Video summary
The speaker addresses the common struggle entrepreneurs and professionals face where they cannot stop thinking about work even on their days off, leading to feelings of helplessness and inadequacy. He argues that trying forcefully to suppress these thoughts often makes them persist longer, suggesting instead a shift in perspective from "how do I stop" to "what makes me feel safe." The core message is that true rest and mental satisfaction come when we cultivate emotional and physical safety, allowing the mind to relax and recognize that it has done enough. This sense of safety enables us to be our authentic selves without constantly planning for tomorrow or regretting past actions, creating a space where possibilities can emerge naturally rather than through forced problem-solving.
To explain why this happens biologically, the video delves into the HPA axis (hypothalamic-adrenal-pituitary-adrenal), which governs the body's stress response. When perceived danger occurs, the hypothalamus signals the pituitary gland to release hormones that activate the adrenal glands, flooding the bloodstream with cortisol and triggering a fight-or-flight reaction characterized by sweaty palms, tight muscles, and heightened alertness. The speaker notes that while work often provides a sense of control and autonomy which dampens this stress response, life outside of work can feel chaotic because we lose that immediate agency. Consequently, our minds ruminate on unsolved problems to regain a false sense of control, mistaking mental rehearsal for actual progress, even though it prevents us from truly resting or enjoying the present moment.
The solution proposed involves creating deliberate "pattern interrupts" and establishing rituals that transfer feelings of safety and joy from work into home life before ruminative thoughts can take over. The speaker shares his personal practice of playing guitar immediately after finishing work to reconnect with his body in a different, enjoyable way, effectively signaling the end of the workday identity. He emphasizes taking just three minutes to sit quietly upon arriving home or leaving the office, allowing any lingering worries to surface and pass without judgment. This simple act helps distinguish between one's professional self and personal life, ensuring that we do not bring our "office persona" into relationships where presence, romance, and emotional connection are required for a healthy family dynamic.
Ultimately, the video concludes by urging viewers to simplify their approach to mental well-being rather than seeking complex new tricks or overcomplicating the transition between work and home. The speaker warns against self-judgment when thoughts arise during these quiet moments, reminding us that stress often stems from how we speak to ourselves about our own experiences. By accepting that most of life is out of our control yet choosing to take ownership of what matters, we can achieve a state of contentment where the HPA axis functions harmoniously instead of perpetually triggering danger alarms. The final takeaway is an invitation to embrace grace and calmness during transitions, recognizing that being fully present with loved ones and enjoying simple activities like music or silence are sufficient steps toward stopping the endless cycle of work-related anxiety.
Read the full video transcript
Hello my friend. You cannot stop
thinking about work. I've been an
entrepreneur since 2018, keynote
speaking and coaching business.
I know how it feels that every minute of
every day is spent problem-solving.
There's always something to figure out.
There's a to-do list that you have and
24 hours in a day is not enough to do
it. Okay, so it can make us feel
helpless and behind and like we're not
doing enough.
Even if we work all 24 hours every day.
And you can imagine that scenario, my
friend.
It still wouldn't feel like enough.
It still wouldn't be there. The
completion, the satisfaction
wouldn't be there. And that's something
to know.
Okay?
So, I'm going to say
we're going to go through three things
today. I'm going to reframe the question
for you. The question that you're asking
isn't helpful of how to stop thinking
about work. So, we're going to reframe
that. Then I'm going to talk about the
HPA axis, the
hypothalamic-adrenal-pituitary-adrenal
axis. Okay? So, we're going to get some
neurobiology in here. And then we're
going to do an exercise and you're going
to write down a few things you can do
right after this video starting tomorrow
or whenever you're working next and
you're going to try it out. Okay? Does
that sound good?
Okay. Number one. And there's no
teleprompter here. I'm watching these
YouTube videos and guys on Instagram and
there's all the teleprompter apps.
I've been making YouTube videos since
2014.
And I never I can't do that. I can't.
So, thank you for staying with me over
the mumbles and jumbles and if I get
carried away, I hope I hope we can just
hang out for a minute, okay? Cuz the
point of this channel is being human.
It's a place for men to rest and
transform. I believe that true
transformation comes when we can
be in a state of rest.
Cuz then we're open to possibilities and
our minds can float and have some
adventures, okay? That's that's my
experience and and what I teach. So,
what if the question is wrong?
How do I stop thinking about work? The
harder you try to stop thinking about
something, it's going to pop back up,
right? Like, don't think about titties.
Don't try to stop and suppress these
thoughts.
Let's ask a different question. The
question is, what makes you feel safe?
And why does that make you feel safe?
That's what we're after.
We're after emotional and physical
safety here. Because when we feel safe,
the mind relaxes, the body can turn off
and shut off, and we experience
satisfaction and contentment and
well-being that we are enough, that
we're doing enough. Okay?
So, forget about the work thing for a
second. Just think about, hmm, when do I
feel safe? And that means,
when can I be myself?
When do I feel like my authentic self?
When do I feel like I am enough and I've
done enough finally?
When am I truly in the moment?
That's a good one, huh?
Because you walk around and every dude
is trying to figure something out.
No one's actually here. I walk around I
walk around the city and I'm watching
I'm on the subway I'm on the bus I'm in
the car I'm looking at people and
they're all 5 minutes ahead, 10 minutes
ahead, they're tomorrow. We're always
planning, we're always trying to learn
from the past, or we're going back there
seeing what we could have changed. I get
it. I get it.
But there's a place and time where that
can stop,
and that needs to stop, and that's
actually an act of self-compassion when
you say, "Enough. It's done."
Okay? There can be firmness in that.
In the In the In the answer to some of
these questions and the reaction and
response to these thoughts that we have,
we can be firm, okay? So, think about
that safety piece for a second while I
go into the next part.
Your hypothalamus, your pituitary gland,
and your adrenal glands, they all work
in this cool feedback loop for your
stress response, okay? And once you
learn this, you'll know it for the rest
of your life, and that's pretty cool,
yeah? So, your hypothalamus
receives a signal of danger,
and then that sends a signal to your
pituitary gland to pump up all these
hormones, depending on what's in front
of us, and that sends a signal down to
our adrenal glands,
which sit above our kidneys here, and
then that's going to produce cortisol uh
cortisol, and then it's going to be all
throughout our bloodstream, so we're
going to get sweaty palms, we're going
to get uh tighter muscles, dilated
pupils, higher blood pressure, heart
rate's going to quicken. It's the fight
or flight, right? We're in fight mode.
So, if you left the office and there's
just a guy outside waiting to beat the
out of you every day,
and you you don't even know why. It's
just a guy outside with a bat and a
whip. You're like, "All right, here we
go again."
You're not going to spend time in your
prefrontal cortex thinking this through,
having 10 minutes to rationalize. No,
your body's going to go, "Danger!"
Hypothalamus
sends a message to the pituitary gland.
Pituitary gland says, "Let's make some
hormones, okay?" Adrenocorticotropic
hormone.
That sends a message down to your
adrenal glands on the kidneys, and
you get fired up. You get fired up.
You're ready to punch. All right, that
system was on when I was playing
basketball last night, okay? I was Larry
Bird. I was telling my buddy. I was I
was hitting some good shots, and then I
was like I was Larry Bricks, too. I was
just hitting air balls, and wow.
And that actually caused more stress,
cuz I felt like an idiot. Invited to
basketball, and I'm throwing
>> [laughter]
>> I'm throwing up these air balls. So,
that's the system.
Danger, okay?
So, why doesn't that happen while you're
at work?
While you're at work, you may feel
stressed, but not that type of danger.
Why is your mind quieter at work usually
than when you come home and you're
trying to figure everything out?
If that's not you, continue to listen.
There'll be some more things for you,
but for a lot of us, this is what
happens.
I saw there was a TED Talk about it,
too. Because when you're at work, you
have a sense of autonomy, you have a
sense of control. If there's a problem,
it can be solved like that. You can
actually adapt to things and and
influence things in the moment.
So, there's a safety with control. So,
with the previous question, right, what
makes you feel safe? I bet control
is on that list. When you have a sense
of control in your life, it probably
makes you feel safe.
It could be everything in the external
environment is out of your control, but
you telling yourself that I'm out of
control is a thought of control.
Okay? So, at work, you have this sense
of control and you can do things in real
time. Outside of work, where's the
control?
5:00 p.m. hits, there's nothing you can
do.
Or there is, but you're tempted not to
for sake of your relationships and
everything else. So, what do you do?
Your mind doesn't want to be forgotten
about.
So, you ruminate.
So, you can't control work there. So,
you're like, I got to control something.
Well,
let's think about it. That's control.
Okay, I'm thinking about the
conversation I had. I'm thinking about
that person. What should have been done?
That could have been done. And then
tomorrow, that needs to be done. That's
got to be planned out. And there's a
surge of dopamine, the reward
transmitter or one that helps you
achieve goals. It makes you feel good
when you're moving towards something.
And guess what happens with rumination?
You do get a feeling of well-being and
feeling like you're making progress
because there is some control there.
You're solving problems in your mind and
whether you're solving them, you know,
at a construction site building
something or you're building them in
your mind,
there's still that reward. There's still
that sense of I'm doing something.
So, you have to see what you're doing to
yourself here. And you fail to notice
what you fail to notice, yeah? So, at
work there's control, at home
you got to control something and here's
what you're doing.
Does that make sense?
And if that's you,
thanks a lot for listening. So, let's
get to an exercise. So, remember, ask
the question where you feel safe and
what makes you feel safe. And I think
for both of us we have that a sense of
control that makes us feel good. That
we're in the driver seat and we also can
acknowledge what's not in our control.
Which is like 99.999%
of life, okay? But what we can't control
we'll take ownership and we'll realize
that brings safety.
Okay?
On a practical point of view, what you
can actually implement is um
a pattern interrupt, let's say.
A Where do you bring safety and control
where it can translate from work into
home? And it doesn't have to be a rigid
stop.
But for now you can do that. So,
when when I'm finished work, whether I'm
at the home office or whether I'm um at
the office, when I come home and I'm
done,
I'm playing guitar.
I'm I'm playing some chords. I'm
creating some new riffs. I'm doing some
jams. I'm getting into my body again in
a different way and having fun. Play.
To transfer that sense of control that
way and you know what? I'm moving that
into now the evening.
That's so important for people because
we go from work to home in an instant.
You walk through the door in an instant.
And you can't shut off what you've been
carrying.
So, you need to make sure that that your
nervous system is primed
to let go of the stuff.
Even if it was interesting, even if it
was awesome, right? You can still bring
that in with um with a sense of joy and
accomplishment, of course.
But, when it continues to ruminate and
ruminate and ruminate, you know that's
become a problem.
So, even if you're in the car,
before you get out of the car, go on the
driveway, or up the elevator, wherever
you live,
take 3 minutes.
Take 3 minutes and sit in the seat.
That's it.
See?
And when you can sit in quiet in the car
or after, you know, I'll play guitar and
that's kind of my sense of meditation,
too.
But,
when you're in silence,
you let what would ruminate in the
future come up right now.
It's kind of like getting things out of
the way.
Where you're sitting in silence and the
day bubbles up.
You'll see that happened. Oh, yeah. And
I remember that. Oh, yeah.
And that's a tomorrow thing. Okay.
And you let it all come up in this space
of awareness for you.
Right?
That's all you're doing here.
And you're transferring, you know, the
personality of you at the office
and that one who controls
or where where you're working,
and
it's not a And I've talked about this so
many times before. It's not a new
identity that you bring outside of work.
No.
It's
It's Sure, this is YouTube Scott, this
is coach Scott, this is basketball
Scott, this is heavy metal guitar Scott,
this is camping Scott, this is Beethoven
classical music Scott, and then this is
classic rock Scott, and this is all
me.
Because a golden thread connects all of
them.
See?
So, by you moving
from one state to another,
you don't have to think of this and
overcomplicate it like, "Oh, I'm losing
myself if I'm not the office guy at
home." Because most wives don't want the
office guy at home.
Right? You see the videos of these alpha
men uh
teaching you how to be in relationships
and stuff. You can't be that guy all the
time.
The alpha male with the gun and the
sleeveless shirts and the muscles and
the da da da and the cold plunge and the
saunas, it's all well and good, but
there needs to be the side of romance
and emotional safety and listening and
making your your wife feel heard and all
of this. And I know this video is going
all over the place, but it's all
connected.
Because
to bring work home,
there needs to be that thread of safety
throughout.
And by you making yourself feel safe and
emotionally content and and like you are
you've done enough and accomplished
enough through the day,
guess what that means for your wife.
Guess what that means for your
girlfriend. Guess what that means for
your dog.
It means they can sense that safety.
And what are they going to do? Well,
they're more prone to open up
themselves, and jeez, the relationship
gets better.
But when you are so in your head, and I
know this from experience, and I've lost
relationships because of it,
because I put work so far ahead of
everything else, and while she's
talking, I
I'm spaced out.
I've worked I've worked a week already
in the in the span of 5 minutes.
Mhm. I've planned out my whole schedule
the next month, and she just started
talking.
Presence is the name of the game.
So, as you move and transition, my
presence is getting into that guitar.
My presence is also taking five and
doing some breathwork, which is letting
those thoughts just bubble
with no judgment, with compassion for
the self,
and letting that energy and that
calmness and that relaxation, and
leaving the work where it was, let that
lead you into the home.
Let that lead you into a new chapter of
the day. Same book, different chapter.
Yeah?
I think we we overcomplicate things a
lot, a lot, and overcomplicating things
and offering more information, I know
sells things. It does, but it's dead
simple.
And, you know, a lot of the people I
work with, we just I swear to God
people's lives would be
ins- like
I've seen it. I've witnessed it. So
changed, flipped upside down in the most
beautiful way possible, if for 5 minutes
a day you sit in quiet, and you don't
judge yourself, and you don't judge the
thoughts that come up.
Man.
So simple.
So simple it's stupid.
So, don't overcomplicate the whole
thing. And if you get home to work and
and from work, and, you know, thoughts
are coming, and watch yourself. Be like,
"Oh, got
this didn't work. I did the
meditation in the car. Oh my gosh, now
look at me think Well, there you go.
Wow, what a time to practice
mindfulness.
Uh-huh.
Oh, well, I started I actually started
learning guitar because of that Scott
video and I can't even play a damn
chord. What an idiot. I wasted my time
watch Oh.
Oh, yeah. Wow, look at that judgment.
And I'm thinking about the past cuz I
watched that video a day ago. Geez.
Mhm.
You see how a lot of the stress in our
lives comes directly from the mind and
the way we speak to ourselves and the
way we process what happened and what
may or may not happen.
That's the game and it's so simple.
Ambulance, hold on.
It's so simple.
So, again, our minds don't want to be
forgotten about so they'll try to
complicate things like there's got to be
a new trick that Scott didn't tell us.
There's got to be something I'm missing
and that's me. Yeah? Like with self-help
and all that. Oh, there's got to be
something I'm missing. I'm one book
away. I'm one video away for knowing the
secrets of the universe.
Nah. Nah, take it easy on yourself.
Enjoy the work day, transition to home
with a sense of grace, accomplishment,
and just a little bit of calm. And make
sure that HPA axis is working for you in
a beautiful feedback loop, okay? All
right. Take care of my friend. See you
in the next video. Subscribe. Links are
in the description if you want to chat.
You know the drill. Bye-bye.