Video summary
In this discussion on hustle culture and personal balance, Dewayne emphasizes the critical importance of equilibrium in life, using the metaphor of holding a wet bar to illustrate that too much pressure or too little control leads to failure. He argues that raising children requires similar discipline balanced with love, grace, and understanding, noting that many familial issues stem from parents who are out of balance—whether through being too distant, clingy, demanding, or permissive. This concept extends to marriage dynamics as well, where problems often arise when one partner lacks personal boundaries or fails to maintain equilibrium between their needs and those of the other person. Dewayne expresses concern over current trends in men's motivation circles that promote an extreme version of hustle culture, warning young men against feeling guilty for simply sitting down to read, relax with a cigar, or think deeply without constant productivity. The conversation highlights how society has swung too far on both ends of the pendulum: first toward neglecting work due to absent fathers and gaming habits like playing Xbox, then overcorrecting into an obsessive drive that leaves young men feeling inadequate if they are not constantly grinding. Dewayne introduces the concept of Type A individuals facing "Type B problems," describing how high achievers often suffer from walking anxiety disorders where their productivity is harnessed for output rather than genuine fulfillment. He contrasts this with Type B people who have Type A issues, noting that while society sympathizes more with those struggling under systemic limitations (scarcity) than those seeking luxury opportunities (choice), the latter group feels compelled to work harder as a noble solution. However, Dewayne points out that for many successful individuals, working harder is not the answer; instead, they need guidance on how to switch off and relax without feeling like they are failing or becoming addicted to transactional dopamine hits from constant activity. Dewayne critiques the cultural narrative found in underdog movies where training montages always involve working harder, ignoring that some people genuinely need to learn how to log out of work early and enjoy leisure time rather than viewing rest as a limitation. He acknowledges figures like David Goggins whose message to "go harder" is vital for certain cohorts but argues it is not universally applicable; in fact, telling everyone to just work harder treats the solution like a panacea rather than a purpose-built tool. The speaker identifies himself somewhat as an anti-David Goggins figure who believes that while there are places where intense discipline is needed, others require a "parasympathetic" approach focused on rest and recovery. He specifically calls out financial gurus who equate physical fitness like having a six-pack with success, arguing instead that the main thing in life should be finding internal balance rather than chasing external markers of wealth or appearance. Central to Dewayne's philosophy is the belief that a good man is born to serve others rather than solely to make money for himself. He explains that while making money benefits his wife and children, pouring one's entire existence into financial accumulation serves only oneself without improving the planet in any meaningful way. True service involves providing protection, encouragement, teaching, training, and sometimes stepping back to let others face challenges so they can grow stronger. Dewayne illustrates this by describing small acts of kindness, such as checking on a tired woman at Walmart, which may seem insignificant but ultimately leave her life slightly better than it was before the interaction occurred. He concludes that leaving one's sphere of influence in a better state than found is the true measure of a good man, encompassing abilities to protect, provide, comfort, reprimand, and discipline as necessary tools to make the world marginally improved through his passage. The segment also includes a promotional discussion about Function Health, where Dewayne partners with them for their annual blood work analysis that monitors over 100 biomarkers including heart health, hormone levels, thyroid function, nutrient deficiencies, and screenings for fifty types of cancer at stage one. He highlights the scientific credibility of the service through Dr. Andrew Huberman as the scientific adviser and Dr. Mark Hyman as the chief medical officer, noting that their data-driven approach offers actionable recommendations to improve lifespan and health quality. Function Health operates a waitlist with limited spots opening every Monday for Modern Wisdom listeners, offering these comprehensive panels at $500 compared to thousands typically charged elsewhere. This partnership underscores Dewayne's broader point about taking care of one's physical foundation as part of maintaining the balance between work, rest, and service that defines his vision of a fulfilled life.
Read the full video transcript
you talk a lot about balance the dangers
of being out of balance right explain
that to me
well let's take let's let's take any a
okay raising children all right um I
like to say that raising children is
like holding a wet bar
so if you squeeze it too tight squeezes
out squirts out of your hands if you
don't hold it tight enough it slides out
of your hands you know raising children
you got to be balanced or has to be
discipline we as human beings need
discipline in our life but there has to
be love and grace and understanding and
so a lot of children who grow up with
issues from being raised you know those
issues are because their parents are out
of balance one way or another marriage
you got problems in your marriage it's
usually somebody's out of balance you
know they're they're too distant or
they're too clingy you know they're too
demanding or they're too permissive they
don't have personal boundaries it's just
out of balance um I
think oh heck I'm G to do it what are
they going to do to me okay um I don't
like the trend in this circle men's
motivation Circle I don't like the
hustle culture as is being brought out
and taught today I don't agree with it
because I think it's out of balance I
think young men need to know that hey
it's okay for you to sit down and to
read and have a
cigar and to chill and to think cuz I
guarantee if you're in the wait
room um pumping out all these reps and
running on the machine and then you're
going into the cubicle and you flip open
the computer and you're not thinking
you're learning you're taking in but
you're not meditating on stuff and
you're not you're not thinking but that
can be taken so far that young men are
made to feel guilty for
just sitting down
and thinking and
relaxing and I understand that there was
a tendency in this country we had a lot
of young men that were not
raised with dads they weren't raised to
work you know and so that it's sitting
on the couch playing the stupid Xbox you
know not growing up learning to work so
that pendulum went too far this way so
now you've got guys who in order to
counteract that they swung the pendulum
too far this way and a balanced man
needs to be somewhere in the middle he
needs to be able to work to do what
needs to be done to improve himself and
he also needs to sat around by the fire
in the backyard and have a cigar and
read some Kipling and
just stay balanced there needs to be
balance I wrote an essay about that this
week week did you would you mind if I
read it to you absolutely not I think
type A people have a type B problem and
type B people have a type a problem
insecure overachievers need to learn how
to chill out and relax and lazy people
need to learn how to work harder and be
disciplined given that you subscribe to
me I'm going to guess you're probably
type A some version of a walking anxiety
disorder harnessed for productivity as
Andrew Wilkinson says here's the thing
you may have already realized type A
people with a type B problem get very
sympathy because a miserable but
outwardly successful person always
appears to be in a much more
preferential position than the content
being lazy but on the verge of being
bankrupt person the problems of
opportunity will always get less
sympathy than ones of scarcity one feels
like a choice the other like a
limitation one is a Bourgeois luxury the
other a s systemic imposition I need
someone to teach me how to be
disciplined and work harder feels Noble
and upward aiming and charitable I need
someone to teach me how to switch off
and relax feels dopam energic and
addicted and transactional and opulent
every Underdog movie ever has a training
montage of someone working their life
out by working harder none included a
guy learning how to log out of slack at
600 p.m. or finally enjoy a beach
holiday so yes typ a people may have
objectively better lives but
subjectively they're ravaged by the
sense that they've never done enough
they wake up every morning feeling as if
they've already fallen behind and only
if they dominate their entire day
flawlessly will they have dragged
themselves back up to some minimum level
of acceptable output which means they
can go to sleep that night without
feeling like they've wasted it
congratulations you might be very
successful but you might also be very
miserable just work harder bro advice
reliably makes everyone more successful
in the only way that they can be judged
outwardly there are very few issues in
life which can't be solved by just
working harder so everybody treats it
like a Panacea not a purpose-built tool
and on average maybe more people do need
to hear David Goggins shouting in their
face to go harder rather than eart T
whispering in their ear that they are
already enough but for a certain perhaps
minority cohort of people they actually
need to hear the opposite message we
need a parasympathetic Goggins who's
going to carry the TV remote and the
cigars # rest harder than me type B
problems are just as tough as type A
ones but they require a much less sexy
solution peace one that you can't
achieve by just working harder I agree
100% I I have guys come into the school
and they're like they're
just I'm like I don't say anything it's
not my business but I'm like you're
going to die young tightly wound just
tightly wound and it's never enough It's
never enough I'm like when is it enough
what is enough you know I've been
thinking last couple weeks I'm like you
know the saying is just keep the main
thing the main thing but I think where
we
Crash and Burn is how we Define the main
thing you know and
it's I see myself in a very small tiny
way infantism way I see myself as the
anti- David Goggins I see myself as a
guy it's like there's places where his
message is needed I'm not knocking the
guy okay there are places where his
message is needed but his
message is not needed for
everybody okay um I'm going to I'm going
to probably step over a line here you
can edit out anything you want all right
I'm really bothered by these guys who
are Financial gurus who will fire you if
you don't have a six-pack there's a
problem there's a main thing staying the
main thing problem with that viewpoint
on
life um and
I want to
see I want to see men
that I'm for whatever reason whatever
way brought in to influence I want to
see them find balance I don't want to
see them find money I don't want to see
them find
sixpacks if
that if that is part of the result of it
fine okay but I want them to find
balance and I want them to find that
place inside where they're like my main
thing is my main thing and it's
enough I've heard you say that a good
man is born to serve not born to make
money absolutely what's that mean to
you well it if I'm Mak money and I and
I've heard all excuses because there's
guys who have a problem with me saying
that all right um but if I make money I
make money for me now I've got you know
my wife definitely benefits from it and
you know my children although they're
grown they benefit from it but
ultimately in the end uh if if I'm pour
all my life into making money that's for
me you know but if I if I pour my life
into as many people as is fitting and I
don't
know um their life is better for me
having come through
I ultimately I want and I'll never know
in some tiny way I would what means the
most to me is that when you leave here
today in some small way your life is
better for us having sat down and
talked that means that means
more um and
uh and so we're you know I I think we
are I think a real man is born to serve
and serve means provide for those that
are in your sphere of you to provide for
uh it means to protect it means to
encourage it means to teach and to train
uh and sometimes it means to step back
and let them hit the
wall Sometimes the best service you can
do for somebody is to when it's all done
walk up and look down and say did that
hurt you know that's that's what they
needed uh but we won't do that because
it makes us look bad and even in our
service to others we do it for ulterior
motives you know but but yes um I
believe that very strongly I believe I
believe if you spend your whole life to
yourself for yourself you have no
purpose of being here this this planet
is not in any way better for you having
been here uh is that what a good man is
to you that's what a good man is to
me when when I when my wife and I and
we've moved we've lived all over but
we've it's been a thing of ours when we
leave we try to leave the house in some
way better than when we found it and
that's how I approach life is like when
people come across my path I
try to leave their life a little better
than when I found it and you know what
that may be just looking at that poor
tired lady checking out at Walmart with
the sore feet and the the glazed over
eyes and looking her in the eye and say
how are you doing today it don't take
much you know know but it's like I
guarantee in some small way her life was
a little better when I passed through
that Walmart line than it was before I
got there uh and yeah I think that's a
good man A Good Man is a man who can
protect and who can provide and who can
serve who can
Comfort who can reprimand who can
discipline whatever is necessary to make
the world a little better because he
passed through
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slod wisdom thank you very much for
tuning in if you enjoyed that clip you
will love the full length 2hour long
conversation with Dwayne right here
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