Liars Don't Change Their Answer, They Change the Question

Today, we're going to break down the most toxic, meme-able, educational clips from Love Island. >> Give me 10. >> [ __ ] snake, you goddamn liar. >> I tell the truth, but I don't tell the whole truth. >> But I'll tell you right now if this was not Love Island, I would not be your friend. >> But first, a word from our sponsor, Squarespace. This video, and heck, this whole channel is powered by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform that makes it easy for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you are just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy for you to build a stunning website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. Play around, see if you like it. And if you love what you built, go to squarespace.com/shamboooty, because that's how you're going to get 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com/shamboooty for 10% off. >> And I felt like it was a little rude. >> an accident. I didn't do it on purpose. >> Don't get defensive. >> never on purpose. >> Well, I'm not saying it's on purpose. >> You said it's annoying. You said I do this thing, and I'm >> say it was annoying. I said it was excessive. >> Okay. Give me 10. Give me 10. >> I didn't know she was that sensitive. >> Give me 10. >> Why does that matter? >> [laughter] >> What? No, it matters. It matters. >> It matters. >> Why does that matter to people? >> clip is just >> But the people online love this clip because they were like, >> Give me 10. Give me 10. Give me 10. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Okay, and we're supposed to say give me 10 is good. >> Yes. >> Okay. Give me 10 is medium. It's a C. It's part of the sentence. Give me 10 because I need a moment to calm down because when I'm in fight or flight, I say irrational things that I tend to regret later. Give me 10 to get it together. It's a good start of a sentence, it's just not the whole thing. Now, mind you, I'm not crazy. I'm not saying in the heat of the moment you have to be able to say, "Give me 10 because right now I require 10 minutes to get myself in a state of calm and connect." I'm not saying all that. What I'm saying though is that even if that's all you have the capacity for in the moment, you got to remember, "Ah, that was an incomplete sentence." So, that way next time when we tell somebody, "Give me 10." that becomes short form for something that they know more intimately about us. So, I do a lot about this. I think this is great. I just think that the reason why often in conflicts when we say to people, "Give me a moment. Give me a moment." and then that person gets offended, they feel abandoned, they feel like they're still left in this state of aggression or anxiety, of desire for wanting to resolve the conflict and you just walked away. When they hear "Give me 10." with no justification, they just hear "You're not important right now. I need I need time away from you. This doesn't matter to me right now." That's not what you're trying to say. You're trying to say this matters to me so much that I actually want to be able to approach this conversation with my emotions intact, understanding how I feel. So, that's a very different conversation. I want this to go well. That's why I'm walking away, not "I think you're hopeless and stupid. That's why I'm walking away. Give me 10." So, yeah, we need that extra bit of dialogue for both people to get the code for what that means and how it actually means intimacy as opposed to opposition. >> Mic check. >> [laughter] >> That [ __ ] snake you got down there. You would just think of that flung. Nearly on It's nearly [ __ ] my boner that was. Not going to lie. >> Really? >> That was like like my semi. >> That was good [ __ ] >> How was your >> Yeah, that was good. >> [groaning] >> I haven't really got any romantic connections. Well, you have me, but >> I've got you. You're obviously my >> Can they have like a third name on them? >> Aw. I didn't understand half of it because of their accents, but I got the gist. >> So, people are like, "Is this going to be the first queer couple we see?" But, it's a little bit of gay baiting, I think. >> Yeah. Okay. I get why it's viral, and I feel like it should be viral of just like this was hot to watch. Just like I've seen other clips from Love Island where people are doing stuff with fireman outfits, and you just share because it's hot, not because it's hot and it means something about that person beyond that moment. Like, it doesn't. So, I don't know if the conversation is around "We're putting this together cuz this must mean their this person's sexuality is that." Because it doesn't mean that. Because that's why identity starts with I and not you. You cannot identify somebody else. It's up to them to decide what their sexual orientation is, and it actually doesn't help when people guess. It doesn't help anybody. It doesn't help people feel more confident to come out and be themselves. It actually makes them feel exposed. It makes them feel like those people who they are not coming out to, if that is their truth, if they're not coming out to certain people, they're not thinking, "Oh, random stranger on the internet is supportive." They're thinking, "Oh my gosh, the person who I'm afraid of coming out to might see random person on the internet's comment. What will they think?" It actually puts them in a sense of fight or flight. Like, it doesn't help either way. If you're wrong, it still doesn't help. And if you're right, it doesn't help either. It just helps Maybe just post them and be like, "This is cute. This is hot. This turn me on." That's fine. You could say all that this what it did to you, but don't say what this has to mean about them. Okay, we're about to get a little toxic out here. >> Yes. Because sincere >> Okay, should I watch the clip first, or you want to get What do you want to do? You watch the clip first. >> Oh, he is a little toxic. Oh, a little two-faced. Oh, yeah. >> I tell the truth, but I don't tell the whole truth. So, I think that's where like the two-faced allegations are coming from. >> Yeah. I'm getting the point of these clips. Maybe that's why I don't watch the show. What's the like? Are we just like, "Oh, he said it." >> Yeah, so in this moment it was the first time he said Liar's don't change their answer, they change the question that you asked. So you asked them something like, "What did you do yesterday in the villa?" They edit to, "How do you make me feel good about the fact that we weren't together yesterday cuz I'm feeling a little anxious." And then they answer that question. So they never actually had to lie to you. What you really want to know is that I still like you. You don't want to hear all that other stuff, so I'm just change your question for you and answer it the way that I think that you're going to want to hear it. So I think that that's important to note, they know it. They know. Don't get me wrong, the best way to lie is to convince yourself that it's the truth or like Sincere said, at least majority of the truth. And the math can get muddy. No, it's like 55% of the truth. So it's like mostly truth, right? Like that's actually how ingredients work. Soy sauce isn't soy sauce, it's like 60% soy bean and then like 20% soy, 40% something is, but then it calls itself soy sauce. So I think that's what people do too when they lie. They're like, "Yeah, truth. Just truth. Mostly truth." But they know the rest is a lie. So yeah, liars know they lie. >> And Sincere's name being >> Sincere is gold. Sincere's name being Sincere is gold because that's such a sad truth about intimacy education that these parents had this baby and they thought to themselves, "What I didn't get in this world was sincerity, was honesty, was people who followed through on their what they say that they're going to do. I didn't get that. So I want to give this virtue to my son." But the people who would call their baby Sincere it's because they never experienced it and if they haven't experienced it they probably don't know how to teach their kid to do that. They probably don't know how to teach those skills. And so you have all these hopes and ambitions for your child but none of the education step-by-step to build that character. That's sad. That's really sad. I think that's sad actually. >> Caleb was a little bit blindsided, too. And like when it's just a cycle of like two guys at each time, and I don't think that's fair to the guys. And like now I'm put into the situation, and I don't think it's really fair to me. If I have a spark with someone, I just 100% but I'll tell you right now if this was not Love Island, I would not be your friend. I wouldn't trust you actually at all. I feel like you're really mad at me for like exploring my connection. I'm not mad at you for exploring the connection. Saying all that [ __ ] to me, it's like I know I'm not a [ __ ] bad person. And I'm not And I'm definitely not a bad friend. And I wanted to be really transparent with you, and I did want to go and pull you for a chat. So like I'm not hiding anything from you. >> Okay. What do the people think? >> The people >> [laughter] >> The people are kind of on Jin's side, but the thing is everyone thinks Jin doesn't really bring anything exciting to the show. >> Man, there's no other way to say this. It just sucks. It sucks. Yesterday I went to the park with my daughters, and a homie came by, and then the homie picked one of my daughters to like make into her best friend. And then her and my other daughter were having a blast. They were on a scooter together. You can only fit two people on a scooter. So my other daughter couldn't fit. She was so sad. It was so sad about it. She's just balling. She said, "Mom, this is so sad." And I'm like, "Yeah, it's sad. It is so sad. It's really sad sometimes where there's just not a place for you." And that sucks, and that's awkward. It's not anybody else's fault. Just sucks. Yeah, like I'm not making a connection with anybody, and the person I kind of have the best chance of a connection with, which that guy actually doesn't feel the same way about you, but person I have the best chance of getting a connection with, you're you're you're hogging him up cuz he thinks he has a shot with you. If you shut him down, then I'll have a chance to have somebody to play with. But it's just not like that. It's not working out that way. It sucks. It's kind of part of this Love Island game, right? And so the guy who's saying, "Yeah, I know this other girl already has another guy, but I still want that girl, so I want to pursue her." He has the right to do that, too. And that girl has the right to be like, "Boo, bring it on. Let's see. Let's see what is what's going to be. I'm just going to exist and accept the attention from the one guy I like and the other guy I like." That's the name of this environment. And then the other person, that does suck because now no one's turning your way. There's no more space left on the scooter for you to join. Just it does suck. There's no scapegoat for that suckiness. There's no other villain for this predicament. It's just one of those things. There's not even a great answer. Heck, it's nothing to do with you. It's nothing to do with you. Just the people who are there, the timing, what's happening in your life, your willingness to do all the [ __ ] you have to do to actually make airtime on reality TV. Speaking from somebody who has worked in reality TV, all the things that they put you through there, if that's not your prime environment to be your best self, congratulations, you might not be a psychopath. Kind of kidding. But also, yeah, that does suck because you're in a space in this environment where it's expected that you're supposed to be able to perform, and you're just not being able to bring yourself enough for for others to see the light that you naturally have. That boo, that is that's a genuine boo. But it's nobody else's fault. Popping in to show some love to the sponsor of this video, Squarespace. Now, if you guys have seen my latest website, you know that there are a lot of moving pieces, a lot of moving parts, which means a lot of money. Save yourself all of that. 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Check out squarespace.com to get yourself a free trial to play around and once you fall in love with what you've built and the way and ease that you can build it, go to squarespace.com/shamboote for 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain at squarespace.com/shamboote. I have a confession to make. I hate talking about reality TV shows, specifically ones like this where the end objective is something [music] so pure and grandiose like find love and find your person and then the mechanism is reality TV, which is just entertaining and fun to watch and interesting, >> [music] >> but we all know it's not real. It's not. And the solution to this problem is not to have another TV show or even me. Oh, I will now stand up and talk to you about what's real. No. We're never actually going to get what we really want when we watch these shows in real life until [music] we turn off the TV altogether and put down the phone because why we're drawn to these shows is because we're supposed to be doing this in real life. [music] We are supposed to be in villages and looking around at our neighbor and seeing their dynamic and watching their relationship and getting a story about it later and talking about it with friends and learning vicariously [music] through these experiences. Hearing your mom and dad argue, seeing your aunt and uncle get back together. You're supposed to have that >> [music] >> communal experience. It's supposed to be like this in real life and you're supposed to see what is happening in that scenario [music] in that moment 3 ft beyond what's happening. Okay? That's it. When I'm watching two people talk, I'm watching people talk. When I'm watching two people talk [music] on TV, I'm watching two people who were set there with about 40 other people behind. One of those people whose specific job is to produce that person's storyline. A human that they just met when they arrived 6 days ago is responsible for producing your truth. A person who works for the production. That's what you're watching when you're watching reality TV. So, it can never give you what you really need. And here we are doing our best because this is all we have. Because we don't have those connections and relationships. We don't have those opportunities. So, we're all doing our best cuz we're all watching Love Island this season. And we're just like, "Yeah, because now we get to actually do what we're supposed to do. We watch other people love and mess up and try hard." And we get to talk about it with our friends and learn. And I just [music] wish that the source could live up to it. But the medium can't. So, of course the source can't. So, it's not a knock on Love Island. It's not a knock on reality TV. As a matter of fact, your girl is hosting a brand new reality villa-style TV show. It's coming out on August the 7th, [music] I believe, on Crave, which is the same network that had Heated Rivalry. And this show, it has sexy villas from across Canada flown to a beautiful villa in Cyprus where they all go to see who can be the best seducer. Still a reality show, don't get me wrong. But I love the fact that the actual agenda is very plain. Your job is not to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend or make someone love you or make yourself seem like a great person. Your job [music] is you know that you are that player in the club. You know that you are that girl with the roster, whatever's clever. You know that that's your vibe. Let's get all those people together. Those big fun personalities who love to charm as a sport. Let's get them all together in a house and we'll see who can play the best. You don't win if you find a partner. You don't win if you're nice and ethical and you do and say all the right things and you have the therapy words loaded up. You win if you know how to play the game, how to charm people, how to get the [music] person that you're looking for, and above all else, how to keep friends even though that you're competitors. That's what a seducer is, and that's what you get to watch on the show. So, yeah, I love reality [music] dating shows, and I think that they're fun to watch. I just think it's sad that this is our substitution [music] for what we really should be exposed to. And that's why I love PDA, y'all. I love real life PDA. If you ever [music] catch me on the street, and you're making out with somebody, and you turn and you see me, don't stop. Live your life. I'm loving to see it. If you're having an argument in public, don't whisper it. Have it. You know, talk out loud. When I was growing up, my parents used to always have us mediate [music] their discussions. I loved that. Some people think that was toxic. No, that was amazing. It's the reason mostly why I'm here today. >> [music] >> I have the passion for I have the muscle for it. Since I was 10 years old, I was being able to observe these dynamics in real time with real people, and see how they responded afterwards, knowing their story beforehand. >> [music] >> That type of lived experience, that type of context, that type of reps, I mean, that's what allows you to really do it in real [music] life. And that's the point, or else we're all just collecting information that we never know how to apply. Just like we can all sit here right now and sing the perfect [music] pitch-perfect song in our head, that doesn't mean we can do it. We don't practice using our voice, we're never going to be Whitney Houston, no matter how much of the notes we memorize in our heads. 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