not warranted because they don't have the Acumen for it or whatever and then they give them kind of a peon roll which that doesn't necessarily breed even more respect um so that they can be like quote involved I think like the role has to be the role that you would pick for that person even if you had no dog in the fight like if you didn't have the relationship like if we weren't together I would still want Layla basically running all the companies because she's great at it it's why we do well yeah it's 100 Merit and so like we just get the benefit of the fact that like we're also married but like skills first like the position has to be earned so do you think the marriage was in a way to satisfy business partners yeah and so it was the it was the employees yeah and then so I so I came back or go ahead yeah I mean I I yeah I think it was a mix of things I mean I think I wouldn't say the employees are the reason that we got married I think yeah I think it was just like it just felt like it made a lot of sense I mean honestly that's like what we came to it's just like this makes a ton of sense like we're running a business together we're romantically involved we're building the same together it looks like it's like blowing up we're like it just makes more sense to get married than it doesn't did you have a contract prior to then in terms of what would happen if you guys split like who owns what and who gets what or no well I mean we didn't have much but but Alex did this was growing at that point it was growing but I think at that point did we both have 50 50. I can't believe the business was online at that point yeah the business was yours at that point yeah I just didn't even you know it's so weird because like I never even thought about that because like literally what I did test is women who take things from men like when I I won't tell that but seeing that women are willing to take something from a man rather than start over and like get your like it was just never even in my mind like a possibility you know what I mean like I was like I would rather jump off a cliff than take money from somebody so I actually asked Leila to sign a prenup because I think I'd like 250 Grand or something squirreled away um and she was like sure whatever and the fact that she was just like so effortlessly a yes and I had actually asked a former relationship to sign a prenup and it was like a big deal and very painful and horrible and whatever the fact that she was just like sure no problem when we were on the way to like get it notarized or whatever I actually just tore it up and threw it out the window I was like we're good you know I mean like you've risked everything at every single point you like you chose me and wanted to do this thing together like let's do it you know what I mean and so I um yeah when my proposal I didn't have a ring I was just like I think the actual question was I think it would make sense if we got married what do you think how much forethought did you give the wedding or or the proposal in general was was like from start to finish was it like a week a month with flowers I mean it's funny because like I I say what I said earlier like it is the most important decision but like the so this is counter-cultural is that if you look at like the ROM comps right that are out there there's usually like Mr right and then like the old flame from home right and then they have to like break up with Mr Wright to be with the old flame but the reason they don't have like sequels for rom-coms is because then you'd have two people who are married and have no reason to be together and so it would be a very boring movie that would just be like a miserable marriage and so I actually think that Mr Right the one that makes sense on paper that you have all the logical reasons to be together is the person that Hollywood should be getting people to get married to because when the chemistry Fades you need to have rational reasons to be with that person because like when bad days come and they will you need to still be like this makes sense right it still makes sense when it doesn't make sense and you don't have the feeling it's tough right and so um I remember I was listing it out because when we were like in this one marriage discussion I was like I mean you have the cultural background which is just a bonus like I never looked for like a Persian girl but like the fact that she was was great um so she understand kind of the cultural background of my whole family and whatnot she loved business which was awesome and she loved Fitness and like being active and eating healthy and working out and like that was pretty much the only three things that like were interesting or you know and she was kind right and like trustworthy and she had character and so I was like I don't I didn't see a world where there was a high likelihood that I would find somebody else that had all those things and had already sacrificed all these things to be you know to do this thing and had shown efficacy at being good at it I was like I just feel like it makes sense if we get married and she was she was like yeah and so she said yes and then we literally I was like I just need to get you a ring so we'd got in the car drove the jewelry store bought a ring we both liked the same ones so she got that drove back called the pastor and I was like when are you free and he was like this Wednesday he's like are you sure this is fast and we're like yeah we're good and so the whole week leading up was six days from then until we got married and she was like who's gonna chicken out and um it was crazy is that I had backed out of a wedding which was really hard by the way um super hard yeah expectations on both sides like invites all this stuff um but I thought I was gonna like I thought that I had commitment issues but it was just that in my gut I knew it was the right person and I think that was the like that's why I commanded you so it's like it's just a lot of people haven't found the right person like if you like if you're like not if you don't know you know kind of thing and so it just made sense to do it and so then we got married in the back of a church on a Wednesday night um with no family nothing there was like some local friends who showed up like five six people and that was it what caused you to walk away the first time especially so late in the in the process I think it was kind of what you'd consider like the traditional Hollywood relationship of like the hot and the cold the in you're out you're up then you're down like it just it's just so much emotional like drama and like chemicals and just all you know like all of that very like intoxicating very heavy relations distracted too and you know fundamentally like I would say there was tons of chemistry but like none of like a lot of the other stuff we didn't share so like we had Different World Views we had different missions for our lives personally um and we didn't really have the same interests so all we had was chemistry and so that's why it made it so hard because you have Opposites Attract and you have this like like uh well if you don't like this and we can't be together it's like but I miss you and you did like this whole thing and like the relationship that I had with Layla was literally the exact opposite of that it was just like everything made sense it was like this is what I think it's like oh that makes sense yeah and to someone that's been dating someone else for let's say a year two maybe three years how do they know to make that final like you know to tie the ribbon to make sure okay you are going to be my spouse how do what is the deciding factoring that someone who's been dating someone for a while I mean I think I don't think that there is a deciding factor in the in this context of I don't think everyone has to get married you know what I mean like I think we want to get married and like we both see ourselves like being with somebody like we would like to have this marriage for the rest of our lives like that's something that we've communicate to each other but I think a lot of people don't want that and so I think a lot of people should take one step back and think like do I even want marriage and if so what's the purpose because I think that it's going to become less and less popular in my opinion um and there's a lot of people it doesn't really make sense for like it really doesn't have a lot of benefits um particularly like you look at like the decline on birth rates and stuff like if you're not going to have kids like if you don't have kids you don't share business together you don't share a lot of your lives together like I don't really understand why someone would get married how is it for your family because I know with with the Persian culture it's very close so how is it having a wedding and not having friends cousins fifth cousins you know uncles uh it's like everybody there well we did that on purpose yeah because we um didn't want that yeah we didn't want that a be like the whole concept of a wedding to me was very like it that never made sense to me like why are we going to spend 50 Grand everything marked up 500 percent just to have everyone else come there and see everyone for five seconds like that that just didn't make sense to me and so like we worked the day that we got we got married and we worked the next day like we didn't take a honeymoon it was just like you went to the thing signed the papers and and we still haven't taken a honeymoon we haven't done any of that stuff um but we didn't tell our parents because we knew that they would be against it we need to be like you're moving too fast this is too extreme and like that's how my dad was like you're always so extreme you always go so all in on stuff and I mean her dad was you know not a fan of me earlier on so not that he wasn't a fan like he would have said it was fast and he would have said I think same thing just too fast you guys are young what are you doing this business thing it's confusing yeah slow down and now they're all oh yeah my dad loves Alex yeah now what about for you growing up did you have that vision of having that big wedding and that giant proposal no I didn't um I just always thought it was so fake you know what I mean like I'm like what's the point like I don't want to spend all that money on a wedding like that was always my thought was like why spend all that money on a wedding when like you should be spending that money on the rest of your life being married to this person like if we put that much effort into the marriage imagine how much better our lives would be yeah but we put all this effort into a wedding and so that's always how I looked at it and I think I always just wanted it to be more private you know I'm like I don't I'm not somebody who like loves a ton of attention so I think the idea of also like having a wedding and being in front doing all this stuff like that's not comfortable to me I think I just always wanted to be like it should be about us not about everybody else you know what I mean it's like I always thought like it seems like weddings are way more about appeasing other people rather than doing what is authentic to you and what's authentic to me has never been a huge wedding it's been a meaningful marriage that is something that's you know important to me and so I like the way that we did it because it was just us and it was in like it was a reflection of the rest of our lives and who each of us are you know like we don't like doing things like everybody else and because of that like we just do things our own way yeah and I had you know um just because I have experienced proposing twice um the first time I was you know I was asked by the family they're like so what's the plan because I you know told them I was going to do it or whatever I went to like the more normal traditional path and I was like I just was planning on just asking her at like the grocery store or something because that's like real life you know what I mean like this is what I'm asking to do not some big Fanfare and they were like that's because you're being selfish and you're not thinking about her and you need to do something that she's gonna be really excited about so I did this whole big Fanfare and it felt inauthentic to me because I'm like this is just not my vibe you know what I mean like this is me like this is how I am and so like the engagement or the proposal that I had with Layla but me just being like I think it would make sense we got married and like here's why like that's me like that's me and if I had to not be myself in what would be considered a very memorable pivotal moment of the relationship like I think that was for me a little bit of a precursor to why It ultimately didn't end up working out um I have nothing but love her and we've ever been with um huge seasons of my life but like that just long term it didn't I don't think it made sense but one of the things that Layla and I did that I think was really cool was that in the very beginning of our marriage we did a lot of uh we went through like courses and workshops on uh divorced and at-risk marriages so we started going through all these workshops of people who are like trying to figure out their marriage and we learned a ton of stuff about like how to communicate and like expectation setting and just a lot of really interesting things and um I think it served us well so I highly recommend going through like divorce and like Crisis marriage counseling type stuff what did you learn from that I think one fundamental thing that has to be learned in order to have a productive relationship with so many of the opposite sex is like how men and women are different like how our brains work differently how we think differently how we receive love and affection differently or respect um and I think that that teaches you how you can't treat your partner like you want to be treated yeah you have to learn to treat your partner like they want to be treated and I think that that's fundamentally hard to learn when you're not of the same sex so it's like you have to learn like how does a guy want to be treated how does a guy receive love how does a woman want to be treated how does a woman receive love and I think that was a huge piece of it along with understanding like the kind of protection mechanisms that we had each built up along the way that had created walls between us and I think that those walls took a couple of years to probably come down maybe two or three because like I know for myself like over the years like you build up walls that keep you from getting hurt but they also keep you from getting super close to somebody and I think everybody has those it's completely normal and you shouldn't wait to find someone to you know until those walls are down I think it's you learn how to take them down with your partner yeah and so it's like you become aware of them yourself and then you expect floor that with your partner you talk about it openly and then you talk about how you're going to work on it and I think that being able to communicate those few things with each other was huge for us like I used to be very cold and I wouldn't tell Alex anything that was on my mind I mean I was extremely closed off and that was really tough for me and for him and for me one of the things that I had to work on the most was learning how to just communicate what I was actually thinking and not be so terrified that he would judge me or you know leave or mad at me or anything because just for some reason I just never I always was like used to doing things on my own and so feeling like I could even tell somebody else how I was feeling about anything was like so incredibly overwhelming for me and now it's normal and I can you know if anything it's like maybe five minutes of me not telling him but it used to be weeks yeah what do you think you had to work on it's great you know I'm not that I think I think uh my temper has gotten a lot better um that's that's a big one uh my temper's got a lot better um because I think what it was is like you're if Alex would get angry then Layla would recoil yeah it was like and then it was not a productive relationship so you worked a ton on understanding like anger didn't work with me at all very true like I would just get more aggressive and then she like she would just shut down and so I just had to like I just had to create more space and learn how to like okay like this is what we want to do these are the values that like that's why it's like the mission values interest is so at least for us is so important it's like if we're aligned on these things then it means that all we have for the mo nine times out of ten it's a miscommunication like nine times out of ten it just means like I took something that you said the way that you probably didn't intend it so let's just break down what you said and how I took it and then she's like I didn't mean that to disrespect you I was like well here's when you say this I was like this is what I hear she's like I did not mean that and so like I think over time like you just know that there are trigger sentences or whatever that I'm like I could probably work on this but it'd be a hell of a lot easier if you just don't say that and I will also concurrently try to work on it if it slips out I think we have so much ability to influence our partners and we have to be careful with that you know what I mean because it's like I only want to encourage Alex and I'm sure Alex only wants to encourage me but we can say things and not know that we're discouraging the other person to spy our behaviors and our actions and is it our full responsibility no but it was it's definitely helpful if you know how to positively affect that person rather than negatively and I think a lot of people in relationships actually negatively impact their Partners more than they positively do and that's why people break up because if they look at that area of their life and many other areas they're negatively impacted once they get with that person you know it's like they look at the time they got in the relationship it's like health wealth all these friends everything it's like it all goes down versus you know for us it all went up I had a I had a mentor so you asked the question way earlier about like how do you know if it's like the right person I don't think there's like a one fits all but I asked this to a coach that I had at the time who was kind of like basically helping me deal with the anxiety that I was going through and all that stuff was happening and he was like just look at your stats that's what he told me he's like just look at your stats he's like how are you Fitness wise I was like is it up or down being with her I was like well she goes to the gym all the time she like does all the meal prep like it's up I'm definitely like better because she's there he's like all right what about the business stuff I was like well I was like well she makes me money and he was like has any other girl made you money I was like no and he's like well that's a plus right and I was like okay and so you know we just went down the line of like what are the things that no matter most to me and like are they pluses or minuses and all of them were up my stats were up since I've been with Leyland I never like really thought through that and I was like oh like this logically like I'm better for being with her and so it was also like how's your headspace are you more you know what I mean you know like I feel like you're becoming a better version you're a worse version of you um because like there's some people who have Partnerships like that's how we see it like spouse Partnerships that like all they do is emphasize the worst character traits of you it's like if your you know partner is always like like no let's let's stay in or let's let's drink or let's you know not to say that those things are bad in small doses but I like if everything you have is always like decreasing all your stats to be with this person like long term for people who are growth oriented which not that many people are but for people who are growth oriented I think having somebody who holds you to a higher standard like I know that Layla has extremely high expectations of me and I have very high expectations of her and we just always want to exceed one another's expectations as the bar continues to rise because like as you get better so too do your Alternatives by like other people who you attract are better quality and so we both want to be in like you think about this way a voluntary relationship like of all the people I still want to be with you and that like because what happens a lot of people one person grows and the other person doesn't and like it's just like if one person's growing they both have to grow yep I don't think it's gonna work long term yeah well I think if one person is growing the other's not the other would be intimidated by that person growing and then fearing that that person might leave yeah maybe that's a reason why they wouldn't want the other person to grow yeah and then they seek to control them in some way yeah they manipulate and they subvert you know yeah not good so how do you think the dynamic has changed before and after marriage for you guys because it seems like on paper or just on the surface like nothing has changed besides just a legal standing but is there a dynamic that's maybe different now I would say the one thing that's really weird is when we got married yeah like you know before you're married you still have like these little thoughts in the back of your head about like other people that were around like you still think about those people like you still think about some of those X's that you like got back together with and you're like maybe and there's you know what it is you have possibility so there's like a lot of possibility of what your future could look like even though you're you're with this person but you're not married yet it's like there's still a lot of possibilities so you see a lot of alternative futures for yourself when you get married all of that noise in your head just goes away and it's like possibility is like it's gone and you're very certain about what your future is going to look like so there's less possibility right because you know you're with one person now but then you're very certain about what everything's going to look like going forward and so it's like all that ancillary noise and like thinking about other people and dating and all that it's just gone so this was this is like a fun like mini segue but Layla had a bunch of dudes were always hollering right and like even on like her birthday I think she got like two gifts from other dudes you know what I mean and we were like together and um I was like what um and uh I was like you know that these there she's like they're just friends and I was like they are not friends I was like they were trying to [ __ ] you like and she was like no they're just friends I was like guys are not going to be friends with girls to be friends with them I was like if they want to have a friend they'll go find a guy like and they'll be like why are they gonna go pretend to be interested in what you're like they're that's not what it is and so we had this was like an ongoing like not in a malicious way but it was like almost like a joke throughout like the early days before we got married the day she changed her marital status all of them befriended her and I was like just saying unfollowed yeah what was that like for you going to I mean I thought it was pretty funny you know I was like really this whole time like eight years you know like yeah like it's really not friends there's a term on Reddit they call it beta male orbiters right yeah that's what it was it was just like oh you're so so great awesome stuff like whatever like neutral comments you know what I mean to like yeah yeah whatever and I was like these guys are not your friends like they're just you know what I mean they're planting seeds and hoping someday that it'll Sprout yeah I thought it was funny because I just I I've always been like super naive like there's so many times where I end up on date and I was like this is a date like I thought you just said you wanted to grab coffee like yeah like a date I'm like that's date I thought you would say it's a date you know so I was just always pretty aloof and uh yeah it's not just you though I think that's a very common Dynamic of relationships between guys and girls even me like growing up in high school I don't think it's necessarily impossible for guys and girls to be friends but I do think more often than not there has to be some sort of hidden motive there and as upsetting as it is to be a ratio right maybe like 20 of friendships could be genuine yeah maybe 80 like the majority you're probably not yeah I would say it's possible to be generous but you think 90 10. this is just my personal anecdotal experience you know like I think that's tough yeah yeah and it's not just you it's just girls in general they can be so they can be oblivious to that stuff and that's just I did not have friend girls like I barely had friends so like let alone like if I'm gonna actually hang out with anyone's gonna be a dude like I'm interested like if I actually just want to like chill and relax if you were to give a ratio what would you say I would say 85. I'll meet in the middle here 85 15 so 15 oh sure I'll do 85 is pretty good 85 90. what would you what would you give it ah that sounds about right I mean like for me okay and to be fair yeah probably and I want to be clear there are probably some guys who somehow managed to do it yeah me personally I was never a guy friend which is why her comment was so funny to me because I was like never once in my entire life because I'm also a very clear Communicator yeah so I was like here are my intentions with you like they are not they're not pure in nature you know I mean like I want to be with you and that's how in no uncertain terms like I made my attention it's clear because I also didn't want the [ __ ] so if someone's like I don't see that way I'm like cool like not trying to be friends you know I mean like I I can't the amount of times where I was just like I'm not friend material like that is not why I'm here you know what I mean was like I was just very explicit um and some people like that some people didn't that's fine either way that's me so anyways this would be probably I probably projected a little bit of like my own like I don't have friends who are girls on to her but in this instance I have have been right which was confirming um but as a guy to shift back to the original question did things change when you got married right um one obviously all the side convos stop um and then for me there was actually a huge amount of like noise that like disappeared because like especially about when I was single like I would say the majority of my time and attention went to like girls like in like you know what I mean like in terms of just headspace like texting organizing dates trying to you know what I mean like a lot of my mental bandwidth even if it wasn't ours but like in between time went to that and the moment we got married it was like all of this attention of like something else could happen was just gone and then it was just us and this business and then I mean then it just like it ripped you know I mean like that's when we got like we went from making a few hundred thousand dollars a month too a few million a month like 12 months later like it was just like we were both like you're in I'm in let's go and that was like and it was like we just we're both able to attract other people you know what I mean and so just having that security and that knowledge like you're my person for the foreseeable future it just it just washed away all of this attention that came back to focusing on the main thing so how did your schedules change after that because I mean the business did really well from that aspect where you guys was like all right now we can just focus or was it what was there's a lot of that it's kind of like the extra headspace because we're both Believers in like split attention like even if like that's why we don't like like if you know what you want to do I'm not a big fan of side hustles because it distracts you know what I mean like it's not it's just like it's it's a tension it's shower time it's drive time that could be that Creative Energy that Juju that extra time if it were reallocated to the main thing like it compounds faster right most people like just have enough they spread it and there's like there's a threshold that you have to get above to beat everybody else right like the people you're competing against are focused the guys who are winning are focused like you it's very arrogant to think that I can spread my attention and be better than other people who are all in on this one thing and so one thing all in was was how we saw it yeah I don't think anything actually changed like in the Physical Realm it's really just like mentally yeah you just don't worry about it yeah and how do you make sure you have enough time for each other in the mix of everything that you do you know I'll say this side no God we've tried that I hate that [ __ ] they're like date night don't talk about work after X hours it's relation we tried that [ __ ] and let me tell you we were [ __ ] miserable I hate that [ __ ] so much and I think it's some [ __ ] that people have to put if you don't have values that you lead your life by then you need rules like we don't talk about work on date night and that is exactly what most people do but we have values which is we value our marriage and we value the business therefore we naturally allocate attention between both of them and I think that most people aren't led by those values and that's why they have to default to those rules but if you are led by values then it's not something that you have to put a huge amount of effort towards it's hey it's a it's a dichotomy to manage right which is like the the relationship which is like if you're completely focused on the relationship then you're distracted from where you're going and your mission in life but if you're completely aloof from the relationship then you probably feel a little bit of anxiety because you're feeling like am I secure am I not it's a dichotomy to manage and I think that it's just being able to catch yourself it's like most people swing on a pendulum right where it's like we're completely obsessed in this relationship or we're completely aloof and distracted elsewhere it's like if you can just get to the middle faster which is where everyone wants to be which is like we pay attention to our relationship and to other things in life it's productive then I think that you'll be a lot happier and so that's what we really try to do which is like if I feel like I need time with Alex I tell Alex that you know if Alex feels like he needs time with me he tells me if we say that we want to go on a trip we go on a trip you know I mean like it's just being able to use your natural intuition in terms of like yeah this feels a little off and not judge yourself about it and not judge the situation not be like we suck we're so bad at being married because we haven't done a date in so long it's like well [ __ ] we've been busy you want to go on a date though you know no I hate to take a little two-minute intermission but I drank way too much water oh Jack I'm sorry you got a phone I can I can hold it I'm just gonna be like antsy all right go so I think she's got a phone call Graham yeah but I didn't know I was going to get a phone call Jack you could use this bathroom oh we're gonna we're gonna hear him take a poop yeah it's like gonna hear like a plunk down I'll just continue um where do you guys feel like you can improve or is there any weakness that you have that that you're working on in the very beginning of covid I think that was like a great season for our marriage I liked our marriage totally five extra marriage um I think that when we were selling the business I think was another season where we put more attention to the marriage I think right now we're putting way more attention to the business like in the last 10 months and so I think that we just I think we're really good at acknowledging the seasons that we're in being okay with them and then and not judging ourselves for it you know what I mean like and I think it all that matters is that you're on the same page if you are in a season of like I'm putting all my attention on work but your spouse is like I'm putting all my attention on you that's when you get resentment right and that's when marriages don't work but we both always agree and we talk about it transparently hey this is a season where going all in on work versus hey this is a season where it's really nice that we get to enjoy each other more and I think that's the best way that you can balance is just like being open about it and also just not I don't think that I think Life Works it's like you have health wealth relationship all these things right and if you want to grow one thing the rest kind of have to go on maintenance so like I would say right now our marriage is probably on maintenance it was in growth when we were selling the business because we didn't have a business to focus on it was on growth during covid because we had a lot of ancillary time and it'll be in growth again once we have a little more space from the business but right now we've agreed that we want to put that focus on the business and then we'll come back to the relationship and so that's how I see it I think the the biggest issue that comes up is where there's discrepancies so where where there's just mismatched expectations between the spouses and reality or how they're how they see it and I think one of the worst things that I see kind of in the dating marriage whatever industry is the labels that they ascribe to situations or kind of to Layla's Point like they're like if you're not ex if you're not having a date night once a week if you're talking about business if you're they just insert something they then say it's bad right and so if both let's say that let's say hypothetically Layla and I were so busy with work that we did nothing but work and didn't have a meal together for a month if we both didn't have a problem with it because it was the season that we were in other people might say that's bad what they really mean is I don't prefer that in which case I say cool live your life your own way but don't live mine and if we're both good with it then there are no problems and so that's where I feel like a lot of people get off-roaded because they adopt someone else's preferences and ascribe good or bad meaning to their own circumstance and then say we need to change something or my girlfriend gets a date night every Thursday why don't we have a date night every Thursday because now the fact that we don't have one is bad right whereas you they might just be in lockstep and totally fine and so for us it's as long as there's no discrepancy um we're usually good and like if there's a time where Layla's like hey then I'm like cool like I'll stop right now if I'm like if I'm not you know doing something but sometimes she's like hey you got a minute I'm like I'm in the middle of this book chapter I'm in another four hours she's like cool no sweat like do your thing I'm gonna go for a walk or whatever you know what I think the biggest thing is it's like the biggest gift that we've given ourselves our relationship we do not not compare to anybody else's like like to a degree that I've never even had the thought about somebody else's relationship and how it contrasts to mine because I think it's just like each relationship is its own unique it's like a unique organism like it shouldn't be compared to anything else they're Dynamics yeah and so I think we're two unique people therefore we have a unique relationship therefore why would I compare it to anybody else I think that's where most of like The Angst and the resentment in so many relationships come from is you're comparing to somebody else's which they're two completely different unique people in different circumstances different life goals different Mission different values different interests so it's like why would I ascribe their preferences to my reality how do you fight against that because I feel like it's a natural uh Instinct almost to want to compare yourself to somebody else this is I think this is a little bit of the personal development side like we were so hardcore about that like not comparing to other people that like I think that's almost something that like early on in our relationship one of the reasons I liked Layla and I kept saying this early on was I was like I was like you see reality the way I see reality and I just didn't have many people who saw the world the way I saw the world which is why I felt very lonely for a lot of my life I just felt like it just I just you know I missed I would stay in bed at night and just be like it's just me like no one else sees it this way and so I feel like she saw the world the same way and so you know if someone else you know is like oh that's so unhealthy we like we'll both immediately catch that we're like we're like okay this [ __ ] yeah you I mean we both see it when people are judging us and I think I don't know it's not even it doesn't even cross my mind I don't compare myself to other people in general so it's like I compare myself to who I know I am potentially able to be and I think Alex is the same thing and so it's like our relationship would make less sense to compare you know and even you know people say like relationship relationship goals like they say that of other people like I have never said that word you know what I mean and so like to a certain degree and like we get some of that and I'm flattered for those people but like at the same time I feel like your relationship goal should be like who you want to be and how you want that Dynamic to be whatever way you choose and zero outside influence on that like if your parents are like this is weird then it's like cool weird for you that's your preference not mine thank God you're not married to me you know what I mean like and that's okay and so like we even we've gotten a row with a family member they're like you guys are just so unbalanced I would never like want your life and I was like right you don't have it everyone wants to judge other people and label things as good or bad and we just don't subscribe to that it's like there's a lot of things that people would look at our marriage like very unhealthy very bad and I'm like cool [ __ ] off I don't give a [ __ ] you know I mean like I like it he likes it yeah it doesn't matter you're not in our relationship why do you care yeah what happens is a lot of people see a relationship compared to theirs and then either feel bad about theirs or they feel bad about theirs and take the next step and then criticize the other one because it means they're that must be wrong because I don't because my ego can't take this when your ego should just not be involved at all like if I see a relationship people are together and they like each other I'm like awesome like so happy like it's thought yeah it's like the thought doesn't even cross my mind I mean like genuinely like I don't care what anyone else does and so like when someone puts it on us I'm like cool like thank you you don't have kids how's that something must be super [ __ ] up it's like no we just don't want them right now like what do you give a [ __ ] you know what I mean thank you for the irrelevant commentary that describes something that I describe no meaning to yeah yeah and how developed do you think your own character and value system and and personality need to be developed before you're ready to date and marry someone or do you think that you go in kind of you know a scribbles on a blanks you know slate or whatever and then you get into this relationship and then the other person builds your values and character and stuff like that I think you got to be good being alone you think you need to be already kind of understanding you need to be yourself person like if you if you're the person who always has to have somebody there to like Feel Complete what you want in my opinion is two whole people that together like the sum of two holes is significantly greater not two halves making one hole I think it's like I want at least this is Alex's Viewpoint of the world yeah well I think we choose what we are dependent on each other for right like there's a lot of stuff I depend on Alex for and there's a lot of stuff he depends on me for but it's chosen we could do it on our own if we didn't have each other you know what I mean versus there's some people it's not chosen it's like necessary and I think that's when you have issues yeah that makes sense it makes it seem much more voluntary than just like feeling compelled to join a relationship because of something you need from the other person 100 it's like I mean this is a voluntary you know these are voluntary relationships like and we want to set ourselves up for Success which is like don't need anything yeah can you imagine something like more beautiful than two people who don't need one another who just choose to be with the other because they prefer life together like that in my mind is like and if you continue to prefer living life together then you don't need any outside anything but wouldn't you say that also takes a lot of dating experience to know what to look for and what you like and what you don't like I think dating experience or education you know what I mean I think like for me like I read Tony Robbins was it Unleashed power within yeah and they had the whole thing where you write down yeah awaken the giant I don't even know what that said which one it was right yeah but it was like write down everything non-negotiables of what you would break up with someone for and then the characteristics you look at this whole thing I had this whole exercise and like I didn't know I didn't have a ton of experience like in in depth I mean you know I had good significant relationships like whatever you're young right I'm like 20 something um but I had read that book and I was like I trust that this person knows what he's talking about he's seen enough relationships if I do this formula I feel like it will pan out and when we were talking about getting married I was like listen this I remember thinking I was like Tony Robbins said that if you do X Y and Z you know you you pick like this which we did and then you go like this and like you can work on pretty much everything else as long as you get the fundamentals right like basically get the fundamentals right of like matching your expectations and non-negotiables of what you're looking for in a spouse and then everything else you can create one of the things that I think has been really important for Layla and I at least uh so Warren Buffett was in front of a crowd of college kids and they and he said so who here you know I get asked all the time what if you could only have one character truth that you would look for in a spouse what would you look for right and people like brains and beauty or character loyalty right he's like you don't want any of that stuff he's like you know what you want low expectations he's like that's how you create a marriage that lasts and like he was being incredibly serious but also tongue-in-cheek at the same time but I think part of that process at least how we approached it was that we were probably the least Hollywood version of a relationship you know what I mean like we unhollywood everything it was very much like does this make sense right and I think because of that approach big picture neither of us came in expecting the other person to save us you know what I mean like I don't need you to make me happy and I think that's where the whole person comes in like if you're if you're like I'm happy doing what I'm doing like I I don't need you I prefer it but like I can continue to live my life and the other person can too then the expectations are significantly lower from the other person which is why like this is again me talking for me like the fact that Layla never tried to change me and still hasn't throughout our whole relationship I think it's one of the biggest reasons why like you've been good because like I resist anyone who tries to change me very hard like her Point earlier about like no rules like I hate rules like tell me I can't do something like there's like there's nothing that drives me more mad than something like that and so because it just may come like what if circumstances change what you know I mean like I hate it and so low expectations and leading from values has been how we've just used as our compass pointing true north of mission and then like we accept the waxes and wanes that occur during the natural shifts of time and it's I don't know it's beautiful for us yeah and I think it's not judging at relationships morph and change and Wax and Wane like you're saying like a lot of people judge that they're like oh we're not feeling as close like this is a problem if if we're not feeling as close I wouldn't label that as a problem I'd be like that's normal in relationships or if somebody's like I've been dating her for two years now I'm not feeling as attracted I'm like it makes sense you basically her roommate now let's work on it you know so I think a lot of the things that people label as problems in relationships are normal parts of being in a relationship and they're just things you have to manage they're not things you have to fix and I think that's the difference is like we don't look at any part of our relationship as well as like anything that needs to be fixed because it's not broken and so I wouldn't use that word hurt it's like things that we have to manage and usually you're like a couple tiny tweaks away from anything and so and when you don't need the other person it makes all those things feel much less serious yeah they're way less like high there's there's way less pressure you know what I mean it's like I don't need you it's like hey when you do this I feel like if we did this it'd be a little better does that work for you yeah great fantastic you know what I mean like it's just yeah thousands of those there's also low stakes because if that person doesn't want to comply they're like okay cool it's fine are you guys comfortable saying the last direct example of a disagreement that you guys had and then how you resolved that so to give the viewers an actual like case right here this is what happened and this is how it was solved I think the only thing we argue about is business stuff no yeah nothing first it's not we don't because that's not that important it's not that it's not important it's just we don't have many disagreements we both are really aligned on it so I think it's that and we both just have we spend much more time in the business so there's more time okay um probably cash cows yeah yeah so um yeah we were thinking about starting a show putting a lot of like effort and money into something called Cash cows I really wanted to do it Layla was like we have too much on our plate right now and so and to be fair that's kind of like a recurring theme so that would be like the most recent one that has come up but it's one of many well I think there's it was looking at a way that basically it was a show that we would you know people would pay to be on the show basically kind of like a shark tank type thing um they pay in equity like we get a person because that's how shark tank works they get they get a stake in the in the business um to be on the show to be on it yeah yeah no I thought Kevin O'Leary or it was um Mark Cuban argued against that it's been that way for like that not anymore anybody that goes on Charlotte for years okay they got a state because people would get on the show not take any bids and then their business would blow up yeah plus whatever Deals they take wow I had no idea that was the case so that was the idea and I was against it because I thought one it relies on you and me and I also know Alex isn't like doing the same thing over and over again so it worries me because I was like I could see in two years you don't want or even in a year that you don't want to do this show yeah and it requires our time which I don't like building something knowing it's going to require our time and so we disagreed yeah so we disagreed and basically we'll just keep revisiting and I'll you know like she'll bring up concerns she has and I'll it's more like she's like here are the problems with the thing that I see and like unless I'm like no I don't think I'm gonna get sick of anything ever like that did you guys do you have a resolution on cash cow or no okay yeah we can't put a different idea yeah we have a different a different thing you share it no not yet but uh for advertising it is free it's not we're not going to take a stake in it like a shark tank no no I want three person but I think it has that the conversations often go like here's the reasons why I don't support the idea yeah and then I go back and then I give Alex space because I mean I do think it's also like something that you have to understand if you're working with somebody like Alice is very much like the vision is like continuing to bombard him like I need to give him some space to like digest it and like I'm sure it sucks because like coming up with an idea next sharing that idea with a bunch of people it's like you're very vulnerable it's like a very it's a vulnerable state I would imagine and so it's like I try to give him the feedback and then like kind of distance for a little bit and then we revisit maybe the next day and even after you came to that initial resolution of like okay you know maybe we aren't going to proceed with this part of you I'm sure still kind of wanted to do it but then that got squashed over time once you realize this is not happening honestly I don't have a desire to do it because like we just continue to beat the idea up and then like really like it's one of the things we say let's like play it out like let's play it out right like well then what happens then what happens then like let's talk six moves future like what happens and so um the more we beat it up the more we played it out I was like I think like these are the points she's bringing up are irreconcilable because like I always get excited about all the upside I'm like man this could be like a cool new version of Shark Tank it'd be exciting we get to you know we get so many messages from smaller businesses that we would never normally like work with because most of our companies are you know 10 million plus uh Top Line that like you know like it's it doesn't make sense but I want to help and so I was like okay if I could help a few people in an intermittent setting and then broadcast it then it could help a lot of other people it doesn't make sense time wise the commitment amount of you know do we have to build a studio do we have to build a production team like how how you know it's played out right and so after we really played out every angle of it because I'll come with like a three-quarter idea right I'm like I know you know I took two or three steps let's talk because I'm not going to take 20 because I don't want to do like talking you know it's a free-flowing thing um and so once it's resolved you don't really come back to it so like I'm I have no like the points that were brought up made sense and there are better you there are better uses for our assets and resources so like if you think about strategy big picture yeah the definition of strategy as I Define it is how you choose to allocate limited resources against unlimited options and so I'm saying we have these resources this is an option I think we should allocate it towards this is this is my strategy right and then she will say I don't think it's a good resource allocation because of either opportunity cost or something else we could pursue or the cost is too high in inherently in this thing based on the upside we predict right and so either disagree on the cost or we'll disagree on the upside or both right or door three that there's an alternative that would be a better return than the primary scenario so those are kind of like three variables that we'll think through when we're beating up a decision and so once once that's spelled out like I have a full loop on that like that Loop's closed and we we pivoted like 20 other versions of something like that to what we have you know that what we think we're going to do um and then there's timeline it's like okay cool we'll agreed on this when and then we'll have to talk that out it's like well resources right now are constrained you know based on growth it might be a two quarters or nothing and then two quarters now we revisit and if we're not ready it might be two quarters from then you know what I mean yeah and that's something that I've had to learn because I tend to be more like go go bowling china shop like ask questions later we'll figure it out yeah um and Layla since I mean we're calculated and so it's I mean that's our yin and yang and that's why it's either one's right or wrong like like it has just worked well for us to have that drawbridge tension uh between the extremes and that's where I think the magic happens for us what's the motivation right now for you to continue pushing forward in in terms of business and continuing to grow and where's that coming from I can say mine I mean all right why don't you why don't you go oh you seemed eager um yeah I think motivation in business it just continues to be wanting to have an impact like I know that sounds so cheesy but I was like really thinking about it like when I met Alex he was like what do you want to do I was like I just really want to help people and I remember he looked at me he's like could you make money too you know and so I think looking at how can we utilize like we have an insane team we have like tons of access to talent and to companies that are amazing how can we best put together this stack of resources to have the biggest impact possible that's really what I look at in terms of the kind of workplace we build like we get to set new standards for like what makes sense in the workplace like for example like we pay really well and we don't have to um and outside the workplace which is like how people build companies like the way they think about building companies like we're changing the way that people think about how they make money how they make a living how they build their companies um and I think knowing that if we continue to do this for long enough we will get to a point where we're so good that we can have an impact even sooner in that life cycle you know what I mean like we've talked about like be able to build a school for entrepreneurship and things like that because I think what we both genuinely really enjoy doing is teaching that stuff it's like teaching people the lessons that we have learned that we paid a lot in terms of pain or time or money to learn in a way that is digestible easy to learn and they can go you know take action on it immediately like I think that's always what we want to do and so the motivation is just to do more of that like I want to like right now I'm motivated to continue hiring these people so I can get above a little bit of the business so that I can spend more time making content because like I barely put any thought into it you know what I mean and I want to get better at it because I want to be a better teacher um so yeah I know it's it's always just being better being a better version of myself like being a better contributor so I mean the mission of the business is to make real business knowledge available to everyone and so that's the mission of acquisition.com and you know my my self-worth measuring stick over the last year or so has begun to shift internally for me because everything so I think every day we wake up and we ask a question and we spend our day trying to answer it right so for me for most of my adult life as a business person that's been waking up and thinking like how do I make more money which shifted later to how do I will this increase my net worth how can I increase my net worth like that that is like how it shifted today it's will this be build Goodwill and I think that that's been one of the more internal shifts that's been occurring and it's still continuing to happen with me is that like the net worth stick is is dropping and the Goodwill stick or brand Equity stick is is rising and so what happens is like if you change the question that you ask yourself every day then it changes the lens through which you interpret reality and the decisions that you make and so my weighing my measuring stick is has shifted and so if you think about like the richest man in the world like if because you if you take the net the the net worth thing to its natural conclusion it's like I want to be the richest man in the world and then I thought about it I was like do I really want that because then the follow-up question is when because no one's richest man in the world forever right it's only like a very brief distinctive time and then they they go down right and I was like well that's kind of a weird goal and I also think that if if again you take it all the way out that means that the day I die right I would have no Goodwill left no brand Equity left because I would have extracted all of the value from every relationship possible if that's what I'm truly maximizing for and when I thought about that I was like that's not the person I want to be and that's not what the end of my life what I want the end of my life to look like and so then I was like all right well what do I want the end of my life to look like and I was like well I want to have I would like to have I would like to die with nothing left to give and so if that's how I want to die then I have to start changing How I Live Now in order to get that now obviously a portion of it for sure we want to continue to you know make more money build build really big businesses that we have more ability to do cool stuff right um but we're now measuring it against a different stick which is like will this build the brand will this help more people will this build Goodwill no you build Goodwill you make money for sure but for me that fundamental shift has been a cooler internal fire because at a certain point there's no the marginal impact of of money decreases precipitously as you gain more of it and so but the the marginal return on Goodwill and brand Equity continues to compound like the amount of people that stop us in the street every day being like dude watch your stuff like I went from I quit my job and now we make two million dollars a year like it happens literally every day and like that's cool and that's why we do it and that's why the mission of the business is to make real business education available to everyone and so everything that we're doing now is oriented towards that like me writing a book takes like this next book that's going to come out 100 million dollar leads um it'll probably take me by the time it's published about 1300 hours and I'm gonna give away for 99 cents there's very little direct Roi that it makes sense for me to do that like for 1300 hours like just like in terms of what people offer me every day for my time is usually between 25 and 50 000 an hour if I'm gonna like work with them on something business-wise which I don't because we only do Equity but like whatever and so if I think about that like okay well 25 000 times a thousand is 25 million so I put 25 million dollars of what I probably could have spent time on directly into this book that I'm gonna give away for 99 cents but if I'm using the net worth stick it would it would be a failure and I should do other stuff that I would get a better return on my time on but in terms of the Goodwill and the amount of people that it will reach with no extra extra incremental unit of time there are a few that are better and it will outlive me YouTube videos will not outlive me book will and so when I think about that long term like that's when I'm on my deathbed having nothing left to give I want to extract everything I can out of my head put it there so that anyone can consume it like I get people I get messages from like India and Bangladesh you know people being like thank you for making it 99 Cents because we could afford it now here's a question if it's just Goodwill why charge 99 Cents why not just it's because you have to put it on the on Just for Amazon to push it because if they make so 66 cents a lot of it goes to Amazon I'm not getting rich on 33 seconds yeah um but when they make money they they push it more so it sells like right now it sells like the other book sells I think 20 like I just checked it's like 22 or 23 000 copies a month with nothing like just word of mouth and Amazon pushing it and so like that's 23 000 people every month that get have access to stuff and learn stuff and make more money and I get messages every day from it and so it's like that's because like she knows like when I'm in the thick of writing the book I'm like like you know I mean it's tough like it's easy to write a book it's very hard to write a book what's what's your process like for writing a book how do you where do you even start I feel like I would be so overwhelmed and and constantly doubting like is this going to be good enough for surgery I'm actually gonna read it for sure how do you how do you push yourself outside of that yeah well I mean for the book I start with what job do I want the book to do right like what do I want it to do and so this book 100 leads is when someone's like man I have this thing I can't get anybody to sell it to I want to be like you need to read 100 million dollar leads like that's where it fits in the conversation like I need I need more leads like right 500 leads you know go read it and then I start with that as the very narrowly defined problem and then I try and think how can I in as few moves as possible solve this for as many people as possible and that's very hard especially with that topic um like that book was significantly harder to write than offers right because offers is really super well defined like what do you do in exchange for money like it's a clear problem definition this one's like how do you get anyone to know about anything it's really what it is it's advertising right and so anyways start with the problem and I work backwards and then I I spent I've made 127 different models of what I thought like the core model of the book would be like you're familiar with the value in the first book there's something called the value equation which kind of the core concept of the book which a lot of people have shared and whatnot and so within this book um there were two core Core Concepts that I had to like pull out of hundreds of iterations to get it right and so the first probably like eight nine months of the book is like really just drawing out models over and over again and then beating them up and so uh Dr Kashi who's my co-writer um on this like we'll we'll meet every Monday and we'll beat it up for two hours I'm like what about this and then we just try another scenario and try and break the model until eventually we can't break it and then once we have the core models of the book then I'll start writing the book and so right now once I do it I have like this is the 12th draft of the book um I mean and if you think about it the way that you put time into YouTube videos like the reason that most books don't sell a lot is because they're not that good or there's an alternative agenda right if you're making the book with the intention of like how can I get somebody who doesn't have clients or doesn't have customers to get their first customers and they know nothing right and then I also have somebody who's doing 10 million a month and I need and I want it to provide value to that guy how do I solve both of those and do it in under 200 Pages keeping it under third grade reading level that's what takes time and so that's so it was 650 Pages that's got cut down to about 220. so that's that's the short answer of how I like it was tough I honestly never want to write a book watch it and write one it looks awful but a lot of times what would you see the most challenging part is getting the concepts right the models like the reason the value equation hasn't been like altered and people share it all over the place but no one changes it it's because it's right like if you see people who like come up with these acronyms or like little you know like people trying to teach something they'll spin something together and they'll throw it on the wall and people will continue to alter it is because it so the quality of a model is based on validity and utility so how how true is it is it does it predict an outcome and um is it sorry is it is it useful and is it valid so like I could say something's right some things are wrong that's a model for outcomes but is it useful no right and so if you have something that predicts an outcome and is viable in many many many many situations you have a very valuable model if you have a model that only applies to these situations and is wrong in all these other ones it's not that useful and so if I want to create very useful models that are correct in many scenarios I have to continue to re-chunk and rework it and when you look in retrospect like if you see the models you'll be like oh of course these make sense but they're unbreakable and that's why it's so hard because once you see them it seems obvious but it took me a lot lot of iterations to get there that is by far the hardest part of it writing the book for me writing is not as as difficult that's more like coats of paint and polishing it over and over again but the idea is the hard part the timeline you have to finish by no just keeps going until it's done and it's done I like and I I feel like now this is the third book that I have finished I'm like it's it's going to be wrapped up in the next 14 days it'll be done um I know that I'm done when I'm sick of the book and I don't want to look at it anymore and I'm like I don't even care like it is it is exact like there's there's nothing I can change about it like if they don't like it then it is what it is but like there's nothing else I can change about it that would add or detract from the concept of the book at that point then it's been like there's nothing else and then then like you can go in the world and maybe it takes less time maybe it takes more it takes what it takes I love that can we walk through maybe each of your own respective daily schedules and maybe like how you can divide up that time between work if you're writing every day and then at the end of the night you know you guys hang out sure um we're a little different so I mean wake up and I guess drink decaf coffee right now because I haven't been drinking calf so there you go I don't know I feel like sometimes it makes me like a little too buzzed if that makes sense a little too wired yeah and I don't really need any more of that I have to play that naturally so what time do you guys wake up at is it still yeah it's so funny everyone's always like when you wake up and go to bed I don't pay attention what really it's just no alarm just you wake up yeah I don't have alarms okay if we have something going on like an event or something sure I'll set an alarm but like I mean I'll wake up anytime between 5 30 and 6 usually okay that's like pretty average for me um and then wake up uh drink coffee usually first thing I do is open my laptop start doing emails in Asana and slack so I like take care of everything that's come in the night in a sauna oh no no no I don't know I'm actually I'm literally thinking as I'm saying it's like God this is boring here we go most riveting part of the interview biggest drop off on YouTube um uh asanas lack all that stuff and then I usually work on something for like a couple hours like probably two to three hours I work on either like an initiative doing diligence on a company working on a company initiative uh building out of training doing content whatever it is working on it for a few hours and then usually around like 9 30 or 9 yeah uh go to the gym work out come back uh shower at some point I try to like delay as long as possible sometimes I don't even depending on the meetings we have they're all internal like you're not getting a shower um if they're external like with our portfolio CEOs and stuff like definitely going to um and then do meetings from anywhere from like 11 to 5 typically and then or you know the days I prefer it's like 12 to 5 or something like that then done with meetings Alex and I go on a walk we debrief with each other uh then we usually go to dinner somewhere really easy where we like pick up something um and then we come back lately sometimes been working again at night for a little bit just because of like the load of things going on um and then read or watch something on YouTube or watch a show and go to bed what are you watch on YouTube honestly I just study different people's channels now so like I was on you the last time I was on here and I was like I haven't watched anything I was like [ __ ] I should watch this [ __ ] um and I'm like oh wow like I get why like I just I get it um and I'm like I could put so much more effort into this uh just seeing what people do so just the biggest channels I can find I look at I look at a lot of the creative channels like Mr Beast or Iraq or like them yeah yeah because I think how can you take that and apply it to like educating people on business like sure there are principles you can take away and so I'd rather look at that because I don't really like to watch other people's business content because I don't like a lot of it or I don't want to like assimilate other people's ideas so I try not to watch any other channels of that but that's usually that's my routine yeah I have a more um like I have a bigger window so I'll wake up between like 3 30 and 7. so it really just depends on when I wake up I haven't I can't remember the last time we set an alarm um just wake up when I wake up you would wake up naturally at three o'clock in the morning oh yeah really oh yeah for sure do you feel tired or you just oh good today at like 4 30. I mean yeah I mean that's I mean that's not really just saying like that's a yeah it's a Saturday if Alex is writing a book or has ideas he'll wake up like it's the idea that wakes me up so yeah it'll knock on the door and I'm like oh I'm up all right so and yeah so I'll wake up and then um it depends on if Layla's up or not if Layla's up um then I'll have coffee with her and then I'll start working and if she's not up then I'll not have coffee with her I'll just have coffee alone but straight on my just straight to my desk and start working there and then uh I work sometimes I go to the gym sometimes I don't um usually I do all my creative work in the beginning of the day so um book stuff content stuff um Creative Solutions for like portfolio companies like if they need you know sales scripts like looked at or like there's marketing materials or something like that um I'll take a look at it that's not as often now it's much more like probably candidates and stuff like if we're looking to hire a marketing like a director of marketing for a company it's like I'll look at their their resume I'll click you know I'll just do research background um but then uh but then yeah the second half the day is meetings for me and then I have the same back half as Layla so for me it's just wake up first half is is solo work second half is group work and that is that has worked extremely well for me just no disruptions first half of my day is mine second half is meetings and that's worked yeah if you ever had a desire to travel oh we do travel yeah how often this is just like what we do on a normal um we were traveling a lot until about seven weeks ago when we decided to cancel all speaking most speaking aside from certains that we committed to um and not do that anymore yeah wine is speaking forever it's a season thing one and then two it's like we want to make sure that we're on the stages that we want to be on I think you know in the beginning it was more like sure well like hey like when's this date like yeah we'll try and make it you know um and we ended up just getting pulled in too many directions and then yeah and then our faces were like plaster all over stuff I noticed that yeah and I don't know I've seen quite a few things where your face was the very first one and everyone was reposting yeah and uh I think I was asked to speak at something similar yeah I'm just I'm not I think it's gross yeah okay like I I have thrown multiple events myself and I would never exploit speakers like that and so experiencing it sucks um but it makes you appreciate the people that throw good events you know what I mean and we want to preserve our energy for people that are looking to throw events for the right reasons and not and looking to treat the speakers well you know what I mean I think that that's important it's a speaker experience is seriously it's a thing yeah yeah um yeah so I mean the big picture is like if you just think like time in versus impact doing shows like this doing podcasts like I actually prefer this to the the stage stuff and the reach that you get is significantly higher so like per unit of time there's there's not a strong argument for the other the only reason we'll do the other ones is like if it's a state like now it would have to be a stage that we would pursue or one that we're like we want to be excited to get on a stage not just like passively accept an invitation and so we we just pretty much drew a line canceled everything going forward and then now we're just being far more selective about the few things that we take I will say this we talked to two different people that are far ahead of us you know like worth billions and I asked them how they think through speaking on stages and they both spoke to the point of only speak on stages where you would want people to associate you with every person that's speaking on that stage right and that's incredible yeah yes because I was really struggling with it because I'm like is this does this work I want to make an impact and help these people in the heart yeah I want to help these people but you know but can I help those people if I'm then associated with these other people from there on out the answer is no so yeah I think that was a huge piece and I think that it was an unlocked for me I was like I get it now so it's like only speak on stages that you want to be associated with all the other people speaking there and the brand of the company or person that you're speaking on their stage which means that's a perspective I've never thought of before yeah because is it this is the question if you're speaking on a stage is it building your brand or theirs right correct and if it's not building your brand why are you speaking on the stage if it's deteriorating your brand if it's almost because some people you know Frost like we don't sell anything and then we might go on some on stage and they're milking our brand they're selling tickets with our face on it that's detracting from our brand it's not what I want to do if we threw an event I'm not going to charge people that much money for a ticket you know what I mean so it's like if I wouldn't even do that myself it's tough to then watch somebody else do it yeah I've been invited a lot to speak I've turned everything down except for one and the one event it ended up getting pushed but it was I would love to be associated with everyone on stage like I'm the odd one out in in that situation but even with that they were saying oh you could sell something on sale like I have nothing to sell yeah and it seems like with a lot of these it's like and we'll let you pitch for free and you know we're not going to ask for anything but you know we want you to come and just speak yeah so when you don't have anything to sell especially uh or any hard pitches like that on stage it doesn't make sense yeah plus I've always thought about it logically that if I want to reach a hundred thousand people I'd much rather it's so much easier to turn on the camera then go up on stage and travel and have to wait and it's just because it's two days I don't like it it's two days and then I think to myself opportunity cost of two days financially never makes sense yeah from uh even just if we just go impact stamp point if I spend two days recording you know scripting and recording content or like writing out bullets of things that I want to cover and like really spend time on it there's no universe or that and especially because we've now that we have the reach that we have there's no universe that doesn't reach more people than any event and so that's where you know what I mean like to your point if we're really proud to associate with the brand and the other people on stage and it's a stage that we would actively pursue and be excited about then that's what we're saying yes to everything else is I'll just say put it this way like stages we own so we can control the setting and we know that our messages are being delivered the way we want them to be delivered because to your point like if I'm not selling anything using my face you better not be saying something using my face you know what I mean right and some of it though I've seen the costs associated with holding these meetings I mean 50 100 000. Patrick Bet David did one how much was that Jack three million dollars to host the event for him yeah so and he does that every single year but there's so much work that goes behind the scenes to to orchestrate something like that yeah I think because he knows how to do it right yeah you know he's had probably a decade of experience just hosting that event yeah he's got it down it's still three million dollars in weeks worth of prep totally just a setup so cool yeah yeah our first deliver our like the biggest like we did a delivery event so there was no like it was just like an event we didn't sell anything it was just for 1.7 million and it's like it just costs a lot because we fed everybody for two days it's like having extra protein yeah it's like having six weddings you know I mean it's like having six weddings may as well just double on a wedding on that yeah while you guys are here yeah yeah news I have a philosophical question what do you guys think is the biggest threat to humanity right now deep question man I was thinking about anyone I was thinking about it this morning so when you've got like the impending you know tension with the East and nuclear or whatever if something escalated and whatnot um that's one the other one is just it's just AI you know I mean it would just like I saw um a video two days ago that was an entire video of a girl like dancing and doing all this stuff and like they're like this person isn't real and I think that that has really really deep implications like AI will only be a threat to humanity if it doesn't want Humanity to be here right like that's that's where it's a threat otherwise I think there's like the micro or much more soon threat of what are people gonna do because like even content right like imagine you've got somebody who can crank perfect content every hour of every day making 100 videos every day that are like perfectly optimized and doesn't sleep and every time people watch they learn and they can pull from every YouTube video that's ever been made like that's I have a point I want to mention yeah this is crazy Ali abdall on Twitter posted his I think it was like 10 productivity hacks and I went through it I loved it I thought this was one of his best posts he's ever made yeah and he came out a week later to say that AI wrote that he had nothing to do with it and it was also one of his most liked and retweeted tweets he was AI I was blown away and he said it was a part of this experiment that he was running to see if an AI would be able to replace a human and the answer was yes and better yeah yeah it added nuts to me and I remember reading this specifically and but like wow this is really good really insightful yeah I loved it and I I read it a few times because it's that good but it was Ai and it just pulled the data from the internet and then assimilated it in such a way that people understood it's incredible if you there's AI stuff right now for like if you just say like hey I want a guy smoking a cigar looking over a city in Van Gogh thing click a button and they have a randomly gender just click generate again generate again and now map these the Confluence of these things you've got AI that can write better than humans and then you've got it making moving pictures in real time it's like it will be able to script and animate in real time perfect content and so that's where like it's going to be really interesting from like so like imagine movies in Hollywood like they can crank out a million movies with a click of a button like it's just not that far away and so it's just gonna be it like what what jobs will be left for people to do it's gonna be like and I think a lot of AI stuff people haven't been afraid of it because the people Empower their jobs were never at risk yeah and so it's just been laborers so like laborers like drivers like truck drivers are going to be which is a huge huge amount of the workforce for men especially drivers in general Uber like truck drivers Etc like they're just going to be replaced right like that's like super like everyone but those already exist don't you think that would lead to more productivity in general is there something that is farming farming equipment I mean has taken away the job so many people but that's allowed us to progress so much I'm not like believe me I'm Pro technology in general I think we're where a machine can do everything better than a human that's where it gets it gets fuzzy that's where it gets tough yeah I can't did already to a certain degree in terms of Just Cars Machinery uh digging I think it's the it's things coming together it's like you have these robots that you see Boston uh Dynamics yeah Boston Dynamics have those crazy robots and then you merge that with like the brain that I can learn and then just replace all physical labor oh now because it's really expensive to buy those versus labor but then in 40 machine Generations it'll be cheaper and they can replace them like that and then when that machine AI can also do X you know what I mean like and then they just become more and more able um and there's a saying in the finance world uh you probably know but like things take longer to happen uh than you think and then faster than you can imagine so it's like it takes longer for you know like in The Big Short like they knew that it was upside down for four years before it actually happened right and then it happened almost overnight and I feel like it's going to be the same thing with with AI stuff not to get but it's something that it definitely keeps me up whenever I go down the rabbit hole and I see the stuff that's advancing in the rate that it's advancing right now and how it implies like like every single copywriter every content creator like that's just don't you think then it would be so optimized that then you'll need outliers to stand out from that so it'll constantly have to be fighting against itself because if everything is optimized then nothing is and then you have to do something else you would be competing against itself right it would just be but like it's AI convenience itself not against us like we're just we're not in the arms race sure like they don't get sad yeah right like it'll just be way above us and we're just never gonna be able to make stuff as good that's where it gets frightening so anyways that's what I think the biggest part of humanity is great answer all right Layla not just similar um I think it's the Next Generation honestly so I was listening to I can't remember which podcast it was and they were talking about how the upcoming generation that will be the ones in power very soon right um nobody in the history of mankind has ever lied down as many hours a day as they do and so I think it's actually like the dissolution of the Next Generation because I think that like AI for example if in the right hands with the right regulations in place I think could be beneficial to humanity but I think that what like the underlying issue is that the people that are coming into power and like the Next Generation don't look at it that way or aren't going to take the measures needed to make sure that it doesn't go to the extreme that it could does that make sense so I think it's more that's what I fear because I see it in like There's Tom I mean and listen this is a huge generalization but because there's tons of people still in the upcoming generation that are super hard working super diligent like absolutely out there killing it like I talk to them every day they work on my team but there's also a ton of people who I've never seen like more glued to their phones more like lazy not wanting to work not wanting to do anything and that makes me sad you know I mean it's just it just sucks I can't imagine that's a happy life and so I just wonder what's going to happen when all these things are presented to humanity and those are the people making decisions and deciding who's in power in this world so that's what I think about I agree with that I think the next generation is going to be could be a very big inflection point just for Humanity in general I think I also think it's more of a symptom though than of like life for a lot of people it's just gotten extremely easy like everyone has a microwave now well not everyone I shouldn't say that a vast vast majority of people have a microwave now whereas I don't know how long ago right let's say 100 or so years ago like it was it was pretty rare you know 100 years I don't know what a microwave I'm just saying okay only a few people okay but you know what I'm saying like stuff like that it's everything is accessible to everybody I know and I I think it'll take a turn uh but he is history shows that it always does but it's just it's hard to watch it's hard to talk to people that think that way and it's hard to talk to people who you know I mean I've had conversations with plenty of people that are like straight out of college with no experience or skills and they're like you need to pay me a hundred thousand dollars I'm like for what like you didn't do anything I think it's more expectations around reality um but you know I think every incumbent generation always has gripes with the you know the the upcoming one like that's the 60s the 70s like you know it's you know there's there's always been um Strife but you know we'll see I mean the thing is a lot of the stuff is Uncharted Territory in terms of how technology has shifted the landscape and really media in general um how much that has like the propaganda machine you know what I mean yes in terms of Shifting shifting culture in real time um that's the stuff that's I don't know scarier or different than so like the ability to shift the entire Zeitgeist of an era through media was not possible before and so I think what happens is right now is that the extremes are significantly more things are more polarized and it's kind of I think there's a word for it but it's like a double gaussian chart you know but like they're it's way more polar yes that's what we'll see and I think to your point about like or what you were saying about threats it's like world wars like this crazy divide you know we'll see but I mean I think there's big Cycles in humanity and what happens after war is peace and so hopefully we can avoid it but um anyways those are the things that keep me up besides AI in this generation like if you look at like creators even on YouTube that I look at like that the upcoming generation has such an opportunity and like the one like to get on there and like change how people are thinking I'm just we know a few that are but it'd be cool to see more that was the conclusion I drew I thought it was the media to be honest this morning that was just like uh maybe a 30 minute like internal dialogue though I was just like on my walk and I was thinking it was pretty dangerous you know and especially like with all the power that they have like over influencing Americans as well as politicians that's why they're uh outlawed in most countries so like most media social media is not allowed like Tick Tock that's interesting well that's also a double-edged sword it's like I get it you know I get both sides I'm worried it's more about the destruction of the planet and the natural resources and killing off the oceans and Elon doesn't seem upset about it or he's not worried about it so he I've taken my I've taken my lead from him I assume he's done more work yeah answering that question and so you know we because we talk about not so we're back to acquisition.com um but like for me at acquisition our hogos like to make real business uh education available to everybody and it's it's not because we think that we're going to save the world but we hope that we can equip whoever can cure Alzheimer's and whoever can build a for-profit business that cleans the ocean like we want to enable that person too but he wants to colonize Mars so don't you think that maybe he thinks that Humanity's too far gone and that's why he wants to build something else I think yeah it's actually yeah if at least all the things that I've heard it's just much more of a Fail-Safe of like Humanity's likelihood of staying alive increasing significantly if it's a multi-planetary species like that's the single like belief point that he has looking at like the models of sure population growth and like if an asteroid hits or like you know I mean like there's or nuclear like there's just a lot of things that can happen on a planet that could kill everybody and so if there's just two you've got to back up and that's what significantly increases the likelihood that the species stays alive I'm also a Believer humans one of our best powers is our ability to adapt and I think we're a lot better at adapting than mitigating other issues and like you said if something happens to the environment I would like to think some for-profit organization or whatever could go and try to find a solution for it I think so yeah I wrote this down which I think is kind of interesting uh lots of successful business people tend to have greater egos because there is a numerical metric to their success whereas in other areas of life there is no number such as like your success in relationships or something like that I have noticed that tends to lead like I said to Greater egos how do you guys both balance your egos especially in a relationship where a lot of the times there usually is someone kind of at the top and a supporter that's pretty common but with both of you being so successful in your respective niches uh how do you balance the egos I mean it's been tough I didn't I didn't think that laila's ego is going to fit in the door but you know here we are apparently you know she was able to work doors yeah go ahead yeah I'll speak for myself which is like I don't have an ego I tend to err on the side of insecure so if anything it's been a balance because Alex tends to have an ego I tend to be insecure and I think that we've taught each other uh I think that we've learned from each other in a way that has helped us each kind of migrate a little bit more towards the middle if that makes sense like I tend to be incredibly self-critical like no matter how much success I have like I do not see myself that way like no matter how fit I am I think I'm fat like well I remember when I won a bikini competition I was like no [ __ ] I was like that's making sense I'm fat they must have felt bad for me like that's literally how my brain works and that's how I am with everything with success it's just like any amount of money we make I always look at other people and circumstances as to being the reason why rather than myself and so I've had to work on building my self-esteem through building evidence that I am good at things um and showing myself those arguments because I think my brain tends to go to why I'm not good at things and why it's all other people and not myself um and I've had to work really hard to build my self-esteem by presenting myself with undeniable evidence as to why I'm good at something so I don't really think I've had like a I I definitely haven't aired on the side of having like a big ego yeah uh hasn't been my uh hasn't been my fight uh it hasn't been my battle no I mean I've been I've been pretty public about the fact that the thing that I that I struggle with is ego and pride and um I mean it's it's the it's the aspect of myself that I hate the most you know what I mean um I'm grateful for the the drive you know that it that it brings the ambition and whatnot um but you know I remember I was talking to it was like an executive coach a few years back and I was like how do I keep the drive without the other stuff like I was like I feel like it's really effective fuel I was like but it just burns dirty and so um you know trying to tackle that has been a lifelong journey and I don't you know I hope that I I hope that I've I've gotten better over time and I think that to something noticed going back to something we're talking earlier about finding a maid I think that I think that you want to have a mate that compliments you and has character traits that you Aspire towards and so there are many traits that Layla has that I aspire to be more like and there are things that I probably have that she aspires to me more like and I think in that way we can both improve and I think if if you're kind of balanced you end up kind of meeting a little bit more in the Middle where like hopefully I will have less ego she will have more she'll be less insecure I'll be more insecure you know what I mean and we just meet in a place of just kind of acceptance but I mean managing that is I guess it's like understanding what context it's in so it's like is the context our our romantic relationship for me that would probably like feeling disrespected by something that she would say that would be something where like my ego might manifest and I might get angry um I think that has happened less and less um you know in the business setting it's the same thing someone not basically complying with with the request and you know me getting upset about that but I think the more times I'm wrong and I've been wrong plenty of times I try and remind myself of the times that someone else was right and I was wrong and to just like like put some space between my emotional reaction and my actual reaction um so that I can give myself like a counting five before I like say something stupid and so um one of my favorite definitions of humility is from uh Clayton Christensen he said humility isn't uh thinking less of yourself it's increasing your regard for others and C C S Lewis has a different definition of it but I also like it which is um humility isn't thinking less of yourself it's thinking of yourself less and so both of those have you know one is actively saying you you increase your regard for other people the other one is just like not making yourself the center of the universe and so those are kind of like the mental frames that I try and think through uh to try and decrease my ego in the moment the third frame that I use is the grandfather frame which I don't know if you followed any of my stuff but um is thinking if I were 85 years old and I were born into this moment like I went through a time machine like my 85 year old self and he reimagined like he re-emerged in this body but it's 85 years old looking at you that man doesn't have that much ego and he's just very grateful to be here you know what I mean like I wouldn't be like can you believe this I'm here I remember when Jack looked so young you know what I mean and RAM like you don't be like it's actually if you really get into that state like you like it really shifts how you see the world and I think the reason that ego is so Insidious is that you can't be grateful and have an ego because the moment that the ego flares you believe you deserve it which means you can't be grateful for it so you can't be both grateful and have an ego which is why I think gratitude's been so difficult for me in my life because I it's been like of course this happened I would expect this to happen which also removes a lot of the Joy from anything and so it's been something that I've worked a lot on and I don't think that there's a solution to it I think it's just like the consistent chiseling away you know layer by layer of it and trying to remind myself that like you know my World Views like when I die nothing happens and I am not as significant as I like to pretend to be now what's wrong with feeling like you deserve something it's an expectation that you're placing on reality that you can't control let's say someone works really hard for 20 years and they you know save up money and they say I deserve that Corvette and they buy it is that is that a negative that they felt like that was the expected outcome I think if they didn't think they deserve the Corvette and then bought it they'd be more grateful for it I think there's also a difference between deserving and earning something important to delineate between maybe you know yeah this is why definitions are really important this is what I jam on but um I mean I said on the first podcast like does that like this is a quote from Naval who quoted somebody else but it's you know desires a contract we make with ourselves to be unhappy until we get what we want and so when we say I deserve that you're making a statement that I unless I get this it's like making an if then statement for being a discontent or you know not happy and so I I try to avoid those at all costs because then if your expectation is zero of reality everything above zero is positive it's just like making no making no demands of the universe because um shoot I think it's Albert Ellis who said he he interviewed zillions and zillions of people for therapy stuff and he continued he had like nine nine um what did he call him he called him I want to say disillusions distortions there you see there's nine distortions of reality and then there were seven and then finally there were three and then it stuck with three and then he died right and it was um people make demands of the universe so it's like a circumstance like it has to be you know sunny tomorrow because it's my wedding right it's demand of the universe just circumstance they make domains of other people like people must comply with my requests they must do things the way I want them to do them or else they're threats right and then finally um there's avoidance at the bottom which is that they will avoid like taking accountability for their current state through fear Etc and so I try to avoid all three of those things um when I'm thinking about like how I interact with reality and so that's why from the deserving perspective I I don't like that language I actually hate the word deserve like I deserve this yeah I mean it's literally setting yourself up to be angry see part of me thinks that people deserve to be happy they deserve to be fulfilled they deserve a lot of things and I think having that feeling enables them to pursue that otherwise if they feel undeserving of something that may be more likely to self-sabotage or not pursue or leave things on the table that they could have otherwise obtained yeah I think there's just underlying shoulds that I just don't agree with okay not that I think that they're good or bad I just like I don't think that I don't think people deserve anything I think we're just people period we are what we are if we get things cool but like I just don't think anyone deserves anything myself included sure I'd prefer things but I don't deserve them this is how I see reality as far as being grateful that's something that I definitely used to not be very good at and recently I've gotten a lot better at for the past three or four months what I do every morning as I write down don't type it I write down three things I'm grateful for and it's helped you know it's a simple exercise but now I like to think I'm pretty good at practicing gratitude so it's a tip case be curious thank you appreciate it guys we really appreciate you coming on so yeah hope you enjoyed some of them Clippy clippies