I Never Took Care of Myself I Lost Myself | Every Way Woman Talk Show

I'm everyday woman woman former in every way here here I'm living my life living day by day you know every woman there are some major changes happening in the talkshow world live from Los Angeles here's every way one [Applause] welcome back to every wave woman so you can take good care of anyone unless you take care of yourself but women classically self-sacrifice you know and I feel like for instance Madison you have kids how do you not put them before you and you lose yourself no you can't and kids come for everything else but you know and you don't think of it that way a lot of times you don't think of what you do and the energy that you put into things I have self-sacrifice you just do it I know for sure when I was growing up every now and then we get knocked side the head and you know and look at my mom-jo you'll understand you know and the to understand yes I did and I walked up to my mother the other day and I just hugged her and I just started to cry and she's holding me and she's like I'm like why why are you doing this is like I understand you never do you understand being a mother I mean have you lost any sense of yourself myself I'm kid you Oh mommy's right okay but no but I recently got a new job where I can take my kids to work with me such a blessing it's like you know it's like a camp and they go and they have a great time you know I have Caillou's for size 8 so I mean really they love what I do they're like my cheerleaders actually know I mean you know what that's that's interesting you mentioned that because the whole business about your old mommy sorry see that's how I grew up you know in in my in my family you know my mom and my dad they did their thing and we just went along for the ride we were it's like this is this is our world you are in and yet two of my best friends have what I consider to be very very child-centric families and I look at you know I look at the way that they operate in that model and I'm just like I look at it and I'm terrified because I'm like well is that what parenting is do you feel that wouldn't work for me Cheryl do you feel like you've lost your friends and that you know what no because because I'm the only single one left so I kind of go and snatch him back into reality every so often you know I but but even even that said I think I'm because I'm the single one then I'm the one who does the most reaching out I do the most planning and coordinating and in fact most of the time I have to go do things that are centered around kids if I want to be able to participate Anna you're single but do you ever feel like you've had a tendency to lose yourself in a relationship were you sacrificed to you oh my goodness I have a story for you I mean I mean in a relationship I was with somebody for seven years and everything was about them you know what I mean and I you know it was too much time I dated somebody with kids yeah he had kids it was it was horrible when when we broke up like but what now now I put myself first I'm too selfish and and I am I am happy that I say that because I went through a lot and I'm you know and now so is this a stage in your life where you're deciding [Music] oh well I'm just guilty to a fault of putting everybody else before me my friends my you know my lover is my parents anyone and I never save time for myself and I finally realized that at a point I wasn't doing a good job meeting anybody's needs in these relationships because I never took care of myself I mean three years I did this and and when I was I'm divorced now but when I was married I was guilted into staying into the marriage because I wasn't being a good mother I wasn't putting my children's needs first and therefore I had to stay in a relationship where I had lost myself and there was a lot of guilt playing in that and oh you're not doing this well you're not being a good wife it's not doing this and I and I did and because it was supported by other family members right you know oh well he's the husband he should lay down the law oh you are a mom now either you cannot all live in other states but I know but I wonder at what point then did you realize you had lost yourself and you wanted to get back to the Madison we know enough when I didn't when I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't know who I was wow that's what happened I it was a for me I was looking at a stranger in it you know you put you see the image but you you don't know who it is and that person doesn't make sense to you anymore and that's why I and I had to do that I did that for my children right because I didn't want them to grow up with a mother who was living in the shell of herself do you think that addicts have a tendency to do that I mean they lose themselves to what they're addicted to mostly I you know I had a very close friend of mine who was addicted to drugs and she lost herself essentially to that same could be said with you know friends mine who have had eating disorders that became then why beginning you give your attention to - your treasure I should chew chatter so I mean like my children they're my treasure I love them but at the same time I don't want to lose myself I came out here with her pets with a goal you know and for them to be like my biggest cheerleaders is the best thing in life and then that I can cheer them on write whatever they want to do you know but if I consumed myself with them all the time you're right you know look in the mirror and you're gonna say what happened to me wearing sweats and [Music] when you have a dream your children are part of the dream life is bigger than life exactly that's what I want to do I want to be the example for my children so that you know so that they can live their life without regrets and I can because I can look at me and see that I did exactly the same well I'm going to just try and live in an example to all of you stay tuned we'll be right back every boy woman after this commercial break there's more every way woman you ah you and everyone whoa coming up next Madison and the doctors from finesse are gonna talk about min and plastic surgery stay tuned we'll be right back Society tends to place the same standards on men as they do women when it comes to looks however when it comes to plastic surgery it tends to be more of a women's club so here today we have dr. West and dr. gown who are going to tell us if we have a misconception about men in plastic surgery so gentlemen coming from a plastic surgeon and a man's point of view how challenging do you think it is for a man to pick up the phone and call about changing some of his looks it's interesting question certainly is not as easy as it is for a woman because it's expected the woman is gonna be walking into a plastic surgeon's office firm and whoever the same issues exist the man's looking at himself in the mirror as he's aging seeing the bags under the eyes the increase in wrinkles the heavy tired look and he's getting those kinds of comments from other people at work or around him with his peers and eventually the phone call comes in we treat every male that comes in just as we do our women consultations with this same questions the same criteria for what is it about yourself that bothers you most that you want to change about yourself now what would you say is the most common thing that a man calls in for or comes in for as interesting I think that you know I don't think there's any one thing that stands out with men I mean I think that we see we see a range of issues we see 20 year old men who come in with breast tissue that there are happy with Wow we see 20 year old yeah we see you see 50 500 men who come in they don't like the way their eyes look so we see a spectrum I think they're the same way I don't think I could tell you there's one most common thing that women come in for they with men you see a range of issues anything from you know the face to the chest to the rest of their body so the same issues really that dr. gawa saying sandwiches they touch women now with men they tend to have a well that's at some point and they're just in the facelift what is something that you would suggest that they do or how can you get around that so it's not a particular thing good that it's a concern except if the male pattern barlas is across the top of the head and we're considering a brow lift surgery or a forehead lift surgery with a face lift we hide the incisions such that it's in front of the ear behind and behind into the hairline which most men still have is that pattern from behind the hair whereas up top is where we start to thin out so in those cases if we do entertain a brow lift or forehead lift we simply use a different technique we use the endoscopic approach which uses much smaller incisions very well hidden very well placed to achieve the outcome do you see that the same do you see that men get the same confidence change when they go in for a procedure when they come out yeah I think absolutely I mean whether it's the face or the body so you know take a 60 year-old man who comes in and says you know I'm in the workforce I'm concerned that over time you know the company may start to look for to bring in more youthful appearing good people to form management let's say you know they're we're not holding on to a job or a man who's lost his job he's trying to get back from the workforce you do facial surgery with its face that eyelid surgery you take ten years off the appearance a person's face and you absolutely it drives up their confidence tremendously so you know they go back whether they're currently employed and going back and they think oh I'm gonna keep my job for 15 years so this or somebody who was out of work it's that extra boost of confidence to go back on the interview trail knowing that no one's gonna judge them or the same way you look at their jobs to say well I'm not sure this person's like this age that I can bid yeah that is very interesting because you're seeing that Manton would tend to go in for a financial reason like keeping their job or getting their job where women might come in for a relationship reason like getting a man or keeping their man I think we see both I mean it's a little bit of both because you see men who are trying to get back into the dating scene after divorce who come in from the same reasons I'm about to get back out there and I want to look my best so I think the reasons often come down to a lot of the same weeds of the drive with me now is it something that you would consider in the future dr. anyone take that one everybody wants to have an improved version of themselves and so even if it's something simple like a Botox treatment to feather out some of the the weathered lines or the wrinkles as we age to something that's transformational like a body contouring surgery whether it be non-invasive like CoolSculpting or liposuction to get rid of those nasty love handles that don't go away and no matter how much you go to the gym work out things change as you grow older your metabolism changes and it's not as easy as it was in back in your 20s so body sculpting isn't just for women absolutely not absolutely not that we have I've treated my own brother I've treated surgeons that we work with at the hospital next door they'll come by between cases and get treated absolutely no or our office it's not it's I don't think we're at the point where were 50/50 male/female but you see there's a they've documented over and over there's a growing trend and then having more cosmetic procedures perform a surgical and non-surgical it's less of a stigma than it used to be okay so in society it's becoming it's becoming more acceptable for men to come in and we certainly also treat a lot of couples they'll come in for couples surgery do you do discounts oh no a lot some men you know in terms of looking at who comes into some people sometimes it's men coming in by themselves for the first time but frequently they're coming in with their wives there now they have an excuse to come in they see that the wife has well taken care of they've already been the office they decide well well I'm here I think I want to talk to you about something so they come in in a lot of different ways but no it's absolutely - it's used 20 years ago you wouldn't see very many men in the waiting room a posture just office now it's not uncommon to walk out and see a third of the patients in the waiting room are men oh wow well thank you dr. West thank you dr. gown they're from finesse Plastic Surgery and thank you for changing your view on men and plastic surgery for more information about what they do check out the website at the Nast plastic surgery com ah you and everyone whoa my doctor west after MIT I hadn't thought about plastic surgery till recently I want to kind of look like this because they're starting to droop but a little perky what recommendation would you give me not a lot just make them perky so we get that question all the time so if you're happy with your breast size if you like the way your breasts local internet bra then the procedure you're probably asking about is a breast lift and with a breast lift what we do is we take all of your available tissue and we just reposition it so you look more like you were when you were 20 if it's about being a larger and being lifted then we're talking about implant surgery and a lift so it really depends on what you look like so the best thing to really do is you want to schedule consultation so that somebody can evaluate you doctor going I'm a mover this long my daughter surprisingly has also been hinting around getting a little work done I'm nervous okay as a mother what should I tell her about plastic surgery well you should tell her that it's a personal decision that she can make on her own and so you can certainly come in with her when you have the consultation for yourself and with her so we can talk about things in front of each other or if she wants to be more private schedule a consultation to see us alone and then we can go through all the options that you know we would go for augmentation or breast lift for anything that she wants but it's gonna be customized consultation just for her which is different from what we talked about with you because she's actually wanted a reduction and she's nervous about what her friends are gonna say because you know she's scared of the stigmatism is there anything that I can share with her not to be worried about it cuz having a lot of back pain well I think that we actually see the opposite we find that most women are really self-conscious but for reduction because they get teased that their large size we find that they they withdraw from Social scene's we find that they don't participate in as much as many sports so after reduction actually it's one of the procedures that boost the confidence more than anything else we do it's a great surgery for young women and in fact one of the things we hear all the time is people coming in saying gosh I wish I'd done the reduction sooner well it looks like you guys might get two for the price of one thank you for joining us on every way woman stay with us we'll be right back you ah you and everyone whoa welcome back to every way woman I have our color specialist and high-end fashion specialist Jenice Marshall with us and we're just going to talk about Jenice Marshall so Jenny's tell us why you got into the fashion industry in the first place well I'm a military brat so I've lived all over the world and I was able to get a lot of influence from other places and I think that's important to combine to become a stylist and to get into fashion and when I moved back to the States I saw that Europe was so far ahead and I really wanted to bring the the forward-thinking into American way of dressing mm-hmm now did you go into fashion as wanting to be a model did you go in wanting to be a designer what was it that brought you in I went into the fashion industry because I did want to be a model but unfortunately I'm only 5 foot 4 and not 5 foot 8 so that ended that career and then I wanted to become the next Donna Karen so I went to Virginia Tech and became a fashion designer and just went to Los Angeles instead of New York so I'm being someone who's really enthusiastic about fashion yeah Dease what do you see about fashion that can really help or hinder women or and their image when it comes to fashion if you're wearing the wrong color or the wrong fit I really think that kind of hinders your confidence but when you have the right fit in the right color you can walk out there in the world and just feel confident in anything that you do was there anything while you were in fashion that kind of it was a big lesson for you or something that really touched you or I think it was cuz growing up you know I wasn't a confident girl I just kind of let people be it beat on me and I just believed everything that people said but when I found out that clothes could make me feel confident and make me portray a certain way to people that's was the biggest lesson how do you feel about fashion and the impact that it has on young developing girls well I hate to say this because I think some of the fashions that we have now for young girls are a little too provocative mhm and I wish that they could learn how to dress more for themselves and cover things up that should be covered up and yet not give the message that is across to what they were what message is that I think girls should remain girls for as long as they can and what I mean by that is you don't need a boy you don't need this person or that person and it just remained the girl so that you can have your own confidence and go out there if action does impact young girls sometimes in a very positive way and I know you're trying to move it into a very positive way but sometimes it can impact girls in a very negative way and one of the things that we see coming out through fashion is this unrealistic idea of being thin yes how did that impact you growing up I was not chunky I wouldn't say but I had compared myself to other girls that were very thin and then that created in me an eating disorder which I struggled with for 15 years and I would really hope that the young girls nowadays would not want to be that thin it's unhealthy and the physical things that you go through is just horrendous what were some of the physical things that you went through my teeth are rotten I hate to say that we got rotten I've taken good care of them but I've had to spend thousands of dollars just now my knees hurt there are certain things that hurt your hair falls out took years to grow it back and one was it was there a moment when you realize that I have a problem or did it have to hit you did someone have to hit you over the head with it I knew I had a problem but I didn't want to admit to it I went to rehab when I was very we're not young when I was early 20s signed myself out because I didn't believe that I had a problem and then when I turned 30 and still was dealing with it I knew that I had a huge problem and take care of it I remember you had mentioned once that there was a moment and it was when you were you were on a table yes can you tell us a little bit about that moment I was on a table with another IDI we call we call eating disorders Edie friend and she just grabbed my hand she said whatever you do don't be doing this when you're 30 and I just thought oh I couldn't do that's eight years from now I'd be over it but this thing just really it destroys you it destroys your heart destroys your life and that was the moment when I turned 30 that I remembered back to that I had a change mm-hmm and sometimes I know eating disorders really do kind of carry cover a huge umbrella of different types of eating disorders some of them are binge eating you go to the refrigerate and just eat compulsively sometimes it's about not eating enough I'm do you mind talking a little bit about the type of eating disorder that you befriended yes um it started out as just over exercising and I would exercise basically 5 hours a day and then somebody told me in college I hate to say this that there's an easier way and that's how I learned about bulimia which is throwing up it's over eating and then getting rid of it and then finally that became too difficult so I just stopped eating basically my diet was coffee and cigarettes for years so what was your focus on sometimes I say bulimia is associated with being able to fill yourself emotionally and you'll do that with food and then anorexia can be attached to just about being thin yes there is a misperception with that anorexia starts that wanting to be thinner but there's a there's kind of like a point where some people go oh this is too hard I'm gonna go back to living a normal lifestyle and then there's that line where you just go over and it's just about being in control because your life is so out of control or you were raised in not a control mean you weren't raised in a family or an experience that was good so you just internalize and it's all about control mm-hmm because you have but we have a very picture-perfect type of family right you'll see the pictures on the wall and you would never know know that there's this huge river underneath all those no you can go find that picture um do you have any words of encouragement for because right now on the web you'll see things like on YouTube there are young girls who are posting videos of themselves that are they want to be spin and these they send these pictures out about if they're hip bones how far out they're hip bones stick out it says how great they look so if they stick out a lot they were great so I mean we would associate that with they have a disorder yes what would you say to someone who just posted a YouTube video of themselves with their hip bones sticking out an inch and a half past their the flat of their belly putting up look how sexy I am what would you say to that person what I would say to that person is it's all about who they are inside and it's not about what they look like on the outside and to to continue to working on what they are on the inside because that's what's so important and being thin is going to do nothing but destruct their lives and it's not worth it so I have one more question at what age do you think you approached that I when I think back I really think it started when I was in about third grade okay so I'm gonna ask you another question okay what would you say to Jenice in third grade what would you say to that girl I would tell her not to worry and that everything was going to be okay and that you don't have to control anything and just enjoy your life thank you thank you for those beautiful words and we will see more of Janine Marshall in the future being our color specialist and fashion expertise every woman gives back to the community go to every way woman come to find out how you can match our donations of undergarments for needy kids thanks for getting to know every way well then this has been an every way woman production I'm every day woman woman woman in every way hee hee living my life leaving get birthday are you and everyone [Music]