Video summary
The video presents a chaotic and humorous series of wrestling matches under the banner of Green Mountain Wrestling, featuring a cast of eccentric superstars from across New York, New England, and beyond. The event opens with a singles match between the Land Shark from Margaritaville and the Latin Dragon, Joy, which quickly devolves into absurdity as the competitors argue about readiness and make strange decisions before even stepping into the ring. This initial bout sets a comedic tone that persists throughout the night, characterized by nonsensical dialogue, exaggerated character introductions, and a general lack of serious athletic competition, culminating in a victory for the Land Shark amidst the confusion.
Following the opening match, the action shifts to a tag team contest involving the Bird Man and the Irish Wolf against Dr. James Parker and his partner Mike Anthony. The segment is filled with bickering between the commentators and the wrestlers, who engage in bizarre antics such as psychological jabs and physical comedy that defies standard wrestling logic. The match continues this trend of absurdity with the team of the show winning through a series of slapstick moments rather than technical prowess, highlighting the show's focus on entertainment value over realistic sportsmanship.
The evening progresses to a three-way dance featuring Dante, Dead, and the massive King Pierce, followed by another tag team bout where Mills Hrix and Flying Lucher Pig Ham face off against Young Man at Jobs. These matches further emphasize the surreal nature of the event, with wrestlers making strange demands, engaging in pointless arguments about equality and cleanliness, and utilizing oversized props or exaggerated physical comedy. The crowd's reactions are mixed with confusion and amusement as the competitors navigate a storyline that makes little logical sense but provides constant heat and laughter.
The main event pits eBay, the liberator from the Antilles, against the terrific rooster from Puerto Rico, bringing the night of chaotic wrestling to a close. Despite the high stakes implied by the main event status, the match remains true to the show's format with quick finishes, strange interactions, and a final count-out or pinfall that resolves the bout in typical fashion. Overall, the video serves as a parody of professional wrestling tropes, utilizing over-the-top characters, ridiculous scenarios, and relentless humor to entertain viewers who appreciate the absurdity of the Green Mountain Wrestling universe.
Read the full video transcript
Good evening.
Welcome to Green Mountain Wrestling.
We've got a lot of action today. We've
got some great superstars from all over
New York and New England. We hope you
have as good of a time as we will. Let's
get it kicked off with our opening
contest.
You are what you are.
Are you ready?
You got to make a decision. It's been
way too long.
Are you ready?
You got to make a decision. It's been
way too long.
Are you ready?
You got to make a decision. It's been
way too long
across the nation.
>> You better.
Our opening contest is a singles match
scheduled for one fall.
>> Introducing first already in the ring
from Margaritavville. He is the land
shark.
And his opponent from Long Island, New
York, weighing in at 192 lbs, the Latin
Dragon, Joy.
>> Tonight for all your contests will be
Adam Brenton.
shirt.
>> I'm not ready. Hold on. I'm not ready.
coward.
>> My time
now.
>> Come on, bro.
Where is she?
>> Behind you.
You stupid.
>> Come on.
>> What are you doing? Why you holding
that?
Yeah,
>> it's a second one.
You idiot.
>> One, two, two. Yeah.
>> Hey,
boys.
back up
your mouth. Hey, don't touch
your
Come on.
>> Go. Come on.
Yes.
>> You swallow.
He quit.
>> I'm squeezing quit.
>> Not yet.
>> Let's go.
go see him.
You think he's a wrestler at the beach?
Come on.
>> That's it.
Leg
Good job.
Figure for
Come here.
Come
on.
>> Come on.
Whip him with it.
1 2 3.
Are you ready?
You got to make a decision. It's been
way too long. Here is your winner.
You are crazy.
Heat.
Heat up
here.
You want me to give this kid a stupid
looking back?
>> The following contest is a tag team
match scheduled for one fall.
>> Introducing first,
the beak from the east with his nest in
the west. He weighs in at 100 lbs of
bird and 100 lbs of man. He is the bird
man
>> and his tag team partner originally from
the town So island they call it stab
city. Limmerick Island now residing on
the Emerald Isle of the World Vaughn of
New York City.
>> He weighs in at 16 stone. He is the
Irish Wolf.
>> You have a longer intro. Come on.
>> Their opponents,
>> you're not qualified to introduce me.
I will introduce myself. Thank you.
>> I am the pro wrestling psychologist,
Dr. James Parker.
>> And I proudly
>> Shut up, kid. I'll take that stupid
mother.
>> It's Hey, it's okay. It's okay. It's
okay. I will introduce you proudly to my
partner and my patient. Patient.
Told you I'm not your patient. There's
nothing wrong with me. I don't Nobody. I
I know. I know. I know. I I
>> the not crazy
Mike Anthony.
>> Don't boo him. He doesn't like that. He
doesn't like that. Don't boo him. He
doesn't like that. Don't boo him. Don't
do it.
>> That's how you do your job.
>> Do we actually have to wrestle these
guys?
>> I'm not ready.
>> He's not ready. I'm ready. He's ready.
You ready? Duck out there.
Yeah.
man,
go
to the
You got
him
on your bra.
Take out.
Come on. Tag. Come on. Tag. He doesn't
need to have a real degree.
We're looking for
this
top
right.
What the hell?
>> The world is
>> one. He's
got
the beat. No, don't give me
a
That's what I got. I want more people
away. I don't want to [ __ ]
with three on two handic
wearing a beef in a wrestling match, you
idiot.
Hey, suck it, brother.
>> Who's crazy now? Tell me.
That's how I got here.
>> That's what I taught you.
>> They don't care about you now. Burger.
>> That's what I taught you.
>> No. No. Stop it. Stop. Stop.
He hit me. He hit me. He hit me in the
face.
He's
legal. I'm legal. Illegal.
>> Come on, man.
splash
to me.
Get changed.
Get it. What are you doing?
>> Why you leaving him over there?
>> Yeah.
Get him. Get up.
>> Come here.
>> Here we go.
Go for the thing.
What do you want me to do? Tell me what
to do. You're going to splash him. All
right.
>> You're going to slam him.
Hey, no.
Here are your winners. The team of the
show
Heat. Heat.
I don't know.
Heat
up
here.
Heat up
here.
This is
>> Johnny Pearson.
Johnny Pearson House.
Now you
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
This is
Johnny.
The following contest is a three-way
dance. There will be no countouts and no
disqualifications.
The first man to score a pinball or
submission will be the winner.
>> Introducing Burks in the corner to my
left. from Baltimore, Maryland, weighing
in at 180 lbs, Dante.
And his opponent from the graveyards of
New York City, he weighs in at exactly
two tombstones.
He is
dead.
and their opponent
from Pierce Mountain.
My apologies.
From Pierce Kingdom,
>> standing 6 feet 6 in tall and weighing
in at 304 lbs, the cold hard truth, King
Pierce.
Are you ready?
>> Are you ready?
Let me
have the dance for his people.
2.
>> I'm not dancing. Please don't dance for
peasants.
>> I tell you what. Why don't you dance
your ways down to your knee? Bend the
knee for the king.
>> The king command.
>> It's only right.
We're going to do this one time at
least.
>> That's very nice of you
to me.
Thank you Jesus.
Yes, team up.
Oh my god.
Yes.
Thank you.
That's what you get.
Watch out.
It's okay. It's okay.
>> Your crowd is so big.
You're doing nothing.
>> Move, you idiot.
Come on.
That wasn't my fault.
>> I was trying to get him.
What do you want?
Small
count.
Hello.
Come on.
Get up.
Hands
up. I got him. I got him.
One more time.
Come on.
Watch out.
Yeah.
>> Yes.
Johnny Pearson.
2
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
The following contest is a tag team
match scheduled for one fall.
Introducing first from the Bronx, New
York,
>> the team of the viral one, Mills Hrix
and the flying Lucher Pig Ham
and their opponents from Coventry,
Vermont, weighing in at 420 lbs,
young man at Jobs.
The ultimate
powers.
So this is the Green Mountains here
>> and this is the best tag team that they
had.
>> But they ain't like us.
>> They don't got gold. They don't have
accolades.
>> All I see in front of us are big fat
fools.
This
Come on.
That's
>> a piggy boy.
like
Come on.
>> Get out.
One out.
Hey
Go
on.
2
They still
come
26.
You want more? Huh? You want more?
Oh no.
Stop.
I like
you at
push up.
You must die.
Hallelujah.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Sir,
Here
we go.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
Thanks.
Good job.
equipment out here.
>> Whoever it is, bring them out.
>> Bring them out. I broke it down.
>> I do my job. My job is to your job is to
try.
Come on.
I can probably
live entertainment everybody.
>> Oh, now you finally got it working.
Sick of this.
It's working.
>> Is it working now?
>> You know what makes me sick?
All of these women wrestlers at Green
Mountain Wrestling who think they
actually contribute to the company cuz
they get 80,000 views.
I was here today at noon setting up this
ring so all you heathens could come here
and watch me wrestle.
>> I don't care who it is. Whoever this
so-called Green Mountain wrestling
women's wrestler is, bring them out.
I'll show you what it is.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
Heat
up
here.
The following contest is a singles match
scheduled for one fall.
Introducing first in the corner to my
left, hailing from Anchorage, Alaska,
weighing in at 160 lbs,
the Peracross Park, Bobby Misha.
and his opponent from the crossroads.
She is the queen of Vermont, the
Holocaust.
>> I'm a clean wrestler. I fight fair.
>> I fight fair.
My skateboard's right there.
Your fingernails are dirty. Sit down.
>> Bring them back.
All right. All right. Equality.
Equality.
35.
Come here.
Send it back to Alaska.
All right. Equality.
Take out. Take out.
Thank
you.
Thank you.
Come on.
One more time.
Get her elbow.
Thank you. Congratulations.
You are
number one.
I am
Come on.
Yeah.
Heat.
Heat. Heat.
Heat
up
here.
Heat. Heat.
Oh no. Awesome.
Heat
up
here.
Heat. Heat.
The following contest is our main event
and is scheduled for one fall.
Introducing first in the corner to my
right, representing the colony, hailing
from the antill and weighing in at 200
lb eBay. He is the liberator of who
chants liberty librel
>> and his opponent from San Juan, Puerto
Rico,
weighing at a terrific
130 lbs.
He is the most terrific rooster.
Somebody
>> Yes.
Get out of it.
Yes.
Come on.
Let's go.
>> Get that.
Leave Owen here.
Yeah.
>> Ain't going nowhere. Yes.
>> My finger. He's okay.
>> Here we go.
stand
see
We're back.
2.0.
No.
Come on.
Come
on, you guys.
>> Four.
>> Come on, you get three. Should
I get him?
>> Come on.
Hey,
go.
Yes.
>> Oh, build the horse.
go
out.
That's
it.
Go
crazy. Go.
Beat
Come
on horns.
>> Give him the horns.
>> Don't give him the beans.
Yeah.
>> I have his shoulders down.
>> Don't turn your back.
probably
shout out Everybody
tap. Do not tap.
rip his ass off.
Yes.
Go.
out.
Oh.
Lord.
say
hey
Yeah.
I got to say
Wow.
In 4.
Come on. Here we go.
2 3
1 2 3
3
hey
Let's go.
>> Yeah.
Yeah.
2
3
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Oh
>> yeah.
Yeah.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.