How to Turn Depression Into Millions | Lilly Singh on Impact Theory

It's not inevitable. We're all going to get heartbroken over and over again. We're all going to deal with failures all over again, but it's how we think about those moments in that moment. So, I've kind of trained my brain to allow myself to be upset when I'm heartbroken, and allow myself to feel failure, but not be down in the dumps about it for too long. Getting hurt efficiently means we're hurt. How can we efficiently learn a lesson in this moment so that the next time you will be heartbroken, which you will be, it's inevitable, you're better equipped to deal with it. Everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. Our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams. All right, today's guest is a comedian, actress, entertainer, New York Times best-selling author, and one of the biggest YouTube stars on the planet. With over 2.5 billion views to her name and a combined subscriber count of over 30 million, it's not hard to see why Forbes magazine named her the number one influencer in the entertainment category. Her rise to superstardom, however, was anything but obvious. Her first video on YouTube only received 70 total views, and it took her the better part of a decade of serving her viewers her signature brand of hilarious positivity to rise to the top. Her determination, hard work, and blinding commitment to her fans, however, paid off big time, and Forbes recently estimated her annual income at over 10 million dollars, making her the top-earning female on YouTube. She's also collaborated with some of the biggest stars in the world, including Will Smith, Bill Gates, Zendaya, Selena Gomez, and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. And proving that she's bankable beyond YouTube, she's also landed roles in the major motion pictures Bad Moms, Ice Age: Collision Course, and HBO's Fahrenheit 451. Her reach even extends beyond entertainment. In 2017, she was appointed UNICEF's global goodwill ambassador, and her female empowerment initiative Girl Love was backed by Michelle Obama. And as if that wasn't enough, she's also a proven entrepreneur who has launched her own lipstick with makeup juggernaut Smashbox, and done brand partnerships with global giants such as Coca-Cola, Pantene, and Calvin Klein. So, please help me in welcoming the woman Verve magazine called a pop culture superhero, the superwoman herself, Lilly Singh. Yay! Thanks for having me. Aw, thank you for being here. Can you do my intros all the time? That's the plan. That was the best thing. I was standing there and I was like, Let's keep going. Really good. Well, we could have kept going. It's really insane what you've done with a platform that started out as a unknown pretty much back when you started. YouTube was not like a future career thing like it is now, which is weird in and of itself. But also that it was born of the depression and trying to like kickstart and do something that was going to shake you out of that. Mhm. Um how did you begin that process of building something? What does the the march to success start with? Yeah, for me honestly was unplanned. So, it wasn't I think right now we're in a time where a lot of creators think YouTube is a very sustainable platform and I want to be a YouTuber, so let me be rich and famous on YouTube. When I started in 2010, that was not a thing. You know, I was the last person to catch on to YouTube. All my friends are watching this thing and I was like, "What are you guys wasting your time with on this video platform thing? It's going to disappear." Um and I spontaneously one day posted a video, not because I thought it could be my job, not because I could thought I could make money from it, but literally because I was sad. So, the story is that I was getting my psychology degree, and I wasn't passionate about it. You know, I was doing everything my sister had done before me, and I was following her footsteps blindly. And after I graduated, my dad was like, "Great. Now get your master's degree." And I was like, "Okay, this is I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't I'm not passionate about any of these things." And so, in that little funk, I discovered YouTube. So, it's kind of like the stars aligning perfectly, and I posted a first video really spontaneously. It was a spoken word piece about religion. It was very, very, very bad, and it got 70 views, and I think I just fell in love with having a goal during that downtime and learning something new, something I wasn't trained at. Psychology doesn't really help that much with learning how to use a camera. And so, I had to make it up as I went along, and it was very exciting for me. Speaking of making it up as you go along, so your book, How to Be a Bawse Yeah, nailed the pronunciation. I know you were nervous. Everyone's nervous. I'm like, "How to be a" You got to practice it a few times. it. And reading the book, A, I was impressed because it's really good, and so that I hope people really pick it up. Um it's it got a lot of stuff that's incredibly usable. And in it, you were describing what a bawse is exactly. Nailed it again. Huh? I'm going to keep the whole time. I got you. Um and what I loved about it, there was something in it so surprising, and I wanted to ask you about it, and you said that a a bawse is somebody that is hurt efficiently. Yes. And I thought, "Whoa, what does that mean? How does one" Yeah, it's kind of another way of saying it is that there's no failures, there's lessons. I mean, that's that's another way of putting it, but it's just this idea of when I reflect back in my life, I think about all the times I really became a better person or a smarter person, it's because of something that was very hurtful or painful or an unpleasant experience. And now, I think very often in the future now, when I'm when I'm through those experiences, that's inevitable. We're all going to get heartbroken over and over again. We're all going to deal with failures all over again, but it's how we think about those moments in that moment. So, I've kind of trained my brain to allow myself to be upset when I'm heartbroken, allow myself to feel failure, but not be down in the dumps about it for too long, not be like, "Oh, well, I'm worthless," or "Oh, well, this is just how it's meant to be, and the world is against me." Getting hurt efficiently means we're hurt. How can we efficiently learn a lesson in this moment? What could I have done differently? What could I expected differently? How could I have reacted differently? So that the next time you will be heartbroken, which you will be, it's inevitable, you're better equipped to deal with it. So you've got a lot of codifications, ways of conceptualizing life and how things are and how you should react to them. You talk about getting control of your mind. Where did you begin to put all of this stuff together and what are some of the really important parts of your code of beliefs? You know, it's funny. When I was writing my book and I was sitting in my room all alone, I thought, "Oh my god, I think I'm really smart." Honestly, I was writing all this stuff cuz like these are all things I've done in my life and experiences I've had, but it wasn't until I was compiling them in a book that I thought, "Oh, these are just organized lessons of my life." And so the book writing experience was liberating for me and very educational for me as well. And I'm so glad that people that read it feel the same way. But the code honestly came from being unhappy. That's the truth. I think I learned how to be happy because I know what unhappiness felt like. And I I was able to dissect all the reasons I was unhappy, you know, all the reasons, one of them, blindly following my sister, doing what she was doing, listening to everyone else except myself, not paying attention to all the signs my mind and body were giving me saying, "We're not doing the right thing." And I think having so much experience in that dark phase really helps you become better because how can you become better if you don't know what the worst version of yourself is? And what are some of those signs of the mind and body? What do they look like? What do they feel like? Cuz I think this is something that people struggle with a lot. Yeah, people often ask me they watch my vlogs, my second vlog channel where I'm doing a whole bunch of stuff in a day. You know, like today for example, I already had two meetings. I'm going to come here. I'm going to go home. I'm going to prep for a shoot. I I do so many things in a day. And people are like, "How? How do you do this? Like what is the trick?" It's because I really love what I do and I'm really passionate about what I do. I think one of the signs my body and mind were giving me before is that I would get lazy really quickly. I would get tired really really quickly. I would cut corners and come up with little justifications as to why that was okay. Like I would be studying for my my psych stuff and being like, "Oh well like you know is this section really important? Probably not you know we'll just skim this over." I don't do that with what I'm doing right now. I'm really thorough and I think that's a sign of doing the right thing. Of course if I'm real we don't always have that luxury. You know we don't have the luxury of doing what we want to do all the time. So it's important to kind of pay your dues in that way. The first video I made sucked. It totally sucked. My body wasn't like, "This is the right thing to do." You know I had to pay my dues and get better at it but I think you shouldn't just not try because you have to pay your dues. I want to talk about that. So what I love in that and you've got the whole thing of um take the stairs over the escalator and that your whole path to success has been the stairs. It's been the long grind. It's been the slow build which is amazing and you talk about that creates a much better foundation. Um so if this is a process the book. I really read the book. impressed. Wow. This is like more than like a little synopsis you read. This is very good. Yes. Seriously subscribe. Thank you. Um and what what I really want to know so if this is a process like okay so I begin to recognize the things that that are making me tired fatigue and these are signs that I'm not on the right path but I know the next question is going to be so how do I find the right path? What what is that process? Yeah you know for me I went through this phase where I just stopped saying no to things. So when I first started YouTube I thought okay I'm I'm opening the gates up to this new platform and this new type of creation I've never done before but I've also started going to shows more often. I started to meet different types of people. I think a big part of finding out what's right for you is stop confining yourself to a path that you've been convinced is the path. This what I'm doing right now is nowhere on the path for a young Indian girl that's a part of my family. Like this is nowhere on the path. It was very much so go to school and get married and have kids and that's a success. If you if you're able to have those kids and give my mom some grandkids, you're successful. And I think it's about really stepping outside of that and exploring, whether that's in school and taking classes that you might not take at first glance, whether it's going and experiencing different types of arts, meeting different types of people, making new friends. I think there's so much out there that you don't even know exists. And I'm a testament to that. I make videos on the internet. Ask my mom if she thought that could have been a job when she was growing up, you know? So I think it's all about just really getting out there and seeing what's available. And so then what are the signs that somebody should look for to know that okay, this is something that resonates? I think I okay, I love sleep. I just need to emphasize I love sleep. But there's some mornings when I wake up and I'm like, I don't even care how tired I am. I'm so excited about this day. So I think being excited to wake up, also you'll just see it in your energy, I think as well. The little pep in your step I have when I'm walking to set is really telling. Also the people you surround yourself with. I think when you start to get surrounded by people, um and my team is a great example of this, that really bring out the best in you and you feel yourself growing and learning and maybe a little more patient or a little more creative or you think about things a little differently. Any type of evolution like that I think is definitely signs you're doing the right thing. You know, this this entire career path has been everything but comfortable. No part of it's comfortable. So even on the days when I come home and I think that was horrible. That audition was horrible. I can literally feel part of me evolving as like, okay, but you did it and now you know for the next one what to do. You'll know what to expect for the next one. And those scary things are all signs that you're doing the right thing cuz you're growing. That's really interesting and the concept of getting outside of your comfort zone, I know that's really big for you. How do you push yourself to do that and how do you make sure that you're getting something out of it? Cuz I'll give you like a real fear that I have for people cuz it's exactly what happened to me. So, I forced myself out of my comfort zone, same thing. I know that famous quote like your your dream world is just on the other side of your comfort and all that. So, I put myself into business. I was learning it. I was always behind. I always was embarrassing myself and looking stupid. And so, as I was gaining skills, I was also gaining a massive amount of anxiety. Mhm. And so, how do people make the most of those moments of discomfort? Well, you know, it's it's I'm happy that you touched on anxiety because it's a real thing and a lot of being an entrepreneur is stressful and it is it does take a toll on your body, your mind, and your health. And so, something I believe to be equally as productive as work is meditation and taking some time to recover. I have something called Rejuvenation Sunday. I mean, it's in my calendar. It prompts up. Sometimes on that Sunday, I'm like, "Need to even work." But, it's in my calendar and it goes off every Sunday. Um I think taking those times to actually consolidate those lessons and resetting yourself is very, very important because at the end of the day, we are beings like a tired and we wear down and I think that's important. But, um making the most out of stepping out of your comfort zone, I have this thing where I like to visualize things. I know cuz it's easy to talk about all of these things and then talk about Tumblr quotes. I'm like, "Oh, cool. Success." But, when you're actually down to it, it's hard. It's hard walking into an audition for an example and then doing really badly and going home and thinking, "Well, oh, well, I stepped out of my comfort zone, so I should be happy." That's not a practical thing that's going to happen. You're going to go home. You're going to be sad. You're going to eat the ice cream. I've done it. I've done it all the time. But, I think visualizing like, "Okay, this is me. This is my goal." And I literally do this with my hands every time I have a failure. This is me. This is the goal. There is nothing in between there. I need to create what is in between there. Whether I do really well or really bad, that's going to be a step. And I think visualizing every failure is a little stone towards where you need to go is really helpful. You talked really powerfully about ownership and taking on owning In those moments where you've just fallen on your face and you're feeling uber shitty and you want to go eat the bowl of ice cream or maybe you're knee deep in the Häagen-Dazs. How do you begin to like get yourself out of that to tell yourself something that's that's ownership based that's like this was me I created this situation and so Yeah, the reason I'm so big on ownership is because I'm obsessed with efficiency and I just look at so much more efficient to take ownership of things than to not because if you don't take ownership of something who's going to fix it then it's just hanging there in the air of this unsolved problem that no one's addressing. When you take ownership for a mistake or decision or something you did not even a mistake maybe a bad audition you did you are then able to at least work on it and improve for the next time. If you don't take ownership like oh it was the casting director oh it was because I was sick it was because of whatever you've literally said okay I need to change nothing now it's not in my control. Taking ownership means you've taken control to actually make a different impact the next time you do that thing. So it's just the smart factual scientific efficient thing to do. And when you take that control how do you keep it from damaging your sense of self? Oh yeah that's a tough one this is where the ice cream helps as well. Here's the thing a lot of this and I'd be lying if I said that I was always super confident and always you know feeling myself I'm not I have days where I'm super low and I I'm on a roller coaster just like everybody else. It's okay to feel crappy sometimes I think it's important to feel crappy sometimes. Everyone should know what it feels like to feel crappy because then when you don't feel crappy like for example when I was standing there and you were introducing me and you're like highest paid female I thought oh my god remember when I felt crappy? And it's really important moments when you don't feel crappy but I would say your self worth has to come from not only yourself but your environment. I'm I'm really big on your physical spiritual and even the people around you are really important. So when I went through a lot of failures Um, it was hard to dig myself out when it was me alone in my bedroom and my parents were downstairs. Not because my parents are bad, my parents are lovely, but they had no idea about the world I was in or what I was going through. Um, when I'm with my team and my friends that are kind of not only supportive, but can really relate to what you're going through and it's really helpful. So, how do you How do you dig out of that? Obviously, you got to love yourself. That might be hard. Surround yourself with good people in a good environment. Put sticky notes around your room. You know, have things that make you happy around your room. My room and my whole home is just like it's like a positive rainbow Willy Wonka amazing I have a drawer that's just full of Skittles. Like it's not because I want to eat them, it's just full of Skittles. Just because opening the drawer makes me really happy and I want to see that many Skittles every time I open the drawer. I so get that. mean? So, when I'm feeling bad after audition, I just go there are the Skittles. You know? Small things. I have quotes all around my house. I have a certain friends that are my go-to friends that not necessarily because they give the best advice, they're just going to listen, they're going to be there, they're not going to judge me. It's It's impossible to think you can do these things on your own. You can do a lot of it your by yourself, but you're going to reach a point where you're like, I need good people in a good environment to pull myself out of these funks that I get from stepping out of my comfort zone. That's amazing and it's super interesting given your context. So, now back to your parents, you're surrounded by sister, parents, a whole culture. They all have ideas for where you should be going and it seems like from the things you say that your family is just like beautiful people that want good things for you. But at the same time, they were pushing you in a direction that wasn't making you happy. Um, so how do you buck against societal trends? How do you push against your parents? Like how do you build the courage, the self-confidence, maybe it's the vision to live a life that hasn't been lived before? The simple answer is I had to prove it. Like there was no fairy tale scenario where I went up to my parents and said, I want to do this. La la la, let me do this. I'm going to go do this now." They were like, uh, "Come back here. You have a year to do this." And they literally told me, "If you don't get anywhere in a year, you're going to go to grad school." So, I had a timeline on my success where I needed to prove in a year I could make something happen in the entertainment industry. Gratefully, that worked out, but not easily. All they wanted to know was that my daughter's going to be okay. She's going to be able to sustain for herself, and she's not going to be on the streets, quite bluntly. That's what they wanted. Um, and so I had to prove it. I had to take them to my shows. They saw me perform. I had to, you know, "Look, here's a check. I got a check. I I bought this thing. I bought a camera. I bought this with money." And I had to prove to them that this could become something. Because, listen, a lot of our parents, especially mine that are from a different time and place, it's not that they want you to be unhappy. They just don't get it. You know, my mom grew up in a time when, like I said, making videos on the internet, she didn't have the internet. There wasn't even that option. It was literally like, "You're going to be a a teacher, a doctor, or a lawyer." Like, that's what we know, and that's that's all. The The So, they weren't telling me to go to school because they hate me. They're telling me to go to school because they were like, "That's what you have to do. What else is there to do?" And I had to teach them. And I think there's a there's a learning curve that's really important there. So, you've talked a a lot about obsession, and you said you worked relentlessly hard to do that. Do you cultivate that obsession? Like, how do you separate yourself from the people who are really good? How do you become really extraordinary? It's exactly what you said. You have to be obsessed. And I know the word obsessed has a negative connotation, and rightfully it should a little bit. I think anyone who's really great at something is because they're obsessed. They wake up and they're thinking about it, and throughout their day they're thinking about it, and when they sleep they're thinking about it. In the middle of the night they might wake up thinking about it. That is me with this. Video ideas, I wake up in the middle of the night and I have to wake up and jot something down. Some of my video ideas are little dreams. I've had some like working in my sleep. Um, there is a level of obsession, and when I say that, usually people say, "Well, that's not really that healthy." And you're right. Some of it is a little unhealthy. Sometimes it does take over my life. Uh sometimes I do have to draw the line and I say, "Nope. I need to go meditate in my room. I can't do this." But, I don't know of a single successful person that didn't for at least a little period of time have that obsession over being successful. Let me ask you, in those moments where you decide that you're going to go meditate, is that based on hours you've spent or how you feel? How I feel. 100% how I feel. Which is more reactive than proactive, so I would love to change that. But, I'm very scientific with things. I'm very like when I write down my thoughts, I will literally dissect them, figure out what problems they are, come up with solutions, and then write down the solution. So, I'm very mechanical. I I do believe that humans we are complex, we have feelings, we have emotions, but I do think when we strip all of that away, there are very easy solutions to a lot of our problems that we make complicated. Yeah, that kind of um process-based self-awareness I find really, really interesting. How much time do you spend doing that? Depends how I feel. Sometimes it can be like hours, or sometimes it can just be like a quick 30-minute thing I need to do. So, picking up on that, the how you feel thing. So, first of all, I'm way an enabler for people that are obsessed. So, if being obsessed is bad and it's a drug addiction, I'm like your dealer. I appreciate that because I I always like I say that with a bit of caution where I'm like, "Is he going to say something that he's not okay with?" I don't know. My thing is either you want an extraordinary life or you don't. And if you want an extraordinary life, you're going to have to pay an extraordinary price. Like that that's just the way life goes. So, I'm actually really interested in that. And I when I hear you talk about it, I always hear the hedge. And I get it because you live in a world where people are going to make comments and if you can just eliminate some of that videos where I've I've talked about this. I had a you know, a bunch of people that are like, "Well, that's not healthy. But you're encouraging kids, you're encouraging them not to sleep, not I'm like, "No. I sleep." I'm not encouraging them not to sleep, but I do want to realistically tell people that if you want to achieve something at such a level like it costs a price. Because I do fear right now with all the cute Tumblr quotes and all the you know, the idea that you're special and you're worth it. Everyone's special and you are worth it, but you need to work for it. Like, it's not going to a Tumblr quote of you believing in yourself is not going to get you success. So, I also do fear that the opposite of that is letting kids know like, "Yeah, get your sleep and get this and just believe in yourself and you're special and you'll get it done." Like, is is that is that really going to get them success though? It's that in combination with a lot of hard work and I think that latter part is never told in a very straightforward accurate way. Yeah, I love that. You had a quote that really hit me. I'll paraphrase it. I'll get close. Yeah. Um the universe may like the law of attraction, but it likes a hustle a good hustle even more. That's like word for word what it is, by the way. I love that quote. That was the word for word what the quote is. Wow. It's such a good quote and it's so important for people to understand. And one thing I would love for you to to try to capture for people is um and and I'll serve this one up cuz I know you like the hard questions. I've watched your your um your live answers, which are great, by the way. Um and what is the beautiful part? The beautiful part of an obsession? Cuz I know you don't want So, the reason I kept harping on, do you do it based on time or feeling? And you said, "Always feeling." Which means you're in tune. So, when you give the advice, you're assuming that person's in tune that they listen to themselves. And when it's getting unhealthy, you would expect them to stop. But what's that beautiful part of the obsession of of going after something extraordinary that you want you want that young girl or young boy to see and chase? Honestly, it's purpose. My obsession has given me great purpose. I know what it feels like to wake up and just aimlessly be like, "Guess I'm going to go through the motions of my day and maybe I'll talk to this person and I'll eat these Fruit Loops. Cool. I'll do whatever I need to do." Waking up with my obsession is is honestly exciting. I get to wake up and get to make rules and break rules. When you have an obsession, no matter what industry you're in, you get into that mindset where you're like, "What else could I do to innovate this? What could I do differently? What could I do that's never done been done before?" So, every day you really feel like you're adding value to the world and adding value to the people around you. That's the beautiful part of obsession. My obsession has led me to 13 million subscribers that watch me and also gain inspiration from what I do. And you know, I'm hoping the people that surround me every day are also inspired by some of the stuff we do. So, it's it's the chain reaction you cause, you know, that purpose and you give other people purpose. Now, they're going to give someone else purpose. So, it's just it's you lose a little sleep, but look at the result. It's a small cost to pay, I feel. And I love sleep. I love sleep. I need to emphasize that I love sleep. But like, there's going to be days like on tour is a prime example. On a regular day, like how many how many hours of sleep do you need? Uh if you're like, "I'm rested. I need this many hours of sleep." Six. Yeah, see, that for me, that's amazing. You're a superhero. Me, if I could choose, 10 hours. I would like want 10 hours of sleep. But then on tour, when I'm traveling around the world and performing, there's days where I get two. And I wake up and I'm like, "Let's go. Let's do the thing." It's a small cost to pay for sometimes for a big result. I love that, man. And and your ability to create energy is extraordinary. And I I'm going to reach in your soul cuz I know you did this on purpose. Yes. You filmed a few videos where you were sick or exhausted or whatever. And you would leave four frames frames of your exhaustion at the very end. So, you'd be like, "Hi, Angie. Hi." right as you cut the camera at the very end. And I was like, "That's so smart." because I can in that realize the the power statement, which is if you want something in life, you're going to have to create energy. You're not always going to feel like doing it. Yeah, I Listen, in addition to entertaining, I I do funny stuff. That's primarily what I do. But a lot of what I would like to do, I believe I'm doing is encouraging the hustle. It's like I'm doing all this funny stuff. It's not a 10-minute video doesn't take 10 minutes. You know, it takes a village and it takes a lot a lot of time and you're absolutely right, I do do that in my vlogs and in my main channel videos. I'm not shy to let people know how much work this takes. I think that's what makes what I do so special because back in the day, traditional, for lack of better word, celebrities, they were perfect. They were always on and always flawless. I would like to show people a person who works really tired was was really long hours, gets really tired, gets pimples and like it that's what it takes to do what I'm doing. You know, it's not just that I show up and everything's glamorous and then I reap all the benefits. That's not what it is. That's not what it is for anybody but it's not. It's a lot of work. So, if you're watching this and you're like, let me dissect this interview like what are the tips and tricks? There's no tips and tricks. There's just a lot of work. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of focused work and that's that's the biggest message I can drive home is that of course there's practices and things you can do but you need to stop making excuses. You need to put your head down and you need to make a plan and then you need to execute the plan. I love that. Word. Yeah, it's true and the the two things I think stall people out is one they're looking for a tip or trick or a shortcut which means that they're just coming at it from the wrong way and then two, nobody does what you just did which is talk about the beautiful part, the the reward, the purpose that you get out of something which is really really extraordinary. Talk to me about that this was arguably the most surprising thing that I read in your book and that was that for somebody who was so vulnerable, you don't always want to show all your vulnerabilities. You want to keep some secrets. Chapter two. Yeah, so Game of Thrones chapter. Yeah. Yeah. Uh I just I think I grew up and I think many people do grow up thinking that a successful relationship or a right correct relationship is one where you are completely transparent with other people and I I'm going to say yes and no to that. You know, I grew up with a very strong mother that had to deal with some challenges in her life and she wasn't always able to show all of her cards to everyone. And that's something she taught me at a young age. She thought, you can be honest, doesn't mean you have to lie to people, but there's no need to share every detail about your strengths and weaknesses in your life with other people because you never know where life is going to take you and you never know what that information will be used for. And so, it's the same thing of when I'm in a meeting. You know, if I'm if I'm listening to someone, I've been told very often that I have a poker face in meetings and that the person doesn't know what I'm thinking. And that's my version of being secretive. It's I don't want them to know if I'm really, really excited or if I'm super disappointed with what they're saying because I want time to think about it and I want to after this meeting go back and consolidate my thoughts and then approach it with, you know, tactic. So, I don't want to always be so revealing and I think that's important. I love how much you um you make moves, right? You calculate, you do things according to a plan. I love that. Yes and no. I calculate to a plan, but sometimes I also just like if I'm feeling something is right, I'm like, this is not a part of plan, but this feels right for me. That's interesting. How often do you override? Um it's hard to put a ratio on it. I'd say I do like to be calculated, but on the off chance that there is something that needs to be addressed that's not calculated, I will do so accordingly. Because I still want to have that human instinct in me. I think that's important to not die. Plan, plan, plan, that's good, but I still want to have the ability to be like, I need to act and jump right away on this thing. What I find interesting about people that have a degree of like, okay, I know exactly what I'm trying to get from my life. There there's a really a plan here. There's a road map. There's something I'm executing against is they're just able to accomplish so much more and then the intriguing part becomes that the ability to believe in the big thing. And you've been really open about um just how much you want to accomplish in your life. How have you stepped into owning that, uh which I think is really, really difficult for everybody and can be almost paralyzing for some women because they're not rewarded for it often times. wait. how have you learned to step into that? What are things that people could take away and implement in their own lives? I'm glad you said the women part because I think that's something women really struggle with. I've had this conversation with I think a mutual friend of ours, Cassie, as well. And I I talk with a lot of my fellow women and I'm like, "Okay, we are all bomb. Like, we're doing a lot of cool stuff. Every time we have to talk about it, we're kind of like, "Oh, okay, let's just beat around the bush a little bit." It's difficult for women. I think we're not praised for that. Um I've started to care less about that and the prime reason for that is I have a very good idol. And his name is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. And I think he is someone who is so successful and the number one thing I've learned from him is how he shares his success in such a humble way that also validates himself. If you ever just go on his Instagram, it's from a place that's like, "This cool stuff is happening and it's really exciting and important for me. So, I'm going to I'm going to share it because it means a lot to me, but this is this doesn't make me better than anybody else and nor does this put me on a pedestal of any type. Not because it's going to alter the way you think about me. I'm just proud of this thing." And so, I think we need to change our association, our relationship with our success in that way. It's interesting. So, you talk about taking the GPS deep and really going inside yourself, really figuring out what your issues are, what motivates you. How do people do that? How do they get good at that? How do they get good cuz you you even broke it down like this is level one discovery, right? Exactly. So, how do you help people figure out what the realities of those tiers are? Yeah, so quick summary would be that anything we do, any action we make, I believe we have many layers as to why we made that decision. At the top is like, "Oh, I made this decision of what I what I tell everybody else of why I made that decision." The second layer is what I tell myself. So, say if I took this glass and I broke this glass. Okay, what I tell everybody else is like, "Oh, it slipped. The glass slipped." Then what I tell myself when I dig a little deeper is, "Oh, I thought it would be funny, so I I broke the glass." Okay? Then if I dig really, really deep into like, "What the real reason I smashed this glass?" It would be because, honestly, I think the segment I was doing really, really bad and I wanted a distraction. That's not true. I think I'm killing this. But for the point of this example, what I'm saying is when you dig really, really deep, there's we we lie to ourselves so often and that's the number not the number one one of the ways to succeed is just to really address that. Because people think of lying to other people only. When you think of lying, you think, "Oh, I lied to my mom. I lied to my boyfriend. I lied to whoever." We lie to ourselves all the time about why we did something, why we said something. Sometimes our instincts can kick in. Like if you ask me an uncomfortable question, I'll respond right away because it's uncomfortable. But what I'm saying to you is not true. If I dig deeper, I understand why I acted that way. It's really important. You need to be in tune with yourself if you want to be successful. I mean, the world it gets really uncomfortable. Success gets really uncomfortable sometimes. It's a lot of stress. It's a lot of pressure. If you're not truly in tune with your biggest teammate, which is yourself, there's no way you can succeed. You need to know yourself really well. So, I encourage everyone to actually write down things. Like, "I made this decision. Why did I do that?" Write down all the reasons you did it and be real with yourself. Say it out loud in an empty room where no one can hear you so there's no pressure. Why did you say that? Why did you do that? Were you scared? Were you nervous? And then why? It can go back to your childhood sometimes. It can go back to some horrible experiences you had. But it's better to address it. You know? Yeah, I know for sure. You talk a lot about loving yourself. So, in that process of going in, how do you um help yourself or maybe how do you help other people when they dig deeper and they realize some of their motives are ugly to them, right? That they know that it's coming from an insecurity or something. Um how do you help them even in those moments love themselves sort of warts and all? I have this analogy in my book which is like, "Listen, when you dig really deep, sometimes you find things that are horrible that can't be fixed. Sometimes you had a childhood or experience where you're like, 'I can work really hard on this, but I know this is so embedded in my very every molecule of myself that I I be able to change it.'" And then my analogy is, all right, then put a bucket under a leaky faucet. If you know it's there, you can at least be really honest about it. And the example I give in the book is, I have major trust issues. I will openly admit that. Everyone watching is like, "Preach, girl. Same." I know. We can all relate, but it's When you When you dig deep down, you'll you'll find the reason for those trust issues is either something you can work on, and then hopefully you can fix, or something you simply cannot. And my bucket for that leaky faucet is, every relationship I get into, literally I tell them this exact sentence. I'm like, "Listen, I have really big trust issues. If you lie to me, I will not be able to forgive you. I'm telling you right now. That's why I'm single." First dates, that's what I say. But no, I'm kidding. No. But it's true. It's what I say. I say I I want to. It's not that I don't want to forgive you. Every part of me will want to forgive you if you lie, but I will not be able to. I'm openly telling you this right now so that you know, if you lie, that's going to be the leaky faucet that comes out, and all you're going to have is a bucket. You're not going to be able to fix it. So, it's about addressing and being honest. And like there's no solutions every problem. That's okay. At least you know the problem. At least the problem isn't that you don't know the problem. Right. You know? Yeah, yeah, for sure. So, as people go into this and as they begin to accept themselves, how do they start getting momentum going in a positive direction so that they they really do feel love for themselves? That the first thought that they have in the morning isn't one that's negative. Um how do they from a process standpoint make that happen? For me, there was a period of time where I really didn't love myself. I think it's that time before I started YouTube where if I loved myself, I would have got out of bed. You know, if I loved myself or I That's not fair. I guess there's there's a lot of reasons, but for my personal journey, I guess, not to generalize, if I loved myself, I would have had goals at that time. I would have taken better care of myself. I would have spent time with my friends. Um my change came with not only within but how I was treating myself outside, like I mentioned. So, I stopped putting myself in a dark room. I started opening the curtains. I started to answer my friends' phone calls. I started to talk to people. The first time I ever talked to my parents about anything I was feeling really, really strongly emotionally was when I got out of that depression. Prior to that, for all the years of my life, I'd never had a conversation with my parents that was like, "This is what I'm really feeling inside." And so, I started to accept that I needed help and I need to talk to people. Um I even started dressing differently. I was like, "These shoes are fun. I'm going to wear these shoes. They just make me happy." Um and I was making all those small decisions decisions every single day. A lot of positive self-talk as well. I think, you know, even now when I accomplish something, I don't care how many people come up to me and say, "Congratulations. You did really well. This is a cool thing." When I lie down at bed, I literally hug myself and I'm like, "You did really good. That was a really good thing you did today." Even today, with all the people that are validating me, it still means something for me to tell myself, "You did a really good job." If I'm having a bad day, this is something I've practiced for years, I will talk to myself as well. You know, if I had a really bad meeting, I'll get into my car and I go, "That sucked. It's okay. You know what? We're going to do better next time." And And it's just about being your friend. You know, just like how you would talk to another friend, you got to talk to yourself the same way. And And it's a journey. There's no easy solution. There's no like, "Now I love myself." It's a process. It's a journey. It's going to be hard, as all things are. Well, now let's really make it complicated. So, when you mess up, yep, you're going to have an internal critic that's always brutal. But, in today's age, with social media, and you're like an an extreme example of somebody that has to deal with this, but every kid now has to deal with like the one-off tweet about them being fat, ugly, stupid, whatever. How do you encounter something like that and not let it become part of your internal narrative? Yeah, I think with social media, we really need to understand why people use it the way they use it. I truly believe there should be a class in school because social media is such a big part of everyone's life. When someone writes something on the internet, we need to really put ourselves in their shoes. This is what I literally do. I get a lot of hate comments. I mean someone just commented saying like I slept with YouTube execs to get my subscribers and I'm like, "Who told you?" But literally I just imagine the person sitting there writing this comment and I think, "Okay, I didn't write a comment like this to someone today. I didn't wake up and think that I need to write something mean to someone. Why why didn't I do that? Let me think. It's because well one I'm busy, I'm I'm happy. I don't that doesn't make me happy. Doing that won't make me happy. And I just don't see the need to do that. So why did this person feel the need to do that? So then I put myself in their shoes. Well, clearly they gained something from this or else people don't do things. Everyone does things because it makes them feel good or they gain something from it. That's why people smoke even though they know they're going to get cancer because it feels good. And so they're gaining something from putting someone else down which means they're not happy. They're not in a happy place. They're not accomplishing the goals they want to accomplish. I think it's really important at a young age for kids to know that. That when someone writes something on the internet, they're not telling you a story, they're telling theirs. They're telling their story of unhappiness of not being where they want to be and I really believe that. So there's many times where we read a hate comment and I go, "Oh, I'm going to roast you." and I write something and I I literally just delete it cuz I'm like, I'm I'm not I'm not You have your own issue you're dealing with and I'm not going to it's going to be to no benefit to me to respond. I know you you talk really interestingly about getting control of your mind. You've talked about um treating basically life like you're playing Nintendo. How do you get control of your emotions? How do you get control of your by the way cuz I would love a brand deal. Nintendo if you're watching this, it's in my book. You might as well. I think it goes a little bit back to taking ownership. You know, when you take ownership, it's not like when you're playing Nintendo you go, "Oh, Mario died because the the thing in the game No, Mario you killed Mario." Like just take the ownership. So I think it goes back to you can't control the environment you're in. You know, when you have a really really bad day, you can't control the other driver that cuts you off. You can't control whoever was mean to you. You can't control the fact that you missed the elevator. You can't control any of those things. You can only control yourself. So, it's about being more proactive. How do you do that? Well, okay, if a driver's going to cut you off, play some really good music so you're in a good mood. Leave 5 minutes earlier. You know what I mean? If you missed the elevator and you were late, wake up earlier. It's about doing those proactive things. And the simplest example, the simplest example everyone can relate to. What's the most infuriating thing that happens to us every day? Our phone dying. Back in the day, this used to infuriate me. My phone would die and I'd have to go to a meeting and I wouldn't know where it was or where to park and I went GPS would die. You know what I did? I played Nintendo. I was like, well, I can't control the phone. I can't control the environment. I can't control the parking and the meeting. You know what I control? Putting a damn charger in my car. And then that's what I did. And then that whole situation was solved. That's a really small example, but we have things like that throughout our entire lives. You know, not having the thing you need when when you need it or not getting somewhere on time, not having the conversation you There's solutions to all those things if you just take control and figure out what's in your control and stop blaming the environment. And then I use Mario cuz it's a prime example. The platform is not to blame. You can't blame Bowser. You can't blame the Koopa Troopas. It's Mario. You can You blame Mario. You are Mario. Those are some good references. So, talk to me about your concept of F plan B. Yes, F a plan B. Um I'm sure this is probably a thing in a lot of cultures, not not just specific to Indian culture, but my parents always raised me with a huge huge importance on having a plan and then a plan B. So, something to fall back on and that's very often how my parents viewed a degree as well. I would always be like, but I don't want to do psychology. I don't want to use my psychology degree. I'm never going to do something related to this. And my dad would always be like, well, it's something to fall back on. But that was always what they thought. You should have a backup plan. I felt that when I decided to take that year to hustle really hard, that backup plan was always in my mind as something to fall back on. So, anytime I would work really hard, I would think, oh well, if I don't figure this out, you know, I have that backup plan. And if this stuff doesn't work out, then I won't fail because I have that backup plan. But because I was doing that, I think I wasn't putting the 2,000% effort I needed into things because there was always that safety net there. When I officially decided, like, no, I am not going to do that, I'm going to do what I set out to do, which was do entertainment, and in this year, I'm going to become successful. I started doing things with so much more effort and relentlessness where you could see the difference in the result. And I know that's really scary, and a lot of parents disagree with me when I say this, but I think it's important. I think, you know, kids need to be given credit. I think if they have a plan A and really, really give it their all and see years and years from now it doesn't go anywhere, they will figure it out. I think kids these days are really smart, and they have a lot of options, and they have a lot of resources. And and the fact that I'm sitting here with the career that I have is a testament to that. No, that's interesting, and I loved earlier when you said that there should be a class for, you know, figuring some of this stuff out, which is I think there should be a class for figuring out the internet and also figuring out just working hard. I honestly, a lot of the things in my book are not things I learned in school. You know, there of course is classes, there's biology, there's English, there's all of that. There should be a class that's just about work ethic. How to work well. What it mean And also how to work differently. Not everyone learns in the way school is structured. That's something that really drove me crazy at the end of my university career was I can't learn through sitting in this lecture for 3 hours with professor that's just talking to me. Like I I'm not really applying this information in any such way. I've learned so much being practical in the world and learning thing hands-on. And some people are like that, and I think school needs to let them know that's Because a lot of kids leave school thinking, I didn't learn how everyone else learned, so I must be dumb. No, you just might need to learn a different way. And there should be an actual class, find your way of learning. That's what it should be called. Yeah, no, I actually I that's really powerful, and I think a lot of people struggle really profoundly with that. Mhm. Um let's talk about Girl Love, the initiative. What is it about? What made you kick it off? What do you hope comes of it? Well, I'm going to start this conversation by saying, back to your point of what do you do when you fail? How do you get over it? Girl Love is a prime example of a huge failure that I turned into something that was not a failure. So, Girl Love was started um because I was planning to do a collab with someone that was a really, really cool actress that's going to remain unnamed. Um but I was so excited to do this collab with her. And the idea for our collab was the Girl Love Challenge where we would sit together just like me and I and we would compliment girls. Because of whatever happened with the studio and the books and the the flights or whatever, it couldn't happen to no fault of her own. And that's why I don't like to name her name because I don't want the internet to make it something it's not. But it never happened and I was so bummed about it. I really loved this concept of having a Girl Love Challenge, but it never happened. So, I was like super upset for 3 4 days. I was like, I don't want to make any videos anymore, forget it. Until I was like, you know what? Why don't I just still do it but with all of my friends? So, we made this Girl Love video where we all complimented other women that were very inspiring to us and it was a huge success. So many news outlets picked it up. Other very notable celebrities, Tyra Banks picked it up, Priyanka Chopra said something about it and it was just became something online and people using the hashtag Girl Love. So, in my mind it was just a a video that was supposed to happen. But after the success of it, I thought, no, we should make it a movement. So, a couple years ago I decided to make it a full-fledged social good campaign and Girl Love is aimed at two things. One, from a local level, it's just about letting girls know that it's cool to support other women. Because I feel culturally that's not encouraged. You know, everyone's talking about Taylor's Swift versus Katy Perry and the argument that girls have in movies and how girls have to fight over guys and it's not very much so um spotlighted that women can support other women and that's cool. It's not just right, it's cool. Cool being the keyword for young girls. Um and the second part of Girl Love is helping women around the world, you know, whether it's education, whether it's rights, whether it's um health because a big belief of Girl Love is one woman cannot be successful if women around the world are struggling. I really view humanity like that even aside from Girl Love. I I don't feel that any anyone can sit there um with a lot of money and fame and think, "I'm really successful." if other humans in the world don't even have water to drink. I I think it's real success is making sure everyone on the planet has those basic needs. Um so that's what Girl Love's all about. It's about banding women together um and really showing strength and sisterhood. That's interesting. And so from that, what like when you think about creating a social movement or having grand impact, how possible do you think that is? Here's the thing. I I struggled with this a lot and I think a lot of people are so hesitant to give to causes whether time or money to causes because they think, "Well, what difference is it really going to make in such a big bad world? My little contribution, what can it do?" And I'm going to argue it can do a lot because impact is not just affecting millions, it's affecting the one or two people I impacted with creative solutions. Um an example I always like to give is in Kenya, one of the places in the Masai Mara where I do a lot of my work, is a really common problem and that problem is girls don't usually get to go to school because they're too busy fulfilling the demands of the family life. So they have to go and fetch water from a well that's miles away and they have to spend most of their time doing that. So there's no time to go to school. Now at first glance, a lot of people are going to be like, "Well, what are you going to do about that? You can't change the culture. You can't change what needs to happen. They need to drink water." And then a great organization by the name of WE came in and were like, "Well, what if we put the water well at the school?" And I was like, "That's a really creative solution to a problem which you would have otherwise thought, 'Oh, there is no solution to. So, I would say every little contribution, every bit of creative thinking, awareness, time, money does make a difference. There are solutions to most problems, I will say. We might not know what they are, but they exist. They need We need to be creative and innovative to come up with those solutions, but I do believe solutions exist. I love that. All right, before I ask my last question I have to leave, but I like it here. Very kind. So, where can they find you online? Oh, I mean, where can you not find me online? Um YouTube, youtube.com/lillysing l i l l y 3 l's all together, sing s a n g h, Instagram iisuperwomanii, same on Twitter, same on Facebook. What else exists? That's pretty much it that I use. Those are the things. Um every Monday and Thursday I make comedy videos on YouTube and I vlog every single day on my second channel as well. Nice. Yeah, so this will be in the vlog. Nice. Yeah. Cool. And then, last but not least, what is the impact you want to have on the world? The impact I want to have on the world. I think I really want to encourage people to believe that whatever they want to be, even if it doesn't exist, is possible. And that is because my job is so unconventional and everything I wanted is so different from what I was raised to believe I could have. And if you're creative, if you mix creativity with hustling hard, any job position, anything you want to become is possible. Show people what your value is and then they'll pay you for your value. I love that. Lilly, thank you so much for being on the show. That was incredible. Thank you. All right, guys, I'm telling you right now you're going to want to dive into this woman's world. It is absolutely incredible. The content that she puts out is amazing from the hilarious scripted stuff through to the live stuff that she does answering people telling them all kinds of crazy stuff and often tormenting herself by eating tomatoes and doing all kinds of weird things that she hates to entertain and educate. And I think this is somebody who uniquely understands that you have to entertain before you have the right to educate. And because she does both, her content is insanely powerful. And to see what she's done for the journey of her own life is absolutely breathtaking. From being a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador to going and doing work in Africa to what she's trying to build by touching women's lives all around the world through her Girl Love initiative. And the fact that she tours, literally tours around the world is absolutely incredible. Really trying to be an example for people that you can set your own path. And what I love is that her message is actually real. And so she's not BSing people. She's really telling people the hard truth, which is that you've got to have something that you love that gives you more energy, that you become obsessed with, and that you're willing to pour your time and energy into to do something extraordinary. And that is a lesson that I think everybody can take something incredibly powerful away from. So, while I know 99.9% of you are already following her, hence the numbers, if you're not already, be sure to. You will not regret it. And if you haven't already here, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Everybody, thank you so much for watching and being a part of this community. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. You're going to get weekly videos on building a growth mindset, cultivating grit, and unlocking your full potential.