Video summary
The speaker, a woman with extensive experience navigating complex neurological issues including chronic migraines, kidney problems, and multiple surgeries, shares her journey of overcoming medical gaslighting. She explains that for years she internalized harmful messages from healthcare providers who dismissed her pain or labeled her symptoms as mental instability, leading her to believe she was crazy or an inconvenience. This pattern of dismissal caused significant trauma, making her hesitant to seek help even when facing life-threatening conditions like severe kidney infections and a recent stroke. Her reluctance stemmed not just from fear of the medical system itself, but from a deep-seated belief that being treated as "crazy" would be worse than enduring physical pain alone at home.
A particularly harrowing example she provides involves waiting over a day after suffering a violent stroke while sitting on Jiu-Jitsu mats because she feared doctors would shrug her off again if she went to the ER. During this time, she experienced severe confusion and neurological deficits that could have been mitigated with earlier intervention. Similarly, when dealing with kidney infections in the past, she delayed seeking care until symptoms worsened into sepsis after being berated for waiting too long. In one instance involving a painful leg procedure where doctors lied about pain management plans to make her feel unstable, and another where an ER doctor refused further scans fearing cancer exposure despite critical illness, these experiences reinforced her mental block against trusting the system. These moments illustrate how nuanced but damaging interactions can escalate into dangerous situations when patients are forced to advocate for themselves in a hostile environment.
Ultimately, the speaker concludes that it is absolutely necessary to be willing to inconvenience medical professionals if one's life is at risk, regardless of societal pressure or past trauma. She emphasizes that saving her own life was more important than avoiding being perceived as a problem or overreacting, and she has since lost much of the shame associated with seeking emergency care when symptoms suggest something serious might be wrong. While acknowledging systemic issues within healthcare that contribute to these negative experiences, including how women are often treated differently in medical settings, she urges viewers not to wait due to fear of judgment or feelings of instability. Her message is clear: it is better to get a confirmation from doctors about one's health status than to suffer the long-term consequences of untreated conditions, and advocating for oneself is essential even when facing dismissal or gaslighting.
Read the full video transcript
come here often no if not do do you want
to I think it'd be cool if we hung out
hello there my beautiful lovely internet
friends let's doodle let's draw and talk
about overcoming medical gaslighting
bear with me I'll explain it's going to
be a good time I also tape my microphone
to my water bottle and I don't know how
well that's going to work we'll find out
together so I had a stroke with some
pretty severe symptoms and I did not go
to the ER a because I wasn't thinking
straight but B because of really awful
experiences with doctors and medical
professionals over the years that taught
me to think I was crazy I was a burden I
was a problem and I don't use this term
lightly there was a good deal of medical
gaslighting that has occurred if you're
specifically a woman in our health care
System you might know what I'm talking
about but yeah I I almost died because I
didn't want another doctor to make me
feel crazy and I also didn't want to be
an inconvenience so let's talk a little
bit about that and some recommendations
and change of attitude that I've had in
the aftermath also we're going to we're
going to color in a little d I just
realized that the camera that I set up
to film me doodling while we're talking
was not on the entire time so if you
like that idea for a format of a video
let me know I'll get it set up and
actually hit record the next time if you
new to my Channel or you don't know me
I'm missing a leg see proof it's gone
and in addition to that I have spent so
many years of my life in medical offices
due to neurological issues chronic
migraine kidney problems along with a
sprinkling of a few other things I've
had 20 odd surgery I am quite familiar
with doctor's offices and ER rooms and
hospital beds and for a while there I
thought I was handling it well right
like it's not fun stuff to go through
but I started out at like age 13 on this
medical Journey having a deep respect
for doctors and nurses they are people
in positions of authority they save
lives for the record I do still have a
lot of respect but that did get shaken
for a little while because the older
that I got and the more experiences that
I had in our medical system I think I
became somewhat traumatized I don't like
using that word often but by some of the
experiences that I had and the ways that
I was dismissed and made to feel like a
problem and made to feel like I was
crazy medical gaslighting is a term that
we're hearing a little bit more often
and I'm going to put a recommendation
for a book down below that my friend
Alana wrote all about it but especially
as a woman it can be rather difficult to
get care that you deserve I find it
really hard to talk about medical
gaslighting because it is so nuanced so
I want to talk about why the effects of
the words and actions of doctors who
were trying to help me did actually
almost kill me twice I think a good
example of medical gaslighting would be
when I was in the hospital I had my leg
cut off for the second time and there
was a drain in my leg and other
complications and I was told the day
before when my then husband was present
they were going to do a quick procedure
to get it out it was going to be very
painful they would make sure that I was
medicated ahead of time don't worry
about it we got you covered and then I
was woken up at like 6:30 or 7:00 by two
doctors being like all right we're doing
this and I was very confused because I
had told that there would be help
because it' be very painful they told me
they didn't have time for it it was very
painful and when I expressed that I was
upset about this because I had been told
something very different the Doctor Who
had told me the day before the plan told
me no I I never said that I mean you're
like you're on a lot of drugs right now
so just completely told me that I never
heard what I heard because they did not
have time to properly implement the
medical plan and tried to make me feel
like I was just unstable Checkmate buddy
uh someone else was in the room both
times and called them out pretty hard on
it there have also been quite a few
situations where I have had to go to the
ER for various kinds of pain and very
much been treated like I was drug
seeking for recreational or addiction
kind of purposes which if you look at my
chart made no sense because I had so
much access to opioids right at home if
I wanted those I had them there was
another situation and this was like the
worst cuz I was in such a fragile mental
state and in so much pain and sick where
I had a kidney infection I had not gone
in for it I like I waited way too long
because I didn't want to deal with
doctors treating me like garbage in the
ER treating me like just like a crazy
woman like oh abdominal pain okay well
guess you're on your period don't need
to be here so I didn't go in and I was
almost septic it was a very bad kidney
infection doctors and nurses alike berid
me for waiting so long and then made
made it very clear if this gets worse
you need to come back so it got worse I
came back and I remember it was a
different doctor walked into the room
like heavy sigh I think he took my
temperature and no other vitals and was
like you've already had a CT scan if I
give you another you're going to get
cancer I don't know what you want me to
do for you I promise you I am not
exaggerating that interaction and I
don't like to cry in front of doctors
but I did in that situation because I
was scared I was in pain I had been told
what I was dealing with was serious and
I was so dismissed and those are just
like small examples of some of the many
experiences that I have had so let's
talk about the big one having a stroke
when the stroke occurred on the
Jiu-Jitsu mats and if you want to know
more about what happened I made a video
I will link it up above or down below I
was violently not okay like really
really have never felt that way in my
life very scary someone should have
called an ambulance for me but they did
not and I I just went home to wait it
out because I thought it must just be I
don't know my body I'm crazy right like
I'm sure I'm fine and that is also a
byproduct of having so many health
issues for so many years many of which
haven't had explanations for a very long
time and I waited at home for I actually
don't remember how long it was it was at
least a day I think it was more than
that so deeply not okay so dizzy I
couldn't pick things up forming words
was really difficult I was so out of it
I was in so much pain but the idea of
going into an ER and having doctors like
shrug me off again cuz I was certain
that that is what was going to happen
because I've had so many experiences of
that the idea of that was so awful to me
that I sat at home with holes in my
brain less okay than I've ever like
neurologically been in my life and
vehemently did not want to go in
eventually I scheduled a virtual urgent
care cuz I just wanted them to tell me
like yeah it's probably a migraine
you're fine go take a nap and the doctor
that I spoke with was really great and
was like Hey I'm uh I'm going to need
you to off this call do not drive
yourself and get immediately to an
emergency room so I agreed knowing that
I was just going to be an inconvenience
to the doctors there because
everything's fine and long story short
turns out I had a stroke to the back of
my brain and was immediately put in the
ICU it was quite an experience now since
that has occurred there have been a few
other times where I have chosen to go
into the ER because symptoms shifted
violently and I did not know if it was
just like leftovers from the stroke if
it was just a rough day and things were
aggra ated or if I was having a brain
bleed or another stroke and what really
shifted for me and the perspective that
I wanted to share with you today is that
it's okay to inconvenience people who
are doing their job I so didn't want to
be a problem to doctors I so so didn't
want them to make me feel like I was a
crazy person but it became clear to me
that saving my life was more important
than those needs and also that I wasn't
doing a good job of like loving myself
and advocating for myself myself also I
thought I would have more of this doodle
done but I think I get to talking and I
slow at drawing anyways treating
patients like they are an inconvenience
and like they are crazy because you
don't immediately know the answer has
lifelong effects and the combined number
of doctors that have treated me that way
over the years really created a mental
block in my brain where first with the
kidney infection years ago and then with
the stroke now I was in very dangerous
situations that I told myself I was just
crazy for thinking we're even issue I
think that patient doctor communication
desperately needs to improve and I am
well aware of the fact that the system
is to blame for so much of this I have a
lot of good friends now who are medical
professionals whether they're nurses
doctors or PAs and it has been very eye
openening to hear about things from
their perspective like what they deal
with in the fraking system but to those
of us who are not medical professionals
I just wanted to urge you to be an
inconvenience that the idea of being an
inconvenience or even having someone
make you feel like you're not right in
the head or you're crazy or you're
overreacting or you're hysterical or
you're just on your period that stuff
feels awful it creates complexes and
bits of trauma at least in my brain but
it is absolutely worth it to still go in
if you think there could be an issue and
it's okay to advocate for yourself in
those situations and state your needs
whatever your reason is for waiting if
you think your life could be in danger
please don't if I had gone in sooner the
deficits that it left me with wouldn't
have been as severe and sitting at home
alone for days having had a stroke and a
lot going on neurologically was not the
right choice I wasn't thinking straight
anyways right hospitals are there for a
reason treatment needs to change across
the board our system needs to get better
and I will happily fight for that
because man oh man all of that to say if
you think that something is going on
with your body please as you are able to
I know there's a lot of factors but
don't wait don't wait because you think
you're an inconvenience don't wait if
you just think you're crazy and
overreact ing if something could
actually be going on I believe it is
always better to get that confirmed one
way or another and as time has gone on
I've really lost the shame that I had
about going into an ER when I think
something could actually be wrong
because guess what it's my body I am
paying for that medical care and it is
better to be safe than sorry when you
are talking about your life on the line
hope that made sense we did not get a
lot of drawing done I expected to like
complete the whole page I'm going to go
rest I'm going to take the puppies out
for a little bit and then probably nap
again if we're being honest we're snow
in today which is kind of cozy I hope
you're doing well out there huge thank
you to all of my supporters on patreon
again so much couldn't have done the
last few months without you I really
appreciate it and to you lovely friend
watching this video could be anywhere
else in the world doing anything else
and you chose to hang out with me for a
few minutes here today which is really
cool I thank you let me know what you
think of this video format it's kind of
just laidback and chatty yeah I'm
definitely going to go lay down love you
guys I'm thinking about you and I will
see you in the next video