Is A Spiritual Marriage More Legit Than Legal Marriage?

All right, Angela is asking the tough ones. Why do you only talk about a marriage certificate and not talk about why people should have a wedding in a church and and include God in the relationship? >> So, I I guess the the question is you there you though you can have both. You can do one that's a spiritual marriage in front of witnesses and you know, God's there all the time anyway, whether you're in a church or not. Um so so the question is there's a differentiating between a legal marriage and a spiritual marriage and you know, >> we can talking only. I mean I I I just if I could just throw something in there. Um Jonathan neither Jonathan nor I are religious. We grew up with a little bit here and there. Um but for the most part we we are not non-denominational, non-religious, very spiritual. Um and so the conversation about having weddings in churches and whatnot, this to us is a very secular conversation. It's not a religious conversation at all. So, I want to I I think that's an important >> Yeah, and and to the extent that for those I I'm my parents my my father was Muslim, my mom was like I don't give a Uh but both my parents were born in Istanbul, Turkey. Um I was not raised with any formal religion in the house. I did spend some time considering being born again at one point in my life. Uh read the Bible, didn't didn't relate to me. I've subsequently have created my own relationship with I call it Gus, God Universe Spirit, you know. Uh God Universe Spirit, I feel like I have an amazing relationship with Gus. Um and that's not a male-dominated name, by the way. It's just God It's an acronym for God Universe Spirit. Um and and to that extent, um this is you know, you have to do what's right for you. You know, there there are I think there's something like a hundred different religions out there and I'm I don't know if that's true or not. I'm just making I >> I studied world religions at one time and I >> Okay. So, there is a variety of different religions, you know, a variety of different way of looking at things. I think that's the beauty of the this experience called life. We don't have to follow what everybody else does. You get to co-create And here's the key part of this conversation that Paula and I want to emphasize. You know, a relationship, as you said, is a sacred union, but more important, it's a co-creative relationship. It's not, you know, God, man, woman, like this, in our opinion. And I know that's pissing off a lot of people, but I'm going to say, you know, God's the umbrella, but you're both under it, you know, in in that sense. And you're both, you know, to that extent, you're both a co-creator in the relationship. So, um again, uh to answer your question, I think you can do a spiritual marriage. You can go get a certificate. Again, it's a one-page with the the state, you know, just remember, it's 39 pages when you want to get move on from it. So. >> By the way, the two of us, and I I I I'm going to speak for myself. >> Okay. >> We are I feel I am committed until my last breath. >> Mhm. >> Same with you. >> Aw, likewise. I feel the same way. >> there isn't a piece of paper in the world that will change that. >> Yeah. I got that sunlight behind my See, there's a halo over my head. >> [laughter] >> Okay. So, Annika wants to share that she's from Nevada. Thanks for being there. And then, thanks for the $5 super sticker. Kathy wants to point out you're both gorgeous. Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate She's the better looking one. Yeah. Um Great Okay, Michelle, sweetheart Michelle, great sensitivity around religious partnerships, Jonathan Paula. I I I would I recognize that our point of view probably bristles people that it's very they're religious from that vantage point. And please, I am not here to cast any, you know, is it a dispersions? Against anyone else's beliefs and I'm not suggesting you you even remotely have to adhere to our vantage point. We're more important what matters more to us that you're having these conversations with someone. What matters most is are you talking from the heart? Are you having these conversations about money and and sex and rock and roll and health in the form of I was going to say sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And drugs now is far you know, your your doctor prescription. >> [laughter] >> What are you All right, Angela wants to add we all need money to survive and we should talk about finances. Money and God are two different things. A wedding is a way to include God as your best friend and provider in a relationship. I I am full agreement, you know, um and to that extent that's why whether it's a it's a you know, marriage in itself itself is a sacred union that you know, the piece of paper you certificate is with the government. Those are two separate things. I don't think that I don't think the church is even remotely involved in the process of a marriage certificate, is it? No. So so to answer that question, yeah, that's the legal government part but the spiritual part Angela, I'm in agreement with you. You know, if you if that's important to you. Okay, which it sounds like it is. Oh oh, sorry. Very quickly for those that were curious, CP stood for child porn. That is um that's scary and I don't want to go down that road. Okay. Annika says, do you think men see spiritual marriage being the same level of commitment as traditional marriage? Your thoughts?" You know, I guess it depends on the man who's making the commitment. You know, I I don't again, I I think the the fallacy here is that the marriage certificate somehow binds two people together uh, in some unbreakable way, and it doesn't. I mean, again, we just pointed out that if marriage, you know, ends at a 50% rate, first marriages and second and third marriages, and that a 60 to 70% rate, the certificate itself doesn't bind. What binds is the commitment you make to one another. And quite frankly, I'm sorry, I'm overstepping here, not overstepping, but oversharing, is that I think what matters most is again, if a relationship is not right for one person, it's not right for the other person. >> Yeah. >> Now, if you have financial assets together and those types of things, that's where you know, a domestic partnership could step in, uh, a prenuptial. I I don't Can you do a prenup without being married? >> I I think that might be domestic I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know the answer. But, you know, I I'm going to throw my hat in the ring on this one. I You know, I think that um, she was asking whether or not it's uh, a spiritual marriage is felt the same way as a traditional marriage. >> Mhm. >> And I I want to say I Anika, I've been in I've been in relationships where um, we were not looking for a marriage certificate, and there was strong commitment. Very, very strong commitment. And um, for whatever reason they're not they're not in my life anymore, that the commitment was there. And and again, I think that um, I'm I'm with Jonathan on this. I don't think that we need to have the piece of paper. I would much Let me put it this way. And I think men are men think very similarly. That I think that human beings are looking for and I think Tony Robbins talks about this, certainty. >> Yes. >> And um that that certainty is the is one of the very deepest values that we can uphold. Not only for ourselves, but in relationship. And I I think that where there is commitment and and it's heartfelt and it's strong and it's obvious and it's all the things that that that that there isn't a piece of paper that can tell me it's more ultimate than that. And I would imagine most human beings, I'm going to say male or female, are the same way. >> Yeah. I I would think to the extent that a spirit, you know, I I would think Well, I know a couple who is they they have a spiritual marriage, they have a ketubah, but they don't have a certificate with the government. >> What's a ketubah? >> It's a Jewish um It's like the Jewish spirit ceremony. >> fasting. >> Yeah, and the vows and all that kind of stuff. And and to the extent that I I think you know, even though, you know, he probably, you know, I'm I'm I'm maybe I'm I'm I'm going to I'm going to give a scenario. I'm making up a story here, okay? Uh I think if he wanted to exit the relationship, he still wouldn't. You know, or let me rephrase that. That's not coming out right. I think he's as fully committed to the relationship whether it's a legal marriage or an unlegal marriage. He's fully committed to the relationship. The fact that he could exit you know, with with ease, it's because he's full committed to the marriage is why he's not exiting whether it's with whether he has a certificate with the government or not. >> Yep. It's like you were saying in the very beginning. What was it you said? Someone can be married and emotionally checked out, not committed. And someone can be unmarried and profoundly committed. >> Exactly. Exactly. Okay, I like what Kathy says. I'm on a spiritual I am spiritual. I follow my God. I'm shown signs when I'm on the right path. You know, here's the thing and again, we're probably stepping on some toes here. I think if you you know, for those that believe that they are you know, they walk with God and and their God is is in that capacity of the divine creator in their lives, then everything in your life is going exactly the way God planned. You know, that's the beauty of it. Whether you choose to get a marriage certificate or not, God's already got he's already planned he or she I don't I I have no idea of the gender. >> [laughter] >> They already got it covered for you because everything you do is divinely in in serve you know, in in exactly the way it's supposed to be. That's my belief system anyway. Ty home says, I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life. So most likely there's something happened in Ty's life that I'm going to assume whether you know, a lot of okay, let me address that really quickly. I'm assuming you said that because you were married before and you were unhappy and that's just my projection. >> thought so Ty if you can give us a little >> Okay, but here's the thing. You know what's fascinating? I I cannot again, I saw an Instagram reel. So I can't you know, if I saw it on social media, is it true? Is that what's we are we're telling we're baby we're Gen Jones, then there's Gen X, then there's Millennials, then there's Gen Z's, then there is Well, I whatever. Okay, the the generation of 20-year-olds around today or are far likely to get married because they were the byproduct of the most significant percentage of couples getting divorced. You know, those Gen Jones couples that got married and and got divorced at a very high rate, that their belief system around marriage is such that today there's an exodus of people who are not considering marriage whatsoever in their 20s and 30s. You know, because of being a byproduct of divorces. Like they saw the pain They Well, let me rephrase. Not only did they see the pain in their parents, but they experienced so much pain that from their lens, the idea of marriage is more painful than it is a um you know, a sacred union of sorts. I think we're going to see a substantial decline in marriages because of that. Or you're going to see people waiting till their late 30s and even 40s to consider marriage. So All right, what else do we have here? Uh Cathy wants to say very true, Paula. Okay, good good good. Okay, so Michelle says, "At this age, I don't believe that a marriage certificate cements the relationship. Childbearing years are past and blending families and finances can be tricky." So, this is where I'm And then she also adds, "However, health issues and medical decisions may leave the spiritual partner out of the loop without health care directives, health care POA." Power of attorney. So, this is where Look at you know, you could save yourself a lot of time by just getting married, right? And you don't need these types of things. But for those that are not interested in merging their assets, which are a lot of couples, are like, "Look, you know, I I I don't Been there, done that." Okay, good good point. Is that it's important to at I guess the question is at what point in your relationship should you start considering these things? So, like at what point, you know, we've now lived together, it's been 6 7 months. >> Right. >> At what point are we going to start doing this >> The like health care of the >> health care directives and and I I've talked about putting you on my trust, you know, uh you need to get one. Uh >> [laughter] >> we've talked about that. So, so at what point are we going to do this stuff? >> Okay, soon. >> Okay. >> [laughter] >> Fine, y'all. Fine. >> Uh okay. I've had a question that came in. So, I'm going to add another Okay, so Michelle Okay, it's not to discount what Michelle says, um or brought up. It's very important to have these conversations. Do you do this in the first year of your relationship? Do you do it in the second year of your relationship? Um I I think for those of us in our 60s, if you haven't addressed these issues by the second or third year at the latest, >> Yeah. >> I think you got to start looking at it, or get off the pot. I mean, at least to have the conver to do these things. I think if you're fully committed to being together, as you and I say, through our last breath, then I think it's important to, at the latest, 3 years in. >> Yeah. >> And by the way, I'm making up this number, you know. You I I guess you got to do what's right for you, you know. Okay. Uh Annika's back in. I had a situation where I met someone when I mentioned spiritual marriage, which I believe in, uh but he said which I believe in but he said that was not a real marriage. To him, that was more Wait. He said Wait. He said that not was not a real marriage. >> [laughter] >> I'm dyslexic. >> a situation where I met someone when I mentioned spiritual marriage which I believe in, he said, "That's not a real marriage." To him, that was more of not really fully committed. >> Well, what do you think? >> Everyone's belief system, right? I mean, it's you know, to each his own. Annika, I think that's where you know, you both have to come together and figure out is there a Venn diagram to be had here in terms of what we consider commitment. >> So, I'm going to piss off a lot of people with what I'm going to say. I think there's a brainwashing that there's this belief that marriage makes the relationship fully committed. >> Okay. >> Uh and again, if 70% of second or 60 and 70% of second and third marriages get divorced, I don't see where the marriage itself makes it more committed. I think it's the it's the >> I I I agree. >> Then I believe it's the belief system within the person who's making that commitment to one another. And again, um how we feel today, you know, is also something that can change. You know, we we I believe I believe you and I believe that if if our relationship wasn't working for one of us, we'd have a sincere honest conversation. I hope we would try to make it work, but if we don't try to make it work, I would hope that we have a conscious uncoupling. >> Right. >> So, what makes a relation- I guess the question is what makes a relationship fully committed? >> Certainty. >> No. There's a total uncertainty. >> Well, so you and I have had this conversation though that there is this sense of we're here till our last breath. >> Yeah. >> And and and that's the certainty piece, but we've also given it with uh with room for growth, room for what could potentially be uncertainty, all of that stuff. But in the the in the I don't know how to word it. In the commitment, there lies uh certainty to it to a certain extent, right? >> So, you know what? And I'm again, I'm going to piss off some people here. A marriage certificate is a great blank check for saying, "I'm going to I'm going to take you for granted." Cuz this idea of certainty is >> to disagree with >> No, I This idea of certainty is And let me say where I where I why I'm sharing this. For those of you know, I have a 19-year-old son who passed away 8 years ago. I learned really quickly that nothing is certain in life, okay? And that's the vantage point I'm coming from. I'm not certain that I'll be here tomorrow, you'll be here tomorrow. What makes me what matters most to me, it's why By the way, can I read my text message to you this morning? I just I want to read to everyone what I wrote to you this morning, one of my multitudes of messages I send you, but um but this is what I sent this morning. Hey, babe. What if each day is a lifetime? The good, the bad, the frustrating moments, when I'm a pain in the ass, the great sex, the love in our hearts. Each day with you is filled with so much. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I freaking love you. I I say this is your certainty is only as good as how much you're investing into your relationship every day. Getting married, you can get married and take the person for granted, and you think you have this, you know, divine certainty, you know? You have this divine certainty, >> Yeah. >> you know? And again, and and it's Yeah, it's not the case. I was watching a video earlier where a woman was talking about getting blindsided where her husband showed up one day with a moving van saying, "I'm done in the relationship." Marriage is not a certainty. It's the The only way you have certainty is to fully be engaged in the relationship day in day out. And to that extent, there is no certainty, but what there is is a sense of peace because you feel it within the relationship every day. >> Yes. >> Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? >> [laughter] >> Um Hey, we'd like to hear your thoughts on what we just shared. Post a comment below. We'll do our best to read them all in the first 24 hours. As Oh, by the way, we are wrapping up. >> Yes. >> [laughter] >> As always, if you find value in these videos, please hit the like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel. Hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if you want to connect, hey, there's links below. Schedule a discovery call, follow on social media, all that good stuff. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video with a big gigantic hug to my sweetheart. Thank you. Thanks, everyone. And thanks for those that donated. Really appreciate you. Wishing you a super duper wonderful evening. Be well. Thanks. Bye now. >> Bye.