Video summary
The video features a host attempting to taste every single flavor of Goldfish crackers, aiming to determine the ultimate champion through a bracket-style competition without using a formal rating system. The host begins by tasting the classic cheddar and original flavors, noting that while the cheddar is salty and great, the original version brings back strong nostalgic memories of his childhood home. He also explores unique varieties like the Frank's Red Hot flavor, which he immediately declares as the best he has ever had due to its perfect blend of heat and taste, though he remains open to being surprised by other contenders. Throughout the tasting process, he encounters various unexpected flavors such as strawberry shortcake, salt vinegar, and honey mustard, often reacting with humor and surprise at the diverse range of options available beyond traditional savory snacks.
As the host progresses through the lineup, he samples pretzel-shaped crackers and themed versions featuring characters like Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, commenting on their textures and seasoning profiles. He finds that some flavors, like the spicy dill pickle, are heavily seasoned with Old Bay spices, while others like the zesty ranch offer a creamier, more subtle experience. Despite trying many different iterations, including mega-sized sharp cheddar and flavor-blasted pizza varieties, he struggles to find a new favorite that surpasses his initial expectations or the standout Frank's Red Hot option. The host frequently jokes about the absurdity of certain flavors, such as the strawberry shortcake which smells strongly of its namesake but fails to impress him enough to keep it in contention for the top spot.
Midway through the tasting marathon, the video includes a sponsored segment for Zocdoc, where the host discusses the difficulties of finding doctors and how the service simplifies the process by allowing users to search for in-network providers quickly and affordably. After this interruption, he returns to his mission of evaluating every cracker, eventually reaching a crossroads with the Frank's Red Hot flavor, which he had predicted would win but finds himself hesitating on whether it truly deserves the title over other contenders. He continues to taste remaining items like sour cream and onion and hot buffalo seasoned pretzels, ultimately concluding that while many flavors are enjoyable, few manage to differentiate themselves significantly from the standard cheddar or original tastes.
In the final analysis, the host reflects on the sheer variety of Goldfish products, acknowledging that while some flavors are delicious, others feel like gimmicks that do not add enough value to the experience. He notes that even though he initially predicted Frank's Red Hot would take the crown, the competition remains tight with several other flavors leaving a lasting impression. Ultimately, the video ends without a definitive winner being crowned in a traditional sense, as the host admits that some flavors are simply too similar or not quite good enough to dethrone the classics, leaving the audience with a humorous and chaotic journey through one of America's most iconic snack brands.
Read the full video transcript
Goldfish, America's original snack.
First created whenever it was created.
And today, I, a white boy,
will be trying every single Goldfish
flavor. No tier list, no rating system,
bracket style to the death. One will
come out on top. All others
will perish. Goldfish,
assemble.
Like Thor's hammer into Thor's hand. I
have the first goldfish. How many
goldfish flavors are there?
>> More than 20.
Ah, cheddar. Dectable.
You can see the salt on it.
I mean, it's great. I don't know what
else to tell you. It's the first one
that's that's up. It automatically is
being hung by the chimney with care.
This is where the current winner will
rest, hanging here alongside me, ready
to get a kiss at a moment's notice. But
will it stay there for long? I don't
know what the winner is going to be, but
everybody keep their little peepers
peeled for a little flavor called
Frank's Red Hot. That is the best
goldfish flavor I have ever had. It's so
good. No doubt it will be up here, but
maybe I'll be surprised. You have to
wait and find out to see if I'm
surprised.
Goldfish.
Throw it in this hand. See how good your
aim is.
[laughter]
It's a gay one. Happy Pride, everybody.
They're going to call me homophobic if I
don't put this on the thing. But what if
it doesn't taste good?
Guys, I swear if it doesn't go on a
thing, [music] it's not because I'm
homophobic.
It's just cuz it doesn't taste. Okay,
please.
>> I don't I don't know what this is
supposed to be. Sourced from plants.
Cheddar. Wait, are these vegan then? No,
it it has milk in it. No. Okay, let's
see. I guess I kind of have to try a few
cuz there's different there's different
colors. Okay, we got this color.
We got this color.
We got this color and we got this color.
>> Well, well, here's the thing. I didn't
even realize it's just cheddar. Cuz I
was like, "Wow, this tastes pretty much
the same." It is just chellar.
>> Sorry, I have to pander to the lovely
gaze on my phone. Go away. Thank you.
>> Fish me.
When I think of goldfish, I think of
this, the cheddar flavor. But this is
original goldfish. Original flavor. This
is the flavor that we had in my house.
My dad was a big snack guy. I haven't
had these in a long time.
>> I don't think I've ever had I thought
original was ch.
>> I know. That's what you think, isn't it?
But but no, this is the original.
>> Mhm.
>> I had I didn't have those fish in the
house.
>> They're kind of just kind of just plain,
you know? They're solid. They're solid.
Remember when they had the hot one?
It was a fish. [laughter] That fish will
go on my hear me out cake. I think the
goldfish.
The girl goldfish. I think she's all my
hear me out cake.
For nostalgic purposes. I don't actually
even know if I like the cheddar flavor
better. But this brings me back because
this is what was in my home.
right here. Come on.
Nice. I've not seen this before. This is
just cheddar. This is no flavor. This is
no flavor. It's just a fun shape. It's
time for an adventure. Build your team
and let your Pokemon story unfold.
They got standard fish. Standard fish.
Standard fish.
You can see that, right? You can focus
on it. Great. They got little Pokemon,
little Pokeballs. They got Pikachu
up on up on up on in there. I think it's
just Pikachu and the Pokéballs. The
Pikachus do have more of almost like a
burnt kind of taste. Not burnt, but
they're a little more crispy cuz they
got a little edges and stuff. For the
first time, bracket style, this remains.
I did not like that other flavor more.
And I'm judging mostly on taste for this
because I think that most of them are
going to be fishshaped
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She different bag.
I've never had this before. They're
crisps.
Are you seeing this?
The chip like goldfish.
I'm sorry. Childhood. These are so good.
The seasoning on them is so good. It's
light and airy, but it's it's crispy.
But
one does think
of Thesius's ship. When you go and you
replace the goldfish
brick by brick, is it still a goldfish?
Let you tell me. green. Your new
Parmesan 100% real cheese.
Not even remotely close. It's got a
cheesiness to it. Sure. Does it remind
me of Parmesan? Not a lick. It's a
little stinky. When I think of Parmesan,
I don't really think of stinky.
Jesus.
Strawberry shortcake. [music] The sweet
treat for every moment. The very best
flavor. This guy looks like a little
sperm on the back. That's crazy.
It smells very strawberry shortcake.
Oh. Oh, it fell into my crotch.
Don't mind if I do.
It's not bad. It's fine. It's just that
Stay in your lane, Goldfish. All right.
You make a little chip cracker thingy,
right? Maybe you should stay there. I'm
not looking to you for sweet stuff. I'll
go elsewhere for for for sweet stuff. I
don't want you to go there. Okay.
Jesus Christ. Another crisp, light and
airy.
[screaming]
Salt vinegar. I I like this flavor.
[groaning]
You did well out there. I
loved that. I've never had these little
guys. Little airy crisp guys. They did.
They did something here. I [panting]
I I will be I will be searching for more
pretzels,
[gasps]
[snorts]
honey mustard.
Kids safety, pretzels are a fun and
delicious snack, but not recommended for
children younger than 2 years old who
may be at risk of choking. Let them
choke. Let them learn. Everyone's got to
learn. If you can't handle a
pretzel, maybe you can't handle the
world.
I'm having a ratatouille moment.
Ah,
ratatouille. There is a pretzel nugget
that is also a honey mustard flavor that
my grandparents had at their place and
they would always have it whenever they
had like a little dinner party or
whenever whenever there was like a
holiday thing or something like that.
They always had these little pretzel
nuggets that were honey mustard and they
were so good. These taste exactly like
those
full of flavor flavor at full blast. Oh,
I'm about to flavor blast my flavor
blasted extra cheesy pizza. I can
already tell you that this is not going
to beat that. I'll try it nonetheless.
Flavor blasted to me
is sort of a jack of all trades, master
of none kind of thing. There's too much
going on. You're trying to blast me with
your flavor way too much. You be a
gentle lover at start. Where's the
foreplay in this? There's none. It just
hits you right in the back of the throat
immediately. How do you keep someone
coming back for more when you just give
them so much flavor blasted in you so
quickly, you know?
Jesus Christ. Another crisp. Spicy dill
pickle. The chip like goldfish, light
and airy. They've got maybe Fresno
chilies or red red chilies.
I really like pickle stuff, but
Sometimes pickled flavor stuff
smells like [ __ ]
Sometimes it just smells bad.
Zesty ranch. Zesty. Creamy. Yeeha.
Similar to the spicy dill pickle. I'm
making a prediction
that I think this is going to be a bit
much. I think it's going to be a little
weird.
Not nearly as weird as I thought it was
going to be. That's actually pretty
nice. It's a very subtle flavor because
I think with goldfish, you're eating
such a small little thing, but you're
taking big handfuls. The spicy dill
pickle. It was so much Old Bay. IS THIS
OLD BAY? OH, [screaming] IT'S OLD BAY.
These are very good. The irresistible
way to Old Bay is on Goldfish crackers.
Now, even though I just said something
contradictory to what I'm about to say,
I think that where the ranch did well
with making it subtle, and maybe it's
just the dill pickle still overpowering
my mouth, I think this is a little too
subtle. I think they could have gone a
little bit more. It's really nice. It's
great, but I think that it doesn't
differentiate itself enough from just
the normal flavor.
Stop. Stop. He's being mean. This is
mega size. Mega sharp cheddar. Look at
the Look at the size comparison.
[laughter]
It's fine. It's just bigger cheddar
right here. Right here, Papa.
[ __ ]
[screaming]
It's the Frank's Red Hot. I told you it
would be here. I told you. How do you
make Goldfish crackers even more
awesome?
Add some [music] Frank's Red Hot. The
perfect blend of flavor and heat. The
Frank's Red Hot is registered trademark
of the French's Food Company LLC.
Frank's Red Hot original flavor. If you
can take the heat, get into the bag.
Made with smiles and enriched wheat
flour. [laughter]
The first ingredient is, it does say
made with smiles. And then it just lists
the rest of the ingredients.
>> [snorts]
>> Man, I have to try something now. This
is where the bracket really comes into
play. I'm at a crossroads. I said from
the beginning that this would probably
take the cake, but I don't know now.
If only I could [ __ ] a cracker.
[laughter]
[snorts]
>> Oh, Frank, you did well.
>> But not well enough, it seems.
[groaning]
Uh,
she's going to break my fingers off.
Maybe I'll just try these over here.
[panting]
[snorts]
Woody. [laughter]
Woody, what are you saying?
I shouldn't. Woody, what if Buzz walks
in?
[laughter]
It tastes like a normal goldfish. I
think they're the same as the original.
You zoom in on Woody and Buzz on here.
They look crazy. No, the cracker version
though.
Well, I know they're both white, but
[laughter]
Don't they look crazy? I have a gentle
toss.
Sour cream and onion. These will be
going onto the pile.
I just I know it.
Sour cream and onion.
>> Oh, two at once. I can't handle it.
Hot buffalo seasoned pretzels. Boldly
flavored. Hot and tangy with a pretzel
crunch. Michael.
Michael. Two different flavors. We've
got
No, it's just cheddar.
Yeah. But there's a Mickey Mouse
version. There's a Michael. Wow.
Seasoned pretzels. These bags are hard
to open. They should make them easier to
open. See, [snorts] I just ripped the
whole [ __ ] thing in half.
Got to say,
not as good as this. Don't hit my TV,
please.
Caught it. Flavor blasted cheddar
jacked. They [ __ ] jerked off the
cheddar. They jacked off the cheddar
jack. Flavor at full blast. I'll be the
judge of that.
Tastes just like the pizza one. I'll
take the I'll take the next one.
White cheddar.
>> Oh, okay.
[laughter]
Slight air chip like goldfish.
[snorts]
It's all right.
Just one more one.
Is that it? [laughter]