Video summary
The speaker begins by describing a grueling five-day illness that has left him bedridden, sweating profusely, and struggling to breathe due to what he jokingly dubs a new, exclusive virus update for his channel. He recounts the onset of his condition following a recent member video where he was exercising and grinding on languages, noting that a sudden cough led him down a rabbit hole of Google searches fearing cancer before waking up the next morning in a state of severe dehydration with fluid flooding out of every orifice. His wife immediately advised him to stay still and breathe, but he initially resisted, desperate not to fall behind on his language studies despite being too sick to function properly.
As the days progressed, the speaker's ability to focus deteriorated rapidly, causing him to cancel his Netflix subscription in anger because he could no longer concentrate on any content, whether it was Spanish shows or English series featuring a specific actor he obsessively watched. His physical discomfort escalated to include an itchy arm that drove him to check every possible page for rashes, eventually leading him to log onto Facebook for the first time in over five years. There, he became overwhelmed by sensationalist posts about a woman accused of murdering her babies and algorithmic content warning him that his wife was trying to kill him or cheat on him, which left him feeling angry and confused after spending thirty minutes reading fear-mongering indicators about domestic violence.
In this delirious state, the speaker wandered through a mix of reality and dream-like hallucinations, including a vivid dream where his wife rode a Triceratops while refusing his warnings about its danger. He also noticed that his audience was becoming concerned about his absence, with comments expressing frustration that he and another creator had stopped posting actively. While he admits to feeling somewhat validated by the fact that people miss him enough to feel depressed by his nonexistence, he acknowledges that this period of illness has been dark and chaotic, disrupting his usual routine and productivity grind significantly.
Now recovering but still suffering from a raw throat that feels as if someone shoved a banana down it all night, the speaker promises to return to his regular content creation soon. He ends the video with a humorous threat to ride anyone who is not watching his next upload like a Triceratops, signaling a return to his energetic and slightly chaotic persona despite the lingering effects of the sickness.
Read the full video transcript
What's up, grinders? Welcome back to the
channel. I've had a rough [ __ ] 5
days, but
this is going to be a story for the
ages. No, not really. It's basically a
story about me laying in bed, [ __ ]
spread-eagled,
heat pumping off of me, sweat pissing
out of my head, dying from some [ __ ]
virus. I don't know what it is. COVID
[ __ ] 15.0, newest update, exclusive
features just for Evil Deer. I'll I'll
make sure when I go to China in like 2
weeks to ask them because like I did not
order this update, and yet it came
express directly to my [ __ ] chest.
>> [laughter]
>> I'm still recovering, if you haven't
noticed. I'm like constantly drinking
just to lubricate my throat. I know some
of you are down in the comment section
be like, "Evil Deer, you want me to help
you lubricate your throat." Bro, you
come here, I'm [ __ ] chomping you.
But anyway, let's talk what's happened
over last 5 days. Last 5 days have been
dark, man. They've been so [ __ ] dark.
Is that been 5 days before that? I don't
even know how long it's been, but like
the first day, I like my This all
started on my last member video. I made
a member video, okay, where I was like
[ __ ] pumping and exercising, walking,
doing the language grind, [ __ ]
smashing [ __ ] Yeah, bros, we're out
here. We're [ __ ] learning languages.
And then I was like,
I was like, "Hmm, that was weird. Where
did that cough come from? Maybe I'm just
tired. Maybe I've got cancer." Don't
ever Google, you know,
"I've got a sore throat. What does this
mean?" Within 10 minutes, you're going
to think you've got cancer. But anyway,
so I was like I was like
"Okay."
Then I keep moving on my life. Next
morning, I wake up, I WAS LIKE
WHAT THE [ __ ]
[ __ ] WATER FLOODING OUT OF EVERY
HOLE, OKAY. It was not fun.
My wife's like, "What's going on with
you? Stay away from me, [ __ ] die."
You didn't have to think cuz I was like
[ __ ] liquid coming out everywhere. I
was
>> [laughter]
>> It was fun.
So obviously, the grind slowed down, my
language grind. I took
for the first time in like 2 years,
a multi-day
language grind break. That's right, boys
and girls. This was hectic. That first
day I was laying there I was like
I got to do some study.
My wife's like, "You [ __ ] insane?
You're dying. Just lay there and don't
move. Just breathe." And I was like
"But I don't want to fall behind on my
Chinese."
Like this this [laughter] is me and
she's like, "You [ __ ] idiot. No one
If you die, no one on YouTube's going to
care about you anyway." And you're like
"Okay, fine. I believe you." So I just
like laid there the first day. By the
end of the day I was like, "This is
weird, bro." I hadn't done any Chinese.
I hadn't done any Spanish.
Smelt an Esperanto book. Like, what's
going on? And like I was trying to
distract myself by like watching Netflix
and [ __ ] but like I was in the state of
like coming in [ __ ] in and out of
focus. Okay, what the [ __ ] are they
talking about? Like at first I tried to
watch in Spanish. Nah, bro. Nah. Just it
was not happening. My brain was like,
"Nah, we're not doing Spanish today,
Evil Deed." So then after that I was
like, "Okay, whatever. I'll just I'll
just watch in English." And I watched
like
a bunch of TV shows. I actually ended up
canceling Netflix out of anger because I
realized I've been paying all this time
and there was [ __ ] nothing I wanted
to watch on it anyway. So then I went
and paid for Apple TV and I started
watching a bunch of TV shows. Pretty
much all of them seemed to have the
exact same [ __ ] actor in it. I don't
know how that ended up happening. What's
the name of the show? Um it's like one's
called "See". It's it's it's a series.
And then there's like there's one about
Hawaii and Oh, what's the name of the
actor? He's he's the guy from [ __ ]
the Dothraki [ __ ] tears out people's
throats. Whatever. Whatever. You You
guys can say down the comments. Anyway,
I was watching all his videos and I was
like "Yeah, I'm going to be like him one
day. I'm going to be [ __ ] Yeah." Like
I don't know why I was like this, but
then I was like going through this dark
phase at the same time of like I'm not
doing any languages. My arm's getting
[ __ ] itchy. I'm starting to scratch,
okay? And I'm like, I've got to do some
I've checked every face like every like
[ __ ] page that I can. Let's go to
Facebook, bro. I have not been on
Facebook in like five plus years. I get
on Facebook the very first post I get on
to Facebook and I see. It's not like
some post from my dead grandma or
something talking about the cookies
being ready. No, it's like, "Hey Evil
Deer, what's your opinion on this chick
who murdered her babies over in the US?
Do you think she's like a psychopath who
should be executed or do you think she's
suffering from something like post
post What's the [ __ ] post not No,
it's not
It's not post not. Post
napa? No.
Post natum? Post What is it? It's post
something. Post-traumatic stress, okay.
She's suffering from something posty.
And like what what's your opinion on
this? I have no idea about any of this.
I'm like, "What the [ __ ] is this shit?"
Scroll past, okay. Every single post is
about this chick. And somehow within
like 10 minutes, Facebook has convinced
me that this is the most important thing
in the world and I click on a few links,
okay? I look at some of the comments.
Suddenly my entire Facebook feed changes
to or already was, I don't know. I
hadn't been on Facebook like five plus
years, to like a battle of the genders.
The men are like, "These five like five
indicators prove that your wife is
trying to murder you or like cheat on
you or something or steal your [ __ ]
cat." And then then there's like for
some reason Facebook thinks that's not
enough, so it starts giving me like the
womanist fear version of it, okay? So,
it's like, "These five indicators are
indicators that you're going to kill
your like your your husband's going to
kill you." type thing. I'm reading all
these indicators and [ __ ] going, "Based
on this, my wife should have murdered me
and I should have murdered her and the
cat should have taken over the world by
now." Like, "What the [ __ ] is going on
on Facebook, hey?" I spent 30 minutes
there. I'm [ __ ] angry. I'm ready to
like go stand in the court and fight,
you know, for some [ __ ] random people
I know nothing about.
>> [laughter]
>> What the [ __ ]
I get off Facebook. I start going down a
dark hole, hey? Like I'm like in this
[ __ ] sweating hazing phase, no
language study. I ended up on YouTube
and like I see all these posts from
creators who were talking about how to
10x their language learning using
different methods and productivity and
[ __ ] I swear to God, I don't know if I
was like in a half stupor or was like
this was real. I swear to God, I saw a
video about someone like 10 productivity
tips about how to improve your grind
while you have cancer.
Like I swear to God, that was a thing I
saw or maybe I was in like some other
different world because like I was in
like this half awake half [ __ ]
sleeping phase, okay? Like there was a
dream in there was definitely a dream in
there where my wife was riding a
Triceratops and I was trying to tell her
not to do that cuz it's dangerous and
she was saying, "Don't tell me what to
do, bitch." Like that was a thing.
Anyway, during that entire time, I saw
the comments start rolling in from you
guys saying, "Hey Evil Deer, where you
at? We miss you, bro. We love you. Why
you not posting anymore?" Someone like
Do I have the comments still open here?
"Evil Deer and Metatron stopped posting
actively. It pisses me off a lot. I need
to watch some
>> [laughter]
>> I'm [ __ ] dying over here, but I have
failed this person for not posting. Man,
like I do actually
>> [laughter]
>> kind of makes me happy in some way that
there's people out there who my
nonexistence makes them depressed. Yeah,
that's right. I can take this one to the
wife and show that people do actually
need me. Anyway, I just wanted to say
I'm
>> [laughter]
>> I'm kind of back. My throat's still
[ __ ] It's raw, man. I I swear to God,
someone was shoving a banana hard down
my throat all night. Like they were
rubbing a [ __ ]
It's [ __ ]
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, God. I got to stop I got to stop I
got to This is too much. I'll see you
all in the next video. If you're not
there, I'll find you and I'm
I'll
I'll ride you like a Triceratops.