Marty Attacks Matt And Michael While They’re Duct Taped Together (Season 08 Episode 16)

James read it. So James, go get it. Get it. Read it. 30 bucks on Amazon. I'm getting a refund. >> Man, the goldfish that I had two big goldfish and they were like besties and when one died the other Sorry. >> This is a sexy room. [laughter] >> N that's hectic [ __ ] [laughter] >> Working 9 to5. Look at that. What a way to make a living. >> Michael [laughter] hates it. >> The best part about it is >> Get him. Tickle him. Tickle his face. He's going to spit. Watch your face. Watch your eyes. [laughter] >> Don't. He spits on me. >> Dude, he spits on me. >> Dude, they look honestly like a pair of um brothers who are Siamese twins, [laughter] but they hate each other. >> Just really bad fashion sense. Look at Michael trying to adjust his mic. [clears throat] >> Michael, fix your hat, please. It's messy and and disheveled. [laughter] >> Go under my under it. >> That was very good. >> Go under it. I fixed it. >> Is good. [laughter] >> Stop peeing on me. >> Michael's getting angry. >> I got to Matt's chill. I got to spit my chewy out on top. >> I've made a mistake of having Matt on, [laughter] >> dude. Oh, 106 kilos. >> All right, look guys, we got a pretty jam-packed episode as >> Hang on. I need to spit my chewy out before we can >> Wait, >> how are we going to get it over there? >> Just spit it into Michael's head. I might need to help. >> Get it in the cup. Go in the cup. You can do it. >> No, I'm scared Frankie is going to go for it. >> [ __ ] [ __ ] >> Working. >> Thank you, James. >> Opportunity. >> All right, look. We got a [ __ ] cracker of an episode for you guys. So, obviously they're duct taped together, right? We've also got uh Tinders, obviously. Um, and there's a very special segment um, today that I'm not going to go too much more in [snorts] to detail. Um, but yeah, it's it's a great it's a great banging episode. So stay tuned. Look at this. >> Oh, they're Michael, I just realized they're fully >> they're going to prank. >> They're going to do something to us. >> We allowed Look, we're just We'll We'll just let that play out as it may. I saw the comedy and being attached to each other, but not the >> I've got to say, boys, that was very shortsighted to just let us tape you up. >> You guys like, "Come on, just tape yourselves on." >> No, [laughter] but you sort of how funny it would be. And now >> it is funny. >> But no, now I realize like how much trouble we're in. [laughter] >> Did it like Siamese twins? They're like used to it already. >> It's like Matt did that. It's like put folded both legs over even though one of [laughter] them is Michael's. >> Look at Michael's shake [laughter] when Matt laughs. >> Michael looks ridiculous from this angle. It's like [laughter] It looks like Matt's body and Michael's head is just on the back shoulder of Matt. Michael has very little contribution to their entity. >> My genitals are squished in his bum [laughter] cheek. If this was you, Siamese, you wouldn't be able to [ __ ] Only Matt would be able to you'd have to watch it on his cheek like this. >> Unless you were gay, in which case Michael would be in luck. >> Well, I'll I'll be the straight I'll be the straight one and Michael can be. >> If Matt was gay, Michael would have to get [ __ ] in the ass. >> There is a Siamese twins where one of the brothers, only one of the brothers is gay, so the other one's got to be there or he's just thumpowered from behind, bro. >> Wow. >> So, it could always be worse. Hey, we've just got to be together for a bit. >> I just hit you in the head. Are you pissing? >> Oh, he's pissing. >> No, he's not. >> He's pissing. >> You're lying. >> I can feel it pissing on me. He's >> pissing me. >> He has pissed on me. >> Are you kidding? [ __ ] dog. >> Are you serious? >> I feel it on my leg. >> Confirm this. >> I feel it in my like lying. >> I feel it in my plums. IT'S AH, he has. I can feel You did, didn't you? >> I might have. >> I felt I felt the I felt the stream. You know when you piss in your pants? >> I didn't want to look. >> That's what the feeling. >> I didn't want to look too carefully cuz it'll just be moist down there. >> It's a phantomly. >> Oh, okay. So, it's not real. Anyway, look, we're going to get into the top comments. We're going to talk about our fly video because >> that came out and um we've been talking about it for a long time. That took a couple of months to make that and thank god it did really well and thank you everyone for the support. So the who can last longest in a room with a million flies is out now on YouTube and the website and it's [ __ ] it's going really well. >> The only thing Marty said there that wasn't true was a couple of months. It was a many I think that was me. I touched this. It made noises at me. It was way more than two months. >> Was it? >> Yeah. Think about how much how much time we spent just setting up that room, buying like thousands of dollars worth of sound panels, putting them all up, like putting all of the electrics in place, the TV in place. Josh sent up this like Hollywood level like switching system so we could change from our security cameras to our main cameras. Like it was by far the biggest project we've ever done and we are proud of that. >> Yeah. And look, it's inspired us to make more videos like that now because we know they go well, so it's worth it. So, >> and stay tuned. >> Cooper, like I put it on my Instagram story. I don't know if you saw it, but his editing his editing uh timeline was one of the most hectic things I've ever seen. Like it was like I swear it was like 40 lines in it and just like a thousand cuts in each. >> Yeah, it's so many angles. Like what, 40 hours of filming or some [ __ ] It was crazy. [laughter] >> It looks like a big gobstopper. When Matt laughs, it's so nice [laughter] seeing Michael's head just slowly. >> It looks like Matt's hand is Michael's hand. Move your hand away, Mark. From my angle anyway. It looks like Anyway, >> Matt put Matt taped his hand there on purpose because Marty was during my finger to grab my Now I got it. [laughter] >> All right, let's get into uh Yeah. So, fly video hectic. Glad it's going well. Uh if you haven't seen it, head over to our Marty Michael YouTube channel. And [clears throat] and well done to everyone involved in that. >> Absolutely. Team effort. >> Yeah. >> All right. Top comments. Eh, uh, last podcast is actually we had a breakout performance. It's on like it's on a it's really >> like double the views of of the regular um, potties. So you guys really liked it, which is great news. But anyway, so top comment on the YouTube is >> Oh, I got a fart I think. >> Oh no. Uh, it's gone. I laughed it away. >> Dave 1888 has said if if this gets 50 likes, Michael has to get a buzz cut. >> 292 likes. >> Whoa. >> I'll do it. >> Bring up the razor. >> All right, bring up the razor. Here we go. Quickly. >> He's going to stop moving. I'll hold him. >> Oh, dude. He's going to freak. And I'm stuck to him. You guys are lying. [laughter] We asked Amber and she's okay with it, so we're doing it. >> Oh [ __ ] >> OH MY GOD. ARE you serious? >> Bring it up. >> They're lying. >> Stop. >> Surely they're lying. [laughter] [crying] >> Nobody's bringing it in. You're okay. Nobody's bringing it. >> That is worthy of a of a round of applause, though. >> It's a great [ __ ] wonderful [applause] idea. >> Honestly, it is the perfect opportunity right now. >> Sorry. Yeah, I had to wipe my nose. >> Yeah. So, [ __ ] that. Would be cool. Imagine Michael with a buzz cut. >> Michael doesn't get angry though so much. He more gets like just really like disappointed and sad and it's it really hurts. >> Dude, you'd be pissed right now if you shaved his head. >> Yeah, he would. >> I've done it once and never again. I [snorts] did it for the army. It's my country. It's my patriotism. [laughter] I wouldn't do it for no one. >> Can you speak into your microphone, please? [laughter] >> That's fine. That's fine. I'll get it. >> All right. Top comment from Spotify is from PDWGz >> and it says, "If this gets top comment, Marty has to make a Grinder account for Matthew Gregory Brown and chat up some BS. 110 likes." >> Did we have we tried that? >> No. >> No. We've done We've done um >> What did we do? >> We did We did Tinder as a >> Tinder as a as a dude. The only downside with guys that will be weird and guys like all right >> it could be an interesting >> look side experiment. >> Let's Yeah, let's [ __ ] do it. >> Yes. >> Yeah. The only thing is I I have seen some conversations on Grinder on Bartzes and it's like it's comical. It's literally like >> free. >> Can you host? >> That's it. It's like one simple sentences organized done off. Dude, I'm going to let me I'll set I'll set it up on the on my other phone, a Grinder account. I'll use your photos. We'll verify it as you. You let me pick whichever photos I want, make the description, and off we go. We'll do it and just see what happens. >> Okay. [laughter] >> Wow. >> Tinder/G Grinder Adventures. >> Grinder Adventures. Yeah. I feel like it's going to be like so hard to get reactions. Everyone will just be like, >> "I'm down." >> Yeah. I'll be there. I've been there before. >> Yeah. I wonder if any of them like talk just to get to know each other >> cuz that's what Matt will want to know. >> Maybe. >> Look at Michael's hair. [laughter] >> It's like hard to breathe. >> You're only there maximum like one to two more hours. >> What [laughter] are they going to do to us? >> Oh, I'm worried. But you are very you d your bum cheek >> now. You're out of the crack and now you're in the bone. >> Is that better? >> Oh, that's relief. That's relief. >> That'll be relief for him, but it's painful on the arms. >> Oh, yeah. stripping stripping the the hairs >> a little bit. >> All right. Now, on to some very big news. >> Now, as you know, we've changed from live show to live screening of our podcast finale this year on November the 7th. All right, that's a Saturday here in Brizzy. Tickets are available now and it's only one Cinema Fall. Please, to avoid disappointment, get your tickets. Link is in the description. >> Especially if you want a VIP ticket, which means you get to come meet us all before the show, get photos, you get free merch, you get a bunch of piss, we're going to give you alcohol, >> you get to touch us up a bit >> if you want. Yep. That there's only 18 of those tickets. So, if you if that was interesting to you, you got to get on right now. Right now. Faster than the other guys watching me say the same. >> Yeah. So, maybe pause this right now. Get a ticket if you need to. And then >> what do the VIPs get this year? >> So they get a six-ack of Logan Laga courtesy of our good mate Happy Allen. [laughter] >> They get a VIP t-shirt that is not available anywhere else and will never be available again. They get a >> shadow >> 10-minute uh a 10-minute catch up with us and they also get to have the best seats in the cinemas and they also get five things. >> They also get to go into the Logan lounge at the afterparty. >> Yeah. So look, it's the it's the private screening of the finale, which will be a little bit interactive. So we'll be talking to the crowd throughout and then the afterparty as per usual. So um it's going to be a hectic night. It's always very fun. It's celebration of our podcast and website uh viewers and listeners. We just all get together cuz we all have this really warped sense of humor and it's just a [ __ ] good time. Hey Frankie, >> is that right Frank? [laughter] >> We're going to storm the capital. >> Such a [ __ ] heading to Canra. >> So, we're going to rip into a big bong break and then we'll be right back. >> Oh, what are we going to do >> with James? We'll bring you a cup of car and slop it into your chops. >> Dude, I'm comfy, eh? >> Are you struggling? [laughter] >> Oh, it's in my eyes. Whatever that is. >> What is Oh, no. >> Pour it on Michael. >> No. [laughter] Oh no, this whole place is going to smell different now. >> Marty has just covered Matt and Michael in fart spray. And this is lethal. Do you get that on your faces? [laughter] >> I had no idea that was happening. [laughter] >> Dude, they're going to panic. They're going to have to rip out of their tape. All right. Well, that guys, the boys have fart spray on them. Um, and they don't wish to continue. So, we're going to let them get out of this if they can, but that we cannot help them. So, you guys have to work out how to get out of this. >> What if we just give them a pair of scissors? >> Do you reckon that would help? You're ripping my Oh, keep doing that. I'm breaking out. I'm breaking out. >> Wow. Matt's doing it. >> Come on, Brown. OH, >> WOW. OH. >> OH, MAN. We can get up now. We can stand up and we can >> just slowly. >> Wait. Wait. Let's continue that push. PUSH AND STRETCH. >> OKAY. Hang on. My arm's free. I need to get I need to rip it. Oh, >> if we can get If I can Yeah, I GOT AN IDEA. >> [laughter] >> I CAN do this. >> Okay, hang on. I'm free. I'm free. Okay, I'm free. >> You're free. Get your hand. Stop ripping your dick. >> You're [ __ ] >> I'm free. >> Stop touching me or I'll spit. I will piss. >> I'm free. >> I'm going to escalation in [laughter] spit. Oh, he spit on me. >> Stop it. Stop it. Calm down. [laughter] >> We We have progress here AND YOU'RE RUINING IT. MATT'S JOINING ON WITH THE BULLYING. [laughter] >> OKAY. What are you doing? >> I don't know. I'm getting rip handsy. >> Okay. All right. >> I'm actually You're carrying meward, >> Matthew. YOU'RE CARRYING ME, >> DUDE. That [screaming] freaks. >> Come on, Brown. [laughter] Dude, duct tape is so strong. Hey, [laughter] >> WAIT. YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY. THAT'S THE WRONG WAY. >> IT'S ON MY STOMACH. IT'S [laughter] on my stomach. >> So entertaining. >> It's like problem solving. >> Frankie is going to go help. That's [cough and laughter] >> That's good. That's good. My freak's free. >> [ __ ] No. Frankie, please stay away from them. I don't want to have to bath you again. Oh, Frankie, come here. >> Come on. Good girl. Stay here, please. [snorts] >> Good girl. [laughter] >> Bloody [ __ ] >> Work with me. >> Get up and go for a sprint. Brown. >> Work with me. [laughter] [snorts] >> You're out. You're out. >> I'm not out. Oh. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Man, nearly landed that perfect right hook, Ben. [laughter] >> Oh, man. You two absolutely [laughter] wreak. >> Whoa. Can you smell that, Luke? >> He can. Luke can smell it. He's like 15 meters away. >> Um, did you guys want to get changed? Oh, look at Brown's shoulder soaked in fat mong. [laughter] >> Rip it, Brown. Give it everything. [laughter] >> Did that hurt, Michael? your eyes. >> Um, I would I would really really love it if you guys changed your shirt. >> Well, look, >> now I'm I'm be I've become used to it and now everyone must be a misery. >> It's fair. Wasn't anything to do with me, but I get it. It's >> [ __ ] drama trivia time. This mana trivia odd dumb segment. >> Yeah, >> you could have got out of it this week. >> Why? So, >> well, it was all very last minute. >> No, it was on. I forgot to tell you >> the tool for today's punishment. We haven't used this >> uh but we kind of lightly have tested it and it hurts. It's kind of like seat belt material. harder. >> Uh anyway, it's not going to be nice. >> Yeah. Look, it's where the end speeds up. That's where it will >> Hey, if I face your way, I get that. >> I'm I'm estimating a week a week of recovery from this. [snorts] >> Really? >> Yeah. It wraps around the speed gets to sonic levels and splits the skin open. Not splits the skin, but it will leave severe bruising. >> Hey, we don't know. We haven't gone 100% yet. >> Plastic. Oh, this could this change you. >> Don't. >> All right, Brownie. What's the [ __ ] subject? >> Pets. >> Okay. >> Hello, Franklin. >> That's about you. >> Damn, >> Michael hates animals. >> I've lost Oh, I've got a cat. >> No, there's always >> No, it's it's always so such random knowledge. >> That's right. That's right. >> Um, so question number one. >> Go on. >> Sorry, it's all different over this side. You have a pink tinge on your face. [laughter] >> Where? >> Oh, from >> the light. >> Really? >> Yeah. It's beautiful. >> All right. Question number one. >> Go on. >> How many homeless dogs are there in the world? >> [ __ ] Like, how could you possibly know that? >> It's an estimated number. >> Man, there's just one [ __ ] that goes to every bloody country in the world and counts them. Two. Four. >> That again. How many homeless dogs are there in the world? >> Are they count? Are you talking about wolves? >> Uh, it's a so be like dogs. >> Michael >> got it. >> Three, two, one. >> 400 million. >> Whoa. >> 400 million. I've gone 5.5 million. So, I'm in the middle. Yes. >> 1.1 mil. >> Please. >> I've lost, haven't I? I've definitely crazy >> 400 [laughter] mil >> surely. >> Someone will have to do the mathematics from me to James, but um >> the answer is at an estimated 200 million. >> Yes. >> No. So James is closer. >> 1.1 million closer. >> It has to be over two. It has to be under 200. I can't believe [laughter] that. >> Marty gets to strike Michael. >> No, cuz I >> Oh yeah, I do, don't I? Oh, my Mickey. >> I can't believe that. >> Oh no, my Mickey. >> Oh my. >> 200 million. Oh no. I don't know how to have it. >> No, Michael. >> Oh my. >> Anything could happen. [laughter] >> Anything could happen. Michael, >> this could split skin. >> Split skin. >> [laughter] >> Look at his legs. He's got the anxious legs. [laughter] >> Me, man. I need time now. Prepping for so long. [laughter] >> Oh my god. Anything could happen here. >> One. >> Yes. Just hit the tip. >> Oh >> man. All that build up. >> You fluffed it. You fluffed it, Mart. >> It hurts, but hey, look, that's nothing compared to what it could be. >> That was going to be a beautiful reel. >> Oh, I >> Oh, man. I'm anxious. I was anxious watching that. >> I still don't know how bad it is cuz I miss. >> How many questions is there? Two. >> Five. >> Two. Too many. I say, [laughter] [laughter] >> NEXT QUESTION. >> QUESTION NUMBER TWO. HOW many >> dogs? >> Tigers I see are kept as pets in the US. >> Oh, dude. >> I watched this doco and it said the number. >> How many tigers >> are kept as pets in the US? >> I don't even have a a close recommend a close idea. >> This is also estimated because I don't have an exact number, but it is pretty close. >> Ready? >> Yeah. Three, >> two, >> one. >> 2, >> 4,999. >> 900. >> I'm in the middle. >> 900. >> I'm in the middle. >> 4,000. >> That's me, isn't it? He's looking at me. >> The answer is 7,000. Yeah, boy. [laughter] >> [ __ ] >> YOU GET TO STRIKE, MICHAEL. OH, I'M NOT GOING TO MISS. >> Such a long bloody tigers. I'm not going to hit you with the tip. >> Michael doesn't know tigers. >> I think I think it was relief because it broke. >> Yeah, >> two failed ones. >> You're right about it can break skin. >> Weapon, >> man. 7,000 tigers in captivity in America. There could be more, but it's estimated. >> And one guy owns 5,000 of them. >> I actually don't have my pen anymore. No. >> Why? What'd you do with it? >> Oh, I I bloody gone kick it along the floor, you bastard. >> Wow, Michael. [laughter] >> So now the punishment technically may have gotten worse because look, extension means more velocity, which means more power, more speed, sound break. [snorts] >> Yeah, it's still going to hurt. Damn, two fails so far. But anyway, >> yeah, what a shame. is >> you got I must commend you both. Beautiful buildups. >> Thank you. >> Keep keep that energy. >> Keep that energy. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> Question number three. Final question. Midway. Pet Cemetery. >> No. >> Movie is a movie. >> I love this film. >> Have you seen it? >> Seen both. >> I haven't. Have you? >> I don't even know. No, I didn't know it was a movie. Thought it was talking about a cemetery. >> It's a movie based off a Stephen King novel. >> How many pets did it use? >> Oh, that was actually would be a good question. >> Uh, it's very popular. What year was it released? >> [ __ ] >> What year was Pet Cemetery released? The original. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Not the remake. If there's a remake, I think there's a remake. >> Fully guess. I've I don't know. >> Boy, Bosley. >> Never heard of it in my life. First time hearing it. [ __ ] you and your [ __ ] movies, man. >> Hey, just >> I've got it. >> We don't need that. >> Michael's very confident here. >> Yeah. >> Three, >> two, one. >> I see. >> 1990. >> 1989. >> 1991. >> Oh. Oh. Oh, dude. This is This could go anyway. >> The answer is >> I don't think >> Please be before 89. >> 19 80. [snorts] Oh >> yes. >> Nine. You [ __ ] got it right. [laughter] >> And what did you say? >> 1990. >> Hey, [ __ ] you. >> I was [laughter] 1988. Very good. >> James Strike Marty. >> Dude, that close was my guess. >> Yeah, >> I had no idea about bastard. [laughter] >> Now it's probably going to [ __ ] like crazy. >> You better believe it, mate. >> I'm going to get the film on this one. >> Frankie, I'm going to go. I don't want to watch, >> but I'm going to swing with everything I have. >> This is for Steve Irwin. Three, two, one. >> It ripped it in the eye. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah, I'm okay. >> OH MY GOD. >> HIT ME IN THE EYE. >> OH MY GOD. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, JAMES? >> YEAH. Blit flew off. This flew off and hit me right in the eye. >> Dude, this [ __ ] weapon is ruining our lives, >> dude. It's very It's >> Was it open? >> Oh my god. think I shot it, but man, that hurt. It sore. [laughter] >> What if we saw that? >> I filmed it. >> How was it, Marty? >> Uh, it's like a five. >> Same. Wow. [laughter] >> What's all the fuss about? >> Bloody fussing over nothing. >> I don't know. You look like it hurt. >> Look. And guys, we we when we tested this, it really did hurt. So, we were expecting this to be bad. So, please excuse the pussiness of this uh punishment this week. >> I think it's all about the distance and the the spot it hits. And also, >> I reckon I can make it hurt. >> I reckon if we I reckon I can swing to the point of it will break in my arm. How about this? >> Look at the market left. Like, it's not bad. >> Oh, yeah. You got a little present. If the next one doesn't hurt with full swing, I reckon we get that massive [laughter] strap of tape and wrap it around someone. [sighs] >> Is everyone having a good time? >> Yeah. Look. >> Yeah, I don't mind winning. >> Question number four. Matt Brown's first pet >> Oh. >> was a blue healer dog. Just like blue healer. >> What age was I when I received him as a pet for the first time? Oh, I remember you told me this. >> Oh, no. >> What? >> Michael knows. >> How was I? >> You never even told me you had a [ __ ] dog. >> Yeah, I had a blue healer. >> I thought you were talking about one of your exes. >> Wait, >> I've actually written my hands up. >> How old were you when it died? You can't tell me that. >> Three, two, one, reveal. >> Six years old. >> I got six as well. >> His favorite number. Three. [sighs] >> I'm in trouble, aren't I? Do you know if you said six, I would have got hit? >> Oh, >> it is six. >> Six years old. >> I had 10 and then I put six. >> Time to hit me, boys. >> That is crazy. >> You want to have a >> I saw I saw him go six and then you and I was like, "Oh, what's James going to reveal?" >> Oh, >> good boy, Bosley. >> Oh, watch your eyes. Bits of leather fly off and hit you right in the cornnea blind for three years. >> It's going to hit me. Oh, this is going to suck. This is going to hurt. I've just worked it out. Three, two, one. >> Ow. >> Oh, tip. Tip. But sting. Sting. Tip. Oh, it didn't wrap. But man, that definitely stings. >> Frankie's upset. She's worried. >> I've worked out my pain threshold so much lower than you boys. [laughter] >> Going to get hit a bit more. >> No, >> I'm behind too from them. >> Bloody 30 bucks on Amazon. I'm getting a refund. [laughter] >> Ow, dude. I don't have a mark, but that really >> It will come. The mark will come. Look, >> it's like a smiley or something. >> Oh, yeah. Scar. >> All right, we got one more question. >> One more question to go. Number five. All right. Matt Brown >> also had fish >> as a pet. [laughter] >> Now, this is um very >> brown trout. >> Sorry. Yeah, this was very traumatic for me because when I got fish, they they lasted ages and then just suddenly they all just started dying and it was it was really hard as a young kid to just see the death constantly daily. And which one's next? >> Yeah, it was it was traumatic. Anyway, >> thank you for sharing, man. >> Uh how many fish did I have in total as a kid? >> You mean fishes? >> Fishes. [laughter] Now, keep in mind like when the first one died, I was like, and dad was like, "Fuck, replace it." And yeah, so yeah, but he didn't replace all. >> So, how many fish did I have in total as a kid growing up? That's so That's a [ __ ] [laughter] >> I did. I thought he'd get angry. OH, MIGHTY. I DON'T KNOW. [laughter] I don't know what to say, [snorts] man. the goldfish that I had two big goldfish and they were like besties and when one died >> sorry you know when you write an answer and then you go nah and you change it and you're scared that the first answer was right that's what I've just done >> look at Michael you've made him do it [laughter] >> I'm just getting all my bloody pass >> I'm ready >> three one reveal >> hey Revan nine >> four fishes [laughter] >> oh man I'm in the middle I'm safe >> yes [snorts] >> oh my How >> you were correct? >> Nine fish. >> I think [snorts] I just beat you, brother. >> Dude, the guessing today is unbelievable. >> On point, bro. >> 14 [laughter] fishes, dude. It's not a bad guess. I had nine originally. >> Oh, nearly bloody today >> twice, man. >> This definitely stung. >> Oh, you're going to double it. That's smart business. Double the weight means double the damage. >> I purposely >> tipped it. [laughter] >> He tipped me too, but I reacted. >> How do you How does that not hurt? >> Sometimes you get off scot free with >> I think it was cuz this it got the inside of my elbow a bit. >> Yeah, sensitive here. >> Sorry about those hits, guys. We will make sure next drama trivia. It is a a weapon of mass destruction. >> We'll get hit by a car. Yeah, we'll bring out the newspaper. Remember that. >> Bonus question. I know. [laughter] >> I stink. >> All right, look. Let's We're going to have a [ __ ] big old bong break and we're going to come back with a really interesting >> Wait, before we do, can we do one re It'll literally take like 2 minutes. We got a um just under there, Mart. Maybe give it to Brown cuz he likes to do the um the reading. Can you um It's a PO box, but it's like urgent. >> Oh. >> So, we'll just open it now. only take two seconds. >> This is >> why >> Well, you don't put urgent PO box on it. >> No, I did. So, I didn't forget that we had to open that this podcast in it. >> It's about the live show, so it's time. It's time urgent. Shake it. >> Do you want me to open here? >> A little bit. >> Yeah, it says liquid on it or Marty, whatever. I don't care. I just thought you like to open things. >> I do like to open things. I got nothing to open it with. >> Look, use your fingers. >> No, don't open it. Come here. Open the box. >> Yeah. Keep doing that. Keep doing that. Go that way. >> Imagine him at Christmas [laughter] time. >> What is it? >> Letter to Marty, Michael, and Brown. Where did this come from? Where did this come from? >> Just read it, Matt. >> You all have a very important job to do. >> Be like um you should do what? Like love. Actually, here. I'll do it and you read it. >> Show it to the audience. Yeah. Good idea. >> To Marty, Michael, and Brown. >> You You read it. >> Oh, it's cute. >> You read it, Matt. >> You all have a very important job to do. >> You are all James's groom. >> Oh, really? [laughter] >> Holy beautiful. >> We're all going to be grooms for the wedding. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Welcome aboard, boys. >> I've already got the Bucks planned. Hey, >> that's hectic. >> Yeah, boys. >> So, who is uh the the team? >> So, I'm I'm un I'm undecided the full amount, but I definitely know it's you, boys. And Master Luke Allen over there is my best man as my longest serving friend. And then Marty, we have another thing to ask you. Would you would you please be MC of the evening? >> Of course. >> Smart choice. >> Marty do a banging job. >> Smart choice. [laughter] >> Yeah. Hey, don't just do two jobs. >> Don't get me doing no speeches, mate. >> You're probably going to have to. [laughter] >> Oh, that's >> You probably should. >> I'll [ __ ] up, [laughter] >> dude. That's so good. >> Yeah. Very exciting. >> How exciting. The last one of the boys getting married. Oh. Yeah, probably. >> Well, [laughter] yeah. >> No, we've spaced it out so well. >> No, we still got Luke's wedding to look forward to. And, you know, in 20 years time, >> maybe Matt Robots will be a 10year-old. >> Kev will be married before me. >> You get married to Kev. >> Oh, man. If you and Kev [laughter] married, I would be so I'd love to be a fly on the wall. >> If Kev got fake tits, Matt might probably consider it. Kev will have nine kids, I reckon. Oh, >> and he'll birth them. >> He'll just keep making mistakes, you know. >> You were a mistake. You were a mistake. You were a mistake. [laughter] It was just army of children. >> Now, I know that we're not doing James Reed's Reddit. Thank you, James. But I think to celebrate, since we're not doing James, [laughter] we should just listen to the song to celebrate how we are now the groomsman of James' wedding. [laughter] >> Oh. This is James Reed's Reddit. He said it. You bet it. He read it. Only James can read it. So you better not regret it. Only James. >> This is his walkin song for the wedding. >> So James, go get it. This is James Reed's Reddit. We should play this on the night to walk down the aisle. >> This is James Reddit. Reddit. Reddit. Reddit. Reddit. Reddit. [snorts] James Reddit. So you don't regret it. James Reit. So, James, go get it. Get it. Read Reddit. >> Oh, that's beautiful. E. >> Oh my god. That's great news. All right, we're going to have a quick bong break and we're coming back with a um something special for you guys. So special, bro. >> This is the prank. I think the prank is what we're taped up. >> At least you're out of the pr out of the tape. >> What are we going to do? >> Must be Must be me. >> So exciting. Yeah. [bell] And we're [sighs] back. All right. Now, guys, >> is there a time thing? Is there? >> There is. >> And we're bloody. We're defenseless. We're taped up. It's clearly this is going to be me cuz the way you're acting, you know about it. >> What? What? What's going on? >> I don't know. I'm just I just I'm so used to this. >> So easy to get. >> Isn't it fussy boys? >> Oh yeah, probably. But whatever whatever Fussy Boys is coming. It's But we're just waiting on >> a They've got some food that's ordered from Japan. [laughter] >> Yeah. Look >> that Yeah. >> So if it's a time frame, it not come. >> Is Luke sorting it out? No. >> Oh, >> it's just been a very difficult one. >> It's hard to prepare. >> Oh, that means danger. >> That means death. >> You know those poisonous fish and if you don't like cut all the poisonous bits off, you can die. >> Yeah. They're called >> Yeah. So, we're just we're just making sure of it cuz we tested it first and it still had poison. So, we had to take it back. >> Yeah. Coup's downstairs and he's just hacking away at it. Hope he gets >> he's got he's he's using like the advanced version of Chat GBT. So, it should be all good. >> [laughter] >> GBT plus >> I just had an imaginary thought. >> Imagine walking into this room and then just going this is a sexy room. [laughter] >> I love looking at Luke when Michael >> just standing on his phone just shaking [laughter] his head. >> Just try it. >> No, just try it for me. >> This is a sexy [laughter] room. >> That was good. Holy, that was good. I liked that. >> I don't get why you found that one funny. >> It's just a funny thing to imagine. >> Oh [ __ ] Saw movement down there. Something's coming. >> Really? >> Something's coming. I saw movement. >> This is James Reddit. >> All right. Look, while we wait for the fussy boys to be finished preparing, >> why don't we read out some of Matt's Tinder adventures? Because you did some talking to some girls on the weekend, brownie. Hey, >> I didn't do any talking. Yeah. Well, I've got some screenshots from your Tinder account, so I beg to differ. >> I like being close to you, >> Do we have a jingle for the Tinders or some [ __ ] I'll just press this one and see what happens. >> James Re, [laughter] >> dude, I wish you'll see. [laughter] >> Push that and look for Tinder. >> Where's Franklin? >> Look for Tinder. Is this written Tinder there? >> Yeah. some kind. There's no glitch. Let it go. Fixed it. >> Tinder's there for our lives. Maybe [cheering] only [screaming] [laughter] she was dead asleep and she was like, "What the is going on? There's a wolf in here." [laughter] >> All right. So, these are the tinned adventures of Mr. Matthew Brown, the most single 40-year-old in all of the land. And we're trying to change it. We're trying to change his ways, his tastes, but he can't stop focusing on fake breasts and swollen lips and platinum blonde hair of thy 17-year-old girls. That's actually legal. That's actually legal. [laughter] You're allowed to. >> That was the best introduction we've ever done. >> That's incorrect. >> So, me trying to help Matt. As long as you don't get carer, it's actually legal, Matt. [laughter] >> It's true. We Googled it. >> That's so hectic. >> All right, so Matt starts a conversation. [clears throat] >> Ooh, this is a sexy room. >> Not really. Not really. [laughter] Not really. >> All right, Matt starts. [laughter] [clears throat] Golden. [laughter] >> What? My urine. I'm so dehydrated. >> What color is yours? Unmatched. >> Oh, that is >> That is a good opening, though. >> Golden. >> Yeah. >> All right. This chick starts a conversation. Hi, how's your day? >> I'm whispering into my shoes. >> The owner of the house keeps telling me to leave, but I'm just on my knees in the kitchen, whispering into my shoes. What are you doing? I'm on the way to the Brisbane airport. You have a nice smile. >> Another one, Matt. >> Oh, that's so friendly. Should we start trying for a baby? [laughter] >> Ongoing. And I believe she replied before and she's like fully into it. Loves this kind of banter. So, >> yeah. >> 17, blonde, lips, tits. >> Unfortunately, no. We're not matching with many of those, >> right? [laughter] Um, you have to be 18 to be in the app. >> Ah, but 17 is legal as long as you known your career. [laughter] >> All right. Matt starts a conversation. [clears throat] >> I'm circling the head of my spear with my pinky. [laughter] >> It tickles. Do you want to play unmatch? [snorts] >> Hell, dude. >> Look at that. >> Circling [laughter] the head of monster. Wow, you got a mega pinky, dude. Look at the size of that pinky. [laughter] >> Holy. >> What the [ __ ] >> Can you do the Dr. Evil thing? >> He could pro probably do it from bloody a mile away, mate. [laughter] >> What have I done? [gasps] [laughter] >> See, that's smart. Threat and violence. It stops quicker. [clears throat] All right, let's get into some uh medium range ones. Matt starts a conversation. >> It's not me. >> I see you. >> What? >> You know how in Avatar they say I see you? I'm saying it like that. I see you. [laughter] >> You would say that, would I? >> Oh, no. I haven't seen Avatar. I'm at work today, so I thought you were being a creepy stalker. Lol. You sound like all my exes. Next, you'll be getting a restraining order as well. I've already got one southside and two north side. So, I'll have to just stay inside if I get any more. >> Well, there'll be another one for north side then. Yeah. Well, maybe don't then because that would generally really make my life a lot harder. It's hard enough dating with three restraining orders already. No one trusts me. It's been really, really difficult. >> I know you're joking, but yeah, it's actually pretty hard for me dealing with it. >> Wa! Unmatched. [laughter] >> It's definitely going to end up on one of those pages. >> That's wild. That's fair. [laughter] >> All right, she starts a conversation. [clears throat] Hey. Oh, no thanks. I've already had lunch. [laughter] No, just joking. Did you get it, though? No, sorry. I'm not very good at getting jokes. How's your day going? Hey, as in like hay, like what cows and horses eat. And I said, I've already had lunch. Like, I've been eating actual hay. So, yeah, it's actually a pretty funny joke. >> And [laughter] and I made it sound like you were offering hay to me. Oh yeah, wrong spelling though. Yeah, but it sounds the exact same. Works better if it's just in conversation. So on future if someone says to you, "Hey," you can just say, "Oh, no thanks. I already ate." Do it now. >> Yeah. Anyways, how's your day going? You up to much? >> I don't know. Let me ask it. Do you get it? [laughter] >> Yeah, I got it when you explained it. [clears throat] I answered as if the day is a separate person. No, I just did a new joke. Oh, how's your day going? I don't know. Let me ask it. Do you get it? Well, far out. Usually, everyone pisses themselves at my jokes. >> Sorry. You might as well not do jokes with me. I have an intellectual disability. >> I have trouble with jokes, as you might have noticed. >> And I am matched with her. [laughter] >> We are horrible. Horrible people. >> I didn't want to like Now that I know that I can't be taking the piss. Yeah, but the tone with which you said I unmatched with her was a bit more >> Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Well, I was just channeling Matt's energy. >> This one, this I I nearly accidentally scammed someone. >> What? >> How? >> This is the accidental scam. Okay. And it worked. >> Okay. Wow. >> Whoa. [clears throat] And that starts the conversation. I want to get you a little gift. What do you want? A gift? Yeah. A gift. What do you want? No clue, hun. I don't ever get gifts. Yeah, but I'm at the shops now for another 10 minutes. So, just let me know what you want and I'll pick something up for you and give it to you on our first date. >> Oh, I see. Well, I mean, I like flowers. >> There's no flower shops, but there's some at Coohl's. Want me to just get some there? There's a Kmart here, too, and I'm about to walk past. Do you want anything from there? No, nothing from Kmart. You're sweet. Yeah, flowers from Coohl's are fine. Okay, heading there now. How are you for milk or eggs? I can pick up any perishables. May as well, while I'm at Coohl's. Oh, you're so sweet. Um, I think I'm okay for everything. Can you quickly check the fridge for cheese and drinks, too? I might grab some Pepsi for myself. Do you just want that or just want some kind of juice? I'm actually at work right now, hun, so I can't check. Why are you so sweet? Okay, I'll just get some just in case. So, cheese, Pepsi, flowers, eggs, and milk. I'll bring a toothbrush, too, just in case I end up staying the night and I can leave my toothbrush there. Oh, I mean, can you get like a box of Red Bull? Yep. Hang on. Just going to have to go to trolley now. And anything else? Please let me know like right now because I'm about done. You got toilet paper and soap and stuff or you running out? Running out of toilet paper and soap also. Okay. Where do you live by the way? I'll come over to around 6:30. I live in I live with my friend and her kid. What the [ __ ] is that? Is that Australia? Yeah, that's sweet. She can just chill in her room if they want. [clears throat] >> Yes, I'm in Canes. Are you cans? I'm in Brisbane. I literally just bought all this [ __ ] >> That's honestly not very nice, you know. Maybe let let me know you're like a 20-hour drive away before you force me to basically do a grocery shop for you. Coohl's doesn't do refunds. Literally just cost me $75 for nothing. Fourpack of Red Bull was 14 alone. Honestly, I'm pretty annoyed now. Can you at least pay me back or something? I have the receipt. Oh, okay. Yeah, I will. My location is on. I'm sorry. I thought you knew. How come it says you're 1 kilometer away? Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. >> Yeah, weird. It says 25 km away from me. So, I thought you'd be near Brisbane. What's your bank detail? Bank details. I'll transfer you the money. Do [snorts] you have pay ID? And then I unmatched with her >> because I could have gotten $75 from her. >> Dude, [laughter] the more you do this, the more I think you're a sociopath, >> dude. >> It just starts with a with a sentence. I'm not meaning to for them to end like this. >> Wild. It just shows how easy people get into scams. >> You're a Nigerian prince. [laughter] >> Maybe I am a sociopath. >> I think it's part and parcel with German. >> Is there a test for that? >> What's that mean? [laughter] >> Um, [cough] [clears throat] >> it's more so when you do the one where you're like really like you understand them, you understand their dating history and you just tell it to them. They're like just can't believe that you understand it. [laughter] >> Yeah. like >> giving them this like false hope that they've found their dream and then just sort of >> That's what horoscopes are though, you know. People who write horoscopes are also sociopaths. >> You used to write horoscopes. >> I think it's pronounced horoscopes, but I like horoscopes as well. >> Yeah, it sounds like a bit more kink. It's like a misogynistic version. [laughter] >> All right, Matt, start the conversation. >> It's not me. >> I slept on my roof last night. [laughter] >> Ew. Why? Was watching the stars and fell asleep. nearly slid off this morning. [laughter] I wasn't wearing a shirt and it got really hot in the morning. So, I guess I started sweating and sliding down the roof due to the slimy sweat. Kind of like a big snail. Lucky I came came to and quickly grabbed my chimney. When do you finish work? I just got home. Apart from falling asleep and almost killing yourself, it sounds relaxing. >> Yeah, it would have been perfect if I didn't profusely sweat. I'm scratching crust out from under my chin. Oh, >> might be time for a shower. Hey, how's your Sunday? I'm just at work. What? What do you do? Work? >> I'm a bar manager. What bar? Out on bribey? Yeah. What's it called? Tell me. Why is that? Because I'm going there. When? When you're working next? Because probably then. I don't know anyone else. What do you mean you don't know anyone else? Are you new to the area? No, but I'm going to go to the bar you work at. And I don't know anyone else. I've never been at that bar before, but don't worry. I will just stand in the corner sipping on salt water and watching you. >> I won't make you uncomfortable. >> Oh, >> well, I mean, this is giving serial serial killer or stalker vibes. I'm just trying to be romantic. Anyway, don't think about it. Just know next time you work, I will be there. I'm happy now. [laughter] Shush. Romantic as in you'll jump me when I leave and take me home and tie me up. >> Do you want that? Unmatched. >> Oh, she unmatched. >> Yeah, I think she got a bit scared. And fair enough. [laughter] >> The opening to that got me. E, like imagine [laughter] that falling asleep on his roof for so long that the sun's coming out, [laughter] >> sliding down. Yeah, >> surely someone's done that. >> Like a melting ice block just stretching. >> Wake up. >> [laughter] >> That could happen to you, too. >> All right. And that'll that'll do. That'll do for today. That's Cinder. >> You never know what you're going to get. >> Yeah, that's right. >> We almost scammed someone. >> Forest gum. >> We we spoke to someone who was less fortunate and um >> doesn't understand jokes. >> There's a couple of really long ones um that'll probably take like this chick was so upset. She was sending like like six paragraph responses, but I'll save that one for next week. >> Okay, >> dude. It stinks in here, man. >> I sort of built up an immunity to it. It's normal now. >> The the the original hit was rough, but then I sniffed into the couch and it survived. >> I don't want to be eating what they're going to be eating with this aroma. >> Yeah, right. >> Oh, it's going to make it [laughter] taste even worse. All right, [clears throat] >> we will now break >> with Bong and be right back with >> the fussiest of the fussy boy. >> Babe, if you don't want a bong, have a car. >> That's right, mates. Coming soon. I woke up. It was 7. I waited till 11 just to figure out that no one would call. >> That's right, mate. >> I think I've got a lot of friends, but I don't hear from them. >> Yeah. >> What's another night all alone? >> When you're spending every day on your And here it goes. I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid. I know that it's not fair. Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight. Wow. Ladies, Matt Brown is still single. Please drop a message in his >> just got serenated. Is that simple? >> Speaking of he's single, we must help him. Help. All right. What's the fussy little boy's um >> fussy little brown? >> Help him. We must help him. >> We must help the brown get a girl. We must help help him get a girl. We must help the brown get a girl. >> Fy little boy. Fussy little. These are fussy boys. >> Welcome to Fussy Little Boys where today the boys are eating dog. [laughter] Is that illegal? Is that >> Yeah, it is in Australia. >> Be prepared. But it's not in Asia, though. [laughter] >> That's why Frankie's here cuz it makes it funnier. >> Can I get sick? >> No. No. We've We've made sure. >> I think we get demonetized for that. >> Hey, look. We're in Asia. >> We're not going to say it's dog. We're going to say it's >> puppy. We'll blur my mouth. And >> James is joking. And it's actually sausages. [laughter] >> We're having dog. >> No. No. Oh, we're doing something way cooler. All right. Now, we all know how much Matt is struggling >> in life. We're doing fussy >> and it's a very special fussy little boys segment. >> See, look, you're out. You knew about it. >> I don't know. We're just trying to help you, mate. So, you just sit back and you listen. >> I don't need help. >> I want you to >> So, what we have done, >> we have organized >> I'll walk out. I don't care. one of the top dating experts in all of Australia and it's very it's ve it's it's very harmless. So this is how it's going to go down. Brown, >> I told you I didn't want this. >> Look, just just hear me out. >> I'm not going to help. I'm not going to be very helpful in this. >> Yeah, that's okay. >> Once you meet it for 20 seconds, we'll allow you to walk out. >> Promise. And we will cut we will cut all of this if you're not happy with it. Done. Okay. >> Promise. But just just see. Okay. So, basically, we're going to give you a scenario and you would tell us what you would do in that scenario and then the dating coach will [laughter] coach you and your response. >> And look, she's very successful. She's married, not divorced. She's had a baby. >> She's pinnacle. She's pinnacle of what success in a relationship is. >> Okay. >> Oh, man. This is going to be stupid. >> We'll cut it if it's >> You might as well send her home. >> We'll cut it if I'm not going to do it. >> Promise you. >> Just just just see her and just see what happens. >> I I really don't want to. >> Oh, Brown, please. >> Yeah, I told you no. >> But there's something you don't know about this person. >> Do I know them? >> That's why the 20 seconds rule is in place. >> 20 seconds. We We're not going to answer. 20 seconds. You meet them. Then then if you if you don't want to do that segment, we'll we'll cut it. >> Who is it? >> Have you ever seen >> Harmon Electra? >> Yeah, [laughter] >> that' be very odd. >> Have you ever seen the movie Fox and the Hound? >> I don't know, >> dude. Imagine if we got Sydney Sweeney. Imagine. >> All right, I'm going to go and get her. >> Why would she be doing um >> You do it if it was Sydney Sweeney. >> Why would she be doing dating advice? >> I don't know. >> She might need a bit of money. She can do whatever she wants. It's Sydney Sweeney. [screaming] >> Oh my god, you guys are so loud. >> Look, man. >> We stink, so we won't touch you. Frankie, be nice. [laughter] >> Frankie is losing his >> You are so sweet. >> So that smell >> Nick the pixie. Nick the pixie. She's married. She's not divorced. She's got a kid. Nick the Pixie. Nick the Pixie. She'll fix your problems. Really, really fix. Frankie's in love. >> So cute. I love >> Hello, Ken. >> Hey, Ken. >> Hey, Ken. [laughter] This is Nick [clears throat] the Pixie from Cracker Milk and she has come in specifically we've been reaching out to all of our network just talking about how like we're worried about Matt and um so Nick has agreed to come in and help. So if you don't know who Nick is, Nick the Pixie on Instagram and she's also one of the Cracker Mill crew. So you know Connor when he comes on part of them making hilarious skits. So let's give a big round of applause. >> Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. >> Yeah. >> Thank you. Thank you. And Matt knows Nick really well. SO HIS WALLS ARE DOWN. THEY'RE SO down right now. >> To make you comfy. >> I just want you to know Nick and also Ken. You guys are safe. >> Happier now. >> I will make sure Matt stays in his seat. Ken and Nick. So you're safe. >> Yeah. Nick's husband is over there. So don't step out of line, Matt. >> Uh Nick, I'm really embarrassed about the smell up here. We got covered in farts. >> I I think that's your excuse. I think it was you. >> Sorry. [laughter] And that was very unconfident. [gasps] >> That's true. That's true. We're here to make you confident and we >> I just I just um I I didn't know who was coming up and I was That's the first thing I was going to say. I'm embarrassed about the smell. >> Yeah. M Matt was um wanting to not go ahead with this, but we're like just give it a chance and >> it's too late. >> Aren't you glad you did? >> I'm not going to be very helpful though. I have to admit. >> This is what I mean. He's very like closed off. >> Yeah, this is the problem. Yeah, I can see it. >> [laughter] >> And I think this is what like stops him from like getting really deep and like really connecting with his partners is that he kind of Yeah. He hits a bit of an emotional roadblock. >> Yeah. >> He can't get past that. Like see how uncomfortable he is. >> I just want to help you. >> Gooey the gooey inside. >> Men can cry too. >> What gooey inside? >> You mad. >> You have a gooey inside. We'll find it. Don't worry. And if we do, I have some gold stars for you when you get things right. >> Are they stickers? >> Are they stickers? Yeah, >> but you've read him like a book. >> Wow. >> Now, also Matt, just because look, this is an option for you. This a lot going on. Obviously, this is new. We're trying to help you. There's going to be questions you're going to have to answer. So, if you want, I've got this you can put over your eyes so the colors and all the things around you don't distract you. >> Some of the stimulus going into your mind. Concentrating. >> Do we have some good fluffy handcuffs? That would be helpful, too. >> Such a condescending question. >> OH, MAN. HA. NO. All right. So, should we I'm open to handcuffs, but not with these creatures [laughter] lurking around. >> She's so cute. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I actually have some like some baseline questions to see where you're at, you know, to kind of get like a little bit of an idea. >> All right. Yeah. We'll throw it over to you. Ask Matt and then Matt, please take these seriously and just open up for once and just be yourself. But just just let down your walls and and be vulnerable. >> But don't be you. Don't be you. [laughter] >> If I didn't know >> that like if it was somebody I didn't know, I' I'd probably would have walked out. >> You would have bashed her. You would have bashed the lady that walked up that you didn't know. >> I saw you clenching your fists already. [laughter] >> Well, I'm chuffed. I'm chuffed. So, thank you so much. >> That's very friendly. >> All right, let us begin >> just with a nice broad easy one. What are you looking for, man? Come on, just be honest. >> Deep breath and just focus. What do you actually You've got this here. >> Give me Give me your dream, your dream idealistic relationship. >> Come on, Matt. Your dream girl. Surely, anyone can answer that. >> Let's start with looks, maybe. >> Oh, that's where he always starts. [laughter] >> Then he works his way up to their face. >> I don't know. [laughter] Um, as much as Marty says it's about looks, I like personality, too. So, I don't know. It's It's hard cuz um I think my past girlfriends have all been different. So >> So yeah, but what what >> He's so vague, isn't he? >> What personality do? >> You're not going to get in here. >> Do you get along? Yeah, but that's the problem. Matt, >> I don't even know what's in here. >> You won't get a gold star then, Matt. You got to try a little harder. >> I just Yeah, it's tough. I really want that sticker. But um >> there's there's plenty. >> But yeah, it's it's uh Yeah, I don't know. >> Maybe some A or B questions. Blonde or brunette? Oh my god. >> Yeah, it's tough. I don't know, >> Matt. Come on. >> A girl with a nose or without a nose. [laughter] >> Into movies or into hiking? >> What's your favorite of the two? >> You know, I'm going to say movies. >> Okay. Well, that's >> I enjoy hiking though. >> But that's okay. She can like both. >> Let's do some A or B questions. >> Good girl. >> Good boy. >> That's right, Frankie. [laughter] >> Who's that? A. Oh, here's Don't scare her. She's an angel. >> She's scared. >> How dare. >> She's protecting us. >> You have to give her a cuddle. Come give her a kiss. >> Good girl. Oh, she is so scared. >> A There you go. >> Good girl. >> Oh, what a little s. I love her. She's so cute. >> Good girl. >> Oh, she pissed. No, that's one of the boys. >> What? >> Now, sorry. Back to the questions. Would you prefer them to have a uterus or no uterus? >> Oh, okay. We're going very >> utter please. >> Okay. Fabulous. Fabulous. Why is it cuz you want kids? Is that something you want? >> Yes, I would love kids. >> There we go. See, we can start there. >> That's beautiful. That's really though. Just >> to raise, right? >> To raise. >> To what? >> To raise the kid. >> Yes, I would like to raise some kids. >> Okay, just checking. >> Love it. Thanks for thanks for clarifying. >> Let's move on to question number two. Maybe this is a bit easier for you. What's your biggest red flag? >> Yours or the girls? >> No, his. Yeah. >> Oh man, there's I can't pick a biggest red flag, but there's one thing I'd always sh me about uh about someone if when I'm dating him if they're rude to um like people who are serving you. >> No, it's your red flag. >> What? Oh, what's my red flag? >> What's your biggest red flag? >> Yeah. >> Oh, um >> that's a good question. He's making him self analyze. >> Yeah, >> it takes a lot. I can see the cogs turning. >> Um >> I think they need to be oiled a little bit. They're like >> my biggest. >> Yeah, [laughter] literally. >> I don't have any red flags. I'm a legend. >> No, I'm surely I do. Um >> would the boys have any? Do you know any of red flags? >> Yeah. Michael, would you like to contribute some of >> physically or mentally? [laughter] Physically >> his biggest red flags >> physically. >> Oh, look. I don't like to hate on a friend, but [laughter] >> a list. >> I'm going to disagree with these. I >> He has He makes Look, farts can be funny, but he makes farts horrifyingly disgusting. Like, I am angry when he farts. It pisses me off a bit cuz it's squelch wet. And like that if I was a chick and like if I fart last night I Emma makes me go to the bathroom cuz they stink so bad. But I prolong them and make them so disgustingly like pretty sounds like but then I giggle and sometimes >> he's made it about him. [laughter] >> Matt, who thought he could make this whole thing about him? >> If Matt farted in front of me and I was his partner, I would hate him. [laughter] >> That's probably my biggest red flag. >> There's a few others, but that's me just being that's my personal one. >> It's a small red flag. Yeah, >> I feel like you could just hold it in for a >> gap. That sounds fixable. Get around it. >> If I may, >> Marty will probably have something more real. >> I think um Matthew's biggest red flag is his um his uh his he his struggles to step out of what is comfortable to find something real. >> Wow, that's deep. >> You can write that down. >> That's deep. I will >> I like partially agree with you. Maybe >> I think also is um Matt's quite picky. It's like he has a a list that they must adhere to and um yeah, he's very quick to dismiss. >> Yeah, >> I see. I see. I see. >> I can see that. But um but when it comes down to it, it's just usually one thing that like gets, you know, me excited about a person and then I'm not really that picky at all. >> This is by the way. What a [ __ ] Sorry. >> I'm having a fabulous day. >> I'm hope you are. [laughter] So, um, why do you think that you've been unsuccessful previously? >> I feel so bad. [laughter] >> Now, we're going to next question. >> Brownie Brownie, >> let's go to a Let's go to a positive question. What good qualities do you offer a future partner? >> I've got a great [laughter] >> You are not getting a gold star for that. I'm very sorry. >> Don't last forever, baby. >> Yeah, that's true. It'll eventually break. When do they expire? I don't want to know. >> Probably like in the 50s area. Probably around there somewhere, >> depending. Late 50s, maybe. >> They just fall off. >> They don't fall off. They just >> splits open. [laughter] >> Oh my god, that's terrifying. >> They become flaps. >> Oh, I can't. >> This is getting out of hand. Um, >> what was the question? [laughter] >> Good qualities that you >> I don't know. Um, uh, they probably answered that better than me. He loves movies. >> That's not a good call. >> He loves basketball cards. >> That's not I don't love them. >> He um >> I'm a kind person. I don't know. Next. >> I think you're quite nice. >> I think you're nice and you're funny. >> I'm nice to some people. I'm not nice to everyone. >> Yeah, but you'd be nice to a a future partner. Obviously, >> he's nice, but he's naughty in the bedroom. >> Oh, yeah. >> I think I'd be a great dad if I was given the chance. Yeah, >> I think that I think I have a natural dad quality about me. >> Yes. >> So, um >> I love that. That's good. That's all very good. >> If if if I got into that situation, whether it's a stepdad or my own kids, I think I'd be a good dad. >> You despise single mothers, though. >> I do not. That's a lie. [laughter] >> That's a joke. He doesn't. He loves them. >> Loves them. >> I have a couple questions here that are probably uh too traumatic. So, let's just go to the last question. Have we ruled out men? >> Yes. >> Okay. Just just making sure. >> It really has. We've tried. >> We've tried. Okay. >> What about like >> What questions did you skip? >> We >> trauma related. >> We get a bunch of ecstasy, >> bunch of booze, you and Kev. We put you up here for a few days and we see what happens. >> I don't know about co-workers, though. >> No. Okay. All right. Sorry. >> No, because I've been on I've been drunk and on drugs before and I haven't swung that way. >> Yeah. But that's why we force you for like we'll put you here for like weeks. >> No. Okay. [laughter] >> You have to let the the love blossom, I think, slowly over time. >> We'll stop. >> All right. Look, we um we prepared a little something. So, we're going to ask you a scenario, Matt, like a hypothetical. And I want you to just tell us exactly what you would do, and then uh Nick will coach and kind of give some feedback on your answers. >> He's going to get a sticker already. Yeah, we're going to see if we can get some stickers on him. >> Look, and you have got this here. >> Look at his eyes lighting up. >> I'm really um sorry to all the fans. >> You've got this here if you need it. >> Poor segment if you need. >> Not you, Nick. The idea [laughter] >> Matthew Greg Brown. >> Nick's idea. >> Was not. [laughter] >> It was not. >> All right. So, you're single. You're out and about. You're in the city. You enter an elevator and your ultimate girl is in there. So, single mom. She smiles and says hi. What do you do next? >> I'm her director. >> So she smiles at me and I smile at her. >> Yeah. And she says hi >> and she says hello. I'll say hello back. >> Yeah. And then like so >> that's it. Then hello and just get out of the elevator and leave. >> Like like how do you progress? How do you progress? >> How's your night going? >> Yeah, but like like how do you end up like taking it to the next level? >> I don't know. I've never picked up anyone in an elevator before. Well, now's the time. >> So, ready? I'll smile and we'll have the combo. >> See, this makes it worse. >> Yeah, it does. >> Nick should. >> No, >> I think that'll make it even worse. >> Yeah, I can't do that either. [laughter] >> Um, come and do it. >> Yeah. Hell yeah. >> Uh, I don't know. >> Okay, just >> I don't know. >> Okay, look, let's just say you end up having a conversation with her and then you ask her for a number. What is she? Okay. So, I've asked her for her number. >> Yeah. Even though you don't quite know how to get to that, we'll just skip that part. >> And you've got her number now. >> See, it's hard these days cuz if if I if I try and chat her up, I'll just get accused for harassment. >> But you can just say to her, "Look, look, >> that is very, very sexy." >> You can just say to, "Oh, look, what are you doing this weekend?" I know it's probably bit strange. >> Okay, so I'm at So, I've got her number and what was your question? You begin texting the elevator girl and you have locked in a date. >> What do you text? >> What is the date that you plan? >> Oh, that's such a good question. >> What date would I take them on? >> Yeah. >> Um >> Okay. >> Ideal date for me. >> Oh, man. >> I like a lowkey date. Like I like >> cheap. Um, I've already No, I've already Oh, well, it is cheap, but like it's But I I prefer a place with a good view and like a picnic with like wine and cheese boards and stuff. >> Oh my gosh. Yes. >> Um, now whether you do that like places I've like, you know, somewhere just with a good view or a good place like um Kangaroo Point. >> Kangaroo Point. Yeah. just something low-key where it's where you know where you can sit and actually properly talk because if you go to a restaurant it's like a 50-50 chance of either it's too loud or um or or you know it might work out but most of the time it's too it's very loud so you're not really you can't really get personal and if you go to a bar it's hard it's hard to get personal it's very loud >> I think you deserve a gold star for that one >> great date great date Matt learning don't take them to the botanical gardens at night with apples cuz psums come and sometimes times that one of the possums is a missing eye. >> Oh my. >> I know, Matt. That's a That's a >> Do you have its other eye? >> I think it had like AIDS or something. >> Oh, >> but yeah, something something where where um you can really have a good conversation and you know, you're not going to have to get disturbed every 15 minutes. >> Okay, that's great. That's a great date, Matthew. >> Where did you put the gold star? >> Oh, sorry. Just >> Oh, you have to put it on you. It's a sticker to put them on. >> I need I'm a visual learner, so I need to know you're doing a good job. >> I didn't want to waste them. >> No, no, no, no. It will actually uh I understand you need a sticker book. >> Give you a spare one for your laptop. >> All right. Anyway, uh All right. So, the date is tonight. What do you wear? >> Am I going on my date? >> Oh, yeah. With elevator girl. Let's call her fall. >> Um is it is it uh is it going to be a warm night or a cold night? >> You my brother. >> Perfect brown night. >> Oh, perfect. Perfect brown night is there. where it's not too cold, not too warm, but I can wear a long sleeve shirt. Um, what color? >> Buttons. >> I don't know what color >> is. Is that buttons? >> Well, I don't know if I do buttons. Maybe >> maybe buttons, >> but I wear shorts. >> Light blue. >> So, maybe a button button-up show shirt with shorts cuz it's it's low key. I'm not going out to events still. Do you pull it up like here >> or do you leave them fully long? Yeah, casual. All right. All right. All right. business shirt and footy shorts. [laughter] >> Yeah, >> that's exactly what I'm imagining. >> Shirt line. >> I don't know. I I I have a feeling if I was doing a picnic, I'd probably go just a long sleeve tea. >> Shoes. What shoes? >> Shoes. >> He doesn't need them. Look at him. He's already wearing shoes. >> Oh, yeah. Um, yeah, I'll probably wear like nice Converse. White Converse. >> Nick, what do you think about that? >> That's okay. I think uh I think you get another gold star. >> Thank you. Well done. >> You're winning. You're winning. Is this making you feel better about about it? You know, getting >> I think we've just merged off into a weird >> No, this I think this is actually quite good for you. It's good for you to like visualize this because now when it happens, you know, the step-by-step process. All right. So, the date's gone really well. You've eaten and you've and she's seen how fast you eat and she's still interested and had a few wines. How do you finish the night? >> Good question. and not anal. >> Well, let Matt answer. >> We need to know what's going on in his cog. >> It depends. If things go well, if things go well, we're going to be there over the like the the time we thought we were going to be there. So, I'll probably be there for too long. We've been chatting cuz we really get along. >> Um I would offer to walk her to her car for safety. >> She's been drinking, mate. [laughter] >> You got her up. >> Well, she's drinking. She's going to get an Uber. So, I would wait next to her until her Uber arrives. >> What if she's like she's itchy? She's [laughter] just itchy. And >> Michael, >> if she's itchy and she's ready to roll, I I don't know. I wouldn't want to. It's You don't really want to go straight there on the first date. If that does, if I did do that, it would have to be like we're really sparking and and I know that things are really good, but I prefer >> Do you go for it or do you not while the Uber is coming? >> Yeah, I'd go for it >> with tongue, heavy tongue. >> It it slop. >> If I really like her, I definitely go for kiss. Not too heavy unless it becomes he like a heavy kiss and then I'm all for it. Um, but uh, yeah, definitely a kiss because I think if you really like her, you like establish that in her head straight away that you're interested >> and and how would you get that kiss? Would you just like look at her and then lean in or would you stand over her and kind of like like how would you >> I don't know. Um, >> so like thanks so much for the night. Like I'm so glad you waited for me for my Uber. I had so much fun. Oh, [clears throat and laughter] I'm just too good at that. >> Yeah, maybe I wouldn't kiss I wouldn't maybe I wouldn't kiss you on your first date. >> Uh I I don't know. It just seems to happen. >> What about the hug and then slow pull back? >> Like wherever the wherever it's a hug or or I don't know. It just seems It just seems to happen. If I every date I've ever been on and I've wanted to kiss them, it's it's sort of happened. >> And what is the the most important thing to do when you end a good date? Um, oh, I don't know what you guys do, but I usually text them straight after and say, "Hey, just want to say that was really great." >> Oh, that's really sweet. Gold star, the gentleman. >> You schedule in the next date >> before you leave. >> Yeah, >> I'd probably do that as I'm talking to them. >> Lock her down. >> To be honest, you know, when you're getting to know someone, you probably lock in a date >> immediately. As you're getting on, >> as soon as you greet them, we should do this again. [laughter] Very funny. >> That's actually very good. >> That's a good opening line. >> Should start asking him when they're free and maybe while you're on holiday. [laughter] >> Oh, wow. Look at you. You're doing so well. >> Maybe like a gay one. >> We've ruled out men. We've ruled out men. >> All right. Now, >> here we go. >> We fast forward a month. >> We've had fast forwarding. >> You've had three more dates and they've gone well. You've invited her over for dinner. What do you cook? And you can't order in, mate. >> She's asked you to cook. She wants to see what skills you have. >> I don't very I don't have very good cooking skills. Um, >> your wow dish. >> I >> plain pasta. [laughter] >> Yeah. Um, I don't know. I would um I'd get adi I'd get advice from from someone on on an idea because I'm very terrible at picking like things to cook. So um mom's got great ideas. James has got good ideas and things to cook. I think >> So you'd outsource the >> I'd outsource the idea and then and then I'd freak out trying to cook it. >> Thoughts? Nick, what do you think about that? >> Oh yeah. Look, that's all right. I very good cookie eater, so I'm probably the same. I know what I'd tell Matt to make >> that that um pasta dish where you cook it all in one bowl. It's like you put two chunks of feta in there, bunch of tomatoes, bunch of herbs and spices, and then you just cook pasta, mix it up, pour it all in, and it's >> and you can tell it's viral, too, so you can show the video. >> Or or I would do um if it's like a is this like a simple Oh, [ __ ] I'd make it simple. Um yeah, if she's coming home for dinner, maybe I do like um taco night as well, CUZ I I I CAN GET THAT >> BROWN LIKES TEXTURE. >> Crunchy tacos. >> I don't know anyone who doesn't like that. And um and it's it's quite simple and fun cuz you make you get all the ingredients out and you make them yourself. >> It's good. >> That's that's a fun idea. You're being a fun brown Nick. Wouldn't you agree? >> Wow. Yes, I agree. I I totally go for taco night. >> Thank you. I'm so [laughter] proud of you, mate. >> Pop that on your comfortable. >> Pop that on your proud mate. >> Wait, wait. We're losing him. >> Oh, yeah. Proud of you, mate. >> Can't point out progress. >> All right. Okay. [clears throat] Look, we're nearly there, Matt. >> So, she's really enjoyed dinner now, and it's you've, you know, it's more than three dates. How do you initiate physical thumping? [laughter] >> Well, don't call it that. >> That's sex. >> Wait, sorry. Where are we beginning again? So, we're on the date. >> Just had dinner. She's come over and you know, you've been on three dates with her before. The signs are there. >> Oh, I've been on dates with her before. Okay. So, >> I'm assuming that we've already been making out lots. >> She's so itchy. I'm assuming. >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. >> Shush. [laughter] >> You have just had your bloody beef tacos. Mints. >> So, I'm assuming that we've been making out on all these other dates and we're pretty frisky already. >> Itchy. Um depending [laughter] depending on um [snorts] on how we are together and how forward we are together I would possibly initiate it before dinner. What? >> If things are rolling, I'm saying if things are rolling well, I find I've [laughter] >> got my attention. [laughter] That was like you were like shocked like what the >> camera [laughter] I' I've found that in past relationships whether I'm doing that if you if you're going to have dinner at either person's house if you have sex before dinner it's incredibly good and dinner goes down a [ __ ] >> you have a meal before the meal. >> Yeah. Exactly. But if it because when you once you've had dinner and you're all depending on what you have, you're all like full and [ __ ] and you know, you don't >> you got m sloped [snorts] down your front mushy pee. >> And if if the goal if the goal from your question is to try and get him into the bedroom, yeah, it's a lot harder after a meal, I think, than it is before a meal. >> All right. Well, how about this? >> So, but I'm saying if I I'm very I find I'm a very flirty person. I think if if I've had a couple of dates already and things are going well, I reckon I could initiate it before dinner. >> Okay. So, what do you think about that, Nick? >> That's that's very like unorthodox >> in a romantic way. How do you [laughter] >> Yeah. I mean, you're thinking about her and and and you know, making sure that she's not going to be too full. >> Yeah. Like people get bloated and they feel they don't feel sexy after a meal. You can't fill up before you fill them up. >> Sorry. I was trying to say something outrageous. Um, what about this? Okay. >> I don't like to hear it. I like to see it. So, we're cooking the tacos and Oh, >> no. [sighs] >> I'm itchy. [laughter] >> Like, >> it's got some. >> I'm not even I'm not even what you do. >> Show me what you do. Do it to me. Show Do it. >> I'm not even kissing yet. She's going to look she's going to feel and look her best when she walks through the door. All right. So, even before cooking starts, I will make it I'd be making it about her. >> So, you take a hand. Take my hand then. >> No, I'm not doing that. >> Come on. Just let her in a picture. >> This isn't This isn't about you, >> baby. [laughter] This isn't about This isn't attention, baby. This isn't the tension. [laughter] >> It's a movie reference. I worried for a minute that you were going to say, "I'll put on a movie after dinner." No. >> But then you could. >> No. No. >> Because if you if you've drilled, had food, and you want to relax. What's wrong with the movie? >> I mean to initiate the sex. It's a No. No. >> Especially if it's interesting, they'll be like, "Shut up. Shut up. Look, look at the screen." >> Yeah. No. No. Yeah. I'm like, "Yeah." I'll be like, "See, he's he's about to kick that helmet and he's going to break his foot. He actually broke his foot in real life." Like I'd be Yeah. It' be [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Okay. What about this scenario? She goes, "I can't stand condoms. What do you do?" >> Um, >> yeah, it's a nogo. >> I don't know. Like, safety first. Yeah. >> Well, it all depends. Like, if I can see her, I don't know. >> What if she shows you all her blood tests and stuff and [laughter] she's fully fine? Would you call 1300 health and whip a doctor? >> I don't know. I'd be very if it's the first time having sex and that's they say that to me and like I don't I don't like condoms. I'll be like I'll be very like oh that's a weird >> it's a weird thing to say for the first time having sex because you probably want to be safe. >> It's very responsible. >> You still don't know them. >> All right. So now you've thumped and you've had dinner. Well actually you've just you've you've been intimate. Now she's quiet and visibly uncomfortable. >> Why is she uncomfortable? >> Oh no. What do you do? >> Wait, why is she uncomfortable? [laughter] >> Is this what you would do? >> I've never had I've never had something. >> Why are you uncomfortable? [laughter] >> I've never had this before. >> I'd probably check that she's okay. For [ __ ] sake. >> Would you say for [ __ ] sake? >> Are you okay? For [ __ ] sake. [laughter] >> Why are you uncomfortable? >> I check. >> I'd check in on her and be like, are you all right? What's >> And she cowers. [laughter] And she's quivering. >> What do you do? >> Well, like I said, I got a great dick, so sometimes that could be the reaction, >> my man. >> Confidence. That's confidence. >> All right. Um, yeah. Go on. >> Yeah. I've never had that. So, that's that's a sort of an irre irrelevant question. >> Is that what you'd also say? You've never had this and it's irrelevant? Your opinion doesn't matter. [laughter] >> No, I if there if they're visibly shaken, I'd be like, "Are you okay? What's wrong? Talk to me." Well, I you didn't ask for consent. >> I'm just so itchy. [laughter] >> Now, what do you think? >> We went off path that last question. Let's let Nick now adjudicate. >> Oh. Oh, >> yeah. What do you think about that whole scenario that he >> see? I I can't see any. There's no red flags popping up. So, I don't know why the, you know, they're not they're not like jumping over fences to get to you. What's going on, honey? >> I'm probably old life. I think this is the other thing is he tells himself these just weird things he thinks about himself, thinks that everyone thinks them and then therefore doesn't take a chance. He doesn't put himself out there. >> You don't put yourself out there enough. >> Well, yeah. Like currently I haven't thrown myself really anywhere with anyone. So >> Oh, Tinder. You're pretty active on Tinder. >> You're pretty active with my photographs on Tinder. >> Oh no. Would you be open to us getting a Russian male order bride? >> Russian male order bride. >> Russ I had to listen to him then. No, I don't want that. >> What about a female? >> Usually not a bad idea. >> No, I don't. >> Let us know in the comments. >> No, there's no love there. >> If it gets top comments, >> there's no love there. >> Yeah, but she's hot, mate. >> Yeah. Yeah, but that'll fade. There's no love there. >> It says that's not the problem. The problem is what's inside. >> Exactly. Yeah. Cuz once you get old, we're all bloody ugly. >> Yeah. One of the [ __ ] girls over there, didn't I? Oh. I'm sensitive. He had a gold star. >> I'm sensitive, too. >> Yeah, if he had a gold star, I'd take it away from him. >> Based on what you've heard today, Nick, what would like what would your advice be for Matt if he was to put himself out there a little more, maybe? >> I think just be confident. >> But how where does he go to put himself out there? >> Oh, dude. I don't even know. We're talking like [laughter] online. See, see, I I get labeled with I'm not confident, but it's only because they're all yammering at me and trying to force me into situations, which is sometimes it's not a bad thing. >> I've not ever once said you're not confident. I've just said that you could put yourself out there a lot more. And if you made some effort, I guarantee you, this would not be we wouldn't even be having this conversation. We could just talk to Nick about better things, more interesting things. >> Yeah. This is your fault. [laughter] >> Not that it's not interesting. >> Yeah. So, I don't think it's a confidence thing. I Yeah. What you said is right. I know I'm right. >> So, so what's the plan moving forwards then? >> You have to be married within a month. If not, we kill you. >> Yeah, that's >> some time pressure. Yeah. >> Good video. >> No, because then I'll end up with someone that I don't want to be with cuz the aim would be just to get married. >> He should go on that that that show that people >> love on the spectrum. [laughter] >> No, no, no. Married at first sight. >> That's how that happens. I can get him on the >> Oh, I'd watch that. >> Oh, >> I'm sure we'd all enjoy it and watch it, but it's it's not going to happen. No reality shows, >> please. What about Survivor? >> No. >> Who wants to be a millionaire? >> Is that a reality show? >> Oh, yeah. >> I thought it was a game show. >> Yeah, it is. It's real, though. [laughter] >> A real game show. >> Well, look, that's this is the first part of the surprise. So, >> this is a lie. >> Marty would lead this. >> We've we've um can you get >> there's going to be a bit of set up. >> Oh, okay. >> It's going to be fabulous. >> We'll do that soon. >> I'm just going on the whole like let's all just get some more confidence. >> If you if you built a kissing booth for me and Michael, it's not going to happen. >> It's just a confidence booster exercise. >> Just to let you let loose. It'll be fine. Everyone will be included. Everyone's involved. >> I'll join in. >> Me, too. You can't see us setting it up. >> Yeah. Yeah. We'll just chill. >> I want to know what it is. >> It's a girl. >> All right. Look, we're going to have a girl. >> We're going to have a look. Should we just tell him? >> Yeah. >> No, because then he'll say no. >> Yeah. He's He'll probably say no. >> Because you have to make sure that he sets it up because it's such an effort to set up. He'd feel bad. >> Yeah. You probably should tell me. Otherwise, >> [ __ ] >> Unfortunately, you're going to go through a lot of effort. I may say no. >> I'm very confident when I say no. >> Oh, yeah. Actually, there's there's um money on the line. You can get you can get money. >> Coin. >> Why have you got coins? Uh >> oh. >> Catch. >> Wow. That's like all gold coins. I lost that in the light for a second. >> Yeah, that was impressive. >> Why do I need dollar coins? >> Find out. >> There's a pinball machine. >> Oh, no. >> Yeah. >> Cool. I was just lying saying that we had a girl here. >> We do. Hi. Hello. [laughter] No, no. Like a Russian order. >> A Russian order bridegirl. >> You're a pixie. >> Oh, stop it. [laughter] That's too nice. >> Can I ask you a question? >> Okay. >> Did you really break your back? >> Yes, I did. Oh, >> sorry. This is going to turn into a Nick interview. >> No, no, I love I love I love the question. It was so fun. Um, I did, you know, LRA, you know, like the hoop that you hang like you can like do cool tricks on and stuff. I was doing a photo shoot and we were doing it out at like the Crumben Rockpools and it's like these professional people that set it all up for you and everything and so then you just rock up and do the moves but it was over a creek and it was a small creek and they moved most of the rocks out of the way. >> Oh >> yeah. And then I it's kind of crazy. They were kind of like oh this move I was like I this is my favorite move but like it's pretty risky. And they were like just do it. You got this. Blah blah blah. I was like well can you be there in case I fall? I won't but it'll be fine. like it. And because I had in the back of my mind this girl was there ready to catch me, >> I kind of like went as far as I could to get like the photo and then I fell onto a river rock and it broke my back. >> Oh. >> Did you feel it break? >> It was Yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot. But I thought that like >> Did you hear like a snap or something? >> No, I have heard that before. I broke my foot and I was listening to the Conan podcast and I heard the crack in my ears through my headphones which is crazy. But that time no, I just thought I was being a baby cuz like I'm a bit of a sook when it comes to pain. So, I just was like, "Oh, I'll be fine. I'll be fine." Um, like I literally had a bruised kidney and a broken back. And I drove an hour and a half home. As I was driving, every time I turned this way, I was like, >> "Oh, >> yeah. It was crazy." And then I went to the doctors and I got it all sorted and it was like one of the bottom ones. I'm really lucky it was like off to the side. There was no like actual like smooshing of the plates and stuff. So, thank God cuz if it was just slightly over, I could have been like literally paralyzed. >> Yeah. Literally. >> Yeah. You shouldn't be walking when that happens. 22. I think it was like four four years ago. >> Oh, wow. That's pretty recent. >> Yeah. Yeah. It was on my mom's birthday, too, cuz I called her up and was like, I think you might have to take me to the hospital. >> And then what? They put your spine in a cast. >> No, they were like, don't move for 6 weeks. And I was like, >> walking. Yeah, I Yeah, I know. >> I think I broke my back. >> Yeah. No, I was It was pretty >> That Austin story. Remember Austin broke his back? And what? That other lady who doing the with the curtain thing and then she fell down. It's dangerous. Is that's what it was. Is that the curtain thing that you sort of >> Oh, silks. Yeah, I've done silks before. Yeah. >> That wasn't silks that broke. >> No. No. It's a LRA. So, it's like it's like a um a metal hoop that's just hung up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, >> and what you're just up in the air and >> Yeah. And the move, honestly, to be fair, it was pretty was it's a heel hang. So, I'm literally hanging on with the back of my heels like this. >> Yeah. So, that's why I just like fell cuz my heel just went >> I know. Crazy. >> So, no more hoops. >> No, I I did it again. And I got a little bit of PTSD when I went back and I like was doing that move again and I was like and the teacher was like what's wrong with you? And I'm like it's like shell shock. Yeah. Um but no I still do it. So and yeah >> it's not over ri >> No that's what I thought. It was kind of odd. They didn't have like even a small thing cuz you can't really see it in the pictures anyway. So I'm like why didn't you just safety first guys and then they were like you should do this move that you're not confident with. And I'm like >> I don't think that was a great idea but they were nice. They sent me flowers. Oh, that's nice. So, you didn't >> And then I have the photos and the photos are really nice, but then it's just like PTSD. >> Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. So, >> [ __ ] hell, that's wild. >> Sorry to change that up. I've always been curious, though. >> No, that's so fine. No, it's it's somewhere interesting. >> That's good questions. Yeah, I'm very good interviewer. >> You're very good at listening to, so that's good. >> Thank you. >> Green flags, Matthew. And now we have a plan. If you see a girl that you know you look like you could be into, now >> she's not on the elevator. What am I going to do? Well, exactly the same thing. >> Just that's why you've got this. Remember, everywhere is just in your mind. Everything's black. So, just don't You can talk to her like this. >> So, you're telling me >> put it on, right? >> And then you won't get distracted because there's no sounds or sights or colors. >> Look, everyone. What an idiot. >> So, you want me to put on a blindfold when I meet a girl? >> Well, close your eyes. >> Just if you become overwhelmed. >> If you get overwhelmed. >> From Big Daddy. Just get a pair of like sunglasses and just pretend they make invisible. No, don't. Maybe don't do that because he would start doing some weird. [laughter] >> Yeah. Don't >> touching himself or something. >> Oh, well. >> Anyway, look, we're going to have a bong break and then we have a uh a a a competition. Is that right? >> Yeah, let's do let's do a competition. That means it's not on you, Matt. >> Okay. >> Yeah. I don't know if I will. Um You'll be fine. >> I I can >> You can't make him do it if you're not going to do it. >> I I'm I'm I'm broken. >> You'll be fine. You >> My back it's broken >> right now. [laughter] I broke my dick. >> Rip bong. Come with me. >> All right. Look at this. >> I'm upset that you have to come here and there's this smell. >> Look at this. >> It's fine. I'm used to it. You're a boys >> everyone. And look, it's a Matt verse Michael. Who's the best stripper? All right, so Nick's gonna show him some moves and then Michael's got a minute and Matt's got a minute and then Nick's gonna judge the best. >> Oh, I love that. >> Michael has a question. >> Why don't we have music? >> Copyright. >> Yeah, point. [snorts] >> We could just have someone singing. >> It could be. Imagine if [clears throat] we had the James Reeds Reddit song that we performed to >> Oh, yeah. That's actually [laughter] not a bad idea. >> God, that's hilarious. >> Why doesn't Matt get a practice? Michael gets to go first and then Matt gets to go second, giving you not one but two advantages. >> You will lose. I'm better than you. I've won. >> Maybe it should be you versus Nick. >> Oh, come on. Come on up. Come on up. No, he'd still win. >> Michael's been going to pole classes classes for like 10 years. >> I wouldn't be surprised if he has. >> What sort of move you can >> I can't like cuz I I don't think I can take my my arms off. I'm like holding yourself like this. That's good. That's good. So, so if you want to do one where you just >> I don't think I've got the strength to do anything. >> Well, it's also just stickiness. You want to get your skin on >> confidence. >> So, you want this, you want the stickiness of your skin. You've got your foot, which is might hurt a little bit. And then you've got the inside of here. Hold this. Pull up. And then squeeze between your legs. Try and do that. >> It's all about skin. >> You went like that. >> Yep. Yep. You put that foot up here >> and then that. That's fine. And now you pull up and then between your legs. >> I just want to practice that one. I reckon I can do that. >> That's cuz your pants are so small. >> See, that's good. Yeah. Your legs are so long. >> It's breaking. >> Oh, no. I can't get the grip. >> You have to Is it cuz you're you saying you have to pop? >> Oh, thigh is necessary. >> How did you do that? >> She all right. >> Yeah. She got caught on a hanger and somehow also got it underneath the lights. Oh, >> that's better. Yeah, that's a good look. >> Yeah. See, squeeze. Squeeze in with your thighs. >> Yeah, I'm too heavy. >> That's good. No, you're not too heavy. >> No, you're not. Now, just do a spin. Just do a spin where you can hold on. Have one high, one low, and you can just do whatever you want. You can even just >> anything. How did you >> Or you could do You did one like >> You're making it so elegant. I'm just like, "Fuck me. I'm going to die." You know what I mean? Like, yes. >> That's good. >> You do a cool spin. You do like up and down ones. >> Up and up and like this one. You can do that one. You can do that one. Actually, that's a good one cuz I don't think I've got any strength to do that. >> Yes. Push with this one. Pull with this one. And then put your feet like this. But then also go around at the same time. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> What' you do? >> Push and pull. Put your leg down. >> Cuz you're heavy. >> Perfect. Cuz I'm heavy. Yeah. >> Where are them dollar dollar coins? >> Here we go. >> I'm worried about the coins. Don't throw it. >> Don't throw it too hard cuz the cameras we don't want to hit the cameras. >> Oh wow. This is Oh my god. >> Yes. [laughter] >> Very [laughter] in the spines. >> Oh my gosh. This is impressive. >> Wow. Michael. >> Holy [ __ ] Holy [ __ ] We got to get some water. >> [ __ ] That's really impressive. >> Wow. Wow. Oh yes. >> Oh, the body roll. [laughter] >> Oh my. >> What? This is sexy. >> Oh my god. >> Oh yeah. >> You've lost, man. It's over. >> Oh, Luke's picking up a coin. Heads. Oh my gosh. >> Hands up, brother. >> A crab. >> Crab. >> Try and be sexy with it, though. >> Sexy cramp. >> Oh, [ __ ] hell. >> That is so tiring. >> That was so >> very good, [cheering] Michael. >> That was so impressive. >> Very good. >> Well done. >> Good. Nick, what do you score that out? >> Full commit out of 10. I say that's an eight out of 10. Even five out of 10. >> Pull something. I'm better than you. I've won. >> Get up. >> You've had lessons. >> I need a rest. I think I can't follow that. >> Have a crack, brother. >> You're just going to have to really lean into the sexualization of this. >> It's not in me. I don't have it as good, >> Matt. It is in you more than anyone I know. >> Don't touch me. >> Yeah, you can do this. >> I think you got this. >> Take your clothes off. >> Come on, Brown. >> Take your clothes off. >> We believe in you. >> Oh, yeah. Pull pull your pants. Pull your pants off. >> Oh, man. If a pole dancer smelt like that, it's an instant zero. [laughter] I'm sure some of them do. >> Matt just said I'm sure some of them do. >> Clean each time. I'm sure there's a stinky one. >> Yeah. I'm like, do you need to clean it so it's not sweaty from >> there? There is some paper towel. >> Let's just be real. I'm not going to achieve much. >> You've got this. You got to believe. >> Confidence. Brown. >> Feel it. Feel it in your brown tinge. Come on, mate. cleaning it. >> Let's go. >> Oh [ __ ] I can't hold up. >> Wow, that was good. >> Yeah, that's impressive. >> Oh, I love bit of violence is always good, too. Yes, brown. [laughter] Go the other way. Go the other way. >> I don't know how to go the other way. >> Do your leg thing around it. Yeah, that way. No, backwards. Go backwards. >> Yes. >> Here we go. >> Can't do this. >> Oh, Matt, you gave up early. >> That was so deserve a clap. >> That was so impressive. That was so good. [applause and cheering] Sorry, I forgot to clap. >> All right, Nick, what do you score that? >> That's hard. I feel like if it kept going, it would have been a bit higher, but because you stopped a little earlier, I'd say a seven. >> A seven. Michael pulls it just >> What do you get again? >> 8.5. >> Eight. 8.5. Look, a seven is steep. There was no skill in that. >> That was so good. Are you kidding? He I think it's because he said he was going to do such a bad job that when he did anything, it was like, wow. >> He lowered the expectations. >> He did. Look at them dollar bills. >> Exactly when you get girls. >> That's right. like I'm not that great a guy and then you can start being just really really mean. [laughter] >> Anyway, look, there you have it, guys. Michael wins the pole dancing competition. Don't forget to tune in next week because >> Oh, yeah. We have some we are going to >> the moon. >> Someone one of us four, you know what we should do? We should not tell them. One of us will take laxatives at the start of the episode. You won't know who it is. Or maybe you will. I don't know. And they they just have to try and last the entire episode without their pants. >> That's right. So >> you should try that on your podcast, too, Nick. >> I I'll pass. I'm glad I'm not there next time, actually. Glad I was here this week for just the fast smell. [laughter] >> But thank you. If you want to follow Nick's Instagram, it'll be on the screen now and in the descriptions. Thank you very much for coming. >> Thank you for having me. >> Pleasure. Thanks for coming out. We It's a bit of a drive, isn't it? >> Yeah, it is. >> Worth it. You boys are worth it. >> Yeah. Look, Matt, you now know how to get girls. We have a plan. >> I don't know if we've really >> There's a plan now. And you sort of you had a crack at something that you're not confident with. >> Exactly. We're getting to that gooey center. >> Dancing. >> Yeah. >> You weren't confident and you had a crack. >> Talking about your feelings. >> Yeah, that was very impressive, Brown. And Nick, you brought that out of him. So, thank you. >> We've been trying to do that for 20 years. >> And like we finish every podcast with a little jingle. Are we all ready? Number one. 1 2 3 4 5 3 2 5 B E S T E S T E B E S We are the B E S B Oh.