Video summary
The speaker reflects on his journey as a corporate keynote speaker, where he set a specific revenue goal for three consecutive years but fell short each time. Rather than viewing these missed targets as definitive failures, he reframed them as essential learning opportunities that fueled significant personal and professional growth. By the fourth year, this mindset shift allowed him to finally achieve his financial target, only to immediately recalibrate and raise the bar even higher for the next challenge. This experience taught him that failure is not a permanent state but a momentary checkpoint on a continuum of progress, serving as a proving ground to determine one's current position relative to their goals.
Central to this philosophy is the rejection of childhood conditioning where failure was treated as a catastrophic event to be avoided at all costs. The speaker now actively models resilience for his children, encouraging them to see setbacks as valuable data points that inform future attempts rather than reasons to quit. He advocates for setting ambitious goals that are so lofty they can only be hit about half the time, ensuring that falling short is an expected part of the process rather than a disaster. This approach requires accepting the inherent possibility of missing shots or striking out, much like elite athletes in baseball and basketball who understand that even world-class performers fail frequently yet remain successful because they own both sides of that reality.
To truly thrive, one must avoid the trap of lowering standards or adopting an attitude of nonchalance to hedge against failure, as such indifference leads to a hollow and unfulfilling life. Instead, the speaker urges individuals to care deeply about their passions and go all-in on what excites them, fully aware that they might not hit every target. This courage to declare one's importance and pursue goals with fervor creates a rich experience where failure becomes a motivator rather than a demoralizing blow. When outcomes do not align with expectations, the focus remains on the process and inputs, using the result as a measuring stick to reverse-engineer improvements for the next attempt.
Ultimately, the speaker emphasizes that true freedom comes from understanding that we are capable of both greatness and mediocrity, and it is okay to own both aspects of the human condition. By focusing on consistency during the unseen hours and maintaining enthusiasm regardless of the outcome, adversity transforms into fuel for moving forward. The concept of the "next play" becomes crucial here; whether it is a missed shot or a failed year, the question shifts immediately to what action can be taken next. This liberating perspective allows individuals to stop worrying about outcomes and instead concentrate on doing their best work, knowing that every setback provides a powerful lesson for future success.
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in my own business, in my speaking
business. Um, for three straight years,
I set a revenue goal of revenue that I
wanted to earn as a corporate keynote
speaker. And for three straight years, I
fell short of that goal. So, one could
say I failed, but I learned so many
different lessons and grew so much as a
speaker and as a small business owner
during those years that it allowed me
finally in the fourth year to then hit
that mark and and finally hit that goal.
So, I'm 50 years old. I'm a product I
basically grew up in the '80s and in the
'90s. And when I was growing up in my
household, failure was a bad word.
Failure was like the other F word that
you would do everything you could do to
not fail. That you didn't want to fail a
test or you didn't want to get cut from
the team or you didn't want because
those those were actually bad signs.
Um, so I've had to really um,
redefine that in my head and And that
was to no fault of my parents. My
parents did the best they could with the
tools they had at that time. But with my
children, I'm trying to do things
differently and letting them know that
hey, failure's just a yardstick.
Failure's just a a
it's a proving ground. It's it's a way
that you can figure out where you are on
that continuum of where it is that
you're trying to go and that failure is
never permanent. And and one of the most
important things that um, I try to model
for my children, but I hope that they
emulate is the ability to be resilient.
Is the ability to fail at something,
learn a very important lesson from it,
and then have the optimism and
enthusiasm to try it again. And as you
just said, slowly whittle down and
course correct until you're going to hit
that bull's eye. Sometimes you shoot
short, sometimes you shoot long,
sometimes you shoot right, sometimes you
shoot left. Well, let's learn from each
of those and slowly start to whittle it
down until we get where we need to be.
And we can only do that if if we look at
failure as an opportunity for growth, as
an opportunity to learn a new lesson,
and as long as it doesn't dim our
enthusiasm or our optimism, then we can
and going. So, to at present, today,
I mean, I don't worry about failure at
all. You know, I mean, I know even in in
my own business, in my speaking
business,
for three straight years, I set a
revenue goal, a revenue that I wanted to
earn as a corporate keynote speaker, and
for three straight years, I fell short
of that goal. So, one could say I
failed, but I learned so many different
lessons and grew so much as a speaker
and as a small business owner during
those years that it allowed me finally
in the fourth year to hit that mark and
and finally hit that goal. But then what
I did as soon as I hit that goal is I
recalibrated and said, "Okay, I need to
change and raise the bar for next year
and be able to try and hopefully hit
that goal again." So, I didn't allow
failing three straight years of hitting
that revenue goal to in any way dampen
my spirits or my optimism or my
enthusiasm. I actually looked at it as a
good thing. Like, man, I fell just a
little bit short. I was so close. What
do I need to do differently next year to
maybe get a different outcome? So, for
me, I try and lean into that. And And
for me personally, I want it to be
around a coin flip. I want to set goals
so lofty that I only hit them about half
of the time, which means in theory, I'm
failing half of the time, and I get just
as excited when I fall short because I
know that there's a way that I can go in
and learn a powerful lesson and then do
it differently the next time.
>> Yeah. And I imagine it's a like I don't
want to fail, right? I don't want to
fail, but I'm going to set goals so high
that if I fail, failing is better than a
lower goal and me succeeding. Right? I
want to set goals so big, so ambitious
that failure is not actually bad. It's
just an opportunity for me to grow.
>> Yes.
>> And I want to put myself in positions
where I can fail, where that's a
possibility, not because I want to fail,
but because I want to grow. And I want
my failure because it's going to be
inevitable in the positions that I'm
putting myself into to not be
a slap in the face or something that
makes me look down and hold my head, but
something that actually motivates me to
go forward and be better in the future.
>> I love that because as you just said,
one of the ways to hedge against failing
is to lower your standards and lower
your expectations so low that it'd be
impossible to fail. But that's not
living a fun or fulfilled life. So to
me, the higher we can raise that bar and
stretch our limits, the better. Now, you
mentioned you you have a baseball
background. I have a basketball
background. Well, failure is already
inherently built into both of those
sports. I mean, I I don't know near as
much about baseball as you do, but I
know enough to know that even the best
hitters in the world either strike out
or get out seven out of 10 times. So if
if you can hit the ball or get on base
three out of 10 times, you're
world-class at your craft, at least at
the skill of hitting. So that means 70%
of the time you technically failed.
Basketball is more of a coin flip. The
best shooters shoot around 50%, which
means
every other shot is going to be a make
or miss. And I I think it's important
for us to acknowledge, to accept, and
surrender to the fact that those are
possibilities. You know, of course we
don't you don't want to strike out. I
don't want to miss a jump shot, but it's
important that we own the fact that
those are both very realistic
possibilities. To me, one of the the
traits that the best winners have is the
acknowledgement that they can lose, that
there is another side of that coin that
is possible. And it's being able to play
in both of those worlds that's so
important. Now, you don't want to lose.
That's not your preference, but you
better have the humility to acknowledge
that it is definitely possible. So, I
have the skill sets and the the ability
to achieve my speaking goal,
but I also have it in me to fall short.
Like I have to own both sides of that.
And and to me that's that's really
important. And it also will relieve some
pressure when you can acknowledge and
accept the fact that if you're capable
of being great,
you're also capable of sucking. It is
part of the human condition, and it is
okay to own both of those things. To me,
that's what gives us full expression and
full freedom. It's to understand that
yes, all of these are possibilities, but
I'm going to focus on the things I have
control over, especially during the
unseen hours. I'm going to be as
consistent as possible and I'm going to
put myself in a position that gives me
the best chance to be successful
as often as possible. And then when
things fall short and I'm not successful
or I fail, whether it's at a single at
bat or a single shot or a single year's
worth of speaking, then I'm going to be
able to look back on that and I'm going
to learn some lessons. I'm going to
figure out how I can reverse engineer it
and and change things and do things
slightly differently moving forward cuz
what I said earlier is so important.
Failure is never permanent. It's a It's
It's momentary. And that's really where
the entire concept of next play comes
in, which I know you touched on earlier,
so we might as well swerve in that
direction now is is yeah, so I fell a
little bit short of my goal. What's the
next play? You know, I struck out that
at bat. What's What's the next play? I
missed that shot. What's the next play?
That conversation didn't go as well as I
had hoped. What's the next play? And and
as long as we're focused on making our
next play our best play, then we're not
wasting the adversity that we just had.
We're not wasting that challenge. We're
not wasting that strikeout or that
missed shot. We're actually using it as
fuel to move forward, which again is
such a liberating approach to have
because it means I don't worry at all
about outcomes. I'm always focused on
the process. I'm always focused on the
inputs and I can use the outcomes or the
results as kind of a measuring stick and
when they don't line up the way that I'd
hoped, then how can I change something
on the process or the inputs to try
again and let's see if we can get a
better outcome this time.
>> Right. And something I noticed about you
is you obviously care so much about what
you do. And you have this energy that is
magnetic as I'm here listening to you.
The room is just on fire and something
that I see a lot of among young kids
when we talk about lowering that bar so
that we can hedge against failure is
they don't even just lower the bar they
act as if the goal doesn't mean that
much to them. And so this idea I just
wrote it down here of nonchalance is is
such this like almost want to be trait
among among kids these days among people
my age and my peers. And what I find is
people act nonchalant so just in case
they fail at the thing it never even
mattered that much to them in the first
place.
>> Yes and there's a a few sister words to
nonchalance and one of those would be
apathetic.
>> Mhm.
>> Indifferent.
>> Yeah.
>> And those are definitely not words that
I believe will lead to an enriching
fulfilling life. Now you don't have to
care about everything with with equal
fervor like you don't have to be excited
about everything in the world but I
highly recommend you whittle it down to
the things that do excite you. The
things that do give you energy the
things that you are curious about or
fascinated by or passionate about and
that you don't take a nonchalant
approach to that that you try and go all
in and just live with the fact that you
could fall short. That that you might
not hit your target that you might not
get the results that you would hoped but
here here's the thing if everything you
do has this indifference to it or is
somewhat apathetic or you're nonchalant
about everything then even when you do
hit it it doesn't really matter because
you don't really seem to care about it.
So to me it takes a tremendous amount of
courage to put yourself out there and to
tell the world this matters to me and
I'm passionate about this and I'm going
to go after it with everything I've got
and I'm well aware of the fact that I
could fall short and I could fail but
I'm okay with that because I know that I
gave it everything that I had to me that
will lead to a much more fulfilling life
and I understand logically the
nonchalant approach is as you just said.
So if I don't reach my goal, who cares?
I didn't try anyway. And I've gone
through portions of my life where I've
had that approach with certain things.
And I tell you what, it'll leave you
feeling very empty and very hollow. So,
I would not recommend taking that
approach. I would recommend putting
yourself on the line, announcing to the
world what you think is important and
what really drives you and excites you,
and going after it with everything
you've got. And if you fall a little
short, it's okay. Learn a lesson and try
again. Or maybe even learn the lesson
that I'm not as passionate about this
thing as I originally thought, and maybe
this will put me on a better course to
try something different. All of these
are great options. But to me,
indifference and apathy are two words
that I hope are never within 7° of of
someone describing me.
>> Yeah. Some of the best basketball
players you've worked with, like Kevin
Durant, Steph Curry, were they
nonchalant?
>> No, not at all. No, they were very
shallot in everything that they did.
Their approach, but they had also
realized, like, I love the game of
basketball. This game is very, very
important to me, and I want to be the
best player that I'm capable of. So,
some of that
takes, as you said before, some
exploration to be able to figure those
things out. And I say this with a
tremendous amount of love and
compassion, is I want folks to give
themselves the grace and space and to
have the patience that it is okay when
you're younger to not know what your
thing is, to not know what it is that
you want to do. Maybe you haven't found
the thing that that makes you want to be
passionate and energetic. Maybe most of
the things you found, you do feel very
nonchalant about, but use that as a as a
marker that you're just not on the right
path at the moment. So, continue to find
things that you you couldn't even try to
be nonchalant about. Like, I love what I
do so much, there's no way that I could
take that approach. Like, it's just it's
not in my wiring. I I I really love what
I do to the degree that the passion and
the enthusiasm is not manufactured. It's
just a byproduct of being in positions
of doing the things that I love.
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