I Spent 20 Years Around Kobe and LeBron | MOTIVATION WASN'T IT

Motivation is a feeling. Discipline is a decision. I intentionally move my body in a workout capacity, say 300 days out of 365. Out of those 300 days, you know how many days I actually feel like working out or I'm motivated [music] to work out? Maybe 50, maybe 75. But the reason I still work out 300 days is because of discipline. Because it's a decision. It's a standard that I hold myself to. Man, what a life you must have led. I mean, to gather all of this knowledge by watching, shadowing, working with some of the most elite athletes on the face of the earth and then to [music] put it into words on the pages of this book. I mean, mind-blowing. You know, I've been able to be in rooms and be in locker rooms and be in gyms with players like Kobe Bryant, [music] LeBron James, Stephen Curry, Kevin Durant, and and I I've been taking and distilling down the disciplines and routines and [music] mindsets and approaches that I learned from those guys, and I show folks how to apply those to every aspect of their life, both personally and professionally. >> So, the two words that are the title of the book, Next Play. Powerful words. What do they mean to you? So that was a framework that I took directly from the game of basketball. Uh when I was working as a basketball performance coach, in addition to helping players improve their oncourt athleticism, it was my job to get them to what we would call play present, which is to always be in the present moment. And the cornerstone of that was this philosophy of next play, which meant don't worry about the play that just happened. Refocus your lens on the play that's right in front of you because that's the only one you can have an effect on. So next play is all about emotional regulation and it's all about how we respond and I've learned to take that concept and apply it again to every area of our life. It's it's been arguably the biggest gamecher that I've experienced in my own life. How how does that same next play mentality to you line up for somebody uh who's trying to improve their health, not just the elite athletes you were working with? >> Well, I have a feeling throughout this conversation you're going to hear several similar themes from me. And one of those themes is to give yourself the grace and space to be less than perfect. Give yourself the grace and space to know that you are occasionally going to make bad decisions and make boneheaded mistakes. We all do it. It's part of the human condition. But the key is to not let those spiral out of control. To not let one unhealthy meal turn into an unhealthy day and then an unhealthy week and then an unhealthy month. So the key is being able to look at it as an isolated moment or an isolated decision. And regardless of your feelings on that decision, just know that the next decision you make, you can move closer towards where it is that you're trying to go. That would be a next play mentality. So, if you do go off the rails and maybe you eat a little unhealthy or you stay off, you know, you get off of your diet for one meal, again, give yourself some space and compassion and grace to to make that type of mistake, but then think, what's the next decision that I have to make and how can I make my next play my best play? Was there anything in your own life that happened that made you realize that it's not so much the knowledge? It's more the mindset that's the bottleneck for you. What happened? >> Well, right now, especially with, you know, uh the with AI coming into the picture, but especially since the internet has been around, lack of information is rarely the problem for any of us. Uh most of us, and if we're going to keep looking through the lens of healthy food and nutrition, most people know what to eat. They they know what a healthy decision would be, but they don't always do it. And that's what we call a performance gap. It's a gap between what we know and what we do. So very rarely any of us getting tripped up in any area of our life is it from lack of knowledge. It's from lack of execution or lack of implementation or lack of action. And the the what connects those two things is our mindset, is our approach, is our discipline, is our belief system, is our identity. So, my goal is to help people close that performance gap and start closing the gap between what they know they should be eating and what they're actually eating or what they know they should be doing and what they're actually doing. And that all comes down to mindset. And the best part, mindset is trainable. Mindset is something that we can all improve upon if we're uh very intentional about that. It's not something that was genetically encoded at birth. Mindset, if you have a growth mindset in particular, is something that can we can all work on and improve, which is the business that I'm in. Is there anything that you you would be willing to share where you struggled with consistency in nutrition, fitness, daily habits? >> Oh, absolutely. And and one disclaimer I always make with a big smile and a wink is everything that I share on stage and everything that I share on page. I'm not coming from a place of mastery. Uh these are all things that I still find challenging. Now, what I can say with an equal smile and a wink is that I've made progress in most of these areas. But almost every single thing that I talk about or I write about were things that at some point I did the exact opposite of. You know, one of the big things that I'm, this is not only a parenting philosophy, but a performance philosophy is I don't believe in blaming, complaining, or making excuses. That's a standard that I hold myself and my three teenage children to. But had either of you met me 20 years ago, I was the king of blaming, complaining, and making excuses. I never held myself personally accountable. anytime I fell short of a goal or didn't didn't reach an outcome that I had desired, it was someone else's fault or something else's fault. And it wasn't until I started to take extreme ownership and hold myself fully accountable did I really feel liberated and feel back in control. But for me, there's two things that come up. One, um, 15, 20 years ago, I would allow myself to easily be emotionally hijacked by the most trivial inconveniences. You know, we were talking about Starbucks before the uh uh we hit record. You know, a Starbucks barista would mess up my order and it would put me in a bad mood for an hour. I'm stuck in a traffic jam and I would just be in such a mood when I arrived wherever I was. I I wasn't at that time mature enough, emotionally mature enough to quickly refocus the lens and move to the next play and focus on what I had control over. I always allowed myself to get emotionally hijacked. And then one more of a macro level for me, I have always identified as being an athlete. So I will say with all humility for me working out and eating healthy has has been a standard of mine since I was a child and that's come rather easily for me. However uh in in the financial department I have made some really colossal mistakes and I I used to have issues with spending. I had issues with not saving or preparing for the future. So um I have nothing but empathy and compassion for people that do struggle on the the health side or on the the nutrition side. And even though that hasn't been an issue for me, it's directly parallel to something like the financial decisions that I used to make that that really I mean for a while put me in debt. Um >> but now that I've been able to apply the next play framework, I've been able to dig myself out of that hole and create consistent standards that I now live up to financially and my financial world has has changed dramatically because of it. One of the most important realizations I ever came to was that our emotions are designed to inform us. They're not designed to direct us. We don't want to allow our emotions to to drive the car. I guess in this analogy, we want to make sure that we're living to a standard. And and when we allow our emotions um to dictate our behavior, then we become inconsistent by definition because as human beings, we're always on that roller coaster of emotions. I mean, any one of us, no one feels one emotion permanently. They're all fleeting. So, what's really important is that we learn to separate how we feel from the decisions we make and how we show up. Now, with that said, I want to make a very important disclaimer. I never encourage folks to resist or suppress or ignore their emotions. There is nothing wrong with feeling how you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with sitting in a traffic jam and feeling frustrated or feeling agitated or irritated or annoyed. That's a human response. But what we can allow that to do is to then allow that to dictate how you behave or how you respond or how you show up. So part of emotional regulation and the ability to move to the next play is to be able to acknowledge, hey, I'm sitting in traffic and this is really irritating and frustrating. I don't like being late for my appointment. However, this is completely outside of my control because I do not control external circumstances. What's a decision that I could make right now or what's a behavior that I could have right now that's in alignment with the person that I'm trying to become and not allow myself to be emotionally hijacked? And and this is something that everyone is capable of, but it does take practice and it's not easy. I mean, it took me well over a decade to get even remotely close to being good at being able to separate how I feel from the decisions I make and how I feel from from how I show up in the world. >> You clearly are very comfortable in your own skin to be talking about feelings and emotions with like two full sleeves, man. I'm just I'm like, "Okay, I I dig this guy." Like, how did you get comfortable talking about this? Well, most of it was just to course correct my own life. As I said, almost everything I share from stage or on page is because I used to do it the other way. And I found that that allowing myself to be emotionally hijacked, allowing my my day to be ruined because of traffic, which I had no control over, basically made me a puppet to external circumstances. And it it it was not a good feeling. It left me feeling shallow and hollow and just not very fulfilled. So, I I was on search for a better way. and and a lot of it has just come with life experience and and hopefully some some maturity. But as I said, I mean, in my 20s and 30s and even early 40s, these things were all a massive struggle for me. And it's only in these last few years that I've been able to make really consistent progress. And and it's like many things, you you can't unsee it once you've seen it. Once you can feel personally how liberating it is to give yourself the permission to feel however you want to feel, but not let your emotions drive the car and not let your emotions make your decisions or how you show up. It's just an it's an liberating feeling. And I'll never want to go back, much less allow myself to go back. >> Yeah. >> But you don't have to give them the power of like letting that traffic ruin your day. >> Yeah. Well, no, you're 100% right. And here here's what I learned. And and I say this with a huge smile cuz it only took me 40 years to realize this. >> So back when you and I would allow ourselves to get frustrated or irritated or in a bad mood from traffic, >> it still didn't change the traffic, >> right? >> Traffic stayed the same no matter what. Now all it did was ruin my day. It didn't ruin anyone else's day that was in traffic. So I found that all of this was self-sabotaging myself. It was only hurting me. It wasn't hurting anyone else. So now one of the most important frameworks that I use in my own life is I'm crystal clear on what things I have control over like my effort and my attitude and my preparation and my enthusiasm and my responses and I learn to let go of the things that I don't. And I can say now on any given day my preferences will be met about half of the time. Yeah. Like I can look both of you in the eye and say it is my preference to not sit in traffic. I would never want to sit in traffic. But I also realize, especially living here in the DC area, that sitting in traffic is almost a way of life and that it's going to happen. And and when now when my preferences aren't met, I have a level of acceptance and acknowledgement and surrender to the fact that my preferences aren't met and I put all of my faculties in, how can I respond to this? What can I do to make it better? And that goes back to when I allowed myself to blame, complain, and make excuses. It never made the situation any better. It didn't change anything other than alleviate responsibility from myself. So now I hold myself fully responsible for every aspect of my life because I know that I don't control the external circumstances, but I always control my response to those things. And I personally want to make sure that all of my responses are thoughtful, they're purposeful, and they're intentional. And when I always focus on making my next play my best play, then even when my preferences aren't met, I'm still moving the ball down the field. I'm still having some forward momentum. >> But what do you say to somebody who struggles with emotional eating, overeing, and it's just their, you know, their cycle, and what's the way out? >> The first thing I say is it's okay. >> Like, you're human. So, give yourself the grace and space to be human. Give yourself the permission to be fallible and flawed and know that you're going to make mistakes and that it's okay to not be okay. that I understand that you acknowledge that you would prefer not to emotionally eat or to overeat or to go off your plan, but know that part of the human condition is that is going to happen occasionally. What I would encourage you to do is then to not let that compound, not let, as I said earlier, let one bad meal turn into a bad day of eating or to multiple bad meals or to a mult so give yourself the space to say, "Hey, I I kind of went off the rails on that meal." >> That's okay. but what's the next decision that I can make or the next meal that I can make that can put me back on that track. And there there's a few again there's going to be a few themes I have a feeling you guys are going to hear over and over from me. And there's a reason for that. Number one, repetition is not punishment. I believe repetition is the oldest and most effective form of learning and skill acquisition on the planet. So if you hear me say something over and over, it's because it's that important. So first thing is to give yourself permission to be less than perfect. Uh, the second thing is, as we've talked about, is learn to slow down and be present-minded enough to acknowledge how you're feeling, but then tell yourself in the moment, I'm not going to let my feelings dictate what I do next. I'm not going to allow uh shame and guilt to allow me to continue to overeat for the rest of the day. I'm going to I'm going to stop it now and I'm going to make my next decision a better decision. And then the third thing, um, our environment is incredibly important and and I'm a big believer in systems and processes. See, I don't think we we rise or sink to the level of our emotions. We rise or sink to the level of our processes and our systems. You know, uh uh for lack of a better analogy, if if you don't have Pop-Tarts in your house, then you can't eat a Pop-Tart. So, so let's do the best we can to create systems um where our environment is in alignment with with who we're trying to become and what we're trying to create. And then we also acknowledge that it's okay for me to feel shame or guilt or embarrassment, but I don't want those emotions to make the decision of what I'm going to eat next. And then one more layer deeper is just give myself permission to be okay. And and the frame that I use is >> how would you talk to a friend or a loved one if they were having this issue? And then learn to talk to yourself with that same compassion. You know, Chuck, you and I are now new friends, but if you came to me and said, "Hey, Alan, I I didn't eat a very healthy breakfast this morning." the last thing I do would be critical of you and and pile on shame and guilt and make you feel bad for what you ate at breakfast. Instead, I just give you a fist bump and say, "Hey, man, that happens. But what are you going to eat for lunch? Can you make a better decision for lunch?" And I want you to learn how to talk to yourself with that same level of grace and compassion that you would automatically talk to a loved one or a child with. But but sometimes we're way too critical and and judgmental of ourselves when that's the kindest person we should ever be to is to our is to ourselves. Why is it that psychologically we are like I don't know so much easier on ourselves in some regard but then like really hard on ourselves in other instances. >> Well, in that regard we we often judge other people by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intent. So we end up saying well I meant to do this so therefore I'm a good person but I saw you do this so maybe you're not. And and all of it just goes back to we should all be a lot less critical, a lot less judgmental. Uh, I mean, that's another framework that has really helped me in my life. Um, as I've I've tried to morph into someone that's slowly more uh emotionally intelligent. And as I I try and give every human being I meet the benefit of the doubt and I remind myself that I only know a very small fraction of what's going on in their world right now. You know, if Chuck, if I meet you for the first time and and and maybe you're not in the best of moods, instead of being critical or judgmental or assuming I know why you're behaving that way or thinking, "Well, Chuck's just not that good of a guy." Instead, I try and lean in with some curiosity and some fascination and give someone the benefit of the doubt and say, "You know what? Chuck could have gotten some news this morning that's put him in a bad mood." And I'm not privy to any of that. So, who am I to judge? So, I I believe that >> believing that most people are doing the best they can with the tools and the awareness that they have most of the time is is very freeing. And then I I would only hope that folks would give me that same grace whenever I show up to an interaction and I'm not my best self. there's probably because I've got something going on in my world that you guys aren't privy to. And and I think just for a a kinder and better world for all of us to live in. I keep using this word over, but I can't think of a better word. We just have to extend as much grace and compassion as possible. >> Would you be willing to share a moment in your life where you had a miss recently and you know, walk us through what the next play looked like in >> Oh, absolutely. Well, I have daily misses all of the time. I mean, no different than a a basketball player missing shots. And and with that, now let's keep in mind, since basketball was my previous world, in my previous life, I use these analogies a lot. The best players on the planet miss half of their shots. If you shoot 50% from the field, you're an elite level basketball player. So that means the best players in the world who have trained millions of hours in empty gyms during the unseen hours to get good at their craft when they shoot the ball every single time it's a coin flip on whether or not it goes in. So on some level you have to learn and this is I say this tongue and cheek you have to learn how to miss. And what I mean by learn how to miss is you have to learn how to be so resilient that when you miss it doesn't affect the next possession or the next time you get the ball or the next shot you're going to take. And elite level players like a Stephen Curry can miss four shots in a row, but it doesn't affect their fifth shot because they have what we call a whiteboard memory. They just erase the whiteboard after that miss and they don't drag that negative energy into the next shot. And that's how I try and live my life. Uh it's not to say that I have a casual approach, but when I make a mistake or I say something that maybe I could have said in a slightly better way, I just quickly refocus and move to the next play. Like I don't I don't dwell on it. you know, when appropriate, I'll apologize or make amends. Uh, I'll learn a lesson from it. I try not to repeat it, but I've become fairly bulletproof to the daily inconveniences and trivial things that happen all of the time. So, that stuff bounces off of me. So, for me, I'm at a point where for me, next play, I'm looking at more from a macro level. And one that I can share with you guys, and and this is kind of cool because as you guys know, my 16-year-old son Jack is here and he's doing some filming for us, which is awesome. Um, one of the next plays I think about a lot is the role that devices and social media have on young people. And I have a 16-year-old twin sons and a 14-year-old daughter. And if we could rewind the clock four or five years, I would probably do things differently as far as when I let them have iPads, when I let them have phones, when I let them be on social media. I would most likely do it differently than I did it. But as you guys know, we can't rewind the clock. and there's nothing I can do about the decisions I made previously. So, all I can do now is make different decisions moving forward. And and this is a topic of discussion in our household is what things can we do as parents to help course correct so that my children in particular aren't as addicted to their devices and aren't being almost brainwashed by social media. And none of this is through their fault. They they I have three wonderful kids that I love very much, but I'm trying to figure out how can I make my next play with some of the guidelines that I put on my children for how they consume social media to to maybe course correct for some decisions that I didn't do a great job with a few years ago. But but I've forgiven my previous self. See, I don't dwell on it. I'm not beating up myself from four years ago and saying, "Oh, you never should have let your kids get iPhones at that age." I did what I did at that time. It was the best decision that I thought I could make at that time. And now with more information, realizing I would like to do things differently, all I can do is focus on that next play. So that's one that I can think of immediately. >> You beat yourself up for your sins of the past. And to this day, I still do that. I used to famously eat 10,000 calories of fast food every day. >> 420 lbs. Man, I was not going to live to see 30 years old, guaranteed. >> And and to this day, I still beat myself up. But then like I'm at a point where I, you know, can catch myself and I'm actually I'm grateful now for that person that I was because there's no way I would be sitting in this chair with whatever level of wisdom this happens to be present day. Um >> because without the old me, there wouldn't be this me. And I'm pretty happy with with the guy who's here right now. And and because now you have unbelievable empathy, which is why you're great at what you do now, because you've seen both sides of the curtain through the first person. And and you have nothing but empathy and compassion for those that maybe are closer to your previous self than to your current self. But, you know, as a new friend of yours, I would only hope that you would give yourself the forgiveness that you deserve. That at that time, you were still doing the best you could do with the level of awareness and the tools that you had. Now that you know better, you're doing better. and and and you both of you as well as myself, we're in the business of of turning on those lights for other people. You know, one of my all-time favorite quotes is a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. And and if you ask me what I do for a living, >> I'm in the business of lighting candles. I'm in the business of taking things that other people have poured into me, uh uh mentored into me, shared with me, and it's my job to pay that stuff forward and and show folks how to apply that to their lives. and and yeah and but it always it will start with forgiveness of your previous self and and that was a tough stage for me and I hope that everyone understands that everything I'm sharing right now is very basic in premise but none of this stuff is easy >> I mean it took years for for me to be able to forgive myself for some of my indiscretions of the past and but I finally got to that point and I'm telling you that when you do it'll be a very liberating and almost therapeutic experience when you can say the previous me is not the current me and all that matters in my life is what I do next. What I did yesterday, last month, last year or 10 years ago doesn't matter. All that matters is what I do next. And I am in control of making the decision in what I do next with and and the you know through the lens of nutrition that means every meal you have a decision to make. And when you fall off for a couple meals, don't let that don't drag that negative energy or that shame or that guilt into the following meal. Kind of like Steph Curry shooting the shots. He misses four in a row, he doesn't care. That fifth one's going in because he doesn't drag that negative energy from the four misses. And if you fall off of your diet for a couple of meals or a couple of days, take a deep breath, don't worry about that, and then refocus the lens on the next meal or the next day. How can somebody take the next play mentality and apply it to their life when they're struggling with, you know, perhaps addiction or, you know, more than just emotional eating here? Well, first and foremost, I mean, as you saw on the cover of my book, I'm just Allen Stein Jr. I'm not Dr. Allenstein Jr., so I would never want to speak out of turn or speak to something that I'm not qualified to speak on. If someone really believes that they actually have a physical addiction to something, then I would highly recommend that they seek out a medical professional or someone who is much better apt at doing that. What I'm in the business of is more on the emotional side. And on the emotional side, as we've just said, is is learning how to slow down, have the awareness in the moment, to acknowledge how you're feeling, to to name those feelings, to realize where they're coming from, and to give yourself permission to feel them, but then slow down enough and be present enough that you don't let those feelings make your next decision. So part of the human condition is all of us are going to have times when we're feeling stressed, we're feeling overwhelmed, we're in a low mood, we're disappointed, we're irritated for a variety of different reasons. And it's okay to feel those things, but don't let those feelings dictate what you're going to eat, how much you're going to eat, or when you're going to eat. And and that it's that separation that we can train ourselves and condition ourselves to do better with. But it is not easy by any means. And and I don't want anyone listening to think that I'm just going to say this and that I expect you're going to snap your fingers and tomorrow all of a sudden stop emotional eating. That's that's not going to be the case. But awareness is always the first step to improvement because we can't improve something we're unaware of and we'll never fix something we're oblivious to. So the fact that that someone listening or watching this right now could hit pause and say, "I believe I've been emotionally eating as kind of a a compensation mechanism for how I'm feeling." The acknowledgement of that is a huge first step. I mean, that is a win. The fact that you're able to look yourself in the mirror and admit that is huge. Don't gloss over that. But then we would move into the next steps after that. But yes, as far as anyone that may have an actual addiction, I would I would highly recommend you you speak with someone more qualified than myself to help you. >> Spouse who came home, had a rough day at work, boss was being a jerk, says, "Forget about it. I'm going I'm going to grab, you know, that pint of hogen in the freezer." and sits down and, you know, tries to soothe themsself. What can somebody do when they come home, they've had a rotten day, and then things just aren't really going their way when they come through the front door either? How can they like train themselves to take that moment to pause before making that decision to go and get that ice cream? >> Beautiful. And that's a very realistic scenario that I think in some degree all of us can relate to. Um, a few things. One, uh, goes back to, uh, environment and systems and processes. Um, if there's no hogenas in the freezer, then you can't have hogenas. And and I don't say that, uh, you know, I say that in the reality of one of the first steps that I would encourage folks to do is have an idea of the person you're trying to become and the nutrition that that you'd like to consume and then create an environment that is aligned with that. Um, so that's step one. But step two, and and this really speaks to what you said, is to have some type of, and I use the word practice, of course, with my sports background, have some type of decompression practice for when you get home from work. And make this something that you do consistently. Don't just do it on the days when you're agitated. Do it every single day so you really build that muscle memory. And maybe it's something to the effect of every day when I get home, as soon as I walk in the door, I acknowledge my spouse. I acknowledge my children, you know, give my wife a kiss on the cheek. And the very first thing I do is I go up and I take a warm shower and I put on some comfy clothes. And that's it. And and that in in and of itself might be enough of of a pattern interrupt to remind yourself that every day when I get home, I acknowledge those that I love. I take 10 minutes to myself to take a warm shower, put on comfy clothes, take a couple of deep breaths, and have some stillness. And that will put me in an emotional state to then make better decisions moving forward. And of course, if you can learn to do something like that, it will become even more important on the days when you are feeling agitated and when you're feeling irritated and when you're feeling, you know, so learn to have some type of practice. It doesn't have to be a formal meditation practice. It could be something as simple as a 10-minute shower, but you need something to separate how I was feeling uh during work, how I was feeling on the commute home, and then I want to have a reset for how I'm going to feel for the rest of the evening. And and I think that's powerful as well because often what we many people do is they give their loved ones and the ones closest to them, they give them the leftovers, they give them the scraps, they put all of their energy into their work, and they come home feeling completely overwhelmed, stressed, and drained. and then they're short-tempered, they're moody with the people they love the most. So having some type of daily practice or reset will allow you to kind of get back to baseline. And then after that deep breath, if you consciously choose to have a couple of bites of hogenas, then give yourself the freedom to do that. That's okay. That means you're human. But don't let it spiral out of control. And don't let it be because your emotions feel like they hijacked you to the point that you had to do that. If you choose to do that, it's because it's a purposeful, intentional, and conscious decision. And my guess is since that doesn't really align with the person you're trying to become, if you have this practice of a pattern interrupt and a reset, you'll hardly ever make that choice to have those couple of bites of Aadas. >> You know, how do you transition from relying from mo on motivation to building disciplines and systems? >> So for me, for me personally, and you just said this so beautifully, I don't rely on motivation as a source of fuel. I do rely on discipline. And there's a reason. Motivation is a feeling. >> Discipline is a decision. So, by definition, I don't control my motivation because I don't control my feelings or emotions. They're they're fleeting. They're they're going to change all of the time. Um, now when I am feeling motivated, that's a little extra rocket fuel that I'll use, and I'm I'm grateful for that. But I don't allow whether or not I feel motivated to dictate my behavior or what I do. Now, physical fitness is very important to me. It's it's a standard that I have for myself and it's one of my core values. And I would say I tend to do something active most days of the week. Not every day because I'm not worried about perfection, but most days. So let's just say over the course of a calendar year, I intentionally move my body in a workout capacity, say 300 days out of 365. Out of those 300 days, you know how many days I actually feel like working out or I'm motivated to work out? Maybe 50, maybe 75. But the reason I still work out 300 days is because of discipline. Because it's a decision. It's a standard that I hold myself to. And in this capacity, my definition of discipline is you make a decision in the present moment that most aligns with the person you're trying to become. Or you make a decision in the moment that is most aligned with the goal that you're trying to achieve. So it has nothing to do with how you feel, whether it's convenient or whether you want to. You make the decision that most aligns with the person you're trying to become. And like many things, momentum is incredibly powerful. When you learn to start stacking days and stacking decisions and stacking weeks of making disciplined decisions, then you start to identify as a disciplined person and that muscle memory kicks in and it becomes slightly easier. So I don't rely on motivation as my source. I rely on discipline and I've learned to to be able to separate the two. Now, I won't argue that if we were to line up every single human being on Earth, I probably skew more towards someone that's more highly motivated more often than not. I don't want to downplay that, but it's still not my source of fuel because like any feeling, it's it's fleeting. And and there's no emotion that any of us feel that's permanent. Like, I've never met a human being that is happy 24/7, 365. I've never never met a human being that's angry 24/7, 365. Emotions come and go. I mean, any one of us right now, we're having a lovely conversation and we're probably in a pretty good emotional state. Any one of us could receive a text message right now from a loved one that could change that state immediately based on what they shared with us. So, we have to acknowledge that our emotions are going to eb and flow and that's okay. But we don't want our behavior or our decisions to eb and flow because then we become wildly inconsistent. And to me, >> the most important controllable superpower all of us have is consistency. And if you can learn to make disciplined decisions consistently, it changes everything in your life. And as I said, that's very easy for me to say. It is not easy to do. Nothing I've shared with you guys so far is actually easy to do, which is why most people don't do it. >> Yeah. What's been uh the hardest habit for you to change personally and what finally made it stick? >> The so the financial decisions that I I I alluded to before. Um, you know, I think every human being has some level of um, compensation patterns or go-to compensation techniques that we use to get us out of feeling a certain way. And for some people that is eating. For some people that might be shopping or spending. For some people that might be drinking or drugs. For some people that might be scrolling the internet or pornography or who knows what it is. But but most people have something that they believe in the moment will temporarily be an escape and relieve me from how I'm feeling. And for me, I I wasn't the most disciplined in my financial life. Um, I would live above my means. I would spend more than I had. Um, and some of that was unconsciously, probably to compensate for other areas where I felt less than. But it wasn't until I finally started to apply everything I've just shared with you guys to my financial life that I was able to to dig out of debt and to make much better, more sound financial decisions. And and and I've had to move to the next play. I mean, I'm 50 years old and I can look back at decisions I made in my 20s and 30s and could easily beat myself up for making those decisions because I'd be in a completely different financial situation now had I made better decisions then. But I can't. I can't change the decisions that the 20-year-old Allen made or the 30-year-old Allen made. So, I've forgiven him and all I can do now is have the 50-year-old Allen make better financial decisions and make disciplined decisions that are in alignment with the financial life that I want to have moving forward. M so important. Uh what does your environment or daily routine look like on a daily basis? What are the non-negotiables that you hold yourself accountable for? >> So I I'm a there was a term in basketball that we would say for a defender. You it's called guard your yard. And guard your yard means as a defender, if I'm guarding Chuck, I'm not going to let him drive past me to one yard to my right or one yard to my left. I'm going to guard this space and defend the basket and not let him get by me. I've taken that concept and I apply that to kind of everyday life. And guard my yard now means more of my mental yard and almost this sphere around myself of what are my non-negotiables and what are the things that I really want to make sure I protect. And for me, um I'm almost obsessive about protecting my morning and my evening routine. That's the yard I try and guard. I'm very very intentional about the first 60 minutes of my day after I wake up and I'm equally intentional for the 60 minutes before I go to bed. Now, this will eb and flow. Uh my schedule is different when my kids are with me and my kids are not because I'm divorced. Uh my my morning and evening routine may change a little bit if I'm on the road for a speaking engagement versus being at home. So it's not rigid, but generally speaking, the first 60 minutes of every day, I want to do something that engages my mind, engages my body, engages my heart, so my emotions. So that can be a variety of things. When I'm home, most days I start my day with a 60-minute walk outside and I listen to a podcast like the Exam Room podcast. Something that's something that's going to fill my bucket, educate me, inspire me. But it's it's a great way for me to again get back to baseline and start my day. I'm moving my body. I'm I'm in I'm I'm I'm thinking. I'm I'm I'm pondering. Um so I want to move my my body, my mind, and my heart for the first 60 minutes. And I give myself some freedom to what that may look like. Um, so the first thing I do when I wake up, I don't stare at my phone. I don't check email. I don't scroll social media. I save that stuff for later in the day when I've already created an emotional baseline that I'll be more apt to receive whatever I'm going to get in those different capacities. So for me, um, that's how I start my day. Um, and now I end my day with some type of reflection on how did today go, like some type of evaluation. And then I end my day with something that allows me to just kind of shut my mind off so that I can hopefully get some peaceful rest. And and for me, um, you know, you mentioned, uh, Netflix earlier. I actually enjoy watching a movie or some TV before I go to bed because for me, it's a way to kind of, uh, escape and to just turn my mind off from everything I've been doing the day and just enjoy a good program. And that allows me to put myself in a position to get better sleep that night. If you roll over first thing when your alarm hits in the morning and you look at your email and there's something in there from your boss and you had a dust up the day before, well, you're starting your next day >> in in a sour mood. Like, why would you do that to yourself? To me, that's a that's an act of self-sabotage. >> 100%. Well, what what you're doing is you're you're opening yourself up to external circumstances. Uh I mean, because we have no control over what's coming into our inbox or our text messages or on social media. So, I believe in controlling the controllables. If the first hour of my day, gen I mean, I don't control the weather, but I certainly control whether or not I choose to go for a walk and I get to control what it is that I'm going to listen to on my walk, then then again, that's going to allow me to to set that baseline. Now, I also realize that everyone watching or listening um is in a different season of their life and has different circumstances. So, as I mentioned, I have three teenage children. I'm amicably divorced and my kids are only with me half of the time. I'm a small business owner, so I have a lot of autonomy and freedom in how I can structure my day. I don't have to show up to an office from 9:00 to 55. So, I've also created a morning routine that fits my lifestyle. If someone listening to this right now does have a 9 to5 and has a a newborn or a toddler, like you might have some other circumstances that would prevent you from waking up and going for a walk for 60 minutes in the morning. So, I'm not here to say that what I do is what I'm recommending everyone else does. I'm just saying that based on my set of circumstances, I've created a very purposeful and intentional morning routine that I know puts me in the best emotional state to then tackle my day and and it's built on my lifestyle. Everyone needs to figure out based on what season you're in, how can I bookend my day? And it doesn't have to be for an hour. Even if you just take 15 minutes on the front end and back end of your day to do something that you know nourishes your soul and fills your bucket, it will make a massive difference in in your fulfillment and in how you show up, in your mood, and how you treat others. And then now you're creating this baseline where you don't wake up chasing the day. You wake up and you're in control and and you wake up and say, "I'm in I'm in charge of my next play and here's what I'm going to do." when somebody has, you know, a really bad case of I'll start on Monday, like how what is going on with their mindset, what what do they need to understand so that they can begin to change? >> Well, the I'll start on Monday is no different than um it's October and you realize you have a behavior you need to train change and you say I'll start on January 1. It is literally, as you just said, and I love it, kicking the can down the road. You're you're intentionally procrastinating and you're you're you're delaying something that you could apply immediately. instead just have the evergreen approach and just say that hey my next meal or my next decision is an opportunity for me to get on the right track. So why would I wait to Monday? I mean when it comes to to living a healthy lifestyle and eating healthy, don't worry about whether it's Monday. Don't even worry what day of the week it is. And that's why I'm a big advocate of not necessarily a fixed diet or an eating plan, but integrating in traits that live a holistic nutrition uh uh based uh uh healthy lifestyle. So don't worry about specific parameters. Uh but think of more of what kind of decisions can I make on a consistent basis that will be congruent with living a healthy lifestyle. And uh yeah, I mean the the kicking the can down the road and postponing until Monday. Um, yeah, it's it's it's going to create so much of a barrier that it'll make it harder to do when the time actually arrives. So, I'm a big believer you always have a next play right in front of you. >> Any decision you make, there is always going to be a next play. And let's just focus on that. Let's not postpone getting on the right course. >> Little steps can make >> the biggest change in the world. >> And they absolutely do. And I love that you just brought up that we should be aware of, acknowledge, and celebrate our little wins. I mean, every decision you make, if it slowly moves you a little bit closer to the person you're trying to become or the goal you're trying to achieve, then you're making forward progress. And that's incredibly important. You know, one of the analogies I use all the time was um if you were ever tasked with building a brick wall. You don't need to focus on the wall. What you need to focus on are the bricks. But if you can lay every brick with care and precision and set every brick exactly where it needs to go, the wall will just take care of itself. So if if someone has set the goal of let's say losing 30 pounds that that's fine but don't focus incessantly on the losing 30 pounds. Focus on laying each brick with care and precision and then the 30 pounds will just be a natural byproduct of that. So don't worry don't wake up worrying about whether or not you lose 30 pounds. Wake up and say I have an opportunity to make a healthy decision with what I eat for breakfast and I'm going to lay one brick towards my goal of losing 30 pounds right now. And then after that, I'm going to move my body or get in some exercise, which is another brick. And then it's going to be lunchtime. So, learn to celebrate, acknowledge, and and enjoy those little wins because it's the accumulation of little wins that ultimately deliver big wins and allow us to achieve our goals. >> You can lay one brick and celebrate that immediately. It's not going to take you years to lay one brick, >> right? >> You can celebrate that day. Well, one of the things that I I I have really worked on in my own life and I encourage everyone to do is to learn how to have mix short-term urgency with long-term patience. So have the urgency in the moment to say the next decision I make is a very important one and I want to make the best one I can but then I'm going to zoom out and I'm going to give myself some patience on let's just say losing 30 pounds because it's it's not going to happen in a week or a month or maybe not even in a year but I'm going to have the urgency of making sure that I know my next play is important and let's make my next play my best play but I'm also going to give myself the patience to say hey reaching that goal is going to take a little bit of time and I'm okay with that. M and so once you get over the initial struggle, you know, it becomes easier and easier. >> Yeah. 100%. >> And on the occasion when you lay the imperfect brick or you lay a brick a little bit sideways or a little bit crooked, you don't knock the whole wall down and go home. You just acknowledge that next time I'm going to lay a slightly better brick. Because remember, we we don't want anyone being stifled by perfection. But I want everyone feeling heavily inspired by progress. And if if you can h again have the presence of mind in the moment to be in control of and acknowledge how you're feeling but don't let your feelings dictate your behavior and you can create an environment that's in alignment with the person that you're trying to become and you realize the power of your next play or your next decision. And then under all of that you give yourself the grace and space to be less than perfect. If you can kind of put all of that together, then I'm very confident that everyone watching or listening to this will begin to make progress on their nutrition and their health journey. It doesn't guarantee them any outcome, but they'll begin to make that progress. And then, like most people, once you start to feel progress, there's nothing more inspiring than that. Then you'll start to flex that muscle. You'll start to identify as a more disciplined person, you'll start to create some momentum, and then it'll it'll snowball from there. And that's my sincere hope for for everyone that's invested their time with us to uh to watch and listen. Thank you guys. >> Thank you. >> Awesome. Thank you. Oh, I feel my feel.