LITERARY BAR: The Power Of Gratitude - part 1

[Music] Hello and welcome to the literary bar. How are you doing? I know that we're well into the second half of the year. For some, it's been great. For some, it's not been exactly what they hoped for, but something is clear. We are still here. And maybe it's time to unleash a superpower that is latent in all of us. Gratitude. My guest today says that gratitude is the key to unlock a life of fulfillment. Join me after the break to get your own keys to this life-changing principle from one of my favorite people of all times. My guest today is a liter family member. Dr. Ode Ayubu is a sage, very wise. He's a practicing lawyer, author, poet, and a pastor. He's also a personal and business development coach. He has a PhD in theology and teaches philosophy based on biblical principles. Pastor Od is a senior pastor at Ezra House, a word of love church focus on transformational teaching, training, and disciplehip. His might of the beautiful Fumilola, and they are blessed with a lovely family. Welcome Dr. Oday. >> Thank you. >> Hi, Padre. My Patrick, how are you? >> Always good to be here. Always good to be here and to see you. >> I shouldn't ask how you're doing cuz you look well. >> Well, can I feel great? >> Well, I say in some looking too great. Too great. Not too great. >> I need to look less great. Six pack. Look, I call you pad. It's just going to keep sticking out of my mouth. Doctor, pastor Mike Padre. >> So, um, you've written yet another book, The Power of Gratitude. >> Yes. >> Yes. And, uh, it's about unlocking a life of fulfillment. >> Now, we're in uh, the second half of the year, >> right? >> And, um, for a lot of Nigerians, you know, there's nothing fulfilling about 2025. >> Yeah. All those prayers, expectations, aspirations, what's happening? >> What's happening? >> So you say what you're saying is that those prayers, those expectations, those uh what do you call those things that have been >> resolutions? >> Those resolutions have not been fulfilled. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. >> Okay. And so >> well as I was saying to you before Nigeria and this is against everything that I really want to say but this is a true for a lot of people >> a country seems to be going >> to a place that we do not like >> yes >> in a hand basket. I'm not going to call you but you know. >> Yes I know. >> So but I mean there's violence here. There's a hunger here. The corruption is endemic. Every time you check the newspapers, politicians are just talking about themselves, which party they are joining, coalition, no one, I challenge anybody, nobody opens a newspaper and sees developmental talks or the government has completed this project here or maybe this and that and that and then you come out with a book and you're telling us to be grateful, >> right? >> We feel powerless. So, how can we be grateful? >> Okay, that's a good one. We feel powerless. So how come we be grateful? We are powerless. So how can we be grateful? >> Yes. >> Right now it's like this gratitude uh this thing that we're talking about is an objective reality. It's not subjective. Let me tell what I mean by that. >> You're not grateful because this and that and that and that and that >> Mhm. >> are working well. >> Yeah. >> Right. That's subjectivity. So I'm happy because this is good. I'm happy because that is good. No, gratitude is an objective reality. in a sense an objective component of a fulfilled life. >> Yeah. >> In other words, you're not saying I'm not I'm not saying my life is fulfilled because I have this, I've done this, I've done the other, right? I am saying >> for me to have a fulfilled life is a function or a consequence of my attitude of gratitude. >> Okay. >> Separating the verse from anything else. >> Okay. Let me quote the book directly because you said gratitude is more than a feeling. It's a spiritual force. Yes. What does that mean? >> That's exact. So I sort of I've I've explained that now sort of using psychological words if you like. Right. It's a spiritual force. It's an attitude. It's a mentality. Is a is an objective reality. Right? is you know other words it I'm using the word objective to separate it from happen stance because from our opening statement which is so true >> we why should we be grateful what should we be grateful about when everything is fallen now >> and that's a subjective view of gratitude right so the way it works is this I am not grateful because this happened >> right turn it around this happened because I am grateful. Now that now comes to that is the transformative >> or the creative power of gratitude. Right? That sounds very Mexican and you know all of that but that's what that's what I mean that's so we start the starting point for gratitude is I am grateful not I am grateful because or not I'll be not I'll be grateful if >> great grateful and thankful I read the same >> gratitude thankfulness appreciation all of that they all all in the same family but all in the same family that consciousness that mentality that um appreciation for what is. >> Yeah. >> Right. Not a depreciation for what is not. So gratitude is a focus. >> We're talking about gratitude to God or gratitude to people or >> it's all this book covers all of that. Okay. Right. I mean fundamentally I'm going to say gratitude to God but just gratitude you know it's um I was counseling with a young couple after church yesterday and I said to the husband that you know the little whatever little thing you do for your wife >> Mhm. What everything you do? You tell her thank you. You tell her sorry. You go and wait for at the bus stop. You help her carry a bag. You help her whatever it is. What did you do for her? Every time you do something for her, you're making a deposit. >> Yeah. >> In her emotional bank account. >> Mhm. >> Right. And what then happens as that banker keeps getting filled up? The natural tendency is response. >> Yeah. retaliation which sounds like a bad word but now she wants to do something good to you for you because you're doing something good for her. >> Yeah. In local palent we say somebody comes to your house they give you a good meal and they say oh when you come to mine I won't tell you yet. >> Yeah. >> That's that's just the whole idea. So it's so it's not a question waiting for something to happen before you do something. It's it's a question of thanking God for what is happening. >> Mhm. >> Thanking God. thinking. So you you send me a meal for instance and all you have is a little bit of rice >> and half an egg. >> Yeah. >> Right now in my house I mean usually a full pot of rice and six pieces of meat whatever it is. >> But my first thought is not kind of what what so this man looks at the whole meat and she goes me have an egg. That's my first thought. My first thought is thank you >> for sharing what you have. God knows what she what she got us from. That's that's that's that's that's what I'm talking about. >> Mhm. >> Right. So if we coming back to the more global winner, if we looked at our lives like that, no matter how terrible and troubles and tedious and tenuous the times are, no matter what's going on, right? You know that within any situation, there's always something >> to be thankful. And what that does I I was using the example of you know uh something happens and you're flustered flustered disturbed perturbed first you want to do is you explode but of doing that and because remember by time you're exploding you're out of control you're basically out of control you're not thinking straight you're out of control right so instead of doing that you if you like what was my expert again you discipline your disappointment you like the way the Bible puts it Bible language. You gather the loins of your mind. You gather yourself together and out of that gathering you say thank you. >> Okay. We're looking at school fees pay rent you can't pay. >> Yes. >> Um meals you're owing. >> Yes. >> Okay. Can we how do we gather how do we discipline that disappointment? >> All right. So here's the way this goes. salary is not coming. >> Now think about it. Now I'm going to tell you and I was giving the analogy initially. >> A young man came to me once and said pas the problem I have with you is that you minimize our problems. >> Yeah. >> When I come to your counseling you minimize and you just laugh at my problems. So I said okay. So I said okay let's just put in our thinking caps now. What is the opposite of minimize? I said this is maximize. So, okay, here's what you expect me to do, which sadly is what most of us do actually. >> Mhm. >> I come to you with a problem. Ah, he's out and I begin to tell you some problem that I have where he's bigger than yours. Have I helped you? >> No, >> I have not. >> No, but it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one going through it. >> Fine, but does that solve anything? >> Well, >> is that moving you on from there? Ask your depression. I didn't leave that. No, no matter what feelings you have with that moment, I didn't leave that place. your the weight of your pronounce comes and now the weight of their own problem. >> Okay. Okay. >> What I then said what I then said to this person but what I what I say to you like again this Bible language right the Bible language says that with every temptation God will make a way for you to escape thereby. >> Yeah >> there's no temptation that comes upon you but sus come unto man >> but with every temptation. So the first part is everybody goes through this. That's the first part. But the second part is with every temptation, God will make a way for you to come out. Now, here's the problem. When you're worrying and you're frightening and you're forcing, here's what you're never able to do. You're never able to find out that way out. >> Mhm. >> Because by taking thought again, Jesus, you cannot add an inch to your height. Says do not worry. It says, "Take no thought." Think what you just said to me now. Take no thought saying, "What shall we eat? What should we wear? Where should we live? How shall we pay school fees?" Take note of saying those things. Why? Cuz your father in heaven knows you have need of those things. As for you, seek first the kingdom of God as righteousness, and all these other things were added to you. You see what that does? This is not magic. I just call it mics. It's not magic, right? It's a state of mind, a state of consciousness that opens you, as it were, to a resolution resolution. I mean, you you I mean, I've been in situations where I've been broke. I didn't have any money. And I says, "Lord, um, I thank you so much for giving things, but Lord, I need some some money." Because of that state of mind, a thought comes to my head. It might be call such and such or do such and such. I mean, let me take a classic example. One of my books I I I launched recently. Now, when I say I launched the book, I didn't do the usual you get rent hall, invite people, all that stuff. The idea for what I did came through Thanksgiving. You know, I said, "Lord, I've done this book now. I need some money, right?" And so I'm thinking, "Oh, thank you, father, for the book. Thank you for this. Thank you for the other." All of that. And I just had an idea. Have a launch. Have a WhatsApp launch. Send out PDF copies to every person on your watch and just say to them, you know, I launched this book. Could you >> Mhm. Now I cook. What the point I'm making is that idea came >> from Thanksgiving. >> From Thanksgiving because because no let use that idea came because my mind was settled. I was not confused. I was not disturbed. I was not discombobulated. I was not bothered. I was not flustered. I was none of those things. I was not worrying, frightened, fen. I was thanking God. >> Are there levels to this thing? Because I mean you you have friends you can call on to do this. There are people that have problems that have nobody. >> I just give you an example. >> My point is the bigger point is this. >> Whatever your condition or your situation, >> right? From that position of gratitude, things given. >> Yeah. >> Right. You will find an answer. Whatever your answer is, if even if you answer go to your children's say, listen, I don't have any money to pay the next year. >> First term, second term, third term. No, whatever you want to say. I don't have money to pay. right for this whole year. In fact, I I have a example of that. This woman is a widow. I teach children in this very expensive schools and there was one year she couldn't pay. She spoke to the she went and met the teacher said, "Look, this is the situation." You know what happened? >> All children give a scholarship. >> They gave them scholarship. >> Yes. For the rest of their time in that school. I'm just what I'm saying to you is that the point is it's not so much the end result but that the starting point >> where you're starting from >> and how long you going to keep up in that place. Well um this this is a >> you ask me one question about the spirituality of this that's yes that's so a phrase that you hate is this not what will concern to toxic positivity >> okay >> where everything is just okay like I have this issues with you >> when I would say oh padrick you say be coming down >> be coming down and you know these are some times when you really really need to vent what's that math again it takes you how many muscles to do what >> 75 to 25 muscles to frown 25 to smile. It takes him more energy to fret, to fuss, to worry, to be disturbed, discomated than it is to just be happy and be calm. >> So that energy that I have when I'm annoyed >> where if I smile is I've used 25%. It's remaining 40 now. So what would I use that remaining energy to do? >> Now here's the point. >> Mhm. >> If instead of wasting expending energy >> Yeah. and frowning. >> You actually spend energy in smiling. You be in a better position to resolve whatever situation you feel >> if just by feeling better. >> So what what you said you don't like that phrase toxic positive >> because those are expressions we use. Okay. >> Right. To justify >> our willingness to do the right thing. You say something like toxic masculinity. A man has been a man has been the head of his house. He's been a father to his children. All this tox that's rubbish. That is just a statement come by feminist women. They don't want to be they shouldn't be married. But seriously, that's that's my understand. I mean I I'm let me give an example like this. I say this is my teaching this right. The fact is it is the father who has responsible to discipline the child not the mother. Now can you say I said, "Well, I just did." Cuz that's is that what the Bible says? Because when the Bible was referring, >> what if there's a single mom or a widow? >> Just wait. I have widows in my church. I have single mothers in my church. Right. And so basic kind of again within our own context, you know. Right. In our own context, we still find this is your situation. But then a lot of the discipline now a lot of what happens talking to the men in the church or the pastor in the church who helps do all of that stuff. Now that is not a perfect solution. But now remember this. Remember when you state a principle the fact that there's how do you say there's a situation that doesn't fit that principle does not negate the principle itself. That is the principle. >> The husband is ahead of his wife his wife not of women of his wife not of women generous. So let's be clear on that. Let's be very clear on that. Yes, >> we're going to get but I mean coming back to gratitude because we hear the word dispense a lot like you say oh there's no toxic positivity no if you give something to a child a you didn't come out to say thank you but a lot of people forget to say thank you when you do when people do stuff for them. >> Okay. So if we forget to thank human beings, >> forgetting God is just >> see that's that's that's why I said it's all about this cuz one so one one of my um one of my grouses with Nigerian society >> Mhm. >> is the fact that we've lost uh politeness. We're just rude. >> We're rude. We're abrasive. We're aggressive. We're thankless. We don't think we're ing. I really like from uh the things no longer is J is one of those books when there's this family says oh this person is an ungrateful ingrate more stuck in trade as collector assassination I really think yes but that that's where we are that's what we become wecome an ungrateful unappreciative generation right so that's where it starts that's how teaching the children grandchild whatever it is I mean thank you oh thank you is is you you can't you can't get away with it. So that's what we've lost. So because we lost that now because you say so instead of thinking you know I gave you a cup of water. >> Mhm. >> Instead of saying thank you I complain that you didn't give me a cup of coke. >> Well >> that's the mentality. >> Mhm. >> Right. You know I'm born in Nigerian. Instead of saying thank you I'm a Nigerian. I complain that I'm not an American. and stuff. Now, here's my point. The point is that I used everything. >> The more appreciative you are, I think it was my godmother who told me this many years ago. A person who tells you thank you so profusely. It's really set himself up for another favor. >> Yes. Yeah. >> So, it's not just bribery in I bribe you that makes you give another favor, but there's a way I can appreciate what you've done for me. >> They thank you and they that you want to do more for me. Can you can you reset your mind in that? I mean the example you gave initially of the woman who gives you uh half a plate of rice and half half an egg. >> You can see the person be very disappointed. But how do you reset your mind without feeling guilty like okay she actually gave me all that she could but I really would have preferred a whole egg. >> No sometimes that's the first thing you think about like not enough. >> Here's what happens. Now there's another sort of mantra that I have. It's called everything you get in life you get by right of consciousness. >> Okay? >> Right? So the reset that you call it, it's not something that happens in the moment. The reset now is developing an attitude of gratitude consciousness. So by time you develop that through you know your confessions your affirmations and your practice your deliberate practice you get to a place now where that now that's is no longer it's no longer it's it's an instinct your first instinct thank you so you don't that space between well I really would have wanted this that space keeps getting narrower and narrower and narrower with consciousness until it doesn't exist anymore until you actually get to a place where you don't even need that other thing anymore. >> But sometimes people have things you know they can actually give you more >> but they give you small >> that's on them. That's always the case. >> So the fact is you just hang it in your mouth. Oh god. >> That's what I'm saying. If you have a gr consciousness doesn't matter. It's on them. I mean it's their property and they choose to give you just a little bit of it. That's on them. M >> you your job is to re to receive what they give you with the highest gratitude with sincerity meaning it it's on them. Now let me also tell you something else right there's some like this that you know it's not just a matter of being misly or being stingy or being careless being casual of being rude and disrespectful. >> I refuse that. >> Okay. >> I just said oh thank you. >> Yeah. >> I don't want that. But now again I'm refusing not because I'm angry. Actually I'm refusing. It's a there's a principle involved there cuz you're being disrespectful. You're being rude. You're not being it's >> that's when somebody gives you something you know that is not worthy. >> Yes. >> Yes. You're being rude. You know it's not worthy and you know they can they can actually do what is worthy. >> Does you got to qualify that? So how does that tally with the Bible principles where you say in all things be grateful. >> I'll give thanks. I'm grateful >> but I don't want it. >> I'm grateful. I don't want it because that's why I made the point of saying I'm not angry. >> I'm not doing that any kind of anger. I'm doing it out of the fact that you know is that what God says in Malachi. >> It says um you sacrifice diseased animals. give your governor that and say what it will do to you. >> Yeah. >> So the point is there's this understanding that yeah there's some things they're just not worthy. Now was a different where say I come here or somebody comes here right and you just going to pay them a fee and really what they get paid is $5,000 per hour but you only have $50 because that's where you are at the moment. Well that's different. So for me that's huge. Oh, that's mega, right? I I remember I went to a meeting once and I was on the speakers of this conference and they call for offerings. So, they said things like if you have this amount come, there's a man come. Then the man said, so I stood I was on the platform. I stood up. I had 5,000 in my pocket. I put the offering. Then the man said, if you have 100 naira or 50, stay where you are. There's no space for you here. Ah, >> wow. >> I just put my money back in my pocket. I want you to sit down or the next day they heard I mean how rude how insulting these people they have hunting that's the last money they have they trek to that place they're hoping to use the money to go back and then you're insulting them now >> maybe they didn't get the part of the widow's might in the Bible perhaps or they just overlooked it >> yes so all of that >> but but but the the key thing is gratitude like really value or virtue must be a consciousness. This is it's like a it becomes um um like your default setting. In fact, I don't I don't like the word default setting. It's not default setting. It becomes your setting. >> Okay, >> it's who you are. If it is slides and dice you or comes as gratitude because that's not become part of you. So, it doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't matter who it is. Doesn't matter where it is. You thank God. I I remember preaching in an old people's home some years ago in England and some bouncing up and down. You I said I used to quote this guy. I used to I used to complain that I had no shoes or that I met a man that had no feet. Then I turned there's a lady right in front of me. She had no legs. I mean I can this I'm talking in the 80s. I can goosebumps on now. As made that statement I used to complain that I had no shoes that I met a man that had no feet. I turned around and saw this old lady in a wheelchair. Her two legs had been amputated. Oh my god. And guess what this woman was doing from the beginning of the service to the end? She was smiling. >> Oh. >> The old husband wer in greeted me to smile. They were just smiling. And that meeting was interesting about that meeting. This I'm talking about 80 uh 91 92 in Tottenham in England. At that m was an old people's home. One of the ladies there died that night. She was 90 or something years old. >> But the last words to her great granddaughter was I met a young man who told me who said that my life was worthwhile cuz I said you're here. You're old. You l the carpet. You're in a wheelchair. But you grandmama, you grandfather. you're spending all this time praying for your children, your grandchildren. God bless you. That's what she had. And that that was the last his grand told us later was the last great granddaughter. >> In in terms of gratitude, um my moral my moral instruction teacher in school would say if no one uh no one can blow your trumpet like you, you know, so find your tune and and sing it. And I realized that even as we say thank you to >> should we say thank you to ourselves we recognize >> I do it regularly. >> Oh I do it regularly. >> What do you thank yourself for? >> Everything really. I mean for instance when I go home now I'm going to thank myself for listen to it. >> Mhm. >> That I was so clear >> and you're looking so good. >> Well there's that. There's that. Thank you. >> I was so Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I've shared that. I'm going to thank God for you my love. >> Is that not arrogance >> to thank yourself? >> To thank myself because here's now again think about this right. I have a gratitude consciousness also have a grace of God consciousness. All my grace of God go consciousness. Everything I am I have by the grace of God. I can do what I'm doing here now or it's by the grace of God. So yes. So thinking myself I'm definitely appreciating God's grace in my life that made me able to do this. in that kind of this is not um this not what do we call this in this kind of um fake humility. >> No. >> Oh, are you are you very smart? Are you intelligent? You get cuz I am top of the class. >> He's a humble brag. >> I didn't Yeah. You know, I didn't you know I make a joke. I said, you know, I I am proud of my humility. >> You know, the the point is the point is that you got to be great. Because here's the deal. If you're not even thankful for yourself, for your own life, you can't be thankful now. You're kind of grumpy cuz you're just unhappy. But if you're happy, you're singing, you're dancing, you're just, you know, galliv. >> Totally. Totally. >> Mhm. >> Totally. I understand that but again by study by prayer by conviction I come to a consciousness that we're teaching that that's why I say by saying it's an objective thing >> not subjective it's not dependent on circumstance or happen stance it's dependent really on decision >> okay >> that you make that you know that this thing makes your life better >> okay >> reduce your hyper your tension everything really makes your life better Okay, Patrick, we'll take a short break and when we come back, we'll collect the key to unlocking this life of fulfillment. >> Okay, see yourself. [Music] >> We've come to the end of part one of this beautiful conversation, the power of gratitude, unlocking a life of fulfillment with Pastor Odoyu. [Music]