Matt & Michael Finally Have A Physical Fight (Season 08 Episode 12)

I had accidentally scalped the I thought [snorts] her hair would just rip. People started realizing, including Gorp. Matt, what did you do? >> Like if they were above six, they were free game. >> But then if they were a parent, then I'd only go for the parent. So I did have like ethics and stuff like that. >> It's good to have ethics. Yeah, >> it doesn't matter the name of the place. I just drive and look at the maps. [laughter] >> Not even where you call it. >> Just looks at the map. No, that's hectic [ __ ] >> Death is a normal part of life, so like get over it. I know she's your family, but yeah, move on. It's been a week. >> That wasn't funny. >> All right, guys. Welcome to episode number 13. >> You know what 13 is? Sometimes in elevators, they skip that floor cuz it's unlucky. So, this is unlucky episode. >> Oh, no. Should we say 14 then? >> Okay, episode number 14 [laughter] of the fully actual podcast. We are We've got a slam jammed colon full of episode for you. We got bamboozled. We got fussy little boys. >> Double the black book is back. >> Tinders prank call and some other and and to finish the episode. >> This is the party. >> I'm a loser. >> Michael and Matt are going to wrestle. It is one event all, >> isn't it? Is it one all? >> No, I've won two. I won discus and I won the weird two. But Brown could tie it up here. >> Even things today. >> And he's really excited about it. He can't wipe that smile off his face. >> Tie it up. Look at him. >> Now, calm down. He's shaking with joy. Tears in his eyes. By the way, YouTube, this is not weed. It is This is just meth. >> It's not even Yeah, it's not even tobacco cuz technically you're not allowed to smoke tobacco. >> Imagine get this right. So, I went online cuz I wanted some more shisha flavors for us when we do planning and stuff. Went into the shop, the guy, the guy behind the counter instantly looks at me up and down. I went to the counter and it says online they have it. And I was like, "Hey, man. I'm just wanting to um know what shisha flavors you have." And he goes, "Oh, no, we don't have any." And I was like, "Really? It says online you do." And he was like, "No, no, we got none." And Kev, as I left, Kev was like, "He thought you were a cop." >> Yeah. >> I was like, "Is it illegal? >> You do look like a cop." Yeah, but people raid those shops for like vapes and stuff that it's illegal and they can get shut down. So, he just looked me up and down and just once assumed I was I was a police officer. >> Was he Australian? >> He was not. He looked like he was from Bangladesh that >> he was racist. >> Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> He judged you on you based on your skin color and that's not right. >> Although you are very >> I'm going to name and shame him. No, >> you you are very well spoken and fit. So, you probably do look like a cop. >> Yeah, dude. You do look like an undercover cop. I walked in like this. >> We should do a video who's the better cop and all go to the police academy. >> Who? I tell you what, this is something you'll like. Matt, have you remember the scene in Mr. Bean where he's run around the airport? >> Oh, [laughter] yes. >> And he brings out his handgun and it's just his hand. >> He's like real scared like putting it on the ground. [laughter] >> Anyway, sorry. All right, speaking of movies, we were just having this argument before and I'm bringing it back up because >> Matt doesn't think that we can film the movie Billy Madison 2. I never said that >> because Matt doesn't believe that we can film the movie better. >> I absolutely believe you could. You just need the motivation to do it. >> Because Matt doesn't think that I would play the bus driver. He thinks that James would play the bus driver. >> I think James would be a better Chris Farley going crazy than you. >> The bus driver. >> You know Chris Farley >> TURN THIS GODDAMN BUS AROUND. >> OH, >> HE hooks up with a penguin at the end. And >> no, but I would like, if possible, if we do do this, I would quite like to be the um the bad guy. >> Oh, yeah. >> I would quite like to do that. Wear a little wig and the businessman. >> Yeah. Yeah. And I re Who could be Carl? >> Hello, Carl. >> How nice to see you. >> Greg. [laughter] Greg can be >> Yeah, Greg would be Carl. And I reckon Matt, you would be one of the >> cameramen. You'd be the homeless friend of the dude that goes, "What is she talking about?" >> And you'd be the penguin, too. >> Kevin. Kevin could be that fat kid. You know, he grabs his face and jiggles his face. >> But Kev's going to have to really put some more weight on. He's losing weight. It's not good for our movie. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. So, look, we've had this idea for ages. We need time up our hands and we probably need a budget. It's going to cost a bit, but >> I reckon each. >> Yeah. Look, it's like doing the same movie, but we do it. >> Is it illegal? No. >> Oh, wow. >> Okay. It's It's legal. So, we could look when we got a spare How long do you reckon it take? >> 10 weeks. >> Two weeks. >> That was our shooting schedule. >> And we use first take. >> I know. First take. First takes only. >> That's only 10 days. Oh, yeah. First takes only. >> No. What we should do is we should have Billy Madison 2. First takes only then Billy Madison 2 final. >> Oh man. >> We could release the No. No. That's hard. >> So, we just reckon we just have an extended cut for the website, >> all the bloopers, all the things that went wrong. But man, I feel like if we're going to do it, we do it good. >> Yeah. First takes only is good, but we have the one, the final one. >> Why don't we just say it's first takes only, but it's not really >> Oh, good idea. Or last takes only. [laughter] >> Best takes only. >> But yeah, look, it's just it needs to be done. There is not one film in the last 10 years that's made me laugh out loud apart from Titanic. >> That was more than 10 years. >> That was more than 10 years. [laughter] >> I watch it out loud. I watch it like once a month. >> Which bit made you laugh? >> I like the bit where he goes, um, I always win Jack [laughter] one way or another. >> I don't think that's supposed to be funny, >> but it's just funny the way he says it. >> Oh, I like how a hand comes down. That's funny. That was Nebo Conipion, the actor. >> Yeah. Well, he's the Phantom. >> Yeah. >> There you go, Matt. There's some >> Matt really wants to say the proper name. He's like He's like It's right on the tip of his tongue. He wants He's like Bill >> Bill Cosby. >> Billy Zayn. >> No. Billy Zayn. >> Is it Billy Zayn? Holy [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> Remember >> the Phantom was sh >> Okay, stop. We're getting in a fight. >> Yeah, we're doing Billy M. >> No, no, no. He's getting into movies. >> Yeah. Look, I'm I'm inspired. I want to film a movie. I believe and it's creative. >> We look there are some YouTubers making waves in Hollywood. Um the Obsession that movie recently amazing. And there was a some YouTubers racka boys led the way. It's crazy. It's crazy times these days, bro. >> I still haven't watched it. I need to see it. I've seen the racka movies, but not fle. >> All right. Should we uh quickly rip into the top comments and uh and then move on with Michael's had a break and he he's got some crazy stories >> from his holiday. He it is wild. So stay tuned. It's he nearly didn't make it. >> Yeah. >> Uh so Brown, let's let's start with the top comments and then get into that. >> What would you like first? >> Whatever you real feel. >> Um the first one is from YouTube. got 43 likes from ordained minister. >> Oh yes, ordained min. >> Matt should spend the whole episode eating peanut butter with shoes full of honey. >> Yeah, I can see that. >> Let's do that. That [applause] is ministerial. >> Get ministerial. >> Big kilo jar and a big wooden spoon and he's sitting in some [ __ ] >> should eat it with >> crunchy or smooth? >> Smooth. >> Would you do it? >> No. It's going to get too messy. >> No, don't throw it around like I can't resist. I cannot resist. You can't put me You can't put me in a food situation and have you in the room. >> Yeah, it's true. And Yeah. Well, I get it. >> Well, maybe Michael has to step out >> or be nice to you. >> I've got a big mouth. What can I say? >> Dude, you know what we should do? We should remake the Kenny versus Spenny episode with Michael and Matt where they have to be nice to each other. The first one to be mean losers. >> No. >> Oh, man. Yeah, that would be hard. [laughter] >> And then we make them do real hard things >> like try to work together >> like go play golf one day or build like an IKEA or or solve a problem like I just be or put us in an escape room or some [ __ ] I would watch >> escape room would be better. I could build IKEA furniture easier. I'm better than you. I'm better than you. >> Kick your ass. >> I am better than you. >> I would kick your ass. You don't even know how to use the drill. >> I built a bike. >> You got Amber to do the drill. >> Me and Marty could go for a month. >> Yeah, 100%. Dude, next event flat pack. >> I will I will kick your ass. Look, obviously >> it's something that Matt's confident about which is very rare. >> Overly Olympic, but could be one day. >> Well, we have it started off with like athletics and now it's branched out to [ __ ] wrestling. >> Wrestling still. >> Now it's just branched out to Matt verse Michael and everything. >> Yeah. Look, I will beat you at flat pack jack. >> It's not called flat pack jack. >> If we were building Jack, it would be >> It' have to be something simple like one of those stools or something. >> You can't just build. It has to work. Are you allowed tools or you can only use the tools that are in the package? >> Only the tools in the package. >> That's the big >> What if the package needs tools? >> No, [laughter] it's gonna have It has to have every item on there. >> What if you get it? Like you'll need a screwdriver and a drill. >> Yeah. Sometimes they do say >> you're allowed to have the tools necessary to build it. >> See, you didn't explain that, did you? >> You can't have a drill. >> And it needs to be the same. You got You can't have a bloody Robi if he bloody has an Ato, you know. >> Wow. Guys, they're two different possible, bro. All right. What's a Spotify top comment, bro? >> Spotify do it comes from James Duncan. >> James. Oh, we we know James. James is a tragic. We love our James. He's in the bloody comments and [ __ ] on the website and cheers. Yeah. Cheers, brother. Yeah, >> man. Sounds are really You sound [clears throat] low. You sound low. You're okay. >> You usually can't hear anything. >> Yeah. Do you want me to put my mouth closer to the microphone? >> No, cuz you shouldn't have to. >> Sorry about that. >> Your mustache is looking good. >> Cop. Very cop like undercover. 70s. >> James Duncan, if this gets top comment, they have to bring back Matt's black book. >> Well, today, how many likes did that get? >> 100. >> 100. So, Spotify engagement is currently topping YouTube. So, [ __ ] Here we go. Jimmy. [applause] Yeah, Jimmy. And it's back today. So, um, hopefully it scratches that itch. >> That's right. >> All right, Michael. >> So, look, picture this. >> Oh, god. >> We were both butt naked >> on the >> banging on the on [laughter] the floor. >> All right. So, you book accommodation. You think it's going to you think it's going to be good, right? >> Half price. >> Where'd you say? >> I don't know. Some maritan building in surface. America. >> Oh, dude. I've stayed there. >> We're on the 70th floor, right? We get in there, you shut the door. >> Oh, no. >> But we would not stop whistling. >> The higher the highest pitch whistle going through the door somehow >> cuz so high up. [laughter] >> I was like, it was like, you know, I could handle >> kind. What about the towel at the bottom of the door or something? >> Did that No, >> that's not an Amber thing. That's a girl thing. >> Yeah. Well, I was like, "This is going to suck, but I'll deal with it." >> Did you close the window? [laughter] >> Well, no, you shut the window and it gets worse and higher. So then I I I chat GBT and bang bang bang bang taped. I had to tape the whole door. So I'm thinking every time I come home, I've got to tape the door up again. Luckily, I taped it once and it sort of just stuck there. I could retape it every time. Smart. >> So we're going to leave on the first night, but I fixed it. >> Highlights. Uh, look, if you have a family, obviously it's a lot different to when it was when say a boy trip >> blackout. You didn't get blackout is what you're saying. >> I remember everything apart from like the some of the wakeups. It's all like but we you know those sort of like men that sort of sit there like and pose like this like statues go on. >> So I was like, "Oh, there's two statues on a seat in Surface Paradise." And I was like, I want to just sit Bowie in the middle of them and just get a photo of him so it looks like he's hanging with the statues. And I I have to be out of shot, but it's scary putting on the seat and leaving him because he could just fall off. So I was hiding behind the seat, laying him down, and then Bowie went to like touch the statue and it's a [ __ ] person. >> Like it was a real person. But no, you could not tell. Like I'll get the photo. I'll >> That's their whole thing is that they look like >> it's Yeah, it's like all over Tik Tok. >> Yeah, but the other one was a statue. This one wasn't right. >> So, I'm just thinking, man, they And then you look at the out of it, it made him cry. [laughter] >> Oh, no. >> I realiz it was my reaction cuz I was like, "Oh my god." And then he he gauges you and that's what makes him cuz I've been watching YouTube videos, parenting videos, and you can't you can't react. >> Yeah. And >> what if there's a fire? >> Yeah. You just sort of >> Look at the colors. [laughter] >> Yeah. You sit still and you >> don't touch. That's hot. Is that like if they fall over, you're not meant to go, "Oh, 100%." You meant to just go, "You're right. Up." You get laugh and then they don't >> [ __ ] your head back and laugh. >> And then we went to SeaWorld to help the animals because, you know, >> went to help the animals. >> Yeah. Cuz if you give money to SeaWorld, then they help the animals. That's how it works, mate. >> Really? >> Yeah. Fighting climate change right there. >> Did they have the curled fins? Cuz that means they're unhappy. >> No. No. That just means that they're they're like um clowning about. So they're they're jolly or some [ __ ] Did you feed the jellyfish? >> No, I threw a >> No, it was a rock. I threw a rock at a jellyfish. Went straight through it. >> That was at the beach though, right? No, >> that's SeaWorld. >> No, I made that up. That's >> I saw you spraying some children >> there. So, there's this game where like kids go past on a pirate ship and you're on the sidelines and you can just wait for them to go by and you can just go at them with these water cannons and it's like they're designed for that. So, we spent about 45 minutes there. Man, you must have been exhausted after that. >> I was. Yeah. Yeah. But it was so cuz you can just line a kid up and I'd focus on one [laughter] and I'd just be in their face just >> and you targeted one. >> Yeah. Always one. >> Were they death staring you? >> Well, like they didn't they sort of smile. It starts with smiling and like you know I wouldn't realize >> I wouldn't go younger than six but like if they were above six they were free game. >> But then if they were a parent then I'd only go for the parent. So I did have like ethics and stuff like that. It's good to have ethics. Yeah, >> ethics. >> Okay. >> And yeah, and then so that was fun. And then we basically um went bushw walking and did a whole bunch of other went riding. He's got a little bike seat attached. Man, it's you think it's not going to be fun being a dad. >> I don't think that at all. >> Well, I I I was like, man, this is it's just going to be hard work, which it is, but it is so fun. And you got some rides. >> Yeah. A couple went on the little roller new roller coaster was cool. And then >> did Bowie. >> No. No. He was scared of that. Lou noises. Yeah. Loud noises freaking him out. Had a few breakdowns. I beat that out of him. >> He's a bit touchy, isn't he? >> Well, yeah. He's scared of men that he doesn't know. >> I was worried cuz we took him into granddad's house the other night and I was I hadn't seen him for a while. But he was if he knows you, he's okay. He's weary. He doesn't trust the world yet. >> It's good. >> Yeah. You and me didn't like >> But yeah, man. It's very fun week. It's It's um >> maritan. Did you find it was really like the elevators are really annoying? >> Yeah. So busy >> and I had we had all of our our gear. We had to cut up the lifts >> but they don't have the trolley cuz they're all designated hotel and we're Airbnb. So I had to cut every bag up. It was bull. [clears throat] >> Anyway, >> where are you going, Martin Lson? >> I don't know. >> Wow. >> Mom just books Airbnbs and I just say yes and then off we go. >> Oh, it's nice. >> Yeah, it's nice. It's kind of like a surprise and she never misses. It's probably some in the mountains. Some thing. >> You haven't even seen pictures. >> Yeah, I've seen some pictures. I just don't know where it is. >> Yeah, [laughter] >> it doesn't matter where it is. You wouldn't even know where you are anyway. >> It doesn't matter the name of the place. I just drive and look at the maps. [laughter] >> Not even where you're going. >> Just looks at the map. >> I just see the how long it takes and I look at the roads and then that's it. >> You time it with the >> You know there's a corner coming up so you know slowly turn. >> Yeah. If the maps are off, I Yeah, I could die. [laughter] >> Yeah. Look, very refreshing. Very fun. >> Do you get lost without maps? >> Yeah, both. >> Oh, yeah. Marty's always been like that. I need to make it home. >> Yeah. I need maps to get here still. [laughter] >> Like three two turns. >> Yeah, it's literally two turns >> cuz you don't need to remember it. So, what's the point? You just [ __ ] >> Yeah. Marty and Luke are opposite. Like Luke can go to a new country, walk around for about three minutes, and be like, "Yep, no, I get it now." And then he just knows everywhere, >> you know? It's crazy. >> It's a muscle that I don't flex. I don't bother trying. So, I think it's just getting worse and worse. >> And sometimes I don't know where I am. [laughter] >> Yeah. Well, look, one in two gets dementia now. >> What? >> Imagine that. 50% of us here are going to get just lose their mind, slowly die. Yeah. One and two. >> Where'd you see that? YouTube. >> No, no, I just I just made it up. >> Cool. [laughter] cuz he's got dementia. >> I was scared there for a bit. >> Pretty sure. I reckon it's one and two. >> Josh has gotten lost. >> Yeah. Wow. He's already got it. >> He's hiding. >> Um, >> we need to discuss the wrestling. >> Yeah. Matt and Michael are going to wrestle. It's a full-blown fight. >> I have an idea. So, it's a quite a technical sport. I had a little look into it and it's it's a lot of lot of stuff to it. So, I reckon we to keep it simple. We have two rounds. First round, Michael is Matt is on his knees, all fours, right? Michael is on his back with his like latched on like this. So, you're in a dominant position. And then Matt needs to try and get out of that position and either buck you off or get on top. All right. And then we do the same thing. Rolls, reverse, time. Matt just stands up with Michael on his back. >> Yeah. For me, well, you'd have to turn [laughter] around. >> You'd have to get Michael onto the ground. Standing up's only half the bail. You have to then put Michael on the ground. >> Yeah. Yeah. I reckon because like, you know, you could sort of grab an arm and try and pull around and try and get him on the ground. >> Two questions. >> Roll reversal. >> Go on. >> Do we have to wear clothes? >> Absolutely not. No. No. Well, you do. It's YouTube. You have to wear undies. >> I'm in. >> I'm wearing I'm wearing my clothes. But like look, it is man it like I know that I there's no way in hell that he would ever beat me in like like running sprinting cuz that's it's geared to me. >> So we had >> this is geared to you big time. >> We had an earlier debate that Michael would do no training and I would get a year to train for a 100 meter sprint and that he would still win. >> But very interesting. There's no like if unless you dedicated yourself, >> you just have to lose a lot of weight because >> coaching you'd have a shot. >> It's like it's like you're running the same distance but with imagine carrying a 20 kilo weight >> under your arm and running with that. >> Probably >> like it's you need to just lose the weight. >> Sprinter is quite muscular. I know like um Bolt wasn't. >> He's definitely but he was Yeah, >> you look at the best ones, they're all jacked. >> It's odd. >> Yeah. So, look. It's just explosive. >> Surely the longer you race, the skinnier you get. >> Yeah. >> How's that bloody science for you? >> So, yeah. Look. Yeah. And if you did train for a year, there's no It's just You can't beat me at that. >> I think I'd still back Michael in that to be honest. >> Be very interesting. >> Yeah. Well, do you want to do it? But we need stakes. >> You guys are going to forget about >> No [ __ ] way. [laughter] >> There's no [ __ ] way. Unless the stakes were huge. >> Yeah, I know. Like, and the motivation that you imagine you waking up in the morning after just playing Fortnite, it's like, I can't be training today. [snorts] >> Yeah, I've still got nine months. >> Yeah. You wouldn't start till like a month out. >> You know, when you're like ages away and you're like, "Oh, I've still got plenty of time." That sort of mindset. You need to have like You need to switch gogggins. >> Unless we tell him it's in a Fortnite and then we keep pushing the date back. >> It's a good idea. It's a good idea. >> It's a good idea. >> No. too sure what this conversation's about. We're getting off topic. >> Look, I'm going to lose wrestling today, but I'm going to give it my all cuz I'm a competitor. >> You You don't know that. You're quite explosive >> and fast. You could use his weight against him. Like, >> yeah, I did watch a whole sumo wrestling, so that will have brain power there. >> All right. Shall we um should we What's his story? >> Yeah, that's that's mine. >> I have a story for you guys. >> He did a poo. >> No, it's nothing to do with me, but it I read it on Reddit. I'd find some [ __ ] on Reddit, man. No go on Reddit. Neither do I. >> There is some crazy stuff on there. And it made it reminded me because when I was in school, I was on this school camp and you know when like there's like there's houses of kids everywhere and they're all staying at this camp and you know when there's some kind of commotion like a fight or something going cuz you can hear voices in the distance. Me and Luke heard voices so we was like, "Oh, let's just le it." So we just like ran out and as we followed the sounds we worked out that it was coming from a toilet and we're like, "Oh, this is weird." So, we went in the toilet and there was about 12 12 of our like classmates like looking over this cubicle into like the bowl and I kid you not, there was a there was this almost the size of my forearm. I I am not exaggerating. There's this one guy in my grade and I'm not going to say his name. >> Please say his name. >> Say his name. >> I nearly said it. No, >> Daniel. Close. But my this thing was freakish. And he like he was at the door sort of like wrapped in a towel and shaking his [laughter] head at everyone. So embarrassed. And like it turns out that he has this thing where he can only he can only [ __ ] like once every 3 or 4 days. >> So his are just huge. It's a digestive system that some >> some people have. And I found this bloody story that is similar to it. >> I was like a blessing. It's not just him. I thought it was just him. >> I'm confused. How did they everyone realize that that took place? Was he like, "You look >> wooden flush." >> Wouldn't [ __ ] flush. There's no way getting a forearm down a toilet. >> You got You got to cut it up. >> Exactly. Marty, >> is that what they did? >> Listen to this. So, this guy writes on Reddit. For some reason, every single person in my family takes absolutely enormous dumps. Like, we have really slow digestion. We'd only sh once every two or three days. Similar to the guy I went to school with. The [ __ ] would often land sideways in the toilet and just refuse to flush. The water just swirls around it and the poop just sits there. So, we had a solution. They had an old rusty kitchen knife >> that they'd hang on a hook in the bathroom. So, this guy literally just thought, "Okay, you have the toilet brush, the uh what else do you have? The toilet rolls and a >> and the knife and the toilet and a [ __ ] knife." So like where it got interesting was and because because of this he wouldn't he wouldn't in public toilets because it's like well I know that I've got a coming in two or three >> in public toilets more that >> but he didn't want to have the flushing problem. >> Yeah just leave exactly leave it for someone else. >> But anyway so he said when I was 22 I stayed at my friend's place for a week so it couldn't wait. Sure enough went to the toilet wouldn't flush. So I looked around, no knife, thinking nothing of it because he literally thought everyone in the world had a knife in their toilet. Cracked the door and called out for a [ __ ] knife. [laughter] Silent, my friend looked at me like I'd completely lost my mind. I explained as casually as I could, but by the time I'd finished, he was crying with laughter. Everyone else in the house started laughing, too, because they'd all heard the commotion. So this guy literally thought that you needed a knife. >> Yeah. for your parents not to prep you on that and be like, "Look, this isn't normal. This doesn't happen everywhere else." >> That's weird. >> This is like the up into pieces like meatloaf. >> That is still a thing to yell at even if you do think people >> Yeah. Wouldn't you just get the [ __ ] knife? >> Wouldn't you just get the brush and >> Oh, to get all over the bristles. >> Just take it out with your hands and [laughter] break it into a few smaller pieces. >> Roll it. Roll it like a pizza dough. So, it's real skinny. And then just like >> Yeah. into a thin long and then you feed it into the pipe, wipe your [laughter] hands on your hoodie and then leave >> or just flush and wash your hands in the flush splash >> or like [laughter] >> literally you'd think that like basically if you let it sit in the water for long enough that the water would disintegrate it. You know, >> everyone if you'd have let's let's see your biggest. If you have abnormally large shoes, please DM them to Matt Brown111 on Instagram and we're going to have a look through them [laughter] next week. And so I'd really like to see them. So just the most grotesque, doesn't have to be massive. It could be ones with blood streaks through it or fish in them or whatever. Just send them through to Matt Brown's Instagram. Um, and we'll have a look at them next week and and commentate because I want to see one. No children's poos allowed though. [laughter] >> Don't send them to me. Why? Cuz I don't want to have to deal with that. >> Come on. That's fun. >> No. Send them to you. Send them to Marty. Arty. I just >> Wait on. You're the community manager. >> Yeah. So I send them to Fully Actual and I'll >> send them to all of us, but mainly Matt. If you send it to us, make sure you send it to Matt, too. >> I think just to Matt. Let's just pick one. I'll derail the whole thing. >> Everyone's confused. I'm down with it. Send it to Matt. And while you're at it, if you see any wild videos out there on the dark web, flick them through, too. [laughter] >> I just won't open anything. >> All right, guys. We're going to have [laughter] a fat ass bong break and car and [ __ ] some of this [ __ ] We'll be right back. >> Very good. And we're back. Um, >> and yay yay yay. It's fussy little boys. Hit it, Brown. Come on, [laughter] get on with it. >> We should We used to count. We got to start counting. >> Hey, we're up to 10. >> Fussy little boy. Fussy little world. He's a fussy boy. F. >> ALL RIGHT, this is Fussy Little Boys, where we feed Matt and Michael really weird to try and expand their culinary. >> Sometimes it's poisonous. >> Yeah. What country is this one from? >> This and that is what I want to talk about. This is from a shop called South African Foods. PT Y Ltd. And I I had to mention this place because Samuel, the guy who runs it, is I think the top 10 loveliest men I've ever spoken to ever. He called me on the phone after I ordered and was like, >> "Check if you didn't die from his food." >> Oh, he was like talking. He was like kind of excited that I ordered what I ordered because I think it it is a South African delicacy, but it's not ordered very much. So he was just like and he was lovely. He was like, "Oh, we don't have this in stock. Happy to refund you. Happy to do." He was so accommodating. So if you like, he has some really delicious [ __ ] So if you ever want some South African food, check him out. He's a bloody legend. >> What do they eat there? >> He has like a bunch of like dried meats and stuff. They really like billongs, like dried. >> Where? >> Rhino and [ __ ] >> It might be Brisbane. Brisbane or Sydney? One of the two. >> Limited food though. Rhinos and [ __ ] >> But they do have a delicacy and it's in my pocket. Is it a meat? >> Oh, your mic just went out. Can you hear that? >> Really? >> I never will. >> Testing. Testing. I can hear me. >> I can't hear him now. >> Pausing. Technical. Matt, do a technical difficulties jingle. Michael, make it run until Matt sorts it. You've got a T and an E and a C. Then a H. Don't forget the N I see. A L L Y. And why do you ask? Cuz we've got problems. Alas, we're fixing them currently. We will be back soon. [laughter] >> That's very good, Michael. >> All right. Anyway, back to it. It's time to feast. And look, look, I don't think you're going to hate this one because I think the scariest thing about fussy little boys sometimes is like the death factor when it's like slimy and fresh. This is a dried food. >> Okay, so this is called dried edible mopani worms. [laughter] Worms have parasites. >> Yeah. So, these are a dried mopani worm/caterpillar from South Africa. >> Ah, it's a caterpillar. >> And the ingredients literally is just worms. That's it. >> Have you did you Google? >> Absolutely, brother. >> Cuz there's one time where you're like, >> "Yeah, yeah, it's going to be fine." And then we Googled and rat lung. >> Yeah, the clams. They They have like >> the clam. Yeah. See, so have you done research? Well, these these are the parasites in like rhinos and they pluck them out and dry them. >> I'll just say yes. >> Yeah. No, I have done the research. >> I'll just say yes. I hate fusty boys, man. The day that this segment dies is the day. >> It was good at the start, but it it See, now James will just try and push it and push it and push it and we will be dead one day. >> Look, I'll have one. >> Come on. >> Yeah, good. >> I'll have one. >> Oh, look. >> Yeah, me too. >> Whoa. You guys are game. They don't gay. >> No. Very dry. >> Can we get some straight up to the camera so people know what we're dealing with? >> We'll send one to every viewer. >> Just comment your address and we'll send you one. >> It smells like fish food. >> Oh, that's great. >> That's not good. >> A cross between like fish food and the shitty of those pellets you um feed your guinea pigs. >> Are they colorful? >> What? And the southern Africans, they just snack on these, do they? They've got little hairs and like little spiderw webs on them. >> So, what they just The southern Africans just snack on these while they're hunting people. Look at that. >> They got spiderw webs on them. >> Can we get some uh >> This can't be safe if we get some up to the cameras. Take it up so they can see. >> People need to understand. >> Spider webs on them. Oh, seat belt. James, [laughter] >> that looks like it's mold. Like it's old. >> Looks like something you'd find at the back of a couch. >> That's old [ __ ] >> And that got through immigration. >> No. >> Well, it didn't. He's bloody already bloody snuck it through immigration, >> mate. Everything gets through immigration these days, mate. >> Except for Rahul. >> Yeah, [laughter] >> maybe we should try and smuggle him in under under our shootings. >> We want him here. >> Yeah, we do. We need Rahul here. >> Smuggle him in in a suitcase or something. >> All right. So yeah, this is what they look like here. We just showed you on the camera. Oh, have a whiff. Oh, actually, hang on. I'll take one. >> Pluck the golden speck. >> Have a bloody whiff and then pass it to your mate. >> So, do they is this like popcorn to the southern Africans? [laughter] >> I guess so. >> To the southern >> I'll get while you guys are having a little look and a sniff. I'll get some detail about it. >> Come on, Brownie. [ __ ] pick one. Hang on. >> Have a check. I'm checking to see if I'm going to die. It's not going to say that on the [ __ ] package. You [ __ ] Snoop. >> It might puff. >> They're heavy. >> So, mapi worms are the caterpillar of an emperor moth. >> So, they're not actually worms. Um but they they are traditional and highly nutrition nutritious food eaten in South Africa particular Zimbabwe, Botswana, Namibia, Zamibia and parts of South Africa. They taste a little bit like beef jerky mixed with mushrooms mixed with smoky bacon. A very earthy and savory flavor. >> I can't believe this is happening. >> It looks fine. It looks like a hawk talon. >> I'm not too >> Oh, dried. They can be quite chewy similar to jerky. These look like they're going to be real crunchy. >> Not too worried about this. >> Oh, yeah. It's an interesting texture. Wish there was saltier. >> Can I eat it now? >> Yeah, brother. Go for it. >> I don't like the hairs. >> They're around 65% protein, boys. >> Extremely [laughter] dry. Bill Gates will be happy. >> Oh, they are chewy. More chewy than I expected. >> Not very nice, I must say. >> Oh, >> doesn't doesn't feel like food. >> No. Feels like I'm eating cardboard. >> Oh, there's sandy bits in it. That must be the digestive tract. Oh, the wings. I can taste the wings. >> They don't have wings yet, James. They got to cocoon. >> They're starting to develop them. >> They need to go to cocoon. [laughter] >> Cooking tips to heat. >> Please heat worms. >> Please heat worms before consumption. Literally says that under the cooking tips. [laughter] >> Sorry, boys. >> That's a shame. >> We're all going to be spewing our guts through. It tastes like dog food. >> No, I think dog food's a bit better. Oh, >> wow. Look, I'm glad it wasn't meat. Technically, >> well, you did all right with that. >> A bug I'd prefer over meat. >> What would you give that out of 10? [laughter] >> Matt's struggling. Look at Matt's >> in terms of like it's doable. It's >> got a little spice to it. I'd say it's like a >> not enough. Some chili and salt. >> Yeah, it needs some salt >> or some fresh lemon juice over it. >> It's like a bit of spice to it. Look, in terms of being able to do it, it's a seven out of 10. I can do that. That's a stop. >> Are they safe? >> Anyway, should we move on? >> Yeah, we better move on, >> man. They're not good. >> Anyway, get out there and order some mapani worms. >> Yeah, man. South Africa. That That's >> That's a one. I suppose they don't have much to choose from, do they? They're [ __ ] each other over there. The southern Africans. [laughter] >> Not the northern ones, though. >> Oh no. Matt's about to do something really, really disrespectful to his boss. >> He's going to throw it on Michael. You can tell. You can see by the way he's positioning his body. He's going to pour them all on. Don't come closer to me. Don't come. Look, he's 100%. >> Yeah. Come on, Matt. You're very predictable. Just peg him at him. >> I swear on Julie. That's what I was trying to >> swear on Julian. Did you say >> on Julie? >> Oh, his father. >> All the penies and allies. That's right, Matthew. [cough] >> Yeah. Actually, a bit of get that taste out of your [ __ ] the southern African flavors out of me mouth. >> Yeah, it wasn't the best, >> but he's got a lot of other good things there. So check it out. >> Yeah, >> I could I could I could survive. >> I that's one of the least worst ones we've ever done. >> Really? >> I don't mind a bug. >> Anyway, that was that was not a not a hard one this week, but I'm very happy to report that I I feel like bamboozled will carry that. >> [ __ ] no. [clears throat] >> Well, for [ __ ] sake, I guess. Let's get that [ __ ] out of the way. See what I've done. Eh, [sighs and gasps] >> I'll go fetch I'll go fetch the goodies. >> All right, quick bong break and we have no idea what's happening right now. I hate this. I'm going to go All right, Brown. Hit it. >> No, not me. >> No, not again. Please. Oh, I'm so confused. I can't see. You've been bamboozled, [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Check it. I say you've been bamboozled, [ __ ] Not me. Not me. Not me. [laughter] >> Hey. >> A >> It's bamboozled time. >> It's bamboozled time. The boys think that there is only one toad, but I've actually found three. They think it's just them. It's going to be all three who have lost. Bamboozled, baby. So, Bamboozled is a little game where one person out of Michael, Marty, and Matt has to do something a little bit scary or a little bit gross or a little bit. So, that's the plan today. So this we've done this before, but it and it was my favorite episode of Bamboozled ever. >> So luckily today Kevin was like out in the yard and he was like moving a bunch of like BIG CEMENT BLOCKS. >> NO. >> And I was like, you know what? I just found a big old cane toad. >> Big old cane toad. So it was like, yeah, quite a big NASTY LOOKING CANE TOAD. [screaming] SO [laughter] LAST time Michael got this. So basically all three boys will be wearing a little blindfold here and they're going to have a container on their lap and then they open the lid and the goal is just to put their hand into the container and feel around like that and try and hold the toad. >> So you got to bring it out. >> Yeah, you got to bring it out. Show it. >> Come on. Suck it off. [laughter] Suck it head off. Oh no. Suck its dick >> and then put it back in the container. We can't hurt them. We can't throw them. >> Can you get high from them? >> Oh yeah. Can you die from them? >> They're quite poisonous. >> Look, >> I wouldn't be sucking on them. I was joking about that. >> May I throw an alternation and if we vote on it, then we can do it. I vote instead of putting our hands in, we drop it down our undies. >> Oh, come on. >> That won't do that. >> Yeah, I don't want it on my dick. >> You knew he'd say no to that. [laughter] >> Man, a wart is cool. Imagine having something to pick at. >> Oh. Um, >> so just maybe moving this just in case people freak out or something. I understand. [laughter] >> [ __ ] toads, man. [ __ ] this [ __ ] >> No, they don't bite, but they're just very quite alarming to touch. >> It's like imagine an old woman going like this. >> You feel Oh, are you okay with this? >> It's not going to bite you. They can't even open their mouth that way. >> The thought of it hopping around trying to get away from you. >> Yeah. One in three chance, though. So, like we're basically You can't It can't happen. >> Exactly. But I still go back to that story from high school where this this kid went to pick one up and it like shot its stuff out and he was like and it's got him in the face. >> Well, lucky for you. I've made these boxes, right? And you lift up and it's it blocks your eyes, brother. And also you got bloody this on here. >> Did he die? >> No, but he it got in his mouth and his whole mouth like swelled up. I had to go to hospital and get a [snorts] shot. >> Well, I've picked up hundreds of toads in my life. Never happened to >> Never happened to him. That's why I was so shocked. They piss like drips on you and stuff. That's the kind of [ __ ] I'm talking about. >> Yeah. Look, I reckon we do it and we do it well. So, if we do this, you must pick it up and you must show the cam. >> I'm having a reaction to those worms, man. The whole back of my mouth is itchy as [ __ ] >> Oh, dude. This is so exciting. [laughter] >> That's how money died. >> Do we I wonder if we Oh, we got No, we don't have >> I'll have one with you. Dead. [laughter] >> It is a long trip to the hospital. Now I'm feeling all itchy. [clears throat] Stop saying that. >> There's a vet down the road. >> Is there I don't know. [laughter] >> Why do we find that so funny? >> As Matt takes his live there after. >> Now I'm going to put a little towel or something on you just because I don't want you to feel it hopping around. I don't want you to I don't want it to be spoiled before the hand. >> I lost the last one. >> No, Michael did. Wasn't the last one that um >> Oh, I see. >> You lost the spider. >> Spider one. >> He did lose that. Yeah. So, you get to choose first the number one. >> But did he really actually do the spider? >> Yeah. >> Doesn't matter. He still bloody lost it. He had more of a spider on him than you did. >> Fair enough. >> It jumped. It jumped off [laughter] >> for you. >> I thought that was for you. >> Thought that was the time. >> I want two. >> Yeah. Okay. >> I will go and prepare the tads. >> The dude is fine. >> All right. Fine. >> So, >> yuck as [ __ ] You're going to be all right, man. You're just going to You're just going to bloody a grope of a bloody toad. >> It's very scary. >> Poison. Poison >> jumping around trying to get away from me like >> And the toad has been put in the container like quite aggressively, too. So, a lot of it's like poisons coming out of its back glands. >> How big are we talking, >> dude? Show me again. Less. Far less. Half that. Yeah, about that. >> That's two C's put together. See? Oh, he said see >> going to be SQUIRTING [ __ ] ON US. >> 50% chance itchy. >> It might just be real calm. All right, put your [ __ ] back [ __ ] on. >> This is getting warts. >> Anyone looks, you're in trouble. >> I can't see. [snorts] >> Oh, actually numbers. Take your masks off. >> Horrible history. >> All right, Marty, you get to choose first. My baby. What number? >> What number was I last time? >> 56. [laughter] I might go number five again. >> Okay, so Marty gets no container. >> No. Um, I think I was number three last crowd. Michael is of that. [laughter] >> I think I was number three. Is it already in the containers? >> Correct. >> I don't want this, man. >> You want me to pick? >> No, cuz that this every time I pick last, I get >> It's no advantage. >> I know, but it's just like I'm going to go number three. >> Okay, Michael. >> I will go number two. And that leaves Brown with number one. >> Fools, >> you're number one. >> So, three, two, one. Correct. >> JAMES, NO. >> GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY. I'll see you on the other side. >> Michael's so brave this time. He was freaking out. I'm terrible. If this is me, I'm [ __ ] I'm going to scream. >> I'm going to hate this. I'm this confident it should >> I'm just going to throw it. >> One in three chance >> technically. >> Dude, I don't know if I can do this. I'm B. >> It's hard enough. Marty, >> have a bloody dose of concrete. Matt used to every day. >> I'm putting the thing down. >> Matt, can you Are you going to be able to do this? >> No, I don't know. >> We have to pick it up. >> I don't know if I can pick it up. That's just what's freaking >> You have to. >> All right. >> Just brave it out. It's a toad. >> You can hear You can hear the [ __ ] out. >> Can you? >> Yeah. >> Okay. All right, man. >> I'm so excited for this boy. I'm I'm literally I'm freaking out, man. >> Someone is getting up, man. Those boxes, by the way, well done, me. They're all lit up and [ __ ] They look hectic, >> Mike. Oh my I don't know if I can do this. >> I [laughter] think it's me. >> Why do you think that? Can you feel it? >> I feel like it's feel it moving. >> All right. >> Oh no. >> So terrible. >> Oh, wait. When you lift the containers, we might block your face. Can you lift the lid up, Michael? Oh, yeah. We will block your face. Let's get rid of the [ __ ] cushions. Knock the [ __ ] cushions onto the ground. >> So, it mustn't be Michael cuz he tested with Michael. >> Interesting. All right. You ready? Open the lids. >> Marty on your lap. >> Hey, is it going to jump out? >> They're toads. They don't jump very high. >> You sure? >> Promise. >> Open up. >> Oh, man. I'm so scared, dude. I can't do this. >> Marty's not being brave. >> Open up right up, Marty. There you go. All right. You ready? Hands in >> in three. Actually, Michael, lift yours up a little bit just in case. >> Three, two, one, GO. [screaming] >> GENTLE, GENTLE, MONEY. [laughter] [screaming] >> I DON'T KNOW WHY. YOU GOT TO PICK IT UP. [screaming] YOU GOT TO PICK IT UP. [laughter] [screaming] >> DON'T DO IT. [laughter] >> I HAD IT IN MY HEAD AND JUMP. ALL RIGHT. [screaming] You can take your masks off. >> What's going on? >> You've all been bamboozled. [laughter] >> OH, I TOUCHED IT. MATT'S hands are dripping with poison. Oh, I It's I didn't even touch >> Michael won cuz he he literally picked his up and now it's it's loose here somewhere. >> There it is. >> Whoa. >> Oh, yours fetch it, too. [laughter] >> Mine Marty's. Look at all >> [ __ ] That's all poison. >> You guys can name them now if you want. YOU HAVE ONE EACH. >> WA. Mine really like >> Yeah, Matt had poison dripping from his finger bones. Stop. [laughter] >> I'm covering. >> Okay, I'll [ __ ] with you. >> I I can't do that now. [laughter] >> Marty was literally like stabbing at it with his fingers. >> Dude, I could feel it moving when I got the box. [laughter] I was like, it's me. And then and then as soon as I put my fingers in, I got to >> up, man. >> Would you do it again now? No. Everyone should [ __ ] do it cuz I it mine's a [ __ ] venomous little >> Yeah, Matt got the biggest one just by luck. >> Look how much good >> Oh [laughter] man, I'm sorry, brother. [ __ ] You look scared. Did I hurt you? >> No, it's cuz it's not their time of year. They're supposed to be like underground. Yeah, just sleeping. >> They're not there like >> Well, wow, James, this is incredible. >> Aren't they cool? >> All right, throw it on, Michael. Here we go. Three, two, I'm going to go and watch my [ __ ] >> Yeah, let's do that. And let's go release our little buddies out into the lawn. >> I won. I'm the best. >> Dangerous barbs. >> Dragon. >> Dragon boy. >> Puff the magic. [laughter] Dragon the lift. >> Well, look, that was that was different. I won. >> Yeah, Michael was the bravest. Followed by Matt, followed by Marty. >> Marty doesn't like mystery animals, man. I don't think they have many animals in German. >> Not like that anyway. We just >> What have they got? >> The humans themselves. >> Scary animal-wise in Germany. >> Bears. They got bears in the forest. >> Well, that you got in the forests [laughter] and they're terrifying. Other than that, you got the occasional eagle, but then that's it. Are they still there in the forest? >> Oh yeah. >> Snakes. Snakes in Germany. >> I don't think so. >> Wow. >> Just the women. >> Really? [laughter] >> That's got to be offensive. >> I want to know. >> Surely there's a snake. >> All right. Uh, Black Worst. >> That's right. Black worst. >> It's time for the black book, I guess. >> Yes. Oh, I'm getting ready for this. Oh yeah, >> my [ __ ] thing's broken, Matt. >> Oh, wait. It's fixed. >> There are things in um there are snakes in Germany. >> Yeah, the women >> earthworms. >> All right, everybody. >> This is >> It's time for Matt's black book. Hit it, Brown. >> I have nothing. I am nothing. I need something. And that something is my book. And it's black. It records who I've HAD IN THE SACK. I'VE HAD HER. I've had they. I've had him. I swear I'm not gay. Peace. [laughter] >> Very good, Michael. And this is where we found Matt's little black book where he writes all of his >> quirky little adventures uh in and um I just randomly select mine. >> Hello. >> Hey. >> Oh, itchy leg. >> That's right. >> Mappy worms. >> Itchy knee. >> Mappy worms. All right. >> [sighs] [laughter] >> You made me laugh. >> Was that part of the story? >> That's the beginning. Yeah. >> Oh, you get a lot of flavor when that happens. >> You're my man. >> No more bubbling. Okay, mate. >> Ruined my throat. >> Here we go. [sighs] It was playtime for Brown and I was arranging my custard skins in the garage. I collect them. I cook fresh batches of custard and let them cool by my windows. Then I simply peel the custard skins off and file them away. I smile so hard that my that my gingivitis bleeds. I watch the blood drip into my custard. Red streaks swirl throughout the custard. I can smell my breath from the bloody gingivitis custard. I'm having fun. I look at the clock. [ __ ] I had to go to work. I cared for this disabled person part-time. It was great money and relatively easy work. However, my client today was severely disabled. I planned to take her for a day out to the carnival. I met her at the I met her at the entrance and there she was. Twisted little winglet arms and crossed eyes and mouth a gape. Hey, Gorp. Let's go. You excited, Matt? Ready for a fun day? I wasn't in the mood for small talk and ignored her dumb [ __ ] I grabbed her sickly bony arm and led her straight to the most extreme ride of the carnival, the slingshot. Let's do this. Are you sure, Matt? It looks really scary. You'll be fine. Just trust me. Move. I grunted as I started pushing to the front of the line because I was with a [snorts] Hey, what do you think you're doing? I stopped and turned around. It was a guy pushing a lady in a wheelchair. Damn it. Another disabled person. Have a look at her. I pointed at Gorp. She's fully Mate. She's been wanting to go on this ride for months. The man looked over at Gorp and back at me. She looks fine to me, buddy. We've been lined up for an hour. Matt, it's okay. We can just get in line behind these nice people. I held my finger up at Gorp to shut her mouth. I moved in closer to the man so Gorp couldn't hear me. I don't think you understand. She's totally She's basically not even human anymore. The man looked completely shocked and taken her back. I think you might be the one with her disability, mate. Why don't you just relax and get in line like everyone else? I clenched my fist and tensed my neck. Gorp stepped in. Matt, Matt, please. Let's just get in behind these people and have a nice day. We won't have to wait too long. I could bar I could barely understand Gorp. I think she's close to death. But to avoid a physical altercation, I backed off and we slid in behind the paralyzed chick and her. I was still seething as they were secured into the slingshot seats together. The wheelchair chick had long flowing hair which dangled out the back of the ride. H I got an idea. The carnival worker had finished and walked back to his control station. This was my chance. I quickly walked over to them. Hey guys, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for how I spoke to you. While I was apologizing, I took the wheelchair girl's long hair and started tying it to a large bolt on the platform. I just really want Gorp to have a good time, but it shouldn't be at the expense of others, so I'm really sorry. I tied a strong knot with a large chunk of hair without being noticed. The worker stood, "Hey, mate, you got to move." "Yeah, yeah, sorry." I stood and walked back over to the line, and the man in the wheelchair and lady smiled at me and accepted my apology. "Hey, mate, that was really a shorp. Just watch." I couldn't miss this. 3 2 1 go. The slingshot exploded from the platform. The wheelchair lady's head snapped back as her hair caught. I heard a fast rip sound and watched as they shot off into the air. I looked at the platform and to my horror, the wheelchair lady's entire hair was still tied to the bolt along with a huge chunk of her scalp skin. I heard screams coming from the wheelchair lady and noticed blood specks starting to rain down on us. I had accidentally scalped the I [snorts] thought her hair would just rip. People started realizing, including Gorp. Matt, what did you do? People started screaming and running. Parents shielded their children's eyes and turned away in disgust. The worker was panicking and tried to stop the ride and bring them back. Someone call the ambulance. SHE'S BEEN SCALPED. WHY DID YOU DO THIS, MATT? It was the ride. Her hair got caught. I panicked and punched Gorp. A clean shot on her cheek, and she dropped in a crumbled heap. I turned and started bounding backwards, but was immediately tackled by other carnival goers. I struggled hard but was choked unconscious by one of the security officers. When I came [snorts] to, I was in handcuffs. There were multiple ambulances around us. I saw the wheelchair chick's head being bandaged as she screamed in pain. I could see her skull. Gorp was speaking with the police. She was holding an ice pack on her face where I'd clocked her. I'm really sorry, officer. He's extremely disabled. I should have kept more of an eye on him. He's disabled. I didn't understand. Then it hit me. I am the disabled one. >> [laughter] >> Gorp is my carer. Gorp was arrested for failing to stop me. The police let me go because I was deemed too mentally to know any better. Oh well, maybe next year. [laughter] >> That was that was the movie Shudder Island 2. >> Oh, dude. [laughter] >> Oh man. >> Oh man. Just cuz you're pissed off at Cor. That is extreme behavior. Wow. Man, I'm glad that that happened. >> That's a really, really intense vision. The head slingshot [laughter] thing. Oh. Oh, man. That was a journey, dude. Thank you. Thank you, Matt. I'm glad that you have these. >> That happened to you. Would you ever go on the slingshot, Marty? >> No. Not a chance in hell. >> We did. >> Yeah. >> You'd never do it. >> Me and Marty on terrified, >> man. We've got to do rides with Marty for a video >> and Kevin. >> So, I forgot you're scared of [ __ ] >> So am I. >> You can do roller coasters, right? >> Yeah. I don't like to though. It's just unnecessary stress. >> Yeah. I'm the same. I can't do it. I can do Gravitron. >> The only stress I want on my body is is from drugs. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. Man, I like I love a thrill and a good ride. The thing is the rides aren't thrill enough. I find >> You get scared of them, too. >> Yeah. But like it's not like I did the roller coaster last week and I was like I had my hands up the whole time. I was like [clears throat] I didn't get that fear in that stomach where you're like oh and you have to sort of go like this. I'm always giant drop. That's my limit. That's pretty >> I'll do that and that gives me the heebiejibbies. >> Yeah. >> But roller coaster is like man make a good one. >> What about ferris wheels? >> Yeah. So you you get scared on them because of heights but >> No, I don't. That's not true. >> [laughter] >> Have you been on the the Brisbane Eye? >> Yeah. >> What? >> Yeah. Cost 35 bucks. Ain't getting my cash. >> No. >> I even rock it a bit like that. >> That's how crazy I get on them. >> But anyway, let's move on. Um, and let's do some Tinders first because there is someone has a number within the Tinders that I'd like to use as the prank call. >> Oh, that's exciting news. >> So, Brown, if you wouldn't mind playing the jingle. >> [laughter] >> Saddened lonely women >> on an app. Tinder's there for our laughs. Maybe sex if we're staffed. Only cows can be. >> All right. And this is where we go on some Tinder adventures for Matt Brown. We spend so much time and effort and resources into finding Matt a rootwife. >> You haven't found me anything. >> Success rate, I would say. >> You haven't found anything. >> What do you mean? I offer them to you all the time and you cast them away cuz they're not 18 with fake. [laughter] >> All right. >> Fair enough. >> Fair enough. [laughter] >> All [sighs] right. So Matt starts the conversation. >> [clears throat] >> I'd root you. >> Oh, >> what? >> Unmatched. Yeah, that's >> Wow, dude. >> Yeah. >> Was she pretty? >> That m They're all beautiful. >> No, they're not. >> Yes, they are. >> I've seen some. >> Matt starts the conversation. My dots all stretched. Not enough fiber in my diet, and I had to pass a baseball bat-sized log. Extremely painful. How are you? [laughter] >> Unmatched. Oh god, you seem friendly. >> Um, all right. Let's start the conversation. [clears throat] So, she had in her description thing that she likes like shows. You like shows? Maybe I want to put on a show for you. >> I stand and pull my belt out in one motion. My pants fall immediately and I start thrusting my hips. Who let the dogs out? Starts playing. I hate this. I immediately stop and turn the music off and pull my pants up awkwardly. I'm completely red in the face from embarrassment and my inner voice is screaming at me for thinking this was a good idea. How are you? [laughter] >> No response. And then one more message a few days later. Please don't leave me. [laughter] Unmatched. >> Oh, damn. That was very good. >> She The second question was, "How are you again?" >> [laughter] >> How are you? >> All right. [clears throat] So, this chick starts combo and she's >> Whoa. Keen. She's keen. Matt. >> Hey, cut. >> How did you get married? [laughter] >> Matt. >> Hey, cutie. I'm very interested. Why is that? Because I want to seal you. Should I be scared? Fear is a common reaction to being fully sealed. Once sealed, nothing will escape you, and you'll slowly bloat and inflate. I have no idea what this means. I wish to inject my sealant into your cracks. Do you understand? You're a weirdo. Such a such a shame because you're very nice looking. Unmatched. >> OH, >> SHE liked brown. >> Yeah, she really liked you, man. >> She didn't want to be. [laughter] >> You got to be honest. >> She like, >> you got to be honest. Beautiful. What's up, baby? >> Flying. >> Not a whole lot. >> What's the closest you've been to lightning? >> I don't know. The standard distance. Like, I've never been next to a tree that's been hit, so I guess that's a good thing. I was 10 m away from a direct hit. Watched it hit two people. Guy in a wheelchair and the guy pushing him. Happened like a year ago, but I still think about it a lot. Oh, wow. That's crazy. Yeah. The guy in the wheelchair stiffened as his legs, as the electricity crashed through his system. He was fully paralyzed and shouldn't be able to move his legs. So surely there's something there. Pretty interesting. How's your weeks? [laughter] >> Yeah, probably. Yeah, probably. Maybe it reinvigorated his legs or something. My week is good so far. Yeah, the huge surge of power hijacked his nervous system and stiffened his whole body before his heart exploded in his chest. Talk about unlucky. First, he's born paralyzed, then he gets a direct hit from a huge thick bolt of lightning. He was fully lit up for about 3 seconds. Jesus Christ. Are you serious? Yeah. I heard his heart explode. Just heard like a pop sound and saw his chest expand. Then he was like clutching his chest and died like a minute later. The guy pushing him got dropped too, but he survived. Had extreme burns to his face and chest though. Oh my god. Yeah, it was on the news. The headline was unlucky disso gets by Thor. [laughter] [ __ ] I can't remember the exact headline, but it was on the news. I got interviewed. That's crazy. Don't you call me crazy. [laughter] You don't even know me, mate. Back off now. And then I unmatched with her. [laughter] >> Mate, you called her [laughter] mate. >> Yeah. Oh, man. [snorts] >> All right, she starts. [clears throat] [sighs] >> Hi. Squeeze my bag. Oh, no. >> What? Hey, how's your weekend? [laughter] >> Good. Rest my bag in the palm of your hands and slowly squeeze. Only if you want to. Do you have a busy week this week? [laughter] >> No. Do [snorts] you have any plans for this week? Slowly curl your fingertips around my warm bag. Feel the weight of my B and shift them around between your fingers. [laughter] Pretty normal week for me. Keen for a holiday. You got any kids? And [laughter] that is an ongoing >> conversation. >> Please keep that going. >> Yeah. Yeah, I will. >> You think you'd be like, "All right, that >> it's >> Yeah, this is not for me. >> Yeah, >> you [snorts] don't even entertain if you like, oh, >> she just was ignoring those bits and just like answering the normal question. >> Please, please be Please be okay. >> Yeah, >> please stop. It's sad. >> Makes you wonder what's what else they're getting. [laughter] Maybe there are people just like this. >> You are right. >> Yeah, man. >> All right. This is a weird one. I don't know. I call this one um Futurama. >> It's a good TV show. >> Matt Groing. >> I'd [ __ ] if if I had a chance. She's hot. She's a hot for oneeyed cartoon. >> She has one breast. Matt, >> does she? >> Three. >> She got two. She got one eye. >> One eye. >> Anyway, do you watch stuff? >> I do watch stuff. Do you? [cough] [clears throat] Yeah, I like to watch. What do you watch? Currently, I'm re-watching Scrubs, but I watch a bunch of different stuff. Do you remember the cartoon Futurama? You remember the robot called Bender? That's me. You're Bender? Yes, that's me in the cartoon. I'm Bender the Robot. [laughter] No reply for a few days. God, >> did you ever watch it? Then she unmatched. >> [laughter] >> She probably thinks you're insane. I bended the You think you're him? [laughter] >> Sounds like you've gone on an acid trip and never got out. [laughter] >> Me, >> man. I got to say sometimes you say things I'm like I don't match that straight away. But man, give give Bender a chance. >> Oh, that's so st she [ __ ] that chick. She's [clears throat] It does seem a little unhinged [laughter] to say that. To say you're a cartoon. >> That was one of the best ones I've heard, dude. [laughter] >> All right, Matt starts. [clears throat] Do you believe in magic? Yep. What magic have you seen? Not too much, actually. Oh, so you don't actually believe in it? I won't bother telling my story, then. You'll think I'm crazy. Oh, well, I want to hear it now. Oh, lol. I shouldn't have mentioned it. It's a bit weird, and I can't explain it, so don't judge. Okay, I stayed at mom's place and she lives in this super old Queenslander house. It's heritage listed and used to be owned by some rich settlers like a 100 years ago and apparently some crazy happened to them and they killed a bunch of people on the property. But anyway, I went to have a shower and opened the bathroom door and my mom was fully naked in the shower. [laughter] She had the shower head and was pressing it into her spag bowl. I hadn't seen mom naked for like 25 years and her tips were like fully stretched down and swaying from side to side. Her nipples were massive and cracked and they never used to be. And then Yeah. I just stood there staring at her in disbelief as water gushed down her legs and pubic hair hung straight down. >> Jesus. >> Wow. What a sight you've seen. >> Exactly. So, pretty hard to deny magic exists after that. [laughter] And then she didn't reply. And then a day later, I might go home. [laughter] >> And that is the end of that one. >> Oh man. >> You believe in magic and then [laughter] tell her that story. saw your mom naked when she's old. >> You think that's magic? [laughter] >> Big tail tag bowl >> tail about how the what the [ __ ] does the house have to do with it? >> Yeah. >> All right, that'll do. I got to save some for next week. >> All right, let's have a big bong break. We'll be right back with her prank [clears throat] kill. >> Yeah, baby. I I I [music] All right, everybody. We're back and we're going to prank call this lost property number at um and I'm going to try and get a wallet. >> This is how to get a wallet that's not yours. And after this there is a fight. Don't forget. >> Oh, >> a fight. >> I forgot about that. >> All right, here we go. >> My brown. Brown. Brown. [laughter] Is that same song? >> My brown. >> Oh [ __ ] Bring it back, Marty. I forget it. >> Hello. >> Can I help you? >> Yeah. How you going? Uh my name's Darren. I've um just come through um pointing that and I've uh left me a wallet um lying around. Um I think I might have dropped it like out the front or something that um and >> we haven't had one handed in, but I've got your number is 0405963. Sorry to be hasty. I've got another lady on hold at the moment, that's all. Um, so we haven't had anything handed at this stage. Can you give me a description of the wallet? >> Yeah, it's like um just like a basic um like wallet. Um it's Oh, like you know, just like a wallet. I don't know. Like >> men's wallet. Yeah. Black, brown. >> Uh it's it's it's got black on it and uh it's got >> usual contents inside. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it's got about probably 500 cash in that. That's why I'm kind of like freaking out. >> Yeah. No, no. Yeah. So, like that's why I'm like panicking a bit and that. So, like and it's only happened like a couple of hours ago and that. So, um yeah, I'm just Do you know if there's anyone else I can call on that cuz like like I kind of need that money back and since I lost it on yours establishment it's kind of like your responsibility and that too to reimburse me and that. >> No, it's certainly not certainly not our responsibility at all. But you got cameras you got cameras and that so like you can check but it's not our responsibility for it. What's your last name? >> Thompson. But like it is a like cuz I have lost that cash on your premises and that and you that's privately owned and that so you got to look after the people that come there and that. So I'm just saying like if no one hands it in >> where have you visited Darren? Whereabouts have you visited? >> What do you mean? Just >> like what shops did you go to? >> Bus stop. >> What shops did you go to in our center? >> Co had lunch. I had brekie at Guzman >> DY at breakfast. Okay. So that's that's more than a couple of hours ago. And where else have you been? >> That's pretty I just got there on the bus went went to Guzy with a couple of mates and that and then um just [snorts] walked around a bit but like yeah like it's got you know 500 bucks like I need that. That's me renting that and me child support. So >> absolutely. Yeah. >> Yeah. So you you've got to help me out here. >> So I've got another Well, we can't we can't help you out. >> Well I'm sorry but it's kind of you're kind of going to have to help me. I'm not just >> put you on hold because I said I appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just just get her off the phone. [laughter] >> Yeah. Mikey, >> you there? >> Yeah. Yeah, mate. >> All right. So, you went to GY. You've been on the bus also. Uh where else was your ventured? Oh, >> look, I I don't remember exactly, but I think I lost it. Um just out the front of everyone. Um and walking in to the shops and that. Um I cuz that's where I was I was giving me mate some cash and um we sat down on one of the benches there and she's gone and I realized when I got home and that so if you just could like check your CCTV and that and then just like let me know who's taking it and that >> we can't do that mate. I mean obviously customers come and go. We don't have an ID for everyone that comes into the shopping center. If it gets handed in, we'll absolutely give you a call. If by chance you do find it somewhere under the car seat in the bus, certainly give us been located. >> I didn't want to have to say this. I was there with like a VIP and that. Do you know like Daniel Ratcliffe? >> I was he I was actually there with he was one of my mates there this morning. I was with So like >> Fantastic. >> Yeah. So like there's there's definitely going to be like some footage and that of me walking around with D. He's like the Harry Potter follower. So there'd be some Yeah. So he was actually there more and he's my mate. So like you got you got to fix me up for this if you can't find it cuz that's on your estate or premises and that. So you got to help me out. I'm sorry to fix you up. >> I'm sorry but that's I don't make the rules darling. >> I don't make the [ __ ] rules and that. So you better help out as Daniels Raz put a story on his uh Instagram that saying Victoria Point's bit of a [ __ ] trouble spot. That would be good advertising for us, mate. But thank you very much. We will certainly um try and find it for you in regards to >> I appreciate that. Okay. Yeah. No, look, I apologize. Okay. I ap I shouldn't be like going off and the way you've just kind of like simmered down a bit like it's made me think like [ __ ] what am I doing? like I'm coming in too strong in that if if look I'm not saying use got to pay me back but if we can just work together and that like I really need that money and like I'm looking after Daniel Radcliffe while he's here and like I don't have any money right now so it's just a bit like bit embarrassing and that you know it's I don't [clears throat] goodness gracious we'll do our best if someone hands in we'll certainly give you a call >> I respect that and yeah thanks >> Sam have a good day you're >> I love Oh you're my Nice. Thanks, mate. Bye. [laughter] >> Wow, you're my brother. >> That's nice. >> You're my brother. [laughter] [cough] >> Such conviction. >> So, we should call back as Daniel Radcliffe. [laughter] >> Pretty dude. We should get a We should get Daniel. >> We should get a cameo from him and say Victoria Point is >> and then we play it for her on the phone. Oh, I wish we had direct line just to her. [laughter] >> Maybe if you called back and it just goes, >> dude, we got to do that for a prank or we got a preemptively get a cameo and say, "Look, I'm going to put him on." And then play some video message that we've pre-recorded. >> Yeah, Victoria Point is a [ __ ] show. [laughter] >> Look, we created something out of nothing there, Marty. That was incredible. Well done. >> I'll give her She's got some good like people. >> She can handle it. >> She's got backbone. She was a bit rush at the start, but >> Well, she had someone else on the phone. >> Yeah, >> she got big coonas. She's got backbone. >> Cool. >> All right, let's um let's watch Matt and Michael fight. >> Let us know in the comments right now who you think is going to win. >> Do we have to? >> Yes. >> Don't don't don't. All right. Actually, back up. Back up. All right. So, the rules, we've changed it. The rules is going to be a classic Greco Wrestling Roman match. I don't know if that's the order of the words. We don't really know the rules that way though. >> You can you can get each each other. You can grab head, arms, or torso. Right. You cannot grow grab behind the legs. All right. Let go of me. That's gay. [laughter] >> All right. >> You can't grab legs. >> IT'S F U L ACTUAL EFFORT. >> That's right. And the the goal is to either get their shoulders to the ground, so pin them to the ground, or get their back. If you can get their back on the ground and they can't move, they can't get out, then the other person wins. [ __ ] >> Time limit is 45 minutes. [laughter] >> I'm not I'm I'll refs. [laughter] >> Get set. Wrestle. >> Come on, Matt. Come on. >> This is so exciting, boys. >> Get him, Matt. Come on, boys. OH DEAR. YES. >> OH MY GOD. BROWN HAS THE EAR. COME ON. Come on. >> Come on. >> Oh my god. He nearly got Matt's back. Matt's reset. Matt's reset. >> Matt's reset. His wrist. Always. He's hurt his wrist. >> Come on, Matt. >> Just gassing him out. >> Don't think about the wrist. >> Gassing him out. >> Don't think about him. >> Matt's just going to throw a hook in a minute. [laughter] >> Just grab his wrist. Matt, >> grab his wrist. >> Legs up. I can't >> wrists. >> Break his arm. Break his arm. [laughter] >> All right, time. We're going to add another rule. >> If you push them, >> scratch like a girl. [laughter] >> If you push them off the mat, it's one point for the person who pushed them off the mat. But remember, if they push you close to the mat, then you can wrestle them out like that. That's a point for you. >> Throw him off balance, Mickey. >> Come on, DUFFY. GET YOUR game face on. Ready, set, wrestle. >> Come on, DUFFY. OH MY GOD, THIS IS SO GOOD. COME ON, BROWNIE. [laughter] Take him down. >> Still on. Still on. >> FIGHT HIM. [screaming] >> ONE POINT TO BROWN. If they get to three points, it's win. >> Gas. [laughter] >> Like face touching. Try and kiss him or bite him or some [ __ ] >> All right, half time. Kev, go get the oranges. Just kidding. >> All right, you ready? Ready, set, wrestle. >> Can't d this, man. >> Michael's touching his shoulder. >> Michael's longer. [laughter] >> You've got control. Come on, MAN. [screaming] [cheering] >> Crown wins. That was good. >> Crown wins [applause] wrestling. >> That was wild. >> [laughter] >> I can't move you. >> Too hard to move. I really want to hurt [laughter] you. That >> was spectacular. >> [ __ ] too old. >> Yeah, look. He's too good. >> He's too good at that. >> Michael gets to choose the next event, I guess. [laughter] >> My stuff. >> All right, let's go back. >> That was Power Rangers. >> Well, there you have it, everybody. It is now tied two two a piece. Holy [ __ ] Brown has come back. >> He blooded me up. >> Yes, >> Michael used his claws and everything. So, there you have it. Now, next episode, we're going to do a partner challenge. I know we keep saying that we're we I think we forgot to do one, but we're doing an easier one. We're going to wear their clothes >> and we're going to see their reaction. >> Well, look, my partner wears my clothes, so maybe I'll just wear my own clothes. [laughter] >> Mic drop. >> We have another event between Matt and Michael. It will be javelin. Oh, and >> and Kevin's going to sit on the field. >> Kevin's going to sit on the field as the target. >> Oh, do you remember in the Olympics where that judge didn't get out of the way in time and he got speared? >> Yeah, that was so funny. >> Pinned him to the bloody turf, brother. [laughter] Did he die? >> No, I think he survived. >> And we're bringing back the what would you do for a hundred bucks segment thing where the team does crazy for money >> and we have some ideas. So, please drop a subscribe, a fivestar review if you had a chuckle. It really helps us grow and make the podcast bigger and we really appreciate it. >> If you want to send any PO box, um, you can send it to this address. Josh will put it up now. >> Anyway, we'll see. >> We forgot Matt's shoes and everyone's written in the comments given us all this effort and we haven't talked about it. >> Matt, you've got to find the 10 best that you do and we'll decide next week. >> Okay. over there. That's a good idea. >> Give us more ideas. So, what should Matt get tattooed on his feet? And we will discuss and decide next week. >> Someone say a be two weeks. >> Yeah. Well, we'll decide next episode. >> Wow, that was cool. >> But, um, yeah, I'll get the 10 best. >> All right, let's get the [ __ ] out of here before Michael starts. >> We're the best. We're the best. WE'RE THE BEST. >> PHOTO TIME. DON'T anyone >> with a B S. With a B S. With a B E S. Man, it's no fun if no one does. It's just me. Whistle.