Video summary
The host and guest discuss how dating has become significantly more difficult since the guest stopped drinking alcohol, noting that sobriety removes the easy social lubricant that previously facilitated meeting women. The guest explains that while he used to rely on bar settings where flirting was natural, sober interactions now require direct communication and vulnerability, which feels akin to the raw honesty seen in shows like "Love on the Spectrum." He admits that asking someone out directly without the buffer of alcohol or a pre-drink scenario is intimidating, yet necessary for genuine connection. This shift highlights the challenge of navigating romantic interests when the usual mechanisms for lowering social barriers are absent.
A significant portion of the conversation critiques the reality TV show "Love on the Spectrum," with the guest expressing strong reservations about its exploitative nature and lack of respect for neurodivergent individuals. He points out that the show often pairs participants in mismatched ways, such as pairing a highly functioning man with someone who is less so, leading to awkward and unbalanced interactions that feel condescending to viewers. The guest argues that treating adults with autism like children or subjects of entertainment is inappropriate, especially given the high-pressure environment of constant camera surveillance and interruptions. He believes that while the show has heartwarming moments, the fundamental approach of monetizing their struggles without fair compensation makes it feel icky and fraudulent.
Beyond the critique of the show, the guest shares his personal philosophy on relationships, admitting a deep-seated skepticism about romance due to his own history of making selfish career-focused decisions. He reflects on how his lifestyle choices, such as being constantly on the road for work, have prevented him from having a dog or committing to a partner, as he feels he cannot currently make the necessary sacrifices required for a healthy relationship. Despite this hesitation, he maintains that finding a partner is a good and healthy goal, but he has not yet found someone worth compromising his current life for. He acknowledges that being a good boyfriend requires learning to balance personal desires with the needs of another person, a lesson he is still working on mastering.
The discussion concludes with a humorous exchange about how the guest meets women, primarily through comedy scenes and Instagram after shows, where shared interests provide an immediate foundation for connection. The host jokes about the guest's directness and "military precision" in his approach, contrasting it with the filtered social interactions of neurotypical people. Ultimately, the conversation underscores that while dating sober is harder and requires more courage, it also offers a chance for authentic connections free from the distractions of alcohol or television exploitation. The segment ends with a promotional read for a supplement brand before encouraging viewers to watch the full episode.
Read the full video transcript
Has dating changed since you've stopped
drinking?
>> Yeah, it sucks now.
>> Yeah.
>> Why?
>> Cuz drinking was a whole part of that.
[laughter]
>> Was that Was it the women got uglier for
you?
>> Yeah, you go, "Who's this? What's her
name?"
Uh yeah, that it is way harder. Cuz like
drinking was is the easiest thing. You
want to get drinks? Hey, you want to go
like it's just the way And now like
>> You want to go to a coffee shop and both
get nervous in front of each other?
>> Exactly. That's what it feels like. Like
I literally uh I've been hanging out
with this this woman who I really like
and she's like I literally texted her
cuz it was just not going well in the
texts, you know, she's she's a a girl I
know from comedy. And and I was like,
"Hey, I think you're really attractive
and you're nice to me. Like would you
like to go out?" Like I just had to
eventually like just be direct.
>> Say the thing.
>> Yeah, because I couldn't just be like,
"We're getting drinks after comedy." And
then we would have like flirted there
and then that would have went whatever
way it would have went.
>> It's like Love on the Spectrum right
away. I'd like to see you.
>> It feels exactly like that. Yeah, yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> And then we watch anime and drink
Mountain Dew for dinner.
>> You're saying sober dating is like Love
on the Spectrum?
>> It is.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay.
>> Hard. It's not going well.
>> What do you think would happen if Love
on the Spectrum was done with booze,
then? Would that just turn normal?
>> What do you mean?
>> Like if
>> You You saying you got them drunk?
>> Yeah.
>> I think they can drink, can't they?
>> They can.
>> [laughter]
>> They can. Oh, yeah.
>> And they can order drinks.
>> That would be yes. It's you know
>> We just If it's not spicy enough
already, we can just like throw them
with the booze.
>> It just turns into Love Island and get
his Adderall dealer [laughter] through
it.
>> Spike in the drinks. They go, "We didn't
even know it was going to
>> Yeah, it would it would devolve, I
think.
>> Yeah.
>> I think it's that's a that's a very
heartwarming, pure show.
>> I don't like it. I talk trash about it
all the time.
>> Why?
>> Oh, multiple reasons. It's you know
>> What's the number one complaint?
>> Well, they don't pay them, first of all.
Two, everyone's watching it like we're
watching children dating. They go, "Oh,
isn't it cute?" It's very condescending
to look at grown-ups and be like, "Oh,
they're dating like we do." And like I
hope I wish for the best. It's very uh
my my biggest problem with it is it's
called Love on the Spectrum, but they
don't respect the spectrum. They'll pick
some guy who's super high functioning
and pair him with some girl who's super
not high functioning and be like maybe
this is a match and then they're on the
date and he's like I think you're great
and I think you're wonderful and I think
you're awesome and I think you're
pretty. What about me? And then she's
like
uh handsome. You're like that's not a
match. That's perfect. No, it's not
perfect.
>> [laughter]
>> But my point is like I don't like it. I
I think everything
everything they're doing is like too
exploitative. I don't I don't think it's
good.
>> so ready to push back. I thought it was
going to be a really judgmental take
from you and it's like it's really
convincing.
>> Yeah, and well it's actually kind of
convincing.
>> It's so Here's the thing.
>> them with celebrity now. Now they like
think they're famous. The one famous
couple already broke up. She's on like
everything now. It's just it's too much.
>> Yeah, that's fair. Although it's so
sweet though. Like you're seeing them
they're with their parents and like
they're like this never would have
happened. I don't know. I watch that and
I'm like this is so
>> exact same thing you just said.
>> I'm saying. [laughter]
But it's so like look at them. They're
on the fort, bro.
>> Dude, they're living the dream, dude.
They're already fine. Leave them alone.
They don't need a wife and kids.
>> dude. They're single. They want to have
a girlfriend.
>> It's so frustrating.
>> What? Uh wait, isn't that a part of it
that that is is like they have a
diagnosis, right? That that they don't
like bright lights and loud noises that
that that high pressure situations make
them buzz and then we're like how about
how about we put them 10 camera shoot on
Netflix?
How about we keep interrupting them
every 5 minutes on a [ __ ] first date?
You're like leave them alone. If you
want them to date, that's fine. But
maybe don't exploit them on a television
show, you know.
>> Not paying them is crazy.
>> Yeah, no money.
>> James has that James You know James,
right?
>> Uh which one is that?
>> He's the guy who goes to the sword guy
at the Renaissance Fair. He's got liquid
He's got liquid
>> every episode and I'm rooting for them
as humans. I'm saying that when you
watch the show it feels a little icky.
But what about
>> No, you got to push past that. He's
doing great. He's got He's got He's got
Liquid Death sponsorship.
>> [laughter]
>> That is the most human answer I've ever
[laughter] heard. What a great moment.
>> Liquid Death sponsorship.
>> past that. Listen, he's got swords.
[laughter]
>> Liquid Death sponsorship.
>> He's got a Liquid Death sponsorship. I I
tried
>> watch tried started watching an episode
and I kind of I didn't you articulated
what I kind of felt when I was watching.
I was like, "This is just I didn't feel
good about myself watching it." Well, I
watched like 5 minutes. I'm like, "Okay,
this is enough of this. Leave these
people alone."
>> ever saw a 40-year-old date another
third like 45-year-old or whatever and
you go, "Isn't it cute?" It's like,
"Don't talk to them like that. They're
not [ __ ] Th- These are These are
These are grown-ups with autism. Like,
treat them like adults."
>> So, you're saying that they're not
>> You would never go up to someone's table
and go, "Oh, are you two having a good
time? This is I really support this."
You're like, "Get the hell out of here."
Like, it's it's it's mean. They're
They're adults. Treat them like adults.
>> watch it and I laugh the entire time.
>> Yeah.
>> And then I cry at the end. They get me
every time.
>> their directness, but that's just
autism. That has nothing to do with
dating.
>> so funny.
>> Yeah.
>> I also think that's what's going on
inside of every single person dating. It
just doesn't come out the same way.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, the same thing.
>> The people in love on the on the
spectrum don't have the filter that
everybody else puts up.
>> Exactly.
>> Yeah, and I like that point, but I like
that about autism. I don't need them to
be on a dating show to appreciate that
about them.
>> great would be a Love on the Spectrum
Love Island crossover episode.
>> That's what I'm saying.
>> Yeah.
>> Like, 50/50.
>> [snorts]
>> Just throw a couple of grenades in
there.
>> be on Epstein's Island or what? This
sounds really creepy.
>> Everyone's watching try to figure it
out, you know?
It's very creepy.
>> Or it's like Traitor or whatever and
it's like trying to work out which but
you don't know who's got the diagnosis.
>> Yeah.
>> After the diagnosis and you're trying to
work out which one has got which
>> once you got people who are that hot,
you throw some autism in there, it's not
you know, mentally you're in like thin
air in thin air.
>> [laughter]
>> I got to push past it.
The liquid death sponsorship's just
waiting on the other side.
>> chicks being like, "You're like really
funny."
>> Yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> You know a LOT ABOUT WEAPONS.
>> NEVER KNEW THAT ABOUT MEDIEVAL TIMES.
>> [laughter]
>> WELL, I just think also I mean, it's
just I think that we've got this idea of
like rom-coms and then that's what a
relationship is, which I don't believe
in. And so, like to push that on
autistic people on the show is like cuz
they're looking for some sort of like
notebook-like thing. I just I just feels
like very fraudulent.
>> Mhm.
>> Yeah.
>> How do you view relationships? You You
Are you no romance or like How do you
How do you think about romanticism,
basically?
>> Uh I don't even know how to answer that.
I don't know. Like everyone else. I'd
like to find a partner. I think it's
good.
>> I think it's healthy, yeah.
>> Well, you're both married with kids.
What advice have you got for Jeff on how
to find a good woman?
>> How old are you?
>> 43. Should've probably figured it out by
now.
>> Well, behind the power curve, as they
say.
>> [laughter]
>> One of those late bloomers.
>> Do you Do you Where do you find you
know, where you dating? Where you Where
do you find your girls? Like apparently
you found one from the comedy scene.
>> Yeah, I mean,
uh
>> And you sent her weird autistic messages
already, you're saying?
>> [laughter]
>> I like I like the
>> He gets his love on the spectrum.
>> [laughter]
>> Like where Jeff gets arrested for going
to kids things. Like just it's so
direct.
>> [laughter]
>> There's no fat on it. When he talks
about my life.
What, you you met a girl in comedy? You
sent her autistic text messages?
[laughter] Is that where you're getting
them, Jeff?
>> Military precision.
>> Exactly.
What, you find some weakling that you
could
pick from the pack?
Um so, [laughter] you know, I usually
just meet women on Instagram from like
after comedy shows and things.
>> It is a thing apparently, though.
>> What?
>> The girls after the shows.
>> Yeah, or that you meet them at the like
after cuz now you know that they're
interested in you cuz they saw kind of
what you're about up there. They
listened to you talk for 70 minutes and
they go, you know, they're interested.
And then you can kind of figure it out
from there. Usually the comics go
somewhere after the clubs and all that
stuff. It's not a guy I wouldn't
recommend it. It hasn't worked out for
me as far as anything. I've had some
some maybe I also think you don't get
things you don't believe in and I've
been uh somewhat skeptical of
relationships and romance in general.
So,
um so, maybe that's why.
>> Well, well, how does the skepticism of
romance and relationships show up?
>> Um
What do you mean?
>> Like we don't know what that means. Like
you Do you think that they're a sci-op?
Like that Jocko's not actually married
or that Matt's like
>> No, no, no, no. I think it's fantastic.
I think that if you
um
love someone enough, you got to kind of
like compromise a lot of stuff. That's
what being a man is. You kind of
compromise things. You say, "Hey, I
can't go have fun and be drunk guy, and
I can't be going doing this." And if I'm
going to be on the road, I need to kind
of think about how long I'm going to be
on the road. Whereas, I'm making all the
decisions for my career so I can have
more money and more friend time and
things like that. I've made a lot of
selfish decisions that wouldn't It's
like why I don't have a dog. I love
dogs. I can't think of anything I like
more. But, if I was to have a dog right
now, I'd be a very selfish dog owner,
just letting him be at my house while
I'm gone forever. And so, the same thing
is just kind of true with relationships.
I would love to be with a uh partner
who's awesome, who I love, and I really
believe in it.
>> You want a creator.
>> It's just that right now [laughter]
Well, it's just right now. It's like I
don't know how I'd be a good boyfriend.
And I'll figure it out and I'll make
sacrifices, but I haven't found anybody
worth making that sacrifice for.
>> Mhm.
>> That's all.
>> Mhm.
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