If You Can Answer this Question Your Confidence Will Dramatically Improve

Duration: 8:20 1388 transcript words EN summary

Video summary

The video argues that confidence is fundamentally the opposite of certainty, rather than a synonym for it. While many people mistakenly believe that being confident means having absolute assurance that everything will work out, the speaker clarifies that true confidence actually involves acknowledging uncertainty while maintaining belief in one's own abilities. This distinction is crucial because relying on the need for certainty often leads to paralysis, where individuals feel they cannot act unless they are sure of the outcome. In contrast, genuine confidence allows a person to move forward despite not knowing if things will succeed, focusing instead on their capacity to handle whatever comes their way. The speaker traces the roots of this confusion back to childhood experiences, suggesting that a lack of early confidence often stems from overprotective or overly critical parenting styles. When children are constantly told they cannot make mistakes or are held back from trying new things, they grow up with an internal narrative that demands certainty before taking action. As adults, this manifests as an inner critic that questions their abilities and a fear of failure that prevents them from pursuing their goals. The video emphasizes that fostering confidence is not about creating delusions or ignoring reality, but rather about shifting one's focus away from unpredictable outcomes and toward the tangible strengths, virtues, and talents they possess right now. To build lasting confidence, the video suggests engaging in significant inner work by examining the stories we tell ourselves about our lives and identities. Instead of obsessing over whether a specific outcome will happen, individuals should ask themselves what supportive and encouraging narratives they can adopt to replace limiting beliefs. This process involves recognizing when the inner critic is trying to impose a need for certainty and consciously choosing to focus on one's own power and potential. By investing time in changing these internal dialogues to be more loving and optimistic, people can develop a robust sense of self-belief that does not depend on controlling the future. Ultimately, the takeaway is that living from a place of confidence rather than certainty serves us much better in the long run. When we accept that uncertainty is an inherent part of life and stop waiting for guarantees before acting, we free ourselves to take meaningful steps toward our goals. The speaker concludes that while we cannot predict what will happen tomorrow or in six months, we can always rely on our own abilities to face challenges. By letting go of the illusion that certainty exists and replacing it with a supportive inner story, we empower ourselves to achieve what we want without being held back by fear or doubt.

Read the full video transcript

Confidence does not mean certainty. In fact, in many ways, it's the opposite of certainty. And uh so I want to talk about that. That's that's the idea in today's video that confidence is the opposite of certainty. I really think that having confidence in oneself is a hugely important part of our mental health, the quality of our life, our emotional well-being, etc., etc. So confidence I think is really really important and fostering a sense of confidence in yourself is a practice really um but it's an essential one. Now, I say that because I have seen from time to time videos saying things like, "Well, this confidence stuff is sort of um overrated and the only way you get confidence is in doing things and taking on action and you can have this sort of ridiculous sense of confidence in yourself and it's kind of saying it's kind of a waste of time instilling a sense of confidence." I disagree with this. And the reason I disagree with that is because one of my ways of kind of thinking about whether something is legitimate is I look at childhood because you know that's where a lot of our our issues come from. But would we say about a small child that they shouldn't have any confidence in themselves? Right? If it's true for a child, it's true for an adult too. Right? So instilling a sense of confidence, having a sense of confidence in ourselves is really important. And the practice of how we talk to ourselves is a big part of what that is. But it's the opposite of certainty, right? What happens when let's say we'll go back to childhood again. When we don't have a sense of confidence, now what I mean by confidence isn't this delusional thing where you're trying to convince yourself of something, right? I'm not talking about that. Confidence is a very downto-earth, practical, essential thing when really what it means is confidence is I believe in my abilities. I have if I can utilize my abilities, express my abilities, I've got a great chance in life of accomplishing things and doing what it is that I want to do. Okay? I've got a great chance. Now when that is not instilled in us as children or as adults right we're walking around I don't need the confidence thing when it's not instilled what takes its place is the need for certainty right so in other words well okay there's this thing I'm going to do I can't do it if I'm certain it's going to work it's actually the opposite of confidence confidence is I don't know if it's going to work no idea uh I really don't it's hard to know but I've got a great chance right because you're you're you're taking your attention away from the thing or the outcome and you're bringing it back here which is you're focusing on yourself with that sense of acknowledging your abilities. Okay. So and you really are not in denial of your abilities or you're not listening to that inner critic anymore and you're you're starting to talk to yourself differently. So in it most of our conf our our confidence issues in later life do go back to childhood right when we didn't have that sense of confidence and that could be an overprotective parent or an overly critical parent right when the child is trying to do things in life and they're getting they're either held back from it they're told it's too dangerous or they're told that they're not doing it right and they're not allowed to make a mistake. So that in later life shows up as a lack of confidence and this need for certainty. it has to work before I'm able to do it. Right? Certainty doesn't exist. Not in this three-dimensional world we're living in. Right? So, the idea here, the takeaway from today's video is notice whether you've been living your life from the need for certainty versus the need for confidence, which is the precise opposite. I think a lot of people think they're the same thing. They're opposites, right? Oh, okay. Well, if I'm if I'm really confident, there'll be no uncertainty. There'll be no doubt. There is. There'll always be doubt. No one can predict the future. [laughter] Thing I've I've come to realize through the years, pretty much anyone that's telling you what's going to happen in the future, a part of me goes, "Mhm, okay. Sounds bit maybe a bit obvious, but there are plenty of people online saying that they know what's going to happen in the future." But I'm like, okay, uh, we don't know what's going to happen in the future. We don't know what's going to happen this afternoon, never mind in six months from now. But what we can focus on, and there's much more benefit to focusing on is our own abilities, our own strength, our own virtues, our own talents, right? And the biggest of them being following up in some of the videos I've released recently is the superpower we all have that we're overlooking which is how am I talking to myself focus but what's the outcome? What am I going to do? How am I going to achieve this and that and the other? What's the story I'm telling myself? What's the story I'm telling myself about my life? What's the story I'm telling myself about the character that is me in this life? Is that a good story? Is that a supportive story? Is it an encouraging story? Is it an optimistic story? Right? So, that's actually the secret really is in the story you're telling yourself about your life. That's a way you can build that sense of confidence in yourself without the need for certainty. So, you're doing things in life and you're like, I don't know if it'll work. I don't know. I don't need to know. I have a great chance. There's every reason to think it will. It could work. It can work. as long as you're focusing on where your power is, which is the story you're telling yourself about yourself or your life instead of outcomes. Okay? So, keep that in mind. That's what I mean when I'm talking about confidence. It's not this delusional thing where you're trying to have this bravado and deny actually really that there is uncertainty in life. That's the the delusional part of confidence is when it goes into complete denial about the uncertainty of life. Of course, there's uncertainty in life, but it's like you can still have absolute confidence in yourself to face those uncertainties, face those challenges in life. Um, so that would be the thing. Notice whether you've been living from that place of needing certainty or and have you gotten distracted from the real work and the real empowering step, which is to focus on your own abilities, right? And to question any stuff in there that's questioning those abilities. That's the legacy we get too from childhood. Sometimes it's like where did I learn that I can't do this that I can't succeed in life I can't take on whatever it is that I want to do with a sense of confidence and if you've noticed that there are blocks in there and there's that inner critic that would be the step to take not looking for certainty that doesn't exist but you can get to work on changing that inner narrative looking up bringing up all those blocks all those self judgments all those limiting beliefs questioning questioning letting them go letting them go and replacing them with something that is much more loving and supportive and investing your time in that inner work rather than trying to change the outcome all the time. The outcome will take care of itself. This is the first step, the most empowering thing we can do. So, I hope that's a useful concept. Confidence is the opposite of certainty and um I think if you live from that philosophy, it will probably serve you better in the long run. So, thanks for being with me and I'll see you guys very soon. Bye-bye. >> [music]