July 2026 Movies Ranked - Best & Worst

I was able to watch 12 brand spanking new movies in July. Some of which at the theaters, some right at the comfort of my own couch. And today I'm here to look back on them and reflect which ones sucked balls and which ones were a ball. Oh, that's fun. All right, here's my ranking of the 12 films worst to best right now. Number 12, Her Private Hell was my private hell to sit through. Dear gods, what a miserable film this was. Visually, sure, it it looks pretty. It's got some eye-catching colors. It's got some synthy sound to it and a futuristic hellish landscape that it's going for with fog complimenting the [ __ ] I I listen, visually, sure, this fires for a threeinut music video. Unfortunately, this movie is over an hour and a half, and I wanted it to be over about 2 minutes in. Not even the lovely Sophie Thatcher can save this pile of crap. It is artsy, fartsy nonsense in the worst way possible. I don't mind a film that's experimental, trippy, out there, as long as on its face, it's exciting to watch, has some interesting narrative going on. This doesn't. This is some murder mystery thriller where the only mystery is how this film got green lit to begin with. It is a boring snore factory to sit through. A couple scenes of gruesome violence and one [ __ ] dry humping moment do not make up for this trippy nonsense you're putting yourself through in the most torturous way possible. I hated this film. That's why it's at the bottom of the list. Number 11. You make run. Believe it or not, not even Dwayne the [ __ ] Johnson in drag can save this film or whatever he's doing with with the hair and the accessories. Holy [ __ ] is he a nightmare to look at. The liveaction Disney film this week that's not really live action at all since most of it's animated anyways with modern CG and new dangled [ __ ] is about as lifeless and energetic as a rock. We're really far in uncanny valley now. The lead actress doesn't really look like Moana. She sounds like her. She has a great voice, but outside of that, it's like what the what the hell are we doing? Dwayne Johnson, way too old to be playing Maui. Doesn't have the girth necessary for the role. Certainly doesn't have the charismatic presence that's required. I don't know how he did the voice so much more enthusiastically. But, uh, yeah, that's gone. That's completely washed away along with the color of this film. As always with the liveaction retellings, which are just the same tellings with with new technology, it looks drab in comparison to what they had just 10 years richer prior. If you've never seen Moana and this is your first trip to the island, why go watch the animated I guess classic? Is that 10 years a classic? It's so much better. You're just you're doing yourself a disservice by ever putting this version on. It's not the worst experience ever, but it's an insulting one. Number 10. Speaking of insulting, The Devil's Mouth is a brand new streaming exclusive on Amazon Prime. And that's exactly how it feels when you're watching it. I kept telling myself I didn't have to pay for this movie. It's a Prime movie. I mean, I do pay for Amazon Prime, so the joke's on me, I guess. Katherine Newton and her friends enter the devil's mouth. And no, that's not a euphemism because this is a tame, lame ass PG-13 shark film where 90% of it's going to take place in a cave with a bunch of dumb asses swimming in circles hoping not to get chomped to bits. Not that you're going to see them get chomped at ALL BECAUSE IT'S PG13. THERE'S A SCENE late in the game where Kath lights up a flare. Cath short for Catherine. We're on that sort of a level of name basis. She lights this thing. Come and get me. The bull shark. SHE THROWS IT and misses the opening. That's massive in scale and size. But no, she misses it instead hooking it onto the side of his teeth like he's a freaking shark mobster. I guess that's more of a Bug's Bunny. What's up, Doc? And then the shark just leaves for a little while. And I thought to myself, what what was the point of that? Are we going to see the flare in the water later? So, it's a it's kind of like in Jaws when they hook all those barrels to our big Bruce shark and it's swimming around. You see the barrels pop up, so you're like, "Holy shit." No, we don't see the flare again. He just gets burnt on the side of the mouth. This movie is stupid. Number nine. Motor City is one of those experimental films that doesn't have our lead protagonist talk. In fact, nobody talks. It's a It's a silent film. There there's music there there's sound effects but no dialogue. Why? UNCLEAR. I HAVE NO IDEA. BUT THE ACTORS ARE able to capture what is being presented without the need for human dialogue. And I think I'm going to take a page out of their book and give you this review in the silent format. This is how I felt watching the film. It was tedious. ius. It was very tedious, containing one badass fight scene in an elevator that lasts all of maybe a minute and a half. Otherwise, there's really not much reason to watch this. Number eight. I don't know how trumpets [laughter] work. [gasps] This is just me doing two dicks at the same time. Subscribe. Young Washington honors our American president. The OG, the man, the myth, the legend who looked at that cherry tree, busted out his axe. [groaning and screaming] Flawless Victor Tree. Instead of Victory, I puned it. It felt to me like a made for TV Hallmark film. It was very tame across the board with some pretty larger than-l life fisherman tale situations that come up such as George Washington and his his cohort falling through the lake in the middle of the night and then they they tuck up together on a little island until morning where the temps got so cold that the lake froze over and they were able to walk across it. They're in the middle of [ __ ] nowhere. How did they survive? unclear cuz the movie is just going to go ahead and skip right over the rest of that. A lot of it felt very over-the-top without the need to explain things in a coherent manner. It it it glossed over some of the bad parts and it just kind of went for this squeaky clean image. It wasn't a terrible movie. It was just kind of silly in the wrong ways and it never hits like an emotional beat once. So, I'm just watching it as a dead person basically waiting for something to wake me up. I did enjoy the last 30 minutes though when Washington goes sideways on the horse and he's like taking guys out with his musket. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED. LINCOLN, HELP. Lincoln wasn't alive yet, but that would have been sweet if he comes out like Trinity or Morpheus. Number seven, from the visionary mind that gave us Shark NATO comes the spiritual successor Water Park Shark. He actually gave us six Shark NATO movies and then Water Park Shark. It actually has no relation. And this is just the this is the new thing. I have to say it's very stupid, but that's the idea, right? These are these are not like highbrow good movies. They're bad intentionally. So, they're in on their own joke, but it's also not in on its joke like a naked gun or a scary movie, which makes it more puzzling. And it's this bizarre genre of we know we're making a bad movie, we're embracing it, and enjoy the [ __ ] And I kind of did enjoy the [ __ ] but not enough. there there's a lot of just downtime and bad green screen and obviously bad acting. So when you get to the fun moments like the great whites sliding down a freaking water slide and eating someone it it's so few and far between. And for a movie called Water Park Shark, it would have been nice if there were more sharks at the water park with people. Instead, you have maybe a grand total of of five minutes of time with people getting attacked by sharks, sharks swimming around. The budget's low, so obviously that's what you're going to get. But it is a 90minute movie, so you have to sit through a lot of crap to get to the good stuff. But I will say the good stuff, it's it's worth at least watching the clips on YouTube. Number six, imagine seeing a Minions movie this high up in a ranking video. I I'm actually surprised myself. The Minions films have never been anything too amazing to me. They're always just kind of oneanddone affairs, humorous, notable moments, but overall it's it's loweffort stuff. Minions and Monsters changes things up by putting it in a time period during the 20s when movies were really coming into their own and they build a story around this with our yellow Twinkie characters. Since I'm a movie buff, I found all this stuff at old Hollywood to be very interesting. And there's a lot of Easter eggs in there for us. And the humor, for the most part, worked. That is until the later monsters plot kicks in. Funny enough, that doesn't really kick in until over an hour into the movie. It's really the last act when the monster side of it really comes to fruition. Otherwise, you know, we're spending a lot of it with some good chase scenes, some good movie references, and just some good oldfashioned high jinks from our our minions. Not an amazing movie by any stretch of the imagination, but for a Minions film, I found it to be the most enjoyable of the bunch. Again, not high praise, but still a little praise either way. Number five, The Invite is one of those good old-fashioned contained bottle episode movies. You just have four actors and they're just sparring with each other in this apartment complex, bouncing dialogue off of each other, giving some great reactions. There's some fun, quirky humor involved. And it's a star-studded cast. We got Edward Norton in this. We have Penelopey Cruz. We have Seth Rogan. We got Olivia Wild in this who also directed the film as well. And she directed it very nicely. Love the film stock being used. Love the grainy grittiness of it all. brings you into this world. It did remind me of the drama, which I also enjoyed, another A24 film, where around 30 minutes into the movie, someone says something pretty outrageous and then the focus shifts and becomes all about that moment. I can see people finding this to be a little bit cumbersome to get through. There is some slower moments here and there. I enjoyed it though. I thought it was very funny. I laughed quite a bit and it is something I could rewatch in the future. Number four. All the way at number four, I have a [ __ ] movie from the Puniverse. The Winnie the Pooh, Blood and Honey Guys, three years later are making good films. WHAT? WELL, GOOD FILM. THEY'VE MADE one good film and that's Pinocchio Unstrung. I have to tell you, I was blown away by this movie. I was very impressed. So much so, I reached out to the producer, uh, Scott, and I said, "Hey, great job on this film. I've been crapping on you guys for a couple years now. I felt like I needed to just reach out and say, "Well done." And not only did Scott Chambers reply and say, "I appreciate that. Thank you for the nice review." Also, the director did as well. He reached out and said, "I saw your review. I'm so happy you and your son had a great time watching it." I hope that they continue this momentum and they start putting out more quality stuff. They started out just trying to get something out the door because they had very little budget and time was against them. Not an excuse in my opinion. I thought Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey was atrociously bad. It was insultingly terrible. Then they started really getting serious with it and they rebranded the Puniverse, the twisted childhood universe. And they would continue to get a little bit better, but I still found these movies to be all pretty awful, especially that Peter Pan one. Pinocchio Unstrung, though, doesn't even feel like it's from the same team. It looks leaps and bounds better. They're using practical effects work with puppeteering. The kid actors are surprisingly really damn strong. This was a violent, bloody, funny movie. They finally embraced the humor side of it more. They amped up the kills. It's just an all-around solid film. I hope they continue to keep improving and they don't step back, but I will be honest and let you know either way. Number three, I can see this being the more polarizing of the ones on my list for those that care to debate. I thought Evil Dead Burn was a pretty solid film. Some people have been giving this one a lot of crap. I understand the shortcomings. I do agree it's not near as funny as the others. I liked the dark humor that was infused in the the previous entries. I thought Evil Dead Rise did the best job juggling the dark, serious stuff with the humor side of it. This one's just more evil. It's more mean-spirited all around. There are some vicious kills in this, though. And when I'm going to a horror film with Evil Dead in the title, I expect to see that sort of thing. I thought the camera work was amazing. I loved how that thing was flying all over the place. Almost at times like I'm watching a Spider-Man cut scene. There's people crawling on the ceilings. The camera's spinning upside down. There are some longer take shots here and there where furniture and people are flying across the room. I also found the male antagonist to be one of the more vicious ones of this entire franchise. He did an awesome job. The female deadite was too hot though. I I just I couldn't get myself to a point where I was scared of her the whole time. I just thought I I still would if the opportunity was there. I think I still would. The music was also fire in this one. It kept ratcheting up. Uh, I thought the visuals, the the CG work, the practical work, it all came together really well later in the film. It almost seemed like the team working on the thing got better as the movie went on. I'm I'm sure they didn't film it in order. They rarely ever do, but the earlier stuff compared to the later scenes, uh, it was almost night and day at times just with the effects work and just the colors. overall a little sloppy, especially that first act I think is pretty rough, but it does come together pretty damn good later on. So, it's it's higher on the list. Number two, in number two is a Spider-Man film. How does that even happen? Especially when I'm not the the biggest fan of modern Tom Holland Spider-Man. I do like him as Spider-Man. I just never found the movies to be anything too amazing. I found the first one to be the strongest in the storytelling department. Obviously, the the third had the spider guys come together, and that was a really fun time. I don't mean that in the sexual way. You probably didn't think I did, but now now that's all I'm thinking about. And unfortunately, it's now the only way I can achieve climax. Spider-Man brand new day, though. Well, it really is a brand new day for not only our webs slinger who's dealing with uh body changes. There's some chemistry sets that are getting good use right now because whatever's going on with his DNA has to be studied. And that takes Peter on one of many missions, which is to block his changing DNA cells, slap that on his neck, beep beep beep, and it keeps everything under control. He learned this from the mean green machine himself, Hulk, who's also back. And we get to finally see him in his true green glory. He's Hulking out. He is badass. I just wish there was more of it because there is a really sweet Spider-Man v Hulk fight. It goes on for a minute or so, but I needed that to be like 10 minutes longer. I thought Zenaia and Ned were utilized really well in this one as the friends from afar who Tom Holland is going to inadvertently find himself back with the villain of the film. I probably don't even need to keep it secret anymore. The movie's already grossed over a billion dollars, so everyone's probably seen it, but I'll keep it. There is a villain who's mysterious. We We learn later on who it is. I thought that was handled pretty well. I'm interested to see where that goes in the next movie or I imagine what will be a different franchise altogether when we see her next. And the way they brought the Punisher into it was very cool, too. I liked the dynamic between the two heroes. The good cop, bad cop thing played out pretty well. The biggest upgrade by far though is in the action department. Holy [ __ ] this thing was nuts. There's action left and right. Clearly, they take inspiration from the Insomniac video games. There are shots pulled straight from uh issues of the comic. It's visually popping. There's some excellent choreography during the fights. It's varied. It's unique. It's different from what we've seen in prior Spider-Man films. Any issues I have with this are so minuscule, so nitpicky, it's not even worth addressing. This is a great film. Number one. In the number one spot is another film in the billionaire club, and that's The Odyssey. The new film by Christopher Nolan, a director who has yet to miss for me. Out of everything on this list, The Odyssey was the one I was most worried about going in. Even though I have really liked Nolan's previous work, the trailer did so little for me. It was impressive. But then I saw it in theaters and I was very much wowed, especially on that IMAX screen. I actually saw this movie twice. I saw it at a screener and then I took my family to it uh a few days later. And I found myself enjoying it just as much, maybe even a tig more on the second going. I picked up on more dialogue. I picked up on more characters and where they were because Nolan's really good at, you know, really blowing out that audio with the music. So sometimes my old man ears don't catch every single thing. The second time around, I was able to digest things more. I knew characters. I knew these little twists and turns, so I was able to appreciate the cinematic side of it more, the music side of it, and just some of the nuanced things that were going on with side characters. Obviously, it's not going to be for everyone. Some people want an Odyssey that's a lot more over-the-top with spectacle. We're talking about Poseidon. We're talking about Zeus. There's gods and monsters here. But we got stupid Percy Jackson movies for that [ __ ] This is a Christopher Nolan film. He keeps things grounded even when things seem so outlandishly surreal. He's going to do his best to make it feel like it could actually happen in this real world. Except for the terrible CG monster creature that comes out of the side of the cliff. That was just kind of a bad 2 minutes of movie, but I'll take a bad 2 minutes in a three-hour tour any day of the week. I thought the acting was great. I didn't give a [ __ ] about the casting in this thing. They all played their roles very well. And I pray to the gods above that Mad Damon will eventually find a movie where he does not have to search for his home. Well, there you have it. The 12 movies I saw in July ranked. Overall, I usually am more positive than I am negative on movies. This month, I think it was even Stevens. I liked six of them. I disliked six of them. I would say Her Private Hell is the only one I would avoid, like The Plague, and is completely unwatchable. Moana is just another insulting cash grab, but it is a watchable one. And then from there, it starts to build up into spectacular. Uh, with Spider-Man and the Odyssey not just being my two favorites of July, but also of the year. They're easily in my top five. I want to hear from you though. Let me know in the comments what you thought about my ranking. Let me hear yours. I know I didn't see everything available in July. A lot of movies come out and not even I get to them all, believe it or not. Let me know though. Please think of liking and subbing to the show. Adam does movies. Hype the [ __ ] out of this video if you have the hype to offer me on YouTube. And hopefully [music] I see you next time. Take care. Thanks again for watching the video. If you didn't know, I'm a oneman operation here at Adam does. I also have a full-time job. I got a family to take care of. And I would absolutely love if you supported me on patreon.com/adamdosmov like these beautiful people did here. These are the silver and gold members. There's also a bronze membership starting at $1, plus access to over 300 videos from the Atom vault at any support level. I would really appreciate it. It's the best way to support the show. Hope to see you there.