Making $100M At 28 | Leila Hormozi SIMPLE GUIDE To Becoming RICH

within less than a 2-year period I got arrested six times and I just honestly was a dead beat like I ruined my life and I realized that I just don't want to be this person anymore you are an entrepreneur CEO of acquisition. comom co-founder of gym launch which sold for $50 million most things in life actually require much less effort than we think how do you recommend people change their own lives they have to change their relationship with their thoughts and feelings honestly Fitness and diet is actually worse than anything I've ever seen how how defensive somebody is over their diet I correlate with their intelligence but what if they're right I think you've said this before that your goal was a billion dollars is that true yes why do you say yes as though there's a little stipulation I think a billion is way too small Leila horos you are an entrepreneur CEO of acquisition. co-founder of Jim launch which sold for $50 million co-founder of prestige labs and Allan thank you so much for coming on the iced coffee hour thanks for having me I'm excited to see what we talk about today so one of my favorite things about your story is how inspirational it is because you were not always the person that you are today you have gone on the record and said that you were arrested one time six times in one year what were those arrests for and how did that compel you to change to become the person you are today when I got arrested it was between the age of uh I was like almost 18 and between that and like almost 20 so it was like within less than a two-year period um I got arrested six times and uh what kind of led up to that I think it's kind of misleading because the few years leading up to that I actually was like a pretty decent kid like I got decent grades I went to school I was not like a a off in anyway um but it was I think what happened prior to that and like what had built up over time that then was Unleashed when I left the house um you know prior to being a teen teer I would say at the age of I think I was 14 and uh I had been living with my mother who was an alcoholic and drug addict and uh up to that point I had keeping it a secret and so I hadn't told my dad because my parents got divorced and she started getting into all that when they got divorced and i' been very close to her when I was little and so I didn't want to tell anybody I didn't want to have to go live with my dad because I hadn't even known my dad that well and I was just always a like very introverted kid and so I kept it to myself and I kind of just took care of her and took care of myself you know she didn't really she didn't have a job she had different boyfriends like it was just kind of a mess and so uh at the age of 14 it got to a point where it couldn't really be kept a secret anymore because you know I came home one day she was threatening she took a bunch of and so I had to call 911 and when I called 911 they called my dad my dad showed up and he's like what have you been hiding has this been going on and I was like I mean yeah I just haven't wanted to tell anybody because I just didn't want to hurt my mother right because in some way I thought that that that would do that and so I ended up leaving that house and then going to live with my dad who also had at that point now was living and remarried and I had three steps siblings that were in the house and so finally when I got out of the house it was like thank God Freedom you know what I mean like I I already know how to take care of myself like I don't need this but it was also a lot of anger because I don't think that I had a lot of coping mechanisms that I have now and so what I defaulted to was you know unfortunately the same thing that my mother had which was just alcohol right I'm at College I moved out I'm in the dorms everyone's drinking and so any night and every night that there was available which was pretty much you know five nights a week when we were in college um I decided to go out and party and I made friends with people who were dealers and then the rest of my friends were drinking every night and so I just at first it started as something that was fun and then it turned into really just trying to mask a lot of this anger and anxiety that I felt and I think I'd had most of my life but I had been able to stuff it down for a long enough enough time and I think when I got that out of the house it just felt like a lot was Unleashed including that and so I just went on like essentially a bender for two years like I just was drinking all the time I gained a bunch of weight I already wasn't like the most in shape but like then gaining on top of that I was almost 100 pounds heavier than I am now um and I just honestly was a dead beat like I ruined my life and for that period of time and it wasn't until my sixth arrest when I was just completely humiliated because I had gone out the night before and then I woke up and I was just in my parents house and I was like cuz like I hadn't woken up any other time my parents house i' been at you know my own house I had a ticket in my purse or whatever I went to the jail for a second then I got out and so I woke up I didn't remember what had happened and I just saw ticket next to the bed and I'm at my parents house and I was like oh my God and it just I just remember being filled with Dread and I walked downstairs because there's nowhere else to go in the house and it's a very small house and I remember my dad was sitting there with my stepmom and I was ready for him to just rail into me and just be like what are you doing with your life what's wrong with you all these things like stuff I already freaking knew and instead of doing any of that that um I sat down and he looked at me and I remember his eyes were like wed up with tears and he was just like not going to yell at you I'm not going to tell you what to do it's like I just want to say that I think if you keep going down this route I just think you're going to and he said it in his way that was so matter of fact that it's like I think when you're young you think you're invincible and you think that nothing can hurt you you know I would drive drunk I would you know do all sorts of drugs and mix with alcoh alol like there was a lot of stuff I did that was very Reckless and I think it all stemmed from thinking I was invincible and in that moment the way he looked at me it was like all of a sudden I realized I wasn't and I realized that all of this looked very similar to somebody who I didn't want to be which was my mother and I just remember feeling a deep sense of Shame and so I didn't say much because I was like it doesn't really matter I've said things before and I went upstairs and I remember I I took a shower and I got out and I was like I just don't want to be this person anymore you know like it's been long enough it's been two years I'm going down a route that I watched my mother go down that ruined her whole life and I thought it was really fun in games at first but it turned into something that was no longer fun um and I was like I just I I don't want to do this and I think I was so fed up with myself like looking at myself in the mirror I was disgusted with how much I weighed I was disgusted with the fact that I I knew I was smart and I wasn't doing anything about it I knew I was hard workking and I wasn't working hard I was just off and and honestly it's really weird because a lot of people like what did you do to change and I was like I just hated myself so much that in that moment it was like the pain of remaining who I was was much greater than the pain of changing and the pain of what it could possibly be like to change that at that point there was no choice it was like you have to you have to change yourself and that was the moment that I decided that I needed to make my life worth living and that was a PR promise I had made to myself when I was very little when I was dealing and and living in the house with my mom is I said I have to make it worth it and I was like you know you're not keeping that promise to yourself right now and you don't look anything like the person that you said you were going to be and so either feel bad for yourself like you have been and keep kicking the can down the road and what does your life look like in 5 years probably really like what if you gain another 100 PB what does that look like like when does it end when is enough enough seven arrests eight arrests 10 arrest you to prison like what does it look like and so I just said like now is my enough I'm done what was the first arrest for oh minor in possession got it yeah and what do they what was it like being arrested were you scared at the time because I imagine your first time has got to be terrifying how old were you when you were first arrested I think I was 17 17 and what what is it like like the cop comes up to you you have this dread in your body you feel weak and he's like okay and he cuffs you or something like that what was that experience like um I felt a shame because actually they were trying to make an example of me and so they normally when it's a minor possession they don't even like do much but because they were trying to make an example because of whatever there was like a whole it was a whole thing um they cuffed me in front of everybody and then walked me all the way across the parking lot into the car took me into the station did the whole Spiel with like taking your fingerprints pictures all that kind of stuff um and then called my parents and because I was 17 at the time and so honestly it's just complete shame and humiliation is what it is because um you know you think you're doing something cool and you think you're fitting in with people and then all of a sudden someone snaps you out of it and then just makes you look like a complete bad word yeah what made you different though because I I feel like a lot of people go down that path and they can never get out they can never Escape that the odds are not in your favor for sure like if you are going down that path you've been arrested a few times you're drinking a lot you're not in the gym you're leading you know I would say a nonproductive life people just usually spiral and I don't think it was necessarily what your dad said to you in the way that he said it that actually snapped you out of it it was something that you did because you decided to make that change at the end of the day I think at the end of the day when I look at people who change and people who don't it's what do you fear more and I think a lot of people are so afraid of their feelings of the fear of what if of the fear of the unknown of the fear of not drinking and not doing this and losing all these things but they're not able to weigh the the pain that they currently have and so I think for me something that I've always prided myself on is not being afraid of pain like emotional pain um because I I remember anchoring myself in that moment I was like nothing can be worse than what I dealt with in that house and so if I got through that when I was a kid with less coping mechanisms less skills less resources than I have now there's no way that I can't get myself out of this I am more capable I'm smarter I know know more I I have more capabilities I'm not a helpless child and so that is what I've always had to Anchor to because I don't think I've had anything in my life be harder than that was not because it wasn't harder because but because of relative skill at the time when I was a child that had to learn how to take care of herself and her mother who would disappear for weeks on end like that there's a big skill Gap there and so it's just like terrifying and so I remember in those moments I was I anchored to that it was like that was probably the most painful thing I could have gone through this can't be as bad as that although you know what before we go into that we got to do some quick math 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flexible financing program for just a few more weeks and to access it all you got to do is head over to netsuite.com again that's nets.com slist nets.com IED Down Below in the description thank you so much and now let's get back to the podcast so if you think fear is like the Pinnacle of all motivators do you think people can reprogram their fears or do you think that they're unable to to do that I think a lot of people what they do is they spend their life avoiding fear they running the opposite direction and then the first time that you're able to just grit your teeth and bear through it and and jump into it right then what happens is you then create a positive association with facing fear but a lot of people aren't willing to just take that first step now I think that I was forced to in many ways in the beginning of my life and so I was forced to confront fear of like being home alone taking care of myself like not knowing what to do with the dogs and the cats I'm like how do I do this how do I get clothes for myself like all these things that were unknowns and they felt scary when you were a kid but I was forced to do it because in my mind there was no other alternative I cannot tell anybody about my mother because I love her too much and I will not expose her to the world for what she is and what she's been doing and so I think that a lot of people when they don't have a situation that puts their back against the wall where they're forced to face the fear they have to learn to manufacture it because for example if I go you know there's lots of people watching this who have something they're scared of and they're like I just can't get over it I'm like do you think the mom that has two children to feed can't get over her fear of what whatever it is to feed them but she has responsibility and I think a lot of people are unwilling to take on responsibility but what responsibility does is it gives you a reason to face the fear and I think a lot of us we need a reason bigger than ourselves to face that fear and for me what I was able to Anchor to after that first time of basically being forced in my mind was I want to be that example for everybody else who doesn't have this like I haven't had an example right I didn't have a great mother example grp I didn't have all these things and so for me when I was a kid I was there was there was a night where my mom hadn't come home and I would always call her cuz I was like I just want her to answer so I know she's not dead like that was all it was and I'd called her probably 15 times and I was sitting there in my guest bedroom staring out the window it's like 3:00 a.m. and I remember very vividly it was I was using one of those phones it's like a cord phone with like the little twisty it was so ugly and she didn't pick up and I left a message I was like I just want you to let me know like are you okay like are you like do I need to call the cops and before I could finish the message I remember hanging up and I hung up because this like voice in my head was like it just not going to work like just just stop calling her like it's not going to change and when I had that moment I remember looking out the window and the first thought that popped in my head was like you need to be the woman that you do not have you need to make it worth it and that was the phrase that stuck with me which was like make this worth it make this pain that you have today worth something in the future and so when I deterred myself from that path and I was arrested and I was gained all that weight and I was going through that period of time I anchored back and I remembered that and I was like I I need to be that person because what else like what other reason do I have to live like truly though like a lot of people you know everyone has their own reason for why they are on earth I think that I've created my own reason but in my mind my reason has always been to make that pain worth something like you have to make the rest of your life better to justify the amount of pain that you went through at that age how's the relationship with your mom today I don't speak to her how how did that happen did you did you just decide at one point to cut her off no I tried to have a relationship for a very long time I loved my mother very much and she was very intelligent she was beautiful she was very sweet to when I was a kid but the alcohol and the drugs truly just changed her as a person you know I I think probably damaged her brain from a lot of what happened and for a long time I would say from the age of probably 16 to 26 I tried to have a relationship um I set boundaries I said I will see you on these holidays we will talk every two weeks we'll do all these things and I would show up for the holiday and she'd be drunk off her ass and pin me in a room and try smacking me in the face I would you know show up for Christmas and she's passed out drunk I and so it's just like time after time I was like you know I can take it and like I could deal with the pain of watching her like this like I've gotten used to it at this point right and I'm at this point I'm a teenager I'm like developing I'm like I'm not getting upset by watching these things happen um but it was actually when she started blaming me for her life that I realized it was really distracting me from living my own um the last time I spoke to her I was running gym launch and I said I would give it a shot basically the last time I'd seen her she had it was a holiday and this whole thing had happened drunk whatever all this stuff is drama I was just like every time I see you it's a negative experience like why why must it be this way like do you realize what you do like why why do you do this and she's like I you know and it would be like it would be good good good and then like something awful right and so I said you know let's try talking every couple weeks and then I will you know talk to you once every two weeks essentially and in between the two weeks there was time where she called me and I was on this charity trip actually and I was busy like legitimately 6:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. with all these charity things we were doing we were associated with very large charity years ago and I texted her I was like I I can't talk and also it hasn't been two weeks it's been like a few days and I'm not in the place where I can talk right now and have a conversation and I'll be honest the conversations weren't very pleasant because um she didn't really ask me any questions she just want to talk about her own life which I thought was very odd um um and so what ended up happening was she uh didn't respond to my text and then I got back from the trip and I got a text from my stepdad who I'm I'm not close with and it was like your mom's in the psych ward and I was like I'm like running a meeting and I'm like Jesus Christ and so after I finished I called him and I was like okay so what happened cuz my mother has gone to the hospital multiple times she's gone to rehab multiple times she's gone everywhere and he was like well you know your mom she like lost it and was saying and trying to I was like I don't even know what that means you've failed every time and so I mean seriously like it's like if you really wanted to you would do it and so I don't consider this to be like you want to die consider it you want attention yeah and so I was like okay and he was like it would have been nice if you just picked up the phone when she called and I was like what does that have to do with this and I remember he was like I think you know what it has to do with this and I was like no I don't I was like wait wait wait wait are you blaming me and he was like yeah he's like you're the reason your mother's like this and in that moment I was just so blown away I remember the thing I said to him I said honestly I feel like I'm talking to someone with the IQ of a kindergarten so I'm going to hang up now and I will communicate with my mother and so I hung up and I wrote my mother an email and I said I want to understand if you agree with this do you believe that you are the way you are because I do not want to associate with you and because I moved out of the house and did all these things and I remember her response which was she wouldn't say no I was like she called me she like I got your email and I was like so what's the answer and she was like well she's like it it's just it's horrible that you won't talk to me it's horrible that you've distanced yourself it's do you know what it's like to lose a child and I was like you know you know it's like to lose a mother um like I didn't say anything I'm just listening and then by the end she basically said yes I agree with what he said and I do think a lot of it's your fault and I still like my heart rate goes up because I remember what I said to her I said I just want you to know that if you yourself and succeed I will not feel bad and I will not think it's my fault because it is not I'm an adult you are an adult your life is not my responsibility this entire situation you took me when I was 9 years old and made me take care of you a 47y old woman I was like what you did made no sense and so I want you to know I accept zero responsibility over your life or your life you choose to end I do not want to talk anymore I wish you the best I I like want the best for you as a person but I can't do it and honestly saying that was the most freeing thing I think I've ever said in my life because it's like like this thing that was hanging over me of like her life is in my hands I mean when I was a kid it was like if I don't come home on time or if this it's very weird opposite right a lot of Alcoholics do this where essentially they make the person who's taking care of them feel bad and feel like things are their fault she would blame me you're why I'm miserable you're why I drink you know just always drunk saying things about like how I am the source of her misery and then I realized that that sense of victimhood never went away it only stayed there she didn't learn she didn't learn anything from all the years all the rehab all the therapy you still think it's me and my fault yet you want me to be in your life and I was like I can't think of anything worse that an enemy would do to me let alone a family member and I remember I hung up the phone and I told Alex I just said my life is worse with her in it and as much as I deeply would love to have a mother and I would deeply love for her to resolve everything I cannot subject myself to this I'm tired it's been a decade I can't keep doing this and if she succeeds I accept the guilt and the sadness I will feel that day and for many days thereafter but the pain that she is inflicting on me as I am alive and the things that she believes that I am the source of I can't have somebody like this in my life and do everything I want to do and be who I want to be and that was the last time I spoke to her one thing that's really interesting about that is you seem to be able to talk about it in a very matter of fact way this might be a little bit of a a blunt question but how healed would you say you are from that very and how were you able to do that a lot of people have something a little bit traumatic that happens to them earli in their life and it's actually interesting Alex says trauma is just very fast learning yeah um how were you able to to cross that bridge and finally be able to you know heal from that I think a lot of it has been one I'm not afraid to talk about it like I talk about it here I'll talk about it to anyone who wants to listen because or wants to ask me about it because I think that we normalize keeping people in our life who make our lives worse because they are called family or because they've been our friends for years and I firsthand am somebody who I don't want to say that I don't talk to my mother it's embarrassing to a degree and it makes me sound like I'm a bad daughter but I would rather be considered a bad daughter than have somebody in my life who blames me for their entire existence or or miserable part of their existence right whether it be consciously or subconsciously whenever whatever is happening at the time and so I think I went through a long period of time of realizing that my mother is a human just like anybody else she happens to be the person that gave birth to me would I choose to have a relationship with this person if she was not my mother the absolute answer was just no and and the other piece of it was you know looking at what what do I gain from I've tried to help her for 10 years and nothing has worked everything I have done the only things that have worked have been when I have left have been when I have said I'm going to stop enabling your behavior and um I think I think a lot of it was just being able to say I won't stand to be treated this way whether you're my mother or not and if I look back at all the things that happened I think that I gave her a lot of Grace for even trying for the 10 years I did because it was a really tough 10 years and you know I think the reason that we give people chances because there is it's not like it's all negative right there's a positive in there as well but when over time the negative continues to get worse not better that's when I'm like if this continues this way it's only going to get worse and what would happen every time is I would something would get better for a minute and then I would hold on and it would get worse worse wor and all of a sudden it's 80% bad and maybe a 20% glimpse of good and it was just all consuming honestly it was very allc consuming and and I think I've just accepted that I'm okay with how people will judge me for it because I think one a lot of it is people don't want to talk about this stuff because they're afraid of getting judged and I'm okay with it you know people always say the same thing what are you going to do when she dies probably feel really [ __ ] sad I still I mean I would be lying if I said I don't sometimes question like do I want to try and reach out at some point do I want to do this of course my brain goes there because like there was that person I had for nine years who was really great um but I've also made peace with the fact that the person that I knew for those nine years that were really good that person has died and so the person I know now does not exhibit love in a way that I wish to receive it what's interesting is you seem to be able to rationalize your healing with logic but a lot of people even if logic goes against what they're doing that's not enough to rationalize changing like how are you able to use logic to say I have Road a road B Road a is what might feel good and it might be a little bit of like an emotional Journey but Road B is logical and I think over time I'll be better off there A lot of the times people pick Roe a yeah the emotional part is so much more powerful too I mean that's probably 10x what logic could do yeah why are you able to take the logical route which if most people just followed the logic they would be better off I mean I would say virtually everybody if they just followed logic they'd be better off but they don't honestly I think it's because of her you know I watched her ruin her own life because she gave into her emotions my mother could probably have accomplished and still accomplished very similar things to what I do she was smart she was beautiful she was kind she was hilarious like she's a very Dynamic person person and she let some of the same things that I have like the you know I have a tendency to very get like very stressed and anxious and have like really weird thoughts and things she didn't I don't think I don't think she had the skills to manage those things and so when I watched her growing up give in to a lot of her emotions I watched it ruin a marriage I watched it ruin her relationship with my sister I watched it ruin her relationship with her friends I watched it then ruin her relationship with herself and her health and then I watched it ruin her relationship with me the only person who never hurt her and all of it stemmed down to avoiding her emotions and if anything succumbing to fear you know she was everything if you tie it back to somebody that's you know an alcoholic and in drugs and like it's all fear-based they're just trying to cope with the things that we all feel in life and they don't know how and I think a lot of it had been espe in the beginning like I want to be the opposite of that and so a lot of what I've inspired like what I was at first motivated to do was be the complete opposite of her what I'm now motivated to do is be the version of myself that I see in the future so it has changed but I think a lot of it stemmed from seeing that that didn't work it didn't work for her it didn't work for her family that also had their own issues and it it just doesn't and and I think I'm lucky because when I was young um you know my dad put me in uh children of Alcoholics Anonymous and the one concept that I learned there that I think was what gave me a lot of strength when I finally like left was they talk about enabling and that when somebody acts in an adverse way say like they're drinking and you don't let them feel the impact of that which was I would throw out her booze I would hide them I would call my dad and say everything's okay I would take care of the animals because she wasn't feeding them I would let the dogs out I would clean the house I would do all these things right she' at night out all this stuff would break everywhere I'd clean all up before she woke up and I realized when I was understanding that is that if you don't allow someone to experience the consequences right if they touch a hot stove and don't get burned they'll touch it again and a lot of what I was doing without knowing when I was a child was I was enabling her because I loved her and I didn't want her to be in pain I saw she was in pain clearly a lot of emotional pain and so I wanted her to get out of it and so I would try to buffer all the things around and that's that's how I grew up quickly cuz I tried to take care of her but then I realized that was just allowing her to remain in this place and instead I needed to let her feel the consequences for herself and so you know when I finally ended up uh calling the police what that day when she was like I'm myself and then knowing what would happen thereafter I was like I won't go back because she needs to feel the consequences because if she if there's any like glimmer of hope that she changes then she has to feel the consequences of this how do you recommend people change their own lives if they feel unfulfilled if they feel like they're in a situation where they're stuck or they can't get ahead what is your advice to those people I think a lot of people when they're at a point where they want to change their lives they have to change their relationship with their thoughts and feelings I think that's where it all stems from because a lot of the times the reason that somebody can't change their life is because they have a really shitty relationship with their thoughts and feelings I mean I know I did at when I was at the point where I wasn't changing my life which was you know thinking that a thought all thoughts are true that's an example of one uh also like believing that my feelings are directives um and so we think when I'm nervous I should not do something you know if I have a thought that I could fail I shouldn't try right and it's almost this weird process of unlearning some of the old sayings that people say like trusting your gut and doing all this things that hasn't worked for me very well if I trusted my gut I wouldn't be doing half the I do right now so um I think a lot of it is understanding and educating yourself on the realities of how the brain works how feelings Works how all those things because that's honestly what I've done like I've studied more behavioral psychology than I have business because that's how I've helped myself be in a position where I can actually even lead people confidently um because I can manage my own thoughts and feelings and I think a lot of people can't change their lives because they what's standing in the way is not some force of freaking nature or a person standing there it's their thoughts it's their feelings that they're afraid of they're afraid it might come true they're afraid that they're going to feel really really bad and that it might never go away there it's all these irrational fears it's never logic and so the only way to overcome something that is not logical is to understand the in my opinion how it actually works how do thoughts actually work how do feelings actually work when I educated myself on those things I finally was like oh my God it's normal these things that are happening to me these feelings I'm experiencing they're normal my reaction is what the problem is not the thoughts of the feelings themselves my reaction to run and hide from them is actually what's causing my entire life of problems it's the reason why I'm not achieving my dreams not the actual thoughts or feelings themselves it's not like successful people and unsuccessful people have different thoughts and feelings is that they respond to them differently does that make sense one of my favorite things that I've ever heard on a podcast I don't know if it was you or Alex but it was a story about you how you guys were walking together someone bumped you and said watch out [ __ ] and you laugh like oh you think I'm skinny and then people whenever I talk to somebody about thoughts and feelings and how you only allow something to impact you based off of what you label it as good or bad I always bring up that example because I think it's like it's perfect it's perfect um on that note I want to know because it's unbelievable to think that you've studied behavioral psychology more than you've studied business especially when we walk into this headquarters and we see just like how EXP TR what have you learned in behavioral psychology that's helped youly with running aonic process Theory which is it can apply to a lot of things in life for example if you want a thought to get bigger run away from it if you want a feeling to get bigger run away from it if you want something to get smaller you run towards it um if you want to relax don't try to relax if you want like basically most things in life actually require much less effort than we think and so a lot of the times what you see is like people are very confused as to like why am I feeling anxious and they believe that the reason that they're feeling anxious is because they have these thoughts it's not because they have the thoughts it's because they then do something once they have the thought because they teach themselves the thought is bad by saying oh don't think that thought and I'm going to go do something else instead I'm going to go drink right and then what they do is they train themselves to be scared of a thought same goes for feelings right someone feels anxious they feel stressed they feel mad they go and they go out uh and this is actually one that is probably much more common it's more like socialized like some people go and they're like I'm going for a run right and then why do people get hooked on running because they're they've taught themselves that in order to avoid feeling anxious they must run and you see people get hooked on exercise and it's like normal I like oh yeah I only work on five hours a day uh but I'm a fitness trainer right it's like actually you're um okay anyways I've done that one uh and so it's really think things require a lot less effort than you think it's just that the effort it requires is that Split Second of feeling terrified at first and so I have this phrase I tell myself very frequently which is do the opposite it's like I need to do the opposite of what my natural inclination is because my natural inclination is always to survive which means run and hide from scary things and what do we label as scary is thoughts and feelings that we don't like and so I always just have trained myself do the opposite and and the reason that this has helped me so much I think in business is because I understand how people's brains work I know when I tell them something when they have a certain thought or have a certain feeling I can help coach them through it because I'm constantly coaching myself through it you know what I mean and I think there's different tactics that I use to help myself and help others um to get over that stuff but a lot of the times I think um in terms of understanding what you need to do I think once you understand that running away from something actually makes it worse right and bigger and avoiding a fear also makes it bigger then the next question is well how do you change it right and I think the first step that I would just give as advice to a lot of people and what I try with people on my team is just get space from it a lot of times you get a thought you get a feeling and then you have an automatic urge to do something it could be bingi it could be go on a run it could be drink it could be do a drug right instead just sit for five minutes and guess what happens if you [ __ ] sit for five minutes that [ __ ] goes away you're like oh I'm hungry I want a snack oh wait wait I was thinking about something scary you know but eventually it moves on and so I think what I've learned is one thoughts and feelings pass whether you want them to or not and whether you do something about it or not a lot of people think you have to do something to get rid of a negative no that shit's going to go away no matter what you do but like you train yourself to think you have to do something to get rid of something and then I think the second piece to it is just taking a small step in the direction of the negative thought or the negative emotion because what will soon happen is it will actually turn into a positive Association so I an example right which is a lot of people are scared of going to the gym right they get super scared of going to the gym they're like I'm so nervous I haven't been to the gym I I look fat in my thing I work out they get all nervous and sweaty right this was me when I was overweight and so what happens is you go to the gym the first few times you're really nervous what happens after just like five days after five days I like going to the gym that is how quickly we can change fear like that is how quickly think about how many people are terrified of speaking on stage and they speak on stage once and then twice and then by the third time they're like I can't get enough of this right and so the same thing goes if you look at people with like phobias of animals and spiders they end up like getting a [ __ ] tarantal for a pet because all of a sudden they you you feel the sense of euphoria that you realize this thing that you've been terrified of is nothing at all and then suddenly you're like I actually want more of it but before we go into that this section is sponsored by Range Rover Sport because as I'm sure you guys are aware I'm an absolute fanatic when it comes to cars I even have one on display in my office and if you're looking for a sport spting luxury car that's powerful on the road Dynamic by Design and truly embodies the essence of Automotive Excellence then let me introduce you to something special the Range Rover Sport the third generation Range Rover Sports is the most desirable Advanced and dynamically capable yet it leads by example with powerful on-road performance and commanding allterrain capability with its striking design and unmistakable presence it is the epitome of both luxury and performance combined inside you'll notice Advanced Technologies like active noise cancellation cabin air purification and the award-winning pivi Pro infotainment system that provides complete intuitive control over the entire vehicle oh and by the way Graham talk about those massage seats oh yeah you're also going to be driving in complete comfort with the optional 22-way adjustable heated and ventilated electric memory front seats with massage function it is just absolutely insane and you could start designing your Range Rover Sport today at landroverusa.com again that's landroverusa.com or the link is also down Below in the description so thank you again to Range Rover Sport for sponsoring this video which is absolutely mindblowing to say because as a kid I always admired their vehicles and to be able to be in this position today is incredible so thank you so much go and spec out your Range Rover Sport today even just for fun see if you like it thank you so much and now let's get back to the episode this thing that you've been terrified of is nothing at all and then suddenly you're like I actually want more of it and what do you say to the people who overthink things who get in that like negative thought spiral of they they have something they're worried about and they start thinking about it and ruminating on it and trying to work through it and it just consumes them the number one thing for people who are overthinkers is that more thinking isn't going to solve the problem I'm like the queen of overthinking like when Alex met me bless his soul I mean like I'm very good at what I do because I care a lot but I also overthink the crap out of everything or at least I did I actually don't think I do so much anymore and so what I realize is that there's one thing which is I can distract myself from the overthinking in the short term in the short term I will distract myself by forcing myself to do something else so for example whenever I like would have a really scary thought come up about something but it was irrational it's like maybe it's uh you know when I first started doing speaking and I was going to speak on stage I would get terrified I have these like wash over me of anxiety my heart rate would go up all these things and instead I was like okay I'm going to tackle this big project right now because I have this fear that keeps popping up I'm going to make myself focus on that instead that's an example of something that I would do to make sure I'm not overthinking because the thinking is leading nowhere right it's just me worrying now and later rather than just later when I would rather save myself from doing it now right um and I think the second thing with overthinking is a lot of people have this bias for thinking rather than a bias for action and so when you're overthinking something the best thing that you can do again is take a small step in direction of uncertainty because a lot of times the reason we overthink things is we think that we have to be certain in order to do something and so we keep overthinking thinking I'm going to solve it I'm going to get a sense of certainty before I move forward but the reality is certainty doesn't even exist it's just almost like a concept we make up in our brains like there's no certainty we don't even know if we're going to be here tomorrow I could get hit by a car and so when I realize that a lot of overthinking is actually seeking certainty and there is no certainty then I was like well then I should just try it out like test the theory and so uh we have like a saying in the company which is like let's test it and I do that with a lot of things in life like [ __ ] it I'll just try it right if it's terrible and awful I will feel pain in the moment and then I will just not do again right um and that's a way that I'm able to kind of trick myself into doing something rather than continue to think about something because I think a lot of people waste their lives overthinking rather than getting into action now you mentioned before six life cheat codes to get ahead do you remember what those are yeah um this is a compilation of a few different uh Behavioral Science books that I read and so I actually presented the concept to my team and then thought it would make a good YouTube video because I felt like it was worth sharing I'm going to go hard on one concept cuz I think it's the most important which is um or actually two probably thought diffusion so if you look at somebody who is compulsive what does compulsive mean it means that typically when a thought pops up they take action immediately for a lot of people people can get this to work in their favor um and for a lot of other people it doesn't work in their favor they have a a moment where a thought pops up I'm kind of hungry and then they eat an entire bag of chips it's how people get overweight they have a thought pop up like I'm really stressed I want a drink they just go take a drink it's not that other people don't have those thoughts pop up but it's that we don't act on them and so when you look at somebody who's gotten themselves into a place in their life that is not productive you know say they're overweight they're drinking a lot they're doing drugs whatever it is that they're doing right their life is not going the way they want to go because of a behavior they are exhibiting the first place that you can start is from diffusing a thought from an action and so what that means is this person is usually compulsive uh if you look at a binge eater for example it's like the moment they feel stressed a lot of times I binge at some point in my life it's like they it's like they can't help but keep eating right it's like this compulsion the thought I want to keep eating I want to keep eating it tastes good I feel so full but I want to keep eating and they keep doing it the only difference between that person and you is that you might have that thought but you just don't keep eating and so thought diffusion is just literally separating your thought from an action and so for a lot of people again that have is issues in life they're not able to separate a thought from an action they take thoughts as directives if I think I'm hungry I should eat if I want to drink I should have a drink if I think about this thing then I should do this other thing it's almost like you've trained yourself just like a dog when it hears sit it sits you've trained yourself that when you have this thought you take this action and so to diffuse a thought the first step is to create space from the thought to recognize that is just a sentence in your mind it is not control over you is not the all saying power over your life it is just a sentence in your mind it doesn't even need to be true in fact most of the time they're very false and so for me thought diffusion is recognizing when I have a thought in my mind usually it's one that immediately promotes some kind of like cortisol right I'm like oh the moment I have that thought I'm like oh [ __ ] I'm stressed right and then I'm like [ __ ] okay let's not avoid that thought let's not do anything about it let's look at it do you think this thought is true I'm like I don't know it could be and and then I go through the process of essentially weighing out the evidence how how certain are you that this thought is true like are you 100% certain 110% certain is it absolutely true in every scenario it's like and you basically have to start arguing with yourself against the thought to realize that most thoughts can be disproved and then you start to build up a case for evidence where it's like essentially I start then saying what are all the reasons this thought isn't true what are all the things I've experienced in my life that would tell me this thought that I'm having is not true and the reason you do that is not to give yourself this crazy reassurance to feel better it's to then contextualize the thought and see it for what it is it could be true it could be not true it is just a thought that I have in my mind and if you go through this process of essentially being like both sides of the court against this thought what happens by the end of this like couple minutes of doing this is you suddenly see the thought separate from yourself you recognize it as a sentence in your mind not a part of who you are and then with that allows you to do is to get Space to say what's the best course of action to take based on this thought what's going to like is this going to make my life better or worse tomorrow if I eat that bag of chips right now is this going to make my life better or worse tomorrow if I act on this thought if I do anything about it because what do we also know is that if you act on a thought whether it's a good or a bad thing you reinforce the thought to happen again so a lot of people like I don't know I can't stop thinking about this thing because you've reinforced it in some way whether it's trying to avoid it or it's trying to do something about it lots of thoughts just need to be left the [ __ ] alone that's a crazy thought you know what I mean yeah I have that all the time I I mean literally today I was like this morning was like the first morning in like months where I was like damn I've got a lot ofed up thoughts going on I was just like I had the urge to do something anything to not to like Escape what were some of the thoughts like could you give us an example of like what's going through your head I'll give you an example of something it could be it could be like um I'm so nervous about this test I have coming up I don't even know like how I'm G to get through it I'm gonna fail and all these things and then it's like what are you g to do about that thought right and I think a lot of times what I've just realized is that once you get space from it and you've diffused it the next question is what do you do about it and a lot of the times the answer is nothing and we live in this Society where we think that we have to do something about our thoughts and a lot of times we just need to leave them the [ __ ] alone and let them be what they are and they will pass and new ones will come and what about for the people who have the oppos opposite problem of procrastination they just can't get themselves to take action or do anything how do you tackle that problem I would say that for somebody who's procrastinating you actually want to do the opposite which is you want to fuse a thought with an action um and so for somebody who constantly procrastinates first off I'll say a lot of times they say it's laziness I don't think that's true I think that procrastination there's usually three things you're trying to either avoid anxiety uh boredom or you're rebelling okay so when somebody needs to do something say your boss says this project at work there's usually three reasons why you avoid it either one it makes you feel anxious so doing it would cause anxiety so you avoid doing it because you don't want to feel anxious second is that it bores you right like it's not stimulating and it's not exciting and so you don't want to engage with it and so you procrastinate it because there's more stimulating things you could do with your time right it's like if you have a project or something for work but you have this way more exciting thing it's like ah [ __ ] it I'll put that one off cuz I don't really actually like it and then the last one is rebellious which is somebody else in an author Authority manner has like said this is what I would like you to do whether it be a boss whether it be a partner whether it be a spouse and you don't want to do it and so what do people do when they Rebel is they just put something off as long as possible to punish the person until like the last possible moment when they could do it and so I do think for the most part procrastination is actually just it's the same thing if you break it down like we don't not do something because of zero thoughts or feelings like there are thoughts or feelings they're just usually in my opinion procrastination is usually avoidance of some and so it's like by doing this thing I will experience one of these negative emotions therefore I would like to put off doing it because I would like not like to experience those thoughts or emotions and what would you do if you were starting over today with zero dollars and you wanted to make a million how would you do that only I'm kidding I saw that one I I said something on S only I was like Jesus Christ uh I even show my [ __ ] shoulders um you know I mean you're not wrong though I think for a lot of only fans would be probably one of the faster ways to do it if you want to make a ton of money I just it's not like go into like a niche like find an unserved category with you should do that gr it might make a lot of money I bet you there's some people that like shirts that look like towels I love this shirt I do too it's actually really cool shirt you know I I have nothing against it like I people do what they want to do it's just like not for me so I I don't even think I could do feet I think I'm I have Alex even knows like so is my team like I've even had a hard time on social media just like wearing what I like to wear because you [ __ ] shoulder like yeah feet but for the right price because there's always an argument to be had about that people come to me they say Jack this you know I'll pay you so and so amount for feet picks I've gotten anywhere from are you for real yeah oh this has happened multiple times yeah like yeah someone wanted to even buy Jack shoes uhhuh and he was I posted on my Instagram $100 it they said they would buy me a new pair of shoes yeah yeah why do they like your feet so much I don't know I have weird feet too cuz I got like hairy legs but I have a tree line so you know how like in mountains how like it goes above a certain elevation and there's no trees okay that's what I have where it's like hairy legs and then no hair on my feet maybe some people like that but that's besides the point I've had many offers for feet picks for buying my shoes and stuff like that it's a thing people like it and for the right price I probably would sorry selling shoes I mean you could donate those he I know he was trying to get me to sell I was trying to make sure the guy was like legit actually going to pay you know it's like a real customer and isn't like that weird weird interesting it's it's weird but you want to make sure there's like a line drawn it's like yeah yeah that's fair I think it's like for me it's it's just like I don't know so the it's I don't know is there a there got to be a price a price there got to be a price yeah mean there I'll tell you with a real talk which I told Alex I said the only time I'll show my body is If Sports Illustrated says they want me on the cover that's a pretty good yeah and so like I work out I have a good body I'm just not going to show up for [ __ ] Instagram okay okay what do you think about this cuz this was controversial recently and I know we're getting a little bit off topic here Sports Illustrated had a model that took the cover of their magazine that was a little bit on the bigger side and for a long time on the cover of Sports Illustrated it was always like very very fit people with the idealistic generally accepted you know attractive body what do you think about something like that well I'll say this I'm an advocate of showing healthy bodies um I'm not an advocate of normalizing obesity which is one of the like number one ways that you can actually like there's not much more that's worse for your your health than being obese and as somebody who was considered actually technically obese I feel like I can talk about that 100 pounds heavier than this yeah that's so bees um and so I think for me it's like Towing the line like do women always look like rails who have no fat and all ripped and no and that's probably not healthy for them to look like that all the time and I think you know if she gains 15 pounds like how much like she's still very attractive right um but I think when you're towing the line like let's say that un let's contort reality and say that unhealthy is healthy I'm not okay with that because I do know that that actually takes the to on your body and your lifespan and your quality of life and so I don't really think promoting that is ideal I don't I don't think that's something I wouldn't promote to my children I would not promote to the younger Society I don't know why you would want to promote anything I don't care that it's being fat just like why would you want to promote anything that is unhealthy for people to other people that's a good point I see I don't know if you've seen these but people will go on planes and they'll ask for like if you go to this Airline you can actually get two seats for the price of one if you say that you're like above a certain weight or that you need it because of your obesity and people are like oh you're so beautiful just the way you are but if you need two seats on an airplane you're probably morbidly obese and that you know obviously a lot of people contend that and well I I just think coming as somebody who was very overweight like it's not a disease mhm but we treat it like like one we treat it like something that people can't do anything about and that keeps them stuck that's not helping them like when I was overweight like people treating me like I was a victim of my weight didn't help me get healthy that helped me stay stuck and so like I'm an advocate of helping people make their lives better and get healthier and so like normalizing that I am viscerally opposed to because that does not help anybody and I do not think it empowers people to actually change their lives for the better do I expect women to look perfect absolutely not I don't look perfect and so I think there's a very a difference and people go to like one extreme or the other it's like just because I'm saying I don't want to normalize obesity does not mean I'm saying everyone should look like a Victorious Secret model you know like I I I also that's arguably unhealthy right it's like either end can be right and so I think again I'm an advocate of healthy I don't know what the person on the cover looked like um I just don't really understand why we're I don't know what the whole deal is with like normalizing things that are not actually good for you I've seen like from my perspective I've seen like the Men's Health uh magazine covers like growing up and to me that just seemed like inspirational it seemed like the Pinnacle of discipline and hard work and like Decades of effort that would go into just that one photo so to me it's like I took that as a positive I never looked at anything like that but I looked at that as something like it is it it's heavily motivational when people tell you that you being overweight is not your fault and it's genetic and that it's you're predisposed and that you have a disease it's not fair that somebody else looks that way I think it toes the line I think there can be like thyroid issues and things that are beyond your control uh so few things yeah I think that's a like that's a pretty small it like if if everyone's been telling you your entire life that you are a product of your environment and there's nothing you can do about it it's an immutable thing uh then the only rational next step is acceptance which is really interesting so you can't necessarily blame those people if everyone around them like you said you post a video about needing two belts on a plane and getting two seats for free and everyone's like oh this is so amazing or whatever uh like you just see that and you're like okay well this is good I can accept the fact that I can't change this yeah I mean I I trained I was a personal trainer for I don't even know how many years before gym launch and so like I worked with many people who were clinically obese and you know there's a lot of other stuff that goes into it in terms of like I mean I can't tell you how many people I know in the fitness industry and then they're like this person is telling me they're following the meal plan this I'm like no no no ask them what they eat when nobody's looking okay because that's what they do uh I did it as well so I know um and again I say this because like I have had my firstand experience which is like people lie to themselves you know and of course there are the edge cases where somebody does have a medical issue I am not speaking to that but like a lot of people lie to themselves and that's what gets you stuck in those situations and it keeps you there and so me ly to you doesn't help you get out of it how much of that do you think is mental versus physical output if someone's overweight and they're trying to lose weight and they're trying to get in shape what explain mental versus physical output uh mental could be having a mental issue or having mental roadblocks that prevent them from achieving their goals I think that most of the time it's behavioral issue with eating like you don't get obese from not working out you get really big from eating compulsively and so in my opinion um a lot of it is compulsive eating it's just every time you have a negative thought every time this thing occurs every time you're at this party you overeat right and then you you normalize the sense or the feeling of feeling overly full and so a lot of it comes down to just I wouldn't even say it's mental I would say it's behavioral because a lot of people think oh it's I have to resolve this unresolved trauma for when I was a child and my father said I was fat guess what everyone told me I was [ __ ] fat when I was a kid I didn't need to go back and redo my [ __ ] life to lose weight I just needed to stop putting [ __ ] in my mouth like for real though it's like I don't need to go resolve my trauma with my mother I just need to now as an adult what happens is like maybe something that when we were younger created this maladaptive behavior when we were 15 but we've taken that behavior and we've done it for 10 years do we need to change a situation or do we need to change the behavior that we adapted to from the situation we need to take the behavior we don't need to worry about the situation or why it happened we just need to change the behavior that resulted from that situation we cannot change the past so here's an interesting thought it seems like people are gaining more weight now than they did 20 or 30 years ago how much of that is purely the food that we eat is so bad it's so processed there's so much sugar injected into everything in my opinion it's actually just the quantity of food because you can eat processed food I'm not saying you're going to feel the same and I'm not saying your gut is going to feel good and all that stuff but like you're not going to necessarily gain weight you will be inflamed so like I think a lot of people can flate these they say oh I I eat these processed foods and I immediately gain weight you gained water weight because you are inflamed because you are more likely to be allergic and have sensitivities to process food and so like if I go out and eat McDonald's tonight I'm probably going to blow up 5 lbs because of the sodium and the processed food and the fact that bothers my stomach but I'm not going to like actually have gained 5 pounds if I ate an entire head of broccoli that's 1,000 calories it's going to do the same thing to my body as a th calories of McDonald's in terms of weight not in terms of all the other things and so for me I I think it's just the quantity of the food that we're eating and actually I think a lot of the diet culture has actually it works against us in a way because a lot of people what they've done is they if you look at the volume of food that we eat compared to like 30 years ago like look at someone's like how much Foods on their plate what even happens now with diet culture is that they're teaching you how to eat things that look like more calories than they are so for example there's like a lot of recipes online where they create these ice creams that have like 200 calories but it's huge because you put xantham gum in it however you say it um one that hurts your stomach like a [ __ ] but two you're teaching yourself to be insanely full it's like this sense where you're very full but you're not satiated and so then those same people what if you go and you eat actual real ice cream in that quantity and I've seen that happen a lot for people too and at the end of the day I think it's just better to learn P portion control and like you don't necessarily need to feel full to stop eating and I think a lot of people don't understand that that not feeling full is not unhealthy and feeling hungry is also not unhealthy in fact most people who are at a healthy body weight feel hungry a lot more of the time and so you know when I was overweight it was like I never actually felt truly hungry but like when I'm at a healthy weight like a very healthy BMI I feel hungry I don't know two-thirds of the day and so especially because like I lift weights pretty hard so like you're that kind of increases your uh desire to eat and so I think a lot of it comes down to just like what we think an actual portion of food is and how much we're eating volume wise one thing I want to talk about about that specifically is Graham and I I don't think we could relate any more than to with what you just said it's like we both have talked about this before our love for the feeling of being full oh man it is my absolute favorite that's why we go to all you can eat sushi that's why I love waddling out of that restaurant so and you feel horrible but so happy and I don't know why there could be such a dissonance between how your brain feels and how your body feels in that moment so it's something I've been working on lately and I've been cutting down like you said the volume of food that I've been eating so it's kind of a coincidence we're talking about this now and I'm hungry right now and I'll probably L recoil at line between you know teaching standard dieting practices and good dieting practices and then taking that to the extreme where people start to develop Eating Disorders stuff of that nature how do you balance like the two like if people have a naturally like a bad gut reaction to that what would you tell them I've been to both ends of the spectrum you know when I was in high school uh for a period of time like I did not eat I ate 300 calories a day and I ran8 miles uh I then like would make myself throw up when I was in college I I mean like I've gone through the whole Gambit uh and I was also really fat and so like I've gone through the entire thing and I think um where I've come to now is a place that I really like which is like I don't think about food that much I eat to fuel my body and I accept that it's okay to feel hungry and I think a lot of it came from realizing that people use food for a lot of things and very seldom is it to just nourish their body um and I also don't really care a ton if I undereat one day or if I overeat one day I think it'll balance out over a week or a month and so I think I just like try to pay less attention to it because like I'll actually just put like this I looked at it and I was just like after being in the fitness for Fitness industry for a while and I was like dude I don't want to spend my life thinking about [ __ ] calories and food like not that I don't want to be healthy like I now could calculate a calorie like I counted on my fitness pal for 12 years straight I mean Alex saw the streak 12 freaking years on my fitness pal um I know enough now but like I don't want to spend my life overthinking food uh and I think we have this weird culture now where like people make entire livings off of overthinking about food they're like what did you what's in that orange oh did you know what's in this oh my God there's the Satur oils did you hear about this St it's like oh my God I don't give a [ __ ] what if I don't care if I live two years less what if I don't cuz I I I don't think about that stuff I think the time that I would waste think about all of it I'd rather just lose those at the end of my life CU I don't want to waste them being this weirdo who's like completely obsessed with [ __ ] organic toilet paper um which is like where I see people going nowadays and so not to say it's weird but like it's just like is that what you want to spend your time on with all these issues and all these things on earth and all these things you could do with your freaking time and you want to talk about [ __ ] calories you know what I mean like and like to a degree that's not like Oh Let's help you lose weight but like nitpicking about them and I think that's that's where I got to I just got fed up with it I was like I I just don't want to think about this at all I'm just going to do what I want to do I'm going to eat what I want to eat might vary a little bit each day but I'm just not going to think about it and I think for a lot of people in terms of there's like the side of the industry which is you know seems unhealthy like oh you you know you're undereating or OIC or all these things and the other side where it's like normalizing too much I think I mean I encourage people to try everything with open mind I mean and that's what I'll say is like try all of it if you want find what works for you at the end of the day calorie deficit can be doing keto it can be vegetarian it can be you know eating [ __ ] candy you can be in a calorie deficit um and so just find what works for you and what aligns with your goals in life I I honestly hate the industry and I even we're talking about it and there's going to be Clips I'm like because people are so dogmatic they're like well you're wrong it's like how am I wrong about this if it aligns with what I want in life and so I think for people they have to figure out what they want what's important to them not everyone wants to be jacked not everyone wants to be super skinny not everyone wants to you know cares if they live an extra 10 years uh because they would rather enjoy cake and so at the end of the day you know even what I said about like normalizing obesity if somebody came to me and they were like I'm fine with the fact that I'm going to die 20 years earlier because my weight I'd be like all right [ __ ] it I ain't got nothing to say like you know I assume that you want to live longer but like if you don't okay you know I I don't know I just like people can do whatever they want and I don't care if anyone listens to my advice although really quick before we go into that as I'm sure you could tell over these last few months we've spent a lot of money bringing you these episodes we've traveled across the country multiple 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somebody is over their diet I correlate with their intelligence I what you're defensive what if they're so right that's why they're defensive maybe they're right for themselves but they might not be right for everybody I mean I don't know many incredibly smart people who spend their day trolling online arguing with people so like I I think they would be doing something else at their time and so for me it's just like I the more defensive somebody is over something the more it's just like I because there's so many things that I know or I know people in the diet industry know and they know like the source of Truth and everything and then it's just like they're like What's the [ __ ] point because it's like a lot of people just are swayed by the things that they're reading and the articles that they think are legit and the studies they think are correct but the half the [ __ ] studies aren't even conducted correctly half of them the variables aren't even controlled you can't trust studies anymore yeah so it's just like I don't know uh it's just feels like a giant um waste of potential of a lot of really smart people to be arguing about if I eat eggs or fish so if you were starting over with nothing I would not go into Fitness a little bit of a tangent yeah so if you're starting over with nothing 0 how would you become successful step by step 0 do I have my skills yeah I would say so or do you think for the okay let's make it more for the average viewer so if they want to do something you have the average skills of the average person yeah I would get into sales um I think I would first go and I would go somewhere that had the uh highest ability to earn commission um and I would learn sales I mean like I think at the end of the day like if you have no skills and you're starting from scratch uh whether you want to build a business whether you want to have a job whether you want to make and if you especially if you want to make a million dollars like the fundamental skill that you want to learn is how to sell something in my opinion um and so I would I would find a job in sales and then I would probably figure out if I could just sell it myself eventually um I don't know what it would be I mean like Car Sales is like what my default was if like it didn't work out with La I was like I just sell cars you know like something but I think it's like it's the highest leverage skill I think you can learn when you are that young like I have seen so many people I'll tell you right now like in terms of people that are within our portfolio team like within all the companies everything the highest performing closer uh or like salesperson whatever you want to call them right um 18 years old 18 highest performing what makes him so good his character he just does the work it's like he shows up early he stays late he makes extra calls he takes the calls nobody else wants to take he just takes the leftovers and so I think that's what makes him so good and I think for me the reason I would I would go into sales if I was starting again from scratch and just learn that skill is because I don't really I feel like it teaches you so many fundamentals about business like I it's not like I've ever stopped selling I sell now you know employees on the vision of the company I sell Partners on the vision of working together I sell I'm just not like selling customers and so um I think it teaches influence it teaches hard work it teaches capacity like it expands someone's work capacity um and notice I didn't say that I would start over from scratch building something on my own because I actually think like a way to Lea frog yourself is to learn from others like working for other people prior to having my own business if I had not done that I do not think I would have been able to succeed as I had because I had models of what good looked like watched them fail I got to learn from their experiences like I got to watch them make mistakes and then not make those for myself and so like it's funny because somebody asked me it was like two days ago they were like oh something you always want to be an entrepreneur I was like I want to be part of a something big I want to be part of a team and like I've actually accepted that maybe to get to my goals of where I really want to go I'm going to have to take on more partners and I'm going to have to have less of a stake in what I own and like that means like again it goes to a different uh it's almost like losing freedom in order to gain your goal and uh I'm never afraid to do that and I think in the beginning when you're first starting out um I think the goal should be to learn not to have the ultimate amount of Freedom if that makes sense yeah do you think anybody could make it in sales I think that you need to have a capacity to accept rejection so for me I think the reason that like a lot of I think for example the reason there's a lot more men in sales in women is because women have been socialized that in a way that they get less rejection than men more men exper exp rejection just think about in the dating world right you've probably been said no too many times you because you go approach women no I'm Kidd yeah no absolutely but what do women do they don't even go half the time approach men they just wait for men to come to them and they don't have to be rejected and so I think that's why fundamentally there's a lot more male sales people than women but I think that you know the women I do know that are in sales I mean they kill it and a lot of them they're very thick skinned they don't care if somebody says no and uh they're very driven and so I I just think a lot of it has to do around how socialized um you know for me it was more just like I didn't have a fear of what was going to happen if somebody said no which is why I felt like it was okay I did watch a lot of people who failed and they were just terrified of the no and again I think it's like you have to aim for the no because the more NOS you get the closer you get to a yes and so for people who are constantly trying to avoid getting said no to they also avoid success what's one of the biggest mistakes people make in sales thinking that sales tactics and hacks and tricks will mask lack of conviction at the end of the day if you look at the best sales people the best sales people are often people who own the [ __ ] company why is that because they have the most conviction about it they truly believe in what they're doing let you hope so right and I think a lot of what I see out there about sales like I I actually don't talk about it much because I think the reason I was good at sales is I always believed in what I was selling I was selling in the very beginning for many years weight loss and I knew how to help people lose weight and I was passionate about it because I had been there and I realized how horrible it feels to not want to look at yourself in the mirror to literally run away from years to never turn the lights on when you're naked like I experienced all that pain myself and so I truly wanted to help people and I was convicted like this is the way you got to do it and so what I see nowadays though is like a lot of tactics and tricks meant to manufacture conviction manufacture urgency manufactur scarcity because the product actually sucks and because you don't actually believe in what you're doing and so I think the worst mistake you can make is to sell something that sucks to sell something you don't believe in and to work at a company where you don't actually feel passionate about what they're doing um because it shows and all of those things absolutely affect the lifetime value of the customer like it's like people think I'm saying they like oh I'm going to lose sales if I do that okay well you're going to lose them eventually anyways because customers that are sold um in ways that are like on false premise those customers don't stay for Life they're not loyal to your brand they realize what you've done once they get in there later on and notice that things aren't quite exactly how you said and so it doesn't benefit anybody in the long run do you worry about AI ever taking over sales I definitely think that there's a lot of ways in which it's going to change the industry of sales I think that for like Enterprise sales I don't see it taking over anytime soon so people who sell very expensive stuff I don't see that happening because it's the sale is not straightforward it's not like you have like one conversation you're going from there and usually there's a lot of Industries trust me where like they still fly out for for everything it's like got to fly on site you got to fly here and it's just like that's just how the industry is and so there's a lot more like that that people aren't talking about I think uh lower ticket High transaction um sales those definitely are more at risk in terms of you don't need to build a relationship you're probably not going to talk to this person again it's not a high priced item I definitely think that uh there's a likelihood that AI can take over there but it's not something I'm worried about I've definitely looked into it I've you know talked to a few founders of different softwares that do that listened they're not at a point where I feel comfortable using any of those things yet in any of my companies but I mean the moment that they are I'll definitely try them yeah I could see there being some really convincing AI chat bots so if you have a product on a website for sale and you want to ask questions about it that AI chat box could sell you so well just imagine prompts like if you put in this it spits out this this objection you say this yeah could get really good it it would be really interesting I think we're going to enter a time where there's going to be a lot of oneperson businesses once we get to that point where this kind of software is fleshed out because I know people who already have it for example I'm invested in one where they have one person um and he's been able to build everything else to be automated and coded and um have artificial intelligence and so I think that's going to become more popular because if you also look at like the trend of like what people want a lot of people are wanting to work alone remotely by themselves wanting less interaction it's the opposite of everything I like um but I do think that that's appealing to a lot of people and this will enable that yeah what's that business could you give us some details about like what it is yeah so it's um a business that trades appointments online so basically you know how you like StubHub you sell tickets yeah they they trade appointments it could be a DMV appointment it could be a restaurant reservation it could be a hair appointment at Salon like basically it's a it's Arbitrage on scarce appointments is there a market for it so for example people pay for a different time I saw an article on CNBC that said that there was like some 17-year-old kid who was working like a desk job who was making $55,000 a year buying appointments or or reservations at restaurants in New York City and they're reselling them that's insane yeah and there's someone else who's making like 70 grand a year part-time so they're like at their desk job just like oh I'm going to make this appointment like a few months in advance they could just sell it yeah that's it I heard they're cracking down on it I thought it was a genius idea but then I thought how could you crack down besides just like making maybe like a non-refundable deposit like making a different like a money transaction where you have to like charge $100 to the card and then that gets off the bill or like it's a government level that's trying to crack down on it but this is what they do with any new market it's like uber it's like Airbnb it's like uh Ticket Master like all of them had to fight the government trying to say that you cannot resell this thing and it's funny cuz people like they're oh my God people would buy a reserv yeah well people didn't think that you could resell tickets either and guess what now there's an entire market for it a bunch of people making money and so at the end of the day like it's going to be really hard to stop when you're making more money for the people you're making more money for the restaurants and you're making uh you're fulfilling a need that some customers have now what do you say to the people who really dislike the idea because they say I'm trying to get a reservation someone else has already reserved all the spots or and is trying to resell them for a profit what do you say to those people well I would say this is how the econom yeah supply and demand in the economy and it's not like we're selling reservations Applebees okay we're selling reservations at like Carbone and Delila like if you're going there in general and you can't pay $50 for reservation then you probably shouldn't go there in general you know what's interesting is there's a lady that provides a service here in Vegas because the DMV here is horrible so many people are moving to the city of Vegas so it's usually like you show up for Walkins so if it's something with regard to a car I have the lady for you this lady she runs an office with several employees it's a big operation and I paid her I think it was like1 or $150 because she books out a DMV appointment every single day and then she gets people because you can do it two months in advance but you need to be first in line so she knows how to do that she knows what time to log on what time to book the appointments for she does that every single day and she has let's say 15 people she sends you all the documents you sign the documents you give it back to her she goes in and just goes boom boom boom boom boom and she has someone at the DMV that like she knows how to do it quick so she's also not taking up that much time it's probably like the same amount of time as someone else in line she gets it all done and then she'll mail you your license plate she'll do anything like that and it's crazy because otherwise Graham and I when we first moved here we had to go to the DMV and we yeah so didn't we go at like like we woke up at 6:00 a.m. cuz they open at 7 and they had a line that we thought was for a concert because it was so big it was like 2,000 people in line no joke it probably was a mile long and we asked the people what time they got there they said 900 p.m. the night before those were the people at the front of the line this is for the L Vegas DMV and one of them yeah no In fairness this was like 2020 so everyone was moving to Vegas everything was shut down they only allowed a certain amount of people inside but uh come like when they opened at 8: a.m. last night a guy would walk up to the line and like give someone a yellow card and they're like you're the last one everyone else goes home even if you've been waiting 3:00 in the morning you go home and you try again and we had woke at like 6:00 a.m. to be there at 6:30 cuz we like we're going to get there 30 minutes early and we're going to be totally fine and we drive up and just line all the way down the street wrapping around like buildings it was insane I going get that number from you when we're done with that yeah but speaking of that uh we actually used a similar sort of service this guy that we knew for Disneyland had this AI software that was that would automatically scrape reservations for certain restaurants within Disneyland and as soon as someone canceled it would pick it up so if you say I want to go to this restaurant this day Disneyland just throughout the day someone's going to cancel and it picks it up first that's really interesting instantly I mean I think that's that's going to become more and more common because people are more cognizant of where they spend their time and so people are more willing we have this generation at least is more willing to spend money to save their time on things like that yeah it's convenient that business of reservations how did you go about working and or or finding out about this business did they reach out to you did you reach out to like I'm just no no neighbor that was a neighbor yes we met him in the elevator it was truly an elevator pitch really yeah and he recognized you and was like Hey this no no no this was years ago when the company was like barely it didn't even have Revenue at the point it was literally like an idea and uh we met uh the guy and his wife in the elevator of our building and we just like immediately me and Alex whenever we move somewhere like we're trying to we elev great we'll be like if we people are our and married like hey we should like exch numb we go to dinner or something and so we're like oh hi like you guys and we said Hi and they seemed like super friendly and cool and so we're talking we get to the downstairs Lobby we're like we should like do dinner sometime or something he's like oh I have to tell you about my company and then he starts talking about the company and me and Alex like this sounds very interesting and so then we end up going to dinner and then we went to another dinner and then we like started becoming friends and then uh he said that he was uh like raising money and we were like well let's I mean [ __ ] it I don't know like it doesn't have any Revenue we have no idea but like let's just buy x% and we'll just see what happens then we have something to talk about at dinner because now we're invested and we did that and that was maybe three and a half years ago um and now the company's obviously much bigger because it's all over the news yeah um and so that was that was all that happened um really fascinating and we've just stayed in touch as friends they used to live here in Las Vegas and now they live in Miami that's so cool so I think you've said this before that your goal was a billion dollars is that true yes why do you say yes as though there's a little stipulation I think a billion is way too small that's all a billion is so what what would be more appropriate 10 billion 10 what is 10 billion what can you do with 10 billion that you can't do with one well here's the other thing is that it's not like anyone when the goal is a billion it's like I want a billion dollars in cash in my bank account it's like I want to be worth a billion dollars right and so that's a combination of equity cash all these other things um and so I think I just realized like the more information I've gotten and the more Investments we've made and the more success I've seen come to fruition that that a billion on its own is probably not as far away as I thought um and it doesn't feel challenging enough and so I think if I I think in terms of 10 billion or 20 billion that's really challenging um for for my skill right now at least um like a billion if you have two companies that like hit it out of the park I mean that's all I would need at acquisition for it to be for to eventually like have my net worth be worth a billion if I own you know 50% of each company and like each one becomes a couple billion then it's like and like that stuff just it's a numbers game in terms of like you take on a certain amount of companies you watch and see like a handful of them maybe a quarter of them or a fifth of them they end up being like the unicorns that like really grow um and then you just kind of weed out the others over time and uh I think I've just I understand that now and so because of that I think to myself like well what would be even more challenging um because I think we'll get there sooner than we think um based on how the next 18 months play out I think it could be pretty soon and so I want like what's the next thing what are we going to do after that okay but it I I I imagine you don't want the billion dollars or 10 or 20 billion just for the sake of having 1020 billion dollars it's like what is the motivating factor behind that goal it's always the same thing which is like uh you know one of our core values is competitive greatness it's wanting to be great for the journey not because of the outcome of the journey and I think with anything in life like when I first lost weight and I did a fitness competition when I moved out to California like all these things it's like of course I could not do those things and of course there's benefit to these things but at the same time it was that's not why I've ever done anything it's because of who do I have to become to do those things and do them in a way that I'm proud like there's a lot of ways to make money that I'm sure you guys know of a million ways and it's not ethical right or at least it's not aligned with my ethics um for me it's like it's about showing that it's possible to do it in a way where I maintain and if not maintain deepen my Integrity to my values and so for me that's always what I anchor to is like I would love to be that person for myself and who I was when I was younger like really that's it like a billion dollars like I mean the cool part about having billions of dollars is just the things you can do with it like at that point like you can build hospitals you can build schools you can have like a real impact on the community you know like yes we make free content and all that right now but like I want to like build stuff um and you need resources to do that and resources come from money you trade money for a resource and so um for me that's what's exciting about when we get there and have that is just being able to make a bigger impact on like the Greater Community but it's it's honestly just about the journey to get there it's like I want to show myself that it's possible and I I think that for me what I've just found is that to have a life worth living I always have to have a really big goal that I'm going after um it aligns everything in my life and it's always just made me a lot happier one thing that I've always emphasized in success is the importance of having a good Mentor for example Graham and I we've both had plenty of different really good mentors in our lives that have definitely pushed us forward and provided us with inspiration or information that can help us yeah who have been your biggest mentors thus far and who are your mentors right now like as you climb this economical and financial ladder I'm imagining your your mentors just start changing I don't have any none no so so who do you who do you look for for guidance do you do model other people that you see I don't even look at what anybody does honestly we have each other like a lot of why we're able to do what we do is I think me and Alex work so well together and in many ways learn so much from each other and uh I would say that we have a lot of friends who are ahead of us now I don't take advantage of a friendship and ask for help on like X Y and Z but I would say that a combination of I know a lot of people who are ahead and what they've done I hire people who know what to do to get to the next level so I can learn from the people that I hire and put on my team and I think at the the next piece is you know it's so [ __ ] weird as I say it to you guys I'm just like man this sounds like so egotistical to be like no we just know what to do but I think we thought a very long time about what we were going to build you know we had two years and it's working and it's all going in the right direction so it's like I don't know I mean that's it's a tough question because I don't I I mean it'd be nice to have a mentor there's definitely times but I think right now honestly I just have a very strong team that's interesting but you would say in the beginning of like your journey you think it's important I'm assuming to find I think so because in the beginning you don't know what good looks like and you don't have any Clarity and so I think it's important to surround yourself with people who do have Clarity you know like if somebody's stting e-commerce business I'm like go find someone who build an economist business like there's a billion people out there saying I'll teach you how to go from blah blah blah blah blah blah right um because in the beginning going from zero to 1 million in my opinion the problem is that you don't know what you're doing and so find somebody who doesn't know what they're doing or find free information that tells you what to do there's lots of different ways you can fill that Gap it doesn't need to be a mentor it can just be a friend it can be a book it can be whatever I think it depends on your level of intelligence because I would say level of intelligence is how vague of a direction you can take and run with it um so the more intelligent somebody is the more vague Direction they can take and still carry out the task I think in the beginning uh you have to be able to assess for yourself am I somebody am I intelligent enough to take to to figure this out with very vague direction or do I need very explicit instruction to figure this out for myself and that's just a question you've got to be able to answer for yourself how do you feel like a billionaire thinks and acts differently than the average person well I can tell you cuz I had a conversation with my friend who told me that if I want to be be a billionaire I need to be more ruthless with my time um because he he's like me he's a a a founder and a CEO and so we get to talk a lot about the things that like we each go through he exited his company um for multiple billion and then now has started a different one um so he's back in the grind and so um it's cool to like relay that stuff off of each other but I remember like there was a time where I said like I'm annoyed like this partner called me and this is going on this and he's like yeah Lea that's a billionaire doesn't even take that phone call and I was like yeah that hurt it didn't actually hurt I don't give a [ __ ] but um I was like all right yeah I'm not taking that phone call anymore then um I think a lot of it is just I've realized that my time is like the most precious resource that exists in the company it's not the money and so as I want to continue to level up I look at leveling up my time which is you know it's just more and more getting yourself out of any and everything that possibly isn't the one thing that's going to drive everything forward you know in the beginning it's like I need customer service I need Finance I need this I need that now it's like I have a driver I have security I have somebody who buys [ __ ] Q-tips and makeup for me I have people who get my wardrobe I have you know what I'm saying like it just continues to level up because I've just learned like if if this even takes 10 minutes of my day today it's not worth it because I could have spent 10 minutes thinking about how we're going to get here and so for me I think the biggest difference is what they spend their time on like time precedes money how you manage your time dictates how much money you make in my opinion um and so if anyone wants to master money they have to first manage their time do you ever worry about getting out of touch by having everything kind of done for you and you not like being in the weeds seeing like what's going on with all the little things worry about that because I care too much like I I care so much about the people that work for me I am I mean that's why I love I if I could just hire a CEO like and just be the founder and have like I know how to delegate and have people do things but I love investing in people and teaching people and making people's lives better by creating a great place to work like that is truly what fulfills me and like why I do what I do every day that's why I make content it's why that's that's what I love doing um and so for me I'm not worried about getting out of touch because I'm not out of touch with myself and I think at the end of the day you can be out of touch with what it's like to go to the grocery store or what it's like to do this but I'm not out of touch with my values and who I want to be and how I treat people and I treat you know the person that is you know cleaning the building the same way that I'm going to treat an executive and that's just because of who I am and what values I want to uphold not because of anything else and so um no and at the same time I think it'd be selfish of me to stay in touch with those things because if I am responsible if I have the capability to provide thousands of jobs to people and jobs that make their lives better than if you actually think about it it would be selfish of me to keep things because I feel judged for giving them away because that time could have been spent creating a hundred more jobs for people MH and and that's how I have to convince myself to look at it to feel okay with it that's right because because I do think it's true how are you able to work like 14 hours a day without getting tired or overdosing on like caffeine well I think actually if you drink a lot of caffeine it makes it worse notice this I drink deap I noticed that and that kind of shocked me I was like wow impressive what's the point to drink a coffee then uh may there's like 15 milligrams of caffeine in it you know it's like a little bit um I I do get tired I think I've learned how to load balance myself better though which is um for example like I know that I can gas it on meetings if then the next day I have all deep work day and I'm I'm like I'm working on a project I'm not talking to people and then the day after that I have a Content day and then so I try to theme my days which helps a lot in terms of uh stamina of getting through the day because if you look at people who really love their jobs for example um they have a lot of variability in their jobs and I like variability in my week not in my days because I can get a lot of one thing done done in a day if it's like this is what today is dedicated to but if I have to go like yesterday for example I did uh work and then I did content and then I did five hours of meetings and then I did a 2our dinner and I was I felt hung over today and I knew yesterday I was like oh this is not a good idea go I don't normally do this but I'd been sick so I was trying to catch up and so I was like oh I'm gonna just try and do a bunch in one day um and what happened was what I know happens if I do that which is like I feel hung over the next day makes no sense I got you know plenty of sleep water food it just like feel like you hit by a boss um but at the same time I think I've engineered an environment where one I try to theme my days so that I don't run into that because I think if you focus on like one thing each day it makes it you feel like you have much more stamina to get through the day I do break up my days a lot of times with exercise or with like a break to see Alex or to do something that just like changes my gears um but then I think the next piece to it is it's really hard to work hard on something if you don't really like it like if you really don't like it like when I for example have a day full of one ones I'm lit up by the end of the day I love talking to my team I love developing them I love like thinking about them in my free time I love watching them grow as people you know how many people would say like I had one on a day and they're like I'm [ __ ] exhausted because they don't like it right and so like when I tell people I'm like it's not like I'm forced to work this much like I could probably do my job in half the time but I put all my discretionary effort towards it because I like it you know and so I think if you engineer a business where what you do is what you want to do then you want to do more of it and you know I have a business where I get to work with a person I love the most in life and when he makes the business better it makes my life better when I make the business better it makes his life better when he gets better I get better when I get better he gets better you know so it's great for my marriage um it's great for like in terms of having this office and having the people in the building like we've fostered so many friendships and relationships like watching people like stay here until 8:00 p.m. and get here at 5:00 a.m. together and work out together and like build these relationships like it's all very fulfilling to me and so those things give me energy uh it doesn't take energy away from me um do I feel like if I were to stop right and just be like do I feel tired like yes I can feel tired but I'm too excited about what I'm working on most of the time that like I'm just not thinking about the fact that I'm tired it's kind of like a kid that's like you know a kid that you know what it is it's like when you're a kid and you want to stay up all night because you're just like so excited to be hanging out with your friend and you're tired and you're like this but you're like I just love hanging out with my friend I want to keep hanging out that's how I feel and I think a lot of people don't get that because you know probably also when I first started making content I was just terrified of being on camera and so I'm like work 14 hours a day um but I do it because I I like really love it you know and and I'm grateful for that because it's taken me a long time like8 years ago I didn't know what I really liked about running a business what I didn't I was trying everything so I was doing everything and so there was a lot of stuff I didn't like doing and there's a lot of stuff I don't like doing now but I've at least found that there's a lot of things I can gain from doing things I don't like I get to be honest about it tell my team show them hey this is an example for you guys like I'm going to do this I don't like doing it but I'm going to figure out we're going to figure it out anyways I'm going to get really good at it and I'm going to pass it off somebody so I don't know I I feel just very grateful for what I get to do every day because there's been a lot of times in my life where I really wished for what I had now what's your schedule like today from beginning to end today was a weird day um because we're kind of in this weird transition where so today would have been why this is scheduled a Content Day quote but I'm moving away from that and I'm moving into more of a we film the moment I've written something um because it it does better it performs better it's more fun for me and so now we're kind of changing to like we're just every day deciding like we a film day or not film day um so it's like filming one video at a time versus like I would have normally before this filmed for three or four hours done this but I just hated that too because I was freaking exhausted um because like as you know like if anything is hard to do for 14 hours a day it's make content and like I did it in the beginning but I also think that's actually why I would say I I can I tend to come off very like I would say uh professional robotic whatever people interpret it as it gets worse if I'm tired and so I would watch my content be like that's tough uh and so I was like I don't want that anymore I don't want people to perceive me that way and so I realized I was like well I can do that but it doesn't work well and so I've gone away from that and we've gone into this new way of doing things so instead anyways uh so yesterday for example woke up worked for 3 hours went on a walk for 45 minutes filmed a video with Jason did 5 hours of meetings then had a 30-minute break kind of collected myself then went to a dinner with somebody who's new on the team and their boss and then today I woke up I worked and did all my end of week reporting so like I go through all the the reports for the end of the week I reports for the different businesses uh for different businesses and different employees so all the people that report to me send in reports and then I get reports for businesses I go through all the reporting and stuff on Fridays in the mornings um and then uh I came into the office I did hair and makeup I took one ones while I did hair and makeup and so like I'll get my hair and makeup done and have people doing meetings with me um and then I held a team training for my managers so uh it was basically on how to spot potential leaders in the company and do you need to hire do you need to develop people because we're at a point right now where we're growing really fast and so I trying to educate them on what it looks like to expand and then I had uh I went and talked to Alex about a deal that we're mid doing and then a fire that I'm trying to put out and then I came in here how do you think the economy is doing I mean you have a whole bunch of businesses really yeah most of our businesses are doing really well so it's uh what I see happening and what I'm experiencing myself are different um and I don't know why that is but I I I'll say this I think a great business can still do well in a bad economy um it makes it harder but they can still do well um I also think that how you Market how you position your business during the times when the econom is bad how you price how you package if you do all those things well then you can take advantage of it um and we've done that with a decent amount of our companies um but what I'm seeing in terms of like all the stores closing all the restaurants closing all those things yeah it doesn't look great I'll be honest like I try not to dive into it too much because like enough that I know what's going on but not enough that it's consuming all my time and energy because then it takes me away from doing things that could help what are the biggest differences having a office like this wow so such a change how many square feet is this 10,000 I believe 40,000 oh this is 40 40 why do I think 10,000 I don't know it's three stories um so you probably saw one it's been an very large life change um the beginning was weird because it was so different it's like you drive somewhere now you you know now I'm not in the same house as Alex we like completely separate offices he's there here I don't know what he's doing you know we don't see each other as much we don't go on our walks like there's a lot of stuff at first I was like whoa this is weird and very quickly as soon as people started coming here and now we've had a lot of people move here um and now we're hiring a lot of people here and have hired it's so much better really I mean I think because our culture is really great and that's like the centerpiece of everything for me is like leadership culture developing people like the number one thing we offered acquisition. comom is growth and I I can say that very confidently like everyone grows so much here because we put such an emphasis on teaching um and so because of that there's just it's it's a positive place to be I I don't feel like I walk in the room that people like I don't want to see Lea like actually people try to find me and they want to talk to me which is a good feeling and I want to talk to them and when I run into somebody I love having a conversation with them about like how are you going to grow how you going to develop like what are we going to do next what are your goals like I love that stuff and so it's actually been this sense of community that I don't think I have felt for a long time um and I really now understand why people said you know people who had great cultures say that in person is better than remote um now here's the thing I don't require anybody who doesn't need to be here like obviously if you manage the building and you're the building manager you have to be in the building um but everybody else we do not have any hours that you have to be here we do not have that you have to be here certain amount of days a week nothing we just said if you want to live in Vegas and come to the office then do it and voluntarily people are here from 5:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. it's not because I tell them to it's not because there's some Unwritten rule it's not like if people at home were like great like nobody judges them it's literally just because they like being here you know we have a the whole bottom floor is a gym you know a lot of younger people here all working out together trying to get healthy trying to put on muscle like people are socializing in their free time and so because of that they spend more time here I think um and so I love it I think at first it was hard to get used to but now I love having the separation from my house I had no idea how it would feel that was actually the biggest one is like I want to go home at the end of the day and it feels like home is separate from work which I didn't know what that would feel like until it happened it's like I don't have the inclination to work when I'm at home anymore it's like I have the inclination to like be a be a wife and Alex be a husband and we kind of like take our hats off and it changes um and so there's just a lot of benefits that I just was not expecting um do you find that people are more creative in person cuz I feel like that's the only thing that from our experience is kind of lacking with remote work because you don't have that same sort of spark as you do when you're face to face with somebody collaboration is much more difficult remotely I will say for a lot of I would say for a decent amount of roles um it's harder to read facial expressions people don't know how to communicate as well on Zoom calls or on phone calls and so um the ability to read somebody is just a lot more in person and I think it's more relaxed like when you're on Zoom it's like this meeting and it's like you know you have to mute and mute and you're talking over and it's like there's a lot of other Dynamics you have to manage versus when you're in person you're like we got a whiteboard and two hours and then a Red Bull let's go uh it's way more fun you know and I think that the experience of collaborating like for example if we're going to do a day it's like we might order a bunch of cookies or donuts and like go in the break room and we're like we're going to whiteboard this out it's like yeah I think it's more fun and when you're having fun you're more creative to help people understand what acquisition. comom is is it's essentially like a family office where you guys invest in companies and take stake in them and then provide them with tools and advice and guidance to build up their company right correct if Shark Tank offered you guys a seat because we just had Kevin oir on he loves what he does on Shark Tank would you go and sit on Shark Tank um I would need to see the fine print of the deal because if it was as assumed you know I I don't know what to assume actually I've heard different things so I would say I would be to it for sure um but I'll tell you like we've turned down multiple TV contracts because I don't like right now I want to focus on building this and I don't need Shark Tank to build it does that make sense yeah but they could help right they could be a mentor they could be a great mentor yeah there's other ways to get that and so it's like going on TV the amount of time it takes the amount it takes me for my team I'm not in Vegas for my my offices like listen if you asked me a year ago I would have said yes but I think right now just like with the season we're in uh I would have to be flying back here like every week I I don't know where they do it or any of that kind of crap but um like emotionally yeah I would love to do it that sounds fun I just don't know if that would be something that would be a smart decision based on season I'm in right now yeah that makes sense okay so the the last thing that we wanted to discuss here was we had you and Alex on at the same time and we talked about relationships and stuff like that one thing that Graham and I were considering is do you ever feel with like traditional gender roles the pressure of something like that because you I feel like traditionally speaking go counter tradition counter tradition in the way that we work together I wouldn't say counter traditional in the home um like Alex doesn't touch the house cleaning food none of that like I make sure he has water in his fed I even still bring him snacks I'll be like on a meeting and bringing him food like and I don't I like doing it it's not because I feel obligated to we have people that we can pay but I still like to if I can um so in in a lot of ways we are I am actually still pretty traditional um which I think is probably like not what people see but like I don't show my like cute wife self on media cuz like I ain't [ __ ] married to Joo over here you know what I mean um so I would say that is the first is like I actually do think that we have fairly traditional gender roles when it comes to like how we interact within our marriage um but how we interact as business partners I think we have a really good Business Partnership um and I think that we have a lot of respect for one another and so I would say that I definitely felt the weight of external judgment in the beginning um but I had to we had a lot of conversations about it you know I felt like I had to still cook dinner every night the way like cuz I I actually went and did culinary school for a year I thought that I had to keep cooking dinner from scratch every night even though I'm the CEO of a company that at the time gym launch was doing 50 million a year and I'm on meetings literally running a meeting and I'm like baking these beans over here like I was just trying to do everything um I felt that I felt like um people always were judging me especially when I was around 25 of like why don't you have kids why you have kids and I was like I don't know I don't want them right now like I just was like I don't know I don't I don't have a desire like what's wrong with me you know um and so I've definitely felt like there's judgment cast on me for not maybe fitting into the other 50% of the role that I don't like I'm not at home with children I don't have children like taking care of the house um it's not that I think poorly of any of those things it's just it's just not something that I've had a desire for and so I just had to have conversations with Alex about it of like you know I'm in my head about this now that you know people are trying to ask me and people are saying these things like what do you think and you know we both agreed on that we didn't want that for ourselves and for our marriage and if people want to judge us for it then that's okay what does that internal debate look like for you when you're debating whether or not having kids I remember we had when we had Alex on he says he is scared of having kids because he's worried he would hate his kids yeah I mean I would dislike his K I don't think he used the word hate no sorry he would dis he wouldn't like the person they grow up to be and he has no control over that yeah that's fair yeah he never said hate he didn't say hate yep he did not say hate maybe dislike you're good um uh for me it's more you know so I'll tell you when I finally realized why I didn't have a desire for kids which because I always pictured myself being a mom um and then as I got further along we started the business and all stuff I was like I don't I just don't I don't even want them why don't I want them and I talked to actually Tony Robbins um and it was in this private like little event that he had and we got invited to and um a woman brought up or he brought up women that don't want to have kids and he's like the reason a lot of women have kids is there's a lack of something they're at a certain age they don't have a purpose they haven't figured out something that's fulfilling them and so they have this lack that they want to fill and so a lot of women fill it with kids he's like now a lot of women now have filled that lack With a Purpose with a career with a mission they're on he's like and so those women don't really want to have kids I remember the moment we said it I was like that's exact it like I have people that I Mentor I have people I develop I have people I feel like I take care of and I think about in my free time I have a sense of community or you could say family uh within the workplace and so it feels like in many ways I have created uh a lot of things that I've wanted that you would get a lot of those benefits from having children but I get them from other places um and then I think you know it goes into uh losing freedom and autonomy um you know I'll go like this right so if I had kids and I wanted to keep doing what I'm doing I would have to have a lot of help and then I go back to okay well if I'm going to see my kid for 60 minutes a day and they're getting raised by somebody who's not their parent why am I having kids and then I go to okay well I could just stop everything and I could just raise them myself and then I go to like oh yeah I would be depressed um not because of just having kids but I want to work um and I I want to I have this thing that I'm doing and I want to see it out and so I would say that's probably the main conundrum for me is you know who would take care of them what would that look like yes you can do both but I would prefer if I do have kids like you you have to ask yourself at some point like if you're just going to have other people take care of them then why are you having them to say that you have them to fulfill AAL you know whatever I don't know so that's kind of where I'm at with it you know and I here's the truth I think I'll be happy either way like I think I'm going to have a great life whether I have kids or not I I'm not like scared of having or not having them um I think that's how everything in life works though could always adopt Jack and Me Jesus you know you take care of us that's a good point actually gr get out paperwork over there that weed for this we made this really easy for I'm a great mom but uh I'm kidding all right thank youa for coming on the podcast thank you guys for watching and until next time and we'll show you the adoption paperwork Jesus no we're we're serious actually we have it